What the fuck is going on?!

I died, right?

...right?

No, no I did. I know I did. I just watched them have a funeral for me.

Then this bright ass light came and I woke up here.

Now where exactly is 'here'?

"Mphed...hi..mmbs...baby...hmphhmm."

What the actual fuck was that?!

Was that talking? It's all muffled though.

What the hell is going on?

--

So it's been a couple days, ...I think, and I've come to the conclusion that I'm in someone's womb. Meaning I'm a baby, and I've been reborn. Reincarnated.

So I guess I just have to wait right?

To be born.

I'm oddly excited. I've always been into reincarnation stories and honestly my last life wasn't that great.

Dead sister, pushy parents, fake friends... you get my point?

I just hope things go okay for me in this new life. I barely got the chance to live my last one. I lived for everyone else, but not this time.

I'm still kinda stumped on why I still have my memories but I don't really need to know.

--

As the weeks pass, it gets easier to hear people talking to or around me.

Point is ...it's boring as fuck in here.

I was a police officer (not by choice, but we'll get into that later), I'm so used to action and to always be ready.

Now I'm this little glob of flesh in my new mothers baby maker.

Sigh, life (or reborn life) is so boring. There is nothing to do but listen to people talk to me about being a good baby, and how they are excited to meet me.

And as sweet as it is, they say it over and over. Like a broken record, like bitch I know, you say it everyday.

I just wish time would hurry up.

--

Okay, so today is the day. I'm finally outta here.

I'm pretty sure..

Nope, it's definitely the day.

I see some light and I'm being pushed towards it.

It only takes a few minutes and I'm out.

Only it's cold as fuck and I'm being passed person to person, I can't help but cry.

I calm down when I'm cleaned up and wrapped in a blanket. I open my eyes and take a glance around the room, trying to find my new parents but this nurse is in the fucking way.

Bitch move.

I glare at her, suddenly I'm being lifted up in the nurses arms.

"Mr. and Mrs. Gilbert here is your baby boy." The nurse says, passing me into my moms arms.

"Boy? But the ultrasound said we were having a girl?" My mom asks.

Well, fuck you too.

I take this chance to look at her, only she looks super familiar...

...

No.

It's a coincidence.

Gilbert is a common name.

These people just look similar to Grayson and Miranda Gilbert. Right? Right! How funny.

...

Mother. Fucking. Shitballs.

Why does this shit happen to me?

Hm? Did some god think The Vampire Diaries is a good show to be reborn into? Do they think this shits funny?!

I don't even like the show that much. I watched it over and over for one reason alone.

Klaus. Motherfucking. Mikaelson.

Everyone else can fuck off.

Elena? Selfish, controlling, hoe ass bitch.

Bonnie? Judgmental, self righteous puppet.

Stefan? No self control, stalker ass 'hero'.

Everyone else was meh. But those three were the ones I hated the most.

My inner ranting was cut off by the nurse.

"Well, determining the gender through ultrasound isn't always one hundred percent."

The way Miranda held me got tight and uncomfortable, so I started crying again.

The way she looked at me, you would think I just killed her cat or something. She looked at me as if I was an annoyance.

I look this bitch dead in the eyes and cried harder.

Hahahaha stupid cow. Deal with me now.

She looked down at me with disgust, "Take it." She lifts me and passes me to Grayson.

"Miranda." He spoke softly, taking me from her gently, looking at her disappointed.

Wow Miranda. What a bitch.

"No Grayson. I wanted a girl. What are we going to do? The nursery is pink, as are most of the baby clothes and bottles. Ugh, it just had to be a boy." She said with a sneer.

The fuck? And I didn't want you as a mother but we don't always get what we want, do we?

"Just make it stop crying and get it away from me." She says laying down.

This hoe ass bitch better shut the fuck up. Or I'm gonna wait until it's her turn to change me and shit all over her hand.

I swear I will.

And just for her being a bitch I cry louder.

--

So it's been a month since I've been born. Dad is pretty much my only parent. Miranda barely interacts with me. And if she does it's only with people around. Acting as if she's a good mother.

I'm trying to remember everything that happened in the show.

It all starts when Dad and Miranda die. So I've got a good fifteen to sixteen years to prepare.

I'm gonna start with training my body. Get into martial arts maybe? I definitely need to train with a weapon. I need a vervain tattoo. I seriously question if people in TVD were ignorant or just plain stupid. Like really, nobody ever thought about vervain tattoos?

Ugh, anyway, I'll try to get Jeremy and Jenna in on it too. I'll leave Elena to fend for herself. She'll drag us into it when she needs us anyway.

And I've gotta save a whole lot of people. Seriously what was with this tv show and killing off the good characters?

I have to save Vicki, Lexi, Enzo, Jenna, Tyler, Kai, Anna, Pearl, Harper, Mason (do I have to save him though?), and a couple more.

I've met John and Jenna. I think John is okay. Honestly whatever, I can see why he hates vampires, I mean I watched the whole series.

TVD, The Originals, and Legacies (but I stopped watching it bc it was trash).

So I'm on the fence about saving him.

Anyway, what really confuses me right now is that I'm not Jeremy.

When I was first born I thought I was him because I was Grayson and Miranda's son, but no.

They named me Elliot Blake Gilbert.

Who the fuck is that?

I mean I guess it's me now, but what the hell?

So I'm someone who didn't even exist in the show.

But you know what? Too bad bitches. I'm here now, so I'll be changing shit left and right.

--

2 months later

So I'm 3 months old now, and they just brought baby Elena home.

I heard Miranda saying they were gonna raise us as twins.

Ugh, that means we are always gonna be together.

School, playtime, eating, friends, everything.

Currently I am being held by Dad and he is tickling me. Probably trying to make up for Miranda focusing only on Elena.

I did that ridiculously cute baby laughing squeal, and I have to say ...it's actually embarrassing as fuck.

Ya know being a baby kinda sucks, but it's kinda great too. I could never be this carefree in my last life.

He looks at me fondly, and I can tell he really loves me. I know Grayson was a bad guy to vampires and shit, but he is a really great Dad.

He makes me feel loved, makes sure I'm fed, happy and healthy.

I feel really sad knowing he's going to die.

I grab his cheeks with my chubby baby hands squish them together.

"eraa...goo..doda.." (You're a good dad.)

"...ah..dud...doo.." (I love you.)

He smiles widely at me, holding me close.

"Aww, was my Ellie trying to tell Daddy something? Such a smart boy." He says sweetly.

I give him a gummy smile and giggle.

If only he knew.

I rest my head on his shoulder and wrap my small arms around his neck giving him a hug.

I really love this guy.

Fuck Miranda, fuck Elena, all I need is Dad and Jeremy (when he gets here).