She kneels on the tatami mats of his residence and bows her head out of respect.
"Sir you asked to speak with me?"
"Kanroji, I've been hearing concerns about your mental wellbeing."
She was afraid of this...
She felt so vulnerable.
"It's nothing, Master. It's... nothing." She tried telling him that the girls from the butterfly mansion kept her company, but didn't want to share her personal feelings. When he kept asking more leading questions, she finally admitted feeling stupid for misjudging a situation, but made it sound like a work issue, not a personal one.
He rubbed his chin.
"Mitsuri, have you tried reaching out to your peers? You know you can always talk to them. Besides..." he chuckles lightly, "I know it's easier to count sorrows than blessings, but in my opinion, it is a sign of maturity, not weakness to admit you're a fool once in a while, it shows you're growing as a person."
See, it was this clairvoyance that made her feel flayed open. It almost sounded like he knew. The Master always had a way of eliciting powerful emotions from her and the other hashira.
Even as his eyes drifted aimlessly across the room, like a paddleless boat on a tranquil lake, his heart's eye surpassed physical sight.
Which is why she usually met his gaze while speaking, but today her eyes fell to the floor. "But Master, I don't feel like it... sometimes."
There is another pause before he says, "The key to happiness is knowing its source, Mitsuri. It isn't by avoiding pain that we are happy, it's by accepting and moving with it that we have something to compare happiness to. Pain and happiness go hand in hand. Like becoming a pillar. It didn't come easily at all, but didn't your accomplishments make you happy Mitsuri?"
He was right. It did make her happy.
Despite the pain she endured along the way, she was happy to dispose of ghastly demons that would do harm to innocents. Seeing the gratitude on their faces inspired her to want to train harder so she could save more. It was Kanroji's calling to save people.
"Yes it did." She says finally. They converse a bit more before they're interrupted by one of his daughters saying there was a matter he needed to attend to.
"Apologies, Mitsuri." he says excusing himself. His daughter was at his side assisting him to a standing position. They exchange bows one final time, before exiting the room. Another of his daughters escorts Mitsuri off the premises.
Have you tried reaching out to your peers?
His words echo in her head as she heads home.
She wanted to! But she needed to sort out these feelings on her own. She couldn't involve the others like she normally would because it was herfeelings that were the problem. Kyojuro dumped her, she just needed to get over it.
She passes the ramen shop on the way and for some reason, her stomach growled.
Might as well.
She shuffles her feet in and takes a seat at her usual place and orders.
It was a complete reverse of the week before, even the chef was concerned. He asked if there was anything he could do to help after seeing her twirl the broth of her 4th bowl of ramen idly. She shook her head, because to say anything more would start a domino effect. But he made her a bowl completely on the house anyway. She thanked him, nibbling the course slowly, though her tastebuds couldn't taste anything at all...
"Rengoku again?"
"Oh, Iguro..." She flinched but didn't jump this time, still doleful as ever.
"What's wrong, Mitsuri?" he asks. Even he sounded glum. "You're not obligated but if you wanna talk, I'm here." She purses her lips in hesitation. He wasnt encumbered by what transpired between them, that much was obvious. He sounded sincere... and he was here now, so she figured why not take the lifeline?
She takes a deep breath and tells him what happened.