Dallas, Texas
November 1978
"Jock mustn't know."
Miss Ellie had said it so easily, but it wasn't an easy task to carry out. Sue Ellen's mind was on her missing husband every second of the day, but Jock had other things occupying his thoughts, mainly her and little John.
Sitting out on the balcony with a set of toys for John Ross to play with, Jock continued to speak in an overly personal manner, talking about his boy in a way he'd never spoken of Lucy, his granddaughter. Though Lucy was his first grandchild, it was John Ross who held the place of pride. She'd always assumed it was just Jock's old-fashioned, sexist belief that a grandson, especially one carrying his name, was more valuable than a granddaughter. But lately, she was beginning to wonder if there was more to it.
Jock had three sons, each of whom he treated very differently. Perhaps by the time Bobby came along, Jock had figured out the kind of father he wanted to be, making up for all the things he'd missed with JR and Gary. It was a thoughtful sentiment, but it felt misplaced considering John Ross was her child, hers and JR's, not Jock's. The notion that JR might be gone now, that she might be a widow and John Ross left fatherless, terrified her, and the idea that Jock was ready to step in as a replacement was even more unsettling. She wanted her husband back, safe and sound; she didn't want John Ross Ewing Senior filling that role, and she certainly didn't want to entertain the idea of any siblings she'd just imagined being Jock's, not JR's.
Siblings, it was such an odd thought. Just yesterday, she could have said with almost complete certainty that she didn't want more children. But now, with the possibility that she'd never see JR again, she was filled with regret. Had she not ended their second pregnancy, she'd be just a few weeks away from meeting their baby. And had she not insisted on preventing further surprises, she might have had another chance to hold a piece of their love in her arms.
But none of it would matter if JR was truly gone. A second baby would have been born fatherless anyway. She couldn't bear the thought, but she couldn't help but prepare herself for the very real possibility that JR wasn't coming back. The plane had gone down hours ago, and they hadn't heard a word since. The chance of something bad having happened was high, not low like she desperately wanted to believe.
She loved JR more than anything or anyone, and she wanted him home safely. Unfortunately, she had to face the painful reality that her wish might not come true.
Sue Ellen was in fine form, kind, gentle, attentive, and looking like she'd spent a little extra time getting ready. For whom or what, he wasn't sure; JR was away on business, but he'd noticed her efforts.
Miss Ellie, on the other hand, was behaving oddly. From her skittish demeanour to her extra protectiveness around him and her outright avoidance of him at times, something was off, though he couldn't put his finger on it.
His wife couldn't know what was happening; she slept soundly and didn't handle their laundry. She had no idea that he'd been waking up with a pounding heart and needing fresh pyjamas, or that the hyper-realistic dreams he hadn't experienced since his youth were about a woman half his age, not her. Ellie couldn't be avoiding him because she was upset over his wandering eye; she simply didn't know.
There was a lot she didn't know, the biggest secret being that the grandson she adored was, in fact, his fourth son. No one knew that but him. While he'd like to have another child, a fifth son, preferably conceived the same way his first three had been, the way Sue Ellen's second pregnancy had started, for now, he had to be content with his imagination. His intuition and investigations told him it would be a long time before his dreams became reality.
Sue Ellen seemed happy with JR and content being a mother of one, with no plans for a second child anytime soon. He'd hinted at it once or twice, but she'd ignored him, steering the conversation back to John Ross. Beyond that, she continued to take her pill every morning, alongside the ones he'd discreetly arranged to help improve her mood.
As he emptied a box of blocks for little John to stack and knock down, Sue Ellen appeared to him exactly as the mother of his son should be: beautiful, nurturing, and engaged. The only shame was that she wasn't his in every sense of the word. She was the mother of his son, but he wanted more. He wanted all of her.
They were in the middle of nowhere, with no means of contact or transport, running low on food, water, and daylight. But they were alive, and JR was determined to get back to his family in one piece.