Hide laid in bed with an arm thrown over his eyes, unable to sleep, listening to the soft pitter-patter of rain outside.
Nagachika's apartment, his apartment, was empty. It was easy to forget during the day, when he had to clean and do laundry, go shopping, or when he was counting out his money for bills.
Or even just lurking in that stupid group chat.
It was much harder to forget that insidious quiet at night. He'd left the stickers on the couch, the pictures on the fridge, but it didn't really help lessen the emptiness.
The insidious loneliness.
He let out a long breath, sat up, and tossed the covers off himself. He found a relatively clean pair of pants in his laundry basket and pulled them on, then scooped up his phone and dialed a number, putting it on speaker as he listened to it ring.
On the third ring, Ken picked up but stayed silent.
Judgmentally, why are you calling me at 3 a.m., silent.
"Yo, Ken, you're awake. Mind if I come over?" Hide asked, trying and failing to sound normal.
He heard shuffling, then a long sigh. "No, but..." Ken trailed off. "Bring coffee."
He hung up and Hide pulled on a shirt.
Hide almost stumbled when he was clapped on the back. Almost, because he put all his concentration into not dropping the plate in his hand.
"Your name is Hide, right? Word on the street is that you took on a dove by yourself and made them run off with their tail between their legs," a familiar regular said, sitting back down as Hide slid a blood-dosed coffee onto the table next to a book.
"What's your secret?" he asked.
Hide rubbed the back of his head, feigning awkwardness. "Yeah, sorry," he said with a helpless shrug. "But that's not what really happened. It was Touka who—"
"Come on, newbie! Don't be shy!" another customer called to him, swiveling in his seat. He leaned an arm on the table as he leaned forward. "How do you think everyone here knows what you did—" he pointed at himself. "—it was me! I was there, looking for a little snack, and I watched you kick his ass!"
Hide thought he might be homeless. He wasn't a small guy, but his clothes still looked too big, baggy and dirty and hanging from him.
"Aha, well..."
"Come on, come on, leave the kid alone," Enji said as he strolled up behind him. "I mean, it was just his first fight against a dove, and not only did he survive, but he came back unharmed."
Hide froze, suddenly a statue beside him, and Enji threw an arm around his shoulders, happily yanking his stiff body close.
"What was that dove again? Wasn't he a First Class?" Enji asked him.
Hide subtly dug his elbow hard into his stomach. Enji, still smiling, didn't react. "I didn't exactly ask for his name," he lied dryly. "And that part about me not being hurt isn't true—"
"Own it, kid! It's something to be proud of!" the homeless ghoul said.
"Where'd you find him, Koma?" the regular asked playfully, picking up his newspaper.
"That was all the manager. I'm just the one who trained him," Enji beamed, rubbing his chin as if impressed with himself.
"Yeah, I don't what I'd do without the knowledge of how to work the dishwasher," he sniped at him.
"But it's not about me," Enji bulldozed on. "The kid's the star here."
Hide felt very tired. On the outside, he sighed helplessly and shrugged. "I was just doing my part."
Being his acting supervisor, he wondered if Enji would accept it if he quit on the spot.
Hide had his doubts.
.
.
.
Hide paused in front of the bathroom door when he heard vomiting, but took one glance back towards the front of the cafe, where the trickle of ghouls coming in to congratulate him hadn't let up, and opened the door.
Touka was crumpled on the floor in front of the toilet, wearing her uniform.
"Get out!" she immediately shouted, looking at him with wide, startled eyes.
Instead, Hide closed the door slid down against it. He tilted his head back in relief and closed his eyes.
"You got a hearing problem, half-ass?" she asked harshly, an arm around her stomach. "Are you really this much of a pervert?"
"Nah, I just heard the noises you were making and knew you weren't on the toilet," he answered. "And, you didn't lock the door."
It helped somewhat that he knew why she was in this state.
Yoriko must've stopped by her place sometime in the last few days with her cooking. But Touka was still keeping Yoriko a secret, so he decided to complain instead.
"And I'm being tortured. There was a guy this morning, this regular, who hated me for forgetting to dose his coffee once. But earlier he patted me on the back," he said, looking to the side. "So what if I beat some First Class? Doesn't change what led up to it. I don't want to be praised for it."
Touka paused, then sighed tiredly. "This is how we survive. If we don't focus on the good, what's left?"
Hide blinked slowly at her and didn't say that if it was her being praised for Mado, she'd see his side. But that was cruel.
Sure, he let Amon live, but it wasn't because of what anyone thought. It wasn't that he was so strong that he could make the choice to not kill him and not regret it, or because he was soft, or some sense of messed up irony.
It was really because he was selfish.
You'll owe me, Amon, you just don't know it yet.
Amon was the only investigator he could count on to spare him in the future, if only just once, to repay what he owed.
And if things happened like he dreaded they would, yeah, he'd need at least one get-out-of-jail free card.
He was not a hero. He was just afraid.
"Half-ass, you might hate me for asking this, but... was it really that easy for you?"
"Ha?" he asked, blinking rapidly, having not heard her at all.
"That dove," she said, looking away from him. "The guy who said he watched you was pretty loud earlier, you know? Was it easy for you to take him on?"
Hide thought about lying. "Yeah, it was," he said instead, tangling a hand in his hair.
He needed some assistant to work for him and be willing to be paid in IOU's, because he never remembered to get his hair cut until he was messing with it—
Touka made a little muffled sound, and he realized she was laughing. "I thought you were the crazy one for wanting to turn into a kakuja," she gasped, her shoulders shaking. "I just thought you were just too stupid or broken to understand. Too human. But I didn't understand a damn thing."
She suddenly slammed her fist against the seat, sniffing wetly as she laughed quietly at herself. "I'm here because I've been eating human food," she said miserably. "I just wanted to keep it down. Show my appreciation to—doesn't matter who. Even though it already came back to bite me in the ass. Hina needed me to be strong, and I wasn't. I fucking wasn't. That dove never should've been able to catch me. I know I'm faster than that piss-poor showing I put on. And because I'm such an idiot, Hina had to—she had to—" she stopped, covering her eyes.
"Touka—"
"No," she hissed, rounding on him. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that you would've been just as strong without all the meat you've been eating."
He could've. It wouldn't have even been a full lie because half the meat she thought he ate went to Nishiki. But he didn't say anything at all.
She shook her head at herself and faced the toilet. "Tell me that all the ghoul meat you ate had nothing to do with it."
A lie would only work if she didn't already know how powerful ghouls who cannibalized other ghouls could get.
"Yeah, thought so," she muttered, pressing a hand to her forehead.
Hide only looked at her.
Looked at what he'd done. No, he'd never meant to make Touka doubt herself, and no, it had never crossed his mind that he was some kind of influence on her, but the result was still the same.
He hadn't explained his intent for... this.
He wanted to get up and leave.
The threat of praise kept him seated.
She banged her fist on the seat again. "I should've protected her better. She should've never had to kill anyone. Not this early. Damn, damn, damn!"
The seat cracked underneath her fist and she hung her head, breathing hard.
Hide looked away again. He didn't know how to comfort her. This was why he lied. Most of the time it was gentler than the truth.
Uncomfortably, he said, "I've been seeing Rize."
The silence after was loud.
He didn't want to tell anyone, but it was all he could think think to say. The only way left for him to lie convincingly was to tell a little of the truth.
"It's my problem to deal with but," he shrugged, holding the back of his neck. "I've been hallucinating her since I ate ghoul meat for the first time. I can't say you're wrong, because you're not, but when you said it was dangerous, you were right."
It was true that Rize didn't start showing up until after that happened, but Ken Kaneki had started seeing Rize before he ever ate anyone.
Hide still didn't know if he'd manifested her from his memories, or if it really was some connection between her real body and the organ that had been stitched into him, but he didn't think one or two bites of ghoul meat would be enough for him to slip.
It would take body after body after body for that.
Touka turned fully towards him, wide-eyed, still holding her stomach. "You've been seeing Kamishiro?"
"Yeah," he said nonchalantly. "She's been showing up more lately but—"
"Why didn't you tell anyone?" she asked loudly over him, looking suddenly pale.
"You and I both know the old man wouldn't agree with what I want to do, and a lecture won't make me stop," he answered. "But I knew the danger from the start. What I'm asking is, are you willing to throw away Touka Kirishima for a little power? Hallucinations are usually just the first step to something worse."
Touka opened her mouth to answer, then stopped, leaning back. She wasn't, which was answer enough.
"Think about it," Hide said, getting up. "Believe it or not, Touka, I know more about this than you do. It's not a road that other people can follow you down to save you. It's a one-way street. There's a reason I didn't ask you to save me."
"Half-ass... One day you're going to tell me how you know what you know, even if I have to beat it out of you," she said.
Hide blinked, and then he rubbed the back of his head. "Ha. Maybe one day I'll tell you so you don't have to," he said back. "I'm going to try and sneak upstairs."
Enji woud make him work overtime some other day, but it'd be worth it. He'd be old news soon.
"Wait," Touka called as he grabbed the handle, leaning towards him. "What price is too much for you? You—what won't you do for power?"
"When I think of it, you'll be the first to know," Hide said, only half-joking, turning just enough to give her a peace sign.
Touka leaned back again, looking unsettled.
"The Devil Ape is gonna be pissed at us," Hide said to clear the awkward air, moving to put his hands in his pockets, only to remember that his uniform didn't have them.
"Oh he can piss off," Touka spat, the tension bleeding from her shoulders. "With all the shifts I've covered for his lazy ass, he can take one alone without complaining."
Hide only laughed as he left the bathroom.
Hide hit the wall hard and back-first, coughing hard, wiping spit from his mouth, leaning his arm on it to keep himself from collapsing completely.
Touka still with her foot raised, stared at him with narrowing eyes.
They were beneath Anteiku, in a wide-open, circular room with tunnels all around, escape routes that would fail if, when, Anteiku went under.
But he didn't want to think about that.
Hide wrapped his other arm around his middle and asked, "How many times—" he coughed. "—have you kicked me since we met? I'm starting to lose count."
Touka tsk'ed at him and lowered her foot. " You have a point," she said, black overtaking the whites in her eyes. "Maybe I should try harder."
He watched one orange-red wing flare out behind her, growing until she was covered in its shadow, and then, between blinks, she was in front of Hide, the crystallized tip stabbing through his shoulder like it was paper and cracking the wall behind him.
Hide jerked, an automatic response to try and get away from the pain, but it only made it radiate down his arm. He grasped at the wing uselessly, making unintelligible sounds as he forced himself to stay still, but he still couldn't summon his kagune.
Touka grabbed a handful of his hair and ignored the protesting noises he made at her as she lifted his head, peering into his scrunched up, sweaty face.
Her eyes widened when he opened his eyes and they were still human. "I don't get it," she said, clicking her tongue. She leaned closer, giving him a good look at her confusion. "Why isn't it working?"
"Ow," he grunted, shakily managing to rise to his full height, forcing her to raise her hand to keep a hold on his hair. "I told you. I have to feel like you'll really kill me."
Touka said she could do it, but all she was doing was making Hide wish he'd never cashed in his favor.
Touka pulled her wing out of him. Then she swept his feet out from under him and stepped out of the way as he collapsed on his face. "You're seriously a pain, you know that? If I break both of your arms you'll just keep looking at me with those damn eyes, won't you—?"
"I'll do it," Yomo said.
Hide raised head, catching the end of Touka's quick turn. She hadn't heard Yomo come down either. He was standing in the middle of the room like he'd been there the whole time.
"Yo," Hide greeted weakly, blood gushing through the fingers he was using to hold his shoulder.
Touka put a hand on her hip, her wing dissipating into red mist. "How long were you eavesdropping on us?"
Yomo's eyes flicked briefly to her. "Not long, but we need to talk about your eating habits as of late."
Touka immediately turned her back to him and Hide caught the frustration in her expression. "There's nothing to talk about, but fine," she was saying, moving away from Hide. "He's all yours."
"Ah, Yomo," he started to say, "Did you know that I've always admired you the most—"
Touka scoffed, but it was the ghoul suddenly standing over him that made him shut up. Black, claw-like wings ripped out of his back, unfolding behind him like the wings of a dragon. They were made up of metal-looking scales that seemed to shimmer with sparks of purple electricity.
Hide sloppily rolled out of the way as the tip of a wing pierced the concrete, and realized too late that Yomo had done it on purpose, only as the other wing swept down and cradled him like a deadly blanket, squeezing his body painfully as it lifted him kicking into the air above Yomo.
He felt his bones being forced to bend, the tickle of electricity against his skin, and stared into the cold, empty eyes of the ghoul holding him in the air.
"I'm not like Touka," Yomo told him, his expression unaffected when Hide cried out as he was squeezed. "Do you really believe I won't kill you?"
Hide couldn't answer as the wing tightened even more, crushing the breath out of him. He squeezed his eyes shut, still kicking his legs.
Come on, he thought hysterically, but nothing answered him.
Yomo, Hide knew, didn't kill when he could avoid it. He was as much The Raven anymore as Hide was a natural ghoul. Hide grit his teeth as he was crushed more, but all he could think about was the vow Yomo swore with the old man, to be a pacifist.
And then a hand burst through his chest.
Shock made his eyes bulge as they snapped open, as the hand tore out of his back with a splatter of blood and viscera.
His vision went red and hazy with pain and his stomach clenched. Hide immediately threw up on himself, out of his control.
Hide heard himself scream.
Yomo didn't seem to care that he'd had to punch a hole through his own wing to do it.
His fingers dripped red onto the concrete.
Touka leaned away, watching through her fingers.
"There's another way to get ghouls to bring out their kagune when they can't be trained," Yomo told him, looking into his eyes. "And it's to break them."
Yomo pulled his hand back to strike him again, and Hide tried to twist away in sudden fear—
"It's a good warm-up for Jason, huh?"
His eyes latched onto her, drawn to her silky, lightly teasing voice, and it felt like that moment in the alley with Nishiki when time seemed to stop.
Rize was leaning back on the wall right next to him, her hands held together in front of her, staring straight ahead instead of at him.
"Well? Am I wrong?"
His future, strapped to a chair as his finger and toenails were ripped off, over and over and over—
He was screaming again, because he didn't want to think about it. He couldn't stop thinking about it.
He clawed at the adrenaline-like sensation, digging his hands into the dirt of his blood until he could feel it, like yanking a wriggling worm out of the ground.
Like squeezing out the life from a foreign organ that didn't match his blood type.
The second of frozen time passed, and as the red haze started to fade, Hide saw a red tail wrapped tightly down Yomo's arm.
He hadn't actually moved his head to look at Rize.
And Yomo's arm was motionless in front of his chest, not because Hide had stopped him, but because he never made contact again in the first place.
Hide could hear his own harsh, gasping breaths, extremely loud in his ears.
The dragon wing had a hole where Hide had frantically pierced through it.
Yomo reached up and grasped his chin, turning his head to get a better look at his eye, and Hide reacted before he could think.
Another hole burst through the wing, splattering Yomo's white shirt with more kagune blood. But he only moved his arm in the way, lightning-fast, indifferently letting it be impaled while he kept inspecting his face.
Hide's eyes widened. It was different, directly seeing the chasm of power between them. He hadn't meant to, but he'd been aiming for his chest.
"I get it now," Yomo said to himself, moving his snared arm closer to his impaled one with an easy strength that made Hide grimace at the strain in his lower back.
He was too on edge to loosen his kagune, but Yomo simply ripped the tail point out of his arm and held it still as he just as easily forced his other tail to unwrap itself.
"He needs to be trained like a human," Yomo told Touka, turning towards her.
Touka paused, re-crossing her arms. "Like a...?"
Yomo put him down, and he sagged, struggling to strengthen that feeling so he could heal, but it was like grasping at sand, so he just let it go. He abruptly felt weaker, sliding down against the wall as his legs refused to hold him.
He tilted his head back, because the sight of his chest made him deeply nauseous.
"Once he recovers, get him clean clothes and have him do laps until his kakugan shows itself. And it will, once he's pushed far enough to where his body can only rely on RC Cells to keep going," Yomo instructed. "Any extreme exercise will do. He likely won't manifest his kagune again, but once he's able to activate his kakugan at will, only then can you start training him like a ghoul."
Touka eyed him, annoyed looking. "Seriously, half-ass?"
A half-formed comeback sat on the tip of Hide's tongue. He tipped to the side and passed out.
.
.
.
"I think," he huffed, "If I do another lap, I'll die."
His hands were on his knees. He watched and felt sweat drip steadily from his chin and nose.
Touka sat in the middle of the room with a clip holding her bangs back, chewing on the end of a pencil, reading a guidebook.
One Hide recognized.
How could he not? It was from his university. The entrance exam was in a month, and Hide, somehow, would be a sophomore.
It didn't matter much that Hide had never so much as glanced at his final scores since he finished his exams weeks ago. Ken had taken the liberty to sign him up for classes himself.
Would Hide have signed up for classes himself?
No, but the point of Ken being a stubborn mule remained.
"Touka," he called, "Seriously, I'm done."
"You don't sound very done if you can still talk," she muttered, but looked up at him. "Is your kakugan still active?"
"How am I supposed to know?"
Touka looked unamused. "You said it was a feeling, didn't you? Like something in your body that didn't belong there? Half-ass."
"I stopped feeling anything five laps ago."
Touka sighed loudly, but pushed herself up. She moved closer and bent down, pushing up his bangs to peer into his face.
"Yeah, it's still active," she said, stepping back. She put her hands on her hips. "Now deactivate it while you're running."
"Wha...?"
"You heard me, half-ass. Run, and don't stop until you're absolutely sure your kakugan is gone. If you interrupt me and it's still there, I'm kicking your ass. And you'll still have to run after."
Hide hung his head. "I'm going to die," he said to himself. "I'm seriously going to die because my coworker hates me."
"Supervisor," she corrected. He glanced up at her, seeing a hint of a smile.
"You're a sadist."
"What's that? Can't hear you over the sound of you not getting a move on," she responded, cupping a hand around her ear.
"Sadist," he spat, but forced himself to straighten and stumble into a painful jog, because Touka really would kick his ass if he whined for too long.
Breathing out of his nose wasn't enough, so he sucked in air through his mouth, circling the area while Touka studied in the middle and Nagachika read over her shoulder.
All he needed to do was force his RC Cells to stop circulating, as easily as a human could control their adrenaline mid-marathon.
He was going to die.
He stopped on the sidewalk beside a dimly lit sign, looking at it, despite knowing what it said.
Commission of Counter Ghoul Nerima Branch Office.
It was the one building that he should be doing everything he could to avoid, but it happened to be the only place he knew he could reliably find Juuzou, or find someone who knew where he was.
He looked at the front of the building, some sense of self-preservation making him hesitate to go in.
The branch office never completely closed, so it was still brightly lit despite it being after midnight.
Hide had already been sleeping very little, but after that training session that Yomo joined, his head had been full of Jason.
It was all he could think about when he was alone. All because Rize was a lunatic who enjoyed his suffering.
Hide kept looking at the building, scuffing his sneakers on the sidewalk.
Ken had finally passed out after staying up for thirty-eight hours straight, in no small part because of Hide popping in in the middle of the night. Ken had spent the last week making a serious effort to plot out his novel, and Hide had acted as living soundboards for him to bounce ideas off of while Hina answered his questions about ghouls in exchange for harder books, so, worth it?
(Hina wasn't sleeping much either)
Hide looked at the sign again.
It was a bad idea to go in and potentially be recognized, but it was an equally terrible idea to linger until he was caught hanging around outside.
̶"̶Y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶l̶u̶c̶k̶y̶ ̶R̶i̶z̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶W̶a̶s̶h̶u̶u̶,̶ ̶d̶u̶d̶e̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said, sitting on a bench with his elbows on his knees and his chin propped on his palm. " ̶I̶ ̶m̶e̶a̶n̶,̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶h̶a̶n̶d̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶h̶a̶l̶f̶-̶g̶h̶o̶u̶l̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶n̶'̶t̶—̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶,̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶m̶i̶n̶d̶.̶"̶
Hide didn't feel like being caught on camera talking to himself either.
He slapped his hands against his cheeks to wake himself up. All it did was hurt, but with a confidence he didn't feel, he strolled up to the building and walked right in.
He walked up the receptionist desk, wondering if there were bags under his eyes. He thought again that he shouldn't have come, but he'd been unwilling to wake up Ken, and Hina had passed out with a book on her face.
He wasn't that selfish.
"...do you have something you'd like to report, sir?"
Right.
Hide leaned on the desk. "Ah, no. Actually, I'm looking for someone. Investigator Juuzou, or if he's not available, Investigator Shinohara."
She paused, her eyes flicking down to a cream watch around her wrist to confirm the time. "Is it an emergency or about a specific case? Because non-emergency hours are posted outside—"
"It's about a case," he lied instantly, sloppily. "I'm not supposed to talk about it, but I have some information for them. The name's Hide Nagachika."
She looked deeply skeptical, looking at him over her glasses. "Before I contact them, please walk through the gate, Mr. Nagachika."
Hide shrugged and did.
She seemed to hold in a sigh as he strolled back to the desk. "...please have a seat in the waiting area, Mr. Nagachika."
"Sure," Hide said, ignoring the long-suffering tone of someone who'd worked in customer-service too long.
He plopped down on a couch as she picked up the phone, looking at his slightly shaking hands.
If he kept his head down and used his third strike to do what he wanted to originally and get fired before anything happened at the cafe, could he avoid—
"Tell me, what did Ken Kaneki do to invite his own suffering?"
Hide dropped his head between his legs, grasping at his hair instead of looking at her.
"Absolutely nothing," she answered herself, her voice flat. "A chess piece moves based on the whims of the game master, and you're the most important piece of all. If you refuse to upend the board, the game will come to you. You can't really think you can just wave goodbye and avoid playing, do you?"
"What am I supposed to do?" he asked in quiet frustration, digging his fingers in his skull. How was he supposed to stop Jason? Ask him nicely to ignore that he smelled like Rize?
Being stronger than an Amon fresh out of the Academy didn't make him equal to people like Tsukiyama.
Rize isn't real, he thought to himself.
If Kano really did have 'benefactors' outside Japan, how could he stop him? Take him by the shoulder and tell him that what he was doing was wrong?
"No matter what excuses you make to yourself, you know exactly how much potential you have. What a shame that you've chosen to waste it."
Too much of it, like the potential to turn into a dragon.
Hide trembled, practically ripping out his hair from how tightly he was holding it.
She isn't real, she isn't real—
"Hey, are you okay? Do you need help with anything?"
His head jerked up at the familiar voice, and he found himself locking eyes with Amon. His eyes widened.
Was he hallucinating—no, Amon had dark, deep bags under his eyes, and he looked unhealthily pale.
When was Mado's funeral? Three, four days ago?
Hide's eyes snapped to the movement behind him, watching Seidou Takizawa raise his arms above his head, yawning loudly.
"Are you alright? Did something happen?" Amon asked again, a concerned crease appearing between his eyebrows.
"Come on," Takizawa complained, yawning again. "I spent all day playing catch up. Neither of us are in any condition to help him. Let someone else do it."
Hide averted his eyes.
Civilians wouldn't know what he was talking about, and it would be rude of Hide to question him about something that wasn't any of his business, so, to Takizawa, saying he was playing catch up wasn't an information leak.
To Hide, it told him a few things.
Takizawa and his superior had only just gotten here as reinforcements, and they'd already been assigned a case. But which one? The binge eater case, the gourmet case, or the daughter case?
His hands were still shaking.
Hide squeezed his wrist with his other hand and meet Amon's increasingly concerned stare. "Yeah. Well, no, I'm not fine, but it isn't because of an attack or anything. I'm reporting a tip. I found this weird mask on the ground after I got off my shift and, I don't know, should I have gone to the police?"
"Oh," Amon said, disappointed. "No, you... you came to the right place. I apologize for bothering you."
"Oh, it's no problem."
Amon loosened his death grip on his briefcase, already turning away before he finished. Just as Hide glanced at Takizawa again, Amon stopped.
"Where's the mask?"
"Huh?"
"The mask," Amon said, looking back over his shoulder at him, his eyebrows pulled together. "You said you came to report a suspicious mask."
Hide blinked and without hesitation said, "Some other investigator already came down and took it. Some big guy with broad shoulders and his hair shaved down. He wanted to know more about the area I found it in and told me to wait. I think his name was Bara?"
"Hara," Amon corrected him. "Shinohara?"
"I'm just going to go home," Takizawa said before he could respond, standing limply and rubbing his eyes.
"No, I'm coming," Amon said, turning away and taking his heavy stare with him.
Hide glanced discreetly at the receptionist's desk, more than a little relieved when he saw it was empty, that she'd had to physically go get who he'd asked for.
Because it was so late, a landline ringing would disturb all the offices neighboring the one with the phone.
He hadn't been able to look, but if she'd been there to overhear any of what he said, his story to Amon wouldn't have matched the one he told her.
And then, well, he'd really have to lie his ass off.
"You're sure this bar of yours is still open?" Takizawa asked skeptically as Amon rejoined him.
"Yeah. It's a seedy place. But we're not the police, so," Amon said with a slight shrug, drooping, sounding exhausted. "It's the kind of place unsavory people spend their time at."
Hide looked away again.
Touka had it in her to feel guilt over what happened, and maybe that made her more human than him, that she could feel bad about someone like Mado.
Hide couldn't help sneaking another glance at Takizawa's back.
"So, that's the future Owl," Rize said, leaning around him to look, a small, amused smile on her face. "He doesn't look like much, but looks can be so, so, deceiving."
The only way to erase Takizawa's future would be for Hide to somehow convince him to quit the CCG, to throw away all the time he spent in the Academy and all his ambitions, because a rambling lunatic who says he can see the future told him to.
"It's just you and me, you can admit it," Rize said smoothly, leaning her chin on her palm. "You're scared, procrastinator. Scared of the unknown. If Amon becomes the Owl instead—would that be better or worse?"
His fingers dug into his wrist and he ignored her. He averted his eyes and didn't look again until they were gone.
̶"̶A̶n̶y̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶e̶l̶s̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶t̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶e̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶s̶e̶ ̶t̶w̶o̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶i̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶s̶i̶g̶n̶a̶l̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶e̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said, walking around into his field of vision, his hands behind his head. He turned to look up at the offices. ̶"̶W̶h̶o̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶s̶?̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶W̶h̶i̶t̶e̶ ̶R̶e̶a̶p̶e̶r̶ ̶m̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶e̶a̶r̶l̶y̶.̶"̶
Hide leaned forward, dropping his head in his hands as he quietly said, "You're not helping."
̶"̶I̶'̶m̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶s̶a̶y̶i̶n̶g̶—̶"̶ Nagachika paused, really looking at him. ̶"̶W̶a̶i̶t̶,̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶R̶i̶z̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶e̶?̶"̶
Hide wanted to ask him if he hadn't heard him talking to himself, but Nagachika hadn't been within earshot. Hide didn't know where he was half the time.
"You should really look into sleeping pills," Nagachika suggested when he didn't answer. "I don't know if they'd work on you, but she only seems to show up when you're stressed out, or when you're not sleeping. Or both."
Hide… would need a prescription for that, right? Even if he didn't, he didn't trust his subconscious to be nice to him and not give him nightmares.
He let out a long breath.
A second later, he heard a deep sigh in front of him.
Hide took just a moment to get his act together before hopping up. "Yo, Shinohara," he greeted happily, shooting the older man a half-smile. "Long time no see!"
Shinohara was pinching the bridge of his nose. "Do you know what time it is—no, nevermind, don't answer that. What can I do for you, Hide?"
"I'm looking for Juuzou. Do you know where he is?"
Shinohara put a hand on his hip and kept pinching his nose. "Hide, the branch office isn't for house calls. This isn't your college, where you can wait for your friend outside their classroom so you can leave together," he said, trying desperately to make him understand.
Hide blinked slowly. "I don't have his number."
"Did you hear anything I just said?"
"I... don't know where he lives either, Shinohara. I've got nowhere else to wait for him. Does he sleep here?"
"He does," Shinohara said with deep disapproval.
"He doesn't have his own place?"
"He does," Shinohara said, as long-suffering as the receptionist.
"I see," Hide said, who did not see at all. "So, I saw a new face here ealier. It's weird. I thought the 20th was safe? Why's there more investigators?"
Shinohara paused. "How can you be so sure they were an investigator? This branch seems to have a revolving door of staff. Not everyone has the stomach for what we do. Maybe they were one of them?"
"But I thought only investigators carry briefcases," Hide pointed out, though Takizawa hadn't been carrying one.
Shinohara paused again, and seemed to guess at who he was talking about. He probably thought he meant Amon. Even Shinohara hadn't come down with his, but Amon's trauma was fresher.
Shinohara gave him a reassuring smile and clapped him on the shoulder. "The investigator you're talking about is here to ensure that any ghoul trying to stir things up will be put down immediately. You have no reason to be worried. More investigators is a good thing. It means we're doing everything we can to make sure this ward stays peaceful."
Hide had only wanted information on Takizawa, but he was left feeling uneasy.
Shinohara had talked about putting down ghouls in the same tone someone would use when talking about a dog with rabies.
The hand on his shoulder felt incredibly heavy.
Hide thought of Nishiki, rabid and tearing into meat like a wild animal, and he thought of Hina, who never did anything wrong.
He didn't know what he'd thought Shinohara believed, but hearing it so plainly rattled him.
"What were you expecting?" Rize asked sarcastically, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she gracefully stood. "The Indomitable Shinohara is only nice to you because he thinks you're human. Did you forget? Poor thing."
"Hide?" Shinohara asked, squeezing his shoulder.
Hide blinked. He scratched his cheek and said, "There's just a lot of rumors going around about what's happening. And all the ghouls on the news... I don't know what to believe."
Shinohara patted him. "Believe what I've told you. The 20th ward is safe and will stay that way."
Hide nodded. "Okay. But uh, where's—"
"Here I am!" Juuzou chirped, strolling through the gate towards them. His clothes looked ruffled, like he'd just woken up, and he probably had. "When Mr. Shinohara told me you were here, I didn't believe him, but you are. What are you doing here?"
"Well," Hide began, shrugging. "I wanted to see you. We're friends, aren't we?"
Juuzou tilted his head.
Hide hoped they were. "Besides, I don't have your phone number. I didn't want to come here."
Juuzou pulled on a stitch in his lip, looking to the side. "I don't know what the number is, and I don't know where it is, anyway."
"I'll give you the number," Shinohara sighed, pulling a notepad from his coat pocket. "You need to find that phone as soon as possible. I can't keep justifying buying you new ones, especially with the trend of new models coming out every few months."
"It's every year," Hide unhelpfully added.
"What do I need it for?" Juuzou asked, waving him off. "You find me without it just fine."
"That's because you never answer it," Shinohara grumbled back. "But now, maybe you'll actually use it to keep in contact with your friend, and him with you."
Juuzou looked bored. "You're really no fun at all, Shinohara."
"Ah... this is interesting and all, but you wanna hang out, Juuzou?" Hide asked.
Juuzou looked Hide up and down. He spun towards Shinohara and said, while gesturing at Hide, "See? He's a real weirdo!"
Hide rocked on his heels, having nothing to defend himself with against that. So, instead, he said, "Before you came down Shinohara was telling me that I should be taking the branch office more seriously, but here he is, still letting me treat it unseriously. You have such a soft partner."
Shinohara's pencil broke against the notepad. "I don't approve of your antics, or you making me come down here, but... it's been a long week. Just do me a favor and don't get into enough trouble that I need to be involved. That goes for you too, Suzuya."
"I don't get why everyone is so mopey. People die. So what?" Juuzou said, pulling on a hand stitch.
Shinohara looked at him for a long time, his eyes deeply tired, and then he ripped the page free and held it out.
Hide slowly took it, practically breathing in the awkward, colder air between.
Juuzou seemed oblivious, but his fingers were tapping his leg.
"It can be like last time," Hide said abruptly, shoving the note in his pocket and successfully distracting Juuzou. "I'll pay."
"And end up at a convenience store again? Bleh."
"We can just go to my apartment. It's cool enough."
"It's not," Juuzou said. "But you woke me up for this, so I guess I'll go. You better have something actually cool."
.
.
.
Hide woke up very suddenly, on his back on the floor, his phone buzzing in his hand.
He turned it off without looking and sat up with a wince, his back aching. He rubbed his eyes and squinted at the sunlight trying to shine through the drawn blinds.
His phone told him it was almost 12 p.m., but he didn't quite believe it.
He hadn't slept for more than 3 hours in weeks.
He used the couch to slowly pull himself up off the floor.
Hide had very few memories of what happened after he and Juuzou left the branch office.
They'd gotten to his place, somehow, and then he'd been in his bedroom, on his knees, pulling out Nagachika's box of comics from under the bed. And then...?
Hide scratched his head as he walked around the couch.
And then—
He stopped. His eyes snapped down to the investigator curled up on his floor. Juuzou had his back against the couch, his clothes even more rumpled than before. His shirt was unbuttoned and he was sweating through his undershirt under the summer heat, but... he hadn't left.
He was asleep, with a quinque dagger clutched in one hand, and the other clenched tightly.
Hide saw, and ignored, all the glints of silver he could see strapped to the inside of his shirt.
Nagachika's comics were all over his counters and stacked messily on the floor around the fridge.
What... had they been doing?
Hide ruffled the dust out of his hair as he stood looking at the empty box on the floor, but the answer didn't come, so, Hide went to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
His alarm went off again as he did, buzzing violently in his pocket with the threat of him being late.
Hide looked at himself in the mirror. He hadn't changed out of what he'd been wearing the night before.
He wondered if he could no-show his afternoon shift without Touka breaking down the door to his place.
She was too much of a slave-driver to let him off the hook that easily. If she didn't do it during her break, she'd definitely come by after work—
̶"̶Y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶s̶u̶c̶h̶ ̶a̶ ̶d̶a̶n̶g̶e̶r̶o̶u̶s̶ ̶p̶e̶r̶s̶o̶n̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶r̶o̶u̶n̶d̶,̶"̶ Nagachika said behind him, leaning back against the doorframe with crossed arms. Nagachika lifted his eyes to his back. " ̶Y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶.̶.̶.̶ ̶c̶r̶a̶z̶y̶,̶ ̶d̶u̶d̶e̶.̶ ̶W̶a̶y̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶.̶"̶
Hide looked for Rize in the mirror, couldn't find her, and decided, at least right then, that he was wrong. "I don't see Rize," he said mildly. "So, agree to disagree."
He returned the brush to his mouth, watching Nagachika look away, but he hadn't missed what Nagachika really meant.
I'm starting to think you're too dangerous for Kaneki.
Hide couldn't really blame him. It would be a lie to tell him that what happened the night before wouldn't happen again. It had already happened twice.
Hide kept his eyes on Nagachika's reflection.
And yet, Nagachika couldn't do anything about it.
He looked like the version of himself near the end of his time with the CCG, with only slightly shorter hair than Hide himself.
Nagachika stared hard at the wall. ̶"̶K̶a̶n̶e̶k̶i̶ ̶t̶e̶x̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶b̶e̶f̶o̶r̶e̶.̶ ̶W̶h̶a̶t̶'̶d̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶a̶y̶?̶"̶
Hide wordlessly scrolled to his messages and held the screen out at him without looking at it himself.
̶"̶C̶u̶t̶e̶ ̶p̶i̶c̶t̶u̶r̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶H̶i̶n̶a̶m̶i̶,̶"̶ he said, then left the room.
Juuzou was awake by the time Hide came out of the bathroom, but unmoving, his wide eyes tracking him as he went to his bedroom to grab a spare blanket.
Hide ignored his gaze as he walked closer, and tossed the faded yellow blanket at him. "You shouldn't sleep on just the floor," he explained. "My back is killing me—"
"Did you make me fall asleep?" Juuzou interrupted him, his tone unreadable.
"What, like drugging you?" Hide asked back, scratching his neck. "You're giving me way too much credit. If I was hiding something like that here, you would've found it already."
Juuzou grasped at the blanket, feeling it like he'd never seen a blanket before.
But then again the material was kind of fluffy, and it would've physically repulsed him in his last life.
"I only fall asleep when I want to fall asleep," Juuzou said after a few seconds, trying to make sense of it to himself. "You fell asleep, and then..." his eyes drifted up to the ceiling. "And now it's morning."
"I have to go to work," Hide announced, deciding to keep it to himself that it was afternoon. Juuzou's gaze dragged to him. "I don't mind if you stay until you've sorted yourself out. I'll leave the key. Just leave it under the mat when you leave. If I end up locked out, I'm going to complain to Shinohara for the rest of my life."
Juuzou didn't respond, but didn't move either.
Hide walked to a kitchen counter, moved aside comics, and picked up a bronze key to show him. "I work at a cafe, not a pharmacy, so stop looking at me like that. Seriously, how would I have even done it?"
Juuzou picked at the blanket and didn't answer.
Hide shrugged, putting the key back. "The fridge is safe, except for the orange juice carton in the back. Don't drink that. Everything else is what they say they are," he told him, then went to get his uniform.
.
.
.
Hide pulled up his mat and was only a little surprised to find his key actually there.
He stood back up but paused before he used it. The door was slightly ajar. He turned the handle and blinked as the door opened.
"I... didn't tell him to lock the door," he realized. He sighed as he went inside.
A/N: I made a discord server for all of my works, come join! /dYy2zpRwd3