The Last Gifts of Summer
Avery Senior had been absolutely correct in his observation that the adults had lost their children to the new music that had been sent to Rabastan the day before. Draco, Pansy, Theo, Daphne, Millicent, Blaise, Vincent and Gregory were all sitting at the breakfast table the next morning, headphones on with their noses in books and magazines, barely paying attention to what was going on around them. Perhaps it was rather fortuitous that they were so distracted because the atmosphere around the breakfast table was palpable to say the least.
For once, the tension that hung around the majority of the Inner Circle had nothing to do with the still present fear of the glowing shapes stuck to the ceilings of the Death Eaters or they feared another prank in the night by the young werewolves from Greyback's pack, or even due to the fact that some of them had been forced on impromptu raids during the course of the night by an ever increasingly frustrated Voldemort. Nope, the Inner Circle were set to have a full on fight, Muggle style, because of something that had happened the night before.
Game night.
Predictably, not many of the Inner Circle had heeded Severus Snape's warning about the games that had been sent to Mr. Mupples – that some of them had been banned in households, including the Royal Family, because they had the propensity of causing some very vicious family divides. Well, after witnessing the game of Scrabble between Bellatrix, Mr. Mupples and some of the young werewolves, an assumption had gone around the Dark wizards that the other games were actually more tamer than they were, like Scrabble was. The argument between Bellatrix, Hannah and a young werewolf called Sebastian about whether 'Bumbershoot' was actually a word or not had been one of the worst things to happen during the game, aside from the debate between another of the werewolves and Mr. Mupples about using languages other than English. For some reason, the Death Eaters thought that because these arguments were tame, the hype around the games being problematic was exaggerated.
That was until Snape decided to drive the point home and got Macnair, Yaxley, Rookwood, Amycus, Alecto and Travers to play a game of Monopoly. Things spiralled quite quickly but the madness reached a zenith when Macnair landed on Marvin Gardens, which would have given Alecto a belated monopoly, and he utterly refused to listen to her bids for it and was completely content with bleeding her – and the others – dry with his glittering hotel on Park Place and barely landed on any of the damn tax slots.
It was no secret that the Carrows and Yaxley did possess a bit of a temper, but even Rookwood and Travers, both of whom had tempers that were relatively mild amongst the Death Eaters, soon turned incredibly murderous and had they not been causing such a noise that made Voldemort stomp downstairs to break up the screaming match that was happening, someone would have likely ended up with a missing eye.
From that moment on, Monopoly was banned unless Voldemort had the inclination to supervise to make sure that his Death Eaters behaved themselves.
After Macnair, Yaxley, Rookwood, Amycus, Alecto and Travers had a moment to calm down, Snape, on the advice of some of the younger werewolves, had risked the ire of the Dark Lord by proving his point a second time; this time, he pitted Reed, Bellatrix and Mr. Mupples, Avery Senior, Crystal Holland and Narcissa against each other in a game of Risk.
It had ended rather predictably: with Bellatrix and Mr. Mupples systematically taking over the world while the two of them savoured the salty tears from Reed, Avery Senior and the young werewolf, and the banshee screaming and swearing of Narcissa. On one hand it had been amusing to witness Bellatrix and her plushie trounce their opponents but on the other hand, even Voldemort found their ruthlessness in a game just a teeny, tiny bit worrying.
It was quickly decided that Risk was to be avoided around Bellatrix and Mr. Mupples at all costs.
Unfortunately, Voldemort had expected the salt to be slept off – it hadn't. Alecto, Yaxley, Rookwood, Amycus and Travers still looked set to rip Macnair's legs and arms off, and Reed, Avery Senior and Narcissa were still giving an oblivious and happy Bellatrix the stink eye while Crystal Holland absolutely refused to look in the direction of Voldemort's favourite lieutenant. The others who had been wise enough not to participate in the games or had not witnessed what had happened the evening before were sitting on tenterhooks the entire time.
Save perhaps for Rabastan, who contented himself with his smoothie making as usual. It was perhaps these smoothies that were cooling some of the murderous inclinations that were still boiling in the people who had lost their rounds yesterday. There were still many who insisted on drinking their delicious beverages with an enraged look on their faces, as a point of principle.
"YOU NEED A LIFE!"
It seemed that Dolohov's prediction that Snape would actually come to love his remote was going to come into fruition too because whenever someone became too sulky for his, or the Dark Lord's liking, Snape would subtly press a button on his evil, angry remote.
Amycus glowered at the Potions Master. "Snape, did you have to bring that damn thing with you to breakfast?"
"TAKE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR! MIGHT DO YOU SOME GOOD!"
Amycus' lips curled into a sneer. Dolohov cackled. "Never thought I'd say this, but the remote has a point. You look awful."
"So do you, Niffler face!"
"Touchy."
"Why don't you go and groom that stupid kitty of yours?" Amycus grumbled.
Dolohov grinned. "Already did that before breakfast. You should worry more about yours."
"YOU INCOMPETENT FOOL!"
"See? The remote agrees with me."
Amycus turned a nice strawberry red colour at this point.
The remote rounded on Dolohov. "YOU HURT PEOPLE'S EARS!"
"Wow. Rude."
A few chuckles ran around the table for the first time that morning; Snape looked like he was having fun for the first time in his life, which freaked a few of the Inner Circle out.
Rowle smirked. "The remote once more does have a point though, my friend!"
"May I remind you that it is a remote doing the insulting?" Jugson sighed, utterly exhausted about the depths of madness and depravity his fellows were sinking to.
"LIGHTEN UP, PARTY POOPER!"
"We're aware," Macnair cackled.
Voldemort, meanwhile, was messaging his temples while reading chapter three of the second self-help book he had temporarily borrowed from Rabastan. Nagini and Thalia were busy laughing at the Death Eaters.
*That remote should be charged with emotional battery,* Thalia tittered.
*Yes and also with indecent exposure – Snape is smiling!* Nagini wailed.
*I know! I wish I could shield my eyes!* Thalia sighed dramatically. *And here I thought the Dementors would add another one to their ranks following Snape's untimely demise.*
Voldemort listened in with a degree of concern.
Thalia continued. *Have you found a good ritual to summon a fairy yet? The rats and mice here are becoming stale and we are still not allowed to eat the falcons or the kitties and I don't think we have been offered a decent finger to eat.*
Voldemort blanched. Nagini sighed. *Every book I find consists of summoning some kind of female fairy or house fairy. There is even one for a banshee but nothing about trading a human for extra food.*
*Oooo but female fairies? Maybe we can find a suitable mate for Tom amongst their ranks!* Thalia lit up. *Human females and werewolf males are not to His Highness's tastes so let us try some fairies instead.*
Voldemort spluttered. *Now wait a minute-*
*I think we need to include male fairies as well,* Nagini ignored her oldest friend.
*How many times do I have to say this? I DO NOT WANT TO DATE ANYONE!* Voldemort wailed.
*Have you ever tried?* Thalia sassed.
*No-*
Thalia continued, shaking her head judgementally. *You see! There is the issue. You say no but you never tried. What happened? Did you get your heart broken by accident?*
Voldemort spluttered. Nagini, unfortunately, answered on his behalf. *The first hug he ever tried to give was rejected.*
*NAGINI!*
Nagini continued to ignore him. *He once did like someone but he thought it was a good idea to put a Cobra Lily by their bed. The person was scared of snakes, he later found out.*
Somehow, the colour managed to drain out of Voldemort's face. *Nagini, you promised you would never tell anyone!*
Thalia tutted. *Tom, you buffoon! Before impressing a mate, you have to make sure you don't scare said mate. Severus, may I borrow the remote please?*
The young ball python slithered over to the Potions Master as she hissed. Unfortunately, because the dower man did not understand a single word she was saying, Snape tensed up in fear and looked towards his Lord, fearing any and all incoming retribution.
Voldemort's eyes started to glow ominously red. "Ssseverusss, ssshe wantsss the remote."
Snape gulped and very carefully handed his evil remote to the Dark Lord's second snake. No sooner had he done so, Thalia made him point it at Voldemort and then pressed a button with her snoot.
"INCOMPENTENCE! YOU ARE A BLOODY, COWARDLY FOOL!"
Snape's face drained of any and all colour it had left while Thalia hissed and nodded in satisfaction. *Thank you kindly, Severus. I might not like your remote but it does have some opinions now and again,* she hissed primly as she joined Nagini again, ignoring a very angry Voldemort.
*Maybe we can ask the Potter hatchling to send some good examples of how one should attain a suitable mate as a human,* Nagini suggested. *So far, the Potter hatchling has made some pretty good choices for everyone.*
*NOT EVERYONE!* Voldemort thundered sulkily.
*Tom, you would be pissy with the Potter hatchling even if he sent you a luxury duvet set,* Thalia sassed with a great deal of snark embedded in her tone.
*It would depend on the duvet set!* Voldemort shot back. *But he intends to be a thorn in my side and thus would send something utterly distasteful.*
Thalia ignored him and turned back to Nagini. *How are we going to ask the Potter hatchling for help? We do not know how to contact him with the weird mind link thing that Tom has in his head with him. Why does Tom even have a mind link thing with the Potter hatchling in the first place if he hates him so much?*
Voldemort was counting to thirty in Parseltongue in his head at this point.
*No idea but I think it might explain why Tom is more petulant than normal,* Nagini sassed. *He is acting like an adolescent hatchling!*
Voldemort spluttered at that.
*Not a male one, though!* Thalia replied, hissing with giggles. *He had a secret diary, has a tiara hidden somewhere, has a magic ring that he loves so much, has a cup hidden in Bellatrix's vault and has an obsession with a teenaged male hatchling. Tom is acting like a girl!*
Steam was coming out of the Dark Lord's ears; Death Eaters and werewolves alike were already taking cover at this point because they were seeing their Lord shouting at his snakes.
*I DO NOT ACT LIKE A GIRL!*
*You complain about not getting enough beauty sleep!* Nagini hissed back irately.
*SLEEP! NOT BEAUTY SLEEP!*
*Same thing,* Thalia pointed out. She then lit up as she had an idea. *Wait, I think I know how we can maybe ask the Potter hatchling!*
The young ball python slithered up the table, causing many eyes to widen, including Voldemort's. Thalia didn't notice any of this and nonchalantly slithered up Voldemort's arm and up to his shoulder.
*Attention, Attention, Thalia to the Potter hatchling!* she hissed loudly into Voldemort's ear, causing the Dark Lord to wince. *This is Thalia to the Potter hatchling! Do you hear Thalia?*
*Thalia, stop yelling in my ear!* Voldemort snapped.
Well, well … someone is clever.
Oh no. Of course it bloody worked! Voldemort's eyes turned ruby red once more.
Harry, please go away.
But I heard my name. It would be rude not to answer, the Boy-Who-Probably-Would-Continue-Being-A-Nuisance-Even-In-Death answered in a tone that was a rather pathetic attempt at sounding innocent. What does Thalia want?
None of your business!
She called for me; it clearly is my business, Grandpa.
Do you want me to answer, you impudent fleabag?
Yes, but you're not going to because you're Mr. Petty.
You are a little extra annoying today, Harry, Voldemort noted.
I AM BORED! I AM STUCK IN A ROOM WITH RON, FORCED TO PLAY ROUND AFTER ROUND OF WIZARD'S CHESS BECAUSE EVERYONE IS WORRIED I WILL SNEAK OUT IN ORDER TO PLOT ANOTHER PRANK! I HAD A GUARD ESCORT ME TO THE TOILET!
STOP SHOUTING, BRAT! I ALREADY HAVE A HEADACHE!
Sorry.
Voldemort back tracked from think-shouting for a moment. Come again? Did you just apologise to me?!
Don't get used to it, the Boy-Who-Was-Clearly-Losing-What-Was-Left-Of-His-Sanity-By-Being-Imprisoned-With-The-Order-Of-Flaming-Chickens grumbled. He quickly recovered and got the conversation back on track, unfortunately. So, what does Thalia want?
*Are you asking for Thalia, Tom? Is the Potter hatchling listening? Tooooom, don't you dare let him go without asking for Thalia and Nagini!* the snake in question was hissing excitedly.
Voldemort grumbled incoherently before answering Harry. She wants you to send her and Nagini some things that could give them an idea of how to set two people up together.
There was no way in Hel that Voldemort was going to mention to the so-called 'Saviour' that his snakes planned to set him up with someone!
The Boy-Who-Seemed-To-Have-Nothing-Better-To-Do-Other-Than-To-Make-Life-Miserable-For-Everyone-Around-Him lit up at hearing that. Really?! Ooooo now that is definitely something worth doing. I will convene my Council later and discuss the matter. We will get on that soon.
Yippee, Voldemort grumbled.
Oh come on! I know you think love and friendship stink but not everyone is a misery guts like you, the Little Boy Wonder sassed. Who is it they are trying to set up, by the way? Please tell me they are trying to set up Rabastan and Reed?
Voldemort blanched and spluttered at hearing that.
Harry seemed genuinely confused by the freaked out reaction from his archenemy. What? I think they look cute together. The werewolves share that sentiment by the way.
Ewww, Voldemort commented.
What? Is it because Reed is a werewolf, you judgemental, bigoted Basilisk? the Boy-Who-Apparently-Had-No-Issue-Standing-Up-For-The-Relationships-Of-His-Enemies demanded. Or is it because you can't stand to see other people happy?
I can't wait to kill you.
Yeah, yeah, you're a broken record. Tell Thalia and Nagini their wish has been heard. Bye, Voldie.
With one more jolt of genuine irritation, the boy was gone and the Link was shut.
Voldemort looked to Thalia, who was looking at him expectantly. *He says he will see what can be done.*
Thalia lit up at this.
It was at this point that Fenrir and some of the older werewolves returned from their hunt; they got more than a few distasteful glances at the splatters of blood on their clothes and left on their faces. Reed made sure that the younger werewolves were occupied with eating before raising an eyebrow.
"Fenrir, I think you lot might be in a need for a bath," the Beta commented as lightly as he could manage.
"Yeah," Fenrir agreed, grinning. "We just came to get some smoothies and then wash."
*Mangey mutt,* Nagini commented distastefully.
Rabastan did not look very impressed either. "You will wash first or you will get a cup of milk instead of a smoothie!"
Fenrir and his wolves pouted a little at this.
Thalia started laughing. *Hey Nagini, how do you know when you are dealing with a stupid werewolf?*
*I don't know, Thalia. Tell me!*
*It howls at a full cup of milk!*
Voldemort snorted momentarily.
Dolohov snickered as he poured himself another cup of coffee. "Washing shouldn't be too much of a problem, considering that Potter was kind enough to make sure that you have all you need to make sure to get the blood out of your fur!"
A few chuckles ran around the Inner Circle, causing Fenrir and the three others to glower and growl at the Russian Death Eater.
Macnair cackled. "Have you run out of hair removal cream yet, dear Fenrir? Merlin knows there is a lot that needs to be covered with each shave!"
Fenrir's eyes suddenly turned more lupine. "Shut the fuck up, you malformed pony!"
"What, did your lady wolves take it all already?" Dolohov didn't take the hint. "I am sure if we let Potter know he will send some more for you!"
A vein started pulsing in the alpha werewolf's head. "I don't need any damn shaving cream because I have accepted who and what I am a long time ago, you out-of-date steak no one wants to chew!"
Some of the female werewolves did not take too kindly to this.
"What? You think we haven't accepted being what we are just because we are not content to have a hairy backside?" Hannah growled, her own eyes turning incredibly lupine.
"It is summer and we have to shave almost daily to keep the hair at bay!" another of the girls snarled. "I know you are content with wearing ridiculously long clothing during the summer but we are not."
"I feel ugly with too much hair," another younger werewolf, of around fifteen added, looking like she was about to cry at any given moment. "Not that you care for a moment about any of our feelings on the matter."
Fenrir paled rather quickly.
"Ouch," Rowle commented, smirking.
With that, several of the female werewolves left the hall, shooting dirty looks at their alpha, while Reed glowered at Fenrir for his insensitive comments. "How many times do I have to tell you to watch what you say around the girls when they're hormonal during that time of the month?!" he exploded.
"But the full moon-"
"The other time of the month, idiot!"
Fenrir paled even further, which caused the Inner Circle to cackle away.
Thalia started giggling. *Hey Nagini, I hope that Fenrir tries to avoid dancing if he ever tries to find a mate.*
Voldemort braced himself.
*Oh really? Why is that? Is it because he will never get a partner?*
*No, he has two left feet! Hahahahaha!*
Voldemort was very tempted to conjure a pillow to slam his face into at this point.
Unfortunately Thalia wasn't finished just yet. *Hey Nagini, what do you call a werewolf who has an attitude, a cold heart and loves to bite little children?*
*Erm, other than Fenrir, no idea, Thalia. Tell me!*
*Frost, because Frost-bites! Hahahahaha!*
A green pillow embroidered with silver snakes appeared in front of the Dark Lord and everyone watched in shock and horror as he slammed his face into it, wailing in utter complete despair.
It was at this point that Snape theorised that it was probably a good idea to give the Dark Lord some potentially good news, without also giving too much away. "My Lord, I should inform you that the decision has been taken by the Order to move Harry Potter to an undisclosed location in an attempt to keep an eye on him and curb his pranking habits. It seems that a few members expressed their concern for his safety-"
"HIS SAFETY?!" Lucius exploded at this. "What about our safety?!"
"I don't think they really give two Knuts about that, Lucy," Rookwood pointed out with a grin.
Macnair cackled evilly. "I am willing to bet it doesn't matter where the Order of Flaming Chickens decide to put him; that boy is going to find a way to continue his campaign of silly gift giving even if it means sitting on a roof with a Protego diabolica around him!"
"Well he is currently losing what shreds of sanity he has left, so the Order is actually doing something right," Voldemort mused.
It was at this point that Bellatrix paled to the same colour as snow. "What is that, Mr. Mupples? … Mr. Mupples, why are you crying?! What has Auntie Bella done wrong? … Erm … My Lord? Mr. Mupples would like me to tell you to stop being mean about his papa. He doesn't like it."
"HIS WHAT?!"
There were suddenly around twelve people either choking on their own saliva or on their smoothies in shock about what Bellatrix had said. Rabastan, Reed, the Death Eater children's parents, the rest of the werewolves, Dolohov and Macnair were all dying of laughter. Voldemort was blinking rapidly in utter bewilderment.
"I think we should definitely get a Mind Healer for Bella now," Amycus commented.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY, AMY?!" Bellatrix thundered, causing Amycus to wince and promptly hide under the table. She somehow quickly calmed down. "Sorry, Mr. Mupples – Amy is an idiot. No, Mr. Mupples, I don't think you're being ridiculous – we can play Battleship after breakfast. … Don't fret, Mr. Mupples, our Lord will be merciful enough to listen."
Voldemort's head was back in his pillow with Thalia using her tail to pet him on the head.
*There, there, Tom. You can always be mean to the Potter hatchling in your head and while you are doing your ridiculous doodles,* the young ball python stated, trying to cheer him up a little.
*They are not my doodles! The Brat makes me do them!* Voldemort wailed.
*And here I thought you said you would never let anyone rule you,* Thalia sassed.
It was at this point that Voldemort dismissed his Inner Circle, the children and the werewolves in order to blow off some steam once more by questioning Ollivander. So far, the wandmaker had divulged nothing useful, despite a myriad of Dark curses and hexes being flung at him.
Macnair, Dolohov, Mulciber, Rabastan and Rodolphus took Gatewatch duty that day; Macnair was still trying to hide from his friends and colleagues that he had managed to make murderous while Dolohov, Mulciber, Rabastan and Rodolphus tried to escape the werewolves who decided to play with their slot cars or had fetched their NERF guns to shoot at Fenrir or at any one else they felt like shooting. In Rabastan's case, he just wanted to listen to his new music in peace.
"Just a few more days and the children are all off to Hogwarts!" Macnair looked way to giddy. "I have so many pranks ready to send to Potter that I don't know which to send first!"
"Maybe give one or two to Augustus and Antonin? I am sure they would be more than happy to help you send them," Rodolphus suggested, Dolohov nodding empathically in the affirmative.
"I would be happy to help! I haven't got a good idea myself yet," Dolohov admitted.
"I don't know about you but I am more looking forward to being able to go out again a bit, even in disguise," Rabastan commented as he changed the disc in his WALKMAN.
"Indeed. We've been cooped up inside for too long," Rodolphus concurred. He frowned darkly. "I am a little worried about Bella."
"What? You mean with what happened at breakfast?" Dolohov snorted. "There's nothing to worry about. Bella is just being Bella."
"I still think she may be losing her grip on reality," Rodolphus insisted.
"She never had a tight grip on reality to begin with," Macnair pointed out.
"I am more worried that Mr. Mupples is slowly becoming fully sentient," Dolohov shivered at that thought.
Macnair, Mulciber, Rodolphus and Rabastan all shuddered at that thought. It was at this point that Roden, Beynon and Holland joined them, notably without Reed.
Mulciber frowned when he noticed this. "Hello, kids. Where is Reed?"
The three young adult werewolves sighed in unison.
"Tyler is giving Fenrir an earful," Beynon answered with a lopsided smile.
"As he should," Roden huffed. "I mean, everyone knows it is stupid to mess with a girl when she's already having a hormonal imbalance due to an inconvenient moment of the month. It is even dumber to mess with a female werewolf!"
"Why does Fenrir hate you guys shaving, though?" Dolohov asked curiously. "I don't get it."
"He thinks having fluff is the natural way for werewolves and that shaving makes us too 'civilised'," Holland scoffed. "I follow every other order, but never the stop shaving one."
"Ditto," Roden agreed, her arms folded.
Rabastan regarded the three young folk for a moment. "What were your lives like before you were … turned?"
Roden, Beynon and Holland laughed shortly.
"Fucking boring in comparison," Beynon commented candidly. "I was studying Music Theory at university. I loved making my own music mix tapes with sounds I used to record from animals and then I turned them into dance music. I was also working a part time job in a record store. My life was nothing too special."
"I wouldn't say my life was utterly boring," Roden replied. "I was a dancer; I was actually accepted into one of the best dance and performative arts schools in the country. Much to the chagrin of my parents, who wanted me to pursue a career in Biology, another one of the few things I was actually good at." She smiled brightly. "Don't want to toot my own horn, but I was pretty damn good at what I did."
"My situation was similar to Lydia's. I was an obsessive swimmer," Holland smiled nostalgically. "I was aiming to try and join the Olympic team for Great Britain but then … I suffered an injury that basically blew those dreams away. I had no other ambitions other than to be the best of the best. In some ways, Fenrir actually saved me from despair."
The Death Eaters kept their stunned silence for a moment before Mulciber plucked up the courage to ask another question. "What do your families think happen to you?"
"Killed by rouge wild animals and devoured," Beynon snorted. "I actually attended my own funeral. My parents buried an empty coffin into the ground, completely content to believe the bullshit excuse the police gave them."
"Same," Roden growled, her eyes turning more lupine in anger.
"Mine believe I committed suicide," Holland stated with venom. "All because I was attacked on the bridge and during the attack, we were both flung off the side of the bridge. Fenrir swam us both to shore – not that the witness saw that. All they saw was apparently someone jumping. I never came back so my family thought they had put two and two together."
"Unbelievable," Dolohov scoffed.
"It's better this way," Roden stated coolly. "My family would never accept me back as a werewolf."
"Plus your lot would never allow us to go back," Holland added. "Against the Statute of Secrecy and whatnot."
"So why did Fenrir pick you guys in the first place?" Rabastan dared to ask.
"He was bored, in my case, and apparently … he liked the look of me," Beynon answered, an expression on his face that told everyone that the young werewolf had no idea what to do with that.
"He smelled my despair and anger," Holland was next to answer. "He thought I was too young to be as bitter as an old biddy, apparently."
Holland actually laughed at that.
"In my case, he wondered what lycanthropy would be able to do for my dance moves," Roden confessed, shaking her head.
"And what has it done?" Macnair asked curiously.
Roden laughed heartily. "Bloody miracles! I am far more flexible now, have more stamina and can finally pull of some more fast pace moves without having to train for hours and having to do an insane amount of weight lifting."
"She trounces everyone every time we play dancing games," Beynon grinned. "We went to a club once – don't tell Fenrir, he doesn't know about this."
The Death Eaters lit up at hearing this and nodded.
Beynon continued. "Anyway a bunch of us went to a club not long after our first transformation to see if we could still handle the music and everything. At this club, there was this piece of garbage that kept hitting on Lydia and Crystal, acting like they were God's gift to the Earth. Bunch of us didn't like them treating our new sisters like garbage; they ended up challenging us to a dance off. They were a dance crew, as it turned out. They also thought that we would simply back off once we knew that."
Holland rolled her eyes. "Those guys are lucky I didn't kick them in the balls, even if we didn't accept their stupid challenge."
"The music hurt our heads like hell but we kicked their butts without trying," Roden grinned.
"Oh please, you, Crystal and Hannah carried the most of it, even with our enhanced wolfy senses," Beynon rolled his eyes.
"A dance off? You battled through dancing?" Rabastan was grinning like a Cheshire cat at that.
"Yep," Roden grinned back.
"How odd," Mulciber sniffed.
"Usually it is just good fun," Holland chuckled. "But sometimes the stakes are rather high, especially when dance crew honour is at stake."
Dolohov laughed. "Oh I would have loved to see their faces if they realised that they were not dancing against fellow Muggles but a bunch of werewolves!"
"I wouldn't!" Beynon blanched. "I really didn't fancy getting silver chucked at me, especially the cheap ass silver those idiots were wearing. Give me the honour of a silver bullet at least. It's less humiliating."
Roden and Holland giggled but the Death Eaters were rather lost on the joke.
Suddenly, the werewolves' ears pricked up and soon they were grinning toothy grins, their sharpened canines almost shining in the sun. "They're coming!"
The Death Eaters straightened in anticipation; Rabastan put away his WALKMAN.
"All right, wizards, colours!" Holland stated.
"Red!" Dolohov and Rabastan chorused.
"White!" Mulciber and Macnair responded at the same time.
"Brown," Rodolphus took the last one, hoping to Merlin at least one would show up.
The three young werewolves laughed heartily as their allies lit up instantaneously when they saw two white vans, one red and one brown van begin to pull up outside of Malfoy Manor. It never got old to see these adult wizards to light up like little kids at Christmas – it made them look a little less intimidating.
"Yes! I don't have to forfeit my smoothie tomorrow," Mulciber sighed in relief. Rabastan preened at this.
The Muggles jumped out of their vehicles, a few them a lot more exuberant than their predecessors had been.
"Yes, finally!" the UPS Muggle breathed a sigh of relief.
"Bloody ages to find this bloody place. So the rumours were true," the Royal Mail Muggle grumbled.
"Do you think the home owners are in?" asked one of the Amazon Muggles rather nervously.
His colleague, a girl with strawberry blonde hair, lit up. "We can ask those people over there! Hello there!"
"Hello!" came the chorus from the strange people on the gravel, watching the new arrivals.
"Who are the parcels for?" Holland called immediately.
The Muggles took out their clipboards.
"I have a delivery for a Mr. Tyler Reed!" the first Amazon Muggle answered.
Beynon, Roden and Holland lit up. Rabastan blanched. "Reed has been targeted?"
Macnair and Dolohov started cackling in anticipation.
"I have a delivery for a Mr. F. Greyback!" called the Royal Mail Muggle.
"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" the Death Eaters and the young werewolves wailed.
"At this rate Fenrir will have nothing left to bury, fling or chew from the boy's body," Mulciber huffed.
"I have a delivery for a Mr. L. Malfoy!" the second Amazon Muggle added.
"There goes another bottle of Firewhiskey," Rodolphus commented with an evil grin.
"I don't think he has one left!" Rabastan cackled maniacally.
Then the UPS Muggle came with their target. "This is going to sound demented but I have a delivery for a Mr. D.L. Red-Eyes!"
The Death Eaters paled to an unhealthy colour while the three werewolves began cracking their ribs laughing already.
Reed, Fenrir, Lucius and Voldemort – yep, this was going to be good!
Macnair pouted a little. "Why am I not a target?"
Mulciber rolled his eyes. "I have not been targeted either yet! Maybe the boy has seen no reason to target us?"
"Ring the bell!" Dolohov called to the Muggles. "We are not allowed to let you in, I'm afraid."
The Muggles exchanged a look but did as they were told.
BBBBBRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIINNNNGGGGGGGGG!
"IT'S PARTY TIME!" the werewolves cheered as they dropped what they were doing and raced towards the parlour, almost knocking down Death Eater guards and Inner Circle members as they went.
Rookwood and the younger ones stopped their bout of Street Fighter II as the parlour began filling up with people once more; Draco and his friends paused their music and put their headphones and music players to one side. Lucius was downing a glass of vintage that Nansi had managed to find in the cellar that dated to around 1895 while Narcissa was shaking her head at him. Fenrir and some of the other werewolves came in sheepishly, followed by a fuming Reed.
"Which vans showed up this time – oh, all three again!" Avery Senior grinned.
"Damn it, no forfeited smoothies," some of the young werewolves commented, pouting.
"Don't worry. If Basti makes me one I don't like you can have it," Rookwood reassured some of them, giving them a quick hug, which cheered the majority of them up.
"Yes, Mr. Mupples, Augustus is very nice," Bellatrix giggled, which made Rookwood preen as the others shook their heads at him.
"Oh dear," Rowle commented.
"Hello?" one of the Muggles' voices drifted out of the floating silver orb.
"Good day," Narcissa stated coolly. "Which of my guests have deliveries this time?"
There were some audible gulps from the Muggles, which made the Inner Circle smirk.
One of the Amazon Muggles plucked up the courage to answer Lady Malfoy first. "I have a delivery for a Mr. Tyler Reed, ma'am."
Reed's bad mood was replaced by abject shock and surprise while his young charges began cheering. "Reed is getting presents, Reed is getting presents!"
"I have a delivery for a Mr. F. Greyback!"
"Yaaaaaaaay, Fenrir too!"
Steam was coming out of the alpha's ears at this point. "Sajdnfndkjfhfncnsjsjdjd! WHY?!"
"Let me guess, Fenrir is going to use the boy's kidneys to make a stew?" Avery Senior sassed.
"But … why am I getting targeted?" Reed was still genuinely confused. "How does he even know my name?"
"Good question," Avery Junior frowned thoughtfully.
Fenrir was currently cursing away into one of the Malfoys' floral pillows.
The Muggles continued regardless. "I have a delivery for a Mr. L. Malfoy, ma'am!"
Down went another glass vintage with more sad Lucius noises and fake crying.
"This is going to be good," Travers could not help but comment.
"I hope he cries," Avery Junior agreed.
Then the last Muggle spoke up. "I really have to apologise for this, ma'am, but I have a deliver for a Mr. D. L. Red-Eyes."
"Oh no," the werewolves chorused, hiding their faces in their hands.
The tension in the room spiked as Voldemort's eyes already started to glow red. Thalia started laughing. *No wonder the Potter hatchling was so willing to help. He was already planning on sending Lord Grumpy Cloak a present already!*
Voldemort did not deign to give Thalia an answer; he was simply already plotting to send some more nightmares to the Brat during the night as punishment. Unfortunately, something rather freaky had to happen at this point.
"My Lord, Mr. Mupples says to take deep breaths and continue counting to thirty," Bellatrix put in. "And asks not to send torture scenes to his papa during the night with the nightmares. … What's that, Mr. Mupples? Our Lord should be careful with his present because it could stick to him?"
What in the name of Morgana has the boy done?! Voldemort fumed to himself.
"Mr. Mupples is scary," one of the young werewolves whimpered, hiding behind Rookwood, much to the Death Eater's amusement.
"… Mr. Mupples apologises," Bellatrix actually deflated at seeing the scared young wolf hiding behind Rookwood's legs; even Mr. Mupples looked physically sad.
*Thalia, I'm also scared,* Nagini commented.
*Don't worry, Nagini. Thalia will protect you from the big bad Mr. Mupples,* Thalia reassured her friend. *Hey, I know! Maybe we should get Mr. Ollivander to babysit one of Mr. Mupples' friends instead of using the Cruci-what-us Curse on him. I am willing to bet that will freak the wizard out to the point he will say anything to get the monster away from him!*
Voldemort hated to admit it, but that was not too bad of an idea.
Meanwhile the Muggles were busy unloading the boxes from their vans. The Royal Mail and UPS Muggles were the ones finished first since they unloaded only three boxes and one box respectively. Rabastan signed for them happily before the Muggles thanked them and took off quite quickly for their next delivery. The two Amazon Muggles unloaded ten boxes each, looking utterly nonplussed and was rather thankful Rabastan immediately signed them off so they could just be on their way.
Roden, Beynon and Holland already started bringing boxes in for Reed and Fenrir. Rodolphus brought in two of the boxes meant for Lucius while Mulciber took the last one. It was Rabastan who was brave enough to bring in the box meant for the Dark Lord. Dolohov and Macnair followed as the lower ranked guards, some with a kitten on their shoulder, brought the rest in.
Reed took his box and shook it experimentally, and looked a little concerned when he heard things shuffle around in there. Fenrir was glaring at the box containing his new present as though it was road kill, which made Holland flinch a little before she backed away quite quickly. Rodolphus and Mulciber practically skipped over to Lucius with face-splitting grins and Rabastan made sure to bow and scarper to stand next to Rookwood after putting the box meant for his master in front of the intimidating man.
Thalia pouted. *Only one? How boring!* she complained.
*But Thalia it could actually be something unique,* Nagini pointed out.
*Oh it will be unique – uniquely irritating,* Voldemort grumbled.
*Grumpymort,* Thalia huffed.
Voldemort glared at her before looking at Reed. "Mr. Reed, would you like to go firssst?"
Thalia and Nagini tittered; their friend ignored them.
Reed looked surprised but rather pleased at being asked to go first. Avery Senior very kindly used a quick Cutting Charm on the tape so that Reed did not have to waste time on that part and simply could open the box. Everyone watched the Beta of the Greyback pack open his box, peer inside, blink in surprise for a few seconds before beginning to laugh.
"Reed, what is it?" Hannah asked curiously.
"Indeed, do not keep us all in suspense!" Mulciber added with a grin.
Reed lifted out a package that contained an odd device with several extra parts that looked odd to the Death Eaters and even to some of the werewolves. Fortunately the packages already had the name of the device on their sides: laser pointer. The young werewolves lit up.
Snape deflated. Oh Merlin, why this? Why, why, why, why, why-
"What are those things?" Jugson dared to ask.
"Laser pointers are harmless enough, but they are used to create a small dot of light that certain animals like to chase," Snape explained. "Like cats and dogs."
Fenrir growled at this. Dolohov lit up. "Oooo can I have one to use on Tsar, Reed?"
Reed grinned. "Sure. I seem to have gotten more than enough!"
"Yes, Mr. Mupples, Antonin is planning on using that for his itty bitty kitty. Yes, indeed, Mr. Mupples it is a filthy Muggle device that should run on magic first before usage. … Mr. Mupples, I don't think your papa knows how to make something run on magic. What do you mean he already has done so?"
"Oh boy," Alecto grumbled.
"Hasn't the boy given the werewolves enough ammunition to create chaos?!" Amycus wailed. "Why is it they get all the mayhem inducing nonsense and he saddles us with the most ridiculous inventions known to the Muggle filth?!"
"For your precise reaction?" Avery Senior pointed out in an attempt to look and sound innocent, but failing miserably.
Thalia lit up. *Hey Nagini, why is it a good idea to bring a laser pointer when a werewolf is about to present their dissertation at university?*
Oh no, Voldemort braced himself.
Nagini lit up. *No idea, Thalia. Tell me!*
*He gets straight to the point!*
Bloody hell, the Dark Lord deflated.
Unfortunately Thalia was not finished. *Hey Nagini, when is the only time you hear a werewolf say "moo"?*
*When he has accidentally eaten a drunk?*
*Nope, when he is learning to speak Cow!*
*Really?!* Voldemort actually facepalmed at this. *Thalia, that was cheap.*
Thalia looked at him sassily. *Not as cheap as your expectations for a mate.*
*I HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS-*
*Exactly. That's the problem. I wish you would have some because then it would make finding a mate for you a whole lot easier.*
Voldemort felt one of the veins in his head begin to pulse again so he turned to the quietly sulking alpha werewolf, who was already dreading, not only opening his own box, but the mayhem his pack was going to wreck with Reed's new laser pointers. "Fen-"
The Dark Lord didn't even get the chance to finish saying Fenrir's name out loud when the alpha already tore into the cardboard box in front of him, already cussing and swearing as he did so. Very soon, the coffee table was covered by DVD and film cases with various different titles: Willard, Ben, An American Werewolf, Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Tremors, The People Under The Stairs, and Jacob's Ladder. Everyone crowded around to have a look immediately; Bellatrix surprised everyone by lighting up as she picked up some of them.
"Yes, Mr. Mupples, this filth does actually look like fun that your papa sent. Oh indeed, Mr. Mupples, we should have a look to see if it is any good – doubtful considering its origins. Maybe we can even make some sweets to enjoy? … Mr. Mupples, I have no idea what popcorn is."
"Oh no," one of the older werewolves' hands flew to their mouths. "Horror movies. Potter sent horror movies."
"They're bad?" Travers guessed.
"Not necessarily – they are just meant to scare the living daylights out of you," Hannah explained. She pointed to a few of them. "Some of them border into the realm of the slasher movie, which means they are horror movies where people die really horrible and gory deaths."
"Hehehehehehehehehehe!"
"Bella, calm down, please," Voldemort could not believe the order he was forced to give to his most bloodthirsty lieutenant, who was now jumping up and down like an excited eight-year-old.
"Why horror movies?" Fenrir growled. "Does he think I scare easily, the over-indulged little punk? I will show him!"
"You got scared by Lady Flopears and screamed the forest down," the young werewolf still hiding behind Rookwood commented, which caused several of the Inner Circle to break in five seconds.
Fenrir turned red in the face from anger and embarrassment but didn't admonish his young wolf either.
"Izzy, that was because Lady Flopears is slightly creepy," Beynon told her, rolling his eyes.
The young wolf in question pouted. "No she isn't!"
"Yes she is!" came a chorus from the rest of the Greyback pack.
"Luciussss, your turn!" Voldemort decided to shut down this little argument very quickly.
Another glass was soon full. "Maiorum, miserere ad meae magicae et animae-"
"Lucius!" Narcissa hissed irately, Draco pinching the bridge of his nose.
"YOU SMELL OF ELDERFLOWER AND WEAKNESS!"
Snape did not regret pressing the remote one bit as Dolohov, Macnair and Mulciber snorted with laughter.
The slightly tipsy Lord Malfoy pulled out his wand and somehow managed to use a Cutting Charm to cut the tape rather neatly down the middle and then stumbled to his feet to open the box, earning a few snorts from the rest of the Inner Circle. Lucius attempted to ignore them as he peered into his box.
Lord Malfoy blinked at the contents, thinking perhaps the drink was getting to his head.
"Lucy, what is it? An ugly fox fur hat?" Avery Senior asked with a grin. "A new fur coat meant for women?"
Lucius didn't have the energy to even get snappy as he lifted out a gift basket full of white fake flowers and several different products in white, feminine looking colours from hair masks to shampoos to conditioners to face cream and massage oil. Everyone could tell that they were meant for women, which ensured that very soon the floor was littered with Dark wizards and werewolves dying of laughter. Lord Malfoy compounded his humiliation by lifting out the other two gift baskets: one that was pink, which was rose scented and the other purple, which was lavender scented. Narcissa did take an interest in the latter. Lavender was her favourite scent after all.
"So Potter knows you need to learn to relax," Yaxley smirked.
"It is because of that blasted boy I am stressed!" Lucius snarled.
"Drama queen," Rookwood, Rabastan, Mulciber, Macnair and Dolohov chorused.
"Think of it this way, Lucy," Amycus smirked. "Very soon we will be on equal footing with Potter because he will be at Hogwarts in a few days, and then we will get him back."
"Speaking of which," Narcissa rose elegantly to her feet, a calculating glint in her eyes. "I need to write some letters. Thank you for the reminder, Amy."
Without so much as a formal dismissal from the Dark Lord, Lady Malfoy departed from the parlour, worried and shocked glances following her. Voldemort was actually more concerned about to whom those letters was going to be sent than the fact Lady Malfoy had effectively overruled his authority.
*Tooooom, you haven't opened your present yet!* Nagini and Thalia brought his attention to the situation at hand. *Openitopenitopenitopenitopenitopenitopenitopenitopenitopenitopenit-*
*I am going to open it! Keep your scales on!* Voldemort huffed. It really was like having two annoying daughters sometimes.
The Dark Lord severed the tape on his box with an elegant non-verbal Cutting Charm, quietly dreading the contents inside, and after counting to ten in Parseltongue mentally, dared to peer inside the box. Everyone pre-emptively took cover.
"HARRY JAMES POTTERRRRRRRRRRR!"
Kittens mewled in fright and hid in the cloaks of their new owners. The baby falcons cried out in fear and hid in the feathers of their owl foster mothers. Peacocks cried out and hid in bushes. The wind started turning bitterly cold and thunder clouds started blanketing Great Britain as the Dark Lord's dulcet tone ricocheted from one end of the isle to the other once more.
A mirror in Fudge's office cracked. Two kitty plates split in Umbridge's office again. Queen Elizabeth sighed glumly as another one of her tea sets spontaneously turned into porcelain shrapnel. It was a very good thing indeed they just finished afternoon tea. That Dark Lord needed to take a nice brisk walk.
*What is it now?* Nagini demanded in a motherly tone. *You are lucky nothing valuable broke!*
Eyes positively neon with ruby, Voldemort lifted out the accursed contents of the box. His followers and allies dared to peer around sofas and armchairs to see what was in it and immediately had to dive back in order to make sure they didn't laugh in the irate Dark Lord's face.
It was a huge, curly rainbow wig.
Thalia and Nagini lit up when they saw it.
*Put it on, Tom!* they begged.
*ABSOLUTELY NOT!*
*Why not? Are you worried it will tickle your scalp?* Thalia demanded.
*IT IS A RAINBOW WIG; THAT'S WHY!*
*We need to bribe him, Thalia,* Nagini stated.
Thalia frowned ponderingly for a moment before she lit up. *Tom, if you put the wig on, we will stop trying to set you up with a mate until the Potter hatchling has sent his stuff.*
Voldemort suddenly felt like crying in despair. That was actually bloody tempting!
*And we will help annoy Ollivander,* Nagini added.
*And we will hide Lucy's Firewhiskey,* Thalia threw another one in.
Voldemort, for whatever reason, broke. *FINE! I will put the wig on – for a second!*
Nagini and Thalia looked very pleased with themselves.
Against his better judgement, the Dark Lord – while thinking of expletives and many different ways to kill Harry I-Deserve-A-Very-Slow-And-Painful-Death Potter – lifted the wig to his head and put it on, eyes still glowing red. As soon as they saw the sight, Nagini and Thalia were dying of laughter.
None of the werewolves and the Inner Circle – apart from Bellatrix and Mr. Mupples – could keep a straight face either, which resulted in many of them excusing themselves in case the Dark Lord started to get Cruciatus-and-giving-out-Boglins happy again.
Voldemort was itching to reach for his wand, but he somehow managed to stop himself. *OK, I hope you two have had your fun,* he hissed at his snakes and he moved to remove the wig from his head.
He froze. The wig was still stuck to his head.
No. No! NO! The bloody Brat didn't!
Voldemort yanked the wig again. Nope, still stuck to his head.
Nagini and Thalia broke into fits of hissing laughter again. The Potter hatchling had gotten Tom again!
Very soon, the Death Eaters realised too that the wig was stuck to their master's head and a few of them – mainly Yaxley, the Carrows, Bella and Mulciber – immediately tried to use any and all spells they knew to remove the damn thing. Nothing worked, not even Banishing Spells.
"Mr. Mupples, this is not funny! No, your papa is not a genius! … Mr. Mupples, you have to admit this goes a bit far – no Mr. Mupples, do not ignore meeeeeee!"
"YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING!"
"Snape, shut your fucking remote up!" Alecto snarled.
After around the sixth attempt to get the wig off, Voldemort started screeching like a banshee again. Narcissa was very glad she was writing the letters that she did; the Potter boy needed to be taken down a peg or two and learn that his actions have consequences.
Severe consequences.
###########################################################
"Harry Potter, what in the name of Merlin, Morgana and all the fairies of Avalon were you thinking?!"
"Did you hear that? Old Snakeface sounded pissed!"
"Tonks, this is not funny!"
"No, Harry's right, this is absolutely hilarious."
"You should not be encouraging it!"
"Oh come on, Molly, the man needs to learn to lighten up. We can all agree on that."
"Remus Lupin, I expected better from you!"
"Mol, you remember which group Remus used to belong to at Hogwarts, do you not?"
That reminder from Moody of all people did stop Molly Weasley in her tracks from continuing to admonish Harry Potter for the two waves of Dark Lord screeching that the entirety of magical Britain had the displeasure of being subjected to. Around the table were Harry, his Council of Pranks sans the Creevey brothers, Dudley, Dean and Justin, Dumbledore, Molly and Arthur Weasley, Remus, Tonks, Kingsley and Moody.
The Boy-Who-Knew-That-The-Dark-Would-Be-Gunning-For-Him was watching proceedings with a satisfied smirk on his face.
Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling with amusement. "I say Tom has had very little fun in his life so let Harry bring some gaiety into his and his followers' lives. I daresay some of them are even growing a little more mellow because of it."
Molly looked appalled. "Headmaster, you cannot be serious!"
"No indeed, I am not Sirius, nor will ever try to be," Dumbledore joked, causing the kids to snort. Remus cracked a rare smile. "But I do think we are making a bigger fuss than necessary. Harry is perfectly safe and once at Hogwarts he will be perfectly safe also. Tom's followers will not be able to cross the wards."
"See?" Arthur Weasley raised an eyebrow, daring Molly to refute that statement.
Molly huffed. "Very well."
"Indeed. Once back at Hogwarts, Potter's little pranking habits will be curbed a little more," Moody growled.
"Sitting right here, folks," Harry felt the need to state a little coolly. He really hated it when people talked about him as though he were not in the same room as them.
"Yes, and the very fact you are not strung up is a bloody miracle, boy!" Moody rounded on him.
Remus glared at the former Auror. "Watch your tone, Moody. Harry may have taken some dangerous risks in what he did but even you can't deny that if those Death Eaters were truly mad at Harry, they would have already moved the depths of the Underworld to find him."
Moody harrumphed. "We will ask that spy on status of those Death Eater scum when he gets back. I also hope he forgets that damn remote of his!"
None of the adults noted the amused look the children were exchanging with each other.
Kingsley then turned to them. "Children, you are dismissed; try not to cause any more mischief for a while. For the sake of all our hearts, if you please."
Harry and his friends got to their feet and ran upstairs before anyone else could stop them.
"Good thing they don't know about the mobile phones," Ginny commented as soon as they were sure they were out of earshot of the adults.
Hermione huffed. "I still wouldn't be surprised if the Dark hired Muggle hitmen in order to get past the wards."
"Oh please! The Muggles would see nothing but rubble, you know this," Ron rolled his eyes.
"I do think the adults to have a point about one thing," Harry smirked evilly. "The Death Munchers do need a reprieve before they get too spoilt. We can't have that, now can we?"
Hermione rolled her eyes while the Weasleys grinned just as evilly and nodded in agreement.
Little did any of them know that two owls had arrived at Hogwarts and at a small house in London. One visiting Minerva McGonagall, who was enjoying her last few days of peace before the new school term started, and the other visiting someone Narcissa had not seen in a long while: her middle sister, Andromeda Tonks.
It was safe to say that when both witches read the letter from the last person both of them expected to be contacted by and found out exactly what one Harry Potter had been up to, they were actually more than happy to oblige to participate in Narcissa's little revenge scheme.
Indeed, the new Lord Black had no idea what was about to hit him very soon.
###########################################################
The summer mayhem is over and very soon the school mayhem is going to start with the Death Eaters going to have the opportunity to start getting their own back at our young prankster. What will they do? How will Harry answer them? Stay tuned to find out!
I would love to thank everyone again for their wonderful ideas. I especially want to thank the reviewer who suggested that Narcissa's revenge should constitute taking Harry on a shopping trip – I loved it so much I am so going to do it. All right everyone: not only do we need ideas for further pranks, but also the revenge of the Death Eaters! Muhahahahahaha! I also wish to thank the diabolical viewer who suggested to go all out with Mr. Mupples and have the plushie call Harry his papa and Bella start to semi defend Harry for Mr. Mupples' sake.
I will see you guys in the next moment of madness!
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