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Meeting...
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Chapter 4.
A week later, in the early days of December, Captain Butler got off the train at the Saratoga Springs station, looked around and breathed in the cold air, adjusted his black hat with one hand and gripped the handle of his leather travel bag tightly with the other, he began to go to the exit. As he made his way through the crowd, he looked straight ahead and was extremely pensive.
As he left the station, Rhett noticed carriages in the distance and headed for an empty one, intending to go straight to her.
Having received the letter from the lawyer, and feeling a mixture of emotions ranging from bitterness to some underlying hope, he quickly met Mr Riley, examined the papers and told him that he would personally deliver them to the deceased's widow.
Ignoring the surprised looks of his brother and mother, and avoiding the offended looks of his sister, Rhett quickly bought a train ticket to New York, saying he had urgent business in the North.
Mrs Butler gave a sad sigh and, like any mother, asked him to take more warm clothes and to try to come home by Christmas, but he only kissed her affectionately on the cheek and promised nothing.
Now, as he drove through the wide streets of this city, getting closer to her by every minute, Rhett was nervous in a way he'd never been in his life. Questions had plagued him during the long train journey, and they continued to do it now: what was she like? Physically? John had said in his letters that he had been worried about her health during her pregnancy because she had been so thin after the war. Rhett had been terribly worried himself, and when he received the letter about the birth of their daughter, he felt both, pain and relief, that everything had finished and she was fine.
How did she cope with the death of her husband? How close were they? Did she love him?
Rhett sighed and looked out of the window, noticing that the sun was hidden behind grey clouds and the snow, that hadn't fallen yet, was about to fall.
But these questions were nothing compared to the one that pounded in his head like a little hammer: would she remember him? And if she did, how would he explain that he hadn't told the truth for so long in his correspondence with her husband? That he hadn't said anything at all. And hadn't said a word to Melanie, hadn't written to her or her sisters. Rhett didn't know the answer to that questions himself, assuming he'd been shocked first by her memory loss, then by her sudden pregnancy, and then... Rhett sighed heavily again and shook his head. "Okay, I'll meet her and I'll take it from there." Her late husband had put her health first, and he thought he'd follow his example.
In fact, he knew the only thing he wanted right now was to see her, touch her, talk to her, and not wake up in his room in estate and realize that it was only a dream.
The carriage stopped at a small, light-grey house on the outskirts of town, and Rhett, having paid the coachman, got out, adjusted the collar of his woollen coat and hat, and walked firmly to the door,with leather bag in his hand.
A dozen steps down the path, a wooden porch, a light grey door and a brass knob that his hand reached for. "Courage, Rhett," he told himself, knocking loudly.
Scarlett stood in front of the mirror and looked at her reflection.
A young woman in a black dress with onyx brooch on the collar, snow-white skin, green eyes, beautiful full lips.
Her features were both familiar and strange. She couldn't remember what kind of girl she was. The only person in her life who had seen her before the memory loss was her young son. But he could remember very little.
As she brushed her long black hair, she wondered what hairstyles she had worn before, if her first husband had touched her hair, if he had stroked it like John had liked to do.
At the memory of her late husband, Scarlett looked sadly into her eyes in the mirror. This man had clearly been a blessing to her and her son. "If it hadn't been for him..." she sighed bitterly and gratefully.
Yes, gratitude was the greatest and strongest feeling she had for him. Also, trusting and tenderness in return for all the unconditional love he had given her.
She did not know, could not know, if it was love, if it was the way a man and a woman should love each other. But she knew for certain that he had taken his place in her heart, that he gave her peace, that he accepted and loved her as she was. She played no part for him, nor could she, for she knew only herself as she was. She was only Mrs Scarlett Carter. She was his Scarlett.
And then there was their daughter. Their little girl, for whom he thanked her with tears in his eyes.
"He was already ill, when I told him the news... Dear John..." she thought, braiding her hair and sighing heavily.
Gathering her hair into a net, she glanced around her once more, but suddenly heard a soft cry from the next room and hurried to her little daughter.
There were two beds in the bright room across the corridor that served as a nursery - a white wooden cot for Ella and a brown bed for Wade. On the bedside table next to it, Scarlett noticed a photograph of John, apparently taken during one of the few appointments he had to attend as an important hospital doctor. She found the photo in the drawer of his desk, among the letters, most of them from the lawyer and the man Rhett Butler, John had met on the train. Scarlett opened one, read the dry lines of congratulations (apparently John had told him of her pregnancy) and closed the letter. She was not interested in this correspondence, the men apparently were discussing business and it was boring.
When Scarlett saw that their nanny Mary was about to take Ella, she just nodded, took her daughter and said, "Mary, please look after Wade, he should be in the kitchen with the cook, she promised him hot chocolate. And I'll look after Ella."
Mary just nodded, said, "Yes, ma'am," and walked out quickly while Scarlett unbuttoned the front of her dress.
She looked at her little girl, just two months old, a quiet baby, who smiled at her mother and brother, at her nanny, but who smiled at her father for the first time when she was one month old.
In those brown hazel eyes, Scarlett saw John's eyes. It was obvious that little Ella had inherited his beautiful, delicate features.
Looking at John's picture again, Scarlett remembered the letters in his desk drawer, and then the short telegram she'd received from her husband's lawyer. It said that Mr Butler would deliver the papers to her personally in several days. This surprised her and Scarlett began to worry that she had inconvenienced this man, but then she began to think logically. "Of course they could use the post office, but what if this man has some business here, or he's going to the springs for treatment, or to buy someone a horse for Christmas," she thought, remembering that their little town was famous for horses, and then remembering her grey horse that she loved so much. "Well," she thought as she finished feeding her daughter and saw that she was asleep, "maybe this man just wants to say his condolences in person, even though I don't know him. Well, I will have to receive him in our place," she concluded, just as the door opened softly.
Scarlett motioned to Mary to be quiet and gestured to Ella as she slept in her cot.
They came out of the nursery and Scarlett looked questioningly at the maid, "What is it, Mary? Is Wade in the kitchen?"
"Yes, ma'am, Mr Wade is waiting for his hot chocolate, but I wanted to tell you that a man called Butler had come and asked to see you. I showed him into the living room."
Scarlett frowned slightly, he had come so unexpectedly, straight into her house. She had expected him to send a note from the hotel. "Oh well," she thought, "let's get this over with quickly."
Then she looked at the maid, smoothed her hair, checked the buttons on her black dress and said sternly, "Mary, I'm going to go down the other stairs to John's study and you're going to go down to that man a few minutes after me and invite him there, okay?"
Mary just nodded and Scarlett went to the stairs that was more often used by their few servants. She didn't want to receive this visitor in the living room as it was a business matter, she decided to have the conversation in her husband's study.
Scarlett opened the door quietly, there was little light in the room, so she went to the curtains and pulled them open.
"That's better," she thought, smiling weakly. She liked this room, they spent a lot of time here with John. She could feel her closer to him there now...
Scarlett saw the chess set on his desk and remembered how he had taught her to play.
"Come on Darling, you'll love it!"
"John, oh, I'll never remember those strange figures and how they move," she said irritably, but he just smiled gently at her and encouraged her, "I'm sure you'll remember everything, Scarlett, and you'll beat me for sure! Besides, it will be a good exercise for your memory, Darling..."
Scarlett looked sadly at the board, then her eyes fell on the photo they'd taken walking down the boulevard on John's day off.
Rhett sat on the beige couch in the living room and tried to look around, but all he could feel was his heart pounding in his ears. He was hot with excitement, even though he had left his warm woollen coat and felt hat in the hall and was wearing only a grey suit.
"What's taking so long?" he asked himself nervously, trying to straighten the trousers. Now when he was sitting in her house, he realized that perhaps he should have warned her of his visit in advance, that perhaps she or one of the children might be inconvenienced... But he was already here and...
"Sir," a woman's voice called to him and he tore his gaze from the fabric of his suit and glanced quickly towards the door.
"Sir, Mrs Carter is waiting for you in her husband's study," the dark-skinned maid explained and Rhett stood up quickly, nodding and not forgetting to take from the table the brown paper envelope with the papers the lawyer had handed him.
"It's over there, sir, just down the corridor, across the hall and the first door on the left."
Rhett nodded and walked in that direction.
"Go on! Go on now! I want you to hurry. I don't want to ever see you again. I hope a cannon ball lands right on you. I hope it blows you to a million pieces. I..." her last angry words echoed in his ears as he walked along the corridor. If he'd known, he wouldn't have left her that hot night, no way...
Rhett walked to the right door, swallowed and opened it carefully.
He entered the study and saw her familiar thin figure from behind. Scarlett was fixing the photograph on the table and the wooden chess pieces on the board.
Rhett coughed and she froze for a moment, then turned back to him.
In the same instant, he drowned in her green eyes and she only smiled slightly.
For those moments, as she smiled politely at him and he shortened the distance between them, his heart beat so loud and fast and he was afraid, that it could be heard from across the room. For the first time in his life, his step wasn't as firm as it always was. It was her!
She silently held out her hand in greeting, and he took it in return. At that moment, Rhett felt her flinch... Or maybe it was him..
"Good afternoon, Mrs Carter," he said quietly and she, smiling politely at him again, gently removed her hand and replied, "Good afternoon, Mr Butler, please have a seat."
She gestured to the leather sofa and he remembered her calling him by his first name.
They sat down and he suddenly said, "Please, you can call me "Captain Butler" or just "Rhett"." He suddenly realized he was dying to hear his name out of her mouth.
Scarlett looked at him in surprise, then straightened the folds of her black skirt and simply said, "I'll try to call you "Captain Butler"."
He nodded and adjusted his jacket, trying to keep the trembling. He still couldn't believe it was her beside him, that they were talking, that he could reach out and touch her cheek. He suddenly remembered how she had come up to him at her Aunt Pittie's when he had brought her a green bonnet from Paris and she had practically put her lips on his for a kiss... He felt like an idiot for not kissing her then, but for acting out a new play.
Looking at her profile, Rhett cleared his throat and said, "My sincere condolences, Mrs Carter."
Scarlett caught the look in his black eyes, and he noticed the sadness creeping across her face, then heard her reply softly, "Thank you, Mr... I mean Captain Butler."
They were silent again, but then Scarlett decided to continue talking to this tall, handsome man who had entered this room and seemed to fill it. She felt strange around him for the first time, goosebumps running down her spine now and then, a slight shiver, but she couldn't understand why, so she decided to get to the point.
"Captain Butler, I wanted to thank you for coming all this way and I hope we haven't inconvenienced you," she finished, looking questioningly into his black eyes.
"No, Mrs Carter, don't even think about it," he replied seriously.
"Have you come to our town to improve your health?" she asked suddenly with slight interest.
"Excuse me?"
"Mineral springs, Captain Butler," she explained with a slight smile, realizing her mistake.
"Ah, yes," he replied, also smiling, "no, no, it's not the springs. It's just that I have some business here, in the North," he spoke without going into details, which he didn't have. His only business was her.
Scarlett nodded and, realizing that this serious man must be a busy man, said quickly, pointing to the papers on the table in front of them, "Those are the papers from the lawyer, aren't they?"
Her hand reached for the envelope, but Rhett awkwardly reached for it himself and their hands touched again and he felt she flinched again.
Scarlett looked up at him, feeling the tingling in her fingertips, and tried to smile, but then Wade's head popped through the door and he called softly, "Mummy..."
Scarlett turned her head sharply towards the door, letting go of the envelope, and Rhett stared at the little boy he remembered as a baby boy. The one he'd held on his lap, the one he'd sometimes played with, the one he'd left on that same road that hot night.
Wade glanced over at the man sitting next to his mother, who looked at him intently, before shifting his gaze back to his mother's questioning, slightly displeased eyes.
"Wade, son, first say hello to Captain Butler," he heard her stern voice and quickly said, "Hello, sir."
Rhett smiled affectionately at him and replied, "Hello, Wade!" he almost added, "How you've grown!" but stopped himself in time.
Scarlett saw that her son was afraid to come in, so she stood up and Rhett quickly followed her. She looked at him and smiled guiltily, "Excuse me Captain Butler, I'm going to talk to my son, it'll only take one minute, please sit down."
Rhett smiled at her and sat back down on the sofa.
As he sat there, he watched as Scarlett walked over to her son, crouched down in front of him and said something stern. Then he saw Wade's eyebrows furrow and then almost cry, and he heard his childish, desperate voice say, "Daddy always let me!"
Rhett's heart sank at the words. John had done what he'd always dreamed of - becoming a father to this little boy.
Next he saw Scarlett frown slightly, but then her features softened and he heard the phrase, "Okay, but only with Jim. And not for long, okay?"
Wade smiled, put his arm around her neck and walked away quickly, and Scarlett stood up with a sigh of relief. She didn't want Wade to be cranky in the presence of a strange man, she was having a hard enough time coping with her role as mother as it was, and she was afraid of disapproving looks.
"You see, Captain Butler," she began, smiling politely, "my son used to go riding with my husband. We have a horse, Gracie. And since then... Anyway..." Scarlett was confused and didn't know where to start her explanation, so she looked at this man who was looking at her with a kind of affectionate look she couldn't understand. "You see, Wade misses his father very much," she concluded quietly, spreading her arms and sitting down next to him on the sofa.
"I see," Rhett replied quietly.
Scarlett looked at him and nodded slightly.
There was silence, and then Rhett asked, pointing to the chess pieces on the table, "Do you like to play chess, Mrs Carter? John wrote to me about it..."
Scarlett looked at him in confusion, and remarked to herself that it would be possible to read those letters out of the drawer after all. "Apparently men don't just talk about business," she thought to herself, smiling slightly and adding aloud, "Yes, my husband taught me to play. He thought it was a good exercise for my..." she stopped, not knowing how to finish the sentence, not knowing if John had told him about her memory loss.
Rhett finished the sentence for her, "I know about your problem, Mrs Carter. About the memory loss and I'm sorry..." he finished quietly and almost reached for her hands but stopped himself.
Scarlett didn't know how to feel about John being so open with this man. But her husband always had her best interests at heart. Perhaps, she could trust this man.
"Yes, Captain Butler, there is such a problem..." Here she looked at the envelope again and added, "If I may open the papers?"
Rhett just nodded and watched as she stood up and walked over to the desk to get a paper cutter. His eyes caught a framed photograph, but he decided not to look too closely.
Scarlett sat back down and was reaching for the envelope when he gently touched her hand, took the paper cutter and said quietly, "Let me help you."
"Thank you," she replied just as quietly, noticing how warm the man's hands were.
Rhett opened the envelope quickly, trying not to think about the touch of her cool fingers, and spent the next few minutes explaining everything in order, enjoying her closeness and the way she leaned over the papers. He smelled a light scent, not her usual perfume, but something different, special, with notes of rose and musk that drove him crazy.
"I think it all makes sense," she said, lifting her green eyes to his and adding with a sigh, "John took care of everything."
Rhett looked at her intently and said, "You were very dear to him."
Scarlett looked away, then suddenly said, "Thank you again for bringing the papers."
"You're welcome, Scarlett," he said, freezing as he saw her turn at the sound of her name.
Scarlett looked at him worriedly, trying to hide it, not understanding the reasons for her reaction, and she heard him say quietly, "I'm sorry, Mrs Carter".
She nodded and then suddenly looked away, glancing at John's picture and thinking quickly.
Rhett sat next to her, watching at her from time to time, not knowing what excuse he could think of to come back to her.
"Well," he heard her voice and then saw her suddenly frown and mutter something to herself, "oh, I'm sorry, Captain Butler, you've been with us for a while but I haven't even offered you coffee or tea to warm you up."
He smiled and just replied, "It's nothing, please don't worry about it."
Scarlett smiled and stood up, realizing she had to call for Wade, it was cold outside.
Rhett stood behind her and heard her continue, "You know, if you're still in town, you can come over for an early dinner at our place... I don't know if John told you, but he wanted to invite you to visit us this summer, but we couldn't take you because of my..." she blushed slightly and stopped talking.
Rhett couldn't believe his luck and just replied with a smile, "I will stay in town for some time, Mrs Carter. And I'd love to come and see you! And yes, your husband wrote to me about you, and I haven't congratulated you on the birth of your daughter. Is she well?"
Scarlett smiled gratefully and simply replied, "Yes, she's upstairs. Sleeping. A peaceful little baby girl."
Rhett nodded and smiled. He wanted desperately to stay, but he had to go, by all the rules of etiquette... So all he said as they walked out of the room was, "I'll come to you in some other time, okay?"
Scarlett nodded, then noticed Mary in the corridor and said politely, "Captain Butler, I need to look after Wade. Mary will show you out. Thank you again for all your help. Have a good day and we look forward to seeing you again."
She reached out to him and he touched her hand again, holding it a little longer than he should.
"You're welcome, Mrs Carter. I'll be sure to come and see you, thank you."
"See you later, Captain Butler," she said smiling and turned to call Mary, she heard him say quietly, "See you later, Scarlett..." and felt another wave of goosebumps run down her spine.
Rhett was riding in the carriage, smiling, his black eyes shining in a way they hadn't for a long time. He'd finally found her.