Next day didn't work out as planned. Kanroji was nowhere to be seen. Not even at her usual dining spots. He made his way to her quarters where he found Aoi in the garden and asked her. She said Kanroji was still in her room unwell.

Unwell? from the sake?

while dispirited, he figured he'd just come back and see her the next day. Only to find out that she was still bedridden. And when he found Aoi again (with a raised eyebrow holding reservations of her own for why he was so interested) she made it sound like Mitsuri was... depressed.

Depressed? Did it have something to do with him? Because of What they did? Did he read her wrong? Did he hurt her, after all?

he felt sick in his stomach..

What if she wanted to stop, and he pressured her to continue? Did he take advantage of her?

The idea that he might've hurt Mitsuri without knowing pained him so much it damn-near spiralled him into depression. made worse by the fact he couldn't talk about it with anyone, not even the Master. He refrained from seeing her altogether and instead watched from a distance.

Rumor has it that she was broken-hearted over Rengoku. But how true was that? she told obanai that night she wanted him, not kyojuro. But what was the point of fretting? He couldn't talk to anyone about it. Not even her. With no other choice, he waited until the flame pillar returned at the end of the month and was first to greet him upon his arrival offering 'kind' words of advice… the Iguro way, of course.

"Give these to Kanroji. She's upset at you." he shoved the rice cakes in his hands and walked off.

But of course, rengoku had to say something. "iguro, I'll apologize, but why don't you give these to her instead? I told you she… doesn't…" kyojuro shakes his head, "I told you before I'm not the one best suited to understanding her. You are, obanai."

He ...wanted to run away when kyojuro said that. But instead he turns and glares at him, only to see kyojuros burning red eyes staring back unwavering. Which pissed Iguro off. Yes, he knew it was counterintuitive to ask rengoku to "fix" her, but he couldn't stand to see her like that anymore. If he wasn't so afraid that he was the cause of her despair, he would've fixed it himself. But he was positive that he was, so best to just get rengoku to cheer her back up. "Kyojuro. She fucking loves you!" he spat before leaving again.

Sure enough, bitter-sweetly, she was her happy, cheerful self again. Though his chest ached knowing he wasn't the reason, he could endure as long as she was cured. So after a month of painstaking avoidance, he approached her like nothing happened at the restaurant. Thats when she apologized, saying she made a mistake.

Ah... so he was the cause of her despair. Good thing he kept his distance.

He knew she was panic-stricken by his sudden appearance, so he put her mind at ease the only way he knew how, by lying that it wasn't a big deal to protect her feelings. Then paid for her favorite dishes.

And for a little while, he thought he could settle with that. Fawning for her from a distance, cherishing that one memory together where she was actually his.

But then she crashed into another crippling depression.

Everyone noticed.

She wouldn't eat, barely focused on training and was a basket case for days, he knew it had something to do with Kyojuro again, but this time instead of giving advice he went straight to the master to request audience, pleading his case that there was something wrong with Kanroji and that he'd appreciate if the master did not bring up that it was iguro who went to him on her behalf.

It was by complete happenstance that he walked by the ramen shop on some immaterial errand when he saw her there sitting alone, glum as ever. So again, he approached her and this time HE was the reason, not Kyojuro for her smile coming back.

He walked her back feeling confident that she was ok, only for her to ask him a question that left him so unspeakably angry, that he had to actively remind himself to calm down so she wouldn't think he was taking it out on her like she often did.

"Iguro am I.. bad?"

She said she felt dumb for joining the Demon Slayer Corps and risking her life so she could find a man to love her. But his mind was already blank.
Bad? How was she bad!?

Iguro knew bad, and Kanroji was not it. Bad was your clan selling a child's soul to a snake demon to save their own skin. Bad is thinking appeasing evil with human sacrifices would ever lead to anything but moral depravity. Bad was a young boy with two-toned eyes thinking he was special for his extravagant treatment and not because he was a sacrifice. Bad was selfishly clinging to life and reneging on your duty to be sacrificed getting your family killed.

In fact, after becoming a slayer, Iguro learned there was something far, FAR worse than the sin of taking life and that was to take away one's belief in the BEAUTY of it. Such a thing was far more terrible in his eyes. He saw it everywhere he vanquished demons. It was everywhere you look. The corps members. The hashira. Himself.

Demon slaying saved the physical body, but demons left indelible scars on the victims hearts, sometimes so deep iguro wondered if they had truly saved anyone at all. That is until he met her. He thought no one aside from the master had the power to save a human heart with a smile and kind words. Yet she existed. And not just her, but rengoku as well. When they saved lives, they weren't just saving the body; they were saving hearts and preserving that beauty within every victim that life can continue. Their kindness would beget more kindness and like a torch, it passes on within the hearts of others. When they saved people, they weren't just saving lives; they made them whole again, preserving that beauty within every victim that life was worth living despite the trauma. He was envious of such a talent.

So again, how is that stupid?Wanting to be married was an excellent, noble dream!

It was only stupid if her convictions were flimsy, but they weren't at all. Mitsuri put her heart and soul into everything she did. And what's more, her dream was so much better than the ubiquitous stories of pain and suffering and revenge the rest of them always cited because, at least with Kanroji's dreams, she believed in a life AFTER the demons were vanquished. Unlike him and Sanemi and Shinobu and more or less everyone else... once they achieved their goals of revenge and purging demons from this world once and for all... what else was left for them? They were purposeless, aimless. Boats without paddles.

In fact, before tonight, Iguro had never really considered it...

A life after the demons?

... was it possible?

He just wanted to be survive long enough to be of use, but could he also dream? Could it be possible to want to live that life... with her...?

Even if she didn't want to be with him per se... it was enough to support her from afar when she married Kyojuro or whoever in the future, right?

He couldn't help but fall for Mitsuri the very instant he met her. All at once, incredibly, he was seeing beauty from hardship. It was such a powerful beacon, it transcends comprehension in his mind. And it made him so incredibly frustrated that he couldn't upturn her frown with a smile of his own, given how ugly he looks, so he tried a different manner of making her understand.

"Kanroji, you have to stop! Do not make the mistake of making yourself feel small. You're so much better than that."

The ache in his chest forced him to cut her off so he wouldn't have to hear anymore of it.

No... Mitsuri Kanroji was NOT bad. She was everything. Everything he wished he could be. He can't uplift people wide a smile... not anymore. He was afraid his own reflection. Why would others be any different?. He wasn't a joy to talk to or be around, the scars of his childhood still remained, often robbing the beauty he saw in life ... he couldn't live his life as happy and carefree as she did with all the lives whose ends he caused by his selfish desire to live, no matter how much he wanted to. And Unlike him, she had a dream... one that saw a future for herself.

Fuck demons. And fuck all those men in her life that made her feel less-than. Fuck Rengoku too. And everyone. If anyone badmouthed her, they'd have to answer to him.

"I didn't think anybody noticed me," she said.

"It's only your opinion that nobody notices you, Kanroji, because I can say for an absolute fact that I do."

I guess it's true that the sun only shines half time, huh Mitsuri? The look in her eyes was back. No, not just shock... that other look, the same one from that night. It was Rengoku's absolute loss. No more helping him out. Iguro was now in the rat race, putting his all into taking Mitsuri as his own, through any means necessary.

Before he knew they were both all over each other again, touching and holding each others bodies so tightly it was as if they both trying to meld into one. When her hands shook in fear of rejection, he steadied them. When tears stung her eyes, he soothed her.

HE did, not Rengoku.

He had to reciprocate her kindness. Even willingly exposed his ugly face again just to make her feel more secure about her own perceived ugliness. But he had to make absolutely sure this was what she wanted. Last time he forced her to continue, so he needed to be sure she wanted him to keep going.

If she said no. Even once, no matter how dejected he felt, he'd stop. He didn't want to hurt her again like last time. He couldn't.

"Tell me to stop, Mitsuri." he said after touching her. He's already stated he wanted her. TWICE. He put his feelings on the line, but he absolutely wanted to make sure she wanted him too. Tell me please, Mitsuri. Without the chatter in the distance, without the alcohol. Tell me you want this. Tell me you want me.

And she did.

"... yes" she said.

The rest was history.

Reason Iguro was so good that night aas because after that first drunken encounter, he awkwardly went to Tengen for advice on... sexual matters. Despite the guy being an absolute showboat, he was remarkably reserved when he needed to be. His advice was like a roadmap where the reward wasn't treasure ... it was fucking El Dorado. He followed it word for word and she came like destiny. But Iguro only had a roadmap to her sexual pleasure... he needed one to her heart too and the Uzui's... eccentric upbringing just wasn't what he needed.

"Kocho, how do you please a woman?"

The sincerity of his question actually pulled a chortle in response. Not completely out of the ordinary for the otherwise balmy-faced hashira. Iguro regarded the insect hashira as the most intelligent among them. And while romance wasn't exactly her field of expertise, she was a woman after all, no less in age than Kanroji, plus she was articulate, able to give voice in a way people like tengen or Sanemi couldn't. She even got Tomioka to open up to her! A feat nobody could do. Yes, she was the perfect person to go to about his wish.

"Would this have anything to do with someone in particular... perhaps?"

He wasn't ashamed. In fact, he was glad because now he could receive the advice he needed without playing games. "What I want to know specifically is... how to know when a woman actually loves you versus when she's pitying you..." He's had his suspicions about mitsuri's behavior towards him, but when he saw her leave a bit too eagerly with rengoku he felt ill again. Every time he thinks she loves him, if rengoku so much as waves in her direction its as if he were back to square one. He hated it and needed more perspective.

"I suppose the best way would be to ask her." She replies simply.

"And what if she doesn't know? You saw her reaction that night when you came with REngoku."

"Yes, and how did you react? I noticed she had on a new pair of socks," she countered. He narrowed his eyes. "Yes, and then immediately afterwards, she told me she needed space."

Shinobu's eyes widen a bit, "when was this?"

"After I came back from patrol."

She shrugs. "Maybe she needs to process."

"Then why did I catch her with Rengoku tonight, huh? She needed space from me, but not him?"

"You think the heart of a woman like Kanroji is a fickle thing?" she counters. Her bright smile now faded into a faint one. "She is the love pillar, after all, Obanai. If there is one thing she knows, it's her own heart,"

"Then let me rephrase the question so you understand," he states a bit contemptuously as he looks up at the stars, "Do you talk to Tomioka because you genuinely like him or... because none of us do?"

Kocho was a very composed woman, but even her eyes cringed ever so slightly at the question, "I understand your plight, Iguro, but the answer, as remiss as I am to say, isn't so simple. It depends on the self awareness and maturity level of the person. Namely, Kanroji's perception on Kyojuro's potential to settle down with her.

"Do you think he will?"

She sighs at that. "I suppose anything is possible. After all, in the field of medicine, diseases that were once deemed incurable are now made curable... however, it came at a cost. Kyojuro isn't like the rest of us..." she blinked before giggling to herself mildly, "What's so funny?"

"Ah, nothing, i just realized I sounded exactly like Tomioka just now." she shakes her head with a sigh focusing back on the main point, "Kyojuro isn't selfish, however that's his problem too. Again, as somewhat of an expert of the human physiology, I can say for certain we are not demons. No matter how super human we may appear, we aren't infallible. Kyojuro is only able to perform as well as he does because of his selfless disposition however it's his selflessness that makes him so attractive to Kanroji, but as fate would have it, if he committed to her he wouldn't be selfless anymore, you get it?"

He understands that. But does Kanroji?

"How do I make her recognize that?" he blurts desperately, but Kocho doesn't mind.

"She already does, Iguro." she says, causing his eyes to widen and his head to hang low. She puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I know you filter everything through logic. I'm the same way, but Kanroji is a bit... different. It isn't logic that guides her decision-making as much as it is her principles and more importantly, that conviction to her principles. Unlike logic, which can be proven with external evidence, morals and principles are a bit more nebulous. They're individualized in each person and can be difficult to navigate. Kanroji knows Rengoku won't commit, but maybe she feels what she feels for him because of something we can't see or ever truly understand. Such is unrequited love, Iguro."

He should've known this was a waste of time. It's why he hated being so attached. It made him illogical. Logical Iguro would have come to this very obvious conclusion had anybody else come to him with this problem. But because HE was the one with the problem, all of a sudden it felt like this insurmountable equation, when in reality it is exactly as simple, Kocho stated. It's simple. There's nothing he could do.

He can only do what he can do. The rest is up to her.

Ugh... he could almost die from this humiliation. Shinobu seems to have picked up on his distress and pulls him gently into a soft hug, not a full body embrace but more like a side hug for comfort, which he was grateful for admittedly. They return together to the party where Tomioka predictably sat brooding while the rest frolicked and enjoyed the festivities for what they were.

He should be here soon. He thinks as he leads kanroji to his room. Time to get this all out in the open once and for all. He's gonna confess his feelings like tengen said and get to the bottom of what rengokus plans with her are. He brought her along as a witness, so whatever case is made and decisions are decided upon, both men would accept and move on.

But then he let his accursed jealousy get the better of him like it always did. But he had to know.

What was she and rengoku talking about in the woods?.

To ask my opinion on him getting married.

What?

Fucking ...huh?!

He tried like hell to mask the inner rage boiling inside his stomach right now, but he could not fucking believe this. Was kyojuro being... spiteful? Was he spiting iguro right now? He tried to rationalize what kanroji just told him, more importantly, the timing and the why. He knew he was emotional, that his heart would jump to conclusions sans evidence, but even the rational part of his brain had a hard time understanding the suspicious timing of rengokus "question".

So he shits on it.

He almost had to on his honor as a man. Brother or not, it was disrespectful to pick now, of all times, to torture kanroji with that empty promise. He had years, fucking years, to propose. Iguro accomplished more in 3 months! Even going against his better judgement and giving Kyojuro advice and the man still fumbled! And now that he was so close... sooooo close to making Mitsuri his, he pulls the carpet right from under with a proposal... no- A teaser of a fucking potential proposal. How asinine!

"I don't think Rengoku is smart at all because if he were he wouldn't have let you go without a fight. You're mine now, mitsuri," It was easily one of the biggest mistakes of his life, to say that- to mean it.

He knew exactly what would happen next.

Fuck. I need to make this quick. I need to make this quick! He'll be here any minute. Gotta be quick.

It was stupid and selfish and wanton, he knew. But he never intended for him to see it. But something about the way kanroji moaned his name. Something about how she dug her nails in his back so hard it left half-crest moons in his skin. Something about the way she loved him again, right now, in this very instant.

Something about the way he was somehow able to fuck rengoku right out of her brain so she'd only think of him... Made him slow down. Take his time. Burn the image of her face in pleasure into his mind. Even if he lost her to the flame pillar atleast he gave her something. Atleast he could take pride in that.

He truly never meant to hurt anyone. He truly didn't.

His actions, not only caused mitsuri great shame and embarrassment (along with rengoku) but his cruel comments afterwards left the room frigid. And the worst part?

"You used me to spite him!"

No... no... you got it all wrong, mitsuri, I would never do that to you!

"You did! How could you?" She held her torso as if to hold herself in one piece. As if she'd fall apart at the seems made him such horrible hurt he regretted ever being born at all.

Oh God he was losing her. He looked to tengen but the shinobi stood mum. And it wasn't until that moment that iguro really wasn't certain if he HAD used mitsuri to spite rengoku or not. Sure, it wasn't his intention when he brought her here, certainly wasn't his intention when he talked shit either. Wasn't his intention when they started fucking but... somewhere in between that perhaps?

Somewhere in between...

...it...

It... was!

It was spite!

Oh, fuck, he may have ruined their entire cohesion with his selfish fucking actions! In fact, with all the commotion, had tengen not deployed his wives to keep everything hush there was a very real chance the entire corps would've found out and all 3 would've been reprimanded, possibly stripped of their positions...

Mitsuri dissappeared out the window she launched Rengoku out of.

As the gravity of the situation hit like a ton of bricks, iguro could feel himself shrinking, feel that dull ache around the hole in his chest punched through by her words. Sure kanroji didn't hit him, but he almost preferred that she did. He wished he and the flame pillar switched positions because what she said felt like being flayed alive.