Eyes on the Size

A/N: Set after S4 E13 (The Fire in the Ice), mentions S2 E14 (The Man in the Mansion). Inspired by Brennan's mix ups with slang terms. Mostly Booth POV.

2007

Brennan waited for Sully on the edge of the basketball court as he spoke with another player, their words were low enough that she couldn't eavesdrop even if she were the type of person who did such a thing. They laughed loudly and as the other player moved away he stuck out a fist and glanced at Brennan before bumping his curled knuckles off Sully's own "Balls deep, man, balls deep!"

2009

I twirled my poker chip between my fingers as I approached Bones' office, she heard me whistling and looked up as I slapped my hand on her door frame. "Hey, hey, Bones!"

"Booth! Do we have a case?"

The excited sparkle in her eyes brought a grin to my face "Nah, no case but I would like to take up some of your time."

"Oh?" She sat up straighter and tidied her desk with a smirk on her lips "Lunch? Dragging me off to the diner again?"

There she was, acting like she didn't really want to spend time with me, I knew different. I knew deep down she liked how much of my attention was spent on her.

"Not this time, unless you wanna get lunch?" I checked my watch "It's a little early but I could eat!"

"Me too!"

Her smile makes me feel great, I love making her smile. Even though our careers were often full of sadness, anger, frustration and disgust, seeing her smile because of me made that all go away. "Okay, let's go then!"

I helped Bones with her jacket, taking in the subtle smell of her and touching her back in the way I know I'm the only one allowed to. On the way to his SUV and driving to the diner, I explained about the jackass who had transferred to the Hoover to take over the SAC position in Organised Crime. Hot shot had the big brass ones to challenge me to a one on one basketball game after finding out I used to play.

"So this guy, for some reason, wants to try and test me." I sighed and turned off the engine outside the diner. "If I refuse, he'll make out like I'm scared to face him or something."

Holding the door open for Bones, knowing she won't make a big deal out of it because it's me, I ushered her to our usual table in the usual way, hoping that the longer I touch her the more I can touch her. She settled and picked up a menu, despite knowing exactly what she wanted to order, and spoke quietly … carefully.

"Is there a reason you don't want to do it? You're usually enthusiastic about displaying your athletic prowess."

"Because it's childish and unnecessary." I winked at Connie as she poured the coffee. "And I think the only reason he's doing it is to make me look bad because he's 10 years younger than me and has his eye on my office."

"Is his experience and skill on the pitch similar to yours?" Bones sipped her coffee and gazed into my eyes, probably my soul too, over the rim of her cup.

"Court, Bones. Basketball is played on a court." She put her cup down and nodded at this correction. "He's played recreational, not at the same team level I did in high school. But he still plays, I don't."

"You feel your skills may have atrophied as you pursued other, more preferable, sports like hockey to aid in maintaining your physical fitness?"

Connie came back and we placed our orders while I translated her squint speak into American. "Am I a little rusty? Yeah, probably, but it's the only sport we have in common that can be played, y'know, mano et mano."

"I see." Bones had that look on her face, like she was solving twelve problems at once. To be fair, she probably was. "I'm unsure as to how I can help you with this decision."

That wasn't the issue, I'd already pretty much decided I was gonna wipe the floor with the little shit … even if it made me beg Bones to realign my back again right after the game. "I was hoping you'd come and support me … y'know cheer my name and shout at me to keep going."

"Oh! Yes, I can do that! Balls deep!"

I choked and spat my coffee all over the table in front of us. "Bones! That's not … where did you hear that phrase?"

She frowned, that damn adorable little 'v' between her perfect brows. "I heard one of Sully's teammates say it to him after a match once … is it not a basketball term?"

"No, no it is not." I wiped at my mouth with my napkin and tried to clean up the table. "It's nothing to do with basketball at all!"

"Then why would Sully's friend say that to him?"

Shit. How do I explain this to her without her thinking that guys are total dogs? "Well, it's a … sex thing. Like a kind of boast about, y'know, when they're … inside a woman."

Please drop it, please drop it, please drop it. I know I'm wincing, waiting for her reply to that. I can see that look on her face, that look that says 'Oh, here's something that will make Booth really uncomfortable' without her realising that it isn't talking about sex that makes me uncomfortable … it's talking about sex with HER and not actually having a sexual relationship with her.

"I don't see how that could be boastful." She sniffs lightly and shakes out her own napkin. "If, and I'm merely hypothesizing this, it refers to the male's testicles being pressed against the female's central gluteus maximus - surely that infers average or below penis size."

I know my face shows how shocked I am with that explanation, it's kind of wrong but … damn, she has a point! "It's more about the act itself rather than the positioning."

"Ah! Yes, that would be more rational as an ego boost, especially as his friend said it immediately after looking at me … but Sully wasn't able to achieve that particular depth with me often, he was very well endowed and had to ensure I was very aroused or it was painful."

Aaaaand … there goes the coffee, again. I should really stop attempting to eat or drink when she's on this kind of roll with her super big brain and zero-modesty mouth. Connie is now helping me clean up while simultaneously looking at Bones in disbelief and moving our plates around. Meanwhile I'm wondering if Sully had a lot of issues 'ensuring she was very aroused' with the woman across the table from me.

"TMI, Bones, TMI!"

"Are you able to manage that?" I can see that sneaky little smirk on her lips. In addition to being a scientific genius, bestselling author and kickass partner with a face and body you'd crawl over broken glass to breathe near, she's also one hundred percent minx that seems to live for making me want the ground to swallow me whole.

Time to fight fire with fire, You make me uncomfortable, I'll make you uncomfortable.

"Arousing a woman? Never had a single issue like that in my bed … or wall or table or … well, you get the picture."

"No! That's not … " Oh she got the picture, by the way her eyes were darting between my mouth, arms and hands she got a thousand pictures.

"Do your … sexual partners often struggle to arouse you?" Keep the heat on her, don't let her turn this against you.

"I was talking about your testicles, Booth!"

Her voice was a little louder than she may have intended, and a lot louder than I ever wanted. Silence descended over the entire diner, somewhere a piece of silverware clattered against a plate. Then her head dipped so her hair would cover her face and hide that blush of embarrassment on her lovely face. Throats were cleared, conversation started up again. She ate in silence and after I'd drained my coffee cup and finished my burger I actually felt really bad for her.

"Bones?" She looked up at me, her annoyance at having such attention brought to her very clear. "You've seen me naked, what do you think?"

"I think this conversation veered dangerously towards that line you say we should never cross. I apologize, Booth, I was attempting to goad you into a conversation about your private business and caused, what could be definitely referred to as, a scene."

Her voice was soft and regretful and it made my heart ache. I put cash on top of the bill that Connie brought over and gestured to the door, walking out with her in exactly the same manner as we arrived so she would know that this little chit chat hadn't changed a damn thing. In the SUV I tapped her knee once with my index finger to get her attention.

"You didn't answer my question, Bones. I asked you what you thought." The line, in my mind, had been obliterated many moons ago. Sometime between Epps poisoning Cam and that idiotic barrier being put in place, seeing her frantically pressing on a bloody wound and begging me to hold on and sharing a tiny bed in a circus trailer … I fell head over heels in love with her.

"What I thought about what? Oh! Your penis?" I could feel my ears turning a vivid shade of puce as I nodded, my throat too tight and my mouth too dry to make sounds. "It would be difficult to make an accurate appraisal considering you were in a flaccid state when I saw you naked and, in fairness, I wasn't focusing on that area of your anatomy … I was more drawn to your gunshot wound than anything else."

I relaxed in my seat, glad that a full scale report wouldn't be issued but a little disappointed at the same time.

"You didn't answer my question either, and I asked first so …" That damn eyebrow was raised in challenge again. I started the truck and sighed.

"There have been times where I haven't … fit … completely, even after letting the ladies … Y'know … finish before uh taking my turn, I have to be really careful especially if she's kinda petite or dainty."

The puce from my ears had spread over my entire head and neck, I was sure of it. The trip back to the lab was made in complete silence but whenever I glanced over at her, she was appraising me. I didn't know whether to be blessed or terrified - because sure as bears shit in the woods, Angela would hear about this and I'll have to deal with both of them looking at me like an experiment.

"Booth?" I turned to her as she opened the door to go back to her skeletons "Let me know when the basketball game is happening."

"Sure thing Bones!"

And we're back to normal … well as normal as the two of us get. Someday though … someday.