The Dark Side's First Prank: The Secret Spiller
Walden Macnair is very pleased to report that he slept very well last night, thank you very much. The Dark Lord had given his precious prank the green light and he could barely sit still at breakfast with excitement. He had no idea how the Potter boy was going to receive it, or even if he was going to be able to keep it, but Macnair contented himself with the fact the Secret Spiller was likely going to record was Dumbledore was doing and saying, or McGonagall or even Severus Snape and then spewing it out at random intervals. That in itself would be worth it, given how embarrassed or angry or mildly irritated each person would be.
Macnair had gotten up bright and early to make sure that he could prepare the Secret Spiller for its journey, write a letter, send them both off with his owl Jehoshaphat – a very ill-tempered owl who had blood red eyes and hated everything and everyone – to make sure that they would arrive with the rest of the parliament of mail owls that would be descending on Hogwarts' students.
Unfortunately for his friends and rivals, it meant having to put up with a smug Macnair who could not wipe the smirk off his face, even when he got shot in the back by one of the young werewolf's NERF guns. Yaxley had tried to get Macnair to at least frown by Charming Macnair's smoothie to taste of sewage, but Macnair had simply dispelled the Charm on his drink and continued drinking happily.
Even Voldemort was very tempted to just hex, curse and jinx his follower for being too happy, especially when he heard Thalia and Nagini laugh at him, because it only meant one thing. Thalia had a joke lined up.
*Hey Nagini, what do you call a very happy Death Eater?*
*I have no idea, Thalia, tell me!*
*A problem!*
Voldemort was counting to twenty in Parseltongue in his head again. He almost regretted allowing Macnair to send that stupid box to the Brat; the Dark Lord silently hoped that his other Death Eaters would not get any ideas of their own any time soon. Apparently, according to his snakes, Macnair had enough for ideas to go around!
Morgana have mercy on me, he grumbled to himself.
He waited for Harry's snarky comment to come through the Link, but Voldemort was pleasantly surprised to notice that the boy had not heard him, or if he did, decided that the comment was too easy to react on.
Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, was still up for debate.
Unfortunately, Morgana was having way too much fun bullying Voldemort to stop now.
"Mr. Mupples, stop throwing a strop! I don't know how your friends are doing at Hogwarts, Mr. Mupples – I will write to Drakey-poo today, OK? … Don't worry, Mr. Mupples, Walden has not sent anything too bad to your papa because Walden knows he will lose his balls otherwise!"
Macnair gulped as Bellatrix's glowing eyes fixed on him. Fortunately, Mr. Mupples started bobbing again, drawing Bellatrix's attention back.
"Yes, Mr. Mupples, Dracula was a fun movie … Hmmm? … What do you mean, does he look like someone I know?"
Rabastan frowned to himself. "Now that I think on it, that actor of Dracula did look a lot like Sirius Black …"
"Oh, you saw that too?" Avery Senior sighed with relief. "I thought I was going mad for a moment."
"Unless you start talking to Mr. Mupples as well, I don't think anyone will ever think you're mad, Father," Lysander Avery reassured with a chuckle.
Bellatrix ignored them and continued listening to her plushie. "I don't understand – Mr. Mupples, there is no need to pout. … What? I don't know if your papa will write today, Mr. Mupples. He may do – Mr. Mupples, he is probably busy with school!"
"Snape's detentions for one," Rowle muttered as he picked at his fruit salad with his fork.
"Thorfinn, shut up!" Bellatrix snarled, Rowle flinched visibly. "You scared Mr. Mupples!"
"He will survive," Rodolphus growled, glaring at the plushie that has been causing him a headache for weeks now.
"He might not," Dolohov thought it was a good idea to point out. "I mean, Walden sent his prank off with Jehoshaphat! That boy is going to lose a finger or two at least – Bella, why the fuck is your plushie rolling towards me?!"
"Mr. Mupples, what did I say about running on the table?" Bellatrix mock-scolded with a cold smirk as Dolohov shot back from his chair and backed away from the table as Mr. Mupples came to sit in front of the Russian Death Eater's breakfast plate, seemingly glaring at the man.
Thalia tittered. *Mr. Mupples is on a roll, Nagini!*
*Indeed he is, Thalia!*
Voldemort sighed in exasperation.
Dolohov rather wished he had a Christian crucifix or some holy water right about now; perhaps there was something to the Muggle belief of Christianity that things could get possessed. Maybe not by demons but Dolohov was certain Mr. Mupples was now being possessed by something!
Amycus shook his head at him, glaring like an irate father. "Antonin, stop being a child, sit down and eat!"
"I am not going to sit down with that thing sitting there!" Dolohov protested, keeping an unblinking gaze on the plushie.
"MR. MUPPLES IS NOT A THING!" Bellatrix exploded.
"Woman, stop screaming!" Fenrir snarled as the werewolves covered their sensitive ears.
"A little rich coming from you!" Rookwood shot back.
Voldemort once more wished he had a nose to pinch the bridge of. "Bella, asssk Mr. Mupplesss to leave Antonin alone," he ordered.
"Mr. Mupples, you heard our Lord!"
The plushie monster paused a few seconds before rolling back down the table to Bella's open arms, Rodolphus looking even more murderous, jaws clenched tightly. Voldemort really hoped Harry had not witnessed that; it was, frankly, terrifying. More terrifying than those stupid movies his followers watched.
Dolohov tentatively returned to his seat, Macnair trying not to laugh in his face and Amycus glowering at him.
Thalia started giggling again. *Someone's Boggart likely just changed into Mr. Mupples!*
Nagini started laughing too. *I would love to see that. What is it that one of Tom's best warriors fears the most? A giant squid, a scary bear, a wolf – no, fear the awesome power of Mr. Mupples!*
*Hey, speaking of changing Boggarts, I think Tom's changed into a rainbow wig!*
*No way, it has to be people laughing at him – or a mirror.*
Voldemort began praying again.
It was at this moment that there was a BBBBRRRRRIIINNNG!
Everyone sat bolt upright in anticipation. Had the boy managed to get around Hogwarts' anti-Muggle electricity wards? Did McGonagall blink one too many times? The questions were soon answered by the silver orb floating towards Narcissa; Lucius looked very tempted to summon an elf to get some morning alcohol.
However, there weren't any delivery vans. Well, there was only a Royal Mail van who dumped a pile of something wrapped in plastic in front of the gates and then drove off again without so much as looking at Malfoy Manor. The Death Eaters and werewolves watched as Lydia and Crystal, who had been on a morning run, fetched the pile and immediately brought it inside.
"Who is that for?" Alecto dared to voice as the girls came in.
"Augustus," the girls chorused with a grin.
The Unspeakable lit up. "Oh yes! Potter signed me up for a bunch of magazines – they must be the new copies!" he exclaimed happily as the girls came around the table with the bundles. "Thank you so much, ladies."
"So, Augustus just gets presents every month, or every other month?" Mulciber snorted. "That's actually rather clever."
Rabastan's eyes began to shine. "Augustus, I will make any smoothie on your request if you let me read one of your magazines," he attempted to bribe.
Augustus Rookwood sighed and quietly cursed Rabastan's pleading look. "Oh very well. But – only one! So pick very carefully."
The youngest Lestrange lit up triumphantly; Rodolphus shook his head fondly at his younger brother.
*Hey Nagini, I think Rabastan and Augustus need to be reclassified,* Thalia commented.
Nagini cocked her head. *Oh yes? To what exactly?*
*The Death Merchants!*
*Wow,* Voldemort deflated in his seat.
*Lord Grumpy-mort,* the girls chorused.
######################################################################
Harry Potter regretfully has to inform everyone that he is more bored than ever. Voldemort was not even holding a meeting during the night or engaging in Nightmare Ping Pong with him, instead only reading books and magazines and doing paperwork – which somehow made Harry go to sleep while being asleep! By the time it was time to get up, wash, dress, pack his bag and head to breakfast to prepare for the day, Harry was extremely tempted to try and push his luck with the staff by messing with the colour of their cloaks.
Slughorn wouldn't mind, especially since Harry had won him over yesterday with the help of the Half-Blood Prince's book and made the perfect Draught of Living Death, which had even trumped Hermione and Draco's potions. Both had not been happy; Harry was very happy that looks could not kill or he would have been ash and bone.
Ron, Dean, Seamus and Neville tried to distract Harry with talks of the Quidditch try-outs and the election of a new Captain. Ron, Dean and Seamus wanted Harry to put his name forwards for the Captain ship but the Boy-Who-Was-Very-Likely-To-Make-A-Bludger-Turn-Into-A-Murderous-Disco-Ball-Just-Because-He-Felt-Like-It was not as manically excited as his friends were.
It seemed Neville had some concerns too. "Aren't you a little worried that Harry might deliberately make the brooms talk simply because he was bored one evening and they just happened to be near him?"
"That could be just objectively funny, though," Dean grinned as they made their way down to the Great Hall. "Besides, Harry does have leadership qualities and he is the youngest Seeker in a century. Together with Ron's strategic mind, none of the other Houses could stand a chance. For Merlin's sake, no one knew it was him pissing You-Know-Who and his followers off until now!"
"Plus, it could give me a pretext to avoid Hermione while I plot," Harry realised, lighting up.
"Some of the team could blab, though, mate," Seamus pointed out.
Harry deflated at this. "Yeah, fair point."
"Don't worry, mate, we still have evenings in the dorms and common rooms to plot," Ron reassured. "Hogsmeade trips too."
"Ssssshh, keep your voice down," Dean advised as they joined the rest of the student body spilling into the Hall for breakfast.
The boys kept to Quidditch again all the way to their seats at the table; Hermione, who was looking annoyed, and Ginny, who was looking now and again nervously at her friend, joined them very quickly. Ron noticed the sour look on the final member of the Golden Trio's face almost immediately.
"Did Crookshanks mistake one of your essays for his litterbox?" Ron grinned.
Hermione's eyes and nostrils flared immediately. "No!" she snapped. "Parvati and Lavender were so irritatingly blasé about what Harry has been pulling; I told them that he is lucky to be alive, and they said I am lucky that my hair hasn't fallen out due to stress! I mean really!"
"Is that really what bothered you? Not being outdone by Harry yesterday?" Seamus quipped, also feeling rather suicidal.
Harry kept his eyes on his coffee mug and got the Half-Blood Prince's book out again to read.
"I was not outdone by Harry!" Hermione thundered, Ginny wincing at the high octave.
"No, of course not," Dean coughed, biting his cheek while trying not to laugh in the high-strung Muggleborn's face.
It was a fair statement that the majority of the people around the group was very happy when the owls arrived, providing what they thought would be a momentary distraction because Hermione would be set to rant about ridiculous journalists being biased in their commentary and judging other articles for "not mentioning rights of elves and Dark creatures more often".
However, any hope they had that Hermione Granger's ire would be stilled or redirected to something a little safer was soon dashed when a comically malevolent looking black owl with ears that looked more like imp or devil horns and had beady glowing red eyes and a contempt for everything and everyone around it that was very overt landed right in front of Harry, deliberately sitting in the middle of Harry's empty breakfast plate. While most eyes bugged out – including at the staff table – the Slytherins could be heard chortling, Snape looked on eagerly and even Dumbledore looked set to conjure some popcorn.
As for the Boy-Who-Was-About-To-Get-A-Taste-Of-His-Own-Medicine, he had somehow not noticed that there was an owl with a delivery for him because Harry had his nose in the Half-Blood Prince's book again.
If there was something that Jehoshaphat the owl hated above everything, it was being ignored while being on a delivery. Macnair's owl made a noise of indignation and flapped his wings, hoping the breeze would make the boy look up.
It didn't.
Jehoshaphat scowled and puffed his chest momentarily before he began squawking angrily, making many people turn around to look at the Gryffindor table with a great deal of concern. Still, no reaction from the Boy-Who-Was-Trying-An-Owl's-Patience.
"Harry," Dean began nudging his friend nervously.
"Dean, I am reading, go away," was the reply that shocked everyone.
"Mate, look up!" Ron insisted.
Harry did not look up. He was trying to find some fun and interesting spells he could use for one of his pranks perhaps. Unfortunately for him, the owl who was making the delivery was very bad tempered and not very patient. Jehoshaphat had enough of being ignored and promptly began pecking the boy's fingers and then flew up to peck him on the back of the head.
Now that did get Lord Black's attention!
"OWW! Stop that – what is this for?! Stop pecking me!" Harry protested, dropping his book on his lap to protect his head with his hands, the laughter from the Slytherin table accompanying the scene the entire time.
"HOOT! HOOT, HOOT, HOOT!" Jehoshaphat snapped as he landed in front of the boy, gesturing to the parcel with his wings and holding out his leg.
Harry looked and lit up. "Oh, for me?"
"HOOOT!" Jehoshaphat screeched as if to say, "no shit, you idiot!".
"Good grief," Harry pouted as he untied the letter . "You're a grumpy one, aren't you?"
The Boy-Who-Really-Needed-To-Keep-His-Mouth-Shut-If-He-Wanted-To-Keep-His-Fingers promptly got pecked again by the owl for that statement. It was Ginny who managed to calm the owl down enough for him to stop pecking Harry; Jehoshaphat accepted the pats but still glared daggers at the impudent boy. Once the letter was untied the owl screeched one more time in Harry's face before taking off.
"I am betting that owl belongs to You-Know-Who," Ron commented with a smirk.
That made Hermione pale in an instant.
Harry turned the letter over to see a seal that he didn't recognise. Curiosity instantly killing the cat, he broke the seal, unfolded the letter and began to read.
Potter,
I hope you realise just how much of a little shit you have been over the summer and well, we just can't allow you to get away with it without some form of retaliation – we do have a reputation to uphold. I know you have yet to target me but I simply could not resist getting my own back for you being responsible for us having shapes on our ceilings, enjoying smoothies and giving Bella Mr. Mupples! I swear we are going to lose Rodolphus to a nervous breakdown.
Anyway, I hope you hate this prank,
Walden Macnair
P.S. Jehoshaphat is a moody bastard so guard your fingers.
Harry's countenance lit up with an evil smirk.
So it had begun: the first shot from enemy canon fire. From someone who had not been one of his targets. Walden Macnair: the would-be executer of Buckbeak the hippogriff. Harry kicked himself for not targeting the man earlier.
Well, now he would have a reason for retaliation, but first – to see what Macnair had sent him.
Harry set the letter aside – Ron immediately picking it up to read it – and started to unpack the parcel, tensing a little just in case he needed to draw his wand at any given moment. The Boy-Who-Was-Expecting-To-Be-Hexed-By-The-Thing-In-The-Parcel was almost disappointed when he threw the ugly brown paper away and came face to face with what appeared to be just an ordinary looking wooden stationary box. It was decorated with ravens and crows and had runes engraved on the side. Harry carefully looked inside to see leaves of parchment, envelopes, quills, ink – what the fuck was this?
"I think we should prank Macnair for a lack of imagination alone," Harry stated out loud, causing his Council of Pranks to snicker.
Hermione was less than amused.
"It could be a Dark artefact just disguised to look absolutely boring," Dean thought it would be a good idea to point out.
As one would expect, that set of the Most Stressed Witch in Hogwarts. Hermione's hazel eyes practically started glowing and she had her wand out in around five seconds flat. Harry sensed the danger immediately and quickly hugged the possibly-disguised Dark artefact close to his chest.
"Harry James Potter, give me that box!" Hermione screeched.
"Not on your life!" Harry retorted easily. "My Dark artefact! Get your own!"
Hermione spluttered in disbelief at that. "GET MY OWN?! That thing is DANGEROUS!"
"It's a stationary box."
"No it isn't!"
"Yes it is."
"HARRY!"
"If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's likely a duck or Tonks."
"That makes no logical sense!"
"That's because you're thinking too complexly."
"GIVE. ME. THE. DARK ARTEFACT!"
"You didn't say please. Mind your manners, Hermione."
That was the straw that broke the camel's back for Hermione Jean Granger. Very soon, the Hogwarts students, the staff and Voldemort – who was spying through the Link because he had sensed the Brat laughing internally – were witnessing the so-called Brightest Witch of her Age chasing down the slightly psycho Boy-Who-Was-Very-Posssessive-Of-Pranks-Sent-By-His-Enemies-For-Some-Reason around the Great Hall.
Harry dodged Stunners left, right and centre as he shouted, to everyone's utter shock, "Professor Snape! Heeeeeelp! She's trying to take my stationary box-that-might-end-up-cursing-me away from me!"
Severus Snape blinked in disbelief for a moment before pointing his remote at Hermione.
"STOP BEING SUCH A GOODY TWO SHOES!"
In utter shock, Hermione practically tripped over her own feet, allowing Harry to escape around the Ravenclaw table, back to the Gryffindor table, stuff the box into his bag, grab his cloak and bag and escape out of the Great Hall and up to the Charms classroom, followed by Dean, Seamus, Neville, Ron and Justin while everyone else was either dying of laughter, in the case of the Slytherins, or completely flummoxed at what they had just seen.
Severus Snape, to the shock of everyone, was smirking with satisfaction.
Hermione, who was red with anger and embarrassment, very soon gathered her own things to head to class while trying not to glare at anyone who was laughing directly at her face. Professor McGonagall rounded on Snape very quickly.
"What in Merlin's name was that, Severus? Have you completely lost your mind? You are supposed to be a teacher-"
"Minerva, I was requested by a student to assist them, so I did," Snape responded primly, Slughorn, who was seated between these two, sliding in his seat a little.
"You pointed that remote at a student!" Minerva thundered.
"IT IS TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO BE CATTY!"
"And now I pointed it at you," Snape smirked.
Steam was coming out of the Head of Gryffindor's ears at this point. The Heads of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were forced to bite their cheeks in order to not laugh in their friend and colleague's face. Slughorn looked almost as though he was regretting agreeing to coming back to Hogwarts. Professor Trelawney was looking like she was staring into space and Professors Vector and Babbling were pouring themselves some more coffee, too tired for this nonsense already.
As for Dumbledore, he laughed good-naturedly. "Now, now, Severus, Minerva. Let's not get stressed on the second day of the school term? We already had enough excitement yesterday."
Minerva rounded on him instantly. "You are not going to let Potter keep that box, are you, Albus? What if Miss Granger is right and it is a Dark artefact?"
Dumbledore's eyes started twinkling again. "I say we let Harry keep it for a while, but if it does prove to be a danger to the students, we will remove it immediately. Now, have we got an update on the removal of the mural on Hufflepuff's entrance?"
"I am afraid not, Albus," Pomona Sprout looked very tired at this. "Filius and I tried everything; it is almost as though it has been enchanted to resist magic."
Severus' eyes not so subtly went straight to the Slytherin table and to Draco and his friends, all of whom were still recovering from watching Granger failing to catch Potter, and preparing to head to their first lesson as well.
"I am sure the answer will come soon enough," Albus reassured. "Is that not right, Sibyl?"
"This is only the beginning," was all the creepy Divination professor answered with, causing the rest of the staff to either fear for the coming school year or pinch the bridge of their nose while praying to Merlin for patience.
"Lovely!" Dumbledore beamed. "Who wants the last croissant?"
##################################################################
Lunch could not come fast enough for the two budding street artists. Blaise and Millicent were thankful they had not opted to take Muggle Art or Magical Art as extracurricular lessons, because the Art classroom at Hogwarts was possibly one of the most boring classrooms the pair had seen in their years at the school. The classroom had only around six easels, a total of three paintings on the wall, a cabinet full of different paints, brushes, pots for water, newspapers and books, a pottery corner, one giant table with sculptures on top of it, one or two other tables with some stools and a teacher's desk.
There were a total of five people in the classroom, with no teacher in sight. There was a Hufflepuff who was working on a charcoal drawing of one of the sculptures on the table, two Ravenclaws who were doing self-portraits in the style of Renaissance artists and two Gryffindors who Blaise and Millicent guessed were Kingsley and Ferrars.
Millicent and Blaise decided a divide and conquer approach would be best. Millie approached Kingsley while Blaise went to see if he could butter Ferrars up. Ashley Kingsley was a fifth year who was rather unassuming – dirty blonde hair, blue eyes and was painting a china bird. On the face of it, this seemingly angelic girl did not look like a rebel of any kind. Benjamin Ferrars was a baby-faced seventh year with curly dark hair and a boyish charm; he looked more like a rebel, given that his sculpture was of Grindylows bullying a mermaid.
They both had talent; Blaise and Millicent could give them that easily.
Kingsley was the first to look up from her bird. She blinked for a moment at the stranger standing in front of her. "Can I help you?" she asked civilly. "Do you take Art? Are you new?"
Millicent scoffed. "No. I was wondering if you could help me with something."
"Oh?" Kingsley raised an eyebrow. "And how could a Gryffindor be of help to a Slytherin?"
This one has spunk, Millicent noted to herself. The Bulstrode heiress smiled serenely. "Well, a little … birdie, told me and my friend that you would know a good place to do a bit more … unorthodox art work."
Ashley Kingsley stiffened momentarily and her eyes hardened.
Gotcha. Potter's information had been correct.
"Who told you that?" Kingsley demanded, lowering her tone.
"Someone who is apparently as good as we are at figuring out secrets," Millicent replied with a sigh. "All I know is that he is from your House – Blaise and I almost got ourselves in hot water yesterday-"
The Lion in front of her started laughing. "Morgana and Nimueh, that awesome piece of art was you two? No way! Get out of here! I would never have pegged two Slytherins for being decent spray artists."
Millicent scowled. "Why not?" she demanded.
Kingsley gave her a pointed look. "Please! All you pureblood heiresses worry about is your hair, nails, clothes and who your parents are going to match you up with for their own political gain."
Millicent had no good retort for that. Kingsley sat back and grinned at her. "Which one was yours? The snake or the unicorn?"
"The unicorn," Millicent smirked lopsidedly. "Blaise and I call them the Stabby Duo."
"Oh, they even have a name? You're the real deal, all right," Kingsley looked like she had just discovered a gold mine or something. She looked towards where Ferrars and Blaise had been talking. Millicent turned to see Ferrars smirking evilly and Blaise giving her a double thumbs up. Kingsley then turned back to Millicent. "Meet us in the Armoury on the third floor at eleven sharp tonight. We will put you to the test."
"What kind of test?" Millicent asked with a small gulp.
The young Lion grinned. "That is for us to know and you to find out," she eyed Millicent with a look the Bulstrode heiress had only ever seen in pureblood heiresses. "I mean, it is OK if you are scared-"
Millicent's eyes flared. "We will be there," she stated coldly.
"Good," Kingsley responded with satisfaction as she dipped her paintbrush into the water and then into the orange paint. "We are already looking forward to it."
Millicent gulped. As she and Blaise made themselves scarce, with Blaise looking as terrified as she was, they were both thinking the exact same thing: we now get why Harry Potter does not want to cross these two.
######################################################################
The Boy-Who-Knew-He-Was-Going-To-Have-To-Tap-Into-His-Slytherin-Side-Way-More-Often was getting really fed up of having to dodge and hide from the assessing eyes of his teachers as well as having to avoid Hermione's near constant badgering – either about his new stationary box or the Half-Blood Prince's book.
Harry was never more thankful to be able to escape to his dorm after dinner, soon followed by Dean, Seamus, Ron and Neville. Colin and Dennis were soon at the door and Ginny was on her mobile as soon as she was back in her own dorm. Justin and Luna too quickly retired to be able to be at the next Council of Pranks meeting, also via phone. The last member did not waste much time picking up his own phone.
"Still alive, cousin?" Dudley chuckled.
"Yes, but our mate is getting a taste of his own medicine," Dean informed him with a grin.
"What do you mean?" Dudley sounded way too happy for his liking. "Did he have to clean the graffiti?"
"No, even better – the Death Eaters are retaliating," Ron answered giddily. "Macnair sent Harry something. Dean thinks it is a Dark artefact of some kind but it looks more like a stationary box, and the guy even sent a letter!"
Dudley started guffawing, causing the rest to join. "Jesus! That's made my day. OK, so what are we going to send the guy back?"
"Well, I was thinking perhaps we could send Mr. Macnair some of my self-knitted toys that I have been making," Luna suggested serenely. "A few of them even sing lullabies and tell bed time stories-"
"I like that idea!" Seamus voted.
"Sounds like fun," Ginny laughed.
"OK, girl-who-I-think-I-haven't-met-yet, you going to send them to me so I can send them via the post?" Dudley asked, clearly grinning at the other line.
"I am Luna, nice to meet you," Luna answered. "I will send an owl with them soon."
"General, are we still going to be going for multiple targets?" Colin wanted to know, smirking evilly. "Because Dennis and I came up with some good ideas!"
"Oh yeah, Piers has a suggestion too," Dudley added.
The Boy-Who-Was-In-His-Pranking-Element-Once-More lit up. "I am absolutely still allowing more than one target. Colin, you first."
"Well, I was thinking Mr. Mupples doesn't have a very clear way of communicating with everyone else around him; he has to rely on Bellatrix Lestrange to translate everything," Colin's eyes shone. "I thought to send him an etch-a-sketch and slinkies!"
"A what?" Ron, Neville, Luna and Ginny chorused.
"It's a toy for young kids, really," Dean clarified for them. "It's usually used to draw pictures and what not."
"I think we should do it," Justin voted with a grin. "I would love to see the faces of the freaked out Death Munchers when they get to see Mr. Mupples' words for themselves!"
"How will he be able to use it though?" Neville wanted to know.
"I think Mr. Mupples will find a way," Ron chuckled.
"All right, Dud, what idea did Piers have?" Harry continued.
"He thought perhaps to send something really embarrassing to one of the people you haven't targeted yet," Dudley informed excitedly. "Piers thought about buying a bunch of embarrassingly girly diaries."
"I like that already," Seamus lit up.
"That does sound like fun," Luna agreed.
"But who will be the target?" Ginny wanted to know.
Neville was the one who came up with the name, which took Harry by surprise. "Did you send something to one of the Carrows yet?"
"We sent pregnancy books to Alecto Carrow once!" Dennis confessed gleefully.
"What?!" Seamus almost fell off his bed, laughing.
"Good gracious," Luna added, a lot more controlled but amusement still embedded in her tone. "I bet she was not too happy about that."
"No, she wasn't," Harry confirmed happily with a smirk.
"Did we send anything to the brother yet?" Justin asked. "I don't think we have."
"Amycus," Ginny stated darkly.
"Girly diaries for Amycus Carrow," Dudley repeated. "Why don't wizards just pick normal names for their kids for once, seriously? There! The order is made! Little Creevey, what was your idea?"
"Well, I think we should see if we can get that rainbow wig on You-Know-Who's head to fall off in anger," Dennis replied excitedly, eyes shining with mischief. "I was thinking that since he is just a Scrooge in general, we send him one of those old night gowns and a Teddy Ruxpin."
"Oh noooooo!" Dean, Seamus, Justin and Colin chorused, absolutely delighted but also semi-pitying the evil Dark wizard already.
"What is a Teddy Ruxpin?" Luna wanted to know.
"A possessed teddy bear," Colin answered candidly.
"The thing looks normal but it's cursed," Justin shuddered. "My young cousin had one and it still gives me nightmares to this day."
"Worse than Mr. Mupples?" Neville's eyes widened.
"Much worse," came the ominous reply from the Muggle, Muggleborns and Muggle-raised.
"I say the nightgown and Teddy Ruxpin are in," Harry decided with a grin. "And Dudley, would you be so kind as to find some good or shitty romantic Christmas movies to send to Nagini and Thalia? They are trying to play matchmaker and need some ideas."
"Oh good grief!" Ginny burst out laughing. "Who are those snakes trying to set up?"
"I have no idea – Voldie refused to tell me – but I am really hoping it's Reed and Rabastan," Harry informed.
Neville blanched at this. "Rabastan Lestrange? And who is Reed?"
"Fenrir's Beta," Ron supplied.
"That could be rather embarrassing," Seamus pointed out. "Being put together on dates by two meddling snakes!"
Neville began grinning at that.
"I have made the order!" Dudley announced. "I just need those plushies now."
"OK, I will go and send them now," Luna answered and she hung up.
Harry chuckled to himself. "I think I will write a thank you note to Macnair too. We should stay polite."
The Council of Pranks began to disperse; Luna and Justin's dormmates had kept their opinions to themselves but they had been utterly flummoxed as well as entertained at how Harry and his growing group of pranksters were doing this. Justin had managed to bribe his Badger friends to keep their silence about what they had heard and Luna's dormmates had decided to hold their tongue because they had not ever imagined Looney Lovegood helping to torment the Dark side.
As for Hedwig, she was very eager to help Luna with the errand.
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Macnair's Secret Spiller is in the inner sanctum! What secrets will it start spilling and when? How will the Death Eaters react to the retaliation of the Saviour and his Council of Pranks? Will Macnair be pleased or disappointed with the letter and his present? Stay tuned to find out.
I am going to admit that I feel like an idiot for forgetting that Dracula and Sirius had the same actor; thank you everyone for reminding me and if I use a movie that has a HP actor I will make sure to make doubly sure I make the joke in that chapter … But as always, I love reading your reviews and your suggestions for pranks! I think I will use the Flea & Tick Shampoo suggestion from the reviewer Duder at some point – Fenrir's rage is just too funny.
If any of you have good ideas for the Death Eaters' revenge, please send them as well. Narcissa's revenge will be coming soon … muhahahaha.
I will see you in the next moment of madness!
Kingmaker'sUmbreon