Delivery for the Death Eaters

by Kingmaker'sUmbreon

What do you get when the Saviour of the Wizarding World becomes dangerously bored, especially when the death of his godfather has already hit him seriously hard, and left to his own devices? Well, Draco Malfoy, the Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort are unfortunately going to find out soon enough!

5. Chapter 5

Harry's Two New Targets

"Harry James Potter, what in Merlin's name did you think you were doing?! Sending Muggles with Muggle food and items to the Malfoys? Did you even consider for one minute the danger those Muggles were in? Hopefully now that you know You-Know-Who is at Malfoy Manor you will refrain from doing this again – are you listening to me?!"

Harry was not getting lectured by Hermione for the first time since his first bout of lethal boredom; indeed, the job of scolding the Boy-Who-Wasn't-Planning-On-Stopping-His-Pranks had been taken up by none other than Molly Weasley herself. The Weasley matriarch was going from one pan of food to the other, berating Harry over her shoulder while juggling maintaining the spells on the rice, the sauce and the vegetables. Unfortunately for Molly, Harry – along with the rest of the Weasleys – had already shut his brain off, her words going into one ear, and then being thrown out the other as quickly as they had entered.

Indeed, while most people would consider the angry yelling of Lord Voldemort – one that could be heard by every wizard and witch in the country – a good sign to stop their schemes. Regretfully for the Dark, Harry was the son and godson of Prongs and Padfoot respectively; to the Boy-Who-Finds-An-Angry-Voldemort-Hilarious, the fury of his nemesis was not a warning but a challenge.

Could he get the snake-faced Dark Lord to audition for the opera with his next idea? Now that the green-eyed pest of the Dark knew Voldie and his Death Munchers were having a permanent sleep over at the Malfoys', more potential targets had opened up for him and that meant also knew ideas to consider.

Harry, Ron, Fred and George spent almost the entire evening after dinner, with Ginny sent on a mission to keep Molly busy.

"So, Draco and Narcissa both have had enough presents for a while. Who's next?" Harry paced up and down Ron's small room, ducking out of the way of Chuddley Cannons merchandise now and again.

"I wouldn't do Bellatrix Lestrange yet, mate, if that is who you're considering," Ron advised carefully. "I mean, she's mad as a hatter, as Hermione would say, and would likely put all of her effort into killing you, even without You-Know-Who giving permission for it."

Harry pouted. "You're no fun."

"What about that husband of hers? Rodolphus, wasn't it? Or maybe his brother … what was his name again?" George frowned, eyes zeroing in one a bit of the Chuddley Cannons carpet that Ron had on the floor, desperately trying to remember the name.

"Rabastan," Fred supplied. A malicious grin spread across his face. "Or we can target Antonin Dolohov. Some good old payback for what he did to Ma's brothers."

Harry frowned. "What did he do?" he asked curiously, but winced at just how insensitive he sounded.

Fortunately Ron, Fred and George didn't seem too offended by the question. Their expressions did darken as Ron spoke up. "During the First War, Dolohov went after our uncles, Gideon and Fabian. They were a problem for You-Know-Who's side and, well, Dolohov was dispatched to … deal with them. Permanently. Ma still barely talks about them and when she does, she either gets mad or she starts crying."

Harry nodded. "Dolohov is definitely on the list then."

"Yeah, but it has to be good. I think we should go for a lesser but still fun target while we think what to do," George suggested with an evil glint in his own eyes. "I say we go for someone who you may not have considered, Harry."

The Boy-Who-Was-About-To-Get-More-Assassins-After-Him lit up. "Do tell!"

Fred seemed to have caught onto his brother's thinking instantly. "Good one, Georgie. Hey, Harry – how do you feel about pissing off a werewolf?"

"Oh Merlin's beard," Ron scoffed, putting his head into his hands. "How could I forget about Fenrir Greyback?"

"The werewolf with a propensity for biting kids?" Harry remembered that Remus told them about the infamous Greyback last year. Greyback had been the werewolf to go after Remus because Lupin Senior had been very outspoken against werewolves and Greyback had decided to teach Lupin the Elder a lesson by biting his own son. Plus with what the Order had told them, Voldemort had been making alliances with Dark creatures.

Greyback would likely have been amongst them, which meant there was a high likelihood that the werewolf was also at Malfoy Manor at present, maybe even with his pack there. Harry smirked to himself; that must make poor Draco put ward after ward on his bedroom door!

The son of Prongs cackled evilly to himself. "Greyback it is. Who else?"

"You really want to go for a second target?" Ron shook his head. "Mate, if we piss off Greyback, we will have werewolves as well as Hit Wizards hunting your suicidal arse. Are you sure you want to paint more targets on your back?"

"Ron, you forget I am Old Scarhead; I have had a literal target plastered on my forehead since I was a year old," Harry reminded him. "I am going to have as much fun as I can with them until they either die of shame or they somehow finally manage to kill me. To be honest I hope the first doesn't happen – then I will just be stuck sending stuff to Fudge, or Umbridge, or even Dumbledore. Let's see how many socks the man can actually handle!"

Fred and George barked with laughter. "If you ever-"

"-prank Dumbledore you-"

"-will get a life time supply-"

"-of our products," the twins promised, their eyes shining with glee.

Ron pinched the bridge of his nose. "Merlin have mercy on us all."

"Nah, Merlin never had mercy to give when it came to protecting Camelot," Harry disagreed jovially. "So – Target Number Two?"

Unfortunately, an idea popped into Ron's head. What made it worse for the youngest Weasley boy, was the fact he was utterly incapable of keeping his mouth shut when he had a genuinely good idea. "Mate, I just thought – if you really want to give You-Know-Who a heart attack-"

"HE HAS A HEART?!" Harry, Fred and George gasped dramatically in unison.

"-then I think you should be sending stuff to that snake of his," Ron finished, rolling his eyes at his best friend and his brothers.

"Nagini? Well, Hermione did have a good idea for Nagini posters," Harry mused.

"I think the snake would somehow be more flattered than anything else, and considering what she did to Dad, I don't think she deserves it," Fred stated. "We need to come up with something else than posters."

"Maybe we need some more back up?" Ginny was back. The boys looked extremely worried; the only Weasley girl rolled her eyes. "Relax, Mum's busy with trying to get Percy to talk to her again. He is still not answering her letters, despite everything that happened a few months ago. But, as I was saying, we need back-up."

"From who? I have promised myself to not send anything magical-" Harry began.

"Oh, Harry! You and Hermione are not the only Muggleborns and Muggle raised wizards at Hogwarts, you know," Ginny rolled her eyes. "Dean is one too, remember. As is Justin Finch-Fletchley for Hufflepuff, if you remember. Colin Creevey and his brother are Muggleborns too."

"Ah, of course you'd bring your new boyfriend into the fold," Fred smirked teasingly. "Gives you an excuse to talk via the telly-phone."

"Telephone," Ron corrected grimly.

Ginny flushed redder than her hair. "Shut up, Fred!"

"Awwww, don't be embarrassed, little sis. We don't disapprove," George grinned.

Harry didn't seem to notice Ron's irritation or Ginny's embarrassment; his eyes were once more dancing with that mischievous and diabolical glint that the twins secretly had wanted to see more often. "OK, guys. Let's send Dean, Justin, Colin and Dennis some letters for ideas, and give them your phone number – wait, your dad doesn't happen to have more than one phone?"

Ginny scoffed. "He has like five of them. Why?"

The Boy-Who-Was-Having-Too-Much-Fun smirked. "Perfect."

The Weasleys exchanged an uneasy but awed look with each other; that night, with the targets in mind, the children went to bed early, much to the shock of both Molly and Arthur. Unbeknownst to them, miles away in Wiltshire, the newly developing Harry Senses in Draco Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy and Lord Voldemort were all going off like alarm bells as well, causing all three to have problems getting asleep because they had a funny feeling that the Potter Brat was once more up to something.

Draco silently hoped it had nothing to do with clothes. He had not managed to contact Lily Potter via the Oowahwah board yet and only got a message from someone, who he assumed was James Potter or Sirius Black because the message kept telling him to 'PISS OFF' and 'YOU ARE DISTURBING OUR BEAUTY SLEEP' and 'THE DRESS WOULD SUIT YOU'. What Draco hadn't admitted to anyone for fear of execution by Killing Curse was that he had stolen one of The Hedwig Appreciation Society T-shirts, and that he had seen at least five other Death Eaters do the same, including his Uncle Rabastan.

As for Rabastan Lestrange, he was very happy with his favourite new sleeping shirt.

################################

Fortunately for Harry and his fellow co-conspirators, Arthur had to go to work quite early and Molly was busy preparing for Hermione's arrival at the house in a couple of days with Ginny once more on distraction duty, which had left Harry, Ron, Fred and George enough time to sneak out to Mr. Weasley's Muggle knick-knacks shed to find the five other telephones and link them all together with some magic; Harry had admitted that he had no idea how to do it the Muggle way so the boys were forced to do it magically. It was while the boys were still linking two of the other phones that Pigwigeon and Hedwig, who had been sent the previous evening with letters to Dean, Justin, Colin and Dennis, came back from their extensive trips with answers from all four concerned.

Harry had practically skipped over to the owls, causing Pig to hoot in amusement while Hedwig looked set to do a facewing in embarrassment on behalf of her wizard. The Boy-Who-Was-Too-Eager-To-Care quickly untied the letters and opened the first one from Dean.

Hey Harry,

I can't believe Hedwig found out where I lived; I have no idea how these owls do it – it's actually kind of creepy, don't you think? Not that I am calling Hedwig creepy – please don't tell her I said this! I am kind of surprised that you are asking me for help in this clearly suicidal idea you have. I mean, I am not surprised you're the reason You-Know-Who lost it the other day because, yeah he doesn't like you – duh – but this really does take the cake! I can't wait to tell Seamus. He's been freaking out. I will call at around 1-ish with my ideas since my morning is taken up with chores and right now I am too tired to think. Mum is a drill sergeant when it comes to my room.

Dean

"Dean is going to call at one!" Harry informed the three Weasleys as he opened Justin's very neatly penned letter.

Hello Harry,

Gosh, I admit that when I saw Hedwig at my window last night, I did freak out just a little. I mean, hearing the screams of You-Know-Who like that – it was like one was in a horror movie! But it does not surprise me to know that you are involved, but why on Earth would you do something as stupid as prank Malfoy and his mother? He hates you enough already! But I suppose I should not be surprised, considering the mayhem you cause whenever you're bored. As for ideas for your next suicidal idea, I think I may have one or two ideas that you may like. I don't have time to call tomorrow since Mother and Father insist on a family day out but here are a few of the ones that came to me just now:

1) You send the werewolves dog toys
2) You send another snake to Malfoy Manor and let's see if You-Know-Who's snake can stand the competition
3) Send the werewolves music that their sensitive hearing cannot handle! I remembered reading something about that in the library once. It was utterly fascinated.
4) Call a vet to the Manor to do a check up on the snake but the vet is actually one of you and deliberately horribly incompetent – dangerous, I know. But you seem to be into danger at present.
5) Dentist check-up for the werewolves. I hear their dental hygiene is awful!

Hope this helps!

Justin

Harry started cackling menacingly. "OK, guys. Justin is officially a genius. I don't care what anyone says."

"Merlin, what has that Badger written?" Ron stood up and came over, shaking his head. Harry handed the letter over, looking extremely gleeful. As Ron's eyes scanned the list of ideas Justin sent, the eyes started to bug out of the youngest Weasley boy's head. "Bloody hell! These are all good!"

"I know right?! How will I be able to choose?" Harry pouted as Ron took the letter over to Fred and George, whose eyes lit up simultaneously at the .

"What do the Creevey brothers say?" Fred wanted to know after reading Justin's letter, eyes shining eagerly.

Harry grinned back as he opened the letter.

Hello Harry!

How are you doing? Crikey, you have gotten yourself into some trouble – how are you not dead yet, no offence? I mean, we're both happy you're alive – it's Colin writing by the way – but really, this is both cool and stupid at the same time. To be honest I didn't know You-Know-Who had such an awesome vocal range, but I don't think I should ever express that opinion to anyone else but you. As for some ideas that we have to send to your new targets, we might ring up later with some more ideas but here are a few already:

Idea 1) Buy some videos or DVDs about how to train your dog, or how to train your werewolf in this case, hahahaha
Idea 2) Buy the werewolves Big Bad Wolf costumes (this was Dennis' idea)
Idea 3) Buy a falcon or a hawk and let's see if You-Know-Who's snake can survive
Idea 4) This was actually another of Dennis' ideas. Use the snake to piss off You-Know-Who off further by buying her a luxury enclosure – I am willing to bet she doesn't have that yet. Dunno why, just a feeling.

Hope this already has helped! We will call if we have any more ideas, as promised.

Colin and Dennis

"I like the buying a falcon or hawk idea," Ron, who was reading over Harry's shoulder, stated.

"Are you kidding, that thing will get AK-ed before it can cause any true fear," Harry grumbled. "I want either Nagini to be embarrassed or angry or frightened or, failing that, old Snakeface to get some colour into his skin because of his anger."

"I think you already managed that, mate," Fred snorted.

"Nope, I haven't," Harry insisted. He began musing through the ideas. "I think we should definitely do the dog toys one, oooo and we can disguise the music one as another 'gift' for Draco – we can't have him becoming all pouty and sulky around Captain Red-Eyes."

Ron barked out a laugh. "Malfoy getting pouty that he doesn't get your attention – sounds about right!"

"I really want to do the vet one but we'll need some serious Polyjuice Potion for that shit," Harry continued. "That alone would take months of preparation. I may be bored, but I am not an idiot."

"That's debatable," Ginny had come into the garage at this point, rolling her eyes. "Especially coming from the person who has been pranking the Malfoys without realising they might have You-Know-Who as a house guest!"

"I think we should either do the buying another snake or an enclosure one," George added. "I mean, if the goal is also to piss off You-Know-Poo, then the enclosure one could definitely work!"

"Oooo a jealous Dark Lord. Now that is something worth writing home about," Ginny agreed, smirking evilly.

Ron frowned and cast a quick nonverbal Tempus. 12:58pm. "Dean should be calling in about two minutes-"

Suddenly, the Muggle phones in Mr. Weasley's garage all started going ham. Ginny flushed bright red while Fred, George and Harry were trying not to book themselves into St. Mungo's because they were laughing too hard.

"I spoke too soon," Ron grumbled.

Harry chuckled and picked up the nearest phone horn to him while Ron, Fred, George and Ginny scrambled to pick up the nearest phone horn to them. "Hello?"

"Harry? Is that you? It's Dean. I am not inconveniencing you am I?"

"Nope, just in time!" Harry responded in a sing-song voice. "Justin and the Creevey brothers already gave their ideas – I am interested to see what you come up with."

"Well, the only one that I can think of that might make your favourite arch nemesis angry is … well, I guess it is kind of dangerous. You remember Hermione's obsession with house elf rights?"

"Unfortunately," Ron responded glumly. "Gryffindor Tower was bloody mank because the house elves were actively avoiding coming up because of all the clothes Hermione had hidden around the place. She made me treasurer for the damn movement she set up!"

"Yeah, Dobby saved the Tower from getting too dirty," Ginny added.

"Oh! I didn't know the Weasleys had multiple landlines. Hey, Ron! Hey, Gin." Harry noted the embarrassment in Dean's tone at this point.

"Hey," Ginny giggled while her brothers all rolled their eyes.

"What was your idea, Dean?" Harry tried to get the topic back on track.

"… What? Oh yes! Well, I thought, I am betting Hermione has been working on more knit-wear for S.P.E.W or whatever its name is and I thought, why not ask Hermione if you can send the knit-wear to Malfoy Manor, one pile for the werewolves and specially made snake wear for Naga …?"

"Nagini," Harry corrected. He grinned. "But I think it is definitely something we should consider! Thanks, Dean!"

"That's a really good idea, Dean!" Ginny gushed.

"Yes, especially since it is likely to put Hermione in the cross-hairs as well," Ron pointed out coolly with sarcasm embedded in his tone.

"She's Harry's friend; she is already in the cross-hairs," George pointed out. "Hermione is coming tomorrow. We can pitch the idea to her then-"

Suddenly, the one telephone that wasn't linked up with the others started ringing as well.

"Morgana's muddy undergarments, do not tell me that's her!" Ron spluttered as Harry put his horn down and went to pick up the ringing one.

Harry knew it was a very good thing no one was betting anything because the people who would have betted that it wasn't Hermione would have been severely robbed. Lo and behold, the moment the Boy-Who-Could-Predict-His-Friend's-Next-Move-Very-Accurately picked up the phone, he could hear the high-pitch tones of Hermione's voice already going.

"-please tell me he hasn't done anything yet! Pleasepleasepleaseplease-"

"I haven't done anything yet but the Weasleys and Dean are helping," Harry informed happily. "Oh, and Justin and the Creevey brothers were extremely helpful as well."

"YOU HAVE BEEN INVOLVING OTHER PEOPLE?!"

Harry winced slightly, holding the phone away from his ear slightly before putting it back against his ear. "Eeeerm … yes? I mean, how else am I going to get good ideas? I got help from Dudley and Piers; they're not here right now so I was advised by my Council of Pranks to get in touch with other Muggleborns and Muggle-raised wizards."

"Oooo, Council of Pranks! I like the sound of that," Fred stated gleefully.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no, no! What ideas have been put into your head this time?" Hermione asked despairingly.

"Well the three that we are definitely going for are sending dog toys for the werewolves-"

"WEREWOLVES?!"

"-yes, I just said that, Hermione; next we are going to send a luxury enclosure for Nagini to make Snakeface jealous-"

"ARE YOU MAD?!"

"-yes, I am, Hermione, I thought we established this. Now for the third idea, we want to send some Muggle music to Draco that could in theory hurt the werewolves' ears to ensure that the poor boy doesn't turn into Mr. Pouty Head and get Crucio-ed unnecessarily by his unpleasant house guest-"

"That's … actually clever."

"Wow! There's no need to sound so surprised. Good grief!" the Weasleys and Dean were all splitting their sides by now but Harry was ignoring them. "And finally, Dean suggested something you might actually be willing to help with."

As predicted, Hermione launched into a tirade. "ME?! You are not pulling me into this suicidal, hair-brained scheme of yours, Harry James Potter! It is already bad enough that I have known what you were up to from the start and did not stop you, but I will not risk my parents' safety because you have it in your head-"

Harry smirked. "We want you to send your S.P.E.W or whatever knit-wear to Malfoy Manor. As presents for the werewolves and Nagini."

For a moment there was silence on the other end of the line. The Weasleys – and Dean – waited with bated breath for her answer. Harry genuinely suspected that Hermione may have fainted until he heard her breathing on the other end of the line again.

"Did I hear you correctly?" was the answer he got.

"Eeeerm … I hope so. Is your landline dying or something? Do we have a bad connection?"

"Harry, you wish to stain the reputation of S.P.E.W by sending my merchandise to those elf-abusing-"

"To be fair, Hermione, S.P.E.W. does not have a reputation just yet," Harry pointed out, slightly regretting his choice of words.

"Other than being classed as a joke," Ron commented.

There was ominous growling at the other end of the line. Harry gulped. "Hermione, I think you may have a werewolf in your house."

"S.P.E.W IS NOT A JOKE!"

"Damn it, she heard me," Ron grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I am not going to survive this year, am I?"

"Look, Hermione – you're not going to change hearts and minds immediately," Harry decided to go for the path of least resistance, using as much of his latent Slytherin side as he could muster. "Right now, people may see it as a joke. In the future, they may be more open minded. But, we both know that S.P.E.W might gain a bit more respect if people learn how much it pisses of our friend Captain Red-Eyes and his crew of Death Munchers!"

"They will keep it under wraps, Harry!" Hermione pointed out.

Good. The tactic seemed to be working!

"Correction: the adults will keep it under wraps," Harry responded with a grin. "Draco and his friends, on the other hand – they will be singing like canaries the moment they get on the Hogwarts Express!"

"He does have a point!" Ginny called. "Those poncy idiots will tell the first person they can. They are utterly incapable of keeping their mouths shut, especially Pansy Parkinson."

"The day that one can keep a secret is the day that the gates of Hades have been flung open," Dean agreed.

"So, is that a yes?" Harry asked in a faux-innocent tone.

Hermione huffed. "Well, some of my latest creations have failed slightly; they might be of some use to Nagini. I suppose I have been making a little bit too many scarves and jumpers … plus if the Malfoy elves get a hold of them I would be killing two birds with one stone …"

"Hermione, your answer, please?" Harry sighed quietly.

"We have some empty boxes upstairs. I will get Mum and Dad to post them later," Hermione answered, sounding a lot happier all of a sudden. Harry decided not to point out that the elves were far more likely to avoid the clothes than to take them.

"Thank you, sister-from-another-family!" Harry cheered.

"I am glad I am coming tomorrow. I can keep a closer eye on you," was Hermione's slightly amused reply.

"Urgh," Harry responded. "Guess I will just have to have as much fun as I can before you get here! Byeeeee!"

He hung up the phone before Hermione could get another word in. The Weasleys then watched Harry dial a number himself, those verdant eyes gleaming dangerously.

It seemed that Dean sensed danger from his end too. "Harry's eyes are shining, aren't they?"

"Yep!" all four Weasleys confirmed.

"Oh boy," was all Dean had to say. "Well, I guess I will just wait for another wake up scream from You-Know-Who, or the headline in the Prophet that reads 'BOY-WHO-LIVED MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARS AND ENDS UP DEAD UNDER MALFOY PATIO'."

"Please. The assassins won't make it that obvious," Fred scoffed with a smirk.

"Hey, Dud!" they heard Harry say jovially to his cousin. "Yeah, I am OK. You? What do you mean you have developed Harry Senses? Not you too! Oh that's good – oh hi, Piers! You're there too? Awesome. Hey, can you two do something for me? I will owe you guys big time again."

"Do you think they have developed Harry Senses too?" Ginny asked curiously.

"Only one way to find out," George stated, grinning evilly.

##############################################

Over the next few days, the Death Eaters tried to get rid of as much of the offensive clothing items that were still in the boxes as they could manage. It gave them something to do in between raids and meetings; they needed a break from Bellatrix and her slightly-less-manic-but-still-manic presentations about how best to make the Mudbloods and filthy Muggles suffer, helped of course by Mr. Mupples, whose job it was to sit there in his miniature Death Eater uniform and help keep Bella's mind on track. Voldemort had been tempted to evict Mr. Mupples from the meetings but since he seemed to actually help Bella think a bit more coherently now and again, he actually didn't have the heart to do so, much to Rodolphus' chagrin. Apparently, he was still not allowed to enter his own bed because some of Mr. Mupples' friends still had 'night terrors about the filthy Muggles coming to get them'.

The Inner Circle were still taking it in turns to keep an eye on the gates, as were the patrols around Malfoy Manor. The children would also periodically step out of the gates and look down the roads in case they saw anything that looked remotely Muggle. Even Nagini had taken up the habit of looking out of the window for 'ugly machines'. Severus kept himself to the potions lab of the Manor to stop himself from doing the same.

However, Draco, Narcissa and Lord Voldemort knew the Brat was once again up to something. They knew that the game of cat and mouse that the boy was playing with their psyche was going to continue – somehow, vexing his greatest enemy seemed to have spurred him on instead of intimidating him. How they knew this, they had no idea – Voldemort had tried to make use of his connection to Harry but had found that when he tried he came face to face with an ugly neon pink sign that read: YOU CAN GO NO FURTHER! NO SPOILERS, VOLDIE!

Voldemort had been both furious and perplexed. Severus had informed him that he had been weakening the boy's Occlumency defences, so how had the Brat managed to put this barricade in his way?!

It was the day before the O.W.L results were due to arrive when Draco, Narcissa and Voldemort all awoke with a foreboding feeling, butterflies zooming around in their stomachs. Draco's friends were fretting about their exam results all through breakfast while Rodolphus was attempting to not stab Mr. Mupples with his butter knife with Rabastan smirking his behind off. Bellatrix didn't notice this and was reading some book on Dark magic to Mr. Mupples while Narcissa concentrated as much as she could on her Witch Weekly magazine and not on laughing or crying. All the other Death Eaters were either eating, fretting about what the Potter boy was going to do next or chatting about the next raid. Voldemort and Nagini were discussing how best to get Lucius Malfoy and the other nitwit Death Eaters out of Azkaban should Narcissa's plan fail.

The day continued as normal, with Draco and his friends staying out of sight and out of mind in the garden, their parents attending the Dark Lord with Rowle, Dolohov and Mulciber being on Watch Out for Muggle Vehicles duty at the front gates. Rookwood, Macnair and Rabastan found themselves stopping with their paper work and planning in order to go over to the windows of their rooms to do the same.

How this had somehow become normality, none of them knew. Secretly, though, Rabastan Lestrange found himself hoping the boy would not get bored of bullying them. This made his semi-house arrest so much more fun and endurable!

"Why does it always take so long?" Dolohov complained, folding his arms in a manner akin to a petulant child.

"Snape says Muggle deliveries have to go through checks and distribution centres," Rowle answered. "Other Muggles have to work to send the mail to the correct place and then they have to be put into those van things and another Muggle has to take them all the way to the correct place."

"Barbaric," Mulciber scoffed. "They should have stuck to pigeons and ravens like sensible people."

"Muggles and 'sensible' don't belong in the same sentence, Balthazar," Dolohov snorted, shaking his head. "You should know this by now."

"Touché," Mulciber agreed.

"It's smart of Potter to use this inconvenient method, though," Rowle was forced to admit. "Makes tracking where his stupid pranks come from a whole lot more difficult. Apparently, Snape and our Lord still have not the foggiest idea where the pranks originated from."

"The boy is smarter than we gave him credit for," Dolohov agreed easily with a small smirk.

"It sounds almost as though you admire him, Antonin," Mulciber sneered.

"Oh come on, Balthazar! Never have I ever seen Narcissa Malfoy so up in arms; I don't think I have ever seen her lose her temper until now," Dolohov responded with a chuckle. "This boy has gotten under all of our skins with very little effort – he is a more than worthy opponent. He has us looking at a gate, for Merlin's sake!"

"No, a threat of more Boglins and a Cruciatus has us looking at the gate," Rowle corrected, but there was a ghost of a smile on his usually serious countenance. "But I agree that we should never underestimate the diabolical mind of Harry Potter ever again."

"I still think you're overestimating him," Mulciber huffed. "I mean, they're just a bunch of stupid pranks-"

Mulciber was silenced in about two seconds as he, Rowle and Dolohov heard the tell-tale signs of approaching vans heading up the road outside of the gates. The three Death Eaters exchanged a knowing look – they had finally arrived! Indeed, a white van with a giant letter 'a' with a yellow bow pulled up to the manor, followed by the murky brown UPS van and a red Royal Mail van. And lo and behold, Dolohov noticed that he recognised the girl from the last UPS delivery and the same guy from the Royal Mail.

"Fuck! Not this place again!" they heard the girl complain as she slammed the door of her van.

"Hey! There are people outside this time," the Royal Mail Muggle stated happily. "Hello there!"

Mulciber sneered at him while Rowle swallowed. "Hello."

The Muggle from the white van spoke up. "This is going to sound very strange, but I have a delivery for Draco Malfoy, a Mr. F. Greyback and a Miss. N. Snake."

"Same here!" the other two agreed.

The three Death Eaters exchanged subtle looks, trying not to look terrified. Fenrir Greyback was apparently Potter's next target! But who was – oh no. That suicidal idiot!

"Yes, both are staying here," Rowle was forced to answer, despite the fact he wanted to hex these three pieces of barbaric scum into oblivion. "You need to ring the bell though. We don't have permission to open the gate."

BRRRRRRRRIIIIINNGGGGG!

Wormtail once more fell of his seat, Severus almost dropped his vial in shock and anger, Nagini stopped bullying a house elf, Bellatrix and Rodolphus' argument about the Pet Monsters ceased; Rabastan, Macnair and Rookwood rushed out of their rooms and Narcissa closed her book, looking forlorn. Greyback and his pack all closed their eyes, praying for patience as they were forced to follow to stream of black to the parlour.

Narcissa by now knew the drill as her parlour was suddenly full of people. "Another delivery? For me or my son?"

"Eeerm … your son, ma'am. We also have deliveries for Mr. F. Greyback and Miss N. Snake," the Royal Mail Muggle replied, looking and sounding incredibly nervous.

Draco, on one hand, wanted the ground to swallow him whole, but on the other hand, at least his delivery didn't come late this time! Bloody Potter and his stupid Muggles and his stupid scar!

Fenrir paled as all eyes turned to him, even those of his pack. As for Nagini, she started to hiss excitedly. *The hatchling has finally sent Nagini a gift! Nagini wants her present, Tom! Why haven't you bought me a present yet but the hatchling has?*

I cannot wait to kill this boy, Voldemort grumbled internally.

Narcissa had waved her hand, and the vans drove up the gravel, with Dolohov, Rowle and Mulciber following behind it at a shocked, sedated pace. As for Fenrir, he was quietly fearing what in the name of Lycaon the boy had decided to send to him of all people!

As usual, the Muggles unloaded a ridiculous number of boxes. One of them was of such an odd shape that no one dared to even contemplate what was inside of it! Everyone found themselves chuckling though as Mulciber, Dolohov and Rowle were confronted with signing the deliveries off and the three of them tried to push each other towards the clipboard and pen.

Rowle eventually was the patsy who was forced to pick up the pen and sign his name.

As was routine now, the lower ranked Death Eaters flooded from all directions to start loading the boxes inside with a nonplussed Dolohov, Mulciber and Rowle behind them. The strange shaped box was carried straight into the parlour, followed by the one or two boxes that had NAGINI AND FENRIR written in black sharpie pen on the side, a few boxes from the white van and a few more from the UPS van.

Nagini was now beyond excited as these boxes came piling in. *Tom, which one is for Nagini? Nagini wants to open it right now. What has the hatchling bought Nagini? Tom! Stop cursing and look!*

Voldemort, trying desperately to remain calm, had a feeling that the oddly shaped box was definitely the present for his familiar. The issue was, he had not the foggiest idea what the Brat bought for her and Voldemort on one hand didn't want to know but knew his curiosity always got the better of him.

"Yaxley, open the odd box," he ordered in a quiet hiss.

Yaxley gulped but did as he was told, swishing his wand at the odd shaped box that was by far the biggest of all the boxes. The wood fell away onto the floor to reveal a giant glass container with knick-knacks inside of it – there was wood inside the glass and there was an intricate, palatial structure as well as a small container for either food or water as well as a skull of something that looked like a dragon or something. There were also some vines here and there and what looked like a bathing pool. Nagini slithered up to it eagerly to have a closer look.

*Tom, Tom, Tom – the hatchling has bought Nagini her own home! I have my own home!* the giant snake hissed excitedly. *You can make it bigger for Nagini, right, Tom? It's beautiful!*

Voldemort clenched his jaws. The boy had put effort into buying Nagini an actual gift! How dare he? How dare he humiliate his enemy and favour the familiar! Unacceptable!

The Dark Lord was not the only one who was jealous. Draco pouted. "Potter bought Nagini her first home? That's not fair. Why isn't he pranking her?"

"Yaxley, the next box!" Voldemort ordered, his ruby eyes glowing menacingly.

Yaxley prayed to Morgana for mercy as he approached one of the other boxes and used a Cutting Charm to severe the tape and the box's flaps went open with another nonverbal spell. Fenrir, knowing that one of the boxes was meant for him, stepped forwards, growling quietly to himself. Yaxley, as he did, immediately jumped away from the box as though it was possessed of some kind of contagion.

Fenrir frowned and peered inside the box to see why the conniving Death Eater had done so. It was in that moment his eyes become more lupine even without the aid of the full moon and he roared with such rage that it seemed to echo around the surrounding rural area, causing sheep and cows in the fields to panic. His pack immediately winced and the Death Eaters had all subconsciously gone for their wands; Draco and his friends had unabashedly hidden behind their parents.

"Fenrir, what'ssss happened?" Voldemort was the only one who had maintained composure.

The most feared werewolf in Britain, still growling, knocked the box over with as much aggression as he could manage. Out sprawled chew toys, pull ropes, tennis balls, squeaky balls, collars, frisbees and squeaky bones.

"The little shit SENT ME DOG TOYS!" Fenrir roared. "I will rip him to shreds! I will turn him into one of my kind AND LET'S SEE HOW THE WIZARDS LIKE THEIR SAVIOUR THEN!"

The Death Eaters were trying not to laugh at the fact that not only had Potter had the nerve to send a dangerous werewolf dog toys, but that members of his pack were secretly collecting some of the toys and frisbees behind their alpha's back while he was too distracted with plotting Harry Potter's untimely demise.

"Fenrir, calm yourssssself," Voldemort hissed.

"Yes, we still have two boxes left," Rabastan grinned.

"Fuck me," Fenrir growled.

"Not into werewolf, sorry," Rabastan teased.

"Which one is mine?" Draco wanted to know.

"Probably the one that isn't labelled 'Fenrir and Nagini'," Rodolphus rolled his eyes.

Much to everyone's amusement, Draco immediately opened the box, his friends peering over his shoulder curiously. Inside, there were devices that none of them had ever seen before. A few were smaller than the others and shaped differently. Many of them came with weird accessories, two buds on a wire or a weird curved thing with soft pads over either side. A few of the devices had CD WALKMAN and Discman on them. There was also music inside from singers and bands Draco never heard of before: U2, ABBA, Madonna, Annie Lennox, Bon Jovi, Take That, Pink Floyd, Rednex, Michael Jackson, Boney M and Enya were amongst the names.

Severus Snape had decided to take a look why his godson was pulling such a nonplussed face. The Potions Master had to blink a few times – he recognised WALKMAN anywhere. Lily used to have one and could listen to her tapes for hours on end. Severus smiled slightly.

"Uncle Sev? You know what they are?" Draco's question knocked the spy out of his reminiscing.

Snape composed himself. He cleared his throat. "I do. They are portable CD players – those things there are called earbuds and those are called headphones. The CDs are inside those plastic cases. It is to protect them, otherwise they get scratched and one cannot listen to the music on them."

"Oh. Potter sent music?" Blaise frowned. He looked through the music. "Are these singers and bands any good?"

Snape looked through the names. "No idea. Never listened to any of them."

"Why would he send music?" Daphne immediately got a pondering expression on her face. "I know for a fact he isn't turning nice. Why did he send music to Draco?"

"Maybe he knew Fenrir would be pissed and he wanted us to have something to calm him down?" Macnair suggested, grinning at the still fuming werewolf.

"Or to torture me further, the little bastard," Fenrir snarled.

"Now, now, Greyback, we may not like him but he was definitely conceived in wedlock," Dolohov quipped with a smirk.

"I can't wait to eat him," was all the werewolf retorted.

Nagini didn't agree with this sentiment. *Hatchling bought Nagini a home. You will not eat the Potter hatchling!*

"OK, Fenrir, my friend, are you calm enough for the last box?" Mulciber asked as he stepped towards the final box, wand unsheathed and the man grinning from ear to ear as innocently as he could manage as the volatile werewolf glowered at him.

"If we fucking must," the werewolf growled.

*It is also present for Nagini, dog! Nagini wants it open so it must be opened!* the giant snake hissed irately.

"Nagini, calm down. We will open the box," Voldemort promised soothingly, but deep inside he was on one hand really worried what the boy had sent both of them, but on the other hand, braced himself for more boasting from his familiar.

Mulciber opened the box without much hesitation, knowing that statement was just as good as an order. Fenrir grumpily stepped up to the box; Nagini was already slithering up the table leg, eager to see what she would be given next. Fenrir put one hand into the box and was utterly surprised when his hand closed around something extremely woolly and soft. He lifted it out and almost dropped the garments onto Nagini in surprise.

There were several different sized woolly jumpers. A few of them were decorated with disgustingly adorable patterns with the acronym S.P.E.W. knitted into it, there were small jumpers with 'Dobby is a H.E.R.O, are you?', 'Become a H.E.R.O today, don't be a zero!' and something that was supposed to look like some kind of logo but it went completely awry during the knitting process.

"Oh no," Millicent recognised the acronym almost immediately. "Oh no, no, no, no, no! Potter's been getting help."

"How do you know, sweetheart?" her father asked from the back of the room.

"That," the young girl pointed to the acronym. "That is Potter's friend Granger's House Elf Rights society."

"House Elf Rights?!" the aghast gasp of the Death Eaters ran around the room.

"So, the Mudblood has also been helping! Yes, Mr. Mupples, it is indeed more reason to peel off her toe nails and pull out her teeth," Bellatrix cackled.

Nagini had by now slithered into the box to see if she could find something that could fit her. Unfortunately for everyone, especially Voldemort, the snake found it. The box moved now and again with the giant snake emerging with a giant woolly sock wrapped around her scales with tiny elves decorating it. *Look, Tom! There are clothes for Nagini in here!* she hissed happily.

More than a few Death Eaters had to bite into their lips or cheek in order to stop themselves from laughing at Nagini and how adorable she looked in the sock. But they quickly had to get rid of their amusement, because their Lord and master looked more murderous than they had ever seen him.

"I am sssoooo happy for you," Voldemort spat out as faux-happily as he could manage.

*Will you make Nagini more clothes? Why did you never make Nagini clothes? Why is it the Potter hatchling and his friend know what Nagini want but you don't? I want more clothes! Toooooom! Stoooop ignoring Naginiiiiii!*

Steam practically coming out of his ears, Voldemort turned to his Inner Circle. "The first to prank the Brat back in the most spectacular manner you can, will not have to go on the next three raids and will not receive Boglins for the next three transgressions!"

It had to be said, it was incredibly embarrassing how spurred on the Inner Circle became at this point. Bellatrix and Mr. Mupples were less enthused, so they decided to help Rodolphus plan his instead.

"Oh boy," Blaise chuckled quietly. "Potter is not going to know what hit him!"

"They'll have to find him first," Pansy pointed out.

"Somehow, I have a feeling that may be sooner rather than later," Draco confessed. "And it's just going to be by sheer dumb luck."

###############################

So, Harry had decided to target two new people – Fenrir is going to have his handful with his pack, hahahaha! Nagini is such a diva; I love her XD

I want to thank the reviewer who left the idea for the S.P.E.W knit-wear; I just needed to include it! I am sorry it is taking so long – we had a guest with us again unexpectantly and well, I was obligated to help host them. Sometimes life can't be helped so I hope you guys still enjoyed yourselves! I know I did!

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