BattleBox: Dolohov versus Rowle
Antonin Dolohov and Thorfinn Rowle were not present for breakfast the Monday following the shopping trip Narcissa had taken with her estranged older sister and the Potter boy. While many found this odd – and were gleefully hoping that it meant the pair would receive more Boglins for the indiscretion – Voldemort knew exactly what his two followers were up to and thus didn't feel the need to give out any Boglins that time.
Because of the rainbow wig that was still stuck firmly to his head, the Dark Lord was forced to stay inside and tend to paperwork. That morning he had been forcing himself to read reports from spies within the Ministry when there had been a very tentative knock at the door of his study. Voldemort had been secretly rather grateful to whomever was taking mercy on him.
"Enter!" he had snapped.
In came Antonin and Thorfinn, both looking exceedingly nervous, considering the looks they were exchanging. Voldemort had raised an expectant eyebrow. "Well? What isss the meaning of thisss interruption?"
Antonin had gulped a little. "M-my Lord, w-we would like your permission to send a prank to Potter. We have an idea that could work."
Voldemort had sighed irritably. Were all of his followers going to ask his permission every time they had an idea? He really hoped not! "Very well. What isss it?" he demanded to know.
"A variant of Potter's confetti bomb, my Lord – only done properly, with magic," Thorfinn had answered readily. "The issue is, Antonin has an idea for the spell combination but I want to do something differently so we would like to send both, my Lord."
"We have also borrowed a few of Walden's ideas," Antonin added with a small smirk.
That alone made Voldemort smirk internally. He hated to admit it, but Walden did have some golden prank ideas that could definitely work. Hopefully these ones could work a bit more regularly than the Secret Spiller. Apparently the latest thing it did was blab to the entire Gryffindor common room that Ron had a nightmare about opera singing spiders, one Seamus Finnigan had a crush on someone called Dean and that Hermione Granger had been voted the Most Uptight during a secret voting competition between students.
There had been nothing too scandalous or salacious yet and Voldemort was severely disappointed.
The Dark Lord had glowered at his followers. "You have my permissssion. Now, get out!"
Antonin and Thorfinn had bolted from the room in seconds, practically slamming the door behind them. Voldemort had chuckled in sadistic satisfaction; he did have a reputation to try and uphold after all.
This was why the two Death Eaters had not left their rooms in about an hour and thirty minutes since they got the green light for their prank; they were too busy competing with each other for the most creative confetti bomb box to come and join their friends and colleagues at the breakfast table. Perhaps they had some foresight; the atmosphere at the breakfast table wasn't too happy.
Reason number one: there was yet another domestic dispute between Rodolphus and Bellatrix regarding Rodolphus' behaviour to Mr. Mupples. Poor Rabastan had been forced to sit between his brother and sister-in-law, because Bella was positively vibrating with rage and Rodolphus was also quietly seething.
Most people knew not to say anything about it and to simply pretend like nothing was untoward. However, it had been Travers who was the one to set the pair off again when he took his own seat at the long table and noticed that Bella and Rodolphus were once again angry at each other. "What has happened this time?" he had thought it was a good idea to ask out loud.
"Derrick, shut up!" chorused many Death Eaters and werewolves at the same time.
Unfortunately for them all, Bellatrix broke immediately. "Mr. Mupples was having a fun stair race with some of the wolfies and their slinkies. Balthazar ruined one of the races and then when I asked Dolph to fix the slinky, he refused to fix Mr. Mupples' slinky!"
"I had fixed those slinkies fifty times!" Rodolphus exploded.
"The slinky got tangled! You are supposed to be helpful!" Bella shot back without missing a beat.
Rodolphus spluttered in indignation. "I am helpful!"
"You were – not anymore," Bellatrix stuck her tongue out at him petulantly. "You hurt Mr. Mupples' feelings!"
"It's a braindead toy, much like he is!" Rodolphus shot back.
"A little rich coming for you!" Bella hissed venomously as Rabastan hid behind his cooking magazine and sunk a little lower in his seat.
"Mr. Mupples can play with something else! He's got enough, the spoilt brat," Rodolphus scowled.
"Help me," Rabastan commented to no one in particular.
The other Death Eaters decided to start commenting as well at this point.
"All you had to do was fix the slinky and you wouldn't be in this mess, Dolph!" Avery Senior pointed out with an irritated huff.
"I do have to say that Balthazar should have watched where he was going," Macnair commented as he finished his smoothie.
"It wasn't my fault one of the slinkies was in my direct path!" Mulciber protested.
Rodolphus' eyes shone dangerously. "I am going to enjoy getting that stupid half-blood back for this humiliation!"
Bellatrix's eyes flashed menacingly in her husband's direction.
The Death Eaters gulped when they saw an axe being drawn on the etch-a-sketch with Mr. Mupples not so subtly looking menacingly in Rodolphus' direction. Bellatrix cackled evilly. "Yes, Mr. Mupples, if Dolph does something too mean to your papa we will get him back!"
"Hey, Dolph, I don't mind chewing on his shoes for ya if you get your hands on them," Fenrir commented with a smirk.
"Ewwww," Roden pulled a face, as did many of the female werewolves.
"Boy foot odour is noxious," Holland added, looking very green at this point.
"Shoes don't taste nice," Izzy continued.
As for reason number two why there was a bit of tension around the table, it was because Voldemort himself was not in a good mood. Thalia and Nagini had spent almost the entire day the day before watching the movies the Brat had sent them, together with the werewolves and Augustus.
They were now nattering his ears off about "which example is best to follow to attain a mate".
*You should definitely meet them face to face. Falling in love with your pen pal? The next thing you know you could be talking to the Potter hatchling or his friends!* Thalia had tittered. *You also need to think very carefully about what kind of mate you want so no more being difficult – and also do not pick one too soon because that gets you into all kinds of trouble.*
*Thalia, did you notice that one of the actresses in the movies looked like Bella?* Nagini added.
*Augustus saw it too; I have to admit that they do look rather similar,* Thalia responded. She continued tormenting Voldemort. *Remember, Tom, no bringing Teddy Ruxpin to meet your mate or us – you have to find a mate all on your own. You should also make sure your wig is off your head by the time you find one you like; no one wants to date a clown.*
*Is that why you haven't got a mate yet?* Voldemort could not help retort.
*Now, now, Tom, we are focusing on you, not me,* Thalia answered primly. *Here is another important thing to look for in a mate: they also have to get along with your family. So I hope you warn them about Bella and Mr. Mupples beforehand or they may run away screaming.*
*I think they may already run screaming because he has no hair and no nose,* Nagini commented, causing Voldemort to splutter a little with indignation.
*I am sure we can find someone who can look past that,* Thalia replied. *A blind person for example.*
Voldemort counted to fifty in Parseltongue in his head, wishing again for a nose to pinch the bridge of. Macnair noticed the two snakes gossiping and he couldn't help but comment to Mulciber, Avery Senior and Yaxley, "do you think they are plotting a date for the person they're trying to match?"
Mulciber snorted.
Yaxley rolled his eyes. "Those snakes can't even talk to the people they are trying to match. Their whole endeavour is rather pointless."
"Erm … Corban," Avery Senior gulped. "I think you need to be quiet."
Yaxley was about to ask why when he, Macnair and Mulciber had noticed that Mr. Mupples and his etch-a-sketch had appeared in front of them with the words SHUT UP clearly written on the screen, the My Pet Monster glaring in Yaxley's direction. Bellatrix was cackling away, as per usual.
"This is officially the worst idea Potter has ever had," Mulciber commented, gulping a little. "I was perfectly content not knowing what Mr. Mupples was saying."
It was at this point Thalia had an idea. *Wait, I have just thought of something. I know exactly how we can tell someone about Tom's need for a mate, Nagini!*
*Oh? How?* Nagini wanted to know.
*We ask someone who can!*
Voldemort's eyes widened as the young ball python slithered up the table and towards Mr. Mupples and his etch-a-sketch. *Excuse me, Mr. Mupples, may I borrow your etch-a-thingy for a moment?*
Oh no!
Mr. Mupples' etch-a-sketch soon had a giant question mark drawn on it. Thalia giggled. *It's not too bad. I just need to write something.*
The question mark faded and the screen was blank as the snake approached. Before Voldemort could stop his snake from blabbing, Thalia was already setting to work with Macnair, Mulciber, Avery Senior, Yaxley and several others watching her in fascination.
"What is that … is that a … T?" Mulciber tilted his head to get a good look.
"I think so," Avery Senior agreed. "Oh, look she's drawing a circle next to it."
"Father, I don't think that is a circle," Lysander commented; he had come over to stand behind his father's chair to get a better look. "It's the letter O."
Thalia hissed happily. Macnair chuckled. "Lysander is correct, I think! Oh, she's off again … what's with the strange zig-zags? Is that a mountain?"
"Walden, don't be an idiot, I think that's the letter M," Yaxley grumbled, rolling his eyes.
"T … O … M," Jugson repeated with a frown. "Tom? Tom. The person they're trying to set up is called Tom?"
The python nodded enthusiastically. Voldemort had his head in a pillow at this point, praying for mercy from any deity who would listen.
"Who is Tom? Does anyone know a Tom? Fenrir, do you have a Tom in your pack?" Macnair called eagerly. Mulciber paled considerably.
"We don't," Fenrir answered with a frown. "I think it must be one of your fellow Death Eaters. Do you know a Tom in your ranks?"
"We don't know every single guard by name, dog," Bellatrix huffed.
Macnair's excitement did not abate. "Well, let's find out! I will tell Potter that the name is Tom – hopefully the Brat will still allow us to pick a target from the Flaming Chickens. I was thinking of suggesting Moody."
"Good one," Travers agreed, eyes gleaming menacingly. "I still owe him for that stupid telekinetic spell he got me with."
"I would have said Lupin," Fenrir growled. "That traitor to his species needs to be put in his place."
"Awwww, someone still cannot get over that particular rejection," Amycus quipped, causing a few snickers to run around the table. "Lupin was the one that got away!"
The alpha glowered at the Death Eater as the wizards snickered. "Shut it, Amy!"
Voldemort, quietly seething at Nagini and Thalia, thought it was best to dismiss everyone for the day before he started throwing Cruciatuses around.
#######################################################################
"We have been doing some thinking since our two new members managed to complete their initiation and we thought it would be fun to do a small competition," Kingsley informed the group of fifteen secret street artists at lunch. They had gathered in an abandoned classroom on the fifth floor as per Kingsley and Ferrars' request.
Blaise and Millicent exchanged a look as an excited murmur ran around the room. Ferrars smirked. "We thought we could make dear old Filch's job a little bit more difficult since Peeves' last trick got stopped by the Bloody Baron. The objective is simple: create an artwork in any part of the school that is either not easy to find unless one knows how to find it, or hidden in plain sight, without using magic to hide it. You can choose inside the castle, or outside the castle. You can work alone or in groups of up to three and you have a week to complete your artwork. Sabotaging your opponents is forbidden. Once you're finished, you tell only members of our group where to find it or how to see it. The winners will be awarded five hundred Galleons."
That upped the level of jubilation already. Blaise and Millicent were less enthused, mainly because that amount was practically nothing to them. The pair were more concerned about what kind of artwork they were going to do, how they were going to do it – the spray paint wasn't exactly low-key – and where they were going to do it.
Once the meeting had ended, the Zabini heir huffed dramatically as they set off for the Slytherin dungeons. "I don't know about you, Millie, but for once I am completely stumped. I have no idea what we could paint, let alone how we're going to be able to pull it off."
"We could pick the Serpentine Corridor, since no one ever goes there," Millicent suggested as they descended the stairs to the fourth floor and then the third floor.
"Yes, but I also don't want our audience to be too scared shitless to dare to enter it," Blaise pointed out as they set down a third floor corridor because they were too busy focusing on their dilemma. "I also don't want to pick another abandoned classroom; it's too easy and too boring. It's also exposed; I don't fancy getting busted by Peeves."
"On that we are agreed," Millicent exhaled sharply. "Shall we see if we can find a map or something of Hogwarts and use that to find a good place to paint?"
"I don't know. Even if we find a decent spot, it could easily be taken and besides, I was thinking we could do the artwork that is hidden in plain sight option," Blaise responded with a small smile.
"I would like to do that one too, but we would need paint that doesn't stand out at all and we don't have that," Millicent pointed out, "and frankly, I wouldn't know where we could get some."
"I do."
Blaise and Millie practically jumped out of their skin for a moment and whirled around to see Luna Lovegood, who had been reading in a hidden alcove just behind them. Millicent's lips curled into a sneer. "Looney Lovegood. Have you nothing better to do than eavesdrop on other people's conversations?"
The strange, dotty Ravenclaw simply smiled serenely in reply. "It is not my fault that you're incapable of keeping your voices down. Ironic, for two Slytherins. But, no matter – do you want a solution to your problem or not?"
Blaise narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "What do you want in return, Lovegood? Because there is no way you are doing this out of the goodness of your heart."
"What do I want in return?" Luna sang ponderingly. "Good question … I need to think about that. I don't really have an answer to that."
Blaise and Millie exchanged a look but didn't dare say anything else. Luna knocked herself out of her strange train of thought and beamed at them. "What you two need is a little help from Miss Fotheringhay."
Millicent blinked a few times. "Sorry, come again? Who is Miss Fotheringhay?"
"No one, but she does have some very useful paints. But you will need some special glasses to be able to see what you are doing with them," Luna grinned. "I think that the Dark Tower could do with a make-over, don't you? It's so sombre. I also happen to know that the Art class has a catalogue to make orders for new paints and that they will be sent off tomorrow."
The two Slytherins once more exchanged a look before heading in the complete opposite direction. Luna watched them with a look of clear amusement and she reached into her pocket, fishing out the mobile inside.
"The Amphisbaena has been unleashed," she stated.
"Well done, Luna," Harry answered on the other end of the line, clearly smirking. "Keep an eye on them. We can't have their fun disrupted by Prefects, caretakers or teachers with no sense of fun."
Luna smirked at hearing that. "No, indeed, General. By the way, we will need to think of a good prank for Mr. Moody later."
"Mad-Eye?" Harry sounded intrigued. "What did you See this time?"
Luna giggled musically. "You will have to wait and see. All I will say is that Mr. Voldemort's snakes are much cleverer than most people give them credit for."
Harry laughed heartily at that. "Thanks Luna. We will speak later."
The line went dead, and the young Ravenclaw decided to get some more study time in the library; hopefully this time she would avoid any Nargles.
##########################################################################
Jehoshaphat hated evening deliveries even more than morning deliveries; the evenings were his moment to escape from having to help his fellow owls with the silly falcon chicks and to actually have a moment to sit in his nest and brood. However, that particular evening he had been called down by two of his Wizard's friends. He knew who they were; Antonin and Thorfinn, both with funny accents to their English. They were both carrying three letters and cardboard boxes into the Malfoy owlery, and looking very pleased with themselves.
Macnair's owl had hoped that the two would ask Pallas, Lilith, Heloise or Hermes to deliver their mail, but no – the two Dark wizards had asked him specifically to come down and make the delivery. Jehoshaphat was very tempted to peck their fingers as they tied the boxes and letters to his legs; the Potter boy had better not ignore him again, because the owl was in no mood to deal with obstinate young wizards!
"You know the target," was what Antonin told the malevolent bird with a smirk.
"Be careful on the way; we don't need the boxes to be set off prematurely," Thorfinn added.
Jehoshaphat blanched. Set off?!
The owl was tempted to hoot in indignation but decided to leave his irritation for the boy; he was the reason Jehoshaphat was being made to leave his nice warm nest. Without further ado, he took the skies.
Meanwhile, the Boy-Who-Had-No-Idea-That-He-Was-About-To-Receive-An-Evening-Prank was heading to dinner with his friends, all of whom were laughing at the fact Snape could no longer take unnecessary points from Harry in Defence since Harry did even better in the class than Hermione and the fact that Slughorn had let a prank Harry did on him slide because of pineapple sweets Harry had given the man.
Hermione, of course, had been indignant that the Boy-Who-Was-About-To-Get-A-Double-Whammy effectively bribed a teacher, as well as managed to outdo her in yet another class – not that she would admit to it!
"One of these days, you are going to do something that will end with you getting suspended!" Hermione fumed on the way to the Great Hall.
"Oh please! That would mean unleashing Harry back into the Muggle world," Justin, who joined them in entrance hall, reminded her. "That means they likely have very little means of monitoring him. The teachers are not going to risk that any time soon!"
"Justin has a point there," Ginny agreed readily.
"Besides, Harry would just give the Death Munchers his location because he feels like a challenge," Seamus chuckled. "Fenrir and his pack would likely be taking dumps in the eejit's garden and Harry would only find it amusing."
"Yes, Harry would," the Boy-Who-Was-Trying-To-Find-Out-What-Draco-Malfoy-Was-Up-To replied easily with a smirk.
"So, do we know how if … the Death Munchers are planning a counter attack?" Neville asked curiously as the group split up to take their seats at their House tables; Justin and Luna sat as close to the Gryffindor table as they could.
"Well, I have been trying to get a clue from Voldie's head but considering the fact he is trying to keep me out, we can assume the answer is yes," Harry grinned maliciously. "I can't wait to see who pranks me next!"
"I will put my money on Fenrir. That werewolf has been dying to get you back," Dean smirked.
Ron snorted. "Please! He will not be sending an owl; he will find a way to try and chew up Harry's shoes as revenge."
"I wouldn't say that too loudly; the Slytherins are looking way too happy for my liking," Ginny commented, looking over her shoulder at the Snakes, who were all keeping a very close eye on the Gryffindor table.
As though they were expecting something to happen.
Hermione sniffed. "I think Harry should concern himself with doing his homework and studying in preparation for our N.E.W.T.s next year instead of digging himself even more into an early grave."
"I don't think you've noticed, but he's doing both," Ron smirked. "His marks in Defence, Potions and Charms were higher than yours, Hermione."
The Saltiest Witch of Her Year scowled at her friend for that comment.
"Also, you haven't got a leg to stand on, Hermione. You've been putting 'presents' around the Tower again for house elves to find," Ginny shook her head in disbelief. "Did last year tell you nothing about how house elves feel about their work?"
"They are slaves," Hermione insisted. "They should be free to choose-"
"They are!" Neville, Ron and Ginny wailed in unison.
"They choose to work for Hogwarts or they wouldn't be here," Ron huffed for the millionth time. "How many times do we have to say it to drum it into your head?! As we have seen over the past few weeks, you are not always right!"
Hermione spluttered in indignation. Before she could make a retort, Nigel cried out, "Harry! That grumpy evil owl is back and he's carrying a ton of stuff!"
Eyes immediately turned to the ceiling. Indeed, the school watched as Jehoshaphat descended and flew along the Gryffindor table, scowling as he flew in Harry's direction. The owl screeched in irritation as it set down the boxes in front of Harry's barely filled plate and flapped its wings.
Harry lit up when he also saw three letters.
"HOOT!"
Harry huffed. "Yeah, yeah, I am untying them. Calm down."
Jehoshaphat pecked his fingers for that comment. Harry cursed in Parseltongue under his breath as he continued to untie the letters and boxes from the menacing creature's talons. One of the letters was in Macnair's hand, and the other two he didn't recognise the hand of.
"Why am I getting a sense of déjà vu?" Ron chuckled, carefully poking one of the boxes with his wand.
"I think someone is getting a definite taste of his own medicine!" Seamus laughed.
"Harry, open them!" Justin encouraged from behind them at the Hufflepuff table. "It's better to get this over and done with."
Harry smirked to himself, drew his wand and with a Cutting Charm opened the cardboard box on the left. No sooner had he opened the flaps of the box, and the box erupted with glittering snowflakes, sparkling dragons and other magical creatures, spraying the entire Gryffindor table under blue, white, red, orange, yellow, white and pink glitter. While there were cries of surprise, indignation and amusement from the Lions, the rest of the Hall erupted into laughter. Even most of the teachers could not keep their countenances; Professor Flitwick very nearly toppled off his chair, splitting his sides.
Professor McGonagall, however, was one of the only ones not amused. The Head of Gryffindor had gotten up from her chair and had marched towards the table as she saw Harry turn his attention onto the next box.
"Mr. Potter, you will not – you will not – open that box-"
There went the tape and open went the box: black glitter confetti exploded into the air, followed by green and silver, further coating the Gryffindors and their food. Jehoshaphat was screeching like a maniac; he too was covered from head to talon in more glitter! The Gryffindors watched as the green and silver confetti fell in such a way that they made a giant Dark Mark in the black background.
Now, most people had tried not to laugh again, because unfortunately, McGonagall had been close enough to the Gryffindor table to also be covered from top to toe in black, green and silver glitter confetti. Many gulped quite audibly, especially when they saw Minerva McGonagall's eyes turn very feline for a moment.
Not even Jehoshaphat dared to make a squeak.
"Sorry, professor," Harry managed to say with a straight face. "I shall write to whoever sent this that they put in too much confetti."
CLICK! FLASH!
Colin looked up from his camera with a beaming smile. "This is so going into the school papers!" he stated happily as he took several more photos of the confetti, especially the confetti Dark Mark. "This is so cool!"
"It is certainly not 'cool', Mr. Creevey!" McGonagall thundered. "You will cease making photographs this instant or it will be two weeks detention with Mr. Filch for you!"
Colin blinked for a moment before an evil smirk spread on his face and he pointed the camera directly at his Head of House.
CLICK! FLASH!
Harry snorted with laughter, as did the other members of the Council of Pranks before they could stop themselves. Hermione glared daggers at them. McGonagall looked set to explode.
"MR. CREEVEY!"
"LEG IT!" Harry shouted, gathering the boxes and the letters. "Ginny, take Jehoshaphat!"
Ginny did as she was told. The whole Hall watched in pure shock and delight as these suicidal kids tried to out run the Cat Animagus, who was rooted to the spot in apoplectic shock, with Jehoshaphat's vexed hooting being one of the last things they heard. "HOOT! HOOT, HOOOT, HOOOOOOOOT!"
Harry and his Council of Pranks charged straight for the safety of Gryffindor Tower, ignoring the Fat Lady's protests that a Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were being let into the Tower. Jehoshaphat was still cussing and screeching as the kids collapsed, laughing and breathing heavily.
"We are dead," Ron commented. "We are so dead!"
"You blithering idiots," Hermione seethed.
"You came along; you're just as dead as the rest of us," Ginny pointed out as she plonked Jehoshaphat onto the floor.
"The photos will make this all worth it!" Colin added. He turned to Harry. "You can even send a few to the Death Munchers if you want, General."
Harry smirked. "That sounds like a very good idea, Colin."
"So," Ginny shook a few errant confetti flakes from her hair, "is there anything else in those boxes?"
The Boy-Who-Knew-He-Was-Likely-Going-To-Get-Twenty-Detentions-From-McGonagall lit up and peered into the left box. "Oh yeah! There is. Now, let's see how we can carefully lift this out …"
In box one, Harry had gotten a very elegant looking black tea set. It looked deceptively ordinary, which made Lord Black smirk to himself. He was going to enjoy trying to figure out what it did. Hermione already looked set to burst his bubble, but she held her tongue for once.
In box two, the Boy-Who-Was-Expecting-Something-To-Hex-Him-At-Any-Given-Moment lifted out this metallic bird in the shape of a raven. Harry and his friends frowned at it, all completely flummoxed as it what it could be.
Luna started giggling. "Maybe we should wake him up?"
Dennis was the one who plucked up the courage to try first. The youngest Creevey gently poked the strange robotic-looking creature in the side a few times before the eyes of the creature suddenly opened and it began to squawk indignantly. "CAW! YOU HAVE THREE ESSAYS STILL UNFINISHED, LAZY BOY, CAW!"
"Merlin's beard!" Ron gaped. "It's an evil automaton!"
"Automaton?" Dean repeated with a frown.
"It's a kind of magical robot," Ron replied, slightly happy he had been paying attention to some of the Muggle stuff that Harry and his Council of Pranks had been talking about. "They are enchanted to do a job and only that job-"
"CAW! GO TO BED – YOU HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW! GO TO BED! CAW!"
Jehoshaphat hooted with satisfaction as the automaton raven began pecking Harry's head and ears, the boy cursing as it did so.
Dean laughed. "I think this one has been programmed to keep a tight eye on Harry's schedule."
"Or programmed to embarrass him," Neville pointed out, eyes dancing with amusement.
"Either way, it's actually really well done," Justin smirked.
Harry batted his automaton bird away as he reached for one of the letters that wasn't by Macnair. He broke the seal on the back, unfolded the letter and began to read.
Potter,
I have been waiting a while for the opportunity to get my own back, despite the fact I found most of your tricks and your gift to me rather entertaining. If everything went according to plan, hopefully you and the rest of your precious Lions are covered in confetti – what you did with Corban's gift was inspiring, though I hate to admit it. So inspiring, in fact, that my friend Thorfinn and I decided to have a little competition: who could make the most creative confetti bomb box. Naturally, I think mine is the best – it's the one with snowflakes and dragons, if you are confused.
I hope you enjoy tea – because my gift is going to make you hate it!
Hoping you have nightmares,
Antonin Dolohov
P.S. I will never forgive you for sending that etch-a-thingy to Mr. Mupples. He was already creepy enough as it is without the damn thing! Teddy Ruxpin is worse – today he asked Fenrir, "have you done anything naughty lately? I think you must have. You're always up to no good." Can you send something over to make him less creepy?
"Ah, the tea set is from Dolohov," Harry announced with a smile.
"Really?" Ron eyed the porcelain with a distasteful but still curious expression. "I wonder what the bastard has done to it."
"Well, whatever it is, it's supposed to make me hate tea," Harry replied with a tone of amusement as he handed the letter to Justin and proceeded to break the seal on the second letter from who he now guessed was Thorfinn Rowle.
To the Giant Pain in the Arse,
Recovered from the confetti bombs yet? Which one was set off first, mine or Antonin's? Please say Antonin; he hasn't done anything too creative with his! I don't know if you read his letter first or not but he and I had a little competition to see who could make the most creative glitter confetti bomb box. I think you and I can agree that mine was clearly the better one. Have you gotten into a detention because of it? Please say yes and that you have to clean the Gryffindor table up!
Anyway, since you seem to have an issue with keeping to any kind of schedule properly and have been known for not paying attention in certain lessons, I decided to try and offer some … help with that. Don't worry, he doesn't bite or peck unless you disobey or don't act fast enough. Beats a talking tea set, right?
Thorfinn Rowle
P.S. Can you ask Bella and Rodolphus to stop fighting about Mr. Mupples? It is driving us all mad! We are lucky our Lord has been reading Basti's books on self-help or we would have had more Cruciatuses and Boglins thrown at us.
Harry snorted. "It seems Dolohov and Rowle were competing with each other … interesting."
"Well, I rather think Rowle won that because his confetti made a pattern," Colin offered.
"I hate to say it, but Dolohov's was cool," Ron admitted begrudgingly.
"I liked the creatures one too," Ginny did not look happy to confess.
"Rowle's was predictable but I think involved a little more skill," Justin added.
"I think based on the prank, I think Rowle has already earned points," Neville contributed. "I mean, the automaton worked immediately. The tea set likely needs to be used in order to work."
"Yeah, that's true," Seamus grinned, "though I do like that it looks innocent enough."
"If I had to choose," Hermione huffed, feeling slightly left out of the conversation, "I would hand victory to Rowle, simply because his box and prank both have skill, creativity, imagination and efficiency."
"I am sure Dolohov's has that too, it just looks a little boring," Dennis answered.
Harry considered the arguments for a moment in silence. "I think I will sleep on it," he decided.
"CAW! BED! DO NOT FORGET TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH!"
"Yeah, yeah, one more letter!" Harry huffed, glaring at the mechanical bird. "Good grief. Not even Hedwig and Hermione are this bad!"
The Boy-Who-Now-Had-A-Mechanical-Nanny-Bird-To-Deal-With quickly broke the seal on Macnair's letter and unfolded it.
Potter,
You will never guess what! I know exactly who Thalia and Nagini are trying to set up. His name is Tom and all we know for certain is that he is definitely one of us, just not a werewolf. Do you know a Tom by any chance who is on our side? Never mind – we will find him. Anyway, I hope you keep your end of the bargain.
The target I pick is Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody.
Walden Macnair
The evil villainous cackle was back and the kids swore that they could hear thunder rolling around outside in the far off distance.
Uh-oh.
"It's from Macnair, isn't it?" Ginny guessed with a slight smirk. "He knows who those snakes are trying to set up?"
Harry wordlessly handed the letter to Ron, who scanned through the letter; very soon the youngest Weasley boy was also cackling away. "Moody! Knew it! The target from the Order is Moody."
Hermione blanched. "How … you will never pull it off! Moody's magical eye will see what is going on before the prank can even work."
"Exactly," Harry smirked. "A challenge, for which we will ask Dud and the others to give an idea, without telling them that we have to deal with a man who has a magical eye."
"Don't you have enough targets?" Hermione huffed.
"Granger, he did make a deal," Justin pointed out. "It is only fair to keep to it."
"We don't have to send anything in boxes either," Dean added with a grin. "We could just send a crap ton of flowers or something. Or something that is criminally adorable that will make steam come out of his ears."
"Dean, I think you've been plotting too many pranks, mate," Seamus grinned at him. "You're already throwing out ideas!"
"They're pretty good ones too," Ginny smiled smally.
"BED! BED! CAW!"
On that note, the teenagers got to their feet; Seamus put the cursed tea set to one side on a nearby desk and conjured some tea leaves for tomorrow in the hope someone would try it out. Ginny had gathered an indignant Jehoshaphat as she said, "sorry, but I don't think we will be sending you back tonight. You will have to stay here this evening."
"HOOT?! HOOT, HOOT!"
"Now, now. You'll survive."
Jehoshaphat hooted in disbelief but very quickly learned that there was no arguing with Ginny. The bad tempered owl was forced to sleep next to her Pygmy puff and spent the entire night glaring at Ginny's very concerned dormmates as they got ready for bed.
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"She actually took you shopping?!"
"Yep!"
"I swear, Potter, I still can't believe that someone still hasn't had a heart attack with what you have been doing. Are you seriously telling me your principle is doing jackshit?"
"That's exactly what he's doing."
The following evening, Harry and the Council of Pranks were on the phone to Dudley and Piers; the boys were apparently at Piers' house and Mrs. Polkiss was fortunately out of the house doing groceries for dinner so Harry and his friends could tell them everything that had been happening over the last days. Seamus, Dean and Ron had happily informed the two Muggle boys about how that morning several young Gryffindors had made a morning cup of tea using Harry's cursed tea set from Dolohov and regretted it almost instantly.
Each tea cup had started to complain and criticise every single choice of tea the children made.
"Early Grey? And you are not putting milk or sugar in it?! Are you really that bitter as a person?"
"Chai tea?! Why do you hate me? What wrong have I done you?"
"I swear if that is Darjeeling I will find a way to smash myself into pieces onto the floor."
"Irish breakfast tea? I am an English tea cup! Ewwwwww!"
"No, no, no, not mint tea! I don't want a plant touching my insides!"
"WHY ARE YOU PUTTING THE MILK IN FIRST?!"
As one can imagine, McGonagall and Dumbledore had to deal with some disgruntled Gryffindors who complained that the new "dorm tea set" was continuously spewing venomous insults about their choice of tea … until Dumbledore jogged their memory that Harry Potter had received two pranks the day before.
When Dudley and Piers heard this, both had to take a minute or two to recover; apparently Dudley had managed to convince his best friend that the tea set had some kind of mechanical voice inside of it.
"Jesus, that's brilliant!" Piers commented once he recovered. "So, Potter, that begs the question, who has won?"
"CAW! YOU STILL HAVE TWO UNFINISHED ESSAYS, THREE PIECES OF HOMEWORK AND YOU HAVE A DETENTION IN TWO DAYS! CAW!"
"I still say Rowle," Luna commented whimsically.
"Dolohov's tea set is amazing, but I am afraid I am going to have to agree that Rowle had the most imaginative and creative package," Harry decided with a smirk. "So, Rowle gets pranked this time!"
"Good, because I don't think we had him yet," Dudley chuckled.
"What's this guy's actual name?" Piers asked curiously.
"Thorfinn," Neville informed readily.
Piers, once more, snorted with laughter. "Thorfinn … Christ, his parents must have hated him from the moment he left the womb! I mean, the jokes you can make with that name!"
"OK, I actually had an idea for Mr. Thorfinn," Dudley continued, clearly grinning on the other end of the line, judging from his jovial tone. "Right, a bunch of our mates recently brought these new T-shirts. They are supposed to be like mood rings – they're supposed to change colour to reflect whether someone is happy, angry, depressed; that kind of thing." He then shorted. "But we recently found out that … it doesn't do that."
"It highlights whether you've been sweating or not and emphasises girls' tits!" Piers contributed gleefully, still trying not to die from excess laughter.
The Council of Pranks lit up.
"Ooooo I like the sound of that!" Seamus chuckled.
"Urgh, how vulgar," Hermione commented.
Seamus flushed with embarrassment. "Hermione, it's not about the – never mind!"
"OK, so the embarrassing T-shirts are in," Harry decided happily. "Next target if you please!"
"I think we need to really push Fenrir's buttons," Justin responded, sounding very gleeful. "Have we accused him of having fleas and ticks yet because I was in Potions today and it just hit me – flea and tick shampoo for dogs!"
"Justin, please continue mulling away in class, my friend," Harry cackled evilly. "I love it. Are we all in agreement?"
"YES!" came a loud chorus.
"No," came the quiet-in-comparison answer from one Hermione Granger.
"OK, so the flea and tick shampoo is in!" Dudley laughed. "Any more targets?"
"I don't like this," Hermione huffed.
"I was just thinking that we have left a few others out," Ginny replied. "We haven't had Mulciber, Avery One and Two, Yaxley, Jugson, Travers – I think there was also one called Gibbons but I am not sure."
"I haven't seen Gibbons or heard anyone be called that," Harry frowned. "I don't think he's there with them. Or he's dead – or fainted?"
"Mulciber," Neville repeated with a dark look. "I heard about him from my gran. He was one of the original Death Munchers. He used to be the Ron to You-Know-Who's Harry, to put it simply."
Harry smirked. "Sounds like he could be a lot of fun. What should we send him?"
"Oooo I know!" Dennis piped up. "We will send them Mug- erm … I mean, normal magic sets! I am willing to bet it will drive Mulciber up the wall."
"Yes!" Justin, Dean, Seamus and Ron cheered.
"That could definitely work," Hermione was forced to agree.
"We should also send a bunny," Ginny added with a laugh. "Just to add that little extra salt."
"A bunny with Fenrir around? I don't think that's a good idea, Gin," Dean replied with a slight laugh.
"Was just a thought," Ginny answered a little coolly.
"OK, magic kits for the guy named Mulciber," Dudley agreed. "Final target?"
"Wormtail," Ron contributed immediately, eyes gleaming with a menace. "Send him the most Merlin-awful, smelly cheeses you can find, Dudley. It could make the guy faint again and stink up Malfoy's home – kill two birds with one stone!"
"Erm, no, make two Death Munchers faint with one prank!" Colin laughed, causing the rest to follow.
"Now then – what do we send Moody?" Harry asked. "I must say I did really like the flower idea because I rather like the idea of bouquet after bouquet being filed into his office or his apartment and everyone just being really confused."
"Or we could do something similar to a glitter bomb, just with music," Piers suggested. "I mean, we can do the flowers or a gift box but we can still hide something in it."
"Yeah but the thing is … this guy he's … really observant," Ron responded as carefully as he could. "It is almost as though he can look through walls, that kind of thing."
"I get it," Piers reassured easily; the wizards quietly let out a sigh of relief. "Trust me, he won't be able to see it until it is probably too late. Just leave it to me and Gordon; a bunch of us are hanging out tomorrow. We will do it then."
"Thanks, Piers," Harry smirked.
"No problem, Potter! You buying another cake when you're back?"
"Sure," Harry rolled his eyes.
"Right! We will get onto that then. By the way, cousin, the next time Hedwig needs to bring something, tell her to go to Piers' place. I nearly did not manage to hide her from Mum and Dad last time," Dudley informed.
"Sure thing, Dud. I'll tell her," Harry answered with a grin.
"You sure the owl will get it?" Piers wanted to know.
"Hedwig is super smart," Harry reassured. "Night, boys!"
"Night, cousin!"
"Night, Potter!"
As soon as the Muggles hung up, the wizards started laughing with glee.
"This should be good!" Seamus was practically bouncing on his bed with excitement.
"I cannot wait to see the look on Lucius Malfoy's face when those cheeses arrive," Dean's eyes shone with a menacing glint.
"I hope the little wolves start showing Muggle magic tricks to those uppity Dark wizards," Colin laughed.
"It should be quite the sight!" Justin agreed.
"I still think that we are pushing our luck," Hermione could not help comment. "One of these days they will find a way to get to Harry and they will likely kidnap him and make him suffer for what he has been doing-"
"Hermione, stop!" everyone was surprised to hear it was Luna who had the dulcet tones. "Have you not noticed how things have changed already? There has not been a single Muggle disappearance since June. Every Muggle sent to Malfoy Manor has come back alive and unharmed. You-Know-Who is staying indoors because of a rainbow wig on his head, Lord Malfoy is turning into a drunk, Fenrir is losing control of his pack, Bellatrix Lestrange is more coherent than ever, Rabastan Lestrange is taking to Muggle technology, Augustus Rookwood is studying Muggle culture – whatever Harry has been doing, it's doing something right!"
There was a stunned silence for a moment. It seems that no one had considered that for a moment.
"But … things can go wrong," came Hermione's rather feeble reply.
"A lot of things in life go wrong!" Luna pointed out. "I should know. I saw first-hand how badly wrong it can go. If you keep living in fear of what can go wrong before it has; that is not living at all, Hermione."
"She's right," Justin readily agreed. "Granger, we could use you for the Council. You had no issue fighting Umbridge with the DA last year – well, we are taking it to the big guys without having to lift a wand! Think about it; Luna's right. They're retaliating with fun pranks, not curses!"
There was still silence from Hermione's end.
"I … I will think about it … I am going to bed."
The Brightest But Fastidious Witch of Her Year hung up.
"Well," Seamus commented, his voice sounding way too loud for the silence. "That was unexpected."
"I think she is on to something. It is bedtime," Ginny agreed. "I would rather that Harry not get cawed at by his nanny."
"Stop calling him that!" Harry huffed.
"BED! DO NOT FORGET TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH!"
"You certain, Harry?" Justin teased. "Night!"
He hung up, soon followed by Luna, Ginny, Colin and Dennis. Ron, Seamus, Dean and Neville also settled quickly down for the night; the Boy-Who-Knew-A-Certain-Slytherin-Was-Up-To-Something could not. He fortunately put his raven automaton off the scent enough to secretly open the Marauder's Map and watch the name bubble of Draco Malfoy head straight towards the seventh floor, and for the Room of Hidden Things with a frown.
Harry also saw Blaise Zabini and Millicent Bulstrode's names head towards the Dark Tower with a wide smile on his face.
This was going to be good!
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It seems Rowle is the victor of the BattleBox! How will Antonin Dolohov take it? Will it spur him on to try again? Will others start making their own ideas, to not be shown up? Will Wormtail and Lucius faint because of the cheese? Stay tuned to find out!
You guys are wonderfully diabolical! I want to thank the reviewer named lynneas73 for their wonderful idea for Blaise and Millie's little art war on the staff and their hypercolour T-shirt idea. I want to thank darthjohn for their suggestion for the magical version of the glitter bomb that Dolohov and Rowle did. I have an anonymous guest to thank for the latest argument between Bella and Dolph and the Muggle magic kit idea. I can't seem to find the reviewer who suggested the cheese to Wormtail but I really want to thank you for that!
I hope you all continue to like this story and be as wonderfully evil. I will see you in the next moment of madness.
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