"Kens, this is Luke, our new teacher's aide. Luke, this is my girlfriend Kensi."

The brunette looks up from her Santa shaped cookie, meeting Luke's eyes and her body immediately runs cold when she sees the birthmark above his right eye. "It can't be."

"What was that?" Luke's brow furrows right along with Marty's as they look at her in confusion.

The nausea sweeps over her like a gust of wind. "I'm sorry, would you excuse me for a second."

After sending Luke a nervous smile, Marty chases after her, calling her name in hopes that she'd stop. She eventually does but it's not until they're out the front doors and engulfed into the balmy Chicago air. Before he can get another word out, she's doubled over, sobbing.

Even more alarmed now, he closes the distance between them, placing his hand reassuringly on her back. "Baby, what's wrong."

"It-it can't be him."

"What? Who? Who can't it be?"

She stands up, tears in her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she does the best she can to steady herself. "There's something I need to tell you and I don't know how you're gonna react. You'll probably leave again and then the girls will be separated and Riley will never forgive me. I could barely hang on the last time you left, I don't know if I'll make it again." She suddenly stops rambling when his hands interlock with hers.

"Baby, breathe. Whatever it is, we'll get through it. I promise I'm not going anywhere."

"I think you will."

"I think I won't. So, just please tell me what's got you outta sorts."

"Before I say anything else I just want you to know how much I love you and I've been destroying myself over how long it's taken me to tell you this. It should've happened way sooner."

"Please, just tell me."

"Remember when we first got back together and I said I couldn't have anymore children?"

"Yeah, things have just been nothing but chaos the past few months and anytime we were alone I was more focused on being with you and never got around to broaching the subject."

Taking a deep breath, Kensi allows all she's feeling to be and not force it away or ignore what's about to change and there's nothing she can do except be honest. "When I got pregnant with Riley it was an accident. My previous OB had warned me that if I got pregnant a second time that it could end my life and it almost did. I had been so careful, so fucking careful, and don't get me wrong, I love my little girl with all my heart, but I was so scared. Once Riley was out I had to make the decision to prevent it from happening again. I couldn't get pregnant a third time and possibly leave my girl without a mom, so I got a hysterectomy."

"Baby, that's okay. We have each other and our girls. It's perfect."

"I don't think you understand."

"What's not to understand? Your second pregnancy was your last…"

She looks down at their intertwined fingers unable to bear the realization when it crosses his features.

"So-so you were pregnant before?"

She nods, not daring to look into his eyes just yet.

"When?"

The ache in his voice is evident when he speaks and she just knows she's gonna break when she looks in his eyes but she has to, she owes him that much. Tilting her head back up, her mismatched brown orbs that are pooling with unshed tears meet his tormented ocean blues.

"You mean…"

"When you left, I stopped living. I wouldn't go out. I barely passed my classes until one day I started to heal. I started becoming me again. A few weeks later I was in the middle of a lecture when this constant shooting pain was hitting me in my lower back. I thought maybe I pulled something in practice."

"But you didn't."

"No-no, I didn't." Rewetting her dry lips, she gives herself a second. "Later that night when I got home, Jessica forced me to go to the ER because the pain hadn't subsided."

His eyes are focused on her, hanging on her every word. He can feel the heaviness begin to consume his chest, but he waits for her to continue before trying to speak.

"I found out that I had high levels of hCG."

"The pregnancy hormone." He clarifies.

"Yeah."

The pain in his chest is so present that it's hard for him to ask the question he needs the answer to desperately. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Honestly, as cliche as it sounds. I didn't know how and then I saw-" She stops herself knowing that if she finishes her thought there's no undoing it.

"Saw who? Luke?" His brow furrows and heart picks up speed when the dots start to connect in his head. "Is he-"

"I-I don't know." A single tear runs down her cheek. How could she not know? How does a mother not know her own child? But the reality is…she knew. She knew in her heart that Luke was no stranger.

"What do you mean you don't know? How could you not know?"

"The adoption was closed but I saw him before they took him away and he had this birth mark over is right eye."

"That doesn't mean it's him."

"It's him." She lets herself speak the words even though it hurts to know he's been here all this time, so close to his father and sisters.

"How are you sure?"

"I can't really explain it, it's just a feeling…a knowing."

"I-I can't do this."

"I know." She takes a calming breath. It was eventually going to come out and she had prepared herself as best as she could. The twist in her stomach and ache in her heart isn't something someone can prepare for though. She made her bed and now she has to lye in it. "I'm gonna go. If or when you're ever ready to talk about it, I'll be at home."

"So that's it?"

"I don't know what else to say right now. It's a lot for you and I don't want to make it worse by trying to explain myself."

"Fine, but I think we need to take some time apart for awhile."

"Yeah."

"And I don't think its a good idea for us to be spending Christmas together."

She wants to fight him and for them but he needs his space, rightfully so. As she tries to fight off more tears, Kensi nods in acceptance. "Okay, I'm gonna go."

He watches as she starts towards her car, shaking his head before running to catch up with her. He's mad at her, sure, but that doesn't mean he wants her to be out here at night alone. "Let me walk you to your car."

They walk in silence, nothing but the soft patters of snow falling onto the trees filling the air between them. Once they reach Kensi's Jeep, she reaches for the handle, opening the door. She contemplates just getting in and driving away without another word but it's just not in her. Turning, her red eyes meet his. "Marty?"

"Yeah?"

"I know it may not mean a lot to you right now but I really am sorry. I love you." She doesn't give him time to respond, afraid of what he might say, so she quickly shuts the door, not making eye contact before driving off into the chilly night air.