I'm aware that the following twist may not please you, Dear readers, but I feel it's the right decision... I want to give John at least a little of the tenderness and happiness he deserves... But if you have read my previous stories, you know very well who my heart belongs to, so no worries!:)

As usual, great thank you for all your reviews!

P.S. About Wade (thank you, Guest, for your comment), when Rhett left them on the road, boy was 2.5 years old, a little over. I don't think he'll remember the man because he was too little, kids that age get attached but then forget when things change so drastically. Besides, there were no photos or conversations about him.

P.P.S. There are some notes at the end of the chapter.

Chapter 3.

The heat surrounded her like a ring, pressing in from all sides, wherever she tried to move, there were flames everywhere... She tried to take a deep breath, but only smoke entered her lungs... She didn't know whether to scream or cry, but she knew he was there... He... The strong arms, the hot breath that sent fire into her, the whisper, "I love you..."

A sharp thrust, as if into her chest, as if a blow, a laugh and... the sound of footsteps, of pebbles on the road. And she felt herself flying back into the hot trap...

Scarlett opened her eyes abruptly and sat up quickly on the bed, throwing back the blanket.

She reached over to the bedside table to her right, grabbed a glass of cool water and took several large sips. Then she set it down carefully and ran the palm of her hand over her slightly sweaty face. Taking a deep breath, Scarlett fumbled for a light white cotton shawl on the bed and stood up, draping it over her shoulders. She took a few steps on the wooden floor in her bare feet, opened the window and breathed in the cold night air.

The spring days here in April were sunny and the air was warm, but at night the temperature dropped almost to zero.

But Scarlett wasn't cold, she was hot and her heart was beating fast. Since her husband's departure, the past three nights had been restless for her. And though she had not had any nightmares, they were not good dreams. She felt they were something from her past. Her past that was a white blur in her mind... Oh, how often she was angry with herself, trying in vain to remember something. How often she flinched at a smell, and it seemed to her that she was about to remember something... But no... It was as if her mind had locked away all memories of her past life, and no matter how often she wandered around looking for the key, there was none.

John tried to reassure her that she would remember everything, that she just needed time, but at such moments she was angry, angry like a child who couldn't win a game the first time, and only his soothing embrace cooled her fervour.

Closing the window, Scarlett sat down on the edge of the bed and glanced at the clock on the bedside table, which showed almost five in the morning. Wade wouldn't be up until seven, so she could get some rest.

She'd been more tired than usual the last few weeks, but she hadn't told her husband, and the morning sickness she'd mentioned to Mary, Wade's young, smiling, dark-skinned nanny, had led her to conclusions that were both frightening and curious.

Apparently she was expecting a baby, and she had an appointment in the morning with John's colleague, Dr Wilson, who would put all her doubts to rest. Her husband wouldn't arrive until lunchtime and she would have free time in the morning to spend together with her son.

Scarlett lay back on the bed and instinctively placed a hand on her still flat belly. She didn't remember what it was like to carry a child, she didn't remember the agony of labour and she didn't know how much she should want a baby. Being a mother wasn't always easy for her. She was quick to get angry, quick to raise her voice at her little son, but also quick to apologize to him. She didn't remember him as a baby, but he had grown into a handsome little boy and she was flattered. Her first husband had probably died in the war, for she had no ring, and her son had no memory of his father or any man. He had mentioned an 'auntie' a few times in the beginning, but that was all.

Scarlett ran her hand over her belly again, trying to imagine John's reaction to the news. They hadn't talked about children, but she thought he'd be happy to hear the news because he was getting on well with Wade, who was starting to call him "Daddy". Sometimes, when she was upset about son's behaviour or anything else, John would laugh, take little boy in his arms and say, "That's it, son, Mummy's tired. Let's go for a walk and get her some sweets..."

Scarlett usually snorted at this statement, but the silence she was left in quickly calmed her, and the sweets, her husband and son brought her from the walk softened her temper. At such times, John would give her a loving hug, smile, kiss her cheek and say softly, "You're such a child yourself, My Dear!"

Scarlett sighed and turned on her side to try and sleep. She was used to John being there for her, always holding her. He'd been there every day of her "new life".

As she closed her eyes, she remembered how he'd confessed his feelings for her. It had been after a hard shift at the hospital, where she had gone to help, knowing it was the only thing she could do to repay the doctor for his kindness. She didn't like the hospital - the pain, the moaning and screaming, the smells - but she endured it. "It will end, it will surely end," she repeated to herself, like a prayer.

That evening she washed her hands for a long time with cold water, almost ice cold. Leaning over the basin, she looked at her reflection and suddenly felt the light touch of a palm on her shoulder. She turned quickly and John, smiling, suddenly took her hands in his, trying to warm them, and said the important words.

Scarlett smiled without opening her eyes as she remembered that when she had asked, "Do you want to marry me, John?" he had frozen and then said, "Scarlett, I'm just a simple doctor, I love my job and..."

"Do you think I'm inaccessible for you, John?"

"I do, Scarlett... You must have been the daughter of wealthy parents or had a wealthy husband. I'm not poor, but I don't need to live on plantation, so..."

"Neither do I," she cut him quietly, adding, "I don't know who I was. I'm nobody now..."

He suddenly looked at her with serious brown eyes, then hugged her tightly and said softly, "You're not a "nobody", Scarlett. I love you. You're my future wife."

Scarlett smiled again, and as she fell asleep she thought, "It's a good thing John's coming tonight..."

John Carter got off the train at the Saratoga Springs station about four o'clock in the evening, the sun hadn't yet set, but it was illuminating everything around him with a soft evening light. He picked up his leather valise and walked briskly to the empty carriage. As he drove, he looked out of the window and was thoughtful, there was a wrinkle between his eyebrows that had not been there when he had left a few days before.

He remembered the train journey with Captain Butler, remembered the sympathy he had felt for the man who had put him in touch with a lawyer and given him much-needed investment advices. John wrote him his address and took his address in Charleston to write to him. This man, despite his outward strength, was going through an inner drama, John could sense it. The story of losing the woman he loved in that hurricane of war touched the doctor, and he wanted to correspondence with Rhett to find out how he was doing. "We could even invite him to visit us in the summer, Scarlett wouldn't mind," John thought, and his thoughts returned to another conversation he'd had with a doctor friend, who read his notes in his notebook, then listened to his lungs through a wooden tube, examined him.

"You know the answer to that, John. Especially when your grandfather had the same problem. Look at your notes, this war has made everything worse..."

"How much time is left?"

"I can't say for sure, I can't see the future," his friend muttered sullenly. He was frustrated and didn't know how to help his friend.

"Five years, three years, one year... I don't know, John, damn it!"

"You're acting like it's your illness..."

"I'm acting like this because I'm powerless!"

John fell silent and tried to breathe deeply. All he cared about was his family - his wife and son, he had to look after them.

"You need to tell your wife, John," he heard his friend's voice again.

He never answered him and now, as he drove closer and closer to home, he didn't know what to do. He had never lied Scarlett, never hidden anything.

As he approached their house on the outskirts of town, which they had rented because of its proximity to a small wooded park and a nearby river, John saw his wife from a distance. Dressed in a simple azure dress with long sleeves, she was standing a short distance from their house, feeding the horse.

John smiled as he looked at her in the soft sunlight and saw how lovingly she stroked the horse's muzzle.

He had given her the horse for their first wedding anniversary at the end of February. He was not a poor man, he had a small fortune, but it was in gold, accumulated before the war, and afterwards he had treated and consulted rich Yankees and been well paid. He had not yet bought a house for them, as he planned to go to the South, closer to the places of his childhood and a warmer climate.

As he walked towards them, taking off his hat and smiling, he remembered how anxious Scarlett had been because of buying a horse. But they had a shed suitable for a stable, and a young groom to come from time to time. John had noticed Scarlett's fondness for these graceful, strong animals when one day they had been invited to a race by a wealthy client.

They walked around between races and he could see her hands reaching out to stroke the horses' manes and look lovingly into their eyes. John thought it was good for her psychological state and that the tactile contact might trigger memories.

Scarlett heard footsteps behind her, turned and smiled at John, who closed the distance between them with a few steps, quickly set the valise on the green grass and hugged her tightly, whispering, "I'm back, Darling."

She hugged him trustingly, feeling the peace he gave her. Then Scarlett felt him stroke her hair.

She gently pulled away and asked quickly, "How was your trip, John? Was it all right? Did you go out with your mate? Where's he from? Did you say Europe? Does it matter?"

John looked into her curious green eyes and laughed, "Honey, please, slow down, I just came here..."

Scarlett frowned but he just stroked her cheek affectionately and began to tell her about the events of the trip, trying not to go into too much detail. He decided to tell her later...

"By the way, Scarlett," John said as they led the grey horse into the stables, "I met a very interesting man on the train, surnamed Butler. We rode all the way to New York together..."

Scarlett just nodded, thinking about how and when to tell John her news.

She had heard John talking about a man who was going through a personal drama, who had lost the woman he loved. She listened quietly, not really sympathising with other people's dramas as she'd been through her own and now all she cared about was her little family.

Then, as they walked the horse into the stable, John said to her, "You know, there's something about that man that makes you believe him..."

Scarlett turned to her husband and said thoughtfully, "You never know which people are false and which ones you can believe... I guess that's why I'm better with horses... Look, when you look into their eyes, you can see everything... You can see the goodness, the gratitude. And people... People can lie..."

She interrupted her speech and John frowned slightly, but decided to change the subject.

"Come on, Darling, it's time for dinner! By the way, where's our son?" he asked with a smile as they walked towards the house.

Scarlett frowned and said emotionally, "Oh, your son is being punished, Mr Carter! Can you believe it, he climbed up a tree! And sat there like a bird while I was fidgeting and trying to talk him down to come to the ground! Then I decided to climb myself, but then our stable boy came and got him down... He could have been hurt, John!"

John looked lovingly at his wife and almost said to her, "Perhaps you climbed trees when you were a little girl?" but he stopped himself in time, remembering that his wife had neither childhood nor youth now, only emptiness...

So he kissed her affectionately on the cheek and said only, "I'll talk to him, Darling. By the way, Scarlett, I was thinking maybe we could invite that man, Captain Butler, to our house. Closer to summer?"

Scarlett just smiled back, realizing that they wouldn't be able to have anyone over soon and wondering when it would be best to tell John everything.

In late November 1866, Rhett Butler sat by the fireplace in his mother's library, with glass whiskey in one hand and an open envelope in the other. After reading it, a light sweat appeared on his forehead and the hand holding the letter trembled slightly.

When they said goodbye to John Carter at the New York station, it took Rhett a long time to recover from what he had heard. He could not remember how he had got to Charleston, because he replayed their conversation in his head constantly, remembering the details and smoked in his compartment.

He had the man's address, her address! But what could he... She remembered nothing. He remembered her quick, indifferent look at the station. It was obvious that she hadn't recognized him...

Her husband had trusted him for some reason, and Rhett had decided to keep in touch with the man, to find out something about her.

The first letter shocked and hurt him so much that he went to the most elite brothel in Charleston and got drunk. She was pregnant. Pregnant by another man. The doctor had happily written to him these news, apologizing for not being able to invite Rhett to visit their place over the summer.

It took Rhett a long time to get over that thought, and his imagination kept painting her in the arms of another man. Him, wrapping his arms around her rounded waist and resting his palms on her belly. These fantasies were slowly killing him, and to distract himself he was busy rebuilding the estate, exhausting himself with physical labour.

Rhett found the strength to answer the letter with polite congratulations and with several questions. A correspondence began and that was torturous for him, but he could not stop it. Those letters were the invisible threads that bound him to her.

John continued to share the news, but Rhett sensed that the tone of his letters had changed slightly.

In the summer, when he received another letter from Saratoga, Rhett gave in to his sister and mother's pleas and accompanied them to the ball, trying not to notice Ross's surprised looks.

He told no one, not even his brother, that he had found her.

Rosemary, his active sister, tried to set him up with one girl after another, finally settling on a friend of hers, which name was Anne. A sweet, gentle girl with blue eyes. Rhett asked her to dance a few times and accompanied her and her sister on walks. He was polite but aloof, his thoughts preoccupied with another woman whose memory made his heart race and his palms sweat.

Eventually, Rosemary became angry that he was giving the poor girl hope in vain, and Rhett answered her rudely, right at breakfast, when they both upset their mother with their behaviour. Mrs Butler shook her head, but remained silent, knowing that her eldest son was a grown man, and she did not believe there was a woman who could handle his fierce temper.

In September, Rhett began to think about going to Europe, a long trip, perhaps several years. There was nothing else to keep him here, he'd rather forget everything...

At the end of October Rhett received two letters from Dr Carter, and while the first, telling him that he and Scarlett had had a beautiful baby girl, Ella, hurt him again, the second shocked him, and he was afraid to admit the sense of quiet hope it gave him.

He remembered the short letter, especially a few lines.

"Dear Captain Butler, You will probably be surprised that a second letter has come to you, but I realized that I had better not waste any time, and only the desire to do something useful for the people I care about most makes me write these lines.

I didn't tell you, but I'm sick. Very sick. It's a breathing problem, a lung problem. You may remember that when we first met I asked you not to smoke. I was in New York at the time, and thanks to you I made a profitable investment, and your lawyer, with whom I also correspond, helped me a lot to get the paperwork right, so that my beloved wife and children would not have any problems. And yet... There will come a time when I will be passed away and I have a request for you as a friend (let me call you that). I trust your lawyer, but could you see the papers are sent to Saratoga Springs when the time comes? I'm not asking you to go yourself, of course, just to discuss it with Mr Riley. I don't want Scarlett to have any problems. I love her very much, Captain Butler, you know that. I don't want to write too much, I hope this isn't my last letter to you, but I thought I'd make this request in advance so I'd feel more comfortable.

Greetings, Captain Butler.

Dr John Carter."

A month later Rhett received a letter, not from the doctor, but from a lawyer, saying that Mr Carter had died in mid-November.

Rhett sat in the library for a long time that day. Thoughts kept him awake, swirling around him, giving him a headache.

He had forgotten about the trip to Europe. He knew he would take the next train to New York and from there to Saratoga Springs.

Notes:

First, little Ella. Yes, I've decided to give them a little girl. I know it's not easy for everyone to accept, but somehow we put up with Frank Kennedy, haha :)

Secondly, all I can say about John's illness is that it was probably lung cancer, which they didn't know how to diagnose at the time... Seeing people close to you get sick with it... It's not easy, so I apologize if this has offended anyone. My father-in-law had it for 2.5 years and my grandmother burned out in 2.5 months...

I wish us all good health.

And our heroes will meet in the next chapter!