Yaxley and Merula Assist Tonks In Taking Down Mundungus and New Links Are Established
"I have finished the first draft! I kept within the word count too! It is only two hundred words off!" Mikah exclaimed as he practically came skipping into the dining hall of Malfoy Manor that morning for breakfast.
The werewolf was so happy with his accomplishment that he ignored the smoke machine going off and Be Prepared! going off as he entered the room, causing a few people to jump at how sudden the smoke went off and the song started playing. The young ones had ensured that any werewolf entering certain rooms got Scar's theme tune, much to the envy of Rabastan, who had hoped that the young wolves would give him that song. Mikah also ignored the glares from the Death Eaters who had not had enough coffee in their systems at that moment, handing a copy of his draft over to Fenrir, who immediately cleared his throat to read.
THE HIGH INQUISITION AT HOGWARTS: A TALE OF SCANDAL AND MISCONDUCT
The term 'Inquisition' is a notorious one in history, one that conjures up images of Muggles and wizards alike, dragging one another out of houses in order to torture a confession out of someone suspected of being a heretic. Whether this image was conjured in the mind of one Dolores Jane Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the then Minister for Magic Cornelius Fudge, is a question we have to ask ourselves given the story that is about to be told.
It is common knowledge that Madam Umbridge was appointed as Defence Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts, then High Inquisitor and then as Headmistress, despite the discontent reportedly shown not only by students and staff, but also Hogwarts herself. However, what is less commonly known, is her conduct to the young people in her care.
It has been reported, and seemingly backed up by photographic evidence, as seen in pictures provided, that Madam Umbridge decided an apt punishment for students age eleven to seventeen that they should be forced to write lines extensively using a Blood Quill. The accusation, one would think, is shocking enough but as shown in the exhibits, to see the evidence for oneself is beyond anything one can imagine. From Harry Potter to Susan Bones to young first years, the hands of students still bear the scars from their detentions. If that is not concerning enough, it would appear that Madam Umbridge herself has made full confession to her crimes, as seen in this letter below.
The questions we have to pose for yourselves are, how could this have been allowed? Did the former Minister's office know, thus were they complicate? Was Madam Umbridge sent because they knew she would try and scar students into submission? Why were some students spared and others were not?
The Inquisition were given powers by kings, queens and popes to bring misery onto innocents. The High Inquisitor was given power by the Ministry in order to torture our young folk. Both abused their power, and yet only one can now be brought to justice.
Written by: M.D. Silverfang
"Ooooo, M.D. Silverfang! That is a good writer name, Mikah!" Izzy praised immediately.
*It certainly has a bite to it!* Thalia complimented.
*There is a lot of venom there too,* Nagini agreed.
"I think the name makes you sound like a shitty rapper," Beynon commented, for which he got a whack around the head from Holland.
"I think it's one of your best so far," Reed added with a grin.
"It certainly packs a punch," Rabastan remarked. "Mentioning the Boy-Who-Continues-To-Keep-Us-On-Our-Toes and Madam Bones' daughter is a stroke of PR genius. Because if it is anything that is going to get the Light to react, it is those two names."
"The photos are going to make a lot of people quite murderous though!" Walden pointed out with glee.
"Well, it is definitely worthy to send to Lovegood already. Bet he will insist on one or two additions and subtractions, though," Balthazar warned.
"I am prepared for that," Mikah reassured.
"Yes, Mr. Mupples, the article is quite gripping!" Bellatrix giggled. " I have no idea, Mr. Mupples. Shall we ask? My Lord, what do you think?"
Though she had earned three Boglins for losing Mundungus Fletcher and the locket that had belonged to Regulus Black, Bellatrix happily turned to the Dark Lord, as did everyone else, to gauge his reaction.
Voldemort, who had been brooding in his seat and plotting the demise of the Order thief who had dared to set foot in a house that didn't belong to him and swipe items off a living Lord – even if said Lord was the Brat – looked up and smirked a little.
"It will ssssuffice for now," he answered silkily. "I certainly have heard worssse."
Thalia almost spat out the water she was drinking out of a bowl. *You really are incapable of just giving a straight compliment, aren't you, Tom?* she accused. *The article has story build up, drama, plenty of colourful writing stuffs but noooo – it only suffices! Had you given that to Walden, Amy or Ralston you would have ended up with a boring report that puts you to sleep or makes you start doodling!*
*I do not doodle on my own accord, Thalia! How many times do I have to say this?* Voldemort retorted in exasperation.
*Well, you should because I hear walker females like a man with substance,* Thalia countered. *They want something more than 'hellos, I am a male walker and I have moneys and other things; please be my mate'. They want a mate who can dance, or sing or cook or who likes snakes and is good with snakes. They do not want someone who is Captain Grumpy-Cloak all the time or gets a Cruci-wat-us Curse thrown at them for sneezing! Drawing might get a potential mate to take an interest.*
*I haven't done that in ages!* Voldemort pointed out. *And I don't like drawing. I can't draw!*
*Yes, you can. You just need more practise,* Nagini did not agree. *Or you could just learn to dance. That is the go-to walker mating ritual anyway.*
Voldemort spluttered. Thalia tittered. *Hey, I think you might be right, Nagini! Walkers only seem to do it when they are trying to impress potential mates.*
*Lydia Roden does it for fun,* Voldemort informed.
*Yeah, but she is a werewolf. That does not count,* Nagini stated primly.
Thalia then lit up and the Dark Lord felt the inclination to conjure a pillow rise once again. *Hey, Nagini, what do you think are a werewolf's favourite dances to dance?*
*No idea, Thalia, tell me!* Nagini answered eagerly.
*The stick dance and the moonwalk!*
*Thalia, that was horrendous!* Voldemort complained.
*Not as horrendous as your inability to just give a compliment! Thalia wishes she had a bigger audience instead of just Lord Grumpy-mort! And dancing is a human mating ritual, and you cannot change Thalia's mind.*
The banana-coloured ball python blew a petulant raspberry for good measure.
While Voldemort was arguing with his snakes about whether or not dancing was an actual human mating ritual or not, the rest of the Death Eaters and werewolves once more had to listen to Bellatrix and Mr. Mupples plot the demise of the Order thief while they all tried to finish their breakfast and concentrate on their own books and games. Rabastan of course was busy making a new line of smoothies.
The relative peace continued for a good ten to fifteen minutes until suddenly Mr. Mupples froze for a moment, and then began to move quite wildly, his etch-a-sketch once more becoming more like incoherent hieroglyphs than anything else.
By now, the Greyback pack had become quite good at predicting what Mr. Mupples was trying to say and they already started putting their hands over their heads.
"Oh boy," came the chorus from the wolves.
"I think we may need to get the helmets," Beynon commented wryly as well.
*I think Rodolphus may be in for another headache,* Nagini stated.
*I think so too,* Thalia agreed. She then started tittering again. *Hey, Nagini, what do you think Morpheus's nickname should be?*
*No idea, Thalia, tell me!*
*The Owl of Doooooooom!*
Voldemort conjured his pillow and promptly began sobbing internally once more. Unfortunately, Thalia had not finished.
*Hey Nagini, what do you call a detective novel that has an owl as detective?*
*Not a clue, Thalia, tell me.*
*A hooooo-done-it.*
Rabastan was the one who opened the window before Mr. Mupples had even finished talking. Sure enough, about twenty seconds later in came Morpheus, who was heading straight in the direction of Voldemort. Rodolphus had immediately put his book over his head, as did many of his colleagues. Jugson and Travers were forced to dodge at the owl hurtled over their heads like an asteroid and eventually skidded to a halt just in front of Voldemort, narrowly missing falling face first into his fruit salad.
"Yay! Rodolphus didn't get hit this time!" Sebastian cheered.
"I still think we all need to get some helmets," Beynon stated.
"I think you may be right, wolf," Jugson admitted begrudgingly. "Bloody bird narrowly missed us!"
Thalia and Nagini had slithered up the table in order to not only check on Morpheus, but to have a closer look at what the owl was bringing their friend. Voldemort sat up and eyed the psychic owl carefully as he untied the magazine – at least that is what Voldemort thought it was – from the bird's legs, completely ignoring the unblinking gazes from everyone in the room, watching him carefully.
Voldemort unfurled it and looked at the front of the magazine to see if he could garner any clues as to why Harry I-Refuse-To-Die Potter deigned to send him a magazine of all things. Indeed, Voldemort half dreaded that it was The Quibbler; Harry would be diabolical enough to subscribe him to that nonsense paper for the fun of it.
But it wasn't The Quibbler at all. None of the pictures on the front, neither the big one nor the small ones, moved at all. They were all of people that Voldemort did not recognise, but he supposed that wasn't too surprising considering what this abomination was.
A Muggle magazine.
A Muggle gossip magazine, by the looks of it!
The Dark Lord wanted to question internally why the Brat would deign to send something like this, but Voldemort knew that whatever answer he could come up with, it was one he was not going to like at all. In fact, the answer as to why – he feared – lay inside this piece of trash.
*What is it, Tom? Ooooo, is it a special magazine for walkers to try and determine good possible mate choices?* Thalia asked eagerly.
*I don't think so,* Voldemort replied curtly.
*Oh. That's a pity,* Thalia drooped a little.
*Thalia, I think if such a thing existed, more walkers would be reading it,* Nagini pointed out.
Just as he moved to open the magazine, suddenly a note dropped from inside the magazine onto the table. Immediately, both snakes slithered a little closer in order to take a look for themselves.
Turn to page 17
That was all it said.
It was in that moment that a sharp sense of foreboding started to make Voldemort's Harry Senses start tingling and he knew that he was not going to like what was on page 17. However there was one very big problem: Voldemort was naturally curious. Hence, there was more than a big part of him that wanted to just have a quick look to see what exactly was on page 17.
No one dared to say anything, but there were a lot of quiet glances and looks being exchanged as Voldemort debated internally with himself. Eventually, though, it seemed that the masochist in the Dark Lord had decided to come out and before he knew what he was doing, Lord Voldemort was opening that accursed Muggle magazine and searching for page 17.
When the Dark Lord got to the page in question, his ruby eyes started to bug right out of their sockets. For the first time in his existence, Lord Voldemort, one of the greatest sorcerers of the 20th century, was utterly and completely speechless.
He was met with photos. Photos of them all – at the Natural History Museum! There was photos of him with Hannah, photos of Bella with Mr. Mupples trying to get Rodolphus to say hello to Dippy – there were even photos of the young wolves dragging Ralston away from the barrier around the bloody diplodocus!
Morgana's ill-sewn petticoats, what the hell?!
Voldemort's eyes were then drawn to the headline.
RALPH FIENNES AND HELENA BONHAM CARTER SPOTTED AMONGST FRIENDS AT NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM.
Well, fuck.
Thalia and Nagini noticed the mixture of shock and anger in his countenance almost immediately.
*What is it now, Tom?* Nagini asked in the same tone as an exhausted mother.
*You look ready to hand out Boglins because someone doesn't tuck their chair in properly,* Thalia added.
Voldemort didn't answer. Against his better judgement, he simply just put the magazine down and pushed it towards his snakes, his Death Eaters and the werewolves starting to get up in order to have a better look as well.
As one probably predicated already, as soon as the snakes saw the headline and the photos, the pair immediately started splitting their scales laughing.
*You see?! This is what happens when you steal Mr. Fiennes' face and voice! Live with the consequence, Tom!* Thalia tittered. *Bella cannot help that she happens to look like this Helena but you actively chose to cause a problem.*
*How was I supposed to know that the man is well-known?* Voldemort growled.
*Oh I don't know? Because Mr. Fiennes has good looks and is a good actor? Walkers like that kind of thing,* Nagini huffed, shaking her head. *Next time, pick a Glamour that is a little more inconspicuous, Tom.*
Balthazar had carefully and cautiously pulled the magazine closer to him and soon everyone was trying to read over his shoulder. The moment that those photos were seen and the headline was read, utter pandemonium ensued.
"You guys are famous! Whooohooo!" the children cheered.
"This is not funny!" Amycus snarled at them.
"Yes, it is!"
"No, it isn't!"
"Shut up, Amy!" Walden, Antonin, Thorfinn and Reed chorused.
Bellatrix was pacing madly. "Mr. Mupples, this is not – no, it is a disaster! How was I supposed to know I look like a filthy Muggle actress? … Yes I know it was pointed out to me earlier. … THEY THINK WHAT?! OH THE FILTH! I WILL PULL THEIR ARMS AND LEGS OUT OF THEIR JOINTS AND THEN MAKE THEM DANCE TO COTTON EYE JOE!"
"Well, we did tell you to put a Glamour on, Bella," Lysander pointed out.
"You're not helping, Sander," Rodolphus growled as Bella turned to glare at the young Avery.
"Well, now we are in the situation that we were spotted and Bella was recognised," Travers could not help but put in.
"We were going to the Muggle world. It should have been fine!" Rodolphus snapped.
"Yes, well, apparently Muggles are sharper than we ever give them credit for," Avior pointed out with a regretful sigh. "The next time Bella should just use her Bianca Glamour again and it should be fine. From now on, we all use a Glamour, just in case."
*Hey Nagini, I think Avior is going to earn himself a new nickname.*
*Oh yes? What is it, Thalia?*
*The Death Reasoner!*
Voldemort counted internally to thirty.
"We should also thank Hekate that the photos aren't of better quality," Rabastan continued as he studied the photos. "Plus, they really didn't capture Mr. Mupples' and Dolph's good sides."
Rodolphus spluttered in indignation while his friends laughed at his expense.
"You're right, Basti!" Antonin chuckled. "Rodolphus' angry mutt must be all over the island by now."
"Shut up," Rodolphus snarled.
"I think we have more things to worry about than that!" Jugson pointed out. "We could have easily been caught-"
"Ralston, stop that thought right there. Potter was not going to send this to the Aurors. He wanted to, no doubt, get a reaction from our Lord and all of us, which we have no doubt now given," Balthazar sighed, "and likely wanted to warn us that it might not be a good idea to leave without a Glamour, or a Glamour that is too recognisable."
"Lesson learned," Alecto sneered.
"This is nuts," Thorfinn commented.
"We should have been more careful," Hannah stated, shaking her head.
"No, you guys were fine," Rabastan reassured. "We're the ones who managed to make a complete mess of things."
*Yeah, it was Tom who should have changed his Glamour and Bella actually worn one,* Thalia agreed primly.
"I don't think we should heed much from this particular paper," Narcissa sniffed. "They are making some very … unsavoury assumptions about 'Ralph' and 'Helena' because of this. Frankly I think an article written by Rita Skeeter is more reliable than this nonsense. I doubt the Ministry will pay it any attention at all."
"Be that as it may, I think it is a good idea that none of us attract attention to ourselves if we are out in the Muggle world anymore," Augustus contributed, shaking his head. "I admit that I had some reservations about going there largely Glamourless-"
"Yes, but you are also a paranoid former Unspeakable, so there is also that," Walden could not help but point out.
"Well, it seems my wariness was not misplaced," Augustus countered with a frown.
Thalia tittered. *Hey Nagini, I just thought of something. I think we might be witnessing the birth of a new game.*
Voldemort once again began to pray internally.
*What kind of game, Thalia?* Nagini wondered.
*Spot The Death Eater In The Muggle World!*
Voldemort groaned once more, hanging his head. Unfortunately, the Fates were not finished with any of them just yet.
"What is it, Mr. Mupples?"
Oh no. Voldemort quickly raised his head again.
Bellatrix was frowning at her plushie, who was once again going ham with its drawings. "Wait, are you sure – another owl – Jehoshaphat is already on his way back and he brings presents?!"
Most of the Death Eaters and werewolves lit up at hearing that. Who was going to be getting an extra prank this time? Of course, Corban, the Carrows, Jugson and Travers were less than enthused while Lucius and Narcissa continued to look dead inside. Voldemort already braced himself for another wave of internal jealousy.
Walden's malevolent owl came flying through the still open window, looking none too happy as usual. Jehoshaphat took a moment to scan the table before flying in Avior's direction. The owl was carrying two packages and a letter. On his right leg was one of the letters, and it was this leg that the evil owl held out to Avery Senior.
"Ooooo it's Avior's turn for a personal letter!" Walden stated with a smirk. "Wonder what Potter could want from Avior."
"Maybe it is a head's up?" Thorfinn wondered out loud.
Avior untied the letter and then promptly put it into the side pockets of his robes, causing more than a few people to start pouting. "Well, you are going to have to mind your own business until I choose to tell you," Avery Senior responded firmly.
"Oh come on! Balthazar read his! I read mine too," Walden pointed out.
"As did I," Antonin added.
"The answer is still no," Avior stated coolly.
Walden and Antonin huffed.
Lysander decided to give it a go to persuade his father. "Please, Papa?"
"No!"
"Oh you three are acting like such children! Compose yourselves!" Corban sighed in exasperation.
Thalia tittered. *I know the title of the book that gets written about those three, Nagini.*
*Oh, what is it?*
*The Three Death Complainers!*
Voldemort was about to put his head back into his pillow when Jehoshaphat hopped over, giving the sleeping Morpheus a very judgemental look, and then holding his leg carrying the two packages and letter out to Voldemort. The Dark Lord's eyes widened, as did the eyes of most people in the room, and everyone braced themselves.
Voldemort decided it was best to see what the Brat had to say this time, and thus opened the letter first.
Hello Mr. Voldemort,
Please don't be too angry about this. This delivery is mainly for Thalia and Nagini. We thought it was time they could communicate with their friends a little better. This was mostly my idea, not Harry's so don't be too angry with him. By the way, if they don't want the amulet to work for a bit, all they need to say to it is "stop translating". For it to start again, say "start translating". It is simple, really.
Luna
The Dark Lord blinked a couple of times at the note in disbelief and then his eyes turned to look at the small packages. What had Team Prank found now that could allow his snakes to communicate better?
*Tom, what is it? Is it a love note?* Nagini asked eagerly. *You look like you're about to faint.*
Jehoshaphat gave her a flabbergasted look for that comment. Voldemort did not answer. He simply set the note to one side and then unwrapped the small packages. To his surprise, he unwrapped two small runic amulets, engraved with a sigil seldom seen, especially in the possession of a Light witch or wizard. The scholar in the Dark Lord was extremely tempted to cast a few revelation spells on it to see what kind of magic was in these amulets but Thalia and Nagini were already flicking their tongues at it curiously.
Against his better judgement, Voldemort started to put the amulets around their necks, much to the surprise of both of his snakes.
*Tom, what are you doing? You're not trying to silence Thalia and Nagini are you?* his ball python demanded.
*Tom, what did the Potter hatchling send?* Nagini wanted to know as well.
*These are not from the Brat,* Voldemort replied in a hiss. *They are from a friend of his.*
Before Thalia or Nagini could inquire further, the runes engraved in the amulet started to glow a mystic yellow colour. Before everyone's eyes the odd symbol suddenly started to change shape into that of a serpent, or something at least close to it. The light was gone as quickly as it came.
*Well, that was odd,* Thalia commented.
Suddenly, there was a multitude of gasps from Death Eaters and werewolves alike. Thalia, Nagini and Voldemort regarded them with a frown. Jehoshaphat's eyes widened.
*What are they staring at?* Thalia wondered.
*No idea,* Nagini answered as more faces began to pale and mouths started to gape further. *Pity we can't ask them.*
"Yes, you can," Rabastan was the one who answered quietly.
Thalia and Nagini jumped a little in surprise.
*Did Rabastan just reply to Nagini?* Nagini wondered in utter disbelief.
"Yes, I did," the Death Eater confirmed.
*Wait a minute … you can understand Thalia and Nagini?* Thalia hissed in shock.
A lot of heads started nodding in affirmation.
*Whoa …* Nagini whispered. *They really do understand, Thalia!*
The young ball python nodded and then realisation started to hit her. If her friends could now understand what she was saying … that meant Thalia now had a wider audience! An audience that could appreciate her jokes!
Thalia lit up in about five seconds flat. But first, she needed to make sure that they could really understand what she was saying. So, with determination, Thalia slithered up to Corban, who was still ashen in the face with shock.
*You know, Thalia has been wanting to say this for a long time, Corban,* the snake began. *Your cloak smells weird! I mean, really, what do you put in that thing? How do you even wash it? Why don't you use the same detergent as Lucius. At least his doesn't smell funny!*
Guffaws and splutters ensued while Corban Yaxley was let utterly stunned at being berated by Thalia. Unfortunately for everyone the snake wasn't finished. Antonin had made the mistake of laughing out loud so the ball python quickly rounded on him.
*And you do not get to laugh, Mr. Antonin Dolohov! Your cloak smells of gin, toffee and biscuits – how in the name of Python do you manage that? Do you sneak food into your cloak or something? You need to wash your cloak with Lucius' detergent almost as much as Corban does,* Thalia informed primly.
Antonin was red with embarrassment while around seventy per cent of the room was dying of laughter. She then looked to Rodolphus, who was already gulping as soon as he noticed her serpentine eyes on him.
*And you, Rodolphus, need to be nicer to Bella. You don't have to like Mr. Mupples; you just need to be civil for her sake,* Thalia stated primly.
Rodolphus flushed. "But-"
*No buts! Ah yes, you can all understand Thalia. Nagini, could you get Thalia's microphone, please?*
Nagini had been more than a few slithers ahead and had already fetched the microphone and was bringing it over to her friend. This made quite a few Death Eaters pale, Bella giggle in anticipation as well as the wolves begin chatting to each other in excitement. Thalia smirked to herself. Oh yes this was going to be fun!
*You know, Thalia has been doing some thinking lately and Thalia came to the conclusion that werewolves might struggle with one of the Unforgivable Curses,* the ball python stated.
The Death Eaters and werewolves exchanged a look before Thorfinn asked, "which one, Thalia?"
"Imperi-awwoooooooo!"
Rabastan and most of the young wolves were dead in seconds. Others, including Walden, Antonin, Lysander, Travers, Hannah and Augustus, snorted involuntarily. The rest had no idea – positively no idea – how to react to what they had just heard. Voldemort once more had his head in his pillow. Jehoshaphat did a facewing and Mr. Mupples put his paws over his face.
Unfortunately, Thalia was determined to make up for lost time and jokes and quickly had another joke lined up.
*What is large, hairy and sounds like a siren?* Thalia asked.
*Not a clue, Thalia!* Nagini answered happily.
*A werewolf rolling down the hill, howling.*
This time, Reed, Mikah and Hannah joined the children and Rabastan in laughing heartily. A few of the wolves and Death Eaters had to fight to keep a straight face but there were still enough in the room – mainly the Carrows, Corban, Jugson, Travers and Lysander – who were still completely deadpan.
Thalia decided to try again. *I don't get the walker fascination with unicorns and this creature called Nessie. They are so easy to find! I know of something that is even rarer and seldom seen.*
"What is it, Thalia?" Walden asked with a grin.
*Amy's sense of humour.*
Yep, that did the trick! Not even Corban, Jugson, Travers and Lysander could keep their countenance at that one. Amycus and Alecto glowered at the ball python but didn't say or do anything just in case it would anger their Lord.
*You know, Thalia thinks it is a very good think Jehoshaphat cannot wear a suit of armour,* Thalia continued.
"Why is that, Thalia?" Beynon grinned.
*Because he then he would be a knight owl.*
There were a few groans of despair as well as raucous laughter. Jehoshaphat scowled a little at the joke but didn't say anything. Unfortunately for him, Thalia had one more owl joke lined up at his expense.
*You know, Walden, Thalia thinks Jehoshaphat will never try to pursue a mate when it is raining,* the ball python stated.
"Is there a reason you think so?" the Executioner smirked.
*Yes, because it is too wet to woo!*
"Hoooooot!" Jehoshaphat grumbled as half the room once more started bursting into peals of laughter, including his own wizard.
*The Dementors at Azkaban one day start to take up cooking lessons. One of them decides to wear an apron that says, 'Kiss the Chef'. No one does it. A new Dementor notices and says, "why are they being so rude?" and the Dementor in question answers, "because they're scared. The new Dementor sniffs and says, "they're just soulless." The other Dementor answers with, "they would be yes."*
That one was mostly a hit with the werewolves, unsurprisingly.
"That one was your worst one yet," Amycus could not help but comment.
*And Thalia knows the reason you will never be able to cast a Patronus, Amy,* the snake sassed back. *It has nothing to do with Dark magic. You are just beyond help.*
"Ouch!" came the chorus as people once more laughed at Amycus' expense.
Amycus glared at Thalia, who simply stuck her tongue out at him.
Before the comedian could continue, Teddy Ruxpin had once more decided to join that party, appearing next to Morpheus, smiling sinisterly as always. Voldemort and Nagini jumped a little in surprise; before either of them could do anything to stop the idiotic bear from once more trying Morpheus' patience, Jehoshaphat whacked Teddy Ruxpin with one of his wings, sending the bear flying across the table.
"HOOOOOOOT!"
"That wasn't very nice. You are not a very nice person."
"HOOOOOOOOOOOT!"
Teddy Ruxpin picked itself up and was set to shuffle back towards Morpheus but Augustus was quicker than the teddy was, snatching him up and holding him in an extremely tight embrace.
"Ow! You are hurting me."
"Sure, I am," Augustus growled as he struggled against the possessed bear as it tried to free itself from the Unspeakable's grasp.
"I hate that bear," Lysander commented.
"How in the name of everything good and magical did it manage to escape from the chains?!" Antonin paled. "I saved those for Dumbledore especially, you ungrateful plushie!"
"HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!"
"We should throw the damn thing into a volcano and be done with it," Alecto sneered, glaring at the bear.
"Somehow I doubt that would even work," Rodolphus growled. "We could try and throw it into the ocean but I also doubt that works."
"Indeed," Voldemort found himself agreeing easily. "Now, I do believe we all have some work that we need to be getting on with-"
"Ah yes, Mr. Mupples, we did promise Ollivander to visit him! Yes, good idea, Mr. Mupples, a few bad movies ought to loosen his tongue a little! Hehehehehehehehehehe!" Bella cackled as she and her plushie made for the door. "Perhaps we get some good ideas for what to do to that filthy thief!"
Thalia sighed. *Never mind Paint It Black, Bella's favourite song is likely Paint It Red!*
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Tonks was by no means a lazy Auror. True, she was very much laid back and rather preferred a social engineering approach to catching Dark wizards rather than just heading blind into a situation – being friends with Weasleys and Asteria Snyde-Hallow did teach her a thing or two about having some kind of plan – but she always caught her man or woman in the end. Tonks had not been Mad Eye Moody's protégée for nothing!
But on this particular occasion, Tonks was positively fanatic in finding her target: Mundungus Fletcher, the good-for-nothing sleazebag who Dumbledore insisted could be more than helpful to the Order's cause and yet only showed everyone the reason why they should think twice about trusting him. After hearing about what Dung had done from multiple different sources, from her Aunt Narcissa to Remus, Tonks had developed a kind of tunnel vision due to her anger and her determination.
Dung had gone too far and Tonks was going to show him the error of his ways. Hopefully her informants would come up with something, and quickly.
Rather uncharacteristically, Tonks had decided to dress in the Grim Reaper outfit that had been part of her disguise prank from Harry, although she decided to forgo the mask since it made her feel too much like a Death Muncher. She did bring the awesome scythe with her though. Unsurprisingly, many of her colleagues believed that Tonks was either ill or depressed because of it. It wasn't for any of those reasons, though – Tonks simply felt that for some reason or the other, she needed a little bit more scare factor in her outfit for the day.
It did work a treat. Dark wizards and criminals alike did not mess around in interrogations with Tonks, captured magical creatures behaved themselves around her and even Dementor guards called from Azkaban seemed to be slightly wary of her. Tonks rather enjoyed it, though could not wait for her lunch hour to arrive.
When Tonks arrived back at her desk after assisting Kingsley with another interrogation of a Dark wizard in possession of several cursed pairs of shoes that enjoyed trying to bite the toes of the wearer off, she found Sphinx sitting in the chair behind her desk, seemingly waiting for her to come back.
Tonks took a sigh of exasperation. "Please tell me that Madam Bones doesn't have yet another job for me? I really need to have my lunch before I turn myself into a raven and brood petulantly in a corner!"
Sphinx smirked a little in amusement. "No new missions, but a continuation of one," the Auror replied. "The one you seek is close to where one would seek any old curiosity."
Tonks caught onto the implication immediately. "Mundungus?" she frowned. "Close to where one would seek any old curiosity … can't you be a little bit more specific for once in your life, Sphinx?"
"One man's window is another's veil," came the reply from her friend.
Tonks huffed. "Never mind. I suppose I should have seen that one coming. Oh well," she exhaled sharply. "I am going to go and get myself a coffee and a doughnut, and will try and untangle your little riddle."
Sphinx did not make a reply, only choosing to give that annoyingly knowing smile of theirs. Tonks huffed and turned to head to the food court to see if some caffeine and sugar would cheer her up. Unfortunately, she didn't even get to the lift before she was joined by Merula.
"You look almost as glum as that time you failed to skip Potions class!" Merula teased. "What gotten your wand in a knot, old friend?"
"I have tracked and arrested Dark wizards who have played with curses, imprisoned people inside paintings and dolls and Necromancers who tried to get the dead to do their dirty work, but all the while I can't find one damn sneak thief!" Tonks answered snappily, steaming coming out of her ears.
"Yes, I have been hearing you have been driving yourself more bonkers than normal," Merula stated simply. "Which is why I came to find you. I have a wife who is happily tucked away in the Ministry archives and the toad is still not permitted to come to work so I find myself with some time to get some lunch in Diagon Alley. What do you say?"
Tonks scoffed. "I have been on Kings' good side lately and I haven't been scolded by Madam Bones yet-"
"Despite the outfit? Tonks, you look like a Death Eater!" Merula laughed.
"Ha-ha-ha," Tonks answered sarcastically.
"Except for the weird scythe thing. Are you trying to outdo Macnair in creepy levels or something?"
"It's part of my outfit!" Tonks pouted.
"OK, then. Well, what do you say? Shall we get some lunch away from this coo-coo place?"
Tonks sighed deeply. "If this gets me into trouble with Kings and Madam Bones, I am offering you up as a sacrifice."
"Fine by me!" Merula stated happily as they stepped into one of the lifts going downstairs.
Tonks chuckled shortly; Merula was always one of the people she could never seem to say no to. It was sometimes fighting against herself, and Tonks found that she was almost always on the losing side in that battle. It was best to just go with the flow.
Even if it meant Tonks was likely to have to listen to Merula's domestic complaints!
However, it seemed that for whatever reason, Tonks was the favourite play thing of the Fates that day because as Merula and Tonks headed for the great fireplaces of the Ministry Floo Network, they were soon halted in their tracks.
"And where are you two off to?" Merula and Tonks stopped and turned to see Yaxley approach, looking like the cat who caught the canary. Yaxley gave Tonks' new look a once over, which – much to her own chagrin – made her flush. "Another new look, Auror Tonks? It is certainly … unique."
"Suits my current mood, Corban," Tonks answered, still red in the face.
"I see," Yaxley frowned.
"Tonks hasn't nabbed her man yet – thief or werewolf," Merula smirked. "I am taking her out to lunch to cheer her up. You're welcome to join us, Yaxley, if you have the lunch time to spare."
"I do," Yaxley's frown had not wavered and continued to look at Tonks. "After a thief, are you? Not usually the target for an Auror."
"It is when he robbed my family and my friend," Tonks answered coolly.
Yaxley's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Mundungus Fletcher? Is he not … an acquaintance of yours?"
"Unfortunately," Tonks replied tartly. "At present, I cannot wait to get my hands on him and turn that sack of hippogriff vomit into something a little bit more useful. Not even Dumbledore can stop me."
Yaxley smirked at that.
"So, lunch?" Merula stated with a knowing smirk of her own.
Yaxley cleared his throat. "I do not see why not."
"Good!" Merula clapped her hands together. "Let's get going!"
Tonks rolled her eyes but followed her friend obediently. Yaxley looked like he was internally berating himself for agreeing, but followed along as well. Neither of them had much to say, so it was probably a good thing Merula did more than enough talking for the three of them combined. She chatted mostly about Asteria's research and her writing blocks but also about the recent stress experienced by Penny, Barnaby and Charlotte, and there was plenty of it. She managed to fill the time until Tom was ready with their steak and kidney pies.
"I mean, Barnaby has had it the easiest of us all. Human Resources didn't have to deal with this Umbridge nonsense like the rest of us. All they had to do was play therapist to a bunch of people close to a nervous breakdown! Asking Barnaby to deal with people's emotions is as good an idea as it was of a Beast Master we knew to train an Acromantula to be an entertainer for the children's ward at St. Mungo's."
"Excuse me?" Yaxley paled.
"Long story that," Merula chuckled. "Let's just say St. Mungo's were running out of humans willing to brave that depressive hell hole to do funny things for children who in some cases were likely to die, so magical creatures had to take over."
"From what I heard, the Acromantula actually did rather well! The children loved its funny dance," Tonks grinned. "I also heard they were rather disappointed when the poor sod who the spider replaced recovered."
"I have no idea what to say," Yaxley admitted.
"Trust me, if you think that is bad, wait until you hear the story about how Penny helped us to kick the butt of Fenrir and his stupid pack," Merula smirked. "That girl is absolutely terrified of werewolves – she survived an attack when she was little, though she was never infected. Fenrir decided to try and attack a bunch of us at Hogwarts. Let's just say, the stupid wolf didn't expect us to be able to put up a fight, especially Penny."
"Socked him right on his nose!" Tonks laughed gleefully. "Bloody good hit!"
"But," Yaxley shook his head in disbelief. "Miss Haywood seems-"
"Docile? Like she wouldn't hurt a fly?" Merula grinned. "Yeah, most of the time she is like that. Give her a reason to, and she can fling you right into the North Sea."
"Right," Yaxley paled.
It was at this point that the table was approached by a young banshee, who kept her hood up. Tonks sat up, recognising her instantly. It was Orla, one of her informants. Instantly, the young banshee launched into a series of signs.
Found the thief.
He is down Knockturn Alley.
Tonks was on her feet instantly. "Show me," she stated, leaving a Galleon for her food behind.
Merula frowned. "Tonks, who-"
"This is Orla, she is one of my informants," Tonks replied simply. "She has found my target."
Merula and Yaxley exchanged a look before they paid for their half-eaten food as well and followed their friend with the young banshee scurrying out in front of them.
"How do you even know what she is saying?" Yaxley wanted to know as they passed down the dark, dingy alley, ignoring the few odd looks they were getting.
"Orla is mute; her parents abandoned her at birth and she ended up with foster ones who couldn't deal with a banshee's scream properly," Tonks answered. "They practically bullied her into silence so she communicates through sign language."
"And you learned it?" Yaxley continued to press.
"I met Orla when I was still in the Auror Academy. I thought I was going to fail the only thing I wanted to actually pass in my life, and she found me feeling sorry for myself on rainy evening after I had tried to drown my sorrows," Tonks explained darkly. "Orla has been helping me with finding targets or gathering information ever since."
Tonks was rather thankful that Yaxley decided to not ask any more questions as they descended more and more into the bowls of Knockturn Alley. She needed to keep her wits about her. Orla continued down the alley until she halted promptly, and then pointed at stall that had been set up outside the Ye Olde Curiosity shop. In front of it, of all people, was Elizabeth Abbott, trying to keep a giant pink toad with a bow on its head in line whilst it berated none other than Mundungus himself.
"You are a filthy – ribbet – half-breed! There is no legal – ribbet – manner in which you could have obtained – ribbet – a legal licence!" the toad was croaking away.
"Geh away from me, ya mad old toad!" Mundungus wailed. He looked to Madam Abbott. "Why are ya lettin' yer pet talk to me like dat?"
"PET?!" Madam Umbridge did not give her companion a chance to answer. "I am the Senior Undersecretary Dolores Jane Umbridge, you – ribbet – miscreant! Show me some – ribbet – respect!"
Mundungus gulped. "Well, in dat case, ma'am, might I interest you in any of my wares?"
"No, I think not," Madam Abbott responded crisply.
"Elizabeth, you do not – ribbet – speak for me!" Umbridge snapped.
"Well, perhaps you should let her, Madam Umbridge," Merula, surprisingly, spoke up and approached the table with her best charming smile on her countenance. "Because this man is known for selling cheap trinkets and sell them off as being priceless commodities."
Mundungus spluttered. "How very dare ya! I only procure the best-"
"Procure? You mean, steal," Yaxley stepped forth, allowing a sneer to form. "I am afraid that this man is wanted, under suspicion of robbing the Most Ancient and Most Noble House of Black."
The thief paled. "Dat is not-"
"Careful, Dung," Tonks gathered enough courage to step forward, her hair a bright red and eyes dancing with an orange hue. "I am not in a good mood, so do not test me."
Mundungus' eyes widened. "Tonks, what the – why in da hell are ya dressed like a Death Muncher?"
"Oh no, sir, I think your eyes may be going," Madam Abbott stated good-naturedly. "I do believe Auror Tonks is dressed as a reaper, which I think is rather fitting for the occasion."
"You stole from nobles, you half-breed piece of – ribbet – pond scum?" the Umbridge toad seethed. "Snyde-Hallow, Yaxley – ribbet – Auror Tonks, do what you – ribbet – must! Elizabeth, let us go and – ribbet – buy some flies – I mean, food!"
Madam Abbott looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her whole, but she started in the direction of Diagon Alley, leaving Mundungus Fletcher at the mercy of an angry Auror with Black blood in her veins and her friends. The thief glared at her.
"Listen, 'ere, Tonks, I 'ave no idea what yer playin' at, but Dumbledore-"
"Will not save you from me," Tonks responded smugly, allowing herself to smirk. "You stole from Harry, who is now Lord Black. That has earned you the vitriol of anyone who is still alive with Black blood, including me. So, I suggest you hand over Regulus Black's locket before I actually arrest you."
"And I will be more than happy to ensure you do time in Azkaban," Merula added happily. "No one steals from a Most Ancient and Most Noble House and gets away with it."
Mundungus paled considerably at hearing that.
Yaxley smirked. "I do hope the Dementors will ensure you are haunted by the image of you being overpowered by Mr. Mupples."
"Oh yeah, you were beaten up by a plushie Death Eater," Merula chuckled. "Momentarily forgot about that detail."
Mundungus was rather pink at this point. Orla actually grinned at this point.
Tonks stalked towards her fellow Order member. "Hand over the locket, Dung, or I will take it back by force."
She unsheathed her wand for good measure. That got the thief to practically break into sweat. "All righ', all righ', keep ya hair on, Tonks!" he gulped and gestured to one of his tin boxes, in the shape of an octagon. "It's in there!"
Merula picked it up, opened it and peered inside. She frowned for a moment and then showed the contents to Tonks and Yaxley. Inside was a locket of ornate quality – gold with a giant S in emeralds. Definitely something a Black would have and it fitted the description provided by Aunt Narcissa and Remus exactly. But something made Tonks pause.
Why did Regulus Black have a locate with an S on it, rather than a B?
Yaxley glared at the thief. "Are you sure this is it? This not a cheap counterfeit you had made?" he demanded.
"No, I swear!" Mundungus exclaimed. "Das de real thing all righ'. Didnay have much time to make a fake or otherwise."
"So, you were planning on making counterfeits?" Merula demanded, eyes blazing.
"Course! Da thing has an interestin' look. Thought I migh' copy it a few times," the thief admitted. "See 'ow many people would buy it."
"You disgust me," Yaxley sneered.
"Why? It's business. If a product is popular," Mundungus shrugged.
"Dung, shut up before I decide to curse you myself," Tonks advised.
"Ah, and here I thought I was maybe getting the honours!"
Merula, Yaxley and Tonks whirled around to see a young witch with dark wavy hair and eyes that changed from all manner of shades of green was standing behind them, wand pointed at Mundungus, eyes flaring. She was mostly dressed in pureblood attire, but she had a killer trench coat on that made Tonks low-key jealous.
When the thief noticed the woman, he immediately started cursing like a sailor and packing as much of his stuff as he could. "Not dis mad witch again!"
"How many times do I need to tell you to stop your black market operations on my land?" the woman demanded. "Perhaps you need to spend some time as tea cosy and get some perspective on things?"
"Nah, nah, you're all righ', mate," Mundungus stammered. "I will be outta yer hair soon!"
The thief was true to his word. As soon as most of his things had been packed, he Disapparated, much to the dismay of Merula, Yaxley and Tonks. The new witch lowered her wand and exhaled in irritation.
"I should get myself a guard Cerberus," she stated.
"Take it you two know each other?" Tonks questioned.
The witch scoffed. "I only know him as the braggard who peddles his illegal wares in front of legitimate businesses, and thus sometimes scaring away good clientele." She regarded Tonks. "How do you know him? You seem better acquainted with him than I am."
"I am forced to put up with him, let's just say," Tonks answered with a deep sigh.
"You have my sympathies then, Miss," the witch informed with a grin.
"Who are you?" Merula demanded, not one for polite chit-chat.
"Did I forget to introduce myself? I do apologise," the witch gave an elegant curtsey. "Alice Ferrars, at your service."
"Ferrars … you have a brother in Gryffindor right?" Tonks pondered out loud.
"Indeed I do! Benjie," Alice confirmed with a grin. "I also run the Ye Olde Curiosity now," she added, gesturing to the shop behind her.
Yaxley looked at her in realisation, practically gaping, which made Tonks regard him curiously. "Wait … did you sell my friends some masks not too long ago?"
"I did!" Alice affirmed with a nod. "Tell me, did your friend's targets like them? They were for a prank, he told me."
"Indeed," Yaxley confirmed. "Unfortunately we … he hasn't heard anything yet."
"Oh, pity," Alice looked more than a little disappointed. She then perked up a little. "Will you tell your friend I said hello if you see him? He never gave me his name."
"I will let him know," Yaxley promised, much to Tonks' surprise. "And his name is Avior."
"OK," Alice smiled and then sighed. "Well, I best get back to work."
"Give the Auror department a call if Dung bothers you again," Tonks informed her. "I will be done as soon as possible."
Alice considered for a moment before nodding. "Thank you. You four have a good day."
Yaxley watched her leave while Merula, Tonks and Orla watched him for a moment. Then, Orla began signing something that made Tonks snort. This made Yaxley frown and turn to her. "What?"
"Orla is right: you know something, and you're not saying what," Tonks replied simply.
Yaxley smirked. "Let's just say that Avior has opened himself up to the courting market again."
Merula caught the implication immediately. "No! Avior Avery is crushing on Alice Ferrars? But the family is Grey!"
"Which is better than Light any day of the week!" Yaxley pointed out.
"The tabloids are going to have a field day if they ever find out," Tonks supplied, shaking her head. Orla grinned broadly.
Merula turned her attention onto the locket. "So, what do you want to do with the locket? Are we sending it back to Lord Black?"
Tonks considered for a moment before she looked to Yaxley, who seemed to be waiting for her answer with bated breath. "I think Corban should take it. He knows who it needs to be taken to."
Yaxley flashed her a covert look that could almost be construed as grateful, which was a win in Tonks' book. Merula shot them both a look and a smirk before she handed the box over to Yaxley.
"Well, this certainly was the most interesting lunch I have had in a while!" she stated brightly. "We should do it again sometime."
"I think we all have enough excitement," Yaxley rolled his eyes.
"Why are you such a party pooper?" Merula huffed.
"He's just grumpy," Tonks grinned.
Yaxley spluttered. "No I am not!"
"Yes you are!"
"I am not!"
"All right. Then this weekend you're coming with me to see Dippy. Yes?"
Yaxley scowled at her. "I hate you."
Tonks smirked. "That's a yes."
###########################################################################
There are many jobs in the Muggle world that could be argued to be the least glamourous but still very much necessary. One of them was being a delivery driver, whether it be for the postal service, or a company for goods. However, sometimes the job could deliver unexpected surprises. Such was the case for the men and women who drove for Amazon, UPS and The Royal Mail.
As one probably had gauged, the people who were tasked to deliver packages to a location in Wiltshire that was so unknown that it was not marked on any map that the drivers had in their vans with them but would appear almost out of nowhere, started to talk about this mysterious house in the English countryside and its inhabitants. Most dismissed the odd folk as simply an eccentric bunch who apparently drink too much on a regular basis to the point where they forget they make purchases.
Either that, or they were bullying each other. That was another popular theory, especially since many of the drivers came back with reports of people getting annoyed that there was a delivery being made in their name.
It just so happened that once again, two Amazon drivers who had made the trip once before – Kevin and Ryan – as well as a UPS driver, Laura, who had heard rumours from her colleagues and a Royal Mail driver, Wendy, who recently had a prank package to deliver herself, were all headed for Wiltshire and eventually joined up to complete the journey. Truth be told, the UPS driver and Wendy were following the Amazon guys because they seemed to know exactly where they needed to go.
Only when the imposing sight of an old Norman manor house came into sight did the four vans stop for a moment and the drivers all rolled their windows down and hang their heads out of the windows.
"I take it you girls are new to Malfoy Manor," Kevin stated jovially as soon as all the windows were done.
"Uh-huh," Laura answered. "I thought most of the guys were trying to make me look a fool – prank the new girl and all that – but it looks like they were being serious."
"Trust me, the house has got nothing on the family and their guests," Ryan answered.
"What are they like?" Wendy wanted to know.
"Fucking weird!" Ryan stated bluntly. "Everyone there dresses in black, like they're preparing for Halloween early. The only ones who are semi normal are the sentries."
"Sentries?!" Laura blanched. "They have guards?!"
"Oh no, no, that's just what we call them because they seem to be on the lookout for us every time," Kevin grinned. "You will see for yourselves soon enough."
"What kind of people are they?" Wendy gulped. "This place gives me some serious Dracula's castle vibes."
"They're just normal young people. Think they must be taking a gap year from university," Kevin replied. "And if Mr. or Mrs. Malfoy are in a bad mood, just continue listing – we need to be in and out as quickly as possible so as to not waste money but also not overstay our welcome."
"They don't like us," Ryan clarified.
"OK," Laura replied, looking quite unsure as to what to say about that.
"You girls ready?" Kevin wanted to know.
"Let's do this," Wendy stated as they all rolled their windows up.
Kevin and Ryan went first, followed by Wendy and then Laura. Sure enough, as they drew closer, both Wendy and Laura spotted three young people – must have been in their late teens, early twenties – up on the wall. Two girls and a boy; they seemed ordinary enough. The boy was dressed in a leather jacket, a band T-shirt, jeans and old sneakers. The girls both wore similar things – T-shirts with funny prints on them, jeans and boots. All three of them wore face splitting grins, as though they had indeed been expecting the four of them.
Kevin and Ryan rolled their windows down again and signalled to Wendy and Laura to do the same.
"Ah, you three are back! How was your trip to the museum?" Kevin asked casually.
"It was eventful, actually!" one of the girls laughed.
"Not something you hear every day," Ryan commented.
"Who are your targets?" came the question from the boy on the wall that took both Wendy and Laura by surprise.
"Clipboards out, girls!" Kevin instructed. He then looked at his. "I have a delivery for a Miss Alecto Carrow!"
Ryan was next. "Mine is for her brother, Mr. Amycus Carrow!"
Wendy stared at her clipboard and frowned at it. "My delivery is – apparently – for the Greyback Wolf Gang."
"Mine is for a Mr. Rabastan Lestrange and Mr. Augustus Rookwood," Laura sounded just as confused.
However, the bewilderment that two of the drivers felt wasn't registered by the three young people on the wall who kept shouting "the targets" back to someone. Wendy and Laura had no idea who but they could hear laughing, groaning and complaining at regular intervals.
Ryan then leaned out of his window and pressed the button that was affixed to the gate's wall.
About a second or two later, this strange glowing orb of blue hung above the gate, causing Wendy and Laura to gape. Jesus, this family had some really advanced technology!
"Ah, you are back," they heard a disgruntled, posh, female voice emanated from the orb. "Marvellous."
"There are only four of us, Mrs. Malfoy, so this should be quick," Kevin reassured with a cheerful tone.
"For whom are your packages?" Mrs. Malfoy demanded.
Wow, rude, Wendy found herself thinking. She could now see what Ryan meant about them being disliked!
Once more, the "listing" began, and Wendy and Laura both knew they had to repeat what they had told the 'sentries' already.
"I have a delivery for a Miss Alecto Carrow!" Kevin stated clearly.
"KILL ME NOW!" they heard another female voice quite clearly through the orb.
"Alecto, you should have seen this coming," someone pointed out.
Whilst Wendy and Laura were flabbergasted for a moment, Ryan continued the listing as though nothing had happened. "I have a delivery for her brother-"
"Amy is another target, Amy is another target," came a myriad of sing-song voices this time.
"Stop calling me Amy!" snapped a lone voice, clearly belonging to a man, not a woman.
Wendy gulped. For whatever reason, she now felt extremely nervous. "I … I have a delivery for the Greyback Wolf Gang," she managed to state without stumbling over her words too much.
"YAAAAAAAAY!" came the chorus of cheering children.
Finally, Laura plucked up her courage and added, "I have a delivery for a Mr. Rabastan Lestrange and Mr. Augustus Rookwood."
That caused a moment of silence on the other end of the orb.
"Are you sure those names are correct?" someone asked.
Laura swallowed a little. "Yes, sir," she went on the gruff voice. "I have them here, in black and white."
"Not Avior Avery?"
"No, sir," Laura frowned. "I don't think any of us have a package with that name."
"No one got lost by any chance did they?"
"Mikah, you're not helping!"
"Well they got lost before! It happens!"
The drivers exchanged a look.
"As far as we know, we are all present and correct," Kevin stated. "When we get back to our bases, we can ask around for you if you wish?"
"No, it is quite all right, thank you for the offer, though," the gruff voice spoke again.
It was at this point that the gates suddenly went open automatically. Kevin, Ryan, Wendy and Laura started their engines again and drove onto the property and Wendy could not resist having a look around her as she followed Ryan's tail. The hedges were all trimmed and styled beautifully. She caught sight of a group of albino peacocks showing off their feathers. Wendy did have to frown at the odd number of pink plastic flamingos that were dotting the clearly stately garden.
It was definitely a peculiar choice of decoration for a noble family, but then again noble families were not the most normal of people in general. They were the kind of people who believed that people who earned only one million pounds were middle class for goodness sake!
Wendy then took in the people who had apparently been waiting for them. There were five men, all between thirty and forty five, at the most. Two of them were ruggedly handsome, the only blonde amongst them looked rather baby-faced she thought and the other two – the dirty blonde guy with the muscular hunk – were clearly a couple, just by the look of them. Four out of the five men, were dressed entirely in black. For some reason, the way that they eyed each van made Wendy feel extremely uneasy.
Nevertheless, Wendy forced herself to leave the safety of her van and begin unloading the boxes in the back of her van – ten of them. To her surprise, the hunk and the three sentries came to help her.
"They are for us, after all," one of the girls stated. "It's only fair we help you."
"Thank you," Wendy found herself smiling.
"You seem rather new to this," the boy in leather remarked.
"That is because I am," Wendy replied as she got her clipboard again and her pen to have one of them to sign the delivery off. "Started not too long ago actually. My first job was just as strange as this one."
"Was it?" the hunk cocked his head a little. "In what way?"
"Had to deliver a package to a house number that didn't exist," Wendy scoffed.
"Huh," the strawberry blonde girl answered as she took the clipboard and signed it off. Her friends exchanged a look. "That's strange."
"Yeah," Wendy laughed shortly and looked at her clipboard.
C. Holland
Wendy nodded to herself.
"Ready, Red?" Kevin called as he straightened after he had gotten his fifty boxes unloaded and one of the men in black had signed the delivery off.
"Yep!" Wendy answered in the affirmative.
"Ryan, Brown?"
Ryan put his thumbs' up. "All set here, Kev!"
"The last box has just been delivered," Laura added. "And the delivery has just been signed off," she smiled at the dirty blonde man who had taken the pen and clipboard without hesitation to sign his name.
"OK, then we had better get going," Kevin stated, clapping his hands together.
Wendy shot into her van quite quickly and started the engine. The quicker she could get out of this creepy place, the better.
###########################################################################
"Is anyone else confused as to why Avior isn't being pranked?"
"Maybe the masks fell short?"
*Thalia thinks you walkers have learned nothing about the Potter hatchling if you think Avior has been ignored. If it is not here now, it will simply come later.*
The confusion was still palpable amongst the Death Eaters and werewolves when the boxes were being brought into the parlour. Walden, Antonin, Thorfinn, Rabastan and Tyler, followed by Roden, Beynon and Holland, distributed one box to each target. Tyler brought in a second box for Rabastan while the young Lestrange carried one over to a nonplussed Augustus.
"What I don't understand is why Basti and Augustus were targeted together?" Lysander questioned.
"Well, we're not going to know just by staring at the boxes," Jugson pointed out. "Let's just get this over with."
"May we go first, Voldey-mort?" Izzy had the spine of obsidian to ask Voldemort.
"Very well," Voldemort, though surprised, answered imperiously.
Nagini rolled her eyes. *Stop being so dramatic!*
*You are asking him to stop breathing,* Thalia could not help point out.
More than a few of the wolves had to bite into their cheeks to stop themselves from laughing. The children largely ignored what was going on around them as they tore open the package, and then started going through its contents.
"Ooooo Narnia! The Railway Children too!"
"Matilda! Never thought I would miss my sister's stupid book collection."
"Can't wait to see our friends' reactions to The Witches, though."
To the disappointment of most of the Death Munchers, the wolves were lifting out book after book and settling down to read with Tyler chuckling away. "Muggle story books. Some of them grew up with a few of these," he explained.
"Urgh," Travers pulled a face.
*Derrick, your face might actually start to resemble the back end of a cat if you are not careful and believe Thalia, that is not a pretty picture,* the ball python sassed.
Travers spluttered while his friends chuckled at his expense.
"So if the toys were bad enough, we now have Muggle fairy stories to deal with," Amycus growled.
"Well, maybe you should go next, Amy?" Antonin suggested. "Let's see what Muggle tripe you will be stuck with."
Amycus sneered at him.
*I think Amy must have had too much chicken last night; it's effecting him,* Thalia jibed.
"Thalia has a point," Walden readily agreed with a smirk.
"Amycusss, open your presssent," Voldemort ordered, wanting to see for himself what monstrosity the Brat had seen fit to send this time.
Amycus drew his wand and banished the cardboard box from around its contents. Onto the coffee table in front of them flopped several items, including boxes that they all now recognised as video cases. All of them had one name: Nightmare Before Christmas.
"What the … why does this look so … cartoonish?" Balthazar questioned.
"That is Tim Burton for you," Tyler answered. "He's a director known for using odd styles in movies."
"Mostly for children, is it?" Amycus hissed.
"Not at all," Tyler responded grimly.
*Thalia thinks that isn't the point here. Potter hatchling is calling Amy a nightmare,* the ball python found the need to point out.
"Which is accurate," Thorfinn smirked.
"A little rich coming from him!" Amycus sneered.
*You know, this is the reason why the Potter hatchling calls you a nightmare,* Nagini informed him primly. *Lighten up!*
*Told you he is worse than Tom,* Thalia sighed dramatically.
That got a whole lot of frowns. Voldemort immediately turned to Alecto. "Alecto, you next!"
Alecto started to internally pray to any deity who would listen for mercy. Unfortunately, she already suspected her prayers were too late and the Carrow witch unsheathed her wand, a sense of foreboding over her. Alecto used a Cutting Charm to open the box and then levitated out its contents.
Books – again! Joke books, sarcastic quip books, witty comeback books. Alecto pinched the bridge of her nose. Oh no …
"It seems that Potter is fed up with your sour face too," Rodolphus commented with a grin.
"I really hate this boy," was all Alecto had to say on the matter.
*Why does Alecto get the good stuffs? These books are more fitting for Thalia,* the comedian snake commented as she started to poke her snoot into two of the books. *Good jokes are wasted on Alecto.*
"I don't think you need any more ideas, Thalia," Avior had the guts to tell the snake.
"Yes, we all provide enough material for you already," Rabastan added with a smirk.
*I suppose that is true,* Thalia agreed. *However, a snake can only make so many jokes about Death Eaters having silly nicknames, or jokes around werewolves or making fun of Tom or fun of the fact that Corban has a new lady friend before it becomes stale.*
"Excuse me?" Augustus' eyes widened. "Corban has what?!"
A lot eyes went to a suddenly very red Corban Yaxley.
*What? You didn't know? You think Avior is the only one with a new lady friend?* Avior was now red as well, especially when his son turned to look at him. Thalia continued. *Corban very likely is going to deny it, but she is awesome! She has funny clothes and funny hair and she likes Thalia.*
A few people snorted with laughter.
"All the important qualities then?" Antonin grinned.
*Antonin, one cannot have a mate who despises snakes when they live around snakes,* Thalia responded primly.
"Yes, Mr. Mupples, she does have a point there," Bellatrix agreed seriously.
"So, have you found a lady friend for your friend Tom?" Walden could not resist asking Thalia.
*Nos. It is extremely difficult and Tom is being stubborn,* Thalia whined.
"Rabassstan, Augusssstuusss, you sssstill have to open your box!" Voldemort ordered.
"It's just going to be more books, I can feel it," Fenrir replied.
"Mr. Mupples, no spoilers!" Bellatrix scolded.
"It is so obvious it isn't a spoiler!" Rodolphus grumbled.
"Dolph, how many times do I have to say it? One cannot have too many books," Rabastan grinned as Augustus already started opening their boxes.
"You absolutely can," Lysander responded. "Especially where you two are concerned!"
"I am still wondering what Avery could be getting if it isn't a package prank," Mikah stated with a frown.
"I think, whatever it is, we need to keep our eyes open for anything that could be construed as a prank," Hannah added.
"Well, I am more than happy to wait," Avior answered. "Good pranks need time to stew."
"There is something wrong with you," Lucius commented.
"I don't think you have the right to talk, there, Lucy!" Fenrir scoffed.
Playful banter ensured once more. Voldemort found he didn't have enough energy to put a stop to it. With the arrival of new books and videos, very soon Malfoy Manor was occupied once more, and their guards were let down to the point where not even Bellatrix noted that Mr. Mupples was telling them to keep on their toes and look for another red van.
Well, that evening, that lesson was once again learned.
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The Boy-Who-Was-Getting-More-And-More-Concerned-That-Mental-Healthcare-In-Magical-Britain-Needed-Improving was pacing up and down the Gryffindor common room quite late at night, pondering on the images and memories that he had just spent the last three hours studying quite in depth.
Dumbledore had given him memories on Walden Macnair and Antonin Dolohov. Harry had half expected to see another set of abusive parents just as he had seen in Bella's and the Lestranges' cases, but much to his surprise, it didn't entirely seem to be the case. Macnair's father was a blacksmith who longed to get his old family pride back – to be a Magical Metallurgist was a highly regarded position. Macnair's mother was a kind and gentle soul who loved animals. Dolohov's father was a macho guy but never laid a hand on his kid, even when he had one too many vodkas. Dolohov's mother was not a cuddly woman, but she wasn't neglectful either.
As it turned out, Macnair and Dolohov's bad influences and abusers, had been their own friends. Macnair had been an average student, except for in Care of Magical Creatures, of all things. Some of the older Slytherins, especially Evan Rosier, had gotten their hands on a magical creature in the Forest, and had practically tortured the poor thing almost to death.
Harry could still see the memory – no doubt provided by Snape – of Macnair, tears in the young boy's eyes, taking a scythe and putting the poor thing out of its misery. He still felt his stomach turn at the thought.
As for Dolohov, he had effectively been manipulated by Rosier, Lysander Avery and even Xander Mulciber into using … some less than orthodox means of testing the spells that he was creating. Specifically, using young Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs during duelling clubs in order to try and remain undetected. The memory of Dolohov picking on the wrong witch at the wrong time stuck with Harry too. Though Dolohov had been in the wrong, using that purple curse of his, the young witch had very nearly paralysed him with her own attack. Of course, Rosier made use of that, telling Dolohov that the girl had done it deliberately, when she hadn't.
Evan Rosier – Harry was rather glad the bastard was already dead, because Lord Black would have made it his mission to make his life a living hell. Lysander and Xander were sheep; it was even who practically gave the orders.
The Boy-Who-Was-Getting-Fed-Up-With-Abused-People-Being-Side-Lined-And-Turned-Into-Evil-Death-Munchers was probably driving himself more and more insane with his pacing, but he couldn't help it. The issue was, he ended up accidentally doing something he never expected.
As he continued, Harry suddenly felt another presence in his head, and it wasn't Voldie.
Potter hatchling? What is going on?
Nagini. Harry assumed, at least.
Yes, it is Nagini.
You … can hear me?
Obviously. Is this how you also communicate with Tom?
I … yes,
Harry felt like he could confirm. I have no idea how I opened the Link with you …
You were probably thinking too much. Tom has the same issue,
the snake informed primly. By the way, your prank for Rabastan and Augustus was a little too obvious. I like the one for Avior though. An opera?
Yes, thought it was fitting. It was Ginny's idea, though.
I see why Tom calls her your Bella then!
Harry found himself smiling.
May Nagini ask what you were thinking about?
Macnair and Dolohov,
Harry found himself confessing. I found … something out about them. Let's just leave it at that.
It troubles you,
Nagini pointed out.
I would be rather heartless if it didn't, the Boy-Who-Could-Not-Believe-He-Was-Getting-Counsel-From-Voldemort's-Familiar replied.
May Nagini ask you something? Not about that.
Fire away.
Can you get your hands on a plane for Thalia?
That was the question Harry did not expect. However, that scheming smirk was soon back on his countenance. I assume there is a story behind this request?
Correct, Potter hatchling.
Would you mind tell it to me?
Nagini was all too happy to oblige. Well, it all started when Rabastan, Balthazar, Tyler, Antonin and Walden wanted to study your pranking ways so decided to visit the Weasley hatchlings' shop, and Thalia wanted to come along …
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I think you guys know what is coming next: the Carrows' birthday and all the shenanigans that will arise from this. Of course, there is also the matter of the locket and whether Tonks will or will not share her suspicions with Harry about Regulus having a locket with an S on it. I hope you are all ready for the next moment of madness because I assure you, the Death Munchers are not!
I do once again have some people to thank I may have left out the last time – SecretWriter26, Jamervan, and Dragon-bait-2001. I also want to thank ImUpToNoGood, who has now reviewed two of my stories and who gave me the idea to perhaps give the perspectives of the Muggle drivers for a change!
Once again, thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoyed this moment of madness too. I had quite a bit of inspiration so that is why this update is quite quick.
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