Author's Note: Hello, everyone. Welcome back. I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Anyway, here's the first animated adaptation. I was honestly surprised that 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit' beat 'The Lion King' and 'The Incredibles' in the voting poll. I suppose it's unique blend of animation and live action makes it stand out. Or perhaps it's absolutely terrifying villain, Judge Doom, who still haunts many a dream. Either way, a very good choice by the people and I'm honored to write this adaptation at the behest of my dedicated readers.
Inspiration: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit story for entertainment purposes only. "RWBY" is the property of director and animator Monty Oum (RIP) and production company Rooster Teeth, and "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" is the property of director Robert Zemeckis and production companies Touchstone Pictures, Amblin Entertainment, and Silver Screen Partners and distributed by Buena Vista Pictures.
It was a cold, late afternoon outside of the Argus movie theater. Team RWBY and Team ORNJ, accompanied by Qrow Branwen, Maria Calavera, Saphron Cotta-Arc, her wife Terra, and their toddler son, Adrien all walked single file inside.
It had been the same day after everyone had settled into the Cotta-Arc residence when Team's RWBY and ORNJ unexpectantly received mysterious letters in the house's mailbox. They were overjoyed when they realized they were marked 'Mystery Movie'. It had been over a year since they'd last seen one of Gold-Sith's multiverse viewings and were eager to watch another now that they had some downtime. However, the newcomers, unfamiliar with Gold-Sith or his movies, were dubious of the claims.
But regardless, everyone decided some entertainment was in order. Especially after their victory at Haven and obtaining the Relic of Knowledge.
"I can't believe we're going to see Gold-Sith's viewings again," Ruby said jubilantly with an excited smile.
"I know! It's been so long!" Nora agreed as she bounced on the soles of her feet.
"After all that's happened, we can definitely use some entertainment," Weiss said, admitting she missed Gold-Sith's viewings.
"I never thought we'd get together for this sort of thing again," Jaune said in a solemn voice, remembering past viewings alongside Pyrrha.
Maria huffed with uncertainty. "I've seen a many strange things in my time, but an interdimensional being displaying this so-called multiverse is pushing it," she said.
"Oh, it's true. And believe us, you're gonna love it," Qrow assured, eager to help himself to any free liquor in the theater.
"I'll believe it when I see it," Terra said as she held Adrien in her arms.
"I have a feeling you'll enjoy them, Oscar," Professor Ozpin said internally to his new host, the latter nodding with a smile.
Although Ozpin had receded into Oscar's mind, he could still communicate with the latter.
The group turned and strolled down a theater hallway, passing other moviegoers as they went, until they came across a single red door at the far end. As per Gold-Sith's words, only those he invited could enter. That way, no unwanted visitors would disturb them.
The group entered and, much to their surprise, there were already people inside the theater. And all of them were familiar faces.
Somehow, Glynda Goodwitch, Ghira and Kali Belladonna, Winter Schnee, and Taiyang Xiao Long were present. They were chatting amongst themselves and enjoying some of the snacks and beverages Gold-Sith had provided, indicating the host had already introduced himself and explained the situation. They turned to the newly arrived group and smiled.
"Dad?" Ruby and Yang said in surprise.
"Hey girls," Taiyang said with a smile as he walked over to hug his daughters.
Blake's eyes widened. "Mom? Dad?" she said.
Indeed, Ghira and Kali Belladonna were both present. They smiled affectionately at their daughter.
Kali approached Blake and hugged her. "Blake. I heard what happened at Haven. I'm so glad you're all right," she said with relief.
Yang blinked in surprise. "They're your parents?" she asked.
Ghira stepped forward. "Yes. You must be Yang. Blake and your father told us a lot about you," he said as he offered his hand to Yang, who smiled and shook it.
Weiss and Ruby likewise introduced themselves to Blake's parents and to Taiyang.
Qrow said as shook his brother in law's hand.
A familiar barking sound interrupted the moment. Ruby and Weiss looked over and gasped with delight as a familiar corgi ran to them from the back of the theater.
"Zwei!" the two girls squealed as they knelt and showered the dog with affection, who in turn wagged his tail.
Adrian reached for Zwei with his little hands. "Doggy!" he said happily.
Terra smiled and knelt down, allowing the Corgi to sniff and lick her giggling son's face. This prompted coos of adoration from the rest of the audience. Except for the Belladonna family, who were cautiously kept their distance from the canine.
"It's good to see you again, sister," Weiss said as she embraced Winter.
"Likewise, Weiss," Winter replied before her smile faded. "I heard what Jacques did to you in Atlas."
Weiss looked down with sorrow while Winter mentally swore to make Jacques pay if she ever saw him again.
"I'm surprised to see you here, Ms. Goodwitch," Nora said, not expecting the former Beacon professor to be present.
"Last I heard, you were trying to restore Beacon to its former glory," Taiyang added.
"Indeed, Mr. Xiao Long. I can only spare time for this viewing. I still have much work to do in Vale," Glynda replied before smiling pleasantly. "Though it's a pleasure to see you all again."
There were many handshakes and greetings among the audience members, and past events explained to those out of the loop. Idle chatter and laughter filled the theater. Once all that was finished, the big question was addressed.
"By the way, how did you all get here from all across Remnant?" Ren asked, knowing it would be a hassle if conventional means of travel had been used.
"Well, apparently, Gold-Sith's powers have improved quite a bit since the last viewing in Vale last year," Winter revealed while sipping a glass of water.
"He spoke to us after we teleported here," Kali added, prompting the newcomers to widen their eyes.
Oscar blinked. "Teleported? How?" he asked in astonishment.
"We all received letters labelled 'Mystery Movie'. Inside were invitations with instructions to speak certain phrases five times in a mirror while holding the tickets with both hands," Glynda explained.
"Wow," Weiss whispered with intrigue.
"That's awesome!" Nora and Ruby both chirped.
"Speaking of which, where is this... Gold-Sith?" Maria asked, still not entirely convinced of the being's existence.
Ruby peered up at the screen. "Gold-Sith are you there?" she called up.
There was a short pause before the projector screen re-activated. A familiar shimmering gold-orange image appeared onscreen. Gold-Sith looked at his past audience members and gave a hospitable smile. Everyone familiar with the host smiled back while the newcomers were taken aback and gaped in awe.
"Hello, everyone, and welcome back. It's been a long time," he said warmly.
Yang smiled at the screen. "I'll say. We've missed you a lot," Yang said.
"So, you're Gold-Sith," Saphron said slowly before smiling. "Jaune and his friends told us a lot about you."
"So, he does exist," Terra said softly while Adrien stared in curiosity, unsure what to make of Gold-Sith.
Maria, Oscar, Ghira, and Kali just looked on wonderment at the shimmering yellow being on the projector screen.
"We're just as surprised as you are," Taiyang said to Terra, prompting Kali and Ghira to nod.
"We weren't even sure we'd ever see you again," Jaune said.
"I had a similar feeling, Mr. Arc. After the Fall of Beacon, I knew it would be a while if I ever displayed another viewing."
"Well, we've been very busy with fighting Salem and her cronies," Ruby explained.
"But we never forgot about you. Now we have some spare time to enjoy your flicks again," Qrow said as he filled his flask from a bottle sitting on the table.
Winter rolled her eyes. "Or just enjoy the free liquor," she said.
"By the way... I caught word of what happened to Ms. Nikos and Ms. Polendina at Beacon. You have my condolences."
"It's all right," Ruby said simply, trying to fight the knot of grief in her heart.
Qrow cleared his throat, deciding to change the subject. "So, where's Jimmy?" he asked Winter.
"He sends his apologies," Winter answered. "He is far too preoccupied with military matters in Atlas."
"Peter and Bart also had to decline," Glynda added, having spoken to them shortly before departing for the theater.
"I see. I tried sending invitations to Mr. Wukong and Mr. Vasilias, but it seems they had to decline as well. Anyway, I'm sure you're all excited for this viewing. It'll be a change of pace from the past three viewings. It's a partially animated film."
"What do you mean partially?" Kali asked.
"You'll see, what I mean, Ms. Belladonna. Please sit back and enjoy."
Everyone collected their favorite snacks and beverages from the tables on the far side of the room and took their seats. Teams RWBY and ORNJ sat close in the first row while the adults occupied the seats behind them in the second and third rows. Adrian sat in Terra's lap while Zwei sat in Taiyang's.
The overhead lights dimmed, and the film commenced.
Soft Jazz music played as the bright red words "Who Framed Ozpin Rabbit?" appeared against a black background.
Ruby tilted her head. "Ozpin Rabbit?" she said slowly.
"What does that mean?" Oscar wondered aloud.
"Perhaps I'm a Faunus in this universe," Ozpin guessed incorrectly, only Oscar able to hear him.
Wacky cartoon music played as two hand-drawn icons zoomed in from a bright yellow and orange background. One was a red headed baby wearing a bowler hat and the other was a white furred rabbit with a tuft of silver hair, brown eyes, small black spectacles, and a blue neck bow tie with polka dots.
Everyone gaped at the unexpected scene. It was completely different from the past viewings.
"Is that... Ozpin as a cartoon rabbit?" Glynda asked slowly, scarcely believing her eyes.
"And Roman as a baby?" Weiss added incredulously.
"That's... weird," Yang said awkwardly.
Internally, Ozpin's eyebrow twitched as his goofy looking onscreen counterpart while many audience members cracked up at the scene
"Bunny!" Adrien babbled as he sat on Terra's lap, giggling with delight to be watching a cartoon.
"Jacque Schnee presents a Schnee Cartoon in color."
Next, Baby Roman was shown holding a worried looking Ozpin over a hot stove in a frying pan.
"Baby Roman and Ozpin Rabbit in: 'Somethin's Cookin'"
"Directed by Bartholemew Oobleck"
"Hang on...my father is a cartoonist?" Weiss asked in surprise.
"And Dr. Oobleck is a director? Since when do cartoons have directors," Glynda said, equally surprised.
"Just keep watching and you'll see," Gold-Sith answered.
Fade into Baby Roman babbling in a playpen. A woman in a blue dress only visible from shin level patted Roman's head.
"Awwwww!" several female audience members cooed at Baby Roman, even if he was a scumbag in their own universe.
"I never thought I'd say this, but Roman is a cute baby," Nora said reluctantly.
"Look at that animation. It's so smooth and lively," Kali said in admiration.
"And the coloring is so bright and vibrant. Marvelous work!" Maria added with a wide-eyed nod of approval.
"Mommy's going to the beauty parlor darling," Ms. Torchwick said. "But I'm leaving you with your favorite friend Ozpin."
Ozpin was resting his head on a pillow nearby. He sat up from as Mother Torchwick approached him.
Yang snorted at Ozpin Rabbits outfit. "Are those overalls he's wearing?" she asked.
"He looks so silly," Ruby added with a giggle.
Oscar couldn't help snickering, much to Ozpins internal annoyance.
"He's going to take very, very good care of you," Mother Torchwick jabbed her finger into Ozpin's nose as her voice turned threatening. "Because if he doesn't...he's going back to the science lab!"
Everyone looked disturbed by Mother Torchwick's threat.
"Well, that's ominous," Jaune said uneasily.
"Did she mean Ozpin would be a test subject at a laboratory?" Kali asked with horror.
"I think so, honey," Ghira confirmed, glaring at the screen.
"Thankfully Velvet isn't here," Blake said as she sipped a soda.
"Pl-pl-pl-lease!" Ozpin sputtered in a goofy voice. "Don't worry. Whatever you say! Yes, ma'am. Aye aye, sir. Okey dokey."
Mother Torchwick ignored Ozpin as she headed out, shutting the door behind her.
"Why, I'll take care of him like he was my own brother. Or my own sister- Ow!" Ozpin assured before bumping his head into the closed door.
Ruby, Yang, Taiyang, and Jaune all laughed at Ozpin bonking his head on the door while everyone else grinned.
"This version of Ozpin is nothing like the real one," Glynda observed, surprised and amused by Ozpin Rabbit's kooky behavior.
"Indeed. In fact, I'd say he's the exact opposite," Ozpin said internally.
"Or my brother's sister. Or my second cousin who was twice removed," Ozpin driveled as he counted on his fingers.
Meanwhile, Roman eyed something offscreen. "Cookie!" he babbled.
"I know what's going to happen," Qrow said with a chuckle. "He's going to escape from his playpen and put Ozpin through all kinds of hell."
"You're right, Uncle Qrow. Any cartoon character in charge of babysitting is in for a world of hurt," Yang said, remembering similar cartoons from childhood.
"And we're in for a lot of laughs," Nora said excitedly.
"Or the ninth cousin who is nine times removed from his place offside," Ozpin continued, looping his arms across one another.
Roman squeezed through the bars of his playpen and propelled himself into the kitchen.
"You used to escape your playpen like that when you were little, Jauney," Saphron giggled as she pinched Jaune's cheek.
"Siiiiis," Jaune whined in embarrassment, pushing Saphron's hand away.
"You girls did the same thing when you were little," Taiyang chuckled as he glanced at his daughters, who both huffed and crossed their arms.
"…who was sixteen times removed from my mother's side. Or a 32nd cousin who was 37..." Ozpin continued, oblivious to Roman's escape.
"He's already messing up," Oscar sighed.
"Why would Ms. Torchwick even hire him as a babysitter?" Weiss asked with disapproval.
"I think that's the joke," Maria pointed out.
Baby Roman landed in front of the fridge and pointed up.
"Cookie!" he said, referring to a cookie jar sitting high atop the fridge.
Adrien smiled and reached over to Ruby, who was coincidentally eating some chocolate chip cookies.
"Cookie?" Adrien requested cutely.
Ruby smiled back at Adrien and handed him one, which he happily ate.
Ozpin was still droning on as he twisted his entire body to count his cousins. "Or like my 17th cousin who was 156 times removed, from any side!" he said as he unwound his twisted body.
There was a crashing sound offscreen. Ozpin finally glanced over and noticed Baby Roman had slipped out of his playpen. He spotted the baby climbing up towards the counter via some open drawers, knocking one over with a crash.
Ozpin's eyes bugged out with a cartoonish "Awoooga!" sound as he recoiled with a panicked scream.
Everyone laughed or smiled at the stereotypical cartoon gesture.
"This takes me back to my own childhood cartoons," Maria said wistfully from watching the "oldies" as a child.
Baby Roman crawled across the oven, turning on the burners with his feet as he moved along, narrowly avoiding them.
"I'll save you, baby!" Ozpin shouted as he ran in place, rolling up the carpet until he zipped off.
"Cookie!" Roman said as he knocked a rolling pin onto the floor.
"Don't burn yourself, baby Roman!" Ozpin babbled as he rushed in.
Unfortunately, Ozpin slipped on the rolling pin and began rolling around the kitchen.
"Uh-Oh. Here we go," Ruby said with a grin.
"He's about to have a very nasty day," Nora predicted.
"Wub wub wub wub wub! Woooooaaah!" Ozpin screamed as he tried to grab Roman from the countertop.
Ozpin rolled past Baby Roman as the latter knocked over a teapot, which lodged itself onto Ozpin's head.
"Who turned out the lights?" Ozpin said. "Boy, it's dark in here. Don't they pay the electricity?"
Baby Roman obliviously opened the oven labeled 'Hotternell" with his foot, which the blind Ozpin rolled into.
Ghira chuckled. "Hotter than hell," he said, noticing the stove's label.
"Bad news for Ozpin," Kali said worriedly as she sipped a wine glass.
Baby Roman then accidentally turned the temperature knob up to "Volcano Heat".
Ghira laughed. "Yep. Definitely bad news," he agreed with his wife.
"Volcano heat? Why would an oven have that kind of setting?" Ren wondered aloud.
Nora shrugged. "Comic effect," she guessed.
"I'll find ya, baby. Where are ya?" Ozpin said, his voice muffled from inside the oven.
Roman began crawling across some plates floating in the sink. "Cookie!" he cooed.
Roman's face slipped under the water, but he lifted himself up and accidentally turned on the tap and water started overflowing from the sink onto the floor. A bar of soap also fell down to the floor.
Saphron giggled. "This reminds me of when little Adrien gets loose in the kitchen," she reminisced.
"Yeah, but it wasn't as bad as this," Terra added as she bounced a giggling Adrien in her lap.
Meanwhile, smoke began to rise from the oven. The sign turned to "Well Done" with a ding, and Ozpin burst out screaming and running laps around the kitchen with his rear end on fire, trailing black smoke behind him.
Everyone, sans Ozpin, laughed uproariously. Adrien in particular was giggling intensely.
"This is just like those old-fashioned slapstick cartoons Ruby and I used to watch as kids," Yang said happily.
"Me too. They always have reruns of the classics," Jaune added as he munched on some popcorn.
Ozpin just sighed in embarrassment for his counterpart.
Baby Roman stood precariously atop a box of "Port Rat Poison", reaching his little hands towards the cookie jar.
"Port Rat Poison?" Jaune said, noticing the label on the box.
"As in Peter Port?" Weiss wondered aloud.
"Perhaps he owns a company in this universe," Glynda assumed.
Below, Ozpin slipped on the bar of soap, flinging him into the air. The bar of soap ricocheted off a latch to an ironing board built into the wall, then ricocheted again, and hit Baby Roman, launching him upwards onto the clock's pendulum.
"This whole cartoon is like a symphony of pain for Ozpin," Winter commented as she sipped a soda.
"Yeah. Poor guy," Oscar said sympathetically despite Ozpin
Meanwhile, Ozpin landed on the bar of soap, slid across the kitchen floor, and ended up with his fingers jammed into a pair of outlets, and was electrocuted.
"Well, that's quite shocking," Yang joked, eliciting groans for her terrible pun.
"Blake told me about your terrible puns. She wasn't kidding," Kali said flatly.
Yang pouted at Blake with a glare, who simply smirked at her partner.
Convulsing in an attempt to escape, Ozpin headbutted the wall with the teapot. This created cracks in the wall that dislodged an overhanging shelf full of pots and pans, sending them all falling onto him.
The last object to fall was a bottle of chili sauce, which fell right into the spout of the teapot, and consequently, into Ozpin's mouth.
"One thing just leads to another," Blake said.
"That's how these old timey cartoons are," Maria said, having plenty of childhood experience.
Above Ozpin, Baby Roman swung back and forth on the clock's pendulum, reaching for the cookie jar. "Cookie," he said again.
Ozpin, his body now steaming from unwittingly consuming the hot sauce, rocketed across the kitchen with his head on fire, and wound up with the extended ironing board in his mouth which then folded back into the wall with him inside.
"Remind me to never babysit for Adrien," Jaune said cautiously, causing Saphron and Terra to giggle.
"You'll be the first one we call," Saphron teased, causing Jaune to sigh.
Baby Roman swung from the clock's pendulum and hung from a shelf directly over a box full of knives and other sharp kitchen utensils with their blades facing upwards.
Everyone looked worried, even if it was Roman, he was still just a baby. Saphron and Terra in particular both gasped sharply, their eyes widening.
"Oh my goodness!" Kali said worriedly as she put her hands to her mouth.
"Cookie," Roman babbled, oblivious to the danger below him.
The shelf then collapsed under Baby Roman's weight. He narrowly avoided the knives as the shelf collapsed, releasing a jar of pickles that flung the box of knives through the air towards the ironing board.
Saphron, Terra, and Kali sighed with relief that Baby Roman avoided harm.
"I didn't think they'd show that in a cartoon," Ghira assured the worried women.
Baby Roman landed on a plunger suctioned onto the counter, which then catapulted the baby on top of a stack of bread slices next to the cookie jar atop the fridge. The plunger dislodged from the counter, flew through the air and landed inside a toaster which then tipped over.
Ozpin emerged from the folded ironing board. "I'm here Ba-" he began before his eyes bulged out in alarm at the knives flying directly towards him.
"Uh-oh!" Ruby said.
"Look out!" Terra cried out.
"He can't hear you, honey," Saphron informed her wife.
Adrian got worried and covered his eyes, not wanting to see Ozpin rabbit be impaled by knives.
They narrowly missed him as they embedded themselves in the wall around him.
Adrian took his hands away from his face and exhaled in relief.
The toaster then fired the plunger at Ozpin, which stuck to his face.
Sitting atop the bread stack, Baby Roman struggled to reach into the cookie jar, kicking off one slice after another.
Ozpin struggled to pull off the plunger and ended up launching himself off the ironing board and went flying across the kitchen. He finally pried it off in midair.
He looked directly into the camera in momentary relief but then looked ahead and screamed "Wha-a-a-a!"
Ozpin crashed face first into a vacuum labelled "Suc-o-matic" which then activated and began to inflate him like a balloon.
Taiyang laughed. "Well, that sucks and blows," he said jokingly.
Everyone groaned at the terrible pun except for Yang, who smiled and gave her father a high five.
Weiss facepalmed. "Oh Monty, now there's two of them," she groaned in frustration.
Atop the fridge, Baby Roman finally reached into the cookie jar and pulled one out. "Cookie," he said in triumph.
Ozpin finally freed himself from the vacuum cleaner, which propelled him wildly around the kitchen like a deflating balloon. He flew through a stack of dishes. The camera zoomed in on Ozpin's face as he babbled like a loon before finally crashing into the bottom of the fridge, lodging his head underneath.
Another round of loud laughter echoed through the theater. Adrien in particular, was in hysterics, especially from the closeup of Ozpin's face.
"This is so humiliating..." Ozpin groaned.
"Just bear with it," Oscar whispered in between laughs.
In his struggle to free himself, Ozpin shook the fridge, causing Baby Roman to lose his balance and fall with his cookie in hand.
Luckily, Baby Roman landed safely on top of Ozpin with a squeak.
"Cookie. Ah!" Roman said happily.
"I never thought I'd say this, but thank Oum Roman is safe," Ruby said.
"You're right sis. Here, he's only a baby after all," Yang added.
Ozpin lifted the fridge of his head and looked overjoyed to see that Baby Roman was unharmed and held him in his hands.
Then, with horror, Ozpin realized there was an unsupported fridge above his head, which then squashed him with a loud crash.
"Oooh!" the entire audience winced at the screen.
"Even if Roman is unharmed, his mama's gonna be pissed at the mess in her kitchen," Qrow pointed out.
"She might send him back to the science lab anyway," Maria said with a frown.
"How delightful," Ozpin said sarcastically.
The fridge door opened to reveal a dazed Ozpin with a ring of birds flying and tweeting around his head.
"Cut!" an angry voice shouted from offscreen.
"Alright. That's the shot," another voice said.
Several audience members blinked in puzzlement at the unexpected turn of events.
"Hmm?" Oscar said, cocking his brow.
"Who said that? What's going on?" Taiyang questioned.
"That voice sounds familiar," Glynda said in recognition.
Director Bartholemew Oobleck stepped into frame. Unlike Ozpin and Roman, he had the normal 3D, computer generated, animation of RWBY characters. The scenery behind them also shifted to 3D animation.
"Cut, cut, cut, cut, CUT!" Oobleck shouted repeatedly as he threw the script onto the floor.
Roman stood up with a surly expression. "What the hell was wrong with that take?!" he asked furiously in his adult voice.
Everyone recoiled at Roman's unexpected outburst and how Oobleck was animated differently than Ozpin and Roman. It took a few seconds for everything to sink in.
"Di-did the baby just... talk?!" Terra began in bewilderment.
"In Roman's adult voice?" Ruby said with equal surprise.
"Well-," Weiss began before her eyes widened in realization. "Wait a second...why isn't Dr. Oobleck animated like a cartoon?!"
"Nothing with you Baby Roman. You were great. You were perfect. You were better than perfect, Oobleck said in praise. "It's Ozpin. He keeps blowing his lines!"
Glynda scratched her chin. "Hmmm. It seems in this universe cartoons exist as actual beings alongside humans," she deducted with fascination.
"And the latter perform the same way as live actors. That's what Gold-Sith meant earlier," Kali added as she connected the dots.
"Wow," Jaune whispered, amazed by such an interesting setting.
"That's so cool!" Ruby and Nora squealed with their hands to their cheeks.
"Strange, but interesting concept," Weiss admitted with a nod.
"But what line is Oobleck talking about? It looks like he did a good job to me," Qrow said in defense of Ozpin.
Oobleck grabbed one of the birds flying around Ozpin's head. "Ozpin…what's this?"
"A tweeting bird?" Ozpin answered sheepishly.
"A tweeting bird?!" Oobleck mocked as he threw the bird onto the floor.
"Meanie!" Ruby hissed at Oobleck's abuse of the little bird.
"Ozpin read the script. Look what it says," Oobleck said irritably, holding up the script for Ozpin. "It says "Rabbit takes clunk. Rabbit sees stars." Not birds, stars!"
"That's what he's peeved about?" Yang said in outrage.
"Yeah. Who cares what he sees?" Nora added with a pout. "That was a great performance!"
Ren nodded. "Personally, I think the birds are funnier than stars," he gave his opinion.
The background music for the scene kept playing.
"Can we lose the playback, please?" Oobleck shouted irritably to someone offscreen.
"Cut the playback!" a staff member ordered, and the background music stopped with a record scratch.
"Ozpin, you're killing me! Killing me," Oobleck said in exasperation as he walked off set.
Roman began to stomp off. "For crying out loud, Ozpin! Like how the hell many times do we have to do this damn scene?!" he shouted.
A zoom out revealed the set was built inside a movie studio with cameras, lights, and other film equipment. Bart sat in his director's chair drinking a glass of water.
"Is anyone else disturbed to hear a baby swearing?" Saphron asked as she glanced around the theater.
"I certainly am," Terra said as she covered Adrien's ears.
"Bart! I'll be in my trailer! Taking a nap!" Roman declared as he ran beneath a woman's legs.
"Whoa!" the woman cried.
"'Scuse me toots," Roman apologized.
"Ugh!" Saphron and Terra said in disgust, thinking Roman just wanted to sneak a peak beneath the woman's dress.
"Little pervert," Winter snarled, sharing Saphron and Terra's sentiments.
"I take it back, he's not so cute," Nora rescinded her previous statement.
Ozpin gently collected the blue birds and stuffed them into his overalls.
Oobleck stood up, clutching his stomach. "My stomach can't take this," he complained as he walked back onto the set. "This set is a mess! Clean this set up! And get him out of there! Or seal him up in it! Loose the lights! And say lunch!"
"Lunch!" a staff member announced.
"That's lunch. We're on a half," Oobleck said as he grabbed his jacket from his chair and a bell rang, signaling a lunch break.
"It looks like Ozpin hasn't been performing too well for this skit," Qrow noted.
"Or Oobleck is just being a perfectionist. It was just one minor part he messed up," Glynda said in defense of Ozpin.
"That's show business for you. Whatever the higher ups say goes, whether the actors like it or not," Taiyang said as he sipped a soda.
Ozpin climbed out of the refrigerator and followed Oobleck off the set.
"Pl-pl-pl-lease, Bart! I can give you stars!" he begged. "Just drop the refrigerator on my head one more time."
"Ozpin! I've dropped that on your head 23 times already!" Oobleck informed angrily.
"23 times?!" Weiss exclaimed in shock.
"Jeez! Doing his job is tough," Ghira said.
"Luckily he's a cartoon, or he'd never survive the first drop," Yang pointed out, knowing cartoons in such slapstick settings were pretty much invincible.
"Even so, excessive much? Why not just keep the birds in?" Jaune countered.
Ozpin grabbed Oobleck's jacket. "I can take it though. Don't worry about me," he assured.
"I'm not worried about you, I'm worried about the refrigerator," Oobleck replied, wrenching the jacket from Ozpin's grip.
Oobleck entered his trailer while Ozpin grabbed a frying pan from a passing trolley full of toon implements.
"I can give you stars," Ozpin insisted as he bashed himself over the head repeatedly. "Look. Look! Loooook!"
Ozpin instead gave more birds, cuckoo clocks, church bells, and other objects as he followed Oobleck inside the trailer.
"Awww. Poor guy," Terra said softly in sympathy.
"Cartoon or not, being an actor is grating work," Maria said, having seen a fair number of them suffer from the stresses of show business in her time.
Standing nearby observing the whole scene was Qrow Branwen dressed in a suit, overcoat, and fedora.
"Tch! Toons," Qrow scoffed as he took a swig from a flask before putting it in a holster under his coat.
Ruby smiled at the screen. "Look, Uncle Qrow. You're there again," she pointed out.
"You look pretty good in that old-timey getup," Taiyang complimented his brother-in-law.
"I see he's still a drinker, though," Glynda said.
Qrow just shrugged and took a swig from his flask as his counterpart did.
Elsewhere in the studio, a large set of double doors opened into a lavish office, revealing Qrow and Lisa Lavender, Jacque's secretary. Jacques Schnee himself was observing an editor as he played a piece of a film through a projector. Cartoon music and sound effects played in a speaker.
"Mr. Schnee. Mr. Branwen is here to-" Lisa began before Jacques held his hand up to silence her.
"He'll be right with you," Lisa sighed before leaving.
Weiss fumed and clenched the arm rests of her seat at the sight of her father. Winter likewise burned holes into the screen.
"What a surprise. He's playing a company guy instead of a cartoonist," Yang said sarcastically.
Qrow approached a nearby table with a figure and a picture of Jacques and Ozpin together at an award ceremony.
A white caption reading "Hollywood, Vale" appeared onscreen.
"Hollywood? What's that, Gold-Sith?" Terra asked.
"Basically, it's the heart of film and entertainment in Vale. Humans and toons from all across the continent work there," Gold-Sith replied.
"I'd love to work at a place like that. The fun would never end," Nora said with a wide smile.
"No, no, no!" Jacques shouted at the editor. "Wait until he gets to his feet, then hit him with the boulder."
"Right on it," the editor replied obediently.
The editor returned to his workroom while Schnee turned to face Qrow.
"How much do you know about show business Mr. Branwen?" he asked.
"Only there's no business like it. No business I know," Qrow replied.
"It looks you're a detective in this universe," Ren identified Qrows role.
"Probably not a good one, seeing as he drinks on the job," Winter criticized.
"Just like he does as a huntsman," Glynda added while Qrow simply huffed at the women's comments.
"Yeah, and there's no business more expensive," Jacques said angrily as he approached Qrow. "I'm 25,000 lien over budget on the latest Baby Roman cartoon. You saw the rabbit blowing his lines. He can't keep his mind on his work. You know why?"
"One too many refrigerators dropped on his head?" Qrow guessed.
There was a round of laughter from the audience at Qrow's line.
"Nice one, Qrow," Taiyang complimented his brother-in-law while Zwei woofed in agreement.
"Nah! He's a toon. You can drop anything you want on his head. He'll shake it off," Jacques assured with a wave. "But break his heart, he goes to pieces just like you or me."
"Exactly. Cartoons can't be killed or injured in my experience," Maria said.
"At least not physically, as Jacques said," Oscar reminded.
"But then who broke his heart?" Blake questioned.
Jacques held up a folded newspaper. "Read that," he instructed as he handed it to Qrow.
Qrow unfolded the paper. "'Seen cooing over Calamari with not so new sugar-daddy was Glynda Rabbit, wife of Schnee cartoon star Ozpin Rabbit.'" he read aloud.
Glynda gasped and stared wide eyed at the screen.
"Glynda and Ozpin are married?!" Ruby cried in surprise and delight.
"Awww, that's actually kind of sweet," Yang said in adoration.
Ozpin was also taken aback by the revelation that he and Glynda were married in this universe.
Qrow could only snicker at the idea of Glynda being a goofy toon rabbit like Ozpin. Glynda glared at Qrow before pinching the bridge of her nose with a groan.
"What's this gotta do with me?" Qrow asked.
"You're the private detective, you figure it out," Jacques said curtly.
Qrow handed the newspaper back to Jacques. "Look, I don't have time for this," he said dismissively.
Unrelenting, Jacques grabbed Qrow by the arm. "Look Branwen! His wife's poison but he thinks she's an angel. I want you to follow her. Get me a couple of nice juicy pictures I can wise the rabbit up with."
"Going behind your husband's back, Glynda? Shame on you," Qrow mock scolded.
Glynda blushed with a scowl. "Quiet you!" she growled.
Qrow shuddered slightly. "Forget it. I don't work in Toontown," he said as he tried to leave.
Jacques held Qrow back. "What's wrong with Toontown?" he asked. "Every Joe loves Toontown."
"Well, get Joe to do the job, 'cause I ain't going," Qrow refused as he tried to leave again.
"Toon Town? I'm assuming that's where toons live?" Ren guessed.
"That's correct," Gold-Sith confirmed.
"But why does Qrow dislike Toon Town?" Taiyang asked while Zwei tilted his head inquisitively.
"I don't blame him. All that quirkiness wouldn't suit the real me either," Qrow agreed with his counterpart.
"Woah fella!" Jacques said as he spun Qrow around and led him towards his desk. "You don't want to go to Toontown, you don't have to go to Toontown. Nobody said you had to go to Toontown anyway."
"Thank Monty," Qrow said gratefully.
"That's weird. You seemed to enjoy Ozpins show earlier," Winter pointed out with a wry grin.
"There's a difference between watching toons and associating with them," Qrow countered.
Jacques forced Qrow into a chair. "Have a seat, Branwen," he implored. "The rabbit's wife sings at a joint called the 'Ink and Paint Club'. Toon review. Strictly humans only. O.K.?
Jacques sat down at his desk. "So, what do you think Branwen?" he asked.
Qrow was more interested in Jacques nearby tray of drinks.
Glynda sighed. "Can't you at least try to focus on your job," she scolded.
"Maybe I work better when I'm drunk," Qrow guessed with a smirk.
"...Well?" Jacques asked impatiently as he leaned forward.
Qrow got up to and walked over to the drink tray.
"Of course he heads straight for the liquor tray," Winter said with disdain.
"The job's gonna cost you a hundred lien, plus expenses," Qrow answered without looking at Jacques.
Jacques stood up from his seat. "A hundred lien! That's ridiculous!" he protested.
"So's the job!" Qrow retorted with the liquor bottle in hand.
Jacques paused before smiling. "Alright, alright. You've got your hundred lien," he relented.
"He's already 25,000 lien over budget anyway. The cheapskate," Winter sneered.
"You can't be surprised, sister," Weiss said, sipping a cup of lemon tea.
"No, not really," Winter conceded.
"Have a drink, Qrow," Jacque offered
"I don't mind if I do," Qrow replied as he poured himself a drink.
Jacques began writing out a check while Qrow peered out of the office window with a glass of scotch in hand.
"A hundred lien seems pretty low, doesn't it?" Yang questioned Qrows fee.
"Well, judging from the setting, this must be decades in the past," Qrow pointed out, noting the dated look of the scenery.
"Your uncle is right, Ms. Xiao Long. After inflation, a hundred lien back then could be worth up to ten times that amount today," Glynda informed.
Down below in the studio lot, a group of Schnee employees were bickering as they hefted a large wooden crate off a truck.
"Look, I've got it!" one worker shouted.
"Careful, Dave! You're gonna drop it!" the other replied.
"He's gonna drop it," Jaune predicted with a grin.
"I'm not gonna drop it!"
"You're dropping it!"
The workmen did indeed drop the crate, releasing a toon band of musical chairs which begin to play patriotic music.
A few audience members laughed and bobbed their heads to the music.
"Ha! Musical chairs!" Nora laughed, getting the joke.
The workers scrambled to catch the musical chairs as they ran wildly around the lot or simply fled the area.
Qrow glanced at Jacques at work at his desk then back at the spectacle below.
Suddenly, a large pair of toon eyes appeared in the window bearing into Qrow's. The toon let out a high-pitched screech.
"Aaah!" Qrow yelped as he hid under a shelf beneath the window.
"Ahhh!" Jaune, Nora, and Ruby exclaimed as they jumped in their seats.
Zwei yelped and nearly fell out of Taiyangs lap.
"What was that?!" Oscar cried out.
"I hate jump scares!" Yang groused as her heart rate returned to normal.
Jacques rose from his seat. "Kind of jumpy, aren't you, Branwen? It's just Dumbo."
Qrow got up from beneath the shelf while a flying toon hovered outside the window, half-hidden behind the blinds.
Qrow snatched the check from Jacques. "I know who it is," he grumbled.
"I got him on loan from Disney. Him and half the cast of Fantasia," Jacques explained.
"What's Disney?" Ruby asked Gold-Sith.
"It's an animation company. The richest and most powerful on Remnant. It has studios and cartoon stars all across Remnant," Remnant explained.
"So, it's pretty much the SDC of animation?" Weiss assumed.
"Essentially, yes."
Jacques raised the blinds, revealing a flying baby elephant with large flappy ears and wearing a yellow circus hat and collar to match.
"Awww, isn't he cute?" Ruby cooed at the cartoon elephant.
"I wish I had a flying elephant," Nora said, imagining herself riding Dumbo as he flew through the air.
"The best part is they work for peanuts!" Jacques said as he grabbed a handful of peanuts from a jar.
Jacques threw the peanuts out of the window. Dumbo happily sucked them up through his trunk and flew off with a squeal.
"Well, that's convenient. Helps save money," Maria said in agreement.
"Maybe Ozpin works for carrots," Yang said with a giggle.
"Do toons even need money?" Oscar wondered as he scratched his chin.
"Well, I don't work for peanuts," Qrow said as he examined the check. "Where's the other fifty?"
Jacques put an arm around Qrow's shoulder. "Let's call the other fifty a carrot to finish the job," he assured.
"You've been hanging around rabbits too long," Qrow snarked as he left while Jacque shot him a cheeky grin.
"That's just like Jacques to hold back on the balance," Weiss said, not even referring to him as her father anymore.
Outside, Qrow stepped out of the studio passing a haughty toon ostrich and a frog wearing a top hat hopping up the stairs.
Qrow looked to his right where a saxophone player was performing. A group of toon brooms were sweeping up garbage with real brooms, swaying to the performers tune. From a studio door behind them emerged a stork wearing a postman hat and carrying a bag of letters while riding a bike. As he passed Qrow, the storks foot slipped, causing him to lose his balance and crash his bike offscreen, sending letters flying everywhere.
Some audience members laughed or winced at the stork's accident while others were mesmerized by the variety of toons walking around the yard.
As Qrow reached the bottom of the steps a female hippo bumped into him.
"Oh! Excuse me," the hippo apologized before walking off.
Qrow continued through the studio lot, passing a group of cows practicing their lines, which consisted only of 'Moos'.
"I wonder how toons come to life in the first place?" Nora said curiously.
"That's a good question," Ren replied as he ate a bowl of ramen.
"Perhaps humans discovered some kind of special method to bring them to life after drawing them on paper," Ozpin presumed, wondering if magic was somehow involved.
The female hippo sat on a nearby bench next to a worker with her lunch box for her break. Unfortunately, the bench quickly collapsed under her weight, launching the worker into the air. Qrow looked up in bewilderment as a group of short, green skinned demons shoved their way past him.
"I'm not a fat-shamer, but she needs to lose some weight," Qrow said with a chuckle.
"Looks like working around toons can be dangerous," Yang added.
"But still tons of fun, I'll bet," Ruby countered.
Qrow exited the studio and rushed across the road to catch a nearby streetcar. He stopped the balding, squinty eyed, conductor from closing the door and showed him the check Jacques gave him.
"What do I look like? A bank?" the conductor said dismissively.
Qrow frowned as the conductor shut the door. He ducked and waited for the streetcar to pass him and then stowed away onto the back, where a couple of kids were also sitting.
"Why pay with the check? Can't he just use lien?" Blake asked.
"He must have fallen on hard times," Taiyang assumed as he drank a beer.
"He probably spent it all on liquor," Winter muttered under her breath.
Another kid ran after them. "Wait for me!" he hollered.
"Come on! Hurry up!" the boys friends urged.
Qrow reached over and hoisted the kid onto the back of the streetcar.
"Hey Mister. Ain't you got a car?" one of the kids asked while smoking a cigarette.
Terra scoffed. "Are those kids smoking?" she asked.
"There's no way any of them are old enough," Glynda added, shaking her head in disgust.
"That's rather nasty but not unexpected," Maria said, knowing cigarettes were easier to obtain back in the old days.
"Who needs a car in Vale? We've got the best public transportation system on Remnant," Qrow replied.
"Some people say the same thing around Argus," Saphron noted, referencing Argus' streetcar system.
Downtown, a streetcar station with the sign: SANUS ELECTRIC: REMNANT'S BEST PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION SYSTEM" was being replaced by that of "Clover Leaf Industries". Inside, several more street cars were stored.
"It looks like the transit cars are being bought out," Weiss pointed out.
"Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?" Ruby asked her partner.
"It depends," Weiss replied with a shrug.
Qrow hopped off the streetcar just outside his office.
"So long, minster," one of the kids bid farewell.
"Thanks for the cigarettes," Qrow thanked
"Anytime," the kid replied.
A saxophone solo played as Qrow walked to the front steps of his office. He noticed the metal sign "Branwen and Branwen" was tilted and he adjusted it.
Qrow cocked his brow. "Branwen and Branwen? Does he mean...Raven?" he questioned.
Yang's eyes narrow at the screen. "I hope not," she said in a low, angry voice.
Taiyang also leered at the screen with a low growl, making Zwei whine slightly.
A postman approached Qrow with his mail. "Hi Qrow. How's it going?" he greeted.
"O.K. What you got for me?" Qrow asked.
"The usual bills," the postman replied as he handed them to Qrow before leaving.
Qrow threw the bills into a nearby garbage can and jogged across the road to the "Terminal Station Bar". He entered and ascended the staircase.
"Of course, he heads right for a bar. Even when on the job," Winter said, not sounding surprised.
Qrow arrived on the second floor. The bar was about half-full of workers stopping by for a drink after a hard day's work.
"Hey, Harry. You O.K.?" Qrow greeted a man at a pool table.
A passing streetcar shook the bar and made the lights flicker slightly.
"Well, that's annoying," Yang observed.
"Very inconvenient place to build a bar," Ozpin said, prompting Oscar to nod.
"I'd never go there," Qrow said.
Qrow approached a streetcar driver, Dove Bronzewing, passed out at a table. He put his hat, which had fallen off, back on his head and sat down at the bar.
"What's with Dove?" Qrow asked a patron.
The patron was a mute cab driver. He jotted something down on a pad of paper and showed it to him. It read: 'LAID OFF'
"Laid off?" Qrow asked in outrage.
"What's with the notepad?" Nora asked
"He's probably mute," Ren answered.
"Poor guy," Saphron said with pity.
A one-armed soldier approached Qrow. "A new outfit bought the red car," he explained. "Some big company called Clover Leaf."
"No kidding! They bought the red car?"
"Yeah. Put the poor guy on two weeks' notice. Cutbacks they said."
"Reminds me of the SDC buying out smaller dust companies," Winter said, reminded of her father's ruthless business practices.
"I'm sure plenty of workers wound up drowning their sorrows because of him," Weiss said sympathetically.
The soldier and mute walked off while Qrow looked disheartened by the news.
"Oh well, Dove," Qrow said as he picked up a glass of whiskey. "Here's to the pencil pushers. May they all get lead poisoning, huh?"
Before Qrow could drink the whiskey, a woman's hand reached over to cover the glass.
Qrow bristled. "All right? Who has the guts?" he shouted indignantly at someone denying him a drink.
He glanced over as the camera panned to a white-haired woman wearing a brown, polka-dotted blouse, and holding a tray of bagels.
"Tomorrow's Friday Qrow," Winter scolded. "You know what happens here on Friday?"
Winter smirked. "I do," she said before the realization sank in. "Wait... I'm playing a bartender?"
Qrow paused. "Fish special?" he guessed.
"No," she said flatly as she took the drink from Qrow. "My boss checks the books on Friday and if I don't have that money. I gave you back in the till I'm gonna lose my job.
"Don't bust a button Winter, you've only got one left," Qrow quipped as he showed Winter the check with a cheeky smile on his face.
Winter and Weiss both sputtered in disgust and shot Qrow a glare, who just laughed at them.
"Fifty lien!" Winter exclaimed at the check. "Where's the rest?"
Qrow looked hurt. "Well, it's only a snoop job away," he said defensively. "Have you got that camera of yours? Mines in the shop."
"Wouldn't be the pawn shop by any chance, would it?" Winter asked as she walked to the cash register.
"Probably. Along with a few other items," Winter said with a smirk.
A few people laughed at Winter's words while Qrow just waved his hand dismissively at her and took a sip from his flask.
"Look. Come on, Winter," Qrow pleaded. "You need the other fifty, I need the camera."
Winter retrieved her camera next to the register and placed it on the bar in front of Qrow.
"He can't even afford his own camera?" Winter scoffed.
"Lay off, Ice Queen," Qrow muttered as he took a sip of his flask.
"Any film in there?" Qrow questioned.
"Should be. Haven't had that roll developed since our trip to Patch," Winter answered wistfully. "Sure was a long time ago."
Winter removed the bagels from the tray while Qrow's expression turned solemn.
"Yeah, it was a long time ago," Qrow said sadly. "We'll have to do that again sometime."
Weiss blinked. "Wait...they took a trip to Patch together?" she questioned.
"Does that mean-" Winter said before gasping in horror.
"The Ice Queen and I are-" Qrow said, his eyes widening.
As the realization sank in that their counterparts were a couple, Qrow and Winter both groaned and buried their heads in their hands. This prompted a few snickers from the audience.
Winter held down a stack of plates as a streetcar drove past again, shaking the bar.
Winter examined the check. "Paper even good?" she asked.
"Just check the scrawl," Qrow replied, pointing at the check.
"Jacques Schnee? As in Schnee Cartoons?" Winter asked in surprise.
"Really, Winter. Him of all people?" Weiss berated her sister.
"I'd never date a drunken buffoon like him!" Winter shouted defensively.
"Right back at you, frigid harpy, only vice versa," Qrow sneered at Winter.
"Schnee cartoons?" a familiar asked offscreen.
Just then, a grimy looking worker with burnt orange hair approached the bar and set down his lunchbox.
"Oh, look. Our old buddy Cardin is back," Nora said sarcastically as she munched on a slice of pancake.
"Ugh. He looks filthy," Weiss said in disgust at Cardin's disheveled appearance.
"He's probably a construction worker by the looks of him," Ghira pointed out.
"Hey! So, who's your client Mr. Detective to the stars?" Cardin asked as he hung over Qrow's shoulder. "Chilly Willy? Or Screwy Squirrel?"
Qrow's expression darkened while Cardin mimicked a squirrel's chattering and grabbed a hardboiled egg from the bar.
"He certainly seems unpleasant," Terra noted while glaring at Cardin.
"Yeah. He used to pick on me back at Beacon," Jaune admitted while scratching the back of his head.
Saphron narrowed her eyes at the screen. "He's lucky I wasn't there!" she snarled protectively.
"What do you want to drink?" Winter asked Cardin dully.
"I'll take a beer, Winter," Cardin replied as he sat next to Qrow. "So, what happened, huh? Someone kidnap Dinky Doodle?"
Cardin cracked open a boiled egg over the bar while Qrow became progressively angrier.
"He'd better shut up," Qrow growled, getting irritated by Cardin's attitude.
"He's about to blow his top," Oscar said cautiously.
"But what's got him so riled up?" Kali wondered aloud.
"Cut it out Cardin," Winter chided.
But Cardin wouldn't lay off. "Hey. Wait a minute, wait a minute!" he cackled. "I know. You're working for little Bo Peep. She's lost her sheep and your gonna help her find them!"
Qrow finally lost it. In one swift motion, he kicked the bar stool from under Cardin, causing him to fall with his jaw on the edge of the bar while Qrow held him up by his chin.
"Whoa!" several audience members exclaimed.
A few others, such as Jaune and Nora, snickered at the scene.
"You're kinda touchy, aren't you?" Taiyang said tentatively to Qrow.
"I'm sure he has a good reason," Qrow defended his counterpart.
"Get this straight, meatball!" Qrow growled. "I. Don't. Work. For toons!"
Qrow stuffed the boiled egg into Cardin's mouth and stormed out of the bar without looking back. Winter gazed at Qrow's departure while Cardin stood up, sputtering and spitting the egg out.
"So, what's his problem?" Cardin asked Winter with his mouth full.
"A toon killed his sister," she answered simply.
Yang, Taiyang, and Qrow all gasped. They weren't happy to hear Raven had been killed but wouldn't shed tears either. Everyone else was simply stunned.
"What?" the other bar patrons said in shock, even Cardin.
Winter sadly shook her head. "Dropped a piano on her head."
"That's terrible!" Ruby said in a horrified voice.
"Yep. That's definitely a good reason to dislike toons," Qrow said with a solemn nod.
"But why would a toon ever kill somebody?" Nora asked shakily, unable to comprehend how a toon could do such a thing.
"Maybe it was an accident," Ren said to sooth his partner.
Author's Note: You'll notice I changed Gold-Sith's color to a golden yellow color instead of blue. I don't know why it took me so long to realize it, but I'll fix that error in past chapters. Anyway, stay tuned everyone, and be sure to point out any errors on my part, since I kind of rushed this chapter.