Chapter Three
Solitude
A new morning and Stefan had planned to surprise Elena with a brief getaway on his motorcycle. He woke up feeling depressed and worried. Elena's vampire transformation had a rough start and after their fight last night about lying to each other, he wanted to take her away and have some fun. After an early morning hunt in the woods for his breakfast he made his way to the carport to prep his bike. Upon reaching the front yard, Stefan realized Damon's car wasn't around and he also noted that Damon didn't come home last night. This made him feel uneasy. Where was Damon? He started to recall all the things that Elena said last night about Damon. The fact he was alone that night, a night when they thought they were going to die. Of course, Elana did die, and that awful fact had Stefan in a hollow, guilt-ridden state. But today, he wondered what Damon went through during that time. He almost convinced himself to put off the day trip and look for his brother, but after last night he wanted to fix things with Elena. With that in mind, he called his girlfriend.
The Gilbert House was so quiet. Losing another parent, or in this case, a guardian had thrown the Gilbert siblings through another gauntlet of grief. The sad fact was, they knew how to handle grief. Although Jeremy was doing fine, some sadness but he was fine because he was the only one that could still see and talk to Alaric. Jeremy would talk about the stuff in his life, and he would listen, and Alaric would complain about being stuck on the Other Side and listing all the human things he was missing. With everything that had happened in the last few days, Jeremy hadn't had the chance to tell Elena about Alaric's visit.
Elena woke up to the sound of singing birds outside her window, which with heightened senses made them familiar to car alarms. She wondered how Stefan, Damon and Caroline handled trying to sleep as a vampire. Maybe it was just a newbie vampire thing, and her senses will eventually settle. Speaking of heightened senses, she could smell the incredible smooth aroma of coffee being made in the kitchen. In a flash, a human flash, not a vampire one, she washed, dressed and made it to the kitchen going straight for a mug.
"Morning." Said Jeremy with a mouth full of milk and cornflakes.
"Morning, is this for me?" She gestured to the coffeemaker with a smile.
"The rest is." He replied. Elena pours herself a cup, adding one sugar and then sips. Elena's tastebuds danced around her mouth as the hot, bittersweet liquid swished in her mouth and traveled down her throat. The heightened hearing was irritating, but improvedtaste was something different. The depth of flavor was intense, borderline euphoric. For a moment she swore she could feel the caffeine making its way into her bloodstream. Now satisfied with a buzz, she turned back to Jeremy.
"I wanted to check in with you, about Ric." She started. "So much has happened, and we haven't really talked much."
"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about Ric too." He replied, pushing away his empty bowl.
Elena looked at her brother with concerned eyes. "How are you coping with it all?"
"I'm actually okay. I know, I'm sad about him being gone but he did visit me after he died to say goodbye." Elena had completely forgotten that her brother could talk to ghosts.
"You see him? Like all the time?" She asked.
"No, not all the time. He only appears when I think about him and he's thinking about me." Jeremy explained.
"Is he here right now?" She asked again, looking around the kitchen. Jeremy quickly scanned the room.
"No, he's not here. I haven't seen him since yesterday morning." Jeremy replied as he got up from the table to rinse his bowl in the sink. "Ric said he was worried about Damon and that he was going to see him." He continued, moving his dishes to the washer.
"Damon? Did Ric say where Damon was?" She questioned, turning around to face him. Jeremy was now leaning against the sink when he replied.
"He said Damon was at the Grill yesterday, drinking like a sailor. He said he saw you there too." A slight confusing blush came to Elena's cheeks as she remembered what she did with Damon at the grill. Feeding from him and the bewildering feelings that happened in the moment. She hoped Ric didn't see that.
"Did something happen to Damon?" Jeremy chimes in, bringing his sister out of her thoughts. Elena shakes her head. For a second, she thought lying to Jeremy would protect him, but she decided that knowing the truth would be better.
"Yeah. His... He turned off his emotions." Elena replied in a pained voice. "If you see him today, don't go near him. You call me or Stefan and let us know where he is. Having an emotionless Damon walking around the town is bad enough, I don't want you getting mixed up in this." Elana explained, as she finished her coffee.
"I'll keep an eye out, but I'll keep my distance." Jeremy paused, collecting his phone from the table. "I'm assuming you and Stefan have a plan to help him?" Elena pondered his question. There were too many strong emotions running through her mind last night that she didn't even think to discuss a plan with Stefan.
"There isn't a plan yet. We'll need to find him first." Elena replied while beginning to think of a worthwhile plan for bringing Damon back. There was a moment of silence between them before Jeremy asked a question Elena didn't want to think about.
"Do you know why Damon did it? He told me once that a vampire can turn it off to avoid the pain." Jeremy didn't know but he was one hundred percent correct, and he had answered his own question.
"Yeah, Stefan said he couldn't take the pain of losing Ric and..." Elena hesitated. She really didn't want to tell him the other reason. She didn't want to break down in front of her brother like she did with Stefan. She could still feel the guilt in her stomach and the sadness for hurting him. Instead of holding it in, she decided to confess about the heartbreak stuff and finished by mentioning her death as well. Before Jeremy could reply, Elena's mobile rang.
"I'll let you get that, I've got to get to work." Jeremy said while leaving the kitchen.
"I'm sorry, Elena." He added with a concerned look before leaving.
Elena held up her phone to see Stefan's name on the screen, she delayed answering for a moment. The fight they had only ten hours ago was still raw but she needed to know if he was doing anything about Damon.
"Hello." She answered.
"Hey. You, okay?" Stefan asked.
"Yeah." She couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Look. I didn't like how we left things last night." Elena remained quiet, listening. "I'd like us to talk about everything. Could you meet at my place? I figured we could take my bike somewhere." He offered
"Sure." One-word replies seemed to be her thing now. With a feeling this conversation was coming to an end already, she had to ask him.
"It'll be okay, Elena."
"What about Damon, Stefan, shouldn't we make a plan to get him back?" She waited. "Did he come home last night?" She added.
"No, his car isn't here." Stefan replied in what seemed like an annoyed voice.
"We need to find him." Elena thought if she helped Damon bring his humanity back that her guilt would lessen. She was so hopeful about it but she also cared about him.
She was actually drowning in so many bad feelings that she hadn't yet examined her feelings for Damon.
Her heightened feelings.
"We will. I'll call Liz and ask if we can trace his phone, or his car." Stefan spills out the first idea that comes to mind.
"What about after, Stefan? How do we get him to turn it back on?" She asked, while moving across to the living room and slinging her bag over her shoulder.
"It'll be risky, but we'll have to vervain him and lock him in the cellar." He answered.
"Like what we did to you? With Lexi's help." Elena remembered.
"Yeah, but Damon will be different. I've never been there before, you know. I've never been the one to help him flip his switch."
"We'll try everything if we have to." She said in a determined voice. There was a pause between before Stefan asked.
"Are you coming over now?" His question actually made Elena feel irritable. She thought it seemed like Stefan was avoiding the plan to save Damon. Was he being selfish or was it something else? At the risk of yelling at him again she brought the conversation to an end.
"I'm meeting up with Matt first, he's offered me his blood again." She said in a low voice.
"Alright, text me when you're on your way." He spoke. Elena replied with a hum and then ended the call.
Elena didn't understand why Stefan was being so hesitant, or was it distracted? Mystic Falls still had original vampire residents, and now twelve humans lost their lives in an explosion and a mysterious vampire hunter shows up. If there was some new supernatural threat on the horizon, Elena knew that they needed Damon in his right mind if he was to help. When Elena finished her thought, she realized she was hungry. She got in her car and went to meet Matt at the Grill.
After a feeding from Matt, not enough to fill her hunger but enough to take off the edge, she decided to stop by the Sheriff's Office while she was parked in the city center. She needed to know where he was.
"Elena, Is everything alright?" Liz said in a surprised voice, completely skipping over an opening greeting.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Do you have a moment to talk?" Elena asked, nodding her head towards her office, suggesting privacy. Liz led the way and circled around her hardwood desk but not taking the seat. Liz gave her a worried look. She was wondering what new crazy supernatural recipe was on the menu today.
"Did Stefan call you?" Elena begins.
"No, I don't believe so." Liz replied, looking over at her desk phone. "Why? What's going on?" Elena couldn't believe Stefan hadn't called yet, I had only been forty minutes since he's said he was going to but for some reason hadn't.
"It's Damon, he's missing. I haven't seen him since yesterday." Elena explained, obviously leaving out the no humanity problem.
"I saw him yesterday too. It's only been half a day, Elena. He's probably on a new bender somewhere." Liz said with a small smile, but it didn't change Elena's mood.
"I know, I just have a bad feeling. You know Damon well, he wouldn't just disappear."
"Well, that is true, I know he wouldn't leave you." Liz reminds her. Her soft and honest words take Elena back to that memory from months ago, where Damon had promised to never leave her. A small smile reaches her lips, remembering the comforting touch he gave her.
"I know you're busy, but can I ask a favor? Do you have a way to track where he could be?" Elena begged. Liz looks into Elena's eyes and sees her concerned feelings, which makes her worry about Damon too.
"I might've kept an eye on him when he first arrived in Mystic Falls, wait here." Liz said before walking out of her office and going across the hall. Elena takes a seat, and while waiting for Liz she calls Damon again. Voicemail again.
"Come on, Damon!" She grunted, gripping her phone. She was then interrupted by a text from Stefan.
"Hey, are you on your way?"
So, it was clear Stefan had his phone, and it was working, so why hasn't he called Liz? Elena was now feeling angry, it seemed like she was the only one doing anything about finding Damon and in that moment, she treasured Liz for her help. Elena would've considered Bonnie's help, but she wasn't in a good place with her magic since she tried to save Elena from turning. Elena made a mental note to check on Bonnie later. Back to her last received text, Elena didn't know how to reply, she couldn't find the words that would work in a text, she just shook her head and slipped her phone back in the pocket. After another ten minutes passed, Liz entered her office carrying a folder of documents.
"I got something." Liz explained to Elena where she assumed Damon was. He had taken his car two hours north to Richmond. Richmond was a city compared to Mystic Falls, it had many attractions, bars, restaurants and clubs. It was the closest city you go to if you're looking for fun. Or if you're like Caroline, you go there to shop.
"So, he did leave." Elena let out under her breath, so quiet Liz struggled to hear it.
Elena had a new feeling overcome her, different than the guilt or the grief. A feeling she was sure she had when her parents died, the feeling of abandonment. Of course, her parents didn't abandon her in the literal since, but this feeling was exactly the same, only it felt worse. Elena had to bite back and squeeze her eyes to hold back a sob. She quickly left Liz, thanking her for her help and made her way back to her car. Once she got behind the wheel, feeling a little bit of privacy, her choked sob turned into an actual cry. Tears streamed down her cheeks and her nose and eyes started turning a shade of pink. She leaned in her chair, tilting her head back, drawing in panic breaths, just waiting for the feeling to subside.
She couldn't believe Damon had left her.
She felt like she was stuck in a black hole of emotions, endlessly crushing her. She was mad at Stefan, worried for Damon, concerned for Jeremy and Bonnie and full of all the grief for the loved ones she had lost in the past few months. She decided she needed a singular focus, to fixate her mind one thing at a time. She took a deep slow breath, fastened her seatbelt and swung her car around and headed for the highway, heading for the city of Richmond.
"What are you doing here, Damon? You know your miles away from where you're supposed to be. You didn't have to come all this way for a top shelf bourbon... God I miss bourbon." Alaric let out as he overlooked his friend ordering a fresh drink. Alaric knew Damon couldn't hear him, but he continued. "They all need you, you know, especially Elena." Alaric moved closer, trying to put his ghost hand on his shoulder.
"I know you probably don't like it, but you're the leader of the group and you always do whatever you can to protect the ones you care about. I've always admired that about you." Alaric moved again, going to take the stool next to him but then remembered he couldn't. "It blows I can't be there to help you buddy." Alaric pauses. "I hope someone comes to save you." A hopeful smile curves his lips before he fades away.
Stefan had been waiting for an hour since sending his text to Elena and he was confused he didn't get a reply. The bike was ready, but he was starting to worry where she was. With a sense of urgency, he chose to call her. The call rang four times and then opened to her voicemail, so he tried again. Instead trying a third time, Stefan pocketed his phone and removed the saddle bag from his bike. He jumped on, strapping on a helmet and took off, heading to the Gilbert house. After finding no one home and Elena's car absent, Stefan called Caroline.
"Hey, why are you calling me? Aren't you supposed to be on your bike taking Elena away?" Caroline opened.
"That was the plan, but she didn't show up and I can't reach her on her phone. Is she with you?" Stefan wondered as he paced over Elena's porch.
"No, I haven't seen her. I've been with Bonnie all morning." Caroline answered.
"Could you try calling her? She had a breakdown last night and I think she might be avoiding me." Stefan explained in a strained voice.
"A breakdown? Why, what happened?"
"It's a lot to go over through the phone, can I come to you and Bonnie?" Stefan asked
"Yeah, it should be fine. We're at Bonnie's house. See you when you get here."
Minutes later Stefan rode up to Bonnie's house, parked on the street and knocked on the door.
"That was fast." Caroline greeted him at the door, inviting him in. His eyes go to a huddled-up Bonnie on the couch, wrapped in a blanket. "I'm just trying to make her feel better." Caroline murmured.
"You are Caroline, just by being here." Bonnie smiled. Caroline reflects a smile back then turns back to Stefan.
"So, what happened with Elena?" Caroline asked with a concerned voice. He delayed for a bit, moving into the seating area and slumped down in the reading chair opposite from Bonnie.
"First thing you guys have to know is, Damon has turned his emotions off." Stefan started. Caroline and Bonnie shared a worried look before coming back to Stefan.
"Why?" Bonnie asked at the same time Caroline asked when.
"He did it on the night he saved us from the council. I'd never seen him like that before. He was talking about leaving Mystic Falls because of the pain he was in." Stefan took a moment of silence before continuing.
"The pain he went through on the night Elena and Alaric died."
"Well, yeah. We we're all upset that day but none of us turned it off." Caroline said with a bit of quip in her voice.
"Yeah, I know. But I didn't realize what my brother went through that night until he expressed his feelings. Elena was a mess when I told her."
"What did Elena say?" Bonnie asked. Shifting herself to the edge of the couch, removing the blanket.
"I told her everything that Damon had told me." He paused to pinch the top of his nose. "He was in so much pain because Elena had chosen me. She was on her way back to me, leaving Damon alone to fight off Alaric. She said she left him alone to die." Stefan took a shallow breath. "And now she blames herself."
There was a stillness in the room. Both Bonnie and Caroline took a moment to see the events of that night from Damon's point of view. The phone call. The heartbreak. Being left alone when they all thought their vampire sire line would die. Fighting to survive against his best friend, who had died in his arms, at the same time realizing Elena was dying too. Both girls had blank expressions on their faces while they went through their thoughts. Caroline eventually talked again.
"So, Damon flipped the switch because of Elena?"
Stefan nodded. "He said switching it off was the only way he could stay."
"That's upsetting." Bonnie lets out, showing some sympathy for Damon.
"Elena was so broken up about it and now I don't know where either of them is." Stefan said, getting up to his feet. "Did you try calling Elena?" He looked at Caroline.
"No, sorry, I completely spaced about that. I'll try her now." Caroline walked to the kitchen counter and retrieved her phone from her bag. She dialed Elena's number, and she answered on the third ring.
"Elena?"
"Hey. Is Bonnie, okay?" She replied. Stefan steps closer, listening to every word.
"She's fine, where are you?" Avoiding the specifics, Elena answered.
"I'm looking for Damon."
"Where? Stefan has been looking for you."
"I asked your mum for help. She gave me a location and I'm almost there." Elena said, completely evading the Stefan part of the equation. He heard and then suddenly realized he forgot to call Liz earlier. Wanting to help Elena was his top priority.
"Seriously, where are you? You shouldn't be going after Damon by yourself. You can't talk sense into someone that has no emotions." Caroline pleaded, her voice becoming more pitched.
"Damon is this way Caroline because of me, I have to be the one to bring him back to us." Elena explained, her voice suddenly changing, expressing more emotion.
"You won't convince him with words, Elena. You'll need our help, and you need to let Stefan know." At the end of her sentence, she passes the phone to Stefan, he holds it to his ear instantly.
"Elena, where are you?" He asked in a stern voice. The line is quiet for a moment and then the call suddenly drops out.
"Did she just hang up on you?" Caroline asked him with a shocked expression on her face. He just nods sadly. "She's seriously off the deep end." Caroline added, shaking her head.
"Her heightened emotions are all over the place right now, she's probably just focusing on the one that hurts the most." Stefan explained, his voice slightly pained.
"Caroline, you should call your mum and ask what she told Elena." Bonnie suggested as she moved off the couch and met them in the kitchen. Without another thought, Caroline called her mum and got the details.
"Where is he, where is Elena going?" Stefan's eyes narrowed to her, his voice serious.
"Richmond." Caroline replied and Stefan's face soured. "She said Elena visited her ninety minutes ago, asking her to track Damon."
"She'd be close to Richmond by now if she left straight afterwards." Bonnie clarified.
"What is she doing!?" Stefan lets out in a breath, sounding upset. "Going after Damon alone isn't going to work." Stefan understood Elena was upset about Damon, but he couldn't get why she was doing it alone, pushing everyone else away.
It had to be the guilt.
"We should go to Richmond and find them." Caroline suggested, already picking up her bag and searching for her car keys.
"You two should go, I need to talk to Jeremy about that hunter." Bonnie said.
Stefan turns to face. "What about Jeremy and the hunter?" He asked.
"Right, I forgot that too." Caroline said. "There's something about the hunter you should know."
Elena hung up her phone and returned to her car. She was only thirty minutes outside of Richmond, but she had to stop for gas. She had been to Richmond quite a few times before, so she wasn't going to completely struggle at finding Damon. She knew him very well and could predict where he would go, but an emotionless Damon would be different. She thought back to how Damon was when he first arrived in Mystic Falls, angry, cold and impulsive. The time she hated him. She shook her head, not wanting to remember him like that. She knew if she wanted to save him, she had to remember him how he was a few months ago. Selfless, kind and always there for her. She convinced herself that the best way to have him follow her back home was to remind him of those times they shared. With a plan in her mind, she got in her car and continued up the highway.
Free of all pain, Damon was in a different city and looking for a good time. He spent his first night pub-crawling around, drinking, enjoying live music and feeding on easy targets mixed in with the crowds. By the next day he had settled in a bar that was crowded by late afternoon that played live metal music until one in the morning.
By the afternoon Elena had made it to Richmond and began her search by driving near the hotspots, looking for a blue Camaro. By the fourth location, Elena spotted Damon's car parked awkwardly against a curb. She parked nearby and started scouting the nearest bars and restaurants. With Elena being young and beautiful she was instantly hit on in the first few bars she visited. At first, she felt uncomfortable and didn't need that kind of attention, but she noted was a vampire now, strong enough to protect herself from any drunk and randy patrons. It was empowering, which gave her the confidence to continue. Twenty minutes of walking and searching later she walked into a new bar. Its harsh lighting made it difficult to see people's faces clearly but at the edge of the bar she saw a dark shiny figure, a man wearing a leather jacket.