Morning comes all too soon and Dorian finds himself groaning against his pillow, irritable from a fitful night of sleep and weighed down by the everpresent numbness in his chest. The buzzing in his fingertips has stopped, and he isn't sure if it's a sign of progress or regression. He swings his feet over the side of the bed and hisses as he touches the cold stone floor.
Dressed and ready for the day, Dorian sets off to find Vax'ildan. The morning is sunny but cold, and Dorian is thankful for the protection of the keep as he slips inside the walls and onto the upper balcony of the main hall. Vivienne is in her usual spot, and he starts to greet her, but she raises a hand to stop him and motions to the floor below. He peeks his head over the banister curiously.
Vax'ildan is standing just outside the doors to Josephine's office, arms folded tightly across his chest and his brows set in a hard line. In front of him is Mother Giselle who has clearly trapped the Inquisitor in a conversation he can't escape.
"Please, your Holiness." Her lilting words travel through the open space, tone lowered but the acoustics of the hall allowing Dorian and Vivienne to hear every word clearly. The pair exchange glances and lean closer to the edge. "You must understand how this looks."
"I don't see how this is anyone's concern." Vax counters sharply. "To me, it seems like you are inserting yourself into someone else's business once again."
Dorian recalls a few months prior when Mother Giselle had hidden the letter from Magister Pavus from him, insisting instead to use the Inquisitor to trick him into going to the meeting without telling him - springing the confrontation with his father on him like some sort of twisted surprise party. Thankfully, Vax'ildan had immediately brought the letter to Dorian, putting an end to the subterfuge his father and Mother Giselle had attempted.
Mother Giselle draws back slightly at his comment, but then draws her shoulders square once more.
"Lord Pavus' reputation is far from sparkling, your Grace." She begins. "Not to mention the rumors about how he spent his free time in Tevinter." She scoffs indignantly. "We cannot risk tarnishing the Inquisition's reputation - gaining support has proven difficult enough without something like this impeding our progress."
Dorian's chest tightens and his stomach drops. So this was about him, then. Him and his 'undue' influence over Vax'ildan. He had travelled halfway across Thedas, leaving everything from his homeland behind, and yet even still he cannot escape. He shuts his eyes and drops his head. When would it be enough? How many sleepless nights, how many good deeds, how much blood would he need to shed for this cause before he was finally accepted? No, not even accepted - he didn't need that - tolerated? He felt a familiar anger begin to build.
Vivienne gently placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.
"Not everyone here shares her views, darling." She said softly. "She is a wretched woman." Dorian looked back down at the pair silently.
Vax glared at Mother Giselle with an intensity Dorian only ever saw from the elf in battle. He leaned forward, their faces inches from each other.
"Dorian is not the problem here, Mother." He jabs a finger in her direction. "It's people like you who refuse to see the good he has done and instead spend your time spreading rumors and spitting vitriol to serve your own self-interests."
"Your Holiness, please. I do not wish to argue. I merely meant -"
"I know what you meant." Vax's voice grows loud enough to echo through the hall. Several people turn their heads to stare. Vax shifts and lowers his voice once more. "Dorian is the best man I have ever known. You will not continue to disrespect him, or myself, with this nonsense."
"I…yes, your Grace." Mother Giselle hangs her head, defeated. Her shoulders slump and she turns from the Inquisitor. Her eyes sweep through the hall, and up onto the balcony connecting with Dorian's. She glares at him before lifting her chin and walking out of the keep.
Vax mutters something under his breath and walks into the hallway that leads to his bedchamber. After a few moments of silence, Vivienne turns to Dorian with a knowing smirk.
"Well, now. It seems that you have made a friend here, afterall."
"Please, Vivienne," Dorian retorts, an effortless smile plastered on his face. "The Inquisitor could hardly stand by and let some Chantry priestess slander a member of his team." Dorian knew that was true of Vax'ildan, but couldn't help the warmth that tugged at his chest. He keeps his face perfectly aloof despite himself.
"Of course, dear." Vivienne says in a breezy tone. She turned back toward the lavish seating area at the base of the stained glass windows, leaving Dorian to his thoughts. Dorian runs a hand through his hair and crept down the stairs leading to the main hall.
A few minutes later, once he is sure the crowd in the main hall had died down and the hall was mostly empty, he makes his way over to the wooden door that leads to Vax'ildan's chambers with two mugs and a plate balanced in his hands. He slips inside and makes his way down the hallway to the second wooden door, which is slightly ajar. He hears a soft thud coming from the room above. He reaches out and knocks awkwardly, struggling to balance the mugs.
"Fenedhis." He hears Vax'ildan hiss under his breath. "Just a moment."
"It's just me." Dorian calls as he walks up the stairs. "I thought you might like some breakfast."
As he reaches the top of the stairs, he spots Vax'ildan on one of the balconies to his right. His boots are sitting next to his desk, and the structured, military style jacket he wears around the keep for official business has been slung across his desk chair. His flowing tunic is tucked into his pants, unbuttoned enough that his pendant catches in the breeze. His hair is pulled back, highlighting the cut of his jaw and cheekbones.
His shoulders relax as Dorian sets the mug and plate down on his desk. He pulls at the cord in his hair, letting it fall down around him. He walks over and smirks at the jasmine tea and croissant.
"This is wonderful, thank you, Dorian." He takes a sip of tea, the warm liquid settling his nerves.
"Yes, well, I had hoped it might put me in your good graces." Dorian says shyly. "It seems I was a bit of an ass last night."
"Dorian, you're always a bit of an ass." Vax jokes. Dorian rolls his eyes and scoffs.
"Yes, yes. Very funny." He sets a hand on his hip exaggerating the movement. "But in all seriousness," He takes a step towards Vax'ildan, "I apologize for my behavior. It wasn't you I was angry with, and I shouldn't have treated you that way."
Vax smiles warmly at Dorian and places a hand on his shoulder.
"Dorian," He says, his words coated in honey, "I was pretty drunk last night. You're gonna have to remind me what it is you're talking about."
Dorian's eyes grow wide with horror. Did he really not remember? Was he here embarrassing himself for no reason!?
"Oh, well, you see -" Dorian begins, stumbling over his words. He can feel the heat sneaking up his neck and across his cheeks. Vax's signature smirk creeps across his lips and he gives Dorian a wink.
"Creators, Dorian, I'm messing with you!" He grabs the croissant from the plate and takes a bite to stifle his laughter. Dorian's nostrils flare and he glares at Vax'ildan. "No apology necessary, seriously."
"Kaffas! Just let me…you are impossible!" Dorian huffs and throws himself down on the sofa.
Vax leans against his desk, crossing his feet, facing Dorian. He takes another bite of food before raising an eyebrow at the mage.
"How's the research going?" He asks, changing the subject. "Any luck yet?"
Dorian holds up a hand as if to cast a spell, frowning.
"Unfortunately, no." He says bleakly. "I did have a wonderful conversation with Solas yesterday about the Fade." He explains, sarcasm dripping from his words. "He had some interesting theories."
"Anything useful?" Vax asks, and Dorian is surprised to see genuine interest on his face.
"That depends on your definition." Dorian replies. "He suggests that perhaps there's a psychological obstruction keeping me from drawing on the Fade." He takes a sip of tea and Vax nods. "I'm hoping the journals I sent for in Tevinter will have more information…and less judgement."
"Well if there's anything I can do, please let me know." Vax offers.
"Thanks, Vax'ildan. I did give Josephine a couple tomes to hunt down." Dorian says as Vax smiles a little.
"Good!" Vax says cheerfully.
Silence falls between the two as they sip their tea, unsure of where to go next.
Eventually, Dorian lowers his head and lets out a small sigh.
"I heard what you said." He says quietly.
"Sorry?" Vax leans forward a bit, raising his eyebrows.
"You and Mother Giselle. I heard the two of you talking." Vax straightens up against the desk and nods slightly. "Not that I was eavesdropping!" Dorian adds quickly.
"I suppose she wasn't exactly subtle." Vax says dryly.
"She never is." Dorian agrees. He stands from the sofa and takes a few steps towards the balcony, looking out over the mountains. "I'm sorry I keep putting you in these positions." He says, his back still to Vax'ildan.
Vax huffs behind him.
"That's twice now she has attempted to manipulate you by using me." Dorian says sadly. "Perhaps the rumors are true, and I really am a bad influence." There is a sadness on his face that he usually only wears in the privacy of his own room. He isn't sure why he is saying any of this, but he can't seem to stop the words from spilling out.
"Dorian…" he hears Vax call over his shoulder.
"Sorry, Vax'ildan. Just wallowing for a moment." When he turns back to the elf, his face is calm and aloof, no trace of the sadness that had clung to him moments ago.
Vax is standing with his arms crossed and fixing him with the same glare he had given Mother Giselle.
"I meant what I said." His voice is low and rough.
"Well, I appreciate the sentiment, Vax'ildan, but I have known great men in my life and I cannot count myself among them." Dorian says flippantly. Vax doesn't even flinch.
"That is such bullshit." Vax spits at Dorian, rolling his eyes.
"Excuse me?" Dorian draws back slightly, surprised at the heat in his words.
"I already had this fight with Mother Giselle today, I am not going to have it with you too." Vax huffs.
"I'm sorry, I thought you enjoyed this whole 'dark and dangerous mage' thing. I was under the impression that you liked the temptation."
Dorian steps closer to Vax, running a finger down the front of his chest. He had played this part so many times before, it was easy to slip back into. Back home he was a scandalous thing, but that was also what made him so appealing to others. He was a forbidden fruit that men would do all sorts of naughty things to pluck. His stormy, hazel eyes rise up Vax's chest to meet his gaze. Those golden eyes are glowing like embers in a fire, but not the way Dorian is expecting. Vax slaps Dorian's hand away with a huff.
"You don't have to do that." He says sharply. "Not with me."
Dorian stands there, stunned. He opens his mouth to respond but Vax beats him to it.
"You put on this act to make people think you're cruel or uncaring," Vax jabs a finger into Dorian's chest, and Dorian is shocked at the strength behind it. "But it's not who you are. Not really."
He sees your spark too. Cole's words echo in Dorian's mind.
"Is that so?" Dorian asks, his voice low and rough. "You think you've got me all figured out?"
"I think people like Mother Giselle are all too eager to spread lies about things they don't understand, and you are all too happy to play their games." A smirk starts to spread across Dorian's face as he watches Vax's tirade.
"I wish you would just stop." He says, sighing and running a hand through his hair. "For once just stop and let people see the real you, under all that sarcasm and bullshit." He stands there for a moment, hands on his hips, gathering himself again.
Dorian stares at Vax'ildan, unflinching. Truthfully, he is shocked at how well the elf seems to read him, but he is not about to get him the satisfaction of admitting that out loud.
"The things you say…" He says softly, and that is the closest to an admission he dares to get. "Are you finished?" He asks, raising an eyebrow. Vax tries to fight the playful grin tugging at his lips. He turns away from Dorian for a moment, considering, and then turns back to him with fire burning in his eyes.
"No, I don't think I am." Vax says quickly. He takes a step forward, grabbing Dorian's face in his hands and presses a kiss to his lips. Dorian stands straight as an arrow, frozen in shock. Vax's touch is gentle and welcoming. After a moment, Dorian relaxes and gives in, resting his hands on Vax's chest. His senses have never been more alert. He can feel the soft cotton fabric of Vax's shirt, as well as the smooth skin of his exposed chest and the rough cord of his pendant.
Vax snakes a hand around the back of Dorian's head and pulls him in closer, deepening their kiss. Dorian feels as though the entire room is spinning, and gips Vax's shirt to keep himself upright. The numb feeling that has consumed him for weeks gives way, and he feels like every nerve in his body is on fire. He feels Vax's tongue slip across his lips, and has to catch the groan threatening to escape his throat. The heat burning inside Dorian grows, painful and wonderful.
The smell of smoke reaches their nostrils and Dorian breaks their contact, searching for the source. Over Vax's shoulder, a small plume of smoke rises from a stack of notes on the desk. His eyes grow wide and Vax spins around, following his gaze.
"Fenedhis." Vax steps over to the desk and grabs the mug Dorian had brought him earlier. He dumps the tea onto the papers and the fire dies with a hiss. He turns back to Dorian, out of breath but laughing. "What was that?"
"I have no idea!" Dorian says through a smirk. "Do your documents typically have a habit of spontaneously combusting?"
"This would be a first." Vax says, running a hand through his hair. He sits back against the top of the desk, pushing the documents around to ensure there are no more embers.
Dorian lets out a laugh. His skin is hot, and his lips tingle from where Vax's had been moments before. He looks over at Vax and the pair lock eyes. Vax bites his lower lip and Dorian feels a shiver run up his spine.
"Mythal'enaste!" Vax says with a laugh. "Can you imagine what Mother Giselle would have to say about that?!" His quip is soft and lighthearted, but Dorian's thoughts snap back to the overheard conversation and ice begins to creep through his veins.
Kaffas. What am I doing?! Until now there had been nothing between them except harmless flirtation - something that could be said about him and virtually everyone in this bloody keep. He had been careful to ensure there was nothing tangible to tie him to the Inquisitor, making sure to leave the elf with a level of plausible deniability should something exactly like what is happening with Mother Giselle attempt to tear him down with Dorian. But instead, here he is in the Inquisitor's bedchambers with his tongue down the Inquisitor's throat. How did he let this happen?
Mind suddenly clearing, he tucks the feelings threatening to overwhelm him into the ironclad box he has constructed over years of hardening himself to such things, locking them away and returning to his typical aloof demeanor as the numb feeling settles back into his chest. He smooths out his hair and runs a hand over his robes to ensure there are no wrinkles.
"This was a mistake." He says curtly. "I should go." He watches the light fade from Vax's eyes as he speaks. His cheeks are slightly flushed and his shirt collar is stretched and wrinkled from where Dorian had gripped him.
"Dorian…please" Vax says softly.
"I'm sorry, Inquisitor." Dorian whispers as he heads down the stairs without looking back. He closes the door at the bottom of the stairs and leans his back against the wood, blinking back tears. He clears his throat and quickly strides back into the main hall before Vax'ildan can chase after him.