Chapter 12 Saving the World is the Best Therapy

"Knuckles, help me tear down this wall." Shadow said, pointing to the thick granite wall of Eggman's rock garden.

"I'm so happy, Shadow." Knuckles said. "I've always felt like there's been a wall between us."

Shadow groaned. "No, this physical wall. I honestly thought the end of the world might turn your brain on."

"I take offense to that!" Knuckles said, towering over him. "If anyone needs to turn their brain on, it's Silver."

He pointed to Tails who was carrying a comatose Silver over his shoulder. Lava was pouring into the garden from lower corridor, and Sonic had placed Tails in charge of Silver, thinking he could best protect him from being reduced to his base elements.

"Just ignore him, Shadow." Amy said. "I'll help."

He kicked a basalt wall while Amy smashed it with her hammer, quite pleased with herself. The wall crumbled, revealing a well-furnished chamber with a wet bar and pool table.

"Wanna play a game, Shadow?" Sonic asked, grabbing a pool cue. "If I win you have to forgive my debt."

Shadow glared at him. "Tails, where are we going?"

He glanced at his communicator. "There should be a sewer tunnel just below us if it's still intact."

"Then use it." He crossed his arms and looked at Sonic. "I hope you can handle that."

"Everything's under control." Sonic said. "We just wanted to see how you were doing."

Shadow started to say that his team was in danger thanks to him when Rouge flew down from a vent in the ceiling.

He stared at her, clenching his teeth. "You better—"

"Before you say anything, Shadow, Mariah is trying to shut down the drill before this whole base goes critical. She wanted me to warn you all."

"Why didn't she just call Tails like she did before?" Shadow screamed. "Rouge, you're smarter than that."

She crossed her arms behind her back. "Oh . . . I didn't think about that."

Shadow grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the air. "You never liked Mariah. You just wanted to leave her at the first chance you had."

Rouge glared at him. "Now listen, Shadow. Maybe I thought she was crazy at first, but I love her now almost as much as I do you because . . . she let me see a part of you I've been wanting for so long—a nice, vulnerable guy who isn't afraid to show his care for others. I-I knew it was there all along, but I couldn't—"

"Forget it." He released her and walked away. "Just get out of here. She wants to martyr herself and save the world. She can't handle the guilt. . . . I'll save her or we'll both die."

Rouge's eyes widened in horror. "No, wait!"

He dashed off, riding a buoyant stone across the stream of lava. Turning to Sonic, she grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Sonic, you have to stop him!"

He frowned and backed away. "Sorry, Rouge, but I've gotta look out for my team."

Rouge started to yell at him when Amy grabbed her hand. "Don't worry, Rouge. Shadow has near-death experiences on a weekly basis. He's perfected them like an art. He'll be fine."

She sighed. "It's not Shadow I'm worried about. If something happens to Mariah, I . . . I don't know what he'll do."

"Knowing his history, try to destroy the planet?" Tails suggested.

"Ugh!" she screamed. "I'm going after him."

She flew down the corridor, dodging rocks and sprays of lava with elegant maneuvers. Sonic thought for a moment, then turned to his companions.

"Come on, guys. As much as I'd like to be the hero, I think we should leave this one to Shadow."

"Thanks for prioritizing our safety over your own ego, Sonic." Tails said.

"What? Oh, I'd never do that. I just don't want to deal with Shadow.

Tails and Knuckles rolled their eyes, but Amy seemed genuinely concerned for the others' safety. Sonic placed his hand on her shoulder.

"If it were you, I wouldn't hesitate, but come on. They'll be alright."

Shadow ran along the walls of a great corridor to avoid the accumulating lava. Despite the lair's imminent destruction, Eggman's robots were still online and pursuing him. Corroded by the lava, they tried to grab him with super-heated hooks and hands. Not wanting to lose his momentum, he destroyed them all with Chaos spears.

"Get out of my way!" he yelled, slicing the doctor's iconic Megabot in half.

Finally, he made it to the central control room where Mariah was standing beneath a green transparent dome—the Chaos shield, he assumed.

"Mariah, take down the shield." he said, slamming his fist against it. "Let's go."

She looked up from the computer and gasped. "Shadow, what are you doing? I told Rouge to get you out of here."

"I'm stopping you from throwing away your life. Take down the shield, now."

"I-I can't. If there's a disruption in the chamber's Chaos energy, it would make the core go critical, setting off a chain reaction that would destroy all life in a thousand-mile radius."

Shadow spin-dashed into the shield with all his might. "You don't know that. You're making that up."

"I am not!" she yelled, her eyes filled with a manic rage. "Just save yourself, Shadow. . . . You haven't done anything wrong. I have to stabilize the core before it—"

"No, you have to listen to me! No one on this planet cares about what you did in some other universe. No one is asking you to give your life for theirs, but I'm asking you to keep living for your own sake and mine. But if you don't want to keep living, then I'll stay right here until the end."

Mariah crouched down and pulled her hair. "No, no, no! You don't understand. It's not about this planet, or me, or even you. It's about all those people I killed. I hear their screams every night, Shadow, and I just want it to stop. . . . You told me I should help others—that it would ease the pain. Well, I am. This is the only way I can atone for what I did."

"Saving the world is enough." Shadow said, clenching his teeth. "Everything else is just self-pity and shame."

He removed his inhibitor rings and slammed into the shield. A fracture ran down its surface, and Mariah fell to the floor. She hit her head on a desk corner, causing blood to trickle down her face. She got up to her knees and began to cry.

"No, it's not enough. There's still so much hatred in my heart. . . . It will never go away, Shadow. I know I'll do something terrible again."

"That's ridiculous." He kicked the shield and the fracture grew. "You're not evil, not in the past, present, or future."

"No, I am!" She was crying hysterically as she scrambled to the controls. "I'm nothing like Maria. I can't save you or help you. I'm just a selfish loser who can't even help herself."

Shadow stared at her and felt a tear fall from his own eyes. "I never asked you to be anyone else, but you did save me. And now I promise I'm going to save you."

"No!" Mariah grabbed a lever and leaned against it. "Leave or I'll launch every missile in this room at you. I'll destroy us both!"

He grimaced and backed away from the shield. It felt like she had hit him.

"Be rational, Mariah." he said, raising his hands.

"I stopped being rational fifteen years ago when they killed Umbra . . . when they killed you. Goodbye, Shadow. I'm so happy I met you. I'm so happy you tried to help a crazy girl like me."

She pulled the lever and rows upon rows of missile tubes opened behind Shadow. He hesitated, unable to take his eyes off Mariah's tear-stained face. Is she really going to kill us both?

Then, he remembered the shield. From the cracks, he felt a spark of Chaos energy. Was it enough? He heard the missiles whistling through the air. He closed his eyes.

"Chaos control!"

When Shadow opened his eyes, he saw a missile frozen in mid-explosion right in front of him. Jumping into the air, he hit each one in rapid succession and braced himself against the ceiling. With all the power he could muster, he launched himself against the shield one last time. Green, crystalline energy filled his vision followed by a series of rapid explosions. He felt Mariah wrap her arms around his neck before the volcano erupted and he was consumed by a searing white light.

Shadow awoke in darkness. His body felt weak. Something was on top of him—something heavy and cold. It was not Mariah. He heard some muffled screaming. Someone was shouting his name.

Light broke through as someone lifted a boulder off of him. It was Knuckles.

"Hey, guys!" he shouted. "I found this black hedgehog who looks like Sonic."

"Shadow!" Rouge lifted him off the ground and embraced him. "I was going back for you, but I knew you'd make it."

He was shocked at how terrible she looked. Some of the fur on her head was singed off and her legs were bandaged. Her makeup was ruined from sweat and tears. Being so used to her perfect appearance, it was really quite disturbing for him.

"Where is she?" It was all Shadow said and all he had the energy to say.

He let go of Rouge and wandered around, searching for Mariah. Most of the mountain had been leveled. The volcano was little more than a pile of stone, ash, and steel. She could be anywhere underneath it all.

"How could we get separated. . . . She was right there."

Rouge ran up to him and grabbed his hand. "Shadow, where are your rings? No wonder you're exhausted."

"Let go." he said and limped away. "Mariah!"

No response. He threw aside a pile of metal plating to no avail.

"Where's Silver? He can pull her out?"

"He's been searching for hours." Rouge touched his back. "We all have. Just sit down. You really need your rings."

"I'll find her. She must have landed close to me. I can't lose her again. . . . I can't."

"It's okay, Shadow." Rouge hugged him again. "We'll find her. Don't worry."

"I tried to teleport us to safety, but the Chaos energy was unstable. Maybe it sent her somewhere else."

Sonic, Tails, and Amy ran up to them and surrounded Shadow.

"See?" Sonic said. "I told you he'd be fine."

"You did it, Shadow!" Tails exclaimed. "You shut off the drill and somehow contained the explosion to this island."

Shadow ignored them and walked away. "That was all Mariah—the drill, the missiles."

"Missiles?" Tails rubbed his chin. "Did she try to prematurely detonate the energy chambers?"

"Sure."

Trying to focus on helping Shadow, Amy knocked away some giant stones with her hammer. "Hey, guys! I found something."

Shadow warped to her and knelt in the dust. It was Mariah's red ribbon that she wore in memory of Umbra. He looked away from Amy as his eyes warmed with tears.

"No way!" Sonic shouted in the distance. "Is that a pool table?"

Shadow warped to him next. There was indeed a fully intact pool table embedded in the earth. He threw aside the table and gasped. Mariah was sunk into the dirt, her body mangled and bloody, but she was still breathing.

Shadow cradled her head and checked her pulse. "She's alive . . . somehow." He smiled and exhaled deeply. "Rouge, she's alive!"

She landed next to him and smiled. "I told you we'd find her."

Shadow lifted up her body in his arms. She was at least a head taller than he remembered Maria being. It made her awkward to carry.

"Shadow?" Mariah murmured. "Is that the sun? Thought . . . I'd never see it again."

"It's still there." He smiled stiffly. "We're all still here because of you. You saved the world, just like you wanted."

"I did?" She smiled and blinked away her tears. "Doesn't feel like I did much of anything except try to blow you up."

"No, you saved us all." He was almost yelling. "You're a strong person, Mariah, and I'm proud of you."

Shadow had no idea how to comfort her. His words felt awkward and stiff, but he meant every syllable.

"Then it was all worth it." She tried to touch his face but couldn't find the strength. "The pain, the guilt, it's all gone. If only I could sleep, everything would be perfect."

He gasped and shook her slightly. "Don't you dare close your eyes. I won't lose you. . . . Not again. . . . I can't."

"Don't cry, Shadow." Her hand finally reached his face. "This was the only way I could make things right. . . . It's like . . . I'm seeing this world for the first time. It's so beautiful" She smiled. "I think this is how your friend would have seen it."

Shadow could not believe it. Mariah was dying, but there wasn't a single tear in her eyes. A tidal wave of repressed memories washed over him, and he saw Maria's purity in her face. She had looked exactly the same in her final moments."

"Don't give in." he said. "I'll get your medicine. Maybe that—"

"No, I'm too weak to handle it now, but it's fine."

"None of this is fine!" He buried his face in her hair. "You're leaving me again."

"I guess I am." she whispered. "I'm sorry, Shadow. . . . That dance we had. . . . I was so happy. . . . I love you and . . . I love this world. The light, the air, the heat. . . . What a beautiful thing—just to be alive."

Mariah closed her eyes, reclined her head, and fell asleep forever. Shadow stared at her, wondering how any of this could be real. He grabbed at the dirt and let it sift through his fingers.

"Fool!" He sobbed. "We're all fools. . . . Maria, this world . . . it's nothing like you thought . . . vile . . . hopeless."

He stood up and turned away from Mariah's body. Everyone was staring at him with pale faces and wide eyes, except for Rouge who covered her face with her arms as though she had seen something horrifying. A stream of tears dissolved her makeup. Shadow had thought her incapable of such emotions.

Amy stepped forward and held out a shaky hand. "Oh, Shadow—"

He swatted her hand away and she grimaced. Sonic pulled her back and hugged her from behind. Shadow wanted to say something to Rouge, but his mind was blank.

"Don't follow me, Sonic."

He dashed through the shattered remains of the island as his equally fractured memories returned: locking hands with Maria and running at her side, Maria with her hands on the lever, his promise, Mariah with her hands on the lever, her threats, her self-loathing and manic desire to right her wrongs, even if it meant self-destruction.

Why? Why did you torture yourself? Why did you kill yourself? Now nothing's right. No one on this planet cared about you or what you did. I'm the only one who cared about you, and you ripped me apart like an animal.

Almost by instinct, Shadow stumbled through the door of his old café. It was empty—dull and lifeless. He sat at a table and propped his feet up. Placing an elbow on his knee, he covered half his face with his hand. Suddenly, a stasis pod didn't seem so bad. At least then he wouldn't feel anything.

I tried to help you, and you left me with all this pain. One day, they'll all leave me. I'll be alone, wandering a dark world, aimless and empty.

Hours passed like this—his mind a storm of anger, hatred, and fear. His ears caught the sound of the creaking floorboards and the soft dripping of water. He glanced at the door and saw Rouge, hunched over and gasping, as she wiped her rain-soaked fur on her gloves.

"Sh-Shadow?"

A flash of lightning illuminated her form, but she stood still, watching him warily as though he were some dangerous animal.

"My mind is sick, Rouge." he said, staring ahead at nothing. "This world . . . I hate it. It keeps taking everything from me. I'd be better off alone with nothing to take."

Rouge set his inhibitor rings on the table and stared down at him. She looked like she could barely stand.

"I'm so sorry, Shadow." Her voice was weak and broken. "I won't leave you."

"You will . . . some day."

Rouge winced as if he had hit her. Slowly, she embraced his neck, pulling him out of his chair as her strength returned.

"It'll be okay, Shadow." She sobbed. "It'll be okay."

It sounded like she was trying to convince herself more so than him.

"Nothing's okay." He sighed and put one hand on her back. "Sit down. You can hardly walk."

"You're right. Everything's horrible." She wrapped her wings around him as well, pulling him into a tighter embrace. "Everything's falling apart, but we'll put it back together . . . one piece at a time. I'll make it better, I swear, even if I have to hold onto you for the rest of my life."

He was ashamed for Rouge to weep over him, but it did bring him some comfort knowing she was just as miserable and broken as him, like they were two halves of the same person.

"And what happens when this world takes you as well?"

She fell silent for a moment. "I don't know. Maybe by then, we'll be strong enough to bear it."

He shook his head. "When you're gone, I won't be strong enough to do anything."

Rouge put her forehead against his and tried to smile. "As long as you remember us, we're never really gone. We'll always be a part of you."

"How can you know that?"

She placed her hand on his chest and rubbed his fur. "I don't. I just feel it in here."

He smiled and blinked away his tears. "Yeah, I feel it too. I could never forget you, but just to be sure, I better make some memories."

Her eyes grew weak and vulnerable. "Please, Shadow, share the burden. . . . Share everything."

Slowly, he kissed her for what felt like hours as he let the dull pleasure numb his mind. Rouge fell asleep in his arms and he looked down at the top of her head, her ears drooping with exhaustion. He listened to her deep, heavy breaths and smiled.

"Thanks, Rouge. The memories will be enough . . . I promise."

END