Change The Fate: The Fallen Angel Arise
By TheUndefeatable
Disclaimer: (noun) a denial or disavowal of legal claim: relinquishment of or formal refusal to accept an interest or estate.
Rate: Rated T just to be safe
Summary: There is always a light in the middle of darkness, you just must be brave enough to see it and to embrace it! Then, you will see that you don't need to take the burden all by yourself; you see that you are not alone. A sequel to 'Face The World Alone: Tale Of A Fallen Angel'
Warning: Mention of child abuse and attempted suicide, some violence and bloodshed in later chapters, but not any thing explicit! Don't like it, don't read it!
A/N: *peeking from behind the couch* Oh, Hi! Yes, I'm still alive. I know I said I will update in a few months and it had been a year, and I really did try, but I was in really bad place (mentally) and it took me quite a while to produce something...acceptable. I am still not happy with it, but I don't think I can make it any better.
I would like to thank everyone who read, commented, and left kudos! Your support gave me great motivation!
Let me know what you think.
Chapter 19: Restoration
It was Sunday night. Severus after eating his dinner, went back to his room to make sure he was ready for tomorrow. He looked again at his schedule. He had a double transfiguration class first thing in the morning, which meant Lily was going to be there. However, it also meant that most of the people who he didn't want to meet, were going to be there, as well; namely the Marauders and Malciber and some of his gang. It made Severus nervous.
After Dumbledore tricked him into staying in his rooms, Severus thought long and hard about how to justify it to his housemates. How to cement his new position in Slytherin hierarchy without alienating everyone. He had even came up with a plan to achieve it, but the issue with the whole thing was the presence of the bloody Marauders. If those idiots decided to intervene and undermine Severus as they usually do, then the whole thing would backfire. However, Marauders were an issue that he had to deal with for five years and had not yet found a permanent solution for. So there was nothing he could do about it, he will just have to deal with it as he always does: rolling through punches, sometimes even literally.
Needing something to occupy his mind with, he checked his school bag again and made sure he had got all his books and other supplies, including the assignment he had to hand in tomorrow in class and his potions. Having checked that he went to check everything else. He looked at his school robes – brand new for the first time. In a way, he felt like he was a first year student, what with the brand new everything and the nervousness. Not having anything else to do, he started to think about different scenarios tomorrow. Lily promised to meet him tomorrow early morning in front of kitchen. They planned to eat their breakfast here and spend some time walking outside, as this would be Severus' first time going out – their shopping spree not counting, since they spent most of the time inside one shop of another. That part was something that Severus was actually looking forward to. The main problem was when they went to the class. Would anyone even notice or recognize him? He unconsciously ran his hand through his hair, which was clean and soft. At first, he wanted to cut it in the same length and style he usually did, but for some reason he decided not to – maybe now that he felt a little differently about himself, he wanted a physical manifestation of it; like he needed to look like a different person. If only he could change his name and everything else as simply as his hair style.
A pop and appearance of Skippy saved him from spiraling down.
"Headmaster wants to see you in his office, Young Master."
"I told you to just call me Severus. I will go see him now."
Not knowing what the purpose of this night time meeting was, Severus made his way toward the Headmaster office. Entering the room, he saw Dumbledore sitting in one of the armchairs in front of the fireplace in his office, sipping tea.
"Come Severus, sit down. Have some tea and biscuits"
Sitting down, Severus poured tea for himself and looked expectantly at Dumbledore. Dumbledore, pretending to not have noticed continued to drink his tea with biscuit. There was a minute of silence. Just when Severus' patience reached its end and opened his mouth, Dumbledore said. "These biscuits are really good."
"Somehow I doubt that's the reason you called me here."
"Why? Can't I want to share a tasty snack with my ward?" Looking at Severus' frowning face, he amended. "Drink your tea, Severus. I will explain while you are enjoying the tea and biscuit."
Seeing that Dumbledore was not going to continue, he did as he was told. Picking up a biscuits, he took a bite – it was indeed delicious. He blew on his tea and took a sip only to spit it out at Dumbledore's next words.
"I called you to just let you know that there is a possibility that some of your housemates and other students might be aware of some of the details of your abuse and suicide case."
"What?" Severus asked dumbly.
"I tried to keep all the information confidential and even to give proper incentive to people involved to not let things from getting out. However, as you can imagine, the fact that I accepted the guardianship of a student has attracted a lot of attention at the ministry. So while I am confident that the cases were not revealed, some of the details have spread as rumors."
Severus put down his cup. "And you are telling me this only now?"
"It is not an important matter."
"Not important?! How half the school knowing about my private life is not a big deal?"
Dumbledore sighed and said. "As I mentioned, it is only rumors."
"You don't know that!"
"Not for sure, no, but as I've said I am confident that is the case. Even if it is not, you can say it is, because there would be no way they can prove otherwise. That is actually why I am telling you, so that if anyone mentioned anything, you won't be caught off guard. However, I expect it would be some time before the words spread that you are my ward, as I did all I could to keep your name out."
Severus hided his face in his hands, feeling a headache coming. This made things even worse. It could mean anything between 'his plan will go smoothly and get the desired result' and 'it is going to be a disaster'. Why did Dumbledore always do this to him? Did he enjoy pulling the rug from right under him?
~~oOo~~
Severus got up the next morning feeling exhausted. He tossed and turned in bed the whole night. The little he slept was filled with nightmares.
Once, he dreamed of the incident by the lake, only this time the whole school was there laughing at the scars and bruises Tobias left him. His other dream was similar to a dream he saw before: a hooded figure stood before him and belittled him, its face and voice alternated between his father, Lucius, Dumbledore, and Lily. All the while Potter and Black were dancing with a transformed werewolf Lupin in the background, and Pattigrew and some of the Slytherins were singing a song about the full moon.
He did his morning routine quickly and left his rooms after one last check on the content of his bag. The headmaster office was empty thankfully, so Severus exited the room and quickly made his way toward the kitchen. It was early, so there was no one in the hallways which Severus was thankful for. The last thing he needed right now was an encounter when he was not ready. One of the reasons that Lily and he decided on eating breakfast in the kitchens and taking a walk before the class, was for Severus to prepare himself mentally for the classes – even though a voice in his mind kept telling him that he never will be ready.
When he reached the kitchen and saw Lily waiting beside the entrance, he felt the knot in his stomach loosen. The images from his dream of Lily laughing at him along with the whole school and Lily belittling him vanished. For the first time since he woke up he felt he could face the school today...because she would be there.
As he neared, Lily turned to face him and her beautiful eyes lit up when they made contact with his. The corner of Severus' lips involuntarily twitched up and he fastened his pace to reach her.
"Morning Severus!"
"Good morning."
"Did something happen? You look tired."
"Nothing important, just didn't sleep last night. Let's go in."
They went in and sat down at one of the tables. Soon the house elves brought breakfast for them and they started to eat. As they ate, Lily kept poking at Severus, until Severus caved in and told her about his conversation with Dumbledore.
"Maybe the headmaster didn't tell you earlier to not make you worry."
"And dumping it on my head the night before makes me worry less?"
"No, but I know you. If he told you last week, then you would have worried about it the whole week and instead of one sleepless night, you would be insomniac the entire week."
It was an accurate assessments, but what he could not tell Lily was that during that one week he could have came up with several plan and counter measure on how to deal with any backlash the leaked information might cause.
After breakfast, they took a walk outside the castle. Although Severus had gotten a lot stronger over the last month, he still did tire after walking for a time, so when they reached the lake, he suggested they sit a little before going back. They found a large stone and after removing the snow, they both sat down and looked at the frozen lake and the snow white forest in the distance. Severus unconsciously started to finger his coat. This was the first time in his life that he was enjoying a winter scenery this much, because usually he was too cold in his threadbare cloths to have time to look around much and enjoy the scenery – after all there was only so much that a warming spell could do.
They sat there in silence for some time, just enjoying the fresh air and scenery, and reveling in each other's presence. It had been quite some time since they just spent some time together...without any fights about their housemates or other things. They made sure that they left the lakeside early enough to miss the bulk of students going to breakfast and made their way toward the transfiguration class, without coming across many students. Since the door to the classroom was open, they entered and – at Severus' insistence – sat at the back of the class. Severus tried to prepare himself mentally for the class. This would be the first time in several month that he was in presence of this many people, and even the thought of it made a pit open up in his stomach.
The first people entering the class were a group of three Ravenclaws and two Hufflepuffs who did not pay any attention to Severus and Lily and found some seats for themselves. Lily seeing how nervous Severus was becoming, started to engage him in conversation regarding the latest topic McGonagall had covered and soon, they both had their textbook open and were discussing the details of the theory behind the spell. And that was why both of them missed the next group's entrance.
~oOo~
James has been worried lately. Lily has been skipping meals lately and from what he had heard from Alice and Mary, she had been disappearing to somewhere during their free periods and weekends, as well. What was even more worrying was that when James checked their map on those occasions, she was nowhere to be seen. Following Remus' advice, he refrained from directly approaching her and instead sent Remus and the girls to make sure she is okay. From what he heard, she was doing fine, but no one could get a clear answer as to where she kept disappearing. The few times that James saw Lily, she looked fine, if a little withdrawn and spaced out, but now James was thinking that maybe some sort of dark magic was involved, so when he saw that Lily was missing both from the dinner last night and today's breakfast, he was quite worried. None of the girls in their dormitory had seen her come in last night – she had a patrolling shift with a Ravenclaw – or leave this morning. His only hope was to see her in class – after all Lily never had missed any class these a few weeks. So he was going ahead of Sirius and Remus – who were arguing about something – and Peter who was trailing behind the other two.
Entering the classroom his eyes searched for that fiery red hairs and sure enough found her...sitting at the back of the class. She seemed to be engaged in a discussion with someone – about something related to schoolwork, James guessed, if her frequent pointing to her textbook was any indication. James turned his focus on her companion. It took him a minute to recognize the person. A few blinks and a pinch later, he believed that, no, he was not seeing wrong or dreaming. Snape definitely looked different; His hair was clean...and longer and his cloth looked...new and crisp, which was why James didn't recognize his immediately. However, there was no mistaking that nose or that hunched posture. What James didn't understand was that how he was alive and back being friends with Lily. He was trying to come up with an explanation when he heard Sirius' voice behind him.
"Hey, James, have you fallen sleep in the doorway, or what? What have you seen that has made you so still?" Next moment, he stood beside James and looked in the direction he was looking.
"Ah, so the sight of you lady love together with...what? What is he doing here?" He hissed the last part.
Remus who was looking over their shoulder at the same scene looked behind him and then whispered to them. "Shh...you are blocking the door. Let's sit down first." The group made their way toward their usual seats. After sitting down they started to whisper.
"What is he doing here? I thought you said he was dead!" Sirius whispered to James.
"I told you, he was in a bad condition and then his bed was empty. What else could have happened?"
"He was sent to Saint Mungo's?" Peter said uncertainly.
"If they wanted to take him there, then why did they bring him to Hogwarts in the first place and kept him there for days?"
"Now that you mention it, it was strange that they did not take him there." Remus said thoughtfully.
"Who knows? What matters is that he is alive and now we need to decide what we need to do!" Sirius said with a gleam in his eyes.
"Nothing. Remember that night we thought he died? I said we can start by leaving him alone. We put the thought aside, since we thought he was dead, but now that we know he isn't, how about we start with just leaving him be?" Remus' tone was suggestive, but the gleam in his eyes showed an inner anger; the only sign that Sirius was not completely forgiven for what he had done last year.
Sirius tried to cover his unease at Remus' reaction with a nonchalant shrug. "I don't have any problem with doing that, it is James who can't."
James whose eyes had unconsciously gone to the topic of their discussion, turned sharply toward Sirius. "What? Why can't I?"
"Well, after all Snape is back being two peas in a pod with your lady love."
James looked at Lily and Snape, again. Yes, it – indeed – seemed that they were back being friends. However, James did not feel the resentment he felt before. Maybe the fact that Snape was alive had not sunk in yet, because he still could feel the guilt he had felt this last month for separating the two friends. The same guilt which stopped him from asking Lily out again.
It was a feeling James didn't want to feel ever again. So, he decided there and then that he wants to do things differently: He will win Lily over fair and square. He will not use the same methods as before. Snape was no match for him anyway. Having made up his mind, he turned to Sirius and said. "Nah, it is fine. Snape is no threat to me. So they being friends doesn't matter."
Of course, being friends with Lily was not the only reason that Snape was their favorite target and James never said that he would leave Snape alone. But they have time for that later, after all, Sirius and him need to plan their prank carefully...to make sure that neither Lily nor Remus would find out about it.
In the next moment, Alice and Mary, Lily's friends sat in the row in front of them and immediately turned to them.
"Who is that Lily is sitting with?"
Even though they knew who Mary was talking about, they all turned to check again, because sure Snape looked different, but not that different for Alice and Mary to not recognize him. Although, in their defense, the Maraudars has seen Snape's ugly face a lot more than either of them – and it still took James a minute to recognize him.
"It is Snape." Sirius said simply.
"Snape? Wow, he looks different. He sure has cleaned up well." Alice said with a small smile.
"I can care less about how groomed he is. What I want to know is that what is Lily doing being friends with him again? I thought she had washed her hands of him! Or maybe she did, but Snape had used some sort of dark magic on her." Her face darkened at the thought.
James and Sirius shared a look and looked at the two sitting at the back. It surprised both of them that none of them had thought about dark magic being involved. Thinking about their options, James catch the expression on Remus' face and knew what they needed to do. "We will talk with McGonagall after class about this."
This plan was satisfactory for everyone and they returned to their own discussion, while they still stole glances at the pair in the back of the glass. That was how they missed the entrance of two group of Slytherins both of which ignored the rest and sat in their seats. Not soon after McGonagall entered the class and the class started.
When the class started, Severus took a moment to survey the class and breathed a sigh of relief. He was not sure whether it was because he looked different or not, but it seemed both the group of Slytherins – Mulciber and his cronies – and the Maraudars had not noticed him. It was not that much of surprise that Malciber and his friends had not noticed him; after all neither him nor Lily were the kind of people who those Slytherins would pay attention to. However, it was weird that Potter and Black did not make a scene, because even if Severus looked so different he was unrecognizable – he was not, not really – still the fact that Lily was sitting with someone they didn't know should have been enough for them to come over and make a scene. Come to think of it, the same could be said about Lily's girlfriends who Severus could see were sitting with Maraudars.
Whatever the reason, Severus was thankful for his current peace. So he decided to put the thought aside to contemplate later and tried to listen to McGonagall's explanation.
The theoretical part of the class was over soon and they were given their feather duster to start the transfiguration. Lily, in a fit of Lily-wise impulsivity, suggested for them to compete and see which one of them can turn their feather duster to ferret faster.
Severus usually had reservations about participating in such behavior in class, but today he was grateful, and readily accepted. As McGonagall's lecture had progressed, Severus found concentrating harder and harder. He was aware that he had not been in presence of this many people for a long time, but he didn't think that it would affect him this much. They were not even looking at him and yet...he felt claustrophobic...just because they were there. So by the time the practical part of class started, Severus was ready to do anything to distract himself from his situation.
He had to ask Lily to explain some parts of the theory that he missed due to his near panic. Lily gave him a concerned look, but then started to help him. Soon after they both started their transfiguration. As usual Lily's excitement was contagious and Severus was soon completely engaged in their competition, working on his transfiguration, all the while keeping an eye on Lily's progress. While they were competing, it was a friendly competition, so Lily corrected his pronunciation of the spell by referencing McGonagall's explanation about theory and Severus corrected her wand movements. Their competition was interrupted by McGonagall's voice.
"Mr. Potter, that is an excellent transfiguration. Well done! 5 points to Gryffindor."
Severus and Lily shared a look which said 'duh' and again concentrated on their work, whispering about their difficulties with the transfiguration and sharing ideas about how to solve them.
Their competition soon came to an end when both of them – at the same time – transfigured their feather duster successfully. They both stayed in stunned silence, looking at Severus' transfiguration. Lily had always been rather good at transfiguration, so it was no surprise that her ferret looked great. In contrast, Severus had always struggled in transfiguration. He was usually one of the last people who managed to do his transfiguration in class and while their quality could be considered decent, they never looked this good. Severus personally believed it was due to McGonagall's help who went over the materials from previous years with Severus and explained the parts he had problem with. He shared a proud look with Lily and seeing her grin made the corner of his lips twitch up, as well. However, his happiness was short lived as McGonagall's voice rang out around the class.
"Mr. Snape, that is a great transformation! You have done well with the detail, you too, Miss. Evans. 5 points to Slytherins and Gryffindors each."
If it was any other time, Severus would have enjoyed the proud look on McGonagall's face and basked in her praises. However, at that time the only thing he could think about was that the whole class was looking at them; at him. He planned to go unnoticed for as long as possible, but McGonagall may as well have put him on a stage with lights shining on him. Severus felt the walls were closing on him. It was not the first time he was the center of the attention – and usually it meant he was in a humiliating situation. But for the first time in his life, Severus felt like he couldn't breath properly. His mind kept repeating that the last thing he needs is to breakdown in front of everyone because McGongall praised him. So with astronomical willpower he managed to say. "Thank you, Professor."
His voice was smaller than he intended and he saw McGonagall's brow coming down in a frown, but thankfully she didn't say anything else and made her way to the front of the class. And while the Ravenclaws and some of the Hufflepuffs turned back to their work, the rest were staring at him and whispering. And it made Severus' panic rising to a new level and a buzzing sound filled his ears. Just as Severus felt he had lost control and is going to have a breakdown, a calming hand tugged on his arm. He turned and came face to face with Lily's concerned green eyes; And it felt like a blanket has fallen on his thoughts, smothering the flames of panic. Severus tried to concentrate on his best friend and forget everything else. Her hand on his arm was warm and it was grounding. He looked at her and saw that she was speaking. He tried to push through the buzzing in his ears and concentrated on her voice and after a few moments, her words, together with the sound of the whole classroom rushed in:
"Severus, Severus, are you alright? What is wrong?" Lily was whispering. Severus noticed he was panting and tried to control his breathing. After a few moments, he replied.
"I'm fine." Seeing Lily's unconvinced look, he said. "I'm fine now. I'll explain after class." Lily nodded and looked at the clock to check the time, but she did not remove her hand from his arm and he was thankful even though he would never admit it. As Severus was getting his bearings, he discretely looked around. Thankfully, it seemed that the class – both students and the teacher – missed his little episode and since Lily was whispering, she did not attract any attention , as well. When the class time was over, Lily put her stuff in her bag quickly – together with any of Severus' stuff that Severus had yet to put in his bag. Then she took Severus' hand and before he could say anything or object, dragged him toward the exit. They needed to talk and they needed privacy for that. Since it was lunch time, they actually had enough time for that.
~~oOo~~
James could not believe what he heard. Since when had Snape became so good at transfiguration? Was it possible that it was not actually Snape, but an impostor? That would definitely explain the perfect transfiguration – and his clean and pristine appearance. No one, no matter how much they tried, could replicate Snape's appearance. Maybe he could tell McGonagall about his suspicions, as well, because it would mean that Lily is in even more danger. Maybe, it would be too late by then. He should go over to their desk with some excuse and investigate. He was about to – accidentally – throw his quill toward the back of the class, when Remus' hand came down on it, holding it in place. It was surprising that James had not even noticed Remus move. Remus did not say anything, but the look in his eyes was enough to dissuade him. Remus did a minute shake of his head for emphasize and then removed his hand and turned to his half-transfigured feather duster.
James tried to occupy himself with helping Sirius and especially Peter with their transfiguration, but his mind kept circling back to the two people sitting at the back of the class. When the class ended, James was ready to confront Snape-impostor, only to see him – literally – getting dragged out of the class by Evans.
A quick look around showed that he was not the only one who was looking at the departing pair. The other Maraudars, Lily's friends, the Slytherins, some of the Ravenclaws sitting near the door, and even McGonagall were looking. It made him even more sure about his suspicions.
With a look at his friends, they together with Alice and Mary collected their stuff and after making sure that the Slytherins had left the classroom, all six of them made their way toward McGongall's desk.
Minerva was not sure what to think of Severus' reaction to her praise. There was something going on and she intended to ask him to stay behind to talk to him about it. However, before she even opened her mouth, Lily dragged him out of the class. She was sure that Lily had noticed his reaction, and if she knew one thing about Lily, it was that she won't give up until she got to the bottom of it. So, it seemed that Severus was in good hands. She will talk with Severus later, but currently it seemed that her lions needed her.
They all gathered around her desk. They looked nervous and worried. "Has something happened?"
"Professor, we think someone has casted a dark spell on Lily." Alice started.
"Someone?" Mary looked at Alice like she had sprouted two heads. She then turned to Minerva and said. "Professor, Snape had used dark magic on Lily. Why else would she be friends with him again? We told her so many times to ditch that slimy Slytherin and she finally did it last year and now suddenly she is back being friends with him!"
"Well, I am not sure about Snape casting a dark spell on her, but it is true that Lily has not been acting like herself recently." Remus said uncertainly.
"Do we even know that it is actually Snape?" every head swirled to look at James in shock. "I mean Snape never been this good at transfiguration and you all mentioned that he looks different. Who says that he is not just an impostor?"
'This is getting ridiculous' Minerva thought to herself. And it seemed that the others were actually considering this latest theory. 'Time to put a stop to it'. Sirius opened his mouth, but Minerva beat him to it.
"Mr. Potter, I can assure you that there is no impostor involved. That person is Mr. Snap." Turning to Mary, she continued. "Also, I am certain no dark magic has been cast on Miss. Evans to make her become friends with Mr. Snape, again. If you want to know why she is being friends with him, you have to ask her, but do remember that you have no right to tell Miss. Evans who she can or cannot be friends with. You can share your concerns and opinion with her, but in the end it is her decision and as her friends you need to respect that."
"But professor, Snape is a Slytherin and they all hate muggleborns. Snape has clearly ulterior motives for being friend with Lily. What if he hurts her?" Alice said.
"It is not true that all Slytherins hate muggleborns, after all there are muggleborns in Slytherin, as well."
"What?"
"How can that be?"
They were all shocked by this revelation, and Minerva took the chance to make her next point. "That is true and since Mr. Snape is friend with Ms. Evans, doesn't that mean that he actually doesn't hate muggleborns, as well?"
"But he is part of the group of Slytherins who harass muggleborns."
"I see why you came to the conclusion that he hates muggleborns and wants to hurt Lily, but can you think of another explanation why would he want to be part of such a group when he is friend with a muggleborn?"
They shared a glance at the strange question, but none of them said anything. After a few moments, Remus caught on what she was saying and said. "That way he will have their protection and..." His eyes widened at the realization. "He can protect Lily from them, as well."
Minerva nodded in assent. "Professor, are you saying that is why Snape is friend with those nasty Slytherins?"
"What I am saying is that none of you actually know Mr. Snape, since I doubt any of you ever held a conversation with him." She gave a pointed look to Maraudars, then continued. "So it would be prudent to refrain from making any assumption about him and his reasoning."
They did not look convinced, but they did not protest, either. So Minerva continued. "Is there any other concern you want to share with me?"
They shared another glance which Minerva could not decipher, then James said. "No, Professor." They turned and left the classroom. After they left, Minerva let out a sigh. She knew that this was an issue that Severus and Lily need to take care of on their own. She could not fight this battle for them, but she hoped that she had helped them a little. She was not sure, but she really hoped that her lions would at least think about what she said. If Albus was right, things were about to get worse – and maybe even a war might be on horizon – and this kind of extreme thinking is exactly the fuel for the flame of conflict. Minerva was self-aware enough to see that they – the professors and staff – were partly to blame for this conflict in school – Severus' case was a clear evidence of that. However, she was going to do her best to change that. She even planned a meeting with other professors to discuss this matter.