AN: Hey All! Like the title of the chapter states...ANGST! and a slightly horny Alastor. XD I have something fun in the works, so depending on how much time I can dedicate to writing this week you MAY get a segment of three chapters at once. I'm actually super excited about it so stay tuned and see you on Tuesday!

Cheers!

As soon as he was out of eyesight he let the facade go, claws gripping into his scalp, smile pulled taught. This had never happened before. Sure some ruts were rough, but becoming jealous? Possessive? He knew it was insane, it was his own son for Satan's sake! Of course Ellen would have his scent on her but for it to rile him up so bad he was ready to go out there and kill him?

No, he never thought it would be an issue, logic and reason made it clear there was nothing to worry about. Yet as soon as the smell hit him all he could think was some other buck had tried laying claim to what was his and he was going to put them down for it.

What terrified him most, was that he would have, he was going to if Ellen hadn't stopped him. He didn't even register that she had dug her nails into his wrist until the blood was slipping off his claws, til his nose caught the smell of blood.

It was obvious she didn't know either, that panicked apology being a clear sign.

He took a few deep breaths, ear flicking over to the campsite attuned to Ellen's voice, singing and humming away like she hadn't just saved him from murdering their kid.

He started pacing, hair being pulled from the roots, though the pain never registered, his mind lost in the frantic state swirling inside.

He hated his father, the man was cruel, vile and unforgiving. And while Alastor never intended on having children, he knew he would never be anything like his father. Was he the best dad out there? No, his sentence to Hell was an obvious sign, but he wouldn't get as low as his father, yet here he was, ready to kill his own son without a second thought. He wasn't like that, he wasn't like him.

Alastor's breaths came out in quick short bursts, mind reeling, heart racing. He wasn't his father, he killed those that were, killed those that would prey on the less fortunate, the vulnerable, the weak.

This wasn't good. This was a side of his rut he didn't even know existed. He knew it was going to be difficult, but this was a whole other level he wasn't prepared for. Even the carnal thoughts were getting to him, worse than before.

He was being sincere when he told Ellen he needed to keep his distance, that she would be safer that way. The things he wanted to do to her…

He closed his eyes trying to push the thoughts down. What was this side of himself? It was horrible and disgusting and it made him sick to his stomach.

He wanted to see her skin laced with ribbons of red, her skin tainted in purple and blue. To watch her blissed out face gasp and struggle for air as his hand closed her airway hard enough to leave his handprint, a mark of his own. He wanted it so bad. Even the thought sent blood roaring to places he'd rather not think about.

He would never cause that kind of harm, not to her. He was above that, but the thoughts were still there and the images felt eerily similar to how he had found his mother. How his father killed her, left her bruised and beaten, the purple bruising around her neck…

He was not his father. He couldn't be. He REFUSED to be. He-

He just needed to keep his distance. It was for the best, for everyone involved. Once the week was done they could continue on like nothing had changed. He had overcome all his other ruts, this would be no different.

Except it was very different. He had next to nothing in his power reserve, no demons to feast on. He had never had a mate, although for once he actually wanted one, and he couldn't even claim her, mark her as his. And now with another younger buck, his son, he was left feeling like he had to compete. To fight for Ellen's attention, despite all reason telling him it was redundant.

He fell to a sit, back against a tree, hands releasing their death grip on his hair, sliding down to his face. He was weak. He hated the thought, but he couldn't find another word for what he was feeling. He was weak just like his father had been. What was that saying again? 'The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.' He groaned.

He should leave, go somewhere far away. It'd be better, safer that way. But he couldn't. Even with the logical rationale, he couldn't leave Ellen out here on her own, be that far away. She could handle herself, she had proven that time and time again, but he just…couldn't be that far apart. Maybe it was selfish or maybe because he had already almost lost her on so many other occasions, but he couldn't leave her.

…

Over the next two days no amount of scenting or marking territory was helping, no amount of scraping his antlers seemed to relieve the itch that had spread throughout his body. He was constantly uncomfortable, body demanding some sort of relief or physical contact. His body was constantly too warm and the anger only made it worse.

What else could he do, but watch from a distance. Fight the internal instinct to fight Xander anytime he got close to Ellen and it seemed that happened a lot. He knew, he KNEW it was nothing. Just the closeness of a mother and child, exactly like it was with him and his own mother, but every hug, shared laugh, graze of hands while cooking or passing items only added to the rage.

Xander was showing no signs of interest towards Ellen, but it didn't create any relief. The young buck was just keeping her attention for no reason. He wouldn't mark her, wouldn't mate her (obviously) yet was taking up all of her time and focus when she should be with someone better suited. It was maddening.

And what kind of father gets jealous of the attention his wife was paying their child? A father like his own.

Those thoughts didn't help either, so much so he had tried expelling the thoughts with a mantra. 'He wasn't like his father. He would never be like his father.' But no matter how many times he thought it or whispered it to himself, he couldn't seem to get the words to sink in. Like father, like son.

What was he to do? Instincts told him to fight Xander, and as much as he wanted to (he'd win without a doubt) he couldn't. So how was he to catch his little does attention?

You need to go to her.

Alastor blinked himself back to the present before finding his incorporeal counterpart frowning at him.

He let out a huff unable to give it a solid glare, instead turning away annoyed. "You know very well why I can not do that."

She's worried about you.

A few images of the harsh bruising and deep cuts littered across her skin slipped past his eyes. He blinked them back, still turned away from his incorporeal half. "She should be worried about herself," he muttered to himself.

The shadow darted around to be in his field of view, doing its best to give him a glare. He wasn't in the mood to care about its insistence.

She's sad you're hiding away.

"I can not control her emotions, besides, she isn't looking to mate, it seems rather torturous to put myself in that-"

-She said no such thing. She simply wishes you not mark her. You can mate without marking her.

Alastor would never admit that his cock twitched in interest at the thought. He shook his head.

"No. No, that would hardly be appropriate."

He watched his shadows eyes turn dreamy, hands clutched together dramatically against its chest.

But she makes such sweet sounds while squirming in pleasure underneath-

"No! No stop that!" He glared at his shadow, though the damage was already done, his mind spiraling to places he had been hoping to keep clear of. He groaned, cheeks flushing as his thoughts had now gone carnal.

"Leave me be." He waved his shadow away feeling defeated. Hopefully it had its fun and would leave him. He had no such luck.

There's nothing and no one for miles, you could take her under the stars, pound her in the dirt and let her screams echo through the trees.

A growl of frustration left his lips, glaring at his shadow in disdain.

"I've had quite enough of-"

She was beautiful round with your fawn. You should do it again.

In a clearer state of mind he may have argued back, but right now he couldn't deny it, he very much liked the idea of breeding her full of his seed. When no words came from his throat he turned away from his shadow, face blazing worse than the rest of him, an impressive feat considering his rut.

"You've had far too much freedom lately. You would be wise keeping your mouth shut if you intend on keeping it that way," he finally scolded, though the threat was hardly sincere.

His shadow chuckled at his response, swirling around him in glee, nuzzling in close, the best it could as a non corporeal entity. You can't even deny it.

"She's always beautiful," he lamely responded, knowing that was not what his shadow was referring to. Since when did he let his shadow speak to him like this? He had really let the thing go and it seemed it knew it could get away with it.

At the very least you should spend the nights with her, she runs cold you know. The shorter girl said-

"BEAR!"

His ear twitched toward Xander, though he wasn't too concerned. He didn't stand until he heard Ellen mutter a curse under her breath, the sounds of her footsteps approaching Xander.

His shadow quickly slipped the two into the familiar black whisps, moving to see what was going on.

"You shouldn't have yelled." Ellen shook her head as she stepped between Xander and the black bear standing on its hind legs.

She waved Xander behind her, her gaze never leaving the bear, slowly taking steps back putting space between them and the wildlife.

"Should I get the bear spray? This is what it's for right?"

Ellen shook her head again. "No, I don't think I'll need it, and if I do, then we're going to have to move. It'll attract more wildlife and I don't have a place to make a bear hang or a proper means of getting rid of it."

Alastor cocked his head to the side a bit confused as she raised her voice a bit now addressing the creature taking a soft gentle tone, almost like she was talking to a scared child. Why was she talking to the bear?

"Hey there buddy. Sorry to disrupt your day, didn't realize you were in the area, but uhhh, you should move along. We'll be outta here in a week or so."

Xander's face also twisted in confusion. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to diffuse the situation."

"Can't I just kill it?"

"Absolutely not!" She spared a moment to turn and glare at him for the mere suggestion before turning back to the bear.

"The bear was just minding their own business before you came along it. You should have heard or smelt this thing long before you saw it. So I'm guessing you likely startled it. As long as I can convince it we're not worth looking into then the better I can avoid an angry scared bear." She started waving her arms above her head.

The bear fell back to its paws letting out a low huff.

She raised her voice, sounding calm and confident in her words. "Off you go now. Shoo! You're better off running along elsewhere. Best be on your way."

Both boys watched curiously as the bear did just that, making a hasty exit.

"What kind of Disney princess shit is this?," he heard Xander mutter quietly.

Alastor couldn't help but be a bit impressed, she would have been a wonderful companion while he was still alive. While he personally never encountered a bear, he heard stories of some unfortunate hunters finding their end by the beasts. He was a bit curious as to what she would have done if it had turned into an actual fight. Many would bet on the bear, but he had a hunch she might be the one to end up on top. The thought sent pleasant waves of heat coursing through him.

She always carried an air of innocence and naivety to her, one look and the world assumed she was a helpless little damsel in distress. He too, thought that when he had first encountered her, something to bide his time with, enjoy toying with but nothing more. He had been pleasantly surprised to find that wasn't the case. There was a deeper part of him that wanted, needed to see her snap, to see her unhinged just to watch the carnage. It was sure to be something spectacular.

"Alright, ground rules." Ellen spun to Xander when she felt the bear wasn't a threat anymore. "If you're going to be wandering about alone, you make noise to let bears and whatever else is out there, know where you are so they can avoid you. Personally I like talking to wildlife, but if that ain't your cup of tea you can wear a bell or clap. And you have the luxury of having a much better nose than anyone else. Bears smell terrible, you should smell them before you encounter them, and if you do, note that YOU are down wind, they won't smell you. If they did, they would avoid you. Bears don't like people."

Xander held his hands out in a placid manner trying to stop the avalanche of information being poured on him. Alastor's smile quirked up at the sight. Oh yes, he too had been in his shoes. It wasn't a scolding, her voice was always calm and relatively relaxed, but it still felt like you were being lectured, in some sort of trouble.

"Got it." Before Ellen could continue Xander slipped into shadows leaving her there, her shoulders falling with a sigh.

Her hand went to her head running her hand through her hair, head turning to take a glance around her.

"Okay, well I guess I just did that." She let out a shaky laugh before she slid down the tree closest to her, sitting. It seemed quite obvious that she was a little shaken about the whole ordeal. Alastor watched his shadow slip across the forest floor curling around her with soft chitters.

She waved off its concern. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, just, I've never really dealt with a bear before. I've spent enough time out in the woods one would think I have, but I know how to avoid an encounter so I just never thought I'd do it. Turned out about as well as I thought it would. We're just going to have to be a bit more vigilant I guess."

Her gaze turned back to where the bear had run off. "You'll tell Al to keep his eyes, ears and nose open, yeah?"

The shadow nodded, turning to him with a pointed glare and with an annoyed eye roll he stepped out cautiously making his way closer. He had made sure he had placed her down wind of him, that way he wouldn't catch her scent. Or at least that was what he told himself, but it didn't seem to matter, he could smell from anywhere, his nose almost attuned to her smell.

Her eyes found him relatively quickly and he had to consciously tell himself to keep his pace normal despite the urge to sprint over and wrapping her in his arms drowning himself in her scent.

She turned back to his shadow though she didn't bother hiding her question, knowing he would hear it too.

"He's a mess isn't he?"

The shadow nodded.

"I am doing just fine, thank you." It was a lie he refused to admit to. He wasn't doing fine, his mind was scattered, his skin felt like it was on fire, his body demanding to give into dark carnal urges he refused to acknowledge.

"You've been avoiding me, watching from a distance like I'm made of glass Alastor. Can we please talk about it? I'm done playing this game." She gestured to the woods. "The whole point of coming out here was so I can help you."

"You are helping." He stopped a few paces away, though he couldn't stop his body leaning a bit closer.

His shadow hissed at him. Liar.

"Hmm. It seems like someone disagrees with you. He's not the only one." She gave him a knowing look. He couldn't fool her, not like this at least, he was in a tizzy due to the stupid rut. Blasted thing.

He gave his shadow a look. They would talk later, and it knew it. It gave Ellen a soft chirp before melding away, leaving Alastor stuck here to have the conversation, no longer having the means of quickly slipping away. Cheeky.

Ellen laughed at the sight. "I think he's on my side."

"More than you know," he muttered, his mind going back to the last conversation they had and his cheeks instantly heating at the thought. He was not going to be able to even make eye contact now, envisioning her blissed out face as he drove into her, drove her into the-

"- ground here Alastor, you're afraid of hurting me, fine, that's fair, but trying to ignore this isn't going to help, if anything you'll just snap and become a self fulfilling prophecy."

He swallowed hard, ears flicking low feeling ashamed he couldn't even focus on a conversation right now. He needed to get a hold of himself and quickly or this conversation would quickly turn into one of only body language and harsh slaps of skin on skin. His face reddened as the images glossed his thoughts.

"Alastor?"

At some point she had stood, now close enough he could lean down and capture her lips, silencing any further discussion or concern.

Her hand delicately reached forward resting on his chest, her eyes watching his face closely.

He leaned forward into her touch involuntarily while the back of his mind started to stir, started to panic. He was almost certain she could feel his heart beating erratically under her palm. Even his ears, that had now flattened atop his head, was a sign he was worried, conflicted. The rest of his body didn't seem to get the same message seemingly disconnected, aching for the closeness, for her, slowly leaning closer until her breath mingled with his.

"I'll stop if you tell me to, but I know you need some sort of contact. I don't want you hiding away."

He could still smell Xander all over her, but her own smell still overpowered him. He didn't growl, didn't even care, his mind was lost in her. It's all he wanted. One hand was clenched tightly at his side, something to ground him from all the thoughts and urges whizzing around in his head.

Her eyes were wide, observing him carefully, never leaving his face. They lightly flitted over his features, periodically halting on his eyes trying to decipher his thoughts. They were soft and gentle, warm and all consuming, it was hard to look away. It was in no way intense, but it still sent little sparks through his veins. They looked almost doe like. And they seemed to be getting closer?

Her lips brushed against his, only to remain there. She left an almost nonexistent gap, waiting, watching to see what he would do, if he would lean in the mere millimeters to close it. It was a dangerous game, but who was he to back away from a challenge? That was surely the reason he pressed into her, not because he wasn't strong enough to hold back. And it would have been weird if he hadn't wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, tighter to him.

He didn't know who moved, likely him, that had pushed her up against a tree, a light gasp escaping Ellen that he happily swallowed. It was like he wasn't fully aware of what he was doing, his body moving on its own accord. His ears were tuned to her laboured breaths as he moved down to her neck to where it met her shoulder. At some point his hips and started to rut against hers, an action that would otherwise have had him disgusted with himself.

His name escaped her, the tone light and airy, one could almost think it was like a whined plea, and he responded likewise. A whine of need vibrated against her throat, knowing this would not be enough. It would barely satiate the heat.

Ellen lightly pushed against his chest which only caused him to challenge her, pushing closer.

"Alastor…" Her arms pressed hard separating the two. He didn't know what noise left him, something between a growl and whimper at the space created between the two.

"I'm not doing this, the back and forth. We both want the same thing so let's put the worries to ease." She took a sharp breath before jutting a hand out. "Let's make a deal, a contract for this."

His hand twitched toward her before he physically pulled it away. He was nowhere near in a good headspace to make deals, he was in a far too vulnerable state. It seemed like such an easy solution, he just couldn't trust himself in assuring her safety. He had failed before and there was no way he could put a good contract together right now, not with his thoughts being split between both heads. Well, mostly his lower head that was now tenting his pants, straining for attention.