For what felt like the thousandth time, Agent Powers found himself leaning over the map of the entire world, which was spread out on a large table in the middle of a dark room, with only a bright spotlight from the ceiling to illuminate it. Dotted all over the map were brightly colored pins and tacks, each one resembling recent sightings and suspicious activity that could possibly be connected to the Four Horsemen. Connecting the pins were strings and pieces of yarn that were meant to show the possible routes they could've taken. On a large billboard next to him were photos of three of the Four Horsemen: the Hunter, the Harlot, and the Heretic. Notes were scribbled all over the board in black marker. And right in the center of the billboard was a photo depicting a black, faceless silhouette, with The Harbinger (?) written beneath it.
For years, Agent Powers had been tracking down this mysterious group, but to very little success. They have already murdered dozens of their best agents, as well as countless civilians who were just trying to live their lives. They had done unspeakable acts of cruelty against their fellow men, and as a result, had become the FBI's top priority. Although Powers was mainly in the field of investigating the paranormal, catching the Harbinger and bringing his criminal group to its knees has become his primary goal. The fact that he didn't even have a name or a face to whoever was behind it all certainly didn't make his job any easier. He had already been poring over the map for hours, muttering under his breath while drumming his fingers on the table. He had also drunk an obscene amount of coffee to keep himself awake and alert. There were other agents who made fun of his "obsession" over the Four Horsemen, but all Powers had to do was start listing the crimes they had committed, and that was enough to shut them up.
Despite how much time he had spent overseeing this operation, the possibility of their capture still seemed too far away. It didn't help that his theory of there being a fifth Horseman was immediately shot down by his superiors. But Powers was nothing if not determined, and he had vowed to find these psychopaths and have them locked up forever - preferably in a small hole deep underground where they would never see the light of day ever again.
"Powers! I think I've got something on the radar!," another man on the other side of the room suddenly spoke up. It was Agent Trigger, Powers' partner and fellow agent who had been helping him in his investigations of the Four Horsemen. For the past few hours, he had been on the FBI's monitor, diligently checking for any suspicious energy readings around the globe. And from the sound of it, he had finally found one. "Where is it coming from?," asked Powers, who immediately abandoned the map he was poring over to join Trigger at the monitor.
"It appears to be coming from Oregon," said Trigger. The two agents waited a moment, and a few seconds later, another energy reading, even bigger than the last, popped up on the screen. "See there! There it is again!," said Trigger, pointing at it. "We haven't seen readings like this for thirty years," Powers commented. "Is it coming from deep space?," asked Trigger as he zoomed in on the source of the energy spike. "An enemy weapon site? Or could it be the work of the Four Horsemen?" Once the screen was fully zoomed in, Powers narrowed his eyes, his suspicions confirmed. "Just as I suspected," he said with a nod. "It looks like my theory holds some water after all. Pack your bags, Agent Trigger. We're going to Gravity Falls."
The next morning in the aforementioned town, Stan, Dipper, Mabel, and Sammy were standing in front of the Mystery Shack, which had been rebuilt and renovated. Stan had finally ditched his crutches, but his leg was still in a cast. A large crowd of excited tourists were also there. "Welcome to the grand re-opening of the Mystery Shack!," Stan announced. "We're here to celebrate the defeat of that skunk Li'l Gideon!" He held out a doll of Gideon, one of the few surviving remnants of the Gideon Merchandise Bonfire that the entire town had participated in last night. "Boo!," the tourists immediately jeered at the doll. "Please, please… boo harder!," Stan urged with a mischievous grin on his face. "BOO!," the tourists booed louder.
Then, the conman heard someone clearing his throat rather loudly, and turned to see Sammy giving him a smug look while nodding to the twins. Stan rolled his eyes and chuckled. "But I didn't catch that porkchop all alone," he said, before pulling in all three of them with his arm and playfully rubbing Dipper's head. "These three scamps deserve SOME of the glory." Mabel then elbowed Stan while smiling teasingly. "Okay, okay. Most of the glory."
"Smile for the camera!," said Toby Determined, holding up a cinder block that was only painted black to look like a camera. Stan was quick to call him out on it. "Your camera's a cinder block, Toby," he deadpanned. Toby immediately looked down in shame. "I just wanna be a part of things…" Sammy frowned briefly, as he couldn't help but feel bad for Toby. The poor guy just couldn't seem to catch a break. Then, he noticed the local news reporter, Shandra Jiminez, who was standing nearby, and an idea formed in his head. "Hey, Ms. Jiminez!," he said. "Would it be alright if Toby used your camera to take a picture of us?" Judging by the look on her face that could only be made from biting into a lemon, Shandra was clearly against the idea of anyone else handling her camera, especially someone like Toby Determined. Surprisingly, she sighed and handed over her camera anyway. Meanwhile, Stan and the twins gave Sammy questioning looks. "What?," Sammy asked with a shrug. "I felt that he could use a win for once."
Toby eagerly accepted the camera and held it up. "Smile for a REAL camera!," he said excitedly. "Everyone say 'Something stupid!'," cried Mabel. "Something stupid!," they all said at once as Toby took their picture, with Mabel poking her fingers in her face, Stan putting on jazz hands, Dipper pretending to choke himself, and Sammy sticking his tongue out.
"And don't forget to come to the after-party tonight at eight," said Stan, holding up a poster that advertised said party. "We're doing a karaoke bonanza, people!," Mabel said as she grabbed her karaoke machine. "Light! Music! Enchantment!" She then blew confetti out of her hand. "And an amazing karaoke performance by our family band, Love Patrol Alpha!" "I don't know about that," Dipper said uncertainly, not enthusiastic at all for the idea of singing badly in front of a crowd of people. "I would never agree to that ever," Stan agreed firmly.
"Come on, guys, this could be fun!," Sammy said encouragingly. "I mean, I've never actually done karaoke before, but I still think this could be a great experience!" "See? Why can't you guys be as enthusiastic as Sammy?," said Mabel. "Besides, it's too late! I wrote your names on the list! It's happening!" Wendy, who was standing off to the side, blew an air horn to get the crowd's attention. "Buy a ticket, people! You know you don't have anything else going on in your lives! I'm talking to you, Pizza Guy! Don't lame out on me!" After Wendy led the crowd of tourists away, Stan hobbled into the shack and looked around, sighing happily. "The town loves us, we finally got that Gideon smell out of the carpet. Everything is finally going my way."
Then, Dipper walked up to him and tapped him on the back. "Hey, Grunkle Stan. Now that we have a moment. I've been meaning to ask you for my journal back," he said nervously. "Wha? Journal?," asked Stan, seemingly confused. "The journal that Dipper showed you last week, remember?," Sammy reminded him. Stan thought about it for a moment, then laughed. "Oh! You mean that old thing! It was so boring I couldn't even finish it. It's under the counter. I'd get it for you, but… you know." He gestured to his injured leg. Dipper looked under the counter, found his journal, and took it out. Then, he looked up at Stan. "Wait, you're just gonna give it to me? Just like that?," he asked. "What else do you want? A kiss on the cheek?," Stan joked. "I… I gotta go!," cried Dipper, before grabbing Mabel's hand and speed walking away.
As Stan stared after them in confusion, Soos came over, as he happened to overhear their conversation just now. "I wouldn't mind a kiss on the cheek," he said. "Not gonna happen," said Stan, before turning to Sammy. "Why don't you go check up on those two while I stay down here and get things prepared with Soos?" Sammy nodded - since that was what he was about to do anyway - and went up the stairs to the attic. Right when he was at the doorway, Dipper suddenly pulled him in and locked the door behind him. "You're here now, good. Guys, we've gotta talk," he said frantically. Sammy and Mabel glanced at each other, already knowing what was about to happen. They sat on their beds while Dipper made Mabel's stuffed animals face away from them, closed the blinds, and turned on the lamp. Then, he began pacing around in circles in the middle of the room while also expressing his worries, as he always did.
"Almost losing my journal made me realize that I'm halfway through the summer, and still no closer to figuring out the big mysteries of Gravity Falls. Gideon almost destroyed the town to get his hands on this journal. But why? Who wrote it? Where are the other journals? What was Bill talking about when he said that 'everything was going to change'? There's something HUGE going on right under our noses. And it's time we stop goofing around and get to the bottom of it." Meanwhile, Sammy was getting a bit concerned by Dipper's paranoia while Mabel was kicking her legs in the air out of boredom. "I don't want to sound discouraging, but don't you think you're making mountains out of molehills, Dipper?," asked Sammy. "I've seen you reading that journal all the time. If there was anything else to uncover, you would've found it by now."
"Yeah, you've looked at that thing like, a bazillion times. Plus, half the pages are blank, remember?," said Mabel. But Dipper was not convinced. He began flipping through the pages of the journal again, and even though they were all things he'd seen before, there was a nagging thought in the back of his mind, telling him that the mystery was far from over. "I just feel like I'm one puzzle piece away from figuring out everything," he muttered. "Don't worry, Dipper!," Mabel said, before suddenly picking up Waddles. "Lord Mystery Ham is on the case! 'I play by me own rules! Wot? Wot?'" "Lord Mystery Ham? That's a new one!," Sammy chuckled, always amused by the various roles that Mabel gave her pig. "What kind of cases have you solved, Lord Ham?," he asked, playing along. "'I'm glad you asked, wot wot!'," Mabel cried dramatically, making her voice deeper while pretending that Waddles was the one talking. "'One time, I was invited to a fancy party by my old friend, Mr. Richie McGoose, only for him to be… murdered!'"
Meanwhile, Dipper watched Mabel and Sammy laughing together, but couldn't bring himself to join in. "I don't know why I tell you two things…," he groaned. Seeing how irritated he was, Sammy stopped laughing with Mabel and knelt down in front of him, placing his hand on his shoulder. "Cheer up, alright?," he said gently. "We'll still help you get to the bottom of this mystery. Right, Mabel?" "Yeah, bro!," Mabel agreed, putting Waddles down. "You can always count on us!" Dipper smiled at them gratefully. Then, he heard what sounded like… a car pulling in? "Wait. Do you hear that?," he asked. The three of them went to the window and pulled up the blinds. To their confusion, they saw a black car park itself in front of the shack. Then, two men in suits stepped out of the car, and by the looks on their faces, they were serious.
"Who are those guys? They sure don't look like tourists," said Dipper. Meanwhile, Sammy stared at the words U.S. GOVERNMENT printed on the side of the car that the two men just came out of. Underneath said words was a symbol of what looked like an eagle head with a magnifying glass held over its eye. "...You have got to be kidding me," he muttered.
The twins looked up at him in confusion, but before they could ask, Sammy was already out the door and heading downstairs, leaving them no choice but to go after him. When Sammy arrived at the gift shop, he saw Stan frantically urging the tourists to leave the shack through the intercom. "The Mystery Shack is now closed, everybody out! I will not hesitate to use the hose on the elderly!" As the tourists quickly filed out of the room, Sammy ran up to Stan. "Stan, don't tell me that I just saw a government vehicle drive up to the shack!," he said nervously. "Alright, I won't," Stan retorted somewhat cheekily. "Now get me as many key chains and snow globes as you can, pronto!" Without hesitation, Sammy ran to get said items, while Dipper and Mabel went up to Stan. "Grunkle Stan, what's happening?," asked Mabel. "Yeah, you never shut down the gift shop," said Dipper. Then, the doorbell rang, followed by a few knocks. Stan hobbled over to the door and opened it, greeting the two men with a wide, obviously forced smile.
"Welcome to the Mystery Shack, gentlemen! What can I get you?," he asked. Sammy came back just in time, carrying an armful of snow globes and UFO keychains. "We've got some key chains and snow globes if that's what you want," he said, trying not to sound nervous. "Or… maybe you'd like these rare photos of American presidents?," Stan asked slyly, slowly pulling a five dollar bill out of his sleeve while sweating profusely. Ignoring the fact that Stan had basically attempted to bribe him, the older man with the mustache introduced themselves.
"My name is Agent Powers. This is Agent Trigger." He gestured to the man next to him, a younger agent with light brown hair. "We are here to investigate reports of mysterious activity in this town." "Activity!," Trigger emphasized, pointing at Stan. "Mysterious activity? In the Mystery Shack? You gotta be joking!," said Stan. "I assure you I am not. I was born with a rare disorder that makes me physically incapable of experiencing humor," Powers said dryly. "Heh, t-that's a good one," Sammy laughed nervously. "I don't understand that sound you're making with your mouth. Now if you'll excuse us, we're conducting an investigation," said Powers, before the two agents walked into the shack uninvited, which was a bit rude, in Sammy's opinion.
"Investigation!," Trigger emphasized again, poking Stan in the chest as he walked past him. Meanwhile, Dipper had overheard the whole thing, but unlike Stan and Sammy, he saw this as more of an opportunity than a stroke of bad luck. "Wait!," he cried, running up to the agents. "Wait, did you guys say you're investigating the mysteries of this town?" Agent Powers took a knee in front of Dipper. "That information is classified, but yes. Look, between you and me, I believe there is a conspiracy of paranormal origin all connected to this town. Not only are we just one small lead away from blowing the lid off this entire mystery, but I believe we're about to uncover the schemes of some very bad people who might be hiding in this town." Dipper was taken aback. "B-bad people?" Sure, most of the people in Gravity Falls were pretty… eccentric, but he wouldn't describe any of them as being bad, unless the agent was talking about Gideon, which he somehow doubted. "Um… what kind of bad people?," he couldn't help but ask. "Very bad people," Powers repeated, narrowing his eyes at Dipper intensely. "People who have done things so repulsive and vile that it will make your blood curdle…" Dipper was somewhat shaken by what he just heard, but he refused to let that deter him from this opportunity.
"Well, I'm investigating the exact same thing!," he said. "N-not the 'bad people' part, but the paranormal part!" He held out the journal for them to see. "I found this journal in the woods which has almost all the answers. If we work together, we could crack the case!"
The agents glanced at each other. "If you have evidence of these claims, we should talk," said Powers, handing Dipper his card. "We could talk right now! Please please. C-Come in! I have so much to show you!," Dipper said excitedly. But before that could happen, Stan and Sammy suddenly stepped in to intervene, both still smiling nervously. "Hehe, I'm sorry, agents. Kid has an overactive imagination. And a sweating problem," said Stan. "Haha! Zing!," Mabel laughed in the background. "Stan!," Sammy huffed at him, before turning to face the agents. "I understand why you'd think this place is some kind of paranormal hotspot, but that's just part of gift shop lore. It sells more tickets." The agents still didn't seem convinced. "Um, uh… S-Soos! The merchandise!," he said. "On it, dude!," said Soos, before sticking bumper stickers to both of the agents that read "What is the Mystery Shack?" and putting funny alien antennae onto their heads. "Popodopopo! Swag!" Fortunately, that was enough to finally deter them.
"We have other spots to investigate. We'll be on our way," said Powers, turning around and leaving. For some reason, Trigger decided to take a bunch of bobbleheads with him. "I'm confiscating this for evidence," he said. "Smart move," said Powers as they left.
"Wait! No, wait! We have so much to talk about!," cried Dipper, trying to run after them. However, Stan grabbed the back of his vest to stop him. "Hold it kiddo. Trust me, the last thing you want around during a party is cops," said the conman. Glancing back, he noticed that the vending machine was slightly open, and discreetly closed it with his back. "I'm confiscating that card," he said, taking away the card that Powers gave Dipper, much to the latter's horror. "Now how's about you go be a normal kid? Flirt with a girl, or steal a pie off a windowsill." He put the card in a box that was labeled "Contraband Box" and carried it into the living room.
"But Grunkle Stan! You don't understand!," Dipper groaned, but Stan didn't want to hear it. "And don't go talking to those agents," the conman shouted back. Dipper threw his arms up, visibly frustrated. "Ugh! That could've been my big break!" He glared at Sammy, who stood there with a guilty expression on his face. "I don't understand why you wanted to get those agents out of here. You seemed just as nervous around them as Stan was," he said bitterly.
Sammy sighed. "Dipper, do you remember when I talked about my… you know…" He looked around to make sure nobody else was listening in. "Non-aging problem?," he whispered. "Oh yeah, we remember!," said Mabel. "But what does that have to do with you not liking older men in suits?" Sammy cringed. "I feel like you could've worded that better, Mabel. Look, I don't want anyone to know that I don't age, especially an entity as powerful as the government! What do you think they'll do to me if they find out? They'll take me against my will and probably keep me in a hidden laboratory to conduct painful experiments on me! Okay, part of that fear might have stemmed from watching too many movies, but I don't want to take that chance! Why do you think I moved to Gravity Falls in the first place? So I wouldn't have to deal with people like them!" Seeing that Sammy was starting to get a bit worked up, Dipper tried to reassure him. "I won't tell those agents about you if that's what you're afraid of," he said. "I just need to show them the journal so we can work together. Trust me, I won't even mention you."
"Thanks, Dipper," said Sammy, smiling sadly. "But I don't want to take any chances. Sorry." Dipper groaned again and scowled at the floor. "Hey, don't be like that," Sammy said gently. "Like I said earlier, Mabel and I will help you in any way we can. We don't need a couple of agents to get to the bottom of this mystery." "Yeah, and we're throwing a party tonight! Can't you go one night without searching for aliens or raising the dead or whatever?," asked Mabel. Dipper rolled his eyes. "I'm not gonna raise the dead, Mabel. I just wish there was a chance for me to show those agents my book!," he said. "Trust me Dipper, the only book you'll need tonight is right here: Boop!," said Mabel, handing Dipper a book of karaoke songs. Then, she began to chant while pumping her fists in the air. "I say kara-, you say -oke! Kara-" "-oke!," said Sammy, joining in. "Kara-" "-oke!" Then, Mabel turned to Dipper. "Kara-," she said again, waiting for him to join in as well. Dipper just scowled at her. "I could do this all day," said Mabel.
Later that night, the party was in full swing. Almost everyone in town was at the party, which was a surprisingly small number of people. Still, the shack was probably more crowded than it had ever been. As everyone else was dancing and talking, Sammy was standing at the snack table with Soos, chatting away energetically. "–and then they came to life and admitted that they were trying to murder the real Stan, but got the wax one instead! So now they were about to murder us! I tried to fight them all head-on, but… it didn't work so well. Oh, but then we figured out that their weakness was heat, so we used those electric candles to fight them back! I tossed Genghis Khan into the fireplace, Mabel decapitated Shakespeare, and Dipper was able to outsmart Sherlock Holmes by luring him outside! Stan came back after all of it happened, so he had no idea what went on while he was gone, but I'm telling you, it was crazy!"
Meanwhile, Soos had been aptly listening with wide eyes. "Whoa…," he said once Sammy had finished. "And that all happened after me and Stan left the room?" "Yeah! Oh man, you really should've been there!," said Sammy, before wincing. "Well… on second thought, it's probably better that you weren't there. We barely made it out with our lives, after all."
"You seem a lot more relaxed than before, dude," Soos suddenly pointed out. "And a lot more cheerful too." Sammy froze and blinked at him, realizing that Soos was right. "Yeah… Now that I think about it, I've never felt like this before," he said. "It's like… there was a huge weight on my shoulders, and now it's gone. I wonder why." "Hmmm… Maaaaaybe it's because you told us all your deepest, darkest secrets that you've been bottling up for years until last night?," Soos suggested. Sammy stared at Soos, then chuckled. "Never change, Soos," he said.
"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy, Sammy!," cried Mabel, suddenly running up to him with an excited and mischievous grin on her face. "Mabel, Mabel, Mabel, Mabel!," Sammy said back, smiling. "What's up?" "I'm about to prank Grunkle Stan with my confetti cannon!," said Mabel. "You wanna watch?" Now although Sammy was more polite and mature than most other teens, never let it be said that he didn't have a mischievous streak of his own. "Sure!," he said, before turning to Soos with an apologetic smile. "You don't mind, do you?" "Nah, go ahead. The nachos are calling my name, anyway," said Soos. The handyman waited until Sammy and Mabel ran off together, then stalked towards the bowl of nachos on the table and narrowed his eyes at it. "You thought I couldn't hear you saying my name just now, did you?," he whispered to the nachos… before grabbing a handful of them and greedily stuffing them into his open mouth.
Meanwhile, Stan was walking to the shack… before a loud POP followed by a burst of confetti suddenly flew into his face. The conman screamed and stumbled back, his hand on his chest, but the terrified look on his face was quickly replaced by a disgruntled one when he saw who the perpetrators were: Mabel and Sammy behind Mabel's confetti cannon, laughing at the poor old man's expense. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," he said, unable to resist letting out a chuckle himself. "Geez, you're gonna give me a heart attack one of these days." "Sorry, Stan," Sammy chuckled, not sounding sorry at all. "We just couldn't resist." "Well, the confetti cannon works!," Mabel said brightly. "And the karaoke machine has all the best songs!" She ran to the karaoke machine and began reading out the songs listed there. "'We Built This Township on Rock and Roll,' 'Danger Lane to Highway Town,' 'Taking Over Midnight' by !" "Those sound great!," Sammy said enthusiastically. "Well… not the names, they leave much to be desired… but I'm still pretty excited! Aren't you, Stan?" Stan cracked a smile, secretly glad that Sammy was now calling him by his real name and not "Mister Pines" anymore. "Eh, 'excited' is a strong word, kid. Listen, you do not want to hear this voice singing. Trust me," said the conman.
"Grunkle Stan, karaoke isn't about sounding good," said Mabel, "it's about sounding terrible, TOGETHER." Her eyes grew large and wide. Sammy couldn't help but chuckle at her excitement. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mabel's friends, Grenda and Candy, walk into the shack. "Looks like your friends have decided to join the party," he said. Mabel gasped loudly and quickly scampered over to them like a hyperactive hamster. Later that night, he and Stan sat outside at the admissions table as more and more people began pouring in. "Who's got one good eye and one good pie?," said Lazy Susan, walking past them with a pie while handing Stan some money for the admission. After her came Manly Dan, carrying two giant kegs on his shoulders that were labeled MEAT. "These kegs are full of MEAT!," the man boomed needlessly. And after him came Tyler Cutebiker, handing Stan his money while his eyes were glued to his phone. "Tambry sends me the craziest texts!," he giggled aloud as he went inside.
"Wow. I had no idea the party was going to be that big of a success. The whole town is here!," Sammy said with wide eyes. Stan let out a hearty laugh as he counted the large stack of dollar bills in his hand. "Ha! Believe it, kid. If I had known that it was gonna make me that much money, I would've hosted more of these parties! Guess that little brat, Gideon, did something good for once: bring publicity to my shack! And no sign of those pesky agents."
At the mention of those agents, Sammy couldn't help but tense up slightly. Stan, being far more observant than people give him credit for, noticed immediately. "You don't want them around either, huh?," he asked. Sammy awkwardly coughed into his fist, looked around to make sure nobody else was listening, and leaned towards Stan. "I didn't tell you this last night, but… I used some of Carlson's money to scrub my identity a long time ago," he said quietly. Stan raised an eyebrow in surprise. "It's like I keep being surprised by you, kid," said the conman. "You're a lot more of a rebel than I thought you were. But what's that got to do with the agents?"
"I didn't want the government to find out about my… condition," said Sammy. "I've gotten a little bit… paranoid over the years. When I realized that I wasn't aging, I was afraid they would track me down, take me against my will, and keep me in a lab to study and experiment on me or something like that. I could be overreacting, but… eternal youth is huge, Stan. It's the thing that mankind has been searching for since time began. Legends like the Fountain of Youth revolved around it, alchemists have been searching for a 'philosopher's stone' that could grant people immortality, and entire nations have waged war and spilled blood over it! If the government finds out that I could be connected to that kind of power, what do you think they'd do to me?" Stan's brow furrowed in worry, and an angry scowl formed on his face. "Nothin' good, I can imagine," he grumbled. "So that's why you're afraid of those agents that came by earlier?"
"I made sure to be as thorough as I could," Sammy continued. "I spent so much time, effort, and money into making myself invisible and untraceable… but I'm afraid it wasn't enough. I'm afraid that, sooner or later, some men in suits are going to show up and drag me away. And now with two of them being closer than ever…" Without even knowing it, Sammy was on the verge of a panic attack, breathing heavily. Stan quickly placed his hand on Sammy's shoulder to calm him down. "Hey, hey. Calm down. Take deep breaths, alright? Listen… That's not gonna happen. No men in suits are gonna show up and take you away. You know why?" He grinned and held up his fist. "'Cause they'll have to answer to me." Sammy calmed down and smiled at him. "Thanks, Stan," he said, letting out a deep sigh of relief. "I just hope those agents don't stay here for too long." Then, he frowned. "Though… I still feel bad for Dipper. He was actually pretty excited when the agents showed up. He really wanted to show them his journal."
"Oy, again with that journal," Stan groaned, rolling his eyes. "When is that kid gonna learn that there's nothing weird about this town? I mean, the townspeople are one thing, but monsters, ghosts, aliens…? Sounds like a bunch of nonsense, if you ask me."
Sammy looked at him strangely. "Stan, you've been living here longer than most of the other townspeople," he said. "After all that time, you must've seen something that you couldn't understand or explain. What about when we saved Waddles from that pterodactyl?" "That was out there," Stan said with a shrug, "but it was just a giant lizard in the end. Show me proof that there are actually ghouls and zombies out there, then I'll start believing whatever you say. But between you and me, I think hanging out with the twins is making your imagination run wild." He turned around to where Dipper and Wendy were supposed to be putting up posters. "Wendy, Dipper. How are those posters coming along?" To his surprise, they were nowhere to be seen. "That's strange. They were just there a few minutes ago. Where did they go?," asked Sammy. "Hmm," Stan murmured, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. "I think I got an idea…"
The two of them quickly left the admissions table and went straight towards Stan's office. To their surprise, they saw Wendy standing just outside the door, laughing at something on her phone. "Wendy?," asked Sammy. Wendy gave a start, looking up at them in alarm. "Oh, sh*t!," she cried out. "T-this isn't what it looks like! I mean… uh… Aw, crud." Ignoring her, Stan went past her and opened the door to his office. Dipper was in there and talking to someone on the phone, and it was clear as to who he was talking to. "–have that journal I wanted to show you! I'm a hundred percent positive." Stan quickly reached over and pressed a button on the phone receiver to end the call. Dipper gasped and turned around to see Stan looming over him with a scowl on his face, his hands on his hips. Sammy was standing just behind him with a look that was torn between disappointment and sympathy. Wendy was behind them both, giving Dipper an apologetic look. "Sorry, Dipper. I got distracted," she said, holding up her phone to show a photo of a half-naked Thompson. Sammy couldn't help but let out a short and quiet chortle, but a nasty glare from Stan shut him up and made him look down at his feet awkwardly.
"Kid, why did you call those agents?," Stan sighed at Dipper. "I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times!" He yanked the phone from Dipper's hand and slammed it back onto the receiver, hanging it up. "There's nothing 'supernatural' going on in Gravity Falls." "Yes, there is!," Dipper protested. "After everything that's happened you have to know that by now."
"All I know is that your dumb obsession is gonna get us all in trouble one of these days," Stan shot back angrily. Seeing that his grunkle was not going to budge, Dipper looked over at Sammy, silently pleading for him to back him up. Sammy sighed heavily and looked straight at Dipper's eyes, feeling incredibly uncomfortable over this ordeal. "Sorry, Dipper," he said. "I don't want to take any chances…" Dipper opened his mouth, but nothing came out of it.
"Now go enjoy the rest of the party," said Stan, grabbing Dipper by the back of his vest and roughly pushing him out the door, "'cause when it's over - you're grounded." Dipper and Wendy walked away with their heads low, though the former stopped for a moment to glare at Stan, then at Sammy, before walking away. Stan sighed and drummed his fingers on the frame of the door, deep in thought. "You didn't have to be so hard on him," Sammy spoke up. "He was just trying to get answers." "It's not like I want to be tough on the kid," said Stan. "But he was taking it too far. You gotta put your foot down in matters like this." He sighed again. "Anyway, you should get back to the party. I got some stuff to do in the meantime." "You've been strangely busy these past few days, Stan," said Sammy, looking at him strangely. "What are you working on?" "None of your business, that's what," Stan retorted. "Now go on, skedaddle."
Sammy went back to the party and tried to get himself in the mood, but his heart wasn't really into it. He still couldn't take his mind off what just happened with Dipper. Maybe I should do something nice for him after the party's over, he thought to himself. Something to cheer him up. From the corner of his eye, he saw Mabel walking around and being the life of the party as usual. "Hey boys! Looking good! Gorney! You clean up nice! Mr. Poolcheck, move those crazy legs. You-you weird pool man." Then, Sammy saw the two cops, Blubs and Durland, walking into the shack with rather serious looks on their faces. Uh oh, Sammy thought, hoping that this party wasn't about to be busted. He walked over to them with a smile on his face.
"Hello, officers," he said to them. "What, um… What seems to be the problem?" The two cops glanced at each other, then looked at Sammy with serious expressions that were frankly unnervingly out-of-place on their faces. "We've got complaints about the loudest party in town," said Durland. "Oh, boy," Sammy mumbled under his breath. Blubs took off his sunglasses and looked Sammy square in the eye. "Three words: We want in," he said. Sammy blinked at them in surprise, then started laughing. It wasn't long before the two cops joined in. "Oh, wow! You two really got me!," Sammy chuckled. "Of course you can join the party, officers."
"Please, please," said Blubs, waving disarmingly. "Call us by our names. We're kinda friends now, aren't we?" "Yeah, of course!," said Sammy. "Please, come in! Enjoy yourselves!" "WAIT!," cried Mabel, suddenly running up to them while holding two party horns. "Don't forget your party horns!" She put the party horns into the officers' mouths and whispered at them, her eyes literally sparkling. "Welcome to your dreams!" Blowing their new party horns, Blubs and Durland went to join everyone else in the room. "Huh. It looks like we have everyone in town now," said Sammy, noticing how full the entire place was. But no matter how hard he looked, he couldn't spot Dipper anywhere. "Hey Mabel, do you know where your brother went?," he asked the sweater-wearing girl next to her. "I think I saw him go outside," said Mabel.
"Outside?," asked Sammy. He suddenly felt a pit deep in his stomach. "Why would Dipper go outside?" "I dunno," Mabel said with a shrug. "I think he had his journal with him. Maybe he wanted to do some reading by himself? I just hope he'll be back for karaoke night. By the way, which song do you think we should start with, Danger Lane to Highway Town or Taking Over Midnight?" But Sammy was no longer listening to her. He had already pieced it together. "Oh, no. Dipper, you didn't," he murmured to himself. "Huh? Sammy, what do you mean? What did Dipper do?," Mabel asked worriedly. But Sammy was already running out the door and into the woods, the sounds of the party quickly fading into silence. He ran through the trees, hoping to stop Dipper before it was too late. "Dipper! Dipper!," he hollered as he ran, but there was no answer. Then, after a few minutes of continuous running, he heard voices in the distance and ran towards them. Eventually, he came across a small clearing in the woods.
The clearing was lit up by bright headlights from a black car - the same government vehicle that came by earlier. Dipper was there with the journal, and standing in front of him were the two agents. "Dipper!," said Sammy, crashing out from behind the bushes. "Sammy?!," cried Dipper, turning around and staring at him in shock. "H-how did you…?!" "Mabel told me," said Sammy. He gave the agents a forced smile. "I am so, so sorry about this, gentlemen," he said in as polite a tone as he could manage. "I hope Dipper wasn't bothering you two." "I'm afraid that he thought it would be funny to waste our time," Agent Powers said dryly. "He showed us some tacky, old book filled with all sorts of nonsense. I'd heavily advise that you keep an eye on him and make sure that he doesn't get into any further mischief." "Will do," said Sammy, before he proceeded to grab Dipper by the arm and start dragging him away. "Now come on, let's get back to the party. You don't want to miss karaoke night, do you?" "Ugh, Sammy, will you stop?!," cried Dipper, jerking his arm away. "This is way more important than stupid karaoke!"
"Dipper! Don't do this!," Sammy hissed under his breath, both angered and frightened by what was to come. But Dipper was too blinded by his own obsession to listen. "WAIT!," he cried, turning to face the agents. "This book is real." He began to frantically flip through it.
"Gnomes, cursed objects, spells!," he muttered under his breath as he flipped through the pages before finding the right one. "Dipper, NO!," cried Sammy, but it was too late. "LISTEN! Uh, uh, Corpus Levitas! Diablo Dominus! MONDO VICIUM!," Dipper shouted, reciting a random spell from the journal. His voice echoed throughout the entire forest, and a huge gust of wind came out of nowhere, blowing leaves everywhere. At first, nothing seemed to happen. Then, without warning, the ground beneath them shook like an earthquake, causing everyone there to nearly lose their balance. Then, much to their shock, a large crack opened up in the ground in front of them, with eerie green light and smoke drifting from within. A rotted hand poked out of the crack and pulled itself up, revealing a grotesque zombie. It crawled out of the crack with a moan and lumbered towards them. While Sammy and the two agents were scared out of their minds, Dipper was strangely unafraid. In fact, he was more ecstatic than anything.
"Ha, a zombie! A real, actual, zombie." He turned to face the agents with the journal in his hands. "See? Spooky journal, 100% real. Now can we work together?" "Mother of all that is holy!," Powers choked out, backing away from the zombie, his eyes bulging out of his head and his mouth gaping open like a goldfish. "What do we do?," Trigger asked worriedly.
"It's just one zombie," said Dipper, not seeing what all the fuss was about. He began flipping through the journal again to find a solution. "Trust me, Sammy and I see stuff like this all the time." Suddenly, the zombie roared in Dipper's face, having gotten dangerously close to him without the latter even realizing it. Dipper screamed and stumbled back in terror. At the same time, Sammy picked up a rock and used it to crush the zombie's head, killing it.
Everyone took deep breaths to calm themselves down, glad that the danger was over. "Whew. Oh, good thing it was just that one," said Dipper. Suddenly, the ground started shaking again, and more cracks formed in the ground, emanating that same green light. Dozens of new zombies appeared from those cracks and began crawling towards, certainly far more than they could handle. "Oh my gosh! You guys can help, right?!," Dipper asked the agents.
"Kid, we've been chasing the paranormal for years, but we've never seen anything like this before!," said Powers, feeling, for the first time in his career, genuinely terrified for his life. "Get down!," Trigger suddenly yelled, pulling out his gun. But before he could fire it, a zombie tackled him to the ground, and another zombie tackled Powers. Dipper and Sammy could only watch in horror as the zombies dragged the two agents away into the darkness.
"Oh, my gosh, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!," cried Dipper, the full ramifications of what he had done finally hitting him like a freight train. "Come on!," yelled Sammy, grabbing Dipper and running out of the clearing. They had hoped to be able to outrun the zombies, since they were always portrayed as slow-moving, clumsy creatures in movies. But these zombies were fast… Terrifyingly so. Even with both of them running as fast as they could, the undead had no issues keeping up with them. There were even some zombies popping up out of the ground directly in their path, so they either had to weave through them while narrowly dodging their grabbing and lunges, or Sammy had to punch them out of the way. "Keep running, Dipper! Don't trip! Don't fall behind!," yelled Sammy. "Sammy, I'm so sorry!," cried Dipper, holding onto Sammy's hand while trying his best to keep up with him. "I didn't mean for this to happen! I… I wasn't…"
"Now's not the time to apologize, Dipper!," Sammy yelled harshly. "Just focus on–!" Suddenly, a zombie leaped out of nowhere and tackled Sammy to the ground, right in front of Dipper. Sammy had to push the zombie's face away as it tried to bite at him like a rabid animal. "Oh, no!," Dipper gasped, running over to help. "NO!," growled Sammy, giving Dipper a glare that was so angry and piercing that it stopped the preteen in his tracks. "Stay back! Get back to the shack and warn everyone! Don't wait up for me, do you understand, private?!"
"No!," shouted Dipper, shaking his head. "This is all my fault! I-I-I can't just leave you behind, I–!" Suddenly, Sammy tucked his legs between himself and the zombie on top of him, then kicked it in the stomach, sending it flying into the air and landing a few yards away. Then, Sammy quickly jumped to his feet, reached over, grabbed Dipper by the front of his shirt, and pulled him towards him so that their faces were only an inch apart. As their eyes met, for just a brief moment, Dipper was even more afraid of Sammy than he was of the zombies.
"I. Said. GO!," Sammy roared into Dipper's face, sounding more like a wild animal than a human. Then, he shoved Dipper back, causing him to fall onto his back. So terrified was the preteen that when he got up and ran away, he didn't even look back to make sure that Sammy was alright. It was only when the lights from the party could finally be seen through the trees that Dipper stopped and looked behind him, only to see that Sammy was no longer with him. Feeling more terror, shame, and sadness than he had ever felt before, Dipper could not stop himself from breaking into tears as he ran towards the shack, the sounds of the zombie horde from behind him slowly growing louder and louder with each passing moment.
Meanwhile, everyone at the shack was having the time of their lives, unaware of the brewing danger that was just on the other side of the trees. Karaoke night had already started, and Blubs and Durland were on the stage and rapping. Blubs: "What up, fools. It's Blubs and Durls." Durland: "Making all that money and gettin' them girls!" Their raps weren't so good, but at least their hearts were into it. "WOOOOOO!," the cops cheered afterwards, walking off the stage to make room for Mabel, who ran up to the stage and eagerly grabbed the microphone. "What do you say, guys? Is this party legendary?," she addressed the entire crowd. "When I say 'Mabel,' you say 'Pines'!" The ground began to shake ominously. "Mabel!" A woman in the crowd screamed. "Mabel!" "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!," someone else also screamed. "Why does that never work?," Mabel murmured to herself. The ground began to shake harder.
"Whoa, whoa! I think it's an earthquake!," cried Wendy, trying to keep her balance. She took out her airhorn and blew it to get everyone's attention. "Hey, everybody, we got to get out of here!" The crowd ran for cover, screaming and pushing each other. "We are all doomed!," said Candy. "Quick, into my getaway pouch," said Grenda, holding out a backpack for Candy to jump into so that only her head was sticking out. Then, Grenda ran away along with the crowd while carrying Candy in her backpack and yelling, "Mabel, escape while you still can!"
"Wait, no! Don't leave!," Mabel pleaded to no avail. "We haven't even done our family karaoke song yet!" Everyone ignored her and kept on running until the area around the shack was almost completely empty. The only two people who remained were Mabel and Soos, who up until then, was too distracted by the nachos to notice what was even going on.
Finally, Mabel saw Dipper running towards them with a horde of zombies following close behind, and was able to put two and two together. She stomped up to him and placed her hands on her hips. "Dipper, what's the one thing I asked you not to do tonight?," she asked angrily. For a moment, Dipper said nothing and was just staring at the ground with his hat covering his eyes. Then, to Mabel's worry, he began crying. "He's… He's gone… I left him behind…"
"What do you mean? Left who behind?," asked Mabel. She didn't know why, but for some reason, her chest began to tighten. "Dipper, what happened?" Dipper looked up at her with tears of remorse in his eyes. "Sammy's gone… The zombies got to him…"
"...What?," Mabel whispered, her voice barely louder than a frightened squeak.
But there was no time to mourn. The zombie horde immediately had the entire place surrounded, and they were closing in quickly. Soos heroically stepped in front of the twins with his arms spread wide protectively. "Get back, dudes. This is about to get intense," he said. The group slowly backed away from the zombies, but there was nowhere to go. They couldn't help but scream as they were being cornered. "Sorry, one second," said Soos, before taking out his phone and taking a picture of the zombies. "You got to admit this is pretty cool."
The zombies began to close in on them. "Don't panic. Maybe they're just a really ugly flash mob?!," Mabel asked hopefully. As if to prove her wrong, a nearby zombie tried to take a swing at her, causing both twins to scream and duck before hiding behind Soos.
"Dudes, stay calm. I've been training for this moment my whole life," Soos bragged, standing in front of the twins to shield them from the zombies. "With all the horror movies I've seen, I know literally everything there is to know about how to avoid zombies." Needless to say, hearing that didn't make them feel much better. Soos could be brave and competent when he had to be, but he had no chance against a horde of bloodthirsty zombies. "Oh, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad!," Dipper whimpered. "And it's all my fault too! I can't believe how stupid I was! Now we're all in danger a-and Sammy's probably dead right now because of me!"
"Hold on, dude, what?!," cried Soos, looking back at them in shock and dread. "Sammy is… dead?" The handyman was so shocked and horrified by the news that he didn't notice one of the zombies sneaking up on him and biting his arm. In nearly an instant, Soos' skin became pale and his eyes glowed white. He turned around to face the twins and regarded them with a mindless, but also hungry look in his eyes. "Second though, gonna flip the script. Can I eat your brains? Yea or Nay?" He paused for a moment. "Seeing some Yea faces over here."
The twins, of course, did not stay around after that. They screamed and ran around the side of the house with the zombies in quick pursuit, and an undead Soos leading the way. On the way, Dipper picked up a shovel and used it to slice through a zombie that was in their way. "Quick! The golf cart!," said Dipper, pointing to the cart ahead of them. Unfortunately, a group of zombies attacked the golf cart and began tearing it apart for seemingly no reason.
"Aw, come on!," groaned Dipper. "Hoo, that's a bummer," said Zombie Soos. "Good news for me though, ha ha." Somehow, even after being turned into a zombie, the handyman was still able to somehow retain his personality and speaking ability. "Soos!," snapped Dipper. "Sorry, dude, I just really want those brains!," Zombie Soos chuckled before leading the zombies to them. "Stay back!," yelled Dipper, using the shovel to swat a disco ball at them.
Zombie Soos narrowly dodged the disco ball that was sent his way. The zombie behind him caught it in its mouth and swallowed it, and suddenly, rays of colorful light began shining out from within the living corpse through its ribs, creating a vibrant and awesome image.
"Give it up, dudes! Your fighting only makes us look more rad!," said Zombie Soos as he and the other zombies slowly closed in on the twins. "What do we do? Where's Grunkle Stan?," asked Mabel. "How's he supposed to help? He doesn't even believe in the supernatural!," said Dipper. Then, seeing an opening in the horde, the twins ran past the zombies and headed up to the front door of the shack. Before they could get inside, a zombie popped up in front of them. Mabel grabbed the nearest object she could get her hands on - the karaoke machine - and with a loud yell, used it to knock the zombie's head right off. Normally, she would've cracked a joke after that, saying something like, "This thing's a surprisingly good weapon!" But she couldn't do it, especially not after realizing that one of her best friends might be dead now…
With the zombies still hot on their trail, the twins ran into the shack and slammed the door shut behind them. "Quick! We need to board up all the windows!," said Dipper. The twins quickly piled as many heavy objects as they could in front of the door to keep the zombies out. The zombies tried to break through, but fortunately, the barricade seemed to hold.
"Okay, maybe that'll hold 'em," Dipper said hopefully. Suddenly, a nearby window was shattered, with Zombie Soos' head poking inside. "Hey dudes! By the way, I taught the zombies how to get to the fuse box. Among these dudes, I'm like a genius, haha!" Then, as if things were not scary enough, all the lights went out, bathing everything in dark shadows tinted by eerie red from outside. "Get those brains, dawg!," Zombie Soos egged on as the other zombies crawled through the shattered window. Dipper grabbed Mabel by the arm and ran towards the back door, but the hand of a zombie smashed right through it, causing the twins to back away and end up being forced into a corner as more zombies closed in on them. "Dipper, isn't there something in the journal about defeating zombies?!," asked Mabel. "NO!," cried Dipper, flipping through the journal to no avail. "THERE'S NOTHING IN HERE ABOUT WEAKNESSES!"
He sighed in defeat. "This can't be happening. I wanted answers so bad I put everyone in danger. Now we're toast, it's all my fault, Sammy's probably dead right now, and no one can save us!" Suddenly, a zombie grabbed Dipper's arm and lifted him off his feet.
Mabel screamed and reached for Dipper, but he was out of reach. "Ah, NO! MABEL, I'M SORRY!," cried Dipper as he was about to be eaten. "DIPPER!," Mabel screamed helplessly. It seemed to be the end for those two. After everything they had gone through, this was how they were going to die. As the zombie opened its rotting maw, Dipper squeezed his eyes shut while preparing for the worst, knowing that he had nobody to blame for this but himself…
…A baseball bat slammed into the zombie's face, reducing it to paste. The zombie lets go of Dipper, who fell to the floor. Then, a casted foot stomped down on what remained of the zombie's head, turning it into gunk and powder. The twins looked up in awe at their savior, who was none other than Stan, standing in a heroic pose with his clothes torn up, his fez missing, a bloody baseball bat in his hand, and scratches all over his face. "YOU TWO! ATTIC! NOW!," he yelled. "Grunkle- Grunkle Stan?!," gasped Dipper. "I said NOW!," yelled Stan.
Dipper and Mabel got up and ran away while Stan stayed back to fend off the zombies. "All right, you undead jerks, YOU READY TO DIE TWICE?!" The twins ran through the living room while Stan followed after them, fending off any zombies that got too close with his bat. "The only wrinkly monster who harasses my family is me! Take that! And that!," he yelled with every successive strike of his bat. "Eat it, no eyes!" He got unlucky, however, when one of the zombies managed to bite the baseball bat in half, ridding Stan of his main weapon. Then, that same zombie was knocked to the floor by Stan's fist, which had a brass knuckle.
"ANYONE ELSE WANNA PIECE?!," Stan roared. He began punching down the zombies ferociously, with each blow ringing with the clang of metal. "Look at all of you! Getting beaten by an old man with an injured leg! Some monsters you are!" Unfortunately, that leg would prove to be his undoing. As more zombies piled into the house, one of them snuck up behind Stan and chomped down on his injured leg. Fortunately, the thick cast on his leg protected him from the infectious bite, but he could still feel the zombie's teeth painfully crush his leg like a vice, which caused him to yell out in pain and stumble to the floor. Another zombie lunged towards him, but he was able to grab ahold of its face and push it back, trying to prevent his fingers from being bitten down on. But it was a losing battle for Stan, and the zombie's snapping teeth slowly came closer and closer to his face. The conman gritted his teeth and looked away…
…Suddenly, Stan heard a loud roar. It wasn't the roar of another zombie, but a different, more bestial one that only an enraged animal could produce. He felt the zombie on top of him suddenly get wrenched away by some powerful force, and in Stan's frazzled mind, he thought that some other giant creature from the woods had entered the shack. He opened his eyes and looked up… and saw Sammy holding the zombie in a chokehold with one arm, while stabbing it in the head with a broken shard of glass. Green ooze sprayed everywhere.
Sammy dropped the mutilated zombie to the floor, and for a brief moment, his eyes met Stan's. The conman felt his heart skip a beat, sweat began pouring down his face, and every single muscle in his body tensed up like a coil. He was paralyzed. He couldn't move. The primal instincts in his mind screamed at him to get away from the person - no, the beast - standing in front of him, the old war veteran in a boy's body… A war veteran. How could Stan have already forgotten? Even after Sammy told everyone his story, Stan still couldn't picture him being in the jungles of Vietnam, fighting with every tooth and nail against a hostile environment that wanted to snuff him out… But at that moment, he could. The person who had just saved his life, who was infinitely more dangerous than the zombies, who looked like a demon in the red glow that poured through the windows… Stan could absolutely envisage him as a soldier…
And Sammy's hands, which were now covered in green blood from the zombies… How many people has he killed? How many enemy soldiers has he shot down with his rifle, or sliced apart with his knife, or killed with his bare hands? At that moment, Stan was unable to repress a shudder up his spine, even though he knew that Sammy would never hurt him.
A second later, Sammy broke eye contact to face the zombies that surrounded them. It was only for a short second that Stan peered through Sammy's eyes and saw what was behind them, but in that moment, it felt more like an hour. Stan was never a poetic person. He used to believe that the expression "the eyes are the windows to the soul" was a bunch of baloney. He certainly believed it now… Oh, right. The zombies. He had forgotten about them.
Sammy faced the zombies around them with animalistic rage in his eyes, like a female grizzly bear protecting her cub. The closest image that Stan could conjure up was the image of a lone soldier facing off against an entire army. It was such an outlandish and ridiculous thing to see that if they were to make it out of this alive, and Stan were to tell anyone what he saw, not a single person would have believed him. The zombies growled, moaned, and roared over each other, lumbering towards them like a wave of living flesh. Then, as if things couldn't be even more insane, Sammy took a deep breath… and roared back at the zombies.
If Stan thought he had felt true fear when he and Sammy locked eyes earlier, then he was wrong. It was nothing compared to the fear that he felt when he first heard Sammy actually roar like an animal. It wasn't a battle cry, because no battle cry could ever sound like that. It was more like something dark and dangerous - something that had been completely hidden inside of Sammy until now - finally decided to stop hiding and just let loose. It was the thing that terrified Gideon at the pool, even though the latter had only caught a small glimpse of it.
Sammy's roar was loud, guttural, and reverberated throughout the entire room. Stan was thankful that he didn't have a weak heart, otherwise he would've died right then and there. For a very brief moment, even the zombies halted in their tracks. It was loud enough to be heard from the attic upstairs, where Dipper and Mabel were hiding and waiting anxiously for Stan to come back. When they heard the roar, though it was muffled through the floor and walls, they couldn't help but hug each other tightly and huddle against the wall, fearing that a new creature was now inside the shack. The zombies froze, but only for less than a second before they started moving again, their primal fear that was thought to have been long dead being overridden by their hunger for human flesh. Sammy gripped the glass shard in his hand so tightly that it cut into his palm, causing blood to start dripping from his hand, but he didn't care. Instead, he slightly bent his knees and hunched down, like a giant tiger about to pounce on its prey.
And pounce he did, rushing towards the zombies with no fear, only anger and predatory instinct. Using the glass shard like a knife, he weaved through the zombies while cutting through them, his movements so fluid that he was like a river flowing between rocks. Every movement he made, though they initially seemed violent and reckless, were actually the practiced moves of a professional knife wielder. No movements were wasted. Every cut he made, every scratch and slice to the joints, necks, and eyes, were precise and terrifyingly efficient.
His hands were like a blur. Not only did they move with precision, but they were so fast that Stan could barely make out his movements, and as someone who used to be a boxer and had to spar with people who punched both hard and fast, that was saying a lot. One unfortunate zombie tried to attack Sammy from behind, but the latter saw it coming from a mile away, swiftly turned around, and began attacking the zombie with numerous punches and stabs until it fell back and down on the floor as a twitching, bloody mess. Stan had a very difficult time keeping up with Sammy's speed, but if he had to guess, he just witnessed Sammy stab a zombie twelve times in three seconds before the undead creature finally died a second time.
That was when the conman finally realized something. What the heck am I doing?!, he thought to himself angrily. I'm just sitting there like some bum, too afraid to even move, and I'm just letting him fight 'em off all on his own! Angry at both the zombies and himself, he got back up and joined in the fray, knocking out any zombie that got too close with his brass knuckles. He eventually got to Sammy and stood behind him, with their backs to each other as they glared at the surrounding zombies. "Glad you decided to join the party," Sammy growled under his breath, not taking his eyes off the zombies. "Couldn't let you have all the fun, kid," Stan responded. The two of them glanced at each other and nodded. The zombies growled and started to close in on them. Stan and Sammy charged at them, side by side, like brothers in arms…
Meanwhile, Dipper and Mabel were still huddled up against each other, hiding in the corner of the attic while hoping that neither the zombies nor whatever made that roar were going to enter. Suddenly, something on the other side of the attic door began slamming against it and trying to get inside. The twins, fearing for the worst, hugged each other tighter.
Eventually, the door burst open, with a slightly injured Stan running inside. He bent down and held onto the door frame to keep himself from falling over, coughing harshly while clutching his side. "Oh! Ow. Everything hurts," he groaned. Sammy followed him inside and quickly closed the door behind them, barricading it with a chair. "SAMMY!," Dipper and Mabel cried, running to him and hugging him from both sides. Sammy couldn't help but smile softly and hug them back. "Hey, guys," was all he said, his voice now a bit rough and scratchy. Stan finished coughing and raised an eyebrow at them. "What? No hugs for your great uncle who saved your butts earlier?," he asked. "Grunkle Stan, that was amazing!," cried Dipper, letting go of Sammy and turning to face Stan. "Are you alright?" He rubbed the back of his head and laughed awkwardly. "Heh heh, well, at least you can't deny magic exists anymore, right?," he asked nervously.
"Dipper!," Sammy suddenly hissed, causing Dipper to flinch and look up at him. Sammy was still hugging Mabel while giving Dipper a sharp, piercing glare. "Not. Now." Dipper cleared his throat and looked down at his feet, feeling pretty ashamed. Stan also didn't really appreciate his own nephew's sass, but felt that he deserved the truth anyway, and sighed heavily. "Kid, I've always known," he said. Dipper, Mabel, and Sammy stared at him in shock. "Wait, what are you talking about?," asked Dipper. "Yeah. What are you talking about, Mister Pines?," Sammy asked angrily, narrowing his eyes. Stan sighed again. "Look, I'm not an idiot, okay? Of course this town is weird! And the only thing I know about that weirdness is that it's dangerous!"
A zombie hand suddenly broke through the attic door, causing the group to back away from it to the center of the room. "I've been lying about it to try to keep you away from it. To try to protect you from it!," Stan explained. Then, another zombie suddenly broke through the window, before Stan punched it in the face. The zombie fell through the air and landed on the ground far below. Stan looked out the window and saw that the entire building was surrounded by a giant horde of zombies, with some of them even crawling up the walls. "It looks like I didn't lie well enough," Stan murmured. "If you ask me, you shouldn't have lied to us at all," said Sammy, who was a bit miffed that someone he trusted had been lying to him this whole time. "Then again," he sighed, "I'm probably the last person who has any right to judge you for that."
"What do we do, what do we do?," Mabel asked nervously. "Well, normally the journal would help us," said Dipper, pacing around the room while flipping through the book, "but there's nothing in there about defeating zombies! It's hopeless!" Dipper stopped near a black light, and without knowing it, held the journal underneath it, revealing glowing text on the pages that were not there before. "Wait! Dipper, look!," gasped Sammy, pointing at the journal. "The text!," Mabel cried. "It's glowing in the black light!" "What?," Dipper gasped, flipping through the pages while holding the journal under the black light. Now he could see dozens of new notes on each page, glowing white in the light. Stan, Mabel, and Sammy stared at the pages as well.
"All this time I thought I knew all the journal's secrets, but they're written in some kind of invisible ink!," said Dipper. "Invisible ink?," Stan murmured to himself, his eyes growing wide in shock. "Then it's no wonder the journal felt incomplete!," said Sammy. "The author must have made sure to write their most secretive notes in invisible ink to make sure nobody could steal them! It's genius! And…" He frowned pensively. "...very paranoid." Dipper continued to flip the pages until he got to the section about zombies, and fortunately, there were new notes for that as well. "This is it!," said Dipper, before reading. "'Zombies have a weakness! Previously thought to be invincible, their skulls can be shattered by a perfect four part harmony.'"
"Four part harmony, how can we create that? I have a naturally high-pitched scream…?," Dipper suggested uncertainly. "I'm… pretty good at whistling, I guess?," said Sammy. "And I can make noises with my body? Sometimes intentionally," said Stan. "Boys, boys," said Mabel as she shook her head. "I think you're both missing the obvious solution." "What solution?," Stan asked. Mabel just smiled up at him. "...No. We're not doing that, kid. We are not!"
Meanwhile, the zombies had given up on trying to break in, but they were still wandering around the grounds, searching for more flesh to consume. Suddenly, they heard the screeching of a microphone, and looked up to see Dipper, Mabel, Stan, and Sammy on the rooftop of the shack. Next to them was Mabel's beloved karaoke machine, and Mabel herself was speaking through the microphone. "Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?" She cleared her throat. "Zombies and gentlemen!," she announced. "I'm Mabel, they're Dipper, Sammy, and Stan, and together we're Love Patrol Alpha!" "I never agreed to that name," grumbled an irritated Dipper.
"Hit it!," yelled Mabel. Then, the karaoke machine started playing Taking Over Midnight, the same song that they were supposed to sing at the party. Stan looked at the lyrics on the screen and couldn't help but cringe at what he was seeing. "Uh, Mabel, our lives may not be worth this," he said. Sammy held a microphone up to his face and smirked at Stan. "You're not getting out of this, Stan. We're doing this," he said. Then, it was time to sing.
"'Friday night, and we're gonna party 'til dawn. Don't worry, Daddy, I've got my favorite dress on?!'," sang Dipper, bewildered by that last part. He covered the mic with his hand and looked at Mabel. "Mabel, this is stupid!" Mabel completely ignored him and started singing her part. "'Roll in to the party, the boys are lookin' our way. We just keep dancin', we don't care what they say!'" The zombies, attracted by the loud singing, started to crawl up the walls. "'And all the boys are gettin' up in my face–'," Mabel sang, before a zombie suddenly popped over the edge of the roof and tried to grab at them. "Aah!," cried Mabel, backing away. "Guys, we have to sing together or it won't work!" "Way ahead of you!," said Sammy, before singing into the mic. "'Boys are a bore, let's show 'em the door. We're takin' over the dance floor!'" Everyone else was taken aback by Sammy's singing voice, which was loud and grand, but also smooth and soft, like how one would expect a professional singer to sound. Finally, there came the chorus.
"'Oh-oh! Girls do what we like! Oh-oh! We're taking over tonight! Oh-oh! Girls do what we like! Oh-oh! We're taking over tonight! We're queens of the disco! Oh-oh! Girls do what we like! Oh-oh! We're taking over tonight!'" As the chorus came, all four of them began singing in unison. And after that, something amazing happened. With the very first word, a wave of sound rippled through the air, causing the zombies on the walls to immediately die and fall off. But that wasn't the end of it. As they continued to sing, all the zombies began to cover their ears in agony. And then, their heads started to explode, one by one. Seeing that their plan was working, the group became more invigorated and sang louder. POP! One zombie's head exploded. POP! Another one. POP! POP! POP! More and more zombies blew up from their loud singing.
At some point, Dipper was really starting to enjoy himself. "'Takin' over tooniiiiight!'," he sang loudly, leaning back. He didn't notice that there was one last zombie until it climbed over the roof and lunged at him. "Dipper!," Sammy cried out in worry. "DUCK!," yelled Mabel, aiming her confetti cannon at the zombie. Everyone ducked their heads. Then… BOOM!
Mabel's confetti cannon was powerful enough to blow the zombie's head right off, sending it soaring through the air and landing in a bowl of punch. As if to signify their victory, the sun started rising above the horizon, bathing and illuminating the entire place in a yellow glow. "Thank you! We'll be here all night!," said Mabel. "Deal with it, zombie idiots!," Stan laughed maniacally. "PINES! PINES! PINES! PINES!," everyone cheered in unison.
After all that excitement, they all regrouped in the living room. Stan was eventually able to find his fez, and put it back on. Sammy looked around and winced at the terrible state that the room was in. "This is going to take a while to clean up," he sighed. He was not looking forward to having to clean up zombie guts for the rest of the week. "I'm sorry about this, guys. I totally ruined everything," said Dipper, hanging his head. "Dipper, are you kidding me? I got to sing karaoke with my three favorite people in the world! No party could ever top that," said Mabel. Dipper smiled gratefully, glad that his sister had forgiven him. But there was one more person to apologize to. "And I'm sorry for putting everyone in danger, especially you," he said to Sammy. "I was so desperate to talk to those agents that… I-I did something incredibly stupid, and… y-you almost died because of… Yeah. I'm sorry." Sammy sighed tiredly, but gave Dipper a smile that was genuine, if not slightly strained. "You're safe now. That's all that matters."
"Kids, listen," Stan spoke up, getting everyone's attention. "This town is crazy. So you need to be careful. I don't know what I'd do with myself if you got hurt on my watch. I'll let you hold on to that spooky journal, as long as you promise me you'll only use it for self-defense, and not go looking for trouble." "Okay, but as long as you promise me that you don't have any other bombshell secrets about this town," said Dipper. "Promise," said Stan. "Promise," said Dipper. With a quick glance, Sammy could immediately tell that Dipper was crossing his fingers behind his back. He refrained from saying anything at the moment, but let out a deep exhale through his nostrils in frustration. He was definitely going to have a talk with Dipper later.
If he had looked closer, he would've noticed that Stan was doing the same thing.
"Man, we have got a lot of zombie damage to clean up," said Stan, looking around in exasperation. "Where's my handyman anyway?" Sammy's eyes went wide. He knew he was forgetting something! "Soos!," he cried out in a panic. "Oh no, we didn't accidentally–?!" Before he could finish his sentence, Zombie Soos suddenly stumbled into the living room.
"Brains! Braaains!," he groaned, lumbering towards them with outstretched arms. "Holy Moses!," yelled Stan, who grabbed a nearby chair and was about to slam it over Soos' head. "Wait!," said Dipper, holding out the journal. "There's a page in here about curing zombification. It's gonna take a lot of formaldehyde." "Ooh, and cinnamon!," said Mabel. Sammy breathed a huge sigh of relief, thankful that Soos wasn't one of the zombies that got their heads exploded. "Alright, I guess it's time to fix you up. Come on, Soos," he said, gently picking up the zombified handyman and carrying him over his shoulder. "Brains! Braaains!," Soos groaned.
"Soos, cut it out!," said Mabel. "Heheh, sorry dude!," said Soos. Sammy shook his head in disbelief while carrying Soos to the kitchen. How the handyman was able to retain his mental faculties even after being turned into a zombie was beyond him. Clearly, this was one of those mysteries that needed to be figured out. Meanwhile, Dipper was walking alongside him and excitedly flipping through the pages of the journal while shining a portable black light on it. "I can't believe it!," he said. "All this time the author's secrets were hiding in plain sight! A whole new chapter of mysteries to explore…" Sammy, on the other hand, could not share in Dipper's excitement. He couldn't help but feel that things were going to get even weirder from here on out… and he had absolutely no idea if that was a good thing or a bad thing…
Meanwhile, two certain FBI agents crawled out of a ditch in the woods. Their suits were torn up and their bodies had scratches on them, but other than that, they were fine. "That was insane! I've never seen anything like it! Who do we report to?," asked Trigger.
Powers was clearly shaken by what had just transpired, but managed to keep his composure. He noticed a zombie skull clinging to his suit by its teeth and ripped it off, watching the head crumble into dust in his hand. "This is bigger than we imagined. We need to bring in the big guns," he said. "But they'll never believe us!," Trigger protested. "Then we'll make them believe us," said Powers, harshly poking Trigger in the chest. "I was right. This is the town we've been searching for. Never in all my years have I ever seen a paranormal hotspot as big as this. We almost got killed by zombies, Trigger!" "Yes, but how can you be sure that we'll find the Four Horsemen here?," asked Trigger. "Wherever the supernatural is, the Horsemen are never far behind. I'm certain of that," said Powers, glaring into the distance. "They're planning something, and now we know that it's far beyond what we envisioned previously. And if their plan were to come to fruition… then a zombie apocalypse would be the least of our worries…"
Suddenly, Toby Determined walked by them with a blindfold on, swinging a baseball bat while making weird noises. He had been trying to hit a pinata at the party, but somehow got lost in the woods just before the zombies arrived, and for the entire time, had been none the wiser. "Aah! Another zombie!," said Trigger. "Drop your weapon! Drop your weapon!," yelled Powers, aiming his gun at him. Toby stopped and took off his blindfold to look at the agents.
Realizing their mistake, the agents quickly put their guns away while muttering to each other somewhat awkwardly. "Oh, it's just–Who is that guy?–just a very ugly man."