I'm sorry, I've been so bad with updating any story over the whole spring and so far this summer. I have written a few Oneshots- one in February (Harry Potter), one in March (The fault in our stars, in memory of my grandmother) and a birthday one (Once upon a time) as well as another birthday story. (Manifest is already posted and will have another part) and finally another oneshot (The dumping ground) Then (since after I wrote that last) another one for once upon a time. That's almost everything I've been writing for the past two months.

Well, here I am! It's June the 29th as I'm writing this, my birthday was yesterday. I have some candy and I'm planning to get some writing done, at last.

It is now June the 14th and last week I also updated one of my other awareness-stories.

Now, after all of that annoying commercial. I'll just get on with the chapter.

When I went to bed in the staff bedroom I was hoping and thinking I might feel better when I woke up in the morning.

When I woke up in the morning I quickly realized that I didn't- that I felt even worse than what I had only hours ago.

And yet again I had been on that ship, with mum and Cam and the wave coming to drown us….

With a short scream I sat up in bed…

While I slowly forced my breaths slower, I listened. Earlier than tonight I had worried that if this happened at work I'd wake someone up and in confusion they'd come running to me or maybe call Mike and then I would have even more explaining to do.

But it was right after four in the morning, there wasn't even a mouse making a squeak as I got out of bed and decided that it probably was for the best.

I couldn't do anything that would wake the children up at this time though, and when I thought about all the paper work I had been doing yesterday I cringed. So instead of doing anything at all that could take my mind of things I grabbed a cup of tea and went to sit by the table.

Then I just sat there. One hour, two hours…

By the time it was seven forty five in the morning Gus got up just like he always did days there was no school to get up earlier for. He had a book with him, "how to make everything". And I could see he had some pages open about how to make decorations for a party.

Before the others started waking up and came to get their breakfast Gus had already filled the table with colorful paper ribbons, glue sticks and scissors. Gus said he had the hardest part, while Toby cut pieces of the ribbon and Harry put glue on them.

I wouldn't be so sure but I wasn't about to correct him…

The paper ribbons were spread around the table, suddenly there were more people- Johnny, Frank, Sapphire and Jeff there in the middle of it all.

By the time everyone had had their breakfast the whole table was a colorful, big mess.

That didn't help towards my aching, spinning head.

"Right…" I barely knew what I was doing but I grabbed two handfuls of colorful links and threw them away from me. "The lot of you, just get out of here, and take this whole… thing with you. You might as well keep it in the living room, that's where Lily's party is."

When the whole lot collected all of their things I could hear comments like "You don't have to get twisted" before I heard them continue down the hallway.

I sighed and put my elbows on the table and my head in my hands. A big part of me wanted to do nothing than lay down and sleep right where I was, another part wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. But when I heard footsteps coming closer to the kitchen again I sat up fully, then stood and went to get myself another cup of tea just as Carmen came into the room with a distressed look on her.

If I was to help Carmen with something it could always give me an excuse to stay here, and it could take my thoughts of things.

"Ehrm… Tracy." She hesitated slightly- I would have liked to tell her we were in no rush. "Can I talk to you some?"

"Of course. You know I'm always here for you Carmen."

"Well…. Something's up with Elektra…."

"What do you mean?" I asked, one never knew about The Dumping Ground- kids, and Elektra was still so new. "Have you had a row, said something to upset her?"

"Well… We made friends some. Then Lily came back and she started acting strange. But I didn't think….. like, only because Lily's here that wouldn't mean we could still be friends. Or that we could be friends all three?"

I bit my lip some- I hated when I snapped at them but sometimes teenagers just had some stupid fights that wouldn't even matter next week.

"Why don't you just try sorting it out between yourselves." Was the only thing I could think of saying and forced myself not to snap. "Talk to Elektra."

"I heard my name." The one spoken about was suddenly there in the kitchen with us. "Hey Carmen."

There really was only one thing to ask, was there?

"Look! Is there something going on between you two?"

"Nothing much." Elektra answered but I was still looking at Carmen who still didn't look as if she wanted to interrupt. "Oh, we had a row earlier about a necklace, but I'm willing to make it up if you are, Carmen?"

Carmen didn't look as if she was willing to just make it up any time soon. But before I had said anything more she had stomped past me and back in the hallway, Elektra shrugged and went into the garden in the other direction.

While I had forgotten I was getting another cup of tea and didn't feel like one now anyway…

Just as little as I felt about ending the shift and going home…

"Tracy?" Just as I came out of the kitchen Mike came down the hallway. "I thought I heard your voice. I would have thought you had gone home by now…" I didn't get the chance to interrupt. "You look so tired you could fall asleep standing up so I think you should go home. Then come back…"

"I don't want to go home."

"Look…" Mike sighed. "Tracy, I know you. I can tell when there's something wrong…"

Oh did he really? Could he tell how I was struggling to even keep upright?

"I just want you to tell me the truth, Trace?" Mike asked for what felt like the billionth time in just a couple of days. "You're awfully pale. Here… let me feel your fore…"

Mike reached out his hand to feel my forehead, but before he got the chance I slapped his hand away.

"I'm fine… I am allowed to have nights where I don't sleep as well as others you know?! And they don't always have a reason. So just… just leave me alone."

Before Mike had the time to protest I span around, ignored the dizziness it caused, then hurried after the kids to the living room where all of the making of a paper chain seemed to have caused more chaos than it would ever be worth.

And there it was- suddenly, the feeling that I couldn't breathe at all.

"Tracy come here…"

Gus said it, out loud even though he was standing right next to me.

"Tracy come here…"

Lily was the next and it was like her voice echoed in my head. I could hear what she had said, I could figure I only needed to take a few steps. Or even just ask her what she wanted me to do. But it was like I couldn't get my own body to do what I needed

"What on earth is going on in here please?"

I could hear Mike's voice behind me. All I'd have to do too have his support now was to turn around- because I knew by now there would be no way I could hide it any longer.

But I still couldn't get myself to do anything I needed. Everything was spinning around and the floor was rocking beneath me. The only one I knew could help me in this was behind me and I couldn't turn. And I couldn't tell Mike- or anyone else about what I was feeling.

And what was I supposed to say or do? This room was filled with kids that I was supposed to take care of…

It felt like hours had passed since I heard his voice, but it couldn't have been more than a couple of seconds and I could sense him behind me still. I tried to answer any of the kids, or see anything at all. But everything was blurry and I couldn't get anything to make sense.

Then everything turned dark and I could feel myself falling…

Random fact

That thought I would recognize so- when I know what I have to do and need. But I can't get myself to do it. That's a sort of seizure.