His taste is sweet in her mouth when he finishes. He puts his clothes on immediately after, seeming rather keen on leaving back out through the window. She notices that his mannerisms aren't carefully calculated only when he cums. Every other time, he was always so ... in control.
He was just being cautious. She knew that, but it still made her stomach sink to see him go.
Almost like... A dirty secret he wanted to keep covered. He threw his haori on last, patting himself gently. "Oh, that's right." He instructs her to sit on the bed, digging back into his robe for something.
"They didn't have the other pair, but the shopkeeper says he will next time, so in the meantime." He pulls out a new pair of socks, this time pink with cherry blossoms stitched on.
"Is that why you left and came back?" she asks. He smiles again, that sheepish little thing he does and takes her foot in his hand, sliding both socks smoothly up her thighs, letting his palms linger on her lap, before getting to his feet. He bids her a good night, making his way to the window when a kasugai crow arrives, startling them both. "Message! message!" it caws.
They exchange hesitant glances. Both wondering if the crows were articulate enough to gossip about what they saw. She shrugs equally unsure, but he was frowning-deeply. Even with his bandages, she could tell. The crow was Kaname–Kyojuro's crow. Obanai was clearly concerned about Kyojuro knowing about this, but something told her it wasn't for the same reasons she was.
Still, she opens the window, reading the scroll to herself in case it was important. He leaves through the front door deftly while she does.
The instant he's gone, she runs to the bathroom and vomits, leaving Kaname in her room. Kyojuro asked if she was ok to eat together tomorrow, but it was the implication unsaid in between his words that made her sick.
She knew he didn't want to burden her with his presence if it was too much, but...
It was still there. She could feel it.
Just like earlier, when she saw him with Shinobu, her stomach fluttered. The butterflies. The jitters. She still loved him. She didn't know how, but she did... despite everything, she still loved him! She accepted it was over between them, but it didn't change the fact he taught her everything. She revered him so much.
It scared her the amount of power this affection had over her; it overwhelmed.
"Stop it. Stop crying!" she says futilely, trying to hold it all in.
She was afraid. So afraid. Her biggest fear was that no matter what, she'd love Kyojuro unconditionally, rendering her unable to move on. Possibly hurting both relationships.
To make matters worse, she doesn't even know if Iguro likes her. She's making all these assumptions, but what if Obanai didn't? What if she was a ... mistress? A whore to him? His unwillingness to bring up what they were. The expectant way he came to her room after saying he was busy. The flippant way he disregarded her tonight. His deep reluctance to be caught... the gifts...
Her father explained to her how some men liked to spend their nights with women in secret, strongly cautioning her against meeting such men. They often coax and say the things girls want to hear, even compensate them by buying gifts and food, but they never claim you. Never want to be seen in public with you. They don't love you. It was all too confusing to her as a child. And even now, as an adult, it wasn't much better. She understood completely what the courtesan meant now.
This was common mistress behavior.
The thought makes her puke more in guilt. Could she live with that? Why is she such a coward?
But Iguro DOES seem to care about her. He's respectful, and he listens and he definitely cares about her pleasure but, then why doesn't he say anything? Did he care that much or not at all?
She felt so guilty about using him that first night that she avoided everyone like the plague... but now she's happy whenever he's around. Opening herself to him willingly, without the promise of a relationship. Was he an emotional lifeline to her? Is that why she's doing this?
No. No no! She shook her head. She liked him. She DID, very much so. That part is true. It's the rest that's all a big mess.
She feels like a demon, consuming another man's time, money and kindness while not over the last. Rengoku was like a nichirin blade slicing through her neck, ruining an otherwise magnificent feast. Because that's how Mitsuri saw herself right now, as a demon.
"you're wrong, Iguro, you're wrong. I am a bad person. I am..."
And so she cries.
"Something amiss, Kanroji?" He asks inquisitively. She fiddles one of her braids, she rarely looks for him during the day, but it threw her off when he asked if something was wrong. She could be asking how his patrol went. Or to come eat.
"N-no, nothing's wrong at all, it's just...you don't have to help me anymore." She came right out and said it. She needed to put distance between them until she got herself sorted. Not sever their friendship outright, but just... give herself wiggle room.
He doesn't say anything, however, making her repeat herself in a different way, "Iguro, you don't need to worry about me anymore..." It was for the best.
Iguro assesses her for a few seconds longer before turning his full body and says. "Ah, then I assume it's Rengoku again."
She lifted her head up, shocked, "Eh? Why would you say...?" she blurted by accident.
"You're happiest when he's around, Kanroji." he stated matter-of-fact again.
Wait a minute, why would he say that? She just told him he didn't have to worry about her. She needed to allow the proper time to unpack her feelings! She was gonna do the same with Rengoku too after lunch.
This wasn't just about Kyojuro ...
Sure, it was unlike her to seek him out like this (the need to protect people's feelings by avoiding them has always been a fatal flaw of hers), but she was fully aware this time; this was a conscious decision.
"Iguro, I want you to know that we can still be- "
"-friends?" he cuts her off, making her stutter but she nodded. Was this the wrong move? Was she wrong? He sounded mad. Was he not ok with this after all? Would he still want to be her friend if there weren't any ... rewards anymore for doing so?
"Er.. yeah." She finishes, now unsure. He assesses her again, his face completely unreadable. She felt the ants of anxiety biting her neck and back as she waited for his reply. She hadn't considered this! Would he reject her for ending their nightly activities? All she was asking was for a little time!
As if sensing her despair, he smiles, or rather she knows he is smiling because his eyes are sparkling. "Friendship, yes I'd like that very much, Kanroji" he says, not at all despondent. "Then I'll be seeing you around," he says, simply walking off toward the training grounds, presumably to refine his breathing techniques.
She let out a sigh of relief, but still that encounter felt off. The same elusive questions flooded her brain again about his behavior. "Hey, hold on," she calls out. As always, he stops shuffling and turns to see what she needs.
"D-do you want me to visit sometime? I can if you want... to."
He cocks his head slightly. "You mean stop by my residence?" She averts her gaze to the side, blushing a deep amaranth. When he said it out loud, it sounded immensely inappropriate to her ears, especially after she just finished telling him to give her space. "You can visit me anytime Kanroji, though I think it would be better we meet elsewhere. Sanemi lives adjacent to me and he hates distractions, especially from his meditation."
Meditation? Sanemi? She had no idea the hot-blooded pillar even bothered controlling his temper. In a lot of ways, his rage fueled his technique, making him the formidable pillar he was. And what did he mean by distractions? Did Iguro mean partying too loudly, or did he mean... something else entirely?
She waved her hands frantically, fanning the heat on her face, assuring him she won't show up unannounced, getting him in trouble with the wind pillar.
"Did you wanna eat later today?" He offered. She shook her head, "n-no I'm fine." A half-lie she prayed he wouldn't pick up on. She wanted to be alone with Kyojuro when she tells him, and she knew Iguro's tendency to pay for her meals.
"Then will you be at the party tomorrow?" he asks, none the wiser, "It's been approved by the master since we have no missions." It was a custom amongst the hashira. Once a month, they'd celebrate with a gathering. It was a bonding move the master promoted to keep their cohesion and spirits up. Since life for a slayer was often brutally short, the master always allowed them this downtime whenever possible.
"Of course! See you then!" He eye-smiles at her again before leaving with a wave.
She heads off in a different direction, eager to meet Rengoku. She weaves around passebys's going about their stroll until she finds the shop. It was a different shop this time, one that served delicious curry hot buns and soba noodles. She chose it this time in case Iguro accidentally found her at her usual shop. This place was so out of the way in fact, she doubted any hashira would find them and interrupt her much needed talk with the flame pillar.
Rengoku was already seated. "New socks?" he asks, when she plops down next to him.
She looks down at herself, "Y-yeah, Iguro gave them to me."
"He has a good eye. They match your hair perfectly!" he lauded as they ate.
To her surprise, the food tasted excellent today.