Dallas, Texas
July 1978
Swirling his drink around the glass, JR tossed it back in one smooth gulp, then poured himself another from the living room bar.
Sue Ellen had been in tears when he'd returned to their bedroom earlier, and it wasn't because of her illness. In the time between his departure and return, his daddy had managed to upset her further. When JR sought Jock out for comment, the conversation had ended in frustration and anger for both of them.
"This has to end."
"What does?"
"You taking an interest in my wife."
"JR."
"Don't say my name like I'm being irrational. I know how my wife feels, and I know how she looks to others. I can't blame you for looking occasionally, but it stops there. You're making her uncomfortable."
"I don't know what you're talking about, but I know women, she's not in her right mind."
"Whether she's right or not is none of your concern."
"Sure it is. I can't be blamed for your wife's fragile emotional state."
"Maybe not, but you can be blamed for your behaviour. You need to stop calling John Ross 'our boy' like he's yours. Stop leering at Sue Ellen. And stop showing up uninvited when we're in private."
"I always announce myself."
"That's not the point."
"I don't know what is, then."
"You're not listening."
"You're not making any sense, and your time's up. I've got things to do, so if you'll excuse me."
His daddy had walked away, leaving the issue unresolved. Now, he had to return to comfort Sue Ellen, who would no doubt have questions and need reassurance that he'd fixed things. But first, he needed a drink, he couldn't face her with the truth that nothing had changed and, in fact, things might have gotten worse.
His wife was pregnant again, unhappy about it, unwell, and starting to speak about John Ross in the detached manner he thought they'd left behind. She was upset with him and his daddy. She wasn't in a good place, and he didn't have a magic solution to fix it.
"Sue Ellen, you're awake. Are you feeling better? I was worried when you didn't come down to breakfast."
Startled by the sound of Pamela's voice behind her, Sue Ellen smiled weakly and greeted her new sister-in-law as she entered the nursery. She sat, watching the baby do what he did so well, babbling and swatting at his toys playfully.
"I'm not ill. I was avoiding Jock."
Pam nodded but didn't press further, the lack of questioning surprising to her.
"You don't want to know why?"
"If you want to tell me, you will."
Sue Ellen shook her head, a small smile forming on her face. Pamela's understanding nature was something she admired. She could see why Bobby had married her; besides being a Barnes by birth, Pam was an ideal companion.
"You're not going to pry?"
"Not if you don't want to talk about it."
Pam reiterated that she would listen, but wouldn't push. Her respect for boundaries was a welcome change.
"Oh, Pamela…"
"What is it?"
"I…"
Unable to express her thoughts, she paused before bursting into tears.
'Patient verbalised desire for autonomy. Patient visibly distressed at the healthy progression of pregnancy. Patient inquired about termination services, advised of clinic policy. Patient increasingly upset as appointment advanced. Patient refused lab form. Patient referred for psychiatric evaluation.'
"Damn."
Muttering to himself as he read over the obstetrician's notes, Jock's frustration only deepened. He was already irritated with JR, but seeing this evidence of his son's failures was enough to make him want to reach for a horsewhip.
The comparison was too clear. When Sue Ellen had carried his son, it had been a joyful time. But now, carrying JR's child, Sue Ellen's emotional state was unravelling. Physically, she wasn't much different, early enough that she wasn't heavy, and her morning sickness wasn't worse than before. But her mental state was crumbling, and it was only getting worse.
Jock knew he had to act, and quickly. The first step? JR.
"It's legal, is it not?"
"It is."
"Then I want it."
"I'm sorry, we don't offer that service here, nor at any of our network clinics or hospitals."
"Where is it offered?"
"I can't advise you on that. I'm sorry."
"Why not?"
"Policy."
She'd had the same conversation with three doctors, each offering the same frustrating answer. She had the money, she had the mental capacity, but none of the access. It was absurd. She didn't want another baby, and the law said she had the right to choose not to carry one if she didn't want to. But no one would allow her to exercise that right.
Pamela wouldn't understand, she adored little John and wanted a child of her own. JR wouldn't understand, he saw fertility as a contest with Bobby and Pamela. Miss Ellie wouldn't understand either, she doted on little John and would welcome another grandchild with open arms. Sue Ellen had no one on her side. She had no friends, no trusted family, and seemingly no ability to find a helpful doctor.
She had no choice but to face the one she was now making. Walking through the aisles of a store, tossing knitting needles in various sizes, a pack of painkillers, and feminine products into her basket, she wondered if she should be terrified. The idea of taking matters into her own hands had never crossed her mind before. But with rejection still fresh, she felt only a cold, determined hope.