The Carrows' Birthday Mayhem

True to his word, Dumbledore came back to Hogwarts the evening of October 1st and had asked his staff for an immediate update on the events that had occurred in his absence. He was rather glad to hear that Harry's prank war with Tom was continuing and he had given Severus permission to only threaten Mundungus an incy, wincey, tiny little bit for stealing from Grimmauld Place. Naturally Severus did with that what he wanted, but that really wasn't Albus's problem. Dumbledore really did not need to deal with angry Black family members, whether Light or Dark. They would not be calmed down with a nice cup of tea and a biscuit. Tonks was already set to string Mundungus alive the next time she would see him, and Remus really wasn't much better.

No, what Albus needed was for everyone to remain calm and collected and approach issues with an even mind.

Unfortunately, Harry was not calm, nor collected and had no interest in approaching his currently issue with an even mind. When the young Saviour came to Albus's office for their extra lesson again, he spent the first twenty minutes ranting and raving about how Tom's men were treated by their friends and family, ignoring every offer from Albus to have another cup of tea. The portraits of the past Headmasters and Headmistresses couldn't go to sleep because Harry was making no effort to keep his voice down at all.

"-is it any wonder Walden turned into a bloodthirsty maniac who enjoys chopping the heads off magical creatures if he was practically trained to do it by the very bloody people who were supposed to be his friends and his parents and teachers did nothing? Why didn't you do anything? Let me guess – you never figured it out!"

"Harry-"

"Did you know Antonin had talent for spell creation? Why didn't you help him find a safer place to practise and duct tape Evan Rosier's mouth shut?"

"Well-"

"Lysander and Xander had their own problems – they all did! – but they weren't manipulative little shits. I am tempted to learn Necromancy and the find Evan Rosier's grave so I can raise the dickhead from the grave to punch his stupid face off!"

"Now, now, Harry-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know – Necromancy is bad," Harry huffed, finally calming down a little bit.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled with amusement. "Corpse mutilation is also not advisable, Harry."

"With one exception."

"Harry."

"OK, we will agree to disagree."

Dumbledore chuckled. "Well I am glad that you have been taking your homework seriously. Severus wasn't sure you would actually get around to doing it, considering everything that is keeping you busy lately. I thought perhaps we could discuss Tom a little bit more."

"Fine, but what are you going to do about Mundungus Fletcher, and Ferret Malfoy?" Harry wanted to know, his brow furrowing. "One is a sneak thief who frankly I wish Tonks had strung up and from what Luna, Dobby, Kreacher and Ron have been telling me, Draco is definitely up to something strange."

"Strange, you say?" Dumbledore frowned.

"He's been visiting a Vanishing Cabinet with mood swings."

This was not something Dumbledore expected to hear because he blinked a few times in absolute shock. "Excuse me?"

"That is what Luna and Dobby have told me. Kreacher is being useless, singing his damn praises and reassuring me that 'Master Regulus's locket is safe and sound' – honestly, I have no idea if he is just going batty at this point, and Ron just says Draco whispers some kind of spell at the antique that apparently is supposed to cheer it up or something," Harry rattled on, folding his arms. "It really isn't helpful. Plus, we haven't sent a prank in bloody days! We have been swamped with homework and Quidditch practise and detentions and helping the secret art club and I am bored!"

Dumbledore had no idea quite what to say to that; Fawkes trilled with laughter.

"Anyway, how was your trip, sir?"

Dumbledore once more smiled brightly. "Very fruitful, thank you! I do admit that I have hit a bit of a snag in my research and there have been some unforeseen … elements," he stated carefully, "but other than that it went rather well. The weather was awful though."

"Can you send Fletcher the next time so he can come back with a very nasty cold?"

"Harry!"

"It was just a question, sir."

Phineas Nigellus Black snorted at hearing this. "You should have let the Hat put you in Slytherin, boy."

Dumbledore ignored his predecessor. "I thought tonight we would watch another long memory of mine regarding Tom. It was when Armando Dippet dispatched me to inform him that he was a wizard. You see, just before his eleventh birthday, our records made mention of his name and due to the Gaunts being alumni of Hogwarts, naturally Tom's name came onto our list."

"I take it you didn't have a competent version of Professor Trelawney to give you a warning about Voldie?" Harry asked bluntly.

"Harry! You of all people must know Sybil is simply … misunderstood. And no, I did not have a Seer of any kind to warn me about him," Dumbledore's face fell. "Had I a Seer to warn me … things may have been different."

"Or not," Harry could not help point out. "Some people just suck."

"Very true," Dumbledore agreed readily with a soft smile as he fetched the memory. His smile grew. "I would have likely robbed you of the pleasure of pranking Tom."

"Oh I would have found a way to make his life miserable," Harry reassured easily with a smirk. Fawkes trilled in laughter again. "Don't worry about that! Speaking of making people's lives miserable, in seven days it is Amycus and Alecto's birthday."

This made Dumbledore pause for a moment in surprise. "How did you know that, my boy? On second thoughts, it is perhaps not a good idea to tell me. I do like a good surprise, and people are entitled to their secrets. I assume there is a reason why you mention this to me?"

"There is, sir," Harry grinned. "My friends, Dudley and I have booked them a ten-pin bowling session-"

"Oh wonderful!" Dumbledore lit up instantly. "That is always good fun."

"And a bouncy castle," Harry added. "But we want the Death Twins to be as annoyed and as miserable as possible, so we have come up with a strategy to make sure they are there when Dud and his friends go. Naturally, they have no idea who Dudley is so Seamus came up with the idea that had Hermione going slightly mental-"

"What is it, my boy?" Dumbledore asked eagerly.

"Would you consider going to the ten-pin bowling session with some of the Order and the staff?" Harry asked with a smirk. "Just to rub salt further into the wounds? Plus we have already booked an extra session-"

"Absolutely! I have always wanted to teach Severus but he has always found an excuse!" the half-moon spectacles practically fell off the old wizard's face in excitement. "Oh this is going to be jolly good fun!" Dumbledore did frown a little. "Are you sure that Tom, the Carrows and their friends will go, though?"

"Do not fret, sir," those verdant eyes glinted mischievously. "I have an ally amongst their ranks. She will make sure they go."

"She?" Dumbledore repeated curiously. "Is it Bella by any chance?"

"No, we are not that close. Plus, we can't communicate via the Link," Harry chuckled. "It's Nagini."

This time, the half-moon spectacles did fall off Dumbledore's face. "Nagini?! My boy, when did you learn to communicate with Nagini of all creatures?"

"A few days ago. I promised to help her find a good plane for Thalia," Harry informed. "Thalia really likes flying apparently. I am going to talk to Fred and George about if their planes are for sale soon. Anyway, Nagini knows how to wrap Captain Cueball around her tail so she will make sure they go, especially now that the Death Munchers can understand everything that she and Thalia are saying."

"Yes I heard something about that – a translator, yes? Ingenious."

"It was Luna's idea."

"Ah! That does not surprise me," Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "And did you just call Tom … Captain Cueball?"

The Boy-Whose-Mental-Health-Dumbledore-Was-Slightly-Concerned-About-At-This-Point smirked. "I have a lot of nicknames for him, sir. My favourite is Grandpa. He hates it."

"… Grandpa? You call Tom … grandpa?" Dumbledore for a moment did not know what to do with this information.

"Yes, sir. It makes him very angry; it's hilarious!"

"I … Well, if Nagini can convince Tom and the others to actually go, I will be more than happy to gather a few people together to go as well."

Harry's face lit up. "Excellent! Thank you, sir!"

Dumbledore beamed. "No, thank you! I do love ten-pin bowling. I have been waiting for a good opportunity to go again. Now, shall we get down to business before it gets too late?"

#########################################################################

"Remind me again why I let you convince me to join you on this ridiculous errand of yours?" Balthazar huffed.

"Because you wanted to escape the Manor as much as I did to preserve your hearing," Avior stated bluntly. "And you didn't fancy getting another Boglin for laughing in our Lord's face. Not to mention Thalia and Nagini's incessant jokes!"

"I hate that bloody translator already," Mulciber Senior sniffed.

Avior and Balthazar were making their way down Knockturn Alley that cold October morning. The pair had just about recovered from an already turbulent morning. The children had been up to their old tricks and Thalia and Nagini had been narrating the argument between Rodolphus and Bella about whether or not Izzy and Mr. Mupples had styled her hair well that morning, until the mail owls arrived.

With The Quibbler. Has had been predicted, Lovegood had requested Mikah to make one or two minor adjustments to his text, which the werewolf was more than happy to do and that edition of the magazine not only had Mikah's wonderfully written article in it – which apparently had the Ministry up in arms, considering Corban was summoned quite quickly to the offices by Amelia Bones and Elizabeth Abbott – but also because of an edition to the cartoon section of the magazine.

The Adventures of Lord Ponymort.

Which started off as this white unicorn pegasus with glowing red eyes emerging from a cauldron in a graveyard and attempting to impale anyone who so much looked at it funnily on its horn. There were three pictures in the story that was of 'Lord Ponymort' chasing a rather hilarious caricature of Lucius around the graveyard, while the captured Harry Potter was dying of laughter. Unfortunately, Lord Ponymort wasn't used to running and soon found himself tripping over his hooves and sent tumbling into bushes.

As usual, Fenrir and his pack were dry heaving from laughter, Rabastan had to practically stab himself in the leg and Bella started arguing with Mr. Mupples about whether or not the cartoon was funny or not. All the while, Thalia and Nagini started cracking as many jokes as they could manage at Tom's expense whilst pretending to be art connoisseurs.

*Nagini thinks the artist has captured the angry Tom expression in the eyes rather well.*

*Thalia thinks that Lord Ponymort should have tripped way more often. After spending more than ten years as a ghost there is no way he could be that good at running!*

*At least Lord Ponymort can still fly on his own! We all know Lord Grumpy-mort hates to rely on brooms.*

*Nagini thinks Wormtail has been drawn way too flatteringly. And why does Lord Ponymort had a nose?! The artist has made a big blunder!*

*At least Lord Ponymort can't look like Mr. Fiennes at any point!*

Those were just some of the comments that stayed in Avior and Balthazar's heads. Admittedly, they too had struggled not to start laughing in the face of their rather dangerous old friend, but they had used a technique that was well versed by this point: both of them had imagined Dumbledore and Snape knitting patterns. For some reason, just thinking of that image managed to distract both Avior and Balthazar to the point they could control their ability to laugh.

Because of his own stroppy mood, Lord Voldemort had quickly shut himself away in his study to hex and jinx every object in the room to relieve himself of some of his anger, so Avior and Balthazar saw an opportunity to sneak out and get some mental rest. And of course, Avior suggested another trip into Knockturn Alley. Balthazar had tried not to look too judgementally at his friend when he suggested it.

"What?" Avior had attempted to look as innocent as he could manage when he saw the look in his friend's eyes.

"You're acting like a hormonal teenager," was all Balthazar had to answer with.

"Shush."

"You know I am right."

Avior mock-scowled at him but didn't answer. The pair had at that point entered the Leaky Cauldron, fully Glamoured, seeing a lot of angry people discuss the latest Quibbler article or laughing at the cartoon at the back and thus managed to make an easy escape to Knockturn Alley.

"What is so special about this girl anyway?" Balthazar wanted to know as they dodged past a young banshee girl.

"She runs an antique store for one," Avior answered easily.

"So you fit right in, then?"

"Shut up, Balthazar!"

"Avior, you are perhaps twice her age and you haven't truly looked at a woman since-"

Balthazar stopped mid-sentence, cut off by the cold, warning look from his friend. He cleared his throat. "Anyway, I just want to make sure you actually have sincere intentions towards this girl and not just because she is the first woman to notice you in a long time."

"Gee, thanks. That is flattering," Avior grumbled sarcastically. "I am not like Antonin, so please don't mistake me as such!"

"Wouldn't dream of it," Balthazar smirked. "And what if the store isn't open yet? What then? I doubt you even know where this girl lives!"

"Well, I know all shop owners have an apartment above their shop."

Balthazar grumbled internally. "Of course you do."

"Oh come off it! It is common knowledge! Even those Weasley menaces have one. I doubt very much they still live with their parents with the amount of mayhem they are able to concoct," Avior pointed out. "Plus they made decent enough money."

"And you know this how?" Balthazar inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Lucy looked into it-"

"Of course he did! Bloody Malfoys and their business noses."

When Avior and Balthazar arrived at the Ye Olde Curiosity shop, the lights were on – much to Avior's obvious delight – and the pair entered, with Balthazar rolling his eyes and wondering why the gods had decided to turn his friend into a lovestruck adolescent. Alecto and Amycus had been unhelpful when it came to who Alice was a person – they had given nothing useful about her at all, except that she was strange. So now Balthazar had the opportunity to gather some intel personally, which he was actually rather happy with.

The young woman in question was currently listening to an old record player, bobbing her head to the tune and humming to the song as she was working on this old, odd looking clock, a strange set of glasses on her nose. Balthazar could see why Alecto had called her odd: she was dressed as a pureblood but had more a masculine taste than a feminine on. But appearance wise, Balthazar could see why Avior was besotted. Alice was a beauty; her eyes were striking and her hair fell in natural waves.

"Good morning, Miss Alice! That is a very handsome clock."

Balthazar wanted to almost facepalm at how casual and blunt his friend was trying to sound. Chatting a woman up had never been Avior's forte!

Alice raised her head quite sharpish, blinked a few times, which with those glasses on, looked funnier than it had meant to. Balthazar bit into his cheek to ensure that he kept a straight face; he didn't have time to resort to disturbing images. To his surprise, a beaming smile carved itself onto the young woman's face when she recognised Avior.

"Ah, Mr. Avior. How do you do?" she asked happily, putting those odd glasses off and turning to the two men. "What brings you into my quiet corner of the Alley today? Another prank?"

"Ah no, we were just in the neighbourhood – wait, you know my name?" Avior's eyes widened.

Balthazar blinked in disbelief. "You mean to tell me that you neglected to leave her your name?" he hissed, perhaps a little bit too loudly, considering Alice's amused look.

Avior flushed redder than fresh strawberries. "I … might have done?"

"You're a blithering idiot!"

Alice chuckled. "Do not fret about it, sir," she reassured Balthazar gently. "I understand Mr. Avior and his companions were rather in a hurry. Your friend Corban was kind enough to give me the name."

"Corban?" Avior didn't attempt to disguise his surprise, and the glimmer of envy in his eyes. "He was here?"

"Not too long ago. He was with Auror Tonks and Mrs. Snyde-Hallow," Alice answered candidly as she got up from her chair. "They were here for a miscreant that has been causing some mischief for us shop owners. Mundungus Fletcher, his name is. I warned him time and time again to stay off my land with his stolen goods but he keeps coming back. Auror Tonks and Mrs. Snyde-Hallow managed to scare him good last time, though. I haven't seen him in over a week, which I am glad about! Would you gentlemen like some tea?"

"Yes, please, Miss Alice," Balthazar frowned a little. "Corban was with Auror Tonks and Mrs. Snyde-Hallow, you say?"

"And a young banshee girl called Orla. She is an informant of Auror Tonks'; I know because I have seen the pair together before," Alice informed as she went to boil some water. "I must say, I never expected the feared Corban Yaxley to be willingly seen with a half-blood Metamorphagus."

"They looked friendly to you?" Avior pressed further, exchanging a grin with Balthazar.

Was Tonks the lady friend Thalia mentioned?

"Yes, I would say so," Alice came out of her back room with three steaming mugs of tea, grinning. "I do hope your friend isn't being given too much grief, considering the article I read in The Quibbler this morning. Did you read it?"

"The one about the scarred hands of students with a Blood Quill? The whole of wizarding Britain must have read it by now," Avior pretended to shake his head in disbelief. "Absolutely disgusting what the Senior Undersecretary was allowed to get away with."

"I owled Benjie, my brother, this morning when I saw his hand," a glimmer of anger entered those bright eyes. "How did I miss this? How did Mum and Dad miss this? I know that he used a Glamour but still – I am his sister! How in the heck did I miss something like that?"

"You can't blame yourself. The Ministry and the school hoodwinked a lot of people," Balthazar reassured sincerely, smiling softly.

Alice snorted. "A lot of people? Every parent with a scarred child! Former Minister Fudge is lucky I had an order to finish today," she gestured to the clock, "or I would have marched into the Ministry and possibly landed myself with a night in the cells."

Avior's expression softened. "Don't do anything stupid, Miss Alice. The man isn't worth it. He isn't in power anymore."

"His damn woman is," Alice hissed. "I hear she has been turned into a toad. That is not more than what she deserves!"

"A lot of people agree with you there," Balthazar stated. "Avior and myself included, however we need to leave this to the proper authorities."

"As if the 'proper authorities' ever cared," Alice scoffed. "People can buy themselves out of prison and can get away with torturing children – there is no way that the 'proper authorities' didn't know! Nothing is going to be done about this." She then took a deep breath. "Forgive me. This has been stewing for a good few hours … I do apologise."

"No. No apology necessary, my dear," Avior answered warmly.

"You're too kind, sir," Alice smiled.

The idea of Avior being too kind genuinely made Balthazar snort, earning him a glare from his friend.

"If it makes you feel better," Avior turned back to her, "we can ask Corban what happened at the Ministry when he returns from work?"

Alice looked at him in disbelief. "You would do that for me?"

"Of course!" Avior flushed. "I would … want to know if it was my brother or my own child that was hurt and the person responsible still held a position of power."

Balthazar suppressed the urge to make gagging noises like a child. He winced when the sharp kick that Avior had aimed for his shins landed squarely on the target. Alice, who noticed, bit her lip to hide her smile of amusement.

Avior cleared his throat. "Well, we must not keep you longer, Miss Alice. Thank you for the tea."

"You're welcome. Don't be a stranger, and your friends too," Alice flushed.

Avior rounded on Balthazar as soon as they were out of the door. "What in the name of everything good and magical were you laughing at?!"

"You are more than a little rusty at this!" Balthazar snorted. "Hekate, you were worse than that time you tried to ask out Lyssa Hallow."

Avior was once more redder than a Gryffindor tie at that. "I was not! I could at least make coherent sentences this time!"

Balthazar barked out a laugh. "So you admit you are a complete blockhead when it comes to the Game of Courting?"

Avior's mouth decided to throw out what he was thinking at that point. "I am still better at it than Tom."

This made Balthazar freeze for a moment and pale quite quickly. "I hope for your sake he never hears you say that!"

"Hey, I never put a Cobra Lily beside the bed of the person I was trying to woo. I checked their phobias first!" Avior found himself chuckling.

Balthazar involuntarily snorted. "It was pretty funny though!"

"Oh that was never in doubt, my friend!"

The two Glamoured Death Eaters found themselves in a pretty good mood when they finally returned to Malfoy Manor. Unfortunately, their good feeling was very soon shot down by the Anti Fun Brigade, as Izzy, Sebastian, Phoebe and Sophie called some of the more stroppy Death Munchers. The Anti Fun Brigade was composed of both Carrows, Ralston, Derrick, Lucius, Fenrir, Voldemort and Hannah (when she didn't let them stay up for as long as they wanted after curfew). People were surprised when Rodolphus wasn't mentioned as a member, but that was apparently because the elder Lestrange could read good stories and had played a few games with the children when his friends or Voldemort weren't looking.

However, on this occasion the Anti Fun Brigade had temporarily expanded their ranks to almost everyone in the house because of the mail that had arrived while Avior and Balthazar were out. Not even Augustus, Rabastan, Antonin, Walden and Thorfinn were happy about it. The only ones excited, were the werewolves and the two snakes.

Apparently, the Brat had arranged a birthday nightmare – excuse me, a birthday surprise – for Alecto and Amycus for their birthday. A trip to something called a bowling alley and when Avior and Balthazar were informed by Tyler what it was, neither of them looked forward going into a place with annoying lights and noises and Muggles to play some stupid game.

That wasn't the concern of many, funnily enough.

"HOW IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING MAGIC AND HOLY DOES THE BRAT KNOW WHEN WE WERE BORN!?" the twins had wailed so loudly that it very nearly scared the cloaks off the Druids at Stonehenge. "THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM!"

"You only just figured that out?" Antonin raised an incredulous eyebrow. "One would have thought you knew that after the first mental breakdown you two suffered."

"SHUT UP, ANTONIN!"

"They know everything," Rabastan stated ominously, pretending to gone into a Seer's trance. "They wait in the shadows, biding their time-"

"SHUT UP, BASTI!"

Rabastan tried to keep a straight face as he continued. "You are the first but not the last …"

"BASTI, SERIOUSLY?!"

"Dolph is next …"

"Basti, could you please stop?" Rodolphus paled.

"Mr. Mupples, what do you mean Uncle Basti is entirely correct? What do you mean your Papa has a surprise in store for everyone's birthdays?!" Bella was whiter than snow at this. As it turned out, so was everyone except the children and the snakes.

*The Potter hatchling and his friends are reaching their next level. The experience points they have gathered is paying off,* Thalia joked.

*And of course, everyone is going to complain no matter what they get,* Nagini huffed. *Walkers have no idea how lucky they are that their species care about their hatching days.*

*Walkers are strange creatures,* Thalia agreed sagely, causing a few of the Death Munchers to splutter in indignation. *They put stock into their hatching days but prefer to forget the Put The Box Into The Ground Day!*

"Yes, for good reason, Thalia!" Lysander stated. "Deaths hurt-"

*Hatching and birthing hurts!* Thalia shot back easily. *Thalia has never heard of a walker who has gotten through a birthing or hatching without screeching and screaming, and the only time they are silent is when they are knocked out!*

Avery Junior looked ready to argue but Walden was quick on the draw.

"Lysander, you're not going to win this argument. You know that right?"

*Yes, Walden is smart. You will not win against Thalia!* the banana coloured ball python smirked.

"Can someone turn that translator off now?" Lucius was stupid enough to not whisper or mutter.

Both Thalia and Nagini looked miffed at this. *Thalia and Nagini will whoop your walker butt in this bowly game,* Thalia stated firmly.

"Bowling," Roden corrected gently.

*That is what Thalia said. Bowly,* Nagini frowned. *Silly werewolf.*

Roden was utterly dumbfounded at this point, as were her friends and packmates.

"Eeeerm, I might not be an expert, but I don't think Parseltongue has a word for bowling," Augustus piped up. "They are trying to get as close as they can to it."

"Indeed," Voldemort confirmed silkily. "But asss to your birthday sssurprissse, Alecto and Amycusss, I think it would be rude to wasste it. More importantly, if we do not go, it may give the Brat an excussse to try and prank usss even more than he and hisss little friendssss are currently doing."

"Mr. Mupples' Papa is that vindictive," Bella agreed readily.

"Oh bugger – I didn't think of that," Derrick grumbled, putting his head into his hands. "I can't wait for the day that boy is put out of his misery."

*Hey Nagini, Thalia thinks Derrick might earn himself a new nickname soon.*

Oh no.

*Oh really, what is it, Thalia?*

*The Grim Reaper of Good Moods!*

Half the room snorted involuntarily, Voldemort included. Derrick spluttered noiselessly in shock, gaping like a fish.

"Wow, that was just – wow. Wow, wow; I have no words," Ralston commented, shaking his head in disbelief.

"The nickname suits Amy better," was Antonin's only comment.

"Hey, uncalled for!"

"Your existence-"

"Antonin, stop giving the snakes ammunition!" Narcissa hissed, seeing Thalia and Nagini eye the Death Munchers eagerly.

*No, no, please continue. Thalia can never get enough material,* Thalia piped up happily.

*Yes you can,* Voldemort sighed.

*No one asked you, Tom,* Nagini grinned.

"So," Rodolphus spoke up darkly. "We are going to this bowl-ling thing?"

"Our Lord is right. We don't have much of a choice," Avior agreed grimly. "I don't particularly fancy having a story about me in The Quibbler because the boy very likely might feel extremely vindictive on a bad day."

"I don't think chewing on his shoes was enough," Fenrir growled.

*You don't say,* Nagini sassed.

"I guess that means the wizards have to put their Glamours on again," one of the werewolves added.

"It does," Augustus confirmed with regret.

*Well then Thalia thinks someone should be put in charge of them because Tom is not allowed Mr. Fiennes' face and voice anymore and we need to make sure Bella never looks like this Helena person ever again!* Thalia was extremely quick on the draw.

"Thalia's right. We can't end up in Muggle papers again!" Rabastan agreed easily.

"Narcissa should be in charge," Thorfinn volunteered quickly.

"Seconded!" Antonin agreed.

"Thirded!" Walden was very close behind.

Narcissa raised both eyebrows. "And I take it that I don't get a say in this?" she demanded.

"We could put Mr. Mupples in charge?" Izzy piped up.

The plushie Death Muncher shook in excitement, with Bella giggling madly. "Oh yes little wolfie, that is a good idea! We can have some real fun then! Hehehehehehehehehehehe!"

No one in the room – save for Thalia, Nagini and Izzy – looked remotely happy about this prospect.

"I will do it," Narcissa was very quick to decide at this point.

*Awwwwww,* Thalia and Nagini pouted.

"Awwwwwww," Izzy pouted at the exact same time.

"Not fair," Bellatrix too was pouting while Mr. Mupples visibly deflated.

"It is absolutely fair, Bella, because none of us fancy putting our fate into the fluffy paws of Mr. Mupples!" Ralston huffed.

"Plus, most of us have workable Glamours," Balthazar added.

"I just hope it will be enough," Rabastan stated with an ominous tone to his voice. "I have a funny feeling about this."

"Basti, please don't jinx this," Rodolphus pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Hey, it's just a feeling, Dolph!"

"No, it's your Harry Senses going off," Narcissa argued.

Rabastan and Rodolphus – and everyone save Voldemort – stopped at this and turned to her. Lady Malfoy flushed at this.

"My what?" Rabastan asked incredulously.

"Your Harry Senses. It means that the boy has likely laid a trap of some kind," Lady Malfoy sighed. "Draco and I developed the Sense over the holidays."

"Asss did I," Voldemort added, causing a lot of his followers to turn their heads snappishly to him. "We mussst remain vigilant becaussse of thisss. We have no idea what we will face at thisss … bowling alley."

With that, the dark blanket of foreboding cloaked everyone in the room.

###########################################################################

Dudley had never been so excited to go to a bowling alley in his entire life. It had been way too easy to convince his parents to let him and his mates go to London. October 8th didn't see that many people in the train, surprisingly, so he, Piers, Gordon, Dennis and Malcolm could discuss the possible mayhem in peace without fear that someone might overhear them.

"How do we even know these idiots are gonna show?" Malcolm, the only sceptic in the group, asked for the umpteenth time. "I wouldn't if I were them."

"They might think Potter will send them a dung bomb if they don't," Piers smirked. "They will go outta fear. You will see, mate."

"I don't think they're that traumatised," Malcolm snorted.

"I do, with the amount of shit Potter has been flinging at them practically non-stop," Dennis grinned.

"I think we're gonna have some fun either way," Gordon decided to play devil's advocate.

That's for sure, Dudley smirked to himself. There was of course a part of him that knew that this could backfire spectacularly. Either Voldemort and his Death Munchers were not going to show, or they couldn't resist hurting a non-magical person out of sheer frustration. Dudley had no idea what he'd do if that option came up. They behaved – didn't mean, they had changed.

After all, Voldemort had killed his Aunt Lily and Uncle James, and had tried to kill Harry. You don't just suddenly flip a switch when you do something like that.

This is kinda also my payback as well then, came that made Dudley chuckle to himself and divert his train of thought away from the dark track.

The place Dudley had chosen was the Duckpin Bowling alley. It looked new and up and coming when he did the research and thought it was best to perhaps pick something a little bit more on the low down and hidden, rather than a famous bowling alley. It was in Waterloo and did take a minute for the boys to find it but once they did, Dudley was rather happy this was the venue he booked for the Carrows.

It had a fun atmosphere, people were enjoying burgers, fries and hot wings and there were already a few people playing. It was definitely crowded enough to reassure Dudley that Voldemort and his Death Munchers couldn't do anything overtly magical without someone spotting them. It didn't entirely reassure him that they couldn't kill everyone in the room, but Dudley chose to look on the bright side.

"You ready to get your arses whooped again, Malcolm?"

"You got lucky with that strike, Den, and you know it!"

"Told you he is still a salty bastard."

"Shut up, Gordon!"

"Don't know about you, lads, but I am starvin'," Piers stated. "I am gonna go and get the food already."

"Oooo get me some hot wings if they got them!" Dennis grinned.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Weirdo."

As Gordon was inputting their names into the system, Dudley suddenly felt a chill run up his spine for no apparent good reason. Certainly wasn't because a cold wind had suddenly blown in from outside. Having a very funny feeling, Dudley decided to peer over his shoulder. His eyes practically bugged out of his sockets when he spotted a very large group of adults, kids his age, uni students and small kids walk into the bowling alley, looking as though they were about to get ambushed at any given second. He spotted one of those people dressed in black carrying two stuffed snakes.

"Well fuck me," Malcolm commented. He, Dennis and Gordon had turned around too. "Can someone go and tell them it is a little early for Halloween?"

"Malcolm, shut up before you get us killed." Dudley advised as he and his mates watched the group being met by a very enthusiastic young employee, who happily helped them pick the bowling shoes.

This did not sit well with most of the ladies present at all, and they were not shy in letting anyone know their discontentment.

"You cannot expect me in all good conscience to wear these! Look at them! They are unsightly. Fashion nightmares!"

"Narcissa-"

"Alecto, you cannot stand here and tell me that you are happy we have to wear these appalling excuses of footwear!"

"Cissy, you are making a lot of noise and Mr. Mupples says people are staring."

"Let them stare, Bella!"

Voldemort himself – or at least, Dudley thought it was Voldemort, looked just as constipated. "This is not funny, Brat! You will come to regret this once I am through with you!"

Ah, it seemed that Harry was continuing to bully Voldemort through their shared Link! Dudley bit into his cheek, trying not to laugh as he watched Voldemort, the Death Munchers and the pack of werewolves grumble and complain while putting on the red and white shoes that made them ever so slightly less intimidating. It was made even better with several of the kids asking some of the Death Munchers to help them with their shoes.

"So, they did show up. They have guts," Gordon chuckled.

"They mustn't have had anything better to do," Malcolm commented.

"Question is, how good are they at bowling?" Dennis smirked.

"Probably not," Dudley chuckled.

Piers came back at this point. "All right lads, food is on its way – oh! Hey! Look at that group of weirdos. Why are they all dressed in black – wait a minute. Are those Potter's targets?"

"Sssssh!" Dudley hissed, casting a glance at the group as he spied two of the uni student-looking wolves glance in their direction for a moment. "They could hear you."

"Doubt it. Lighten up, Big D," Piers dismissed. "Soooo shall we get this pain train going or what?" he asked, rubbing his hands with glee.

"Yes please! I am up first!" Dennis grinned, taking one of the orange bowling bowls; they were his favourite. Mostly because he still viewed orange as his 'lucky colour'. Dudley quietly prayed for a mediocre throw; Dennis only ended up with one pin left standing and soon had that knocked one down with a well-aimed throw.

Damn it..

"Nice throw."

The boys turned around to see one of the Death Munchers – Dudley guessed it was maybe Rabastan from some of Harry's quick descriptions – watching with a soft smile. "Sorry. I have never played this game in my life. I take it that you just have to knock as many of those pins down as possible?"

"Basically," Piers confirmed with a grin. "But Den just got lucky, as always."

"Hey, orange is my colour!" Dennis laughed.

The Death Muncher turned to look at the bowling balls. "Is there a difference in the balls?" he wanted to know.

"Yeah, some of them are heavier, lighter – some of the holes you put your fingers in are bigger, smaller. You just have to see which one is right for your arm," Dudley answered casually.

"You boys seem to know your stuff," the Dark wizard commented with a slight grin.

"Well, bowling is one of our favourite hobbies, I guess," Malcolm shrugged.

"Basti, are you bothering these young men?" a slightly older Death Muncher asked as he came over, giving Dudley and his mates a slightly cold look each.

"I am just asking a little about the game!" Rabastan protested.

"He isn't bothering us," Dudley reassured.

"Nooooo are you fucking kidding me?! That should have knocked the eighth one down as well!" Gordon exclaimed, hands in his hair as he watched the seven pins being knocked down and leaving two pins that were quite a distance apart. He marched over to the bowling balls and picked up another. "This is a load of shit."

"Gordon has no luck," Piers commented to the Dark wizards with a grin.

"Leaving two pins over is bad?" Dolph asked incredulously.

"Well it isn't ideal for the overall scores later on," Dennis explained. "The best you can get is a strike. That means you knock all the pins down in one go."

"Anything less than that is kinda shit," Malcolm added bluntly.

"So why do it?" Dolph inquired with a snort.

"For a laugh, and to try and beat each other's scores," Dudley answered honestly. "There isn't much more to it than that, sir."

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"

Dudley grinned. "And as you can see, Gordon only managed to get one of the pins and not the other."

"To be fair, the other one was practically impossible to hit," Rabastan pointed out.

"Still fucking sucks!" Gordon grumbled.

Rabastan chuckled at his indignation. He then turned back to look at his confused friends, who had decided to take up the lanes next to Dudley and his mates' lane. "Do you think you boys have a moment to help us set up? Tyler knows some things but we would appreciate some more assistance."

"I'll do it," Malcolm quickly volunteered. "I'm going last anyway!"

Dudley could barely contain his amusement as he watched Malcolm casually go from one group of dangerous Dark wizards to the other, helping to install the guard rails on the lanes for some of the kids and the Dark wizards as well as make sure the names were put into the machines properly. Dudley noticed that one of the more hairy men – he thought this was perhaps Fenrir – was being whacked around the head by one of the women, who was glaring daggers at him for almost growling at Malcolm.

"YEEEES! GET IN THERE!"

Piers was pleased with his strike.

Dudley rolled his eyes as he stepped up with one of the green bowling balls. "The old lady at the other end of London does not need to hear you, Piers!"

"Yeah, yeah, just try and beat that, Big D!"

Dudley hoped and prayed to whatever god or entity decided to listen for a decent shot – one fricking pin left over!

"Damn it!" Dudley couldn't help but grumble.

"Come on, Big D! You can hit that!" Dennis encouraged easily.

Dudley paused for a moment to assess the angle for a moment before making the shot. It looked set to miss but the ball did managed to knock the pin over by hitting its sides and making it loose its balance!

"Whooohoo! Well done mister!" one of the young girl werewolves cheered, clapping.

"Izzy, come away!" one of the older wolves called. "Leave the boys to their own game. It is your turn soon anyway."

Izzy pouted a little at this.

"It's all right, sir. She can watch if she wants," Gordon reassured easily.

Very quickly, their food arrived. Malcolm ignored the fact it was his turn to pay attention to the grub instead, which made his friends roll their eyes. Typical! It also gave them a moment to observe the Dark Side much more carefully. There were those who quickly got the hang of the game and were starting to enjoy themselves. There were those who were playing because their lives seemed to depend on it. And of course, there were those who made no effort to disguise that they didn't want to play the game and put zero effort into their throws.

A few of them earned kicks to the shins from Izzy and the other young wolves for that. Unfortunately, it seemed that some of them were not taking the hint, because after getting a good kick from one of the young boys, one of the Death Munchers launched into a tirade.

"Stupid boy! I do not want to do this and no one can make me like it. This game is stupid!"

"You're stupid, Amy, and yet we put up with you, so play the damn game!"

"I have better ways to spend my own birthday, Antonin!"

"Oh do you really? Like what? Weeding Lucy's garden and crying in a corner?"

"You're forgetting sulking, Antonin."

"Shut it, Walden, no one asked you anything!"

"Well, no one asked you to be a permanent misery guts, and yet you insist on keeping it up. Even Alecto is giving the game a try. The kids too are behaving. Izzy and her friends are more mature than you!"

"Anyone is more mature than Amy."

"Stay out of it, Basti!"

"You're being ungrateful, Amy! At least we get to go out of the Manor today for a good reason. I say enjoy the fact you can just be out for a bit instead of complaining so incessantly. I already can't wait to see what the boy gives Dolph for his birthday."

"Brat, shut up – no I am not interested in hearing what you have planned already! After today I want to pretend that today did not happen! I will not have you give me more of a headache than you and the girls already cause me."

"I do too! Dolph's birthday should be magnificent. You as well, Mr. Mupples? Yes, I thought so! Hehehehehehehehehehehe!"

Bloody hell, Dudley couldn't help but comment internally. He had heard a bit about how crazy Bellatrix Lestrange was from Harry and his mates, but he didn't think even her laugh would be as manic as that!

"I am not," Rodolphus stated candidly, looking dark as he took his turn to bowl. "No doubt the boy has something even more wicked in mind, considering how close my birthday is to Halloween."

"Yaaaaaay, Rodolphus gets double the sweeties!" the kids cheered.

"Most of which are wasted on him," Fenrir commented.

"Well, they're wasted on you too, Mr. Grumpy Guts," one of the older wolves teased.

The bickering and the playing continued for a little while longer. As if Dudley and his mates could not be surprised further, suddenly they heard an exclamation from the Death Munchers that made them jump so much, it caused Dennis to throw completely off and the ball rolled feebly to the side, missing all the pins.

"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE! NO, NO, NO, NO, AS IF THIS DAY CANNOT GET ANY WORSE!"

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING DARK AND MAGICAL ARE THEY DOING HERE?!"

"HARRY, IS THIS YOUR DOING?!"

"YES, MR. MUPPLES, THE OLD COOT DOES ENJOY RUINING ALL OF OUR FUN!"

"WHY IN THE HELL DID I LEAVE MY AXE AT HOME?!"

Dudley and his friends – including a very disgruntled Dennis – turned to look at what the Death Munchers were staring at. At the entrance, were more wizards. That was obvious from the weird clothes. Their leader was a very old man with a long beard and ridiculously colourful robes, looking way too happy to be there. There was a guy completely dressed in black with black hair that came to his shoulders. The woman amongst them looked old, though not as old as the weird robe guy, her hair in a neat bun and wearing relatively normal looking clothes. There was a really small man amongst them, also looking very excited. The other woman looked like a hippie; that was the only way Dudley could describe her without sounding too rude. There was also a young woman with pink hair and Steampunk clothes, a dark skinned man in awesome blue robes and a badly scarred man with a weird eye and a massive walking stick and trench coat.

Dudley suddenly realised he recognised at least one of them: Professor Dumbledore, the Headmaster of the magic school. So this was the second group Harry wanted him to book for the bowling alley!

This realisation made the boy smirk to himself. This had his diabolical cousin's name all over it!

Piers recognised that look in his best mate's eyes all too well. "I take that 'our friend' has had something to do with this?" he asked slyly.

"I think we can safely say yeah he did," Dudley confirmed with a chuckle. "This should be good."

"Shall I go and buy some popcorn?" Gordon grinned.

Dudley was about to answer when the strange wizard professors decided to set up at the lane on their right, which now meant that he and his mates were literally in between the Death Munchers and Harry's teachers. Dudley would have been scared witless but Dumbledore looked so excited at the prospect of playing this game that he found himself snickering instead of worrying about being in some kind of magical firefight.

"Yes, Mr. Mupples, Cousin Dora is here! Shall we say hello in a minute? … You think Corban should get to say hello first?"

"What are you doing here, Dumbledore? Don't you have children to babysssit?" Voldemort sneered.

"Good afternoon to you too, Tom! The children are in excellent care, I assure you," Dumbledore answered brightly, still concentrating on putting the names into the system. "But thank you for asking! And as for why we are here, we are here to bowl, of course. I do enjoy some ten-pin bowling and someone was kind enough to gift me a session with a few friends."

"Unfortunately," muttered the dark, dower man, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but there.

"Hello, Sevvy," Antonin smirked. "I didn't know you liked bowling!"

"I do not," the dower man glowered at the Russian Death Muncher. "I was blackmailed into coming."

The dwarf-sized man started snorting. "Oh do not be such a sour cat, Severus! You were not blackmailed. I simply said that I would tell Mr. Potter and his friends that you refused to spend some time having fun so that they could … help you have fun!"

"That is the very definition of blackmail, Filius!"

"Oh do not be such a drama queen," the shirt wizard huffed good-naturedly. Dudley decided he liked him already. It really was a pity he couldn't introduce himself without getting angry Death Munchers and werewolves hellbent on either torturing him or turning him into their lunch.

"You're asking him not to breathe!" one of the Death Munchers – Dudley guessed it was perhaps Lysander Avery but he wasn't entirely sure – could not help but comment with a smirk.

Fenrir glared at the Hogwarts staff. "Do your precious staff even know how to play the game, Dumbledore?" the Alpha sneered.

"Minerva, Tonks and Filius do; Severus, Kingsley, Alastor and Sybil are learning," Dumbledore informed jovially. "I didn't know you could play, Fenrir! So it is true what they say. We learn something every day!"

Fenrir flushed a little as some of the younger wolves giggled. "Yes, I know how to play! You have to keep young wolves occupied somehow and hunts usually bore them, especially when the prey doesn't … run."

Fenrir smirked rather unnervingly at this point.

"He's weird," Piers could not help but comment out loud, causing Gordon, Dennis and Malcolm to whack him around the head simultaneously as Fenrir glared directly at him. A few of Dumbledore's friends were openly smirking at the comment.

Fortunately Dumbledore lightened the atmosphere slightly as he chuckled heartily. "Ah, Fenrir! You still have the same old sense of humour. I was rather worried that would wear with old age-"

"EXCUSE ME?! I AM NOT OLD!"

"-but I am so glad that I was mistake in this case! Now, how about instead of verbally jousting, we have a friendly sparring match in a different way?" Dudley had no idea if that twinkle in the man's eyes was a good thing or a bad thing, but he had a funny feeling that he was about to find out!

"A bowling contests, Dumbledore?" Voldemort sneered. "You are that confident in your abilitiesss, are you?"

"Well I am fairly certain both Minerva and myself do have some experience that trumps yours, Tom," Dumbledore smiled serenely.

Bellatrix and Mr. Mupples did not take too kindly to that. "We will wipe that smirk off your face, old man! Yes, Mr. Mupples, we will teach him to be this arrogant ever again! Especially since he has not handed over that filthy sneak thief yet!"

"I am afraid I have lost track of Mundungus," Dumbledore sighed. "Anyway, are some of you game, or not?"

"Can we join in too?" Piers once again earned himself a whack around the head from his friends for opening up his big mouth.

"Lovely!" Dumbledore lit up even further, if that was even possible. "Three teams! This should be fun!"

"It will not!"

"SHUT UP, AMY!"

"Are all of you telling me that you agree with Albus bloody Dumbledore?!"

"No, we are taking the challenge because we want to kick his decrepit butt, not because it is fun!" Rodolphus stated firmly.

"Well, it is a little fun."

"No one asked you, Antonin!"

Antonin snorted. "You were having fun, Dolph, don't you lie to me!"

"Well, my fun has been ruined now!"

Tonks chuckled at this. "So this is why Death Munchers have sour faces so often. They allow positively anything to ruin their mood!"

Rodolphus rounded on her. "Thank you for that, Niece!"

"Just calling it as I see it, Uncle Dolph!" Tonks smirked. "Unless of course you fear the prospect of being beaten by your half-blood niece!"

That really ignited a nasty glint in the eyes of the Death Muncher. "I will make you regret your words!"

Tonks chuckled happily. "We'll see about that!"

"I think the challenge isss accepted, Dumbledore," Voldemort hissed, eyes glowing an ominous red that Dudley was rather glad he was the only one who noticed out of his mates, because they were too preoccupied with watching the verbal tennis match between the two sides.

Dumbledore beamed. "Wonderful! Given that the young gentlemen in between us have five amongst them, I say we play teams of five. Who will you pick?"

Voldemort looked to the Dark Side, all of whom suddenly stood to attention. "Reed, Rabastan, Izzy, Beynon and Holland."

Bellatrix and Mr. Mupples visibly pouted at not being picked. "Don't worry, Mr. Mupples, we will get them next time!"

"Bella, you and Mr. Mupples have both not gotten strikes yet!" Narcissa pointed out in exasperation. "Those five have! We want to have a chance of winning, do we not?"

Bellatrix was still not happy. "Fine. Come on, Mr. Mupples, we will go and buy some food."

"We will go with you!" another Death Muncher and a few of the adolescent wolves volunteered immediately.

"We are really doing this, aren't we?" Dennis was suddenly very pale.

"Yep! So you had better grab as many lucky colours as you can," Gordon stated with a smirk.

"Lovely! Minerva, Tonks, Filius, Kingsley and myself will bowl for our team," Dumbledore decided.

Severus Snape pinched the bridge of his nose at this; Alastor Moody facepalmed while some of the Death Munchers and werewolves snickered.

"And the winner gets what?" Jugson sneered.

"Third place has to buy the winner's food," Malcolm's stomach decided to do the talking for him. He definitely earned that whack around the head, in Dudley's opinion.

Both Light and Dark grinned at this – it seemed the agreement had been made. Bugger.

"Well boys, let's not screw this up," Piers stated wryly. "Malcolm, you're a fucking melon!"

Malcolm had the decency to look a little sheepish.

"Doesn't matter now. Let's just win this thing," Dudley stated.

And let's hope that these bloody wizards don't use their damn magic to cheat! he could not help but think to himself.

Round one was Tyler Reed versus Dennis versus Tonks. Dudley hated to admit it but the werewolf Beta was pretty good. He almost got a strike! Dennis fortunately matched that and got the last pin too. Tonks first assessed the pins before throwing – and did get a strike despite seemingly putting zero effort into actually aiming.

"Corban, why didn't you tell us that your lady-friend can bowl?!"

"Avior, she is not my lady-friend!"

"Why are you blushing then?"

"Walden, no one asked you anything!"

Though Tonks was almost as pink as her hair, but looked extremely pleased with herself. Bellatrix and her entourage returned at this point. "Food will come soon. Who is winning so far?" she asked eagerly.

"Our niece has put Team Light in the lead," Rodolphus growled.

Bellatrix looked conflicted. "Yes, Mr. Mupples, well done Dora – but still! We need to win!"

Battle two was Rabastan versus Gordon versus the funny short wizard named Filius. Dudley really prayed to Jesus, Thor and even any other god who would listen for a bloody miracle because Gordon's bad luck was just legendary and Dudley was not planning on paying food for a bunch of wizards, especially ones who wanted people like him dead for breathing!

Rabastan took the first shot – the lucky bastard got a strike, much to the jubilation of the Dark Side! That just annoyed Dudley even more. Thus, when it was Gordon's turn, he went into his Coach Mode, as his mates tended to call the mood.

"Focus, Gordon. Do not rush the throw!" he instructed.

Gordon tried not to smirk. "Yes, sir!"

Dudley had never been so nervous for Gordon making a throw in his life, not even in a rugby game. True Gordon had more than enough aggression to make all doubt be thrown out of the window, but still. Piers, Dennis and Malcolm were all visibly praying as well as the ball was sent tumbling down the alley lane.

Dudley could barely breathe until the ball crashed into the pins – one looked precariously unstable and he barely could exhale when the pin finally too crashed down. Strike! Just!

"Well thank fuck for that!" Gordon could barely believe it himself.

Filius took a pretty decent shot – Dudley was rather surprised the man didn't get flung into the air with the decent amount of power he put into throwing the ball – but he got left with two pins, which made him scowl.

"Marczak the Destroyer!" Filius exclaimed angrily as he went back for the second ball.

The frustration did put some extra power into the throw so Dudley was almost sorry for the pins as the ball crashed into one, which sent the pin spinning into its friend that was left standing – not that the short wizard noticed. He had already gone back to the benches, not looking too happy.

The trend continued the entire competition. At one point the Death Munchers were in the lead, mostly due to Izzy and Beynon, but very quickly Dudley and his mates got the upper hand and then Dumbledore just had to even the score across the board so they had to do yet another round in order to see who could actually be declared the winner.

Much to Dudley's delight, Piers bagged it for their team!

Neither Light nor Dark was too happy about this though.

"Bloody hell so close!"

"I knew that one pin would come biting us in the behind!"

"Waaaaaaaa it was my faaaaaaauuuult! We lost because I couldn't hit the last piiiiiiin!"

"No, no, Izzy don't be silly!"

"OK, I take it back – this was the best idea ever," Malcolm commented as they watched the emotional carnage unfold.

"Yeah, I do think we should share our food though. Let's not have angry weirdoes leave this place," Gordon added.

Dudley and the others could only nod in agreement. They soon were dying of laughter because the bowling alley staff started bringing over a birthday cake, looking extremely pleased with themselves, for Alecto and Amycus Carrow with half the bowling alley singing Happy Birthday.

##########################################################################

"BAH! I HATE BOWLING!"

"No, you hate that we lost, Fenrir, that is something completely different!"

"I still can't believe we lost to a bunch of idiotic teenaged Muggles!"

"Shut up, Amy!"

*Yes, you were not the one turned into a stuffed animal and forced not to make a sound so as not to scare away the Muggle walkers!* Thalia added indignantly. *And also forced to pass on the cake because of it!*

*Nagini wanted a slice of that cake!* Nagini was just as indignant.

It was safe to say that when Voldemort, the Death Eaters and the werewolves returned to Malfoy Manor, no one was in a particularly good mood. All of them had the inclination to shut themselves away in their rooms for the rest of the day and take a nice long hot bath in order to try and forget that they were forced to put up with Dumbledore and the Order of Flaming Chickens as well as five strange Muggle boys.

Unfortunately, it seemed that the Fates decided that none of them had felt enough emotional and mental pain to satisfy them because as soon as the group was back, Nansi, Marrow and several other elves immediately appeared with a sharp CRACK! each. The elves looked set to faint, especially Nansi, who was covered already in self-inflicted bruises.

"Nansi is sorry Master and Mistress – Nansi tried to tell them-"

"-Nansi let the Muggles in again Master with no one home! Muggles brought silly stuff again! Marrow told Nansi not to do it!-"

"-bad elves have been skipping duties to jump on it, Master! As have some of Lord Voldey-mort's men!-"

The wizards' heads were soon starting to hurt and the werewolves had their hands over their ears at all the incessant squeaking and crying.

"ALL RIGHT, PIPE DOWN!" Travers snapped. "WE CAN'T UNDERSTAND A SINGLE THING YOU'RE SAYING!"

"Mr. Mupples, you are talking too fast! Slow down!"

"The Muggies were back with their weird stuff!" the elves chorused. "Nansi let them in! They put weird bouncy buildings in the garden!"

This made every single person exchange a quick look, turn quite pale, and race towards the Malfoys' stately back garden as fast as their legs could carry them. They practically ripped the glass doors off their hinges as they did so and it was safe to say that all mouths hit the ground when their eyes caught sight of the latest unsightly view that they were forced to take in.

Two gigantic, plastic, juvenile looking bouncy things – one in the shape of spooky castle that was not dissimilar to Hogwarts or even Malfoy Manor and the other shaped as a gigantic T-Rex – took up large patched of ground, one to the left of the garden and the other to the right. Balloons had been put up – rainbow coloured ones – and there were low rank Death Eaters unabashedly jumping up and down on these ridiculous contrivances. Teddy Ruxpin was amongst them.

The young werewolves could barely contain their excitement as they recovered first. "BOUNCY CASTLES!"

They were gone in less than two seconds, practically leaving the adults in the dust.

Amycus and Alecto recovered quickly too and both of them started crying in absolute despair, losing the will to live. "WHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY UUUUUUUUUS?!"

"I don't think the little old lady living at the other end of Wiltshire heard you."

"SHUT UP, RABASTAN!"

*Hey, leave Rabastan out of it! Just because you two insist on being miserable on your own hatching day – hey, Nagini, what do you think is the name for bouncing Death Eater?*

Everyone braced themselves.

*No idea, Thalia, tell Nagini!*

*A Death Jumper!*

"I reiterate, can we turn the translator off?" Jugson begged.

"Ralston, don't be mean! Yes, Mr. Mupples, we can go to the big bouncy Rexy. I can ask, yes – Thalia, Nagini, would you like to come with Mr. Mupples to the big bouncy Rexy?"

*Sure! Thalia is a little disappointed it isn't a big bouncy Dippy though! Or a big Nessie – can you imagine the trick you can play on the Muggle walkers? 'Nessie Sighted In Manor Back Garden – Nessie Was Taking a Holiday!*

Lucius was making some concerning noises as his sister-in-law left with her plushie and the two snakes. "My father is going to kill me …"

"Spirits can't kill other spirits," Augustus pointed out.

"Abraxas would find a way," Balthazar stated grimly.

"Absssolutely," Voldemort agreed readily. "He'sss petty enough for it!"

With that, Lucius, Amycus and Alecto went wailing all the way to the alcohol cupboard.

##########################################################################

I am so not sorry, Alecto and Amycus! I hope you hated your birthday – I loved making you suffer! *Laughs evilly and then coughs* Anyway, stay tuned because in the next chapter you get to see Melpomene and the Slytherins be a little mean to Ron, Luna and Ron team up with Dobby and Kreacher to continue spying on Draco, the aftermath of the article and Harry making a few new schemes with the help of Nagini!

Oh boy this week has been a torrent of lightning and hail, and not in a good way! I am sorry that this chapter is so late but I ran into some real life difficulties and the first draft of the chapter was just a big trough of pig shite and I wasn't satisfied with it so I decided to make some changes here and there. I do apologise, but I refuse to release a chapter into the cyberspace unless I am utterly and completely satisfied with it.

I want to thank the reviewers who suggested Dumbledore and Muggles show up. I decided it was safer to go with Dudley and his friends instead of some of the drivers because Dudley could in theory recognise some of the names and faces by description. I don't remember precisely who it was – there were at least two of you – but thank you nonetheless!

I don't think I have done a disclaimer in a while so I will do one now: I do not own any of these characters. I am simply building a mad sandcastle in the sandbox that belongs to J.K. Rowling.

Thank you all of my loyal readers and reviewers and if any of you are new, I welcome you heartily and hope you enjoy my work!

See you in the next moment of madness!

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