October 1, 1998
Well, the first month of school was over. It had been about the same as the last six years for Harry, the only thing different for him was the living arrangements. To be in existence for only one year was the Phoenix House, with none other than Headmaster Severus Snape as their head of house. To cut back on oversized classes, members of Phoenix house would have their own lessons with their professors instead of the usual intermingling between houses for classes.
And they had their own new uniform. It was basically the same uniform they wore before except that the ties were black with the emblem of Phoenix house, and the same went for their outer robe, the emblem for Phoenix and completely black. The Phoenix house was located on the third floor, and they were led to it by Snape after the feast ended. Their space was guarded by a Phoenix picture, but there was no password.
The picture was warded to keep out everyone who was not a member of the house. Beyond the portrait laid a common room like ones they had in their original houses. Big fireplace, places to sit at couches, chairs, and desks. For dorms, girls were on the left, boys on the right. And the only big difference in dorms is that instead of four or five to a room, it was two to a room.
There were perhaps thirty or forty people who returned, mostly muggle-borns who were taken out by their parents last year after Dumbledore died and Snape took over the school. So it wasn't a lot of students, but it was enough that an entire, new, temporary house needed to be built for them. Harry ended up paired with Draco, which was good now that they didn't despise one another.
The dorm was similar to what they were used to residing in except that it was more spacious due to having two of everything instead of five. Draco and Harry each had their own bed, dresser, wardrobe, two nightstands each, and a desk with a bookshelf above it. The best part was that they each had their own bathroom, which came complete with a toilet, sink and shower/tub. Their beds were four-poster and had black bedding with gray curtains. They also had their fireplace.
But aside from all that, the first month of school had been normal like years before it.
Today was a Friday, and it had been a rough night for Harry. He woke early at 5 am, sweating bullets and breathing hard to Draco shaking his form and calling Potter. The teenager refocused and reached for his glasses as he sat up and saw Draco standing on the right-side of his bed, staring down at him with a look Harry couldn't quite figure out. Maybe annoyance to be woken again, or concern.
It had only happened a couple times since the start of school, that Harry forgot to lay his silencing charms over his bed, and Draco was woken briefly due to Harry's nightmares. "Potter, you gotta do something about these nightmares." Draco remarked.
"Fuck. I'm sorry, Malfoy. I thought I put up the silencing charms last night before I went to bed. I didn't mean to wake you up." Harry sighed.
"You didn't wake me this time, Potter. I get up at five every morning to start getting ready to go to the infirmary." Draco stated. Right. Draco was a member of Phoenix house in being a student of Poppy Pomfrey. Draco completed his NEWT exams last year, but he was now back to train under Poppy as a healer.
"If you didn't wake up because of my nightmare, then how did you know I was having one…?" Harry inquired curiously.
"I saw you thrashing around, and then it was so intense that your own spell broke. This isn't good for you, Potter. You need to talk to someone. We all suffered from the war, but you, far more." The blonde stated.
Harry closed his eyes and looked down. "I was gonna find someone after I finished school…There's too much going on right now."
"Pot-Look, Harry," Draco sighed heavily. "You can't keep going like this. You're not gonna make it until after you graduate. Okay? It's only been a month in and you have these nightmares four times a week. Do the math. That's twenty nightmares in a month. Twenty nightmares in thirty days."
"You may use the silencing charms, but there have been plenty of other times like this morning where they break. You wake up at random times of the night, and can't go back to sleep. This isn't healthy, you're gonna crash hard and end up hurting yourself or someone else. You need to talk to someone and get a handle on this." Draco told him in a stern tone.
"What good would it do? There's no one in Hogsmeade. Even Zabini said he stopped going to sessions for the school year." Harry informed.
"That's because he's been going since the war ended, Potter. He's been going since June, he had a couple months of multiple appointments a week. He's in a better place, has coping mechanisms when flashbacks or nightmares hit. He's okay until his next sessions which are over the holidays, Christmas and Easter, then resuming again when school is out." Draco explained.
The blonde put a hand on Harry's shoulder. "I'm not telling you what to do, but I am advising a better course of action than putting it off and suffering for months. I know there isn't anyone in Hogsmeade, but there are other places you can go in Britain." He said.
"I can't leave campus." Harry remarked. "Like you said, even Blaise isn't being seen until the breaks or after school."
"I'm sure if you talk to Uncle Sev, he'll make an exception. Alright, those rules are in place because the headmaster and staff are responsible for the kids who are here most of the year. But you're an adult, and I'm sure that it wouldn't be a big deal for you to go during lunch break or after classes end for the day to appointments as long as you're back by curfew." Draco remarked.
Harry arched a brow at Draco."Uncle Sev?"
"Sorry, only I call him that. Professor Snape, his name is Severus and he's my godfather…" Draco admitted.
"Snape make an exception for me? Doubt it." Harry muttered. "Maybe he's a great uncle figure to you, Malfoy, but I'm sure I don't need to tell you how he's acted towards me over the years. I look like my dad, he loved my mom...I'm a reminder of both someone he loved and lost, and someone who he despised."
"Come on. You know he doesn't hate you. Think of his position over the years, Potter. He was a spy for the Order, sitting in Death Eater meetings and having to ensure the Dark Lord believed that he was on his side, and spying into the Order for him." Draco scoffed. "He had to appear to hate you, he couldn't get close…But he's always cared about you in his own way."
It was sadly true. Severus had proven over the years that he protected Harry. Usually from the background, but there were the two times in third year against Remus without his potion and then in sixth year when Harry was on the Astronomy Tower, or just below it and Snape had him be quiet to avoid being found by the other Death Eaters. And there was the fight at Hagrid's too. Snape didn't hurt Harry in their duel, and kept Bellatrix from killing him.
"Just try, alright? Talk to him after classes today. I'll get you a list of mind healers, and even some squib therapists to check out, and you can pick someone to talk to." He paused. "Even just one appointment a week can help, and I think if you explain that to the headmaster, he'd understand and approve of you leaving campus during no-class times and as long as you're back by curfew."
"Blaise sees one. Vin, Theo…Even me." Draco informed. "There's no shame in it, Potter. A lot of people probably see one or have already. The war hurt everyone, and now we're all trying to pick up the pieces and find a new normal, navigate this new life. Sometimes, you need help."
"Okay. Okay…I'll talk to Headmaster Snape about it at some point today." Harry agreed. Draco was right, the war took a toll on everyone. Especially Harry who was a key player in it. Maybe it would help to talk to someone, get these nightmares under control or find better ways to deal with it.
"Alright. Cool. I'll get you that list tonight." Draco nodded. "You okay? You look a little pale."
"I'm fine." Harry replied. "Just an intense nightmare. Sometimes I wake up feeling a little nauseous from them. They don't feel like nightmares, you know? Feels like I'm there and it's happening again. Like I went back in time."
"Yeah. I get that. Trust me." Draco stated. "Well, you're up now…Might as well get ready for the day." He patted Harry's shoulder and walked off to gather his bathing things, and then head into the bathroom. Harry took a few moments to himself and then followed suit of Draco's idea.
. . .
The day had gone through as normal for what this year held for him. His classes for the day, the break for lunch. Studying and doing some assignments during free periods. Now, it was about 5:30 pm. Dinner time. Harry made his way to the hall and spotted the headmaster speaking to Minerva. Draco's suggestion to speak to the man about leaving campus sparked into his memory. Finding his Gryffindor courage, Harry walked over to the two teachers.
"Hello, Potter. What can I do for you?" Minerva greeted.
"Hi, Professor McGonagall. I actually need to speak to Headmaster Snape, if you have a minute or two to spare after dinner?" Harry hoped.
"Very well, Mister Potter. You may come to my office at 7:00. And there is no password." Snape replied.
"Thank you, sir." Harry nodded and then turned away to get into the hall and take his seat at the Phoenix house table. It was a fifth table right down the middle of the hall between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff that sat on the right and then Ravenclaw and Slytherin on the left.
Ginny leaned over towards Harry from the Gryffindor table. "Hi, Harry," The red-head smiled.
"Hey, Gin." Harry responded.
"So, are you going to Hogsmeade this weekend? I thought maybe we could go together, get lunch?" Ginny asked gently.
"Sorry, Ginny. No, I'm not going this weekend. I've got some work to get finished." Harry said.
"Oh. Alright then. Maybe another time…" The girl gave a pout.
"Don't do that…" Harry sighed.
"What?" Ginny inquired.
"Make the pout of a spoiled child not getting their own way." Harry sighed.
Regrettably, it had been like this since the war ended. Ginny trying to spend time with Harry, rekindle the brief relationship they had during sixth year from when the Prince's book was hidden in the Room of Requirement to the night of Bill and Fleur's wedding. Harry broke up with her for her own safety while he, Ron, and Hermione went on the run for the Horcruxes. Ginny understood why, so she couldn't be used against Harry or ever believe she knew where he would be.
But with everything that happened during the war now over…Harry had his focus on other things. The rebuild, the Death Eater trials, preparing to go back to school for this year. Ginny hadn't asked the question yet, but she was hinting at it. Getting back together. Harry had told her they'd talk soon after the war, and then things were busy. And they still were. Harry wanted to focus on school, passing.
And now he also had the matter of getting his head straight. Draco was right, Harry went through a lot because of Voldemort over the years and there were still the matters he discovered at the bank. Harry's head was a mess and he needed to sort it out. Right now, his feelings for Ginny were not on his priority list.
"Well, Harry…You said we'd talk when everything was over and it seems like you don't even care now." Ginny reminded.
"Ginny, this isn't the place for this." Hermione informed the girl.
"Where else am I supposed to talk to him, Hermione? He isn't in Gryffindor anymore and anyone who isn't a Phoenix can't get in there." Ginny huffed a bit.
"Hermione, it's fine. Ginny, look…I said we'd talk when things settled down, and they have not for me. Okay? I'm in my last year, I'm busy with school. I've also got other things going on, like getting my head straight. I'm not even thinking about getting into a relationship right now. It requires commitment and time, and I don't have either." Harry stated.
"I could help you…" Ginny offered.
"No, you can't, Weasley. Potter needs a professional to work through things seen or done in the war." Draco spoke up. "Speaking of, Potter," He paused and passed Harry a piece of paper. "That list I promised."
"Thanks, Malfoy." Harry nodded.
"Can't we just get back together, Harry? I mean, you had a lot more going on when we were together with Voldemort alive and after you…Why can't we do it again, and I'll just give you your space?" Ginny asked.
"Having too much going on and having to worry about the fate of the world is exactly why I left you, Ginny. I didn't have time to be the world's savior and your boyfriend." Harry told her. "Just because Voldemort is gone now doesn't mean my life has slowed down any. You can't give me space now, so I know you can't if we get back together."
"For once, Ginny…I need to worry about and focus on me instead of everyone else." Harry told her. "Right now, I do not want to tack on maintaining a relationship before we've talked and I've figured out where my feelings are." Harry added. "Right now, after all the years where I acted selflessly, I have earned the right to be selfish and only worry about what I want and what I need."
"You don't like me anymore?" Ginny gasped.
"I didn't say that. But you need-," Harry started.
"War changes people, Weasley." Pansy remarked. "And it's harder for some than it is for others. Potter was in the heat of it as the chosen one."
"And people in war, after it's over, have to re-acclimate to normal life. That's something Potter isn't used to. He's still on edge, waiting for something else to happen. Looking over his shoulder and waiting for the next attack. There's flashbacks, nightmares that remove reality and make someone think it's happening again." Draco informed.
"I share a dorm with him, I can see he's not getting enough sleep and some of his nightmares are bad enough that he breaks his own silencing spells." Draco stated. "But the point in figuring out feelings is that people who were in war and fought want to get themselves right, get their minds out of war and they don't want to burden the people they care about with it."
"And like Draco said…You can't help him the way he needs help. Potter needs a professional to talk to, learn how to get through these things on his own. He's not wrong to say he needs to focus on himself for once. He spent years focusing on everyone else but him. So much that he died for the people…" Blaise mentioned.
"The point, Ginny, is that you just need to be patient and let Harry heal at his own pace. A relationship requires effort on both sides and Harry needs to put all his focus on healing from what he's been through. Don't make it difficult for him. He's not telling you no, he's just saying not right now." Hermione remarked firmly.
"Please, Ginny…Don't make this a big deal." Harry looked at her. "If you truly care about me the way you say, then you'll respect my decision and back off. If not, then there's nothing to discuss-,"
"Harry!" Ginny said quickly.
"If you can't be patient and respect my wishes while I finally take time for myself, then we have nothing to discuss and we won't get back together." His voice was firm, but filled with certainty of what was said. "I mean it, Ginny. You have no place as my girlfriend if you're not gonna respect or support my decisions. You have no place in my life if you're going to be part of the problem."
"But-," Ginny tried again.
"This conversation is over, Ginny. I made my stance clear for the time being. The choice is yours on what happens. Be patient and have a chance, or don't and we have nothing." Harry turned away from her.
Maybe it was harsh, but Harry had things he needed to sort out and unfortunately, his feeling for Ginny was one of them. But before that, he needed to get his head straight. "Harry, you alright?" Hermione inquired softly with a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm tired, losing my appetite, and have a headache now." Harry sighed as he lowered his head onto his arms.
"Come on, get a little something to eat." Hermione urged gently. "Maybe you can drop by the hospital wing to get something for the headache after dinner? Maybe even something to help you sleep tonight?"
"Madam Pomfrey will give you something, Potter. Pain Reliever and some kind of sleeping potion that would help you get a good night's rest. She won't give you those every night, they can get addictive…" Draco offered.
"Yeah, maybe I'll stop there after dinner and then go see the headmaster afterwards." Harry agreed.
"See, didn't I say he'd agree to talk with you?" The blonde smirked.
"Shut up, Malfoy." Harry rolled his eyes, but smiled.
Everyone laughed and filled their plates once the food popped into sight.