[Scene: Kunzite and Zoi's bedchamber in the Dark Kingdom. Kunzite is lying in bed, translating aloud from a book with his arm around Zoi.]

[Zoi has his arm around him and resting his head on Kunzite's chest, pretending to read along. But he can't, since the book is written in a long dead language.]

Kunzite: [looking at Zoi] So you see, it is fortunate that your aspect is Nature, since the Senshi attacks are elemental, and this grants you a certain level of natural immunity from their attack.

Zoi: [slightly distracted by Kunzite's pecs] That is fortunate.

Kunzite: Mars' attacks are probably useless against you. She uses fire magic, and you control fire… Even if she catches you off guard, I doubt she can give you more than a sunburn… Mercury's are nearly as useless… her attacks are water and ice…the only thing she can do to you is conjure up a blinding icefog, which you can burn away in an instant…Jupiter is a little more powerful. She can call down lightening, which would probably stun you, but not kill you outright… The one you have to beware of is Venus.

Zoi: [barely resisting the urge to touch Kunzite's chest] Venus being Minako, of course?

Kunzite: She can summon concentrated beams of White Energy, and you've already seen what White Energy will do to a Shitennou…You are to avoid combat with her at all costs, since any one of her attacks could cut you into ribbons.

Zoi: [giggles] Figures that the only one I really have to be afraid of is your ex-girlfriend.

Kunzite: Not funny…If they decide to attack you as a group, focus your efforts on eliminating her first-

[Kunzite thinks for a moment and closes the book]

Kunzite: On second thought, I don't want you fighting anyone at all. If the senshi combine their attacks, they could finish you easily. Even without Venus. These women worked extremely well together. If any of the senshi decide to attack you, teleport away, and let me deal with them. You're not combat trained, so I don't want you fighting anything bigger than a housecat.

Zoi: [nuzzles his chest] How about if I just drain away all their energy?

Kunzite: You can't.

[Zoi looks at Kunzite.]

Kunzite: [strokes Zoi's hair] Our inherent energy draining doesn't work on Moon Guardians, which is probably for the best, since it is laced with White Energy…it's a pity, really, since their energy is extreme potent as a foodsource.

Zoi: How do you know that if you can't drain their energy?

Kunzite: I didn't say I couldn't drain their energy. I said you can't.

Zoi: You said our inherent energy draining doesn't work on Moon Guardians.

Kunzite: Yes, but I can absorb their attacks if I filter them first.

Zoi: Really? [give Kunzite an pleading look] Teach me.

Kunzite: It can't be taught. It's one of my innate abilities… Remember, Energy is my aspect, just like Nature is yours…the important thing to remember is you must never underestimate the Moon Guardians… Mercury was almost supernaturally intelligent, Mars could communicate with the dead, Jupiter had inhuman strength, while Venus was a master of all forms of martial arts, as well as a second sight that allows her to see people as they truly are.

Zoi: It mustn't work that well if she didn't see you coming.

Kunzite: [ sets the book down and tilts Zoi's chin up to make eyecontact] Oh she saw me coming all right. It was fortunate for us all her taste in men was just as appalling as yours is.

[Zoi shrugs and gives him a kiss. They make out for a few minutes before Zoi's phone rings. Zoi breaks it off to look at his phone.]

Zoi: It's Usagi again.

[Kunzite scoots back to give Zoi some space. He answers it.]

Zoi: Hello?

[All Zoi can hear is crying]

Zoi: Usagi? What's wrong?

Usagi: [wailing loud enough for Kunzite to hear] I just saw Minako coming out of Mamoru's apartment! I came by to see him and I saw her leaving! I called out her name, and she ran away!

Kunzite: [under his breath] Speak of the devil.

Zoi: [dismayed at the amount of heartache in her voice] Usagi. Mamoru isn't interested in girls like Minako. I'm sure there is a perfectly innocent explanation.

Usagi: Like what!

Zoi: Maybe she's returning a library book for him?

Usagi: [crying] Zoi, it's not like that! Mamoru was SCARED of her! She acted like she wanted to kill him! Next thing I know she's coming out of his apartment! She had on a skin tight dress and club heels! She looked like she had just been out partying.

Zoi: Maybe she had just been out partying?

Usagi: At 6:30 in the morning!?

Zoi: Oh? It's 6:30 there?

Usagi: Huh? What do you mean it's 6:30 THERE?

Zoi: Oh…I…just woke up from a deep sleep…

Usagi: [wailing] He's cheating on me! And with Minako! This is too awful for words!

Kunzite: [grins at Zoi] First you, then Minako… When Chiba fools around, he doesn't fool around.

Zoi: [covering the phone and giggling] Hush, you. I'm trying to defuse a situation…[to Usagi]…look, Usagi, she probably just had a little too much to drink last night, and slept on his couch until she was sober enough to drive.

Usagi: Then why did she run?

Zoi: She's probably hung over, and she was afraid you might scream at her… Did you ask Mamoru about this?

Usagi: How! He won't return any of my calls! I've left hundreds of messages! He's called back Motoki! But he won't call me! …[wails]…He wants to break up with me! I just know it!

Zoi: He doesn't want to break up with you…Did you talk to his aunt?

Usagi: She doesn't care! I've been over there! Dozens of times! She won't even let me in!

[Zoi remembers that Mamoru doesn't like it when Usagi gets all clingy.]

Zoi: Well, there is your problem. You need to stop pestering him and let him rest. He can't spend every waking minute with you, after all…I don't think you need to worry about this. Just give him some time.

Usagi: [distraught] Zoi, he won't see me! His girlfriend! But he let his worst enemy Minako spend the night!

Zoi: [sighs] Usagi. If Mamoru is even half as sick as I am, I can assure you that absolutely nothing happened.

Usagi: [stops crying] Oh, yeah…you're right. Huh? [laughs happily]

Zoi: I'm sure it's ok. Mamoru isn't into girls like Minako. He's getting over a terrible illness, and he's a little disoriented…Minako probably just needed a safe place to crash, and Mamoru's not one to turn his back on a damsel in distress Even one that hasn't been nice to him lately…He'll come back to you, once he gets everything sorted out.

Usagi: [cheerful] Oh, you're probably right. Thank you, Zoi.

Zoi: Don't mention it.

[He hangs up and rests his head on Kunzite's shoulder. Kunzite gathers him into his arms]

Zoi: I'm so glad we don't have these problems.