Dear readers!
This time I am writing a preface before I write the chapter itself, following your reviews.
First of all, thank you very much for all your comments, I really appreciate reading all your thoughts and feelings.
Now to the plot. Yes, I thought and think that the moment when Scarlett finds her memories will be dramatic.
I love John as a character, I don't have any problems with him except that he could have tried to find his wife's family. But he concentrated on getting their lives together after the war, on his wife's health, on helping her to train her memory. Perhaps he wanted to give himself (and her) a bit of normalcy in the North after the horrors of war they had seen and experienced in the South. And I can't blame him for this simple human desire for a happy and peaceful life. And then came her pregnancy and the worsening of his illness.
Rhett... He's more complicated... He won't tell her the truth for a number of reasons, perhaps because she's just lost her husband, perhaps because the realization that her childhood home has been burned and her parents are dead will cause her great pain. But he might be there for her. Perhaps he's waiting for the moment when they can grow closer to each other. And of course there's his obsessive fear that she'll remember Ashley Wilkes. It's probably selfish in a way, but he wants them to have their own story, without the shadow of Ashley or anyone else...
I might add that neither John nor Rhett can bring back Scarlett's memory, it has to happen on its own... Or maybe it won't happen at all? But Rhett could be honest if he wanted to. I think this will be his burden... "I lie and it makes my cheekbones curl" is what I was talking about before the first chapter.
There are a few more of my notes at the end of the chapter.
Enjoy reading!:)
P.S. To get a feel for the atmosphere of this chapter, here's a link to the post on my Tumblr. Something that inspired me.
https/polinka22malinka/770780367338848256/my-inspiration-for-christmas-chapter-for-my-story?source=share
Chapter 8
Rhett arrived in New York from Saratoga Springs on 15 December, ten days before Christmas. As he made his way through the narrow streets of the city in his carriage, between the endless line of other carriages, wagons and carts, he stared out of the window and wondered how he hadn't noticed all the changes in this city before. He had been so wrapped up in himself and his desperate attempts to find Scarlett that he had not noticed how New York was changing from a small port to a modern city.
The population was growing, including immigrants, and buildings were being built, both public and commercial, as well as churches.
The weather was overcast, but because of its proximity to the water, the climate was milder than in Saratoga and Albany.
Sheltered from the bad weather in the carriage, Rhett watched the city being decorated for Christmas. The red and green combination of spruce branches and bows flashed before his eyes very often.
Fairs, open skating rinks, people hurrying or strolling through the streets - it all said Christmas was near.
Rhett glanced out the window again and noticed a family near the sweet shop - a man holding a little girl in his arms and smiling as he said something to his wife. She laughed back, holding the hand of their son, who couldn't wait to go into the shop.
Rhett moved away from the window and smiled. Now these images haunted him constantly, whether he was travelling on the train or walking down the streets, he came across couples with children everywhere and his heart sank.
He took off his hat, ran his hand through his hair and thought. All this fuss about waiting for the holiday was just fuss to him, because he knew that the only people, that were important now, were waiting for him in a little house on the outskirts of a small town. There was a young woman whose sight made him forget how to breathe, a little boy and a baby girl to whom he was ready to give all the warmth of his heart. For the first time in his life, he didn't want to spend Christmas in noisy companies, deliberately mocking the traditional home-cooked dinners he had been deprived of for so long. No, now he wanted to be in this very little house. Where he had been invited and where he was welcome. He wanted to be there more than anything, even if he was afraid to admit it.
He needed to spend a week in New York to meet all the partners, the lawyer who was passing through, to send a telegram to his mother, and the presents that would arrive after Christmas, but Rhett knew that Ross didn't care, Rosemary was still angry with him for the failed matchmaking, and his mother... His mother would understand. Rhett knew that Mrs Butler wanted only happiness for her children. "Yes, she'll be upset, but she'll understand," he thought to himself as he went shopping for presents.
The weather had been slightly frosty all week, and Rhett remembered driving past the ice rink in the park, where the atmosphere was cheerful. Gentlemen supported their ladies in bright, wide skirts of different colours, and enjoyed the activity together, which was very popular. Once Rhett had taken up skating before the war, and had even spent a jolly time at the rink with a blonde lady whose name he could not remember now.
"Would Scarlett like skating? Is there a rink in Saratoga? Maybe she skated with John?" he wondered, but again his thoughts returned to more important matters, presents... What to give to the woman he loved to make her accept it, what to give to the children to make it conform to social norms. "Damn those norms," Rhett thought fervently, remembering how he'd brought her various beautiful things from his blockade trips and she'd always accepted them with a mischievous smile. "I hope Scarlett likes presents too, and the quiet life of the North and the absence of gossip will only play into my hands," he pondered, looking at the very fine silver brooch he had brought her from Nassau a long time ago, but had never given her. "It's like it was in a past life," he concluded looking out the window at the falling snow.
Departure time was approaching and Rhett was worried that the snow would get heavier and the trains would be cancelled. He was nervous and didn't want to be late for Christmas dinner. "To her, to her..." the thought kept pounding in his head and heart constantly.
A few days later, three days before Christmas, Rhett took the train to Saratoga Springs and finally calmed down. Having done all his business, bought all his presents and sent all his telegrams, it was as if he had paid off all his "debts" and was now, free, on his way to meet his destiny.
The only thing that clouded his mind was a short letter that had arrived to his lawyer in his name. It was from Melanie Wilkes, wishing him and his family a Merry Christmas and shyly asking if there was any news of her "favourite sister-in-law".
All the way on the train, he wondered if he had the right to keep things from Scarlett... Things had gone far enough, and now it was time to make a big decision. "But it would cause her unbearable pain," he thought, rubbing his eyes wearily. The death of her beloved parents, the burnt out house. Yes, he'd bought that land incognito at the beginning of his search, so that the new owners wouldn't desecrate her parents' graves, but for more than two years now, the land had been empty. Only the sisters remained, but Rhett had heard that they lived their own lives. The middle sister had married Old Frank Kennedy, and he had forgotten to ask about the youngest in another letter to Mrs Wilkes.
Her maternal aunts, his mother's friends, had gone to Paris to their relatives at the end of the war and sold all their property in the South. Mrs Butler lamented that correspondence had broken down and they hadn't written to her from Europe.
Rhett knew nothing of her father's relatives, but the Hamiltons seemed resigned to losing both: their daughter-in-law and their only heir. Henry Hamilton's enthusiasm for the search waned as time went on.
Melanie Wilkes was all that remained. "Holy Melly," Rhett thought, smiling bitterly. Each time she asked him quietly but persistently about the search, wrote short letters and believed firmly that her sister-in-law and nephew were alive. "If anything bad happened to them, I would feel it, Captain Butler," she wrote in almost every letter.
It was Melanie Wilkes, whom Scarlett hated so much because of her own blind adoration of Ashley, and whose life she had saved without realizing it. It was Mrs Wilkes who was most concerned about her fate.
He could have opened up to Melanie, yes. "I could have," Rhett thought as he looked out of the train window at the snow, and perhaps Scarlett would have come closer to her, but there was one thing that stopped him. Ashley Wilkes!
Having seen her foolish childhood infatuation turn into an obsession with another woman's husband, the last thing Rhett wanted was for her to see that man again, to arise even a shred of that memory in her mind. He seemed ready to sell his soul to the devil, but not to let that wooden gentleman to meet her again. So Rhett chose silence.
"At least for now," he thought as he got off the train at the familiar station. "She's very vulnerable now, after John's death," he reassured himself as he rode in the carriage through the snowy city streets. "I'll be there for her, she's not alone," he made his choice, checking into the hotel and sending a note to a familiar address.
Scarlett glanced at the note she had received a couple of days ago and smiled. She placed it in the top drawer of the dresser in the hall and walked over to the miniature tree, that stood on the table in the living room (their groom Jim had brought it few days ago), and adjusted a few glass ornaments on it. Also, Scarlett and Wade hung garlands of berries and popcorn under the mantelpiece, and ribboned pine branches over the windows. "It looks really pretty," she thought to herself, glad she'd decided to decorate the house despite mourning her husband. "John wouldn't mind," she reassured herself.
She was glad that her new "friend" had come back to their city in time, as the weather was getting worse by the day and trains were being cancelled more and more often. And she was already counting on his company tonight. "Celebrating Christmas alone... Oh, it would be so sad!" she thought, remembering last cozy Christmas with John.
"Luckily Captain Butler had time to come back and even write a note instead of coming as snow on our heads as he usually did," she thought with a chuckle.
Walking into the kitchen to check on the preparations, Scarlett caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror - the same thin figure in the black dress, the white skin and the light shadows under her eyes that betrayed the occasional bad nights when Ella was restless. Only this time, Scarlett had decided to make her hair differently, remembering how John had liked it when she left it slightly loose and gathered it up at the sides with combs.
In the kitchen, Amy was putting the finishing touches to the holiday dinner. After advicing the cook, Scarlett decided that a small, cozy dinner would be enough.
Roast turkey and vegetables, meat and sweet pies, baked potatoes, caramelized apples and a chocolate cake with cookies for dessert. "More than enough," Scarlett thought as she thanked the cook that evening and let her go for a few days. Amy had a husband and two sons who wanted to spend the holiday together.
"Mary, how nice of you to stay with me for the holidays," Scarlett said with a carefree smile, fixing her hair in front of the mirror in her bedroom.
"Yes ma'am, my parents have a job this year so I thought I'd help you too," Mary replied.
Scarlett was delighted at the news, it wasn't easy with the children and having a nanny was a great help.
She had hardly had time to think about how Captain Butler was going to get here when there was a knock at the door and for some reason she flinched as she looked at her reflection in the mirror.
"That must be Mr Butler," Mary said and Scarlett nodded and went downstairs.
Reaching for the doorknob, Scarlett closed her eyes for a moment, trying to remember the smell of his cigars.
"Good evening, Scarlett," she heard him say, as she opened the wooden door and met her gaze with his black, laughing eyes.
"Good evening, Captain Butler, and come in," she replied with a smile and motioned him into the hall, wanting to close the door and keep the cold, frosty air out of the warm house.
The smell of baked goods and spruce branches enveloped Rhett, but he could also smell the subtle scent of her rose and musk perfume that he'd missed for almost two weeks.
Scarlett closed the door, turned and smiled, noticing again that his wool coat and hat were slightly wet from the snow, and that he was holding several paper bags.
"Captain Butler, put the bags here, let me help you with your coat and then I'll give it to Mary, it needs drying," she said as she watched him nod as he put the bags down, took off his hat, then his coat and handed it to her.
"Come into the living room, I think you remember where it is," Scarlett joked, and without waiting for his reply she took the coat and went to find Mary. When she reached the second floor, she brought slightly the woollen cloth to her face for a moment and inhaled deeply the pleasant scent of his cigars.
"And why is that smell so appealing?" she thought as she walked into the nursery.
That evening, after the three of them had finished dinner, they sat in the warm dining room, Wade having brought a chessboard from John's study and Rhett showing the boy with great interest how the pieces moved. Scarlett had just come down from the nursery, having checked on and fed Ella, and was about to apologize to her guest for having to entertain Wade again, when Rhett looked up from the board, caught her eye, smiled and said, "We sat down to dinner so quickly, Scarlett, I was distracted and didn't give you and the children your presents."
Scarlett looked at him questioningly and frowned slightly, partly because it felt wrong to accept presents from him, they didn't know each other well, and partly because she hadn't prepared a present for him and...
"Captain Butler, thank you, but..."
"Scarlett," he interrupted, smiling softly, "it's Christmas..."
She stood and watched as he walked over to the paper bags on the chair, then handed Wade, who immediately forgot about chess, a metallic green model of a steam train and linen bag filled with sweets, then walked over to her and smiled gently, handing her a box tied with a pink ribbon, which she opened to reveal a beautiful porcelain doll. Lightly touching the doll's soft hair and running her hand over its dress, Scarlett could only smile.
"It's..." she began.
"For Ella..." he interrupted her softly, "when she's a bit older..." He looked down at her, at the curls that lay neatly on her shoulders, and wanted to touch them so badly...
"It's very beautiful," she said at last, lifting her eyes from the doll to meet his.
He smiled and she continued, "Thank you, Captain Butler, I..." but then they heard the clock strike eight.
"I think it's time for Wade to go to the nursery," she said thoughtfully, and Rhett nodded, but noticing the boy's frowning eyebrows, which seemed to indicate that he wanted to play some more, he said quickly, leaning over to him, "Come on, Wade, you're going to the nursery now, but I'll come and visit you in a couple days and we'll play with you, I promise."
Scarlett was surprised to hear these words, but kept silent, concentrating on her son.
While Scarlett was upstairs, Rhett lit a cigar and sat at a coffee table by the window, the snow falling outside, apparently it was going to get heavier by nightfall, but he didn't care. He was thoughtful, wondering if she would accept a present from him.
"Captain Butler," he heard her voice and took his eyes off the snow outside the window to see that Scarlett had come in with a tray of cups, a teapot and plates of desserts.
"I thought you might like some tea?" she asked as she came closer and saw him quickly put out his cigar, stand up and, holding out his hands, gently take the tray from her hands and place it on the table, saying before she sat down, "Wait a minute, Scarlett..."
She looked at him questioningly and saw him walk over and take the remaining paper bag from the chair, then carefully pull out an emerald green, intricately knitted woollen shawl and hand it to her without taking his eyes off her.
"This is for you, Scarlett," he said in a calm tone, but inside he was worried, waiting for her reaction.
Scarlett looked at the shawl, at him, and bit her lower lip for a moment, not knowing how best to respond, how to phrase her refusal.
"You see, Captain Butler, I am very grateful to you, but..."
He was silent, holding the shawl in front of her, and then Scarlett said quietly, "I am in mourning for my husband... And... It's not proper to accept gifts..."
"It will suit your eyes very well," he replied calmly, adding with a smile, "and besides, you don't have to wear it somewhere. You can wear it at home, it's winter..."
Scarlett sighed, not knowing what to say. Her hand automatically reached out to touch the soft, weightless wool and her thoughts jumped from one to the other, "I'm in mourning, yes... But I could really wear it at home... Oh, it's so beautiful... And it would suit me so well... And I'll insult him if I refuse... And... "
He saw her hesitate and said with a smile, "Make up your mind, Scarlett," and then added playfully with a wink, "I won't tell anyone."
Scarlett hesitated a moment longer, but finally her little hand reached for the shawl and she replied, smiling and looking at him mischievously, "Let it be our secret, Captain Butler. Thank you."
He smiled broadly and nodded.
But then she frowned slightly and said, looking him in the eyes, "But I don't have a present for you and..."
"Scarlett, I think an invitation to dinner could be considered a present," he interrupted her gently and added, pointing to the kettle, "let's have tea."
They sat by the window, the logs crackling in the fireplace, and the conversation, which Rhett had begun by telling of his trip to New York, was smoothly carried on by Scarlett, who told of last Christmas with her husband, of his anniversary present, of some little daily things... Rhett put his hand under his chin and listened without interruption, nodding slightly and barely hearing her. He admired the features of her face, as if no one could stop him from rediscovering them. Outside the weather was bad, but here, hidden from the world, he was drowning in feelings he had once sworn to ridicule. The feeling of coziness, the warmth of home, the feeling of love...
For a moment, Scarlett realized that she was speaking almost alone and that her guest was only nodding at her. Meeting his gaze, she looked away nervously, startled. The look was so familiar... "Why is he looking at me like that?" she thought, taking a sip of her cold tea. "He looks at me like this... Like this... Like he hasn't seen me for ages... Like he missed me... Why..."
And then a vivid realization hit her and Scarlett looked up at him nervously, then thought, "Right... How could I not have noticed... Right... That explains it..."
"Captain Butler," she said quickly, not sure if she was doing the right thing. Rhett seemed to wake up to her rather harsh voice and almost dropped his cup on the edge of the table when he heard, "Do I look like your beloved woman? I mean, the one you've been looking for?"
He cleared his throat slightly, not quite sure why she was asking such questions, and finally replied in a deliberately calm voice, "Maybe a little".
She nodded and turned to the window.
It was clear to her now why he liked her company and wanted to come to her house. She didn't know how to feel about it. Yes, she gave the man some peace, but being the ghost of his lost woman in his eyes did not flatter her very much.
"But at least that explains everything," she thought, looking out the window.
Rhett noticed that she was starting to feel uncomfortable around him, and he didn't understand why she kept bringing up his "lost beloved woman". Maybe he was doing something wrong, pushing her away... Not wanting to ruin the cozy atmosphere in the room, he looked around and saw the forgotten chess board on the table.
"Scarlett," he called to her, smiling.
She tore her eyes from the falling snow outside the window and looked at him questioningly.
"You said John taught you to play chess," he continued, and when he saw her nod, he asked, "would you play with me?"
She smiled at him and said haughtily, "I'm actually very good at it, John said maths and logic were my strengths! Aren't you afraid of losing, Captain Butler?" she finished with a sly smile.
Rhett grinned, stood up and picked up the game board, carefully placing it on the coffee table between them.
"White or black, Mrs Carter?" she heard him ask.
She grinned and reached for the white pawn on his palm, "Of course it's white, Captain Butler!"
He smiled and silently began to adjust the pieces on the board, remembering how John had written to him, "Scarlett loves chess and you can't imagine, Captain Butler, how childishly happy she is when she wins a game. Of course, the games often go on for days, I am distracted by work, sometimes she is tired from being with Wade and just in her delicate condition, but she is very capable at chess, apparently she is good at mathematics. Well, Captain Butler, it's wonderful when you see something new in your woman, something..."
"Captain Butler, your move," Rhett heard her melodious voice and, distracted from his memories, moved his black pawn.
And John was right, Rhett hadn't expected it, but she surprised him again. It was their first game, and they played quickly, not always thoughtfully, making brave and cunning moves as if to show each other their strengths and abilities.
After an hour of play, Scarlett smiled at him and offered him coffee, then went into the kitchen.
Looking at the board, where he was clearly going to have to try and draw the game, Rhett suddenly smiled mischievously, held out his hand and then sat staring at the door in anticipation.
A moment later Scarlett entered the dinning room with a tray. Two china cups, a steaming pot of coffee, a plate of sweets and cookies, and Rhett noticed her smile, obviously anticipating her imminent victory at the game.
She set the tray down on the large table and looked at him.
"Sit down, Scarlett," he said smiling, "we'll finish the game quickly, the coffee won't have time to get cold."
She looked at him with interest but quickly walked over and sat down in the chair.
"Your move..." he said quietly, looking at her with his smiling black eyes.
Scarlett looked at the board and was about to move her white rook when she suddenly frowned, looked around the board and looked at him questioningly.
"Have you lost something, Mrs Carter?" she heard a laughing voice say, and frowning even more, she said, "I haven't lost anything, Captain Butler! Looks like someone has stolen my queen!"
Rhett looked at her and smiled mischievously, and she suddenly giggled and said, "Put it back where it belongs, Captain Butler! Did you really think I wouldn't notice the disappearance of the most important piece on the board?"
"Is the king less important ?" he continued to tease her.
"Oh! I'm certainly not going to sit down and continue to play with a varmint like you, Captain Butler!" she replied with mock indignation.
His heart trembled, but he did not show it, and noticing her slightly embarrassed look, he joked again, "What, what did you call me, Mrs Carter? Say it again - what - varmint?"
She was embarrassed, realized she had probably overstepped their bounds a little, and only said, throwing up her hands, "Really, Rhett, you're acting like a little boy, knowing that..."
His heart trembled again at the sound of his name and he interrupted her quickly, "What did you call me, Scarlett?"
Scarlett looked at him worriedly but sternly, clasping her hands lightly in front of her. She didn't hesitate to call him by his first name, and it was suddenly so familiar and ordinary to her, as if she could call him that easily. But it wasn't quite right, the familiarity...
"I'm sorry, Captain Butler, I..."
"Scarlett, please..." he interrupted her gently and asked, "I would be very happy if you would call me by my first name..."
"But...You know, you're more suited to "varmint," she muttered.
He laughed and said quickly, looking softly into her confused eyes.
"I'm ready to admit defeat in this game tonight."
She narrowed her eyes slightly, then smiled slyly and nodded, "All right, Rhett," she said his name clearly, which made him smile even wider, "you've lost!"
She was really happy to have won in a sincere, childish way, and Rhett decided to joke again, "Next time, Scarlett, I'll bring cards and teach you how to play poker. And I assure you, luck will be on my side..."
"Ha, don't be so cocky, Rhett Butler! I'm pretty lucky too, and besides, beginners are lucky," she finished, giggling.
Rhett raised his hands in defeat and said, "Well, shall we have coffee with you?"
"Pour it, Rhett, since you lost," she laughed, sitting deeper in her chair, with her arms folded across her chest.
They'd barely had time to finish their coffee before the clock struck ten and they looked round.
"Looks like I have to go, Scarlett," he said with a gentle smile. She nodded, but looked worriedly out of the window. The snow was getting quite heavy and it would be impossible to find the carriage here on the edge of town...
"How are you going to get to the hotel, Rhett?"
He took a deep breath, feeling the warmth of her words, and simply replied, "That's all right, Scarlett, I'll walk, maybe a carriage will turn up..."
"You're crazy," she cut him off, adding, "you'll either get pneumonia or get in trouble! "
Glancing around the room, she suddenly smiled and said, "You take our Gracie, Rhett. There's everything in the stable there... But can you look after her? Is there a groom at the hotel?"
He smiled at her and nodded, glad to have such a good excuse to come by tomorrow.
"Come along then, Rhett, your coat is in the hall and the stable is to the right of the house, remember... I'll be looking out the window, so if you need anything, just wave."
Standing in the hall, already in his coat, Rhett smiled and said, "Thanks for the evening, Scarlett..."
She nodded, reaching out to shake his hand, but he suddenly leaned in and she felt the quick touch of his warm lips against her hand.
Her breath caught in her throat at the unexpected gesture, but Rhett quickly released her hand, put on his hat and said, "Merry Christmas, Scarlett," and walked quickly out into the snowy night.
She stood at the window for a long time, watching the snow fall and remembering the rider in the black woollen coat on her horse, waving and smiling slightly as he rode away.
Dear Readers! I wish you a Merry Christmas! I wish you and your loved ones health, peace and light in your homes.
I tried to make this chapter cozy and post it in time for the holidays.
Unfortunately, I can't make you happy with a separate Christmas story, because real life makes its own adjustments, not always pleasant ones. But as long as I have a sense of humour and coffee, everything will be fine!:)
Thanks for reading!:) I'm planning another chapter before the New year, our characters have to move on :)