[Scene: Chief Midori's squad car. Zoi and his father are wearing suits and driving the streets of Seattle Zoi looks extremely anxious.]

Zoi: Drive faster dad!

Chief Midori: I can't. It's bumper to bumper.

Zoi: [hugging himself with worry] Oh my god. We're going to be late to pick up Mom!

Chief Midori: It's not my fault people slow to a crawl whenever they see a squad car.

Zoi: I don't want her yelling at us.

Chief Midori: It's ok. I called your mother before we left, and the salon is running a little behind schedule.

Zoi: [practically crying] But don't you see? That'll just make it worse!

Chief Midori: [smiles] Calm down son. When I called your mother to let her know we were on our way, she was in a really good mood.

Zoi: You called Mom? And she was happy to hear from you? I don't buy it!

[Chief Midori shrugs and stops for a yellow light]

Zoi: What are you doing! You could have made that light!

Chief Midori: It's ok.

Zoi: [near tears] It's not ok! Put on your siren!

[Chief Midori chuckles]

Zoi: This is funny to you?

Chief Midori: A little.

Zoi: This is only funny because you haven't lived with Mom for ten years! She doesn't mind making people wait around for her, bur nothing makes her crazier than having to wait around for someone else!

Chief Midori: This must be the place. [pulls into the spa parking lot and parks up front] Don't worry, your mother has mellowed out considerably since her move to Italy.

Zoi: She didn't sound that mellow last time I spoke to her.

Chief Midori: Oh, relax. it's your birthday...And here comes your mother.

[Renee Cappelli waddles out of the salon. She's like a middle aged female version of Zoi and is looking red carpet ready in a maternity evening gown, a mink coat and full runway makeup.]

[Zoi gets out of the car so she can ride shotgun.]

Chief Midori: Sorry, I'm late, Renee. We ran into traffic on the way over here.

[Zoi cowers while he waits for her to start shrieking out insults.]

Renee: [pats her updo as she checks it in the rear view mirror] No problem at all. It gave me more time for my toenail polish to dry.

[Zoi just stand outside the car, dumbfounded]

Renee: [looks at Zoi] What, no kiss for your mother?

Zoi: [gives her a quick kiss on the cheek] Sorry. I didn't want to ruin your makeup.

Renee: It's just makeup, dear. I can touch it up on the way to the restaurant.

[Zoi climbs into the back of the squad car and they drive off.]

Chief Midori: So. How have you been?

Renee: [touching up her makeup] Oh, I can't complain.

Zoi: [wideeyed] What?

Renee: [to Zoi] Is something wrong, dear?

Zoi: Why are you so mellow?

Renee: After a lifetime of poverty and disappointment, I find an easy pregnancy, a handsome young husband, and several million in a trust fund will do that to you.

Zoi: Oh.

[Zoi feels a sudden urge to get all his secrets off his chest while she is still in a mellow state.]

Zoi: Mom. There are things I need to tell you. About myself. Things you aren't going to like hearing.

Renee: [still working on her makeup] Oh, that sounds serious.

Zoi: I've changed. I'm not the same person I was when I lived in Phoenix. Not at all.

Renee: Ohhh. This is about that boy, isn't it? What's his name?

Chief Midori: Kunzite.

Renee: Oh, yes. Kunzite. You've been doing the naughty with him, haven't you?

Zoi: [turns beet red] Mom!

Renee: Don't worry, were not in much of a position to judge since we weren't any better when we were your age.

Chief Midori: Renee!

Renee: The difference is that you two want to stay together, while your father and I HAD to stay together.

Chief Midori: Renee! Don't tell him these things!

Renee: What? Our boy is genius. I'm sure he worked out the math a long time ago. And since there is zero chance you're going to find yourself in the same sort of mess we did, you certainly have my blessing.

Chief Midori: Renee!

Zoi: It's ok, Dad. I already knew I was a prom baby.

Renee: See? What did I tell you?

Zoi: [under his breath] It's the only way your marriage made any sense, really.

Chief Midori: We never regretting having you. Not for a minute.

Renee: Amen. You were the only good thing that ever came out of that relationship.

[They pull up to the hotel and park. Chief Midori and Renee Cappelli remain upbeat as they walk on either side of Zoi through the chrome, marble and crystal lobby, but Zoi can't help but feel like a condemn prisoner being led to the gallows. The feeling only intensifies as they near the restaurant.]

[He looks at his mother and she smiles back at him with her heavily made up face. Her serene expression it makes her look more like a doll than a human. This chills him to the bone. He feels a terrible sense of foreboding. Worse than anything he's ever felt before. He turns and runs back toward the exit.]

Chief Midori: Zoi? Get back here.

[Zoi runs faster and Chief Midori catches up with him and pulls him to a stop.]

Zoi: Dad. Something is wrong. This isn't Mom.

Renee: [finally a bit cross] What do you mean 'This isn't Mom'?

Zoi: This whole thing. It's weird. Why are you so calm? And why you dressed up like that, just to have dinner with my father?

Renee: I didn't get dressed up to have dinner with your father. I got all dressed up to have dinner with you.

Zoi: Me AND my father...Who usually mocks you when you do silly things like this. It's not like we are going to the Oscar Awards. It's just the Grill at the hotel!

Renee: What? I'm not allowed to look nice for your birthday? It's not every day my baby turns sixteen, you know.

Zoi: [in tears] You know you don't need to get dressed up to have dinner with me.

Renee: Yeah...well...I need to make up for all those birthdays we were living paycheck to paycheck and didn't have any money for presents from anywhere but the Dollar Store...You want a car? I will buy you a car...what kind of car do you want?

Zoi: I don't want a car.

Chief Midori: He has a motorcycle.

Renee: A motorcycle? Really? Wow.

Zoi: See? This is what I'm talking about! That wasn't even a bad Wow! We need to leave. Now. I just know if we don't leave now something terrible is going to happen.

[His parents give each other a knowing smirk]

Chief Midori: Son. There is a reason your mother is in a really good mood tonight. But this is supposed to be a surprise. We're going to tell you all about it at dinner.

Zoi: [freaking out] I don't want dinner! I want to go home!

Chief Midori: Zoisite...

Renee: No, it's ok. It's his birthday. If he's feeling spooked for whatever reason, we can take a raincheck...I just need to check in with Giancarlo and tell him there has been a change in my plans for tonight.

[She rummages in her purse as she walks toward a grand ballroom next to the restaurant. Chief Midori walks over with her, pulling Zoi along with him. She makes a show of dialing, then throws open the ballroom door as his father practically shoves him through.

Hundreds of voices: SURPRISE!

[balloons and pink confetti that look like flower petals rain down as Zoi recognizes most of his family and friends seated at tables under a huge gold banner that says HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZOI and SWEET 16]

[Zoi's parents clap him on the back and chuckle with amusement as he takes it all in]

[But instead of being less freaked out, he starts backing away.]

Zoi: Oh, no. No. No. No. No.