Thanks ElizabethSoph and DimmDimms.
51.
Frederick felt awkward, now that they were not in a sensual embrace, having his shirt untucked. So he stood up, tucked his shirt back into his trousers, and closed his shirt up. But he felt no discomfort in otherwise being casually attired in his shirt sleeves without coat or cravat; she was his wife, after all. Frederick sat back down and prepared the food, beginning by slathering a slice of bread with the blackberry preserves and handing it to Anne.
Anne welcomed the distraction of doing something, anything else, for her body still burned and she wished to press herself against Frederick again. She did not realize she was hungry until the flavor of sweetened blackberries burst upon her tongue. They feasted until they were full and their lips and fingers were sticky from the preserves and wine. The attempt to clean themselves with their handkerchiefs was not entirely successful and Anne wished she had some soap and water, an impossibility out here and she certainly did not want to climb down the hills to the ship and then back up the hills again when it was time for dinner.
"May I?" Frederick took up her hand, but rather than merely hold it, drew it toward his mouth. Understanding his intention, Anne nodded and looked wide-eyed at Frederick as he licked and sucked each of her fingers clean, also swiping at a streak of preserves along her palm with his tongue. Anne found the whole process rather stimulating, and when he was done, she performed the same office for him. Both were breathing hard by the time they were done.
"I think you have a bit of preserves upon your lips, wife," Frederick mentioned.
Feeling a little more bold, and definitely cheeky, Anne replied, "Can you help me with that, husband?"
"But of course," he replied, winking. He licked his thumb and swiped at the edge of her mouth.
"Not like that," Anne complained, lightly shaking her head.
"Have you another method in mind?" Frederick's eyes gleamed with amusement.
Anne nodded, and simultaneously they leaned toward each other and kissed. Only their lips touched at first, but soon they were entwined about each other. This time, however, Anne held herself back and did not attempt to delve under Frederick's clothing. Although Frederick knew Anne was simply listening to him about that, he still missed her more fervent affections.
After a time, the kissing came to an end and they simply lay back upon the blanket together in a half embrace, Frederick upon his back, his left arm around Anne, and Anne on her right side, her head resting upon his chest, and her left arm draped over his stomach, hand lightly rubbing his chest through his shirt with more affection than passion.
"I worry," Anne began softly, "that later, perhaps, you shall regret marrying me, that you have made me too perfect in your mind, and the reality shall not measure up."
"No, Anne, no." Frederick wrapped his other arm around her and pulled Anne more tightly against him, tucking her head under his chin. "Never think that! I know you are not perfect, but I am not perfect either, but together, together we are more than we were separately. Getting married is only the beginning of the adventure of our lives together. There is so much I still do not know about you, but I look forward to finding it all out." He kissed her temple affectionately.
"I have committed myself to you and only you, whomever that 'you' turns out to be. My love is so deep and wide, and I shall love you just as well if not more so when you are a little old lady with white hair, wrinkles, and must use an ear horn to hear me shouting my love to you. My love does not depend upon what you do, but who you are." Anne relaxed deeper into his embrace and Frederick squeezed her tighter.
"I am still amazed, Anne, at your commitment and fortitude to be always thinking of us, even when you hardly had reason for hope at all. You have done so much to get to me and prepare yourself for life upon my ship, but what have I done but propose many years back, regret our parting, and then write you a letter begging you to marry me despite my years of neglect? If anything, I am not worthy of you and I worry that you shall regret choosing me and leaving your family and friends behind, to occupy a tiny cabin with a husband who is constantly busy with his duties, when you deserve to be holding court in a palace salon."
Holding court in a palace salon? Who did he think she was? The second daughter of a baronet was nothing hardly at all. "What a ridiculous notion," Anne commented, "I am no one of any importance."
"But you are important to anyone with a bit of sense, and all the men that failed to snatch you up over the intervening years are fools."
Anne did not quite believe Frederick, but his words mollified her. They continued to relish each other's embrace in a comfortable silence for a number of minutes. But then another worry of niggle popped up in Anne's mind. "What if I do not measure up to what you expect, when we . . . " she worked up her courage to finish her sentence ". . . engage in our marital duties? I know very well that men are used to paid women and a captain has many options for companionship. What if it should turn out that I am not what you want?"
Frederick was silent for a few moments, but then his rumbly laughter began. Anne was shaken by its intensity, but did not understand it.
When it died down, she asked "What do you find so humorous in my genuine worry? Us gently born women hardly learn anything about such things at all until it is time for us to marry, and then we just get one talk that contains precious little about how to please a husband."
Frederick chuckled again. "Anne, Anne, please have no worry on such an account. You are looking at things from a serious misapprehension of the facts when it comes to me. Whatever you may have been told about my probable actions, or think I must have been doing all of these years that we were apart, and the years before we even met, I have never done such a thing."
"What?" Anne was quite confused.
"My darling wife, I have never been with a woman. Before I met you, I was waiting for my wife . . ." He added only in his thoughts, I could not rationalize dipping my wick in one who is most probably diseased and bear the consequences of such a tumble for life. ". . . and after I met you despite how things ended, I could not desire another for anything more than the basest of acts and I knew that would never be enough to satisfy me." And it would be the height of foolishness besides.
"Can this be true?" Anne pushed herself up from his chest with her hands, so she could look him in the eyes. She saw no guile contained in them,
"Yes, quite. And it is likely to be proven out tonight when I fumble in my own performance of my duties. You may wish then that your husband had more practical knowledge than simply hearing about other men's conquests, but I am certain we shall be able to figure things out together, and if how I am is not capital, well I shall hope to improve my performance with diligent practice."
Anne saw no guile in Frederick's eyes, only gentle mirth and a pinch of worry when he contemplated his own performance, and a gleam of desire when he contemplated such practice. Anne lowered herself back down upon Frederick's chest and found herself to be unexpectedly sobbing.
Frederick stroked Anne's back, uncertain what had brought this crying jag on, or what to do about it beside try to comfort Anne as well as he could. Anne cried for five minutes or so as she clung to Frederick and then her tears lessened and she became aware of a violent need to blow her nose post-haste. She leapt up from Frederick's embrace, ran for her bag, and blew her nose several times, using a fresh handkerchief to dry her still wet eyes.
Frederick sat up. "I have more handkerchiefs in my bag if you have need of them." Anne shook her head, blew one final time, and carefully folded that hanky up in the other one. She rejoined Frederick, sitting beside him.
"What was that all about, Anne?"
She shook her head. "I hardly know. In truth I am relieved and pleased, but also feel that for many years I have been judging you unjustly. I always told myself that it did not matter what you were doing when we were apart, that you were more than justified to do whatever you wished after I broke our engagement, that anything along those lines that happened was my fault as it resulted from my actions."
Frederick took up Anne's hand and lovingly rubbed it, but said naught, wishing Anne to say all she might. This action and his silence encouraged her to continue.
"When you wrote and sent your sister to me, well I was more than prepared to accept you regardless of your actions. As a single woman, without an object for my affections both before you came into my life and after you left, I was hardly affected by any desires from my body at all. I have not forgotten the want I felt, that rushed through me when we kissed and embraced on the night we became engaged, but after we were parted for what might have been forever, such desires only came to the forefront of my mind when I thought of you and what could have been, and were only an echo of what I felt before.
"But I know men are different than women in this respect. My mother's body was hardly cold before my father began visiting a certain woman in the village, or perhaps I should say resumed visiting her. I was not supposed to know about this of course, but I did. She is nothing to him, I suppose, but the source of some diversion. I once tried to talk to Lady Russell about it, but she cut me off and told me something like 'Never you mind about that, it is none of your concern. It may end if your father remarries or it may not, but he will do as he sees fit. That is just men for you. As a wife, the right thing to do is to ignore it, and seek to fulfill your duties as well as you may so that perhaps he decides that it is not worth the trouble and expense when he has such affection at home.' I believed her in this, for who else was I to ask, and who else would speak so frankly to me and with such authority?"
Frederick shook his head. "She may have the right of it about some men, perhaps even the majority. But she knows nothing of me." Frederick continue to rub Anne's hand and she placed her other hand a top his.
Anne continued, "Once, when I was feeling particularly morose against sending you away and confided in her about that, she told me 'It is well that you are rid of that sailor. Navy men who reach port all lie with the same women as each other. Most have loathsome diseases which they then give their wives when they return to England.'"
Frederick while aghast at Lady Russell telling Anne such a thing, was determined to be nothing but honest with Anne. "Such behavior is not uncommon among the able seamen and some officers besides. But those of us who are wiser and given to reflection, know well enough the risks such conduct holds. My own father warned me against the consequences of that behavior before I went to sea and begged me most earnestly to wait to do such things until I married. His argument was logical and I resolved to do as he said. I will not pretend I have never been tempted, but the greatest temptation I faced was when I was with you."
Frederick smiled then at the memory, but it was marred by his remembered frustration of those days and how their engagement had ended. "I was determined not to dishonor you, even if you might be inclined to let me." Frederick shrugged and noted, "Perhaps, though, if I had, I would have gained you then as my wife. But then would I have ever had the success I did? The opposite paths that we never took do not reveal their outcomes to us."
"Oh Frederick!" Anne leaned into Frederick once more. "How fortunate then, that we are married, and tonight shall be our wedding night." They kissed some more, took turns venturing behind the trees to take care of the calls of nature, and talked about various other things while enjoying an easy physical affection that both hoped would be typical of what would occur going forward in their shared life together. Anne learned many things about the Laconia, including that his ship had two cats, both of them male and very good mousers, who helped keep the grain from being consumed by mice and rats.
Although they had resolved to reach Reverend Kirkpatrick's parsonage in a timely manner, both were loathe to leave their blanket and the cocoon it formed against the rest of the world. Neither wished to sort themselves out and make themselves presentable, Frederick to don his coat and hat, and Anne to try to adjust her mussed hair by feel with a few extra pins she had in her workbag, and to put her bonnet back on. Therefore, despite resolving again and again to get ready and depart in the next five minutes by Frederick's pocket watch, they left later than they should have done.
Frederick hoped rather than believed that they could make up the time by walking quickly, but it was quickly borne out that it was impossible. Perhaps he could have if alone but Anne was rather slow given that her legs and feet ached from the previous walking as she was unaccustomed to all this exercise. She wished to walk more quickly, but was simply unable to do so. Additionally, they had to descend the hill to a wider path and find someone to direct them which way they should go. Fortunately they received accurate directions, but even so, then they had to walk up the hill again. Although Frederick wished to find a conveyance to spare his wife, none was to be had without descending further to gain a road, and he dared not delay them further by leading them farther away from the parsonage.
It was a tired and sheepish Captain and Mrs. Wentworth that finally reached St. Thomas and went around it to reach the parsonage. It was evident everyone had been waiting for them for some time in the parlor, for as soon as they entered the room and greetings were exchanged, Mrs. Kirkpatrick said "Let us go into dinner." No one asked what had delayed them, but the Wentworths were still embarrassed by their poor manners. In truth, they were given much leeway, for everyone knew how newlyweds could be when they were in love, and all sitting around the table, save for young Tim, knew such love in their own marriages.
What can be said of the dinner? Anne and Frederick relished the acknowledgment of their relationship, and the ease of conversation around the comfortable table, but once dinner was finished, they did not fancy being separated from each other for long. Mrs. Kirkpatrick, understanding the eagerness of men (it did not occur to her that Anne might be eager also), and having hosted many newly married couples in their home, allowed "We usually forgo the separation when there is only one male guest, and if any of you are tired now, we will not find anything amiss if you should chose to go to bed rather than socialize."
Frederick put up a show of yawning and said "I fancy that I might like to make an early night of it. What say you, Anne?"
Anne replied, "Yes, I think that is a rather good notion."
While the parsonage was ample for the Kirkpatricks' needs, it just had three bedrooms. So Mrs. Kirkpatrick showed them to the door of the room they had been given for the night (Mrs. Croft and Mrs. Holmes were to share the room that Tim usually occupied, and he was to sleep on a mat in the kitchen on this night). Before she left, she asked Anne, "Should I send one of the other women to help you prepare for bed? Perhaps Captain Wentworth should like to take a drink with my husband in the meantime."
Frederick waited for Anne's response. "That shall not be necessary, Mrs. Kirkpatrick."
Accordingly, Mrs. Kirkpatrick bid them goodnight.
The room was small but the bed ample for two people. It was done up with a yellow counterpane and had all the usual accoutrements, including to Anne's pleasure, a sofa for two and a screen that apparently provided some privacy for the necessary, and perhaps the changing of one's clothes.
Anne's heart was thumping loudly in her chest, or at least that was how it seemed to her, but she was determined not to be a ninny about things. She sat down on one side of the sofa and set to removing her shoes. Frederick watched her for a moment and then took off his coat, slinging it over the free side of the sofa and unwound his cravat. He sat beside Anne and with some effort removed his boots. Then he waited to see what Anne would wish him to do, for he was determined not to expose himself further without her say so.
Anne set to work removing the pins from her hair, piling them on her lap. Frederick watched, fascinated to view her crowning glory descend. It was perhaps the action of the pins, he could not be certain, but her brown hair unfurled in shining waves that fell to the middle of her back. Frederick's hands itched to stroke her hair, to pull her onto him on his side of the sofa and kiss her with all the passion he had, but he restrained himself to simply watching her.
Anne grasped the pins, stood up, and set them atop a dresser which faced the bed. She studied her face for a moment in the mirror. She thought she looked well enough.
Feeling both bold and shy, and knowing that her fingers were not nearly limber enough to unbutton the many buttons at her back, Anne asked "Frederick, could you unbutton my dress for me?"
Frederick leapt up immediately. Anne lifted her hair up so that it would not obscure his view and Frederick set to work, feeling all thumbs, for his hands shook a little bit at being so close to his prize. It probably took him far longer than it should have to work each button loose from their ribbon loops.
Each inch of her shift and stays that the unbuttoning revealed seemed more delectable than the last. It was only his navy discipline that kept Frederick from kissing all her revealed skin and carrying her off to bed. Finally, with a bold yank, Frederick pulled Anne's dress down. It pooled at her ankles, leaving Anne in her stockings, shift and stays.
Anne shivered at the cooler air, at being more bare before a man than she ever had before, at anticipation of his more intimate actions which would occur which she was further divested of her clothes. But she reasoned that there really no reason to be embarrassed, for he was her husband, after all, and had she not longed to be both the object of his affections and to give herself over to him if only they could become husband and wife?
Anne gracefully stepped out of her dress, picked it up, and flung it over her side of the sofa and then asked, "Frederick, could you loosen my stays enough that I can get them off?"
"Of course," he replied. His fingers still trembled as he worked the knot loose and opened the back up wide. Frederick pushed the stays down as he had her dress. She stepped out of it, deposited it upon her dress, and sat down to untie the ribbons above her knees which secured her stockings.
Frederick, like a caught fish, gasped at seeing so much of Anne. For even by candlelight, he could see the swell of her breasts which were only half contained by her shift as she leaned down to remove her stockings, and a wide expanse of leg as she removed them one by one.
Anne looked up, caught Frederick staring and asked, "Should you not ready yourself for bed, too?" She got up, grabbed her workbag and went behind the screen.
Frederick lost no time in divesting himself of the rest of his clothing. He considered entering the bed bare as the day he was born, but for her sake donned a nightshirt. As it did nothing to camouflage his by then raging monster, he also climbed into bed, seeking the concealment of the covers.
Anne returned a moment later and Frederick's throat caught. Anne seemed the purest young virgin in her nightgown. It seemed a dream that she was coming to be with him. She paused a moment to blow out the candle and climbed in beside him.
Frederick could hardly breathe or move, afraid to break the spell, and wake from this dream. But Anne did not feel such restraint. She climbed onto him, not shying away from any of him, consumed by a passion that could not, would not be denied.
They kissed fervently, rubbed against each other, and in the course of such movements, their bedclothes came to rest above their waists and they came together before either of them quite knew what they were about. If there was any pain, Anne certainly did not notice, for she gave herself up completely to what was happening and reveled in their joint delight and the physical act that made them one.
That first time of course did not last very long, but the night was young, the young lovers were of good health, and they were eager studies at learning how to best delight each other and themselves. They soon discovered that their bedclothes got in the way of this and Anne was the first to divest herself. Frederick soon followed her example and the delight of only bare skin spurred them on to other feats. Over and over they gave themselves over to passion (which sometimes concluded with the act and sometimes did not, for even the healthiest of men have their limits), dozing in between bouts of loving.
Neither of the Wentworths wanted to rise when a servant knocked on the door in the morning, but neither did they feel any shame in their prior activities or their natural state, for their vows made everything they shared good and right. The pitcher of water and soap was hardly equal to getting them clean after all that, but they shared it when attending to one another.
One thing could have easily led to another then, but knowing that they needed to return to the ship helped to keep their eager hands in check, as well as a slight soreness from their previous indulgences. Therefore, they dressed and were down in good time for breakfast. If the lingering scent of their lovemaking was not fully gone or sufficiently masked by the odor of the ham and eggs which formed the hearty breakfast they shared with the Kirkpatricks, the adults were all too well mannered to say anything, and Tim was seated too far away to notice.
Everyone definitely did notice their shared smiles and how their eyes lingered on one another. The women were pleased that everything had evidently gone well for Anne, as that was never a given, and such an early success boded well for a happy marriage.
Mrs. Croft wondered whether, if she was in fact with child, how soon it might be until such child had a cousin. While the rate of her marital activities with her husband had not amounted to anything before, she had a feeling that Frederick and Anne would have many children. If that were in fact to come true, she thought that it was just as well that they had not married earlier.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed that and it fit within the T rating.
In case anyone is wondering, I have in my head that Admiral Croft unfortunately has a low sperm count and most of Mrs. Croft's problem conceiving has been the frequency of their fun. So when the Crofts were separated for some days so Sophia could fetch Anne and then were reunited and "took a nap," he had "saved up" and caught her shortly before she ovulated, leading to success. Incidentally, the same thing happened after he retrieved her from Deal, although that ended in a non-viable pregnancy. Yes, he took care of himself, but not for the last few days before they were reunited.