"The only reason people cling so tightly to their old memories is because it's the only thing that doesn't change, even though people do."

Unknown

Hermione found herself in the presence of a strange individual called Guardian. He wouldn't tell her where Remus was, and his superior air annoyed her to no end. Remus was lost between the dream and the afterlife according to him, and she had never heard anything so crazy, except perhaps the riddles in the Book of Time. She'd lost track of the book, by the way, and given its vital importance, that was a big problem.

"I'm cursed, what have I done to deserve this."

"Don't take word magic lightly Hermione Granger, all our words have repercussions. Anyway, it's time to test your physical potential young human."

The guardian ordered Hermione to stand up, but she didn't do so quickly enough in his opinion, so he made her stand up with a snap of his fingers.

"En garde!"

Hermione grabbed her wand and stood on guard, as the watcher had instructed, but the watcher shook his head and said:

"Don't take that" he began, pointing at her wand. "I want to test your physical potential, not your magical potential."

"Are we going to fight Muggle style?"

"Yes" he said. "And no. You'll see. En garde Hermione Granger."

The guard struck the first blow, followed closely by Hermione. Both were fighting as if their lives depended on it. Hermione didn't really know why she was fighting so hard but her instincts told her to and over the years she had learned to listen to her instincts. She was aching all over and her face was bleeding, no matter how hard she hit the guard, he didn't have a scratch on him. Hermione redoubled her energy, but nothing changed.

"Go deep within yourself! Use your magic."

At Hermione's disconcerted look, he sighed.

"You humans think too much, you have to analyse everything."

"But I don't have a wand."

"Are you a witch or not? You use the wand to channel your energy. It doesn't contain your magic. The magic comes from you, is within you. Feel it, and use it to fight. You have learned Muggle combat to defend yourself and you are right, magic is not everything. But you must combine magic and combat to become stronger. Do it again."

Hermione stood on guard and threw the first punch. When the Guardian was afraid to retaliate, she followed up with a spell and her opponent fell to his knees. She gave him another blow and bound him with her mind, and ropes appeared. The guard lay stunned at her feet, Hermione was at a loss as to what to do and sat down on the floor, hoping that the guard would wake up soon. She couldn't believe that she had used magic without a wand. Of course, like all young wizards, she had used it as a child before entering Hogwarts, but accidental magic was not the same thing.

"I must say I'm impressed, I didn't expect you to get it right the first time."

Hermione turned abruptly to the voice. The Guardian stood there before her as if nothing had happened. She glanced briefly at where the body had been a few seconds ago.

"How could you, how did you do it? You were there and now you're here."

"Oh how naive you are…" he hurried on before the young woman could retort. "I wasn't going to fight you either. It's all an illusion. You fought against my illusion. I only fight against it now. And against my wife when she feels like it. She'd rather beat me than herself. Anyway, I strongly advise you to train yourself to fight like you just did. Getting your mind to disassociate is not as hard as you think. It is the fighting that is difficult. I can tell you that you have passed, to my surprise, the Physical Potential Test Hermione Granger. You are powerful, there is no doubt about that. Use that power wisely. I implore you. Farewell."

"But you can't just leave! Where is Remus? And if I succeeded, I should have the Jewel of Time, shouldn't I?"

The Guardian did not take the time to answer him. He snapped his fingers and disappeared. Hermione felt the floor shake and she was sucked out of the room. She landed hard on a stone floor. She got up immediately and looked around. She was in a medium-sized living room. There was a sofa and two armchairs. The place looked new and old at the same time, it was a strange feeling. Hermione was browsing through the items on a shelf when she heard a thud. She turned around abruptly and saw a body lying full length but at a strange... angle. Hermione approached the body and recoiled. It was Remus.

Remus sat quietly in the grass, playing with the daisies at his feet. Remus was looking forward to Saturday, Saturday he would be big, Saturday he would be five. His mum had taught him to count and he was proud to know that in three days he would be grown up.

"Remus, dinner is served" Lyall Lupin called to him.

Remus ate in silence, watching his parents. He thought they were beautiful. His parents were very good parents. Remus knew that his parents didn't have much money and that some people said they were 'poor'. Remus had asked his mum what this meant. Hope had told him that he shouldn't worry about it, but Remus didn't agree. He would be grown up soon, and he could protect his parents. He could read but he didn't have a book to look up words they didn't know. Remus was brought out of his thoughts by his daddy telling him that it was time to go to bed. Remus obeyed, even though he would have preferred to stay and read a book with his mummy and daddy.

Remus lay in his bed, looking at the stars before falling asleep. Remus had always loved the stars. In fact, it was the only thing he liked at night. He was afraid of the dark, that's why he looked at the stars, they gave him light. Remus heard a loud noise above his head. He saw a shadow, it was very frightening and it was full of hair. Remus was looking at the same monster that was in his nightmares. He checked every night before going to sleep to see if there was one under his bed or under his parents' bed. But Remus was sure, he had not forgotten to check for a monster, so why was it there? The monster pawed and broke Remus' window. It lunged at him and started to bite him. Remus was in pain, much more than when he broke his arm the year before. Remus cried but the monster didn't care, it continued to hurt him. Remus saw red, lots of red. Remus liked red, but not this red. Remus liked red that didn't hurt.

Remus heard a door slam in the distance and recognized his daddy's voice. Yes, it was his daddy and he had come to save him. That's what dads do, right? His daddy shooed the monster away and turned to him.

"It's okay Rem'."

"Daddy, it hurts" Remus whispered, his cheeks filling with tears.

Remus felt his body expand, he was in great pain. Why couldn't his daddy help him? And Remus, who hated the dark so much, found himself plunged into it.

Remus struggled in the void. He hated reliving his bite. It was his first memory, and he was anything but happy.

Remus was sitting at the Gryffindor table with James and Sirius, debating the next prank they could play on the Slytherins.

"Maybe we should tell him to come with us, don't you think? He gets attacked by the Slytherins a lot."

"If you like" Sirius replied nonchalantly.

Remus walked over to the boy sitting a few feet away.

"Do you want to come eat with us?"

Seeing that the boy hesitated, Remus smiled and introduced himself.

"My name is Remus Lupin, we're in the same year in Gryffindor."

"You want me to come and eat with you" the boy stammered.

"Yes, that's what I just said."

The boy joined the trio, and new friendships began. Remus Lupin, James Potter and Sirius Black became friends with Peter Pettigrew.

Remus could never forgive himself for this mistake. He had learned to live with his damnation, as he called his 'problem'. But he could never accept the fact that he had brought Peter into the trio. Without him, he would never have become a secret keeper, without him, James and Lily would never have died. Remus brought his friends to their deaths because of his compassion for the weak and downtrodden. Perhaps because he was one too. Remus continued to struggle, but the memories came flooding in with nothing to hold them back.

Remus got off the train and looked for his father on the platform. Every year, it seemed as if more and more families came to wait for the Hogwarts Express. He saw his father waiting for him, a little away from the noise and excitement of the reunion.

"Dad! Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. And how are you, Rem'? You had a good trip."

They exchanged a few words and Remus, not seeing his mother, was surprised.

"Isn't Mum here?"

A pained expression passed over his father's face. Remus knew immediately that something was wrong.

"Dad, where's Mum? Dad!"

Lyall Lupin took his son by the arm and apparate to the front porch of their house. The second thing that was wrong was that Remus' father was always apparate in the living room. He sat Remus down on the couch and positioned himself in the armchair. He took his hands and looked at his son.

"Remus, your mother had a stroke yesterday morning. She didn't make it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but I preferred to do it in front of you rather than by owl, and I didn't want to inflict this news on you in front of your classmates."

Remus flinched for a moment, not realising what his father had just said. Tears and screams followed, and Remus got off to the worst possible start in his fifth year.

Remus kept seeing his memories. Why were only the worst ones visible? In legend, when you die, your whole life flashes before your eyes, not just the worst moments of your life.

Remus was standing in a cottage deep in Brazil on a mission for the order when he heard an owl tapping at his window. He opened it and grabbed a copy of the Wizard's Gazette. The title was so surprising that he dropped the paper.

HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE NAMED IS NO MORE, CONTINUED ON PAGE 2

After rejoicing at this wonderful news, Remus opened the paper, curious as to how the order could have beaten him and why he was on a mission when his friends should be celebrating. His eyes fell on a name and he had to reread the sentence several times to realise what it said.

The Potters are dead, murdered by You-Know-Who, just before he disappeared.

Remus reads the paper, in one go. He reads it, five times, ten times, a hundred times. But the information wouldn't fit. Sirius could never have sold James and Lily, he could never have killed Peter and those twelve muggles. Sirius could be violent, but never towards his friends. They were his family. Remus, thinking it was a joke, apparate to the Potters' house, to tell them that this was really not funny. He didn't pay attention to the risk of splinching by apparate so far away. He faced the Potter's living room and saw the ruins around him.

"Lily, James? Where are you? Harry?"

Only silence answered him and Remus went upstairs. Like the ground floor, it was deserted. He saw some blood in the bed but there was no sign of his friends. Even the cat was gone. It was at that moment that Remus knew that his life would never be the same again. It was in that moment that Remus knew that Sirius had betrayed the marauders, that Harry was an orphan. Harry, where was Harry? Remus looked at the paper again and saw the date. November, 1st 1981. He recoiled. Today, he was sure, was the tenth of November. Remus, containing his anger, moved to Hogsmeade and headed for the screaming hut. He crossed it and found himself in Hogwarts Park. He hadn't noticed that his eyes were no longer obedient and that his cheeks were full of tears. Some of the students looked at him strangely, as if it was the first time they had seen someone cry. Remus entered the castle and headed for the Great Hall. At this time of day, most of the students were eating their breakfast. Remus pushed open the doors and all heads turned towards him. Some of them had grabbed their wands when they saw this stranger in a pitiful state. Remus turned to the teachers, who had suddenly lost the colour in their faces.

"We need to talk, Albus" he said in a shaky voice.

Dumbledore looked surprised, but soon regained his neutral face.

"Mr. Lupin... Follow me" he replied in a voice just as shaky as Remus'.

"How is it that I am being warned by the Daily Prophet of the fate of my friends? How could you do this to me? They're, they're the people who mean the most to me! You said they were safe. And Sirius, how can you be sure? And Harry, where is he? I want to see him."

"Mr Lupin, calm yourself. The evidence is irrefutable. To tell you the truth, I haven't had time to warn you. As for Harry Potter, he's safe with his aunt and uncle."

"His unc- You took him to Petunia's? But she hates magic. Didn't you ever hear what Lily said about her? I can get custody of Harry, that's not a problem."

"You know as well as I do that's impossible. Your condition doesn't allow it. I'm not saying this to hurt you, b-"

"Hurt my feelings? My friends are either dead or in Azkaban. I can't be hurt any more than that. When is the funeral?"

Dumbledore looked at Remus with pity and the young man understood immediately.

"How could you? You buried them without me?"

With that, Remus left the castle and moved to Godric's Hollow Cemetery.

Remus was still crying and struggling. The wound still hadn't healed. Remus remembered as if it were yesterday the long months that followed the disaster. He was unable to say the word 'death' or 'dying'. He had spent years thinking about it. Remus had fallen into a depression for many years. But he had bounced back. And that was the most important thing. But no sooner had Remus had that thought, than the next memory appeared.

"Sirius, no, Sirius."

Harry's screams were heartbreaking. Except for his own, they were the most horrible, pain-filled screams Remus had ever heard. Remus bit his lip to keep from screaming. He had to hold on. For Harry's sake. He was so young, and yet had been through so much.

Sirius was gone. The reunion had been far too short. It had been barely two years since Remus had found his friend, since Harry had found his godfather. This new death had brought Remus down to earth again. His friends were dying one by one, and there was nothing he could do about it. It was the worst feeling in the world. Remus held Harry back as best he could. He couldn't let him die either, otherwise Remus would have failed to the end.

Remus had been so afraid of losing Harry that day. It was at that very moment that Harry plunged into the darkness and never came out. Remus was angry that he had not been there for him, but Dumbledore had sent him on a mission the following year, another abysmal failure. His only happiness in these difficult times was Nymphadora. At the thought of his dead wife, Remus' sobs redoubled.

Remus turned his head and gasped, to his right his wife lay dead. Remus felt as if his heart had just stopped beating. His wife, the only one who had loved him and whom he had loved in return. The only one who had made his condition better. His accomplice, his confidante, the mother of his son. Remus stood up abruptly. He had to see his son. Remus walked out of the castle, and realised that the light had lost and the darkness had triumphed. Remus saw a body in the middle of the park. No, it can't be... Remus collapsed at the sight of the body he had failed to protect. The body, the life of Harry Potter.

Every day that passed was a black day for Remus. His friends were dead and he would never forget the thirty-first of October 1981, nor the eighteenth of June 1996. But the worst date, the worst day in Remus' life was undoubtedly the second of May 1998. He lost everything on that day. His family, his battle, his confidence, his hope.

Remus walked into the Tonks' living room, pushing open the door, something he never did. Normally, he would prefer to apparate straight into the living room, but he didn't have the courage to do so, too afraid of what he would see. His eyes immediately fell on his son's bed. Inside was a small, lifeless body. Remus took his son's corpse in his arms and saw blood at his head. Remus cried and cried but Teddy did not come back to life, nor did Dora, Harry, Sirius, James, Lily. Remus turned and saw Andromeda with her eyes wide open, holding her wand in her hands. She must have been defending herself, Remus thought. Even though she was Andromeda Tonks now, she still had the fighting spirit of the Black. She had protected her grandson at the risk of her own life, but unfortunately it had not been enough.

Remus was forced to relive each of the four hundred and seventy-seven full moons he had lived through since he had been bitten. He felt every pain of his transformation, saw himself as a monster, killing the ministry employee who had the misfortune to cross his path that night. He saw the bite of Hermione and all the full moons, each one more painful than the last.

When Remus finished struggling, more out of exhaustion than out of any real desire, he felt himself whirling and fainting.