Good evening, Dear readers!

Towards the end of the holidays and on the Orthodox Christmas, I decided to post this chapter. I enjoyed writing it. It was on the edge, on the edge of the blade and on the fingertips. I don't know how, but the words came together...

What it's like to talk about relationships and events you were a part of but can't remember... What it feels like to know that you were loved, but not to know that it were you...

Enjoy reading!:)

P.S. And as always, great thank you for all the reviews and messages you write to me.

P.P.S. some pictures for your inspiration https/polinka22malinka/771971009606811648/my-inspiration-for-the-chapter-11-of-my-story?source=share

Chapter 11

Rhett saw how quickly Scarlett placed the brooch on the table and looked at her nervously. He was already cursing his forgetfulness and the fact that he'd mentioned Nassau. He stared into her face, into her green eyes that looked at him sternly, trying to read them, but one guess was worse than another... What if she remembered something... Now... His throat went dry and he reached for his china cup, but it was empty.

Rhett cleared his throat and asked, trying to sound confident but his voice was quite, "Is something wrong, Scarlett? Didn't you like the jewellery?"

He saw her narrow her eyes and look at him with some kind of resentment or contempt. A vivid memory flashed through his mind of one spring day during the war when they were picking flowers and he had given her his handkerchief. A few days later, at one of the events, she had returned it to him with that look on her face, and then she had not spoken to him for a couple of days until he had given her another present. It had been one of those rare mysterious occasions when he had not understood her behaviour. And now there was that look again.

"No, Captain Butler," he heard her metallic voice, "how can I like a piece of jewellery meant for another woman?"

"Scarlett..."

But she suddenly made a warning gesture with her hand, rose from her chair and then began to speak rapidly, clutching the upholstered backrest with her hands.

"Please don't say anything, Captain Butler. I realized that this brooch was not meant for me, for as far as I know, it has been a very long time since you were in Nassau. Am I right?"

"Not quite, Scarlett," he tried to contradict her, rising from his chair as well.

"Why did you want to give it to me, Captain Butler?" she continued, looking at him nervously and clutching the velvet upholstery of the armchair tighter and tighter.

"Scarlett, please," he began to explain, "it's only a gift and..."

"No!" she exclaimed sharply and Rhett fell silent, biding his time.

"You... You..." she tried to find the words, but she couldn't make sense of the chaos of emotions inside her. She had suspected that he saw her as his lost beloved woman, and had even resigned herself to the fact that she was willing to give him company, but he had penetrated too deeply into her home, her family, her life and her thoughts. These realizations confused her. Scarlett didn't like complicated feelings, mysteries, secrets... She'd had enough of her past shrouded in mystery.

So she caught his gaze again, then looked at the brooch on the table and another realization made her angry at both him and the jewellery.

Like a wounded child, she spoke quickly and emotionally, not letting him get a word in edgewise, though Rhett didn't try.

"Go away, Captain Butler! Go away! And don't you dare bring your stupid presents in here! Find your lost woman, marry her and start a family! Stop messing with me and my children! I don't have a husband to protect us! But I won't replace your missing woman, don't even dream of it! Get out!"

She finished her speech quickly and watched as he grew paler with every word and his hands clenched tighter and tighter into fists.

There was silence between them, and without giving him a chance to reply, Scarlett quickly moved away from the table and then left the room, leaving only the faint trail of her rose and musk perfume, a scent he had rediscovered and firmly associated with her.

"Damn it!" he cursed, then quickly grabbed the brooch from the table, and a few moments later in her bedroom, Scarlett heard the front door slam loudly and covered her ears with her hands.

She looked out of the window and saw him walking down the path, walking fast without looking back, his shoulders were tense and she thought his hands were still clenched into fists. But she didn't have time to see it properly, because Rhett was walking away as fast as he could, like from a burning house.

Scarlett watched him nervously until he was out of sight, then shook her head stubbornly, "I did the right thing, it's unacceptable to behave like this! And those presents..." she pondered smoothing her hair in front of the mirror, then went cold.

"What if all those presents... No, Scarlett, no, don't be silly..." she thought, and then went to the wardrobe and took out the beautiful emerald shawl he had given her for Christmas, running her hand over the soft fabric and trying again to calm herself, "I've done everything right. I didn't ask him for presents and I won't accept any more from him! And for this situation he should come and apologize," she said to herself stubbornly and confidently, then she heard Ella fussing in the nursery and went quickly to her.

The next three days passed for Scarlett in thoughts and doubts. Rhett didn't come, didn't send a note of apology, just disappeared from her life as if he had never existed.

At every unfamiliar sound outside the window, whether it was a carriage or a horseman, Scarlett turned and looked out sadly, then turned her eyes to the blue April sky.

There were constant knocks at the front door, a neighbour coming in to treat "the late doctor's young wife" to a sweet cake, Amy coming in on her day off to "make you, Miss Scarlett, a very nice stew, as you don't eat very well", Jim coming and bringing in a new lady's saddle for Gracie, even the knife sharpener worker coming. "Good heavens," Scarlett thought nervously and irritably, "we've never had a knife sharpener worker come to our house in all these years!"

At the beginning of the fourth day, her confidence began to melt away like the snowball she had once picked up in her hands during her first winter here, walking in the park with John. The snow melted, leaving her palm wet and cold, replacing the elation with an uncomfortable sensation that stopped when John lovingly took her hand in his hands and warmed it.

And now her confidence was melting with every minute they spent in the room where they'd fought. Pressing her cold palms against her neck, she thought sadly that he might leave and never come back. She remembered how he had gone away for a month, how lonely and sad she had been without their meetings, his jokes and their conversations. She rubbed her chin on her shoulder, a gesture she often repeated when she felt guilty, and quickly went to find Wade. Looking after the children was always a distraction, even if it wasn't the most pleasant one.

Scarlett, trying to read a book to Wade after breakfast, heard him ask when Uncle Rhett was coming and became angry, scolding her son for his lack of manners. When she saw the boy's eyes glisten and his head drop, she almost cried and apologized to him for her intemperance.

"Understand, son, there are some things that are for grown-ups only," she tried to explain to the child, and then sent him to Amy to the kitchen for some cookies, which she usually forbade him to eat before lunch.

To distract herself, Scarlett took Gracie for a walk. She could feel the gentle, shy April sun growing bolder every day as they walked in the wooded park behind the house.

She stopped, caressed the warm mane with the palm of her hand, then stroked the horse's muzzle and looked into its eyes. "Oh, Gracie..." she whispered and reaching into a pocket in the folds of her black dress for a treat.

After lunch that afternoon, Scarlett walked around the living room while Mary was putting the children down for their afternoon nap. She realized that she had overreacted. She realized that she had spoken rudely to a man who had done nothing wrong to her or the children...

No! She may have acted rashly, but she can always apologize! With a determination that her late husband had always admired, she walked into his study, sat down at his desk, took a piece of paper, dipped a pen in ink and quickly wrote a few lines on a piece of paper.

"Mary, Mary," she called impatiently to the maid, then said something quietly to her, handing the folded sheet of paper.

Rhett Butler spent those few days in a blur, shuttling between a gambling house where he was unlucky at cards, an elite bar where he drank more than usual, and his hotel room where he smoked cigar after cigar. He could hardly sleep because he was constantly thinking and worrying that it was time to take an important step.

He was experiencing a complex cocktail of emotions. There was anger at her words about him "messing with her and the children" and irritation at himself for blabbing so foolishly. But Rhett realized that Scarlett had been right, and so close to the truth. It was a present for that Scarlett, the flighty, selfish coquette from Clayton County, but he wanted so much to give it to her, this sweet young woman from Saratoga Springs.

On the fourth day, he woke up determined to tell her the whole truth, but no matter how much she cursed and screamed at him, he would be there for her. Take her to her relatives in Atlanta, to her sisters... But he'll be there for her, damn it! He felt that she trusted him, that they'd never been closer than in these months. That their communication had never been so easy and trusting.

He simply believed that it would be enough for them to continue to build something special, something of their own. He was willing to wait at least a year after John's death to start courting her (even if it was bold enough) and then marry her.

"Well..." he thought that morning as he ate breakfast for the first time and finished his coffee in the silence of the room.

Rhett tried to read a book to distract himself before the conversation and feel more confident, but doubts and questions ate away at his soul from within. He'd have to tell her how he'd left her there alone with a handful of people, who depended on her so much and disappeared into the hot night.

"How do I explain all this to her? " he asked himself for the hundredth time, covering his eyes tiredly with his hand.

A knock at the door distracted him and Rhett quickly got up, opened the door and a smiling porter handed him a telegram.

He read it quickly, then simply placed it on the bedside table. His brother had arrived safely in Charleston.

His mind was wandering back to his problems when there was another knock at the door. "What the hell is this?" he cursed, then crossed the room, quickly opening the door and looking at the newcomer with surprise and anxiety.

Scarlett sat looking sadly at the fireplace in John's study, losing track of time. She was glad that Mary had got the children to nap before she needed her help. The thought of having to soothe a child made her want to close her eyes and not open them.

"God, why did I say those things to him?" she thought, nervously wrapping her arms around her wrists and rubbing them alternately. She wouldn't thought about remorse and shame, but the man had been kind to her, to her children, and even though what she had said was true to an extent, the rudeness with which she had done it made her feel disgusted with herself.

"After all, he and I are like friends, even though that's probably strange and unusual in society. We're so good at talking and having fun, even though he annoys me on purpose..."

Scarlett ran her hand over her eyes and rubbed them wearily.

Yes, she didn't want to be a ghost, a shadow of his "lost woman", but he'd never said it to her. There were only his looks when he looked at her with some desperation, some expectation...

Scarlett sighed heavily, then glanced nervously at the clock on the mantelpiece, then turned her eyes back to the fire.

She heard the carriage arrive and swallowed nervously, then heard the front door open and closed her eyes, then heard the study door ajar and felt goosebumps on her back.

"Mary, did you manage to pass the note?" she asked quietly, without turning round.

"Yes," she heard his hoarse voice, flinched and opened her eyes. After a moment she felt Rhett move closer and touch her shoulder lightly with his hand.

Scarlett turned, then stood up from her chair and they were face to face, so close. For a moment she looked into his worried eyes, managed to glide down his face, lingering on his lips, but then took a small step back and said softly, "I didn't think you'd come so soon, Captain Butler."

"I got your note," he replied without taking his eyes off her.

"Yes... I just didn't know if you were in town... Or if you were busy... But, I..."

"I'm always free for you, Scarlett," he said simply.

She swallowed and looked at him nervously. For some reason, she was reminded of John's words when he had once told Wade that there was no shame in asking for forgiveness, that it wasn't a sign of weakness, but of strength.

"I wanted to apologize to you, Captain Butler," she said suddenly and frankly, even reaching out to touch his forearm.

Rhett looked at her questioningly and interjected, "Apologize, Scarlett?"

She looked at him nervously again and pointed to the leather sofa by the small table where they had sat on their first meeting.

They sat down and she, adjusting the skirt of her black dress, said only, "Yes, to apologize. I mean to say that I still don't quite understand or approve of your gesture with that gift, which was meant for another woman. But I know you did not mean to offend me. I see how kind you are to me and my children, and it's just that, I realize... I mean, I don't really understand... I mean..." With each phrase Scarlett seemed to lose the power of speech and the thread of the narrative, for with each word his serious face grew lighter and he looked at her in a way that made her knees tremble. She even put her hands gently on them to control her trembling a little.

"I just wanted to say, Captain Butler," she started to speak again in a serious voice, but he interrupted her, "Scarlett, please..."

She looked at him questioningly and he continued with a slight smile, "Please call me what you used to call - by my first name... Or varmint, if you're more comfortable with that," he finished, trying to make a joke, but seeing her confused eyes, he suddenly reached for her icy cold hand and gently took it in his warm palm.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Scarlett. Yes, the words were a little harsh, but you were right, I have had that brooch for a long time. I had intended to give it to another woman, so I have to apologize too..." he finished, looking into her eyes.

She just nodded, feeling the warmth of his hand and not knowing if she wanted him to let go of her palm or keep the other one warm too.

Finally, gently removing her hand from under his palm, she smiled at him and decided to ask something that excited her greatly, for she was curious.

"Why didn't you give the brooch to that woman? Didn't you have the opportunity?"

Rhett looked at her carefully, grinning slightly, remembering their argument after the hospital on that hot July day, and then their twilight conversation on her Aunt Pitty's porch, when he had asked her to be his mistress... And how much of that could he have told her?

As if reading his thoughts, she asked softly, "Tell me, Rhett. I admit I'm curious, but maybe I can understand you..."

He wanted to laugh nervously and kiss her desperately at the same time. He didn't realize what a mess he was making, how he was becoming more and more entangled in the web of lies he had created for himself, and yet he was so in love with her that didn't know how not to hurt her...

"Rhett..."

"Sorry Scarlett, I was thinking," he replied quickly, saying simply, "I didn't have time to get her that present, we had a fight that day and then another one a few days later."

She grinned and said, "Well, if you behaved like a varmint then I can understand her..."

He smiled and suddenly asked, "Could we have a coffee with you, Scarlett? Could we? And I'll tell you... What you want to know..."

She nodded at him and quickly got up to ask Amy to get them some coffee.

Ten minutes later they were still sitting in the study, steam rising from the hot coffee pot and Rhett carefully pouring the drink into the cups himself, adding to her cup some milk and a couple lumps of sugar without asking her.

"How did you know I put two sugars in?" asked Scarlett suddenly.

"I'm observant," he replied quickly with a smile, sitting down more comfortably on the sofa.

"So are you going to tell me?" she asked again, taking a sip and looking at him intently.

"What do you want to know, Scarlett?"

"Well... I'd like to know... Did you meet her during the war?"

"The day war was declared, ironic as that sounds," he replied.

"Did you court her, Rhett? I mean, you saw each other, didn't you? Often?"

"More or less... When I wasn't in the blockade, yes, I was with her."

Scarlett looked at him with interest, trying to imagine how this man had courted the woman, whether he had danced with her, accompanied her somewhere... But she couldn't ask about such things, of course...

"We didn't have an easy time with presents," he began suddenly, looking straight ahead. "First I brought her a very beautiful and fashionable bonnet from Paris..."

"And she accepted it?"

Rhett nodded, and Scarlett reflected that she shouldn't judge the woman, for she herself had accepted a shawl from him for Christmas.

"But once I brought her a beautiful silk shawl from Nassau, but apparently she didn't like my gift, because I didn't see it on her, maybe she gave it to somebody..."

Scarlett looked again at Rhett, who was concentrating on drinking his coffee, and decided to ask the main question, "You lost her, Rhett... I know that... But did you have time to tell her how you felt?"

Rhett stared at her, remembering how he'd whispered that he loved her in the darkness of that hot night, but she'd barely heard him.

"I said... But I'm afraid she didn't hear me or believe me."

"Are you looking for her now?"

"No, Scarlett... I'm not looking for her..."

She looked at him with a mixture of surprise and sadness, not understanding how this brave man could give up, but she remained silent. Now she was already nervous that she had started this conversation out of curiosity... It had to end somehow. So she just finished her coffee, put the cup down carefully and said, "Thank you for sharing, Rhett. Let's do this, you don't get me any presents and I'll forget about this incident, okay?"

"I know you like presents, Scarlett. Promise me you won't refuse accepting them."

"But..."

"There are no more situations like this, and there won't be any more. I have nothing left of her or for her..."

"And the brooch?"

The brooch was still among his things in the hotel room, but Rhett just said, "It's gone."

Scarlett fell silent.

They sat in the study for a while, then Wade joined them, and Rhett played chess with him, then Scarlett went to Ella and then they all had tea together again. He refused to stay for dinner, for he did not show it, but that conversation, her interested and trusting look, excited him. He had to go for a walk and put his thoughts in order... But he was very glad that she no longer took offence at him.

They stood in the hall, Scarlett watching Rhett buttoning his jacket, adjusting his lapels, and he was reaching for his hat when something stopped him. He turned to her, smiled and suddenly took both her hands in his, leaned in quickly and kissed them. She didn't have time to say anything or pull away, only to feel his warm lips touching her cold skin and his moustache lightly scratching her. Scarlett lowered her eyes to his black hair and felt the strange desire to run her palm through it.

He straightened just as quickly, smiled at her again and gently released her hands.

"I'm glad we made up, Scarlett," he said quietly, and she could only nod, still feeling the warmth of his lips on her hands, which she clasped awkwardly.

"You should go, Rhett," she said, reaching for the hat and carefully taking it before handing it to him.

"See you soon, Scarlett," he said and walked quickly out of the door.

He took a few steps and came down the porch, closing his eyes for a moment, then opening them, he adjusted his hat and smiled bitterly.