Chapter 4

Recovery

After a few days Severus was moved from the Intensive Care Unit to the postoperative ward. After a transfusion of three units of blood, his blood values started to rise and doctors believed that soon they would return to normal levels. The surgical wound was healing nicely, showing no signs of infection. Severus' broken nose had been set properly and heavily bandaged and there was nothing more to do but wait until it healed on its own. The bleeding from his rectum quickly stopped on its own and the doctor assessed that there was no damage to the muscles and the internal wounds would heal completely in no time. There was nothing the doctors could do for the many bruises, welts and cuts that marred Severus' body and the boy had to wait until they faded with time.

Doctor Shepard thoroughly examined Severus and found that the boy was slightly malnourished, his height and body weight well below average. The dietician composed a balanced diet with essential nutrients which would allow Severus' body to regain its strength and reach its full potential. The doctor also ordered blood tests to check the boy for syphilis and any other sexually transmitted diseases.

Physically, Severus was on the road to full recovery. His mental health, however, was on a path so twisted, it couldn't be mapped.

Severus was sitting in the bed, propped up by pillows. Noises and smells from the corridor indicated that soon he would get his lunch. He looked at the big tree through his window that overlooked the hospital's garden. It was a beech tree. Grand where it stood, even bigger than the one in Hogwarts. The soft wind was swaying its leaves; the birds were singing merrily in the branches.

The door opened and Severus quickly turned his head to see who visited him. A nurse came in, with a tray in her hands. She was a bit older than his mum and had a beautiful smile that seemed to be a new source of brightness in his little room.

"Hello, Severus. I brought you lunch," she said and put the tray on the bedside table. The boy glanced at the food and his mouth instantly watered. He was starving.

"How are you feeling?" she asked kindly, taking a small folding table from under the bed.

"A bit tired."

"Anything hurts?"

Severus shook his head.

"That's good. You're still on the strong painkillers but the doctor wants to discontinue them and give you something milder." She unfolded the table and placed it on the bed, over Severus' legs. Then she put the tray on it. "The painkiller you've been given in the morning will soon stop working. Take this medicine during your lunch." She pointed to the small glass with the white pill in it. "It's a weak painkiller, the doctor thinks that it should be enough to manage the pain. But if you still feel any pain while on it, let us know, okay?"

Severus nodded. He took the fork, eager to eat his lunch.

"Slowly," the nurse said, smiling. "It's your first meal after the surgery. You should eat slowly and in small portions. Eat only as much as you can. You can eat the rest later."

Severus nodded, already putting a fork full of mashed potatoes in his mouth. The nurse smiled once more and left the room. Severus ate eagerly, it was his first real meal since the dinner at the Evans' house. But the nurse was right and soon he felt full and slightly nauseous. Not wanting to get sick and waste good food, he put the tray with food on the bedside table to eat it later. He folded the table and hid it under the bed. Feeling a bit tired, he lay down and promptly fell asleep.

A few hours later, Severus was reading a superhero comic from the hospital's small library. At first, he grimaced when he saw what books and comics the nurse had brought him. However, his boredom outgrew his initial hesitation so he took the first comic from the pile and started reading. It was a bit stupid but at least it was fun and let him escape his reality, if only for a while.

There was a short knock and a moment later the door opened. Severus looked up and saw Lily's father.

"May I come in?" he asked.

"Yes, of course," Severus said and put away the comic.

Richard Evans closed the door and sat down on the chair beside Severus' bed, cautious in his movements.

"How are you feeling?"

Severus shrugged. "Alright, I guess. Considering the circumstances."

"I spoke with your doctor. He said that you should make a full recovery."

The boy nodded and looked down at his folded hands. "Do you know everything?" he asked in a small voice.

Richard looked sadly at the boy. "Yes, I know what your father did. When I found you and saw what state you were in, I had a strong suspicion. The doctor confirmed it after you came out of surgery."

Severus blushed. "Does Lily know?"

"No, I didn't tell her. I thought it was not my place and you should decide if and when to tell her. Maybe she suspects something, but I'm not sure."

Severus looked up at Mr Evans with gratitude. "Thank you for saving my life. Doctor Shepard said that if you hadn't found me in time, I would have bled to death."

"It's Lily who saved your life. She went to visit you and when she was near your house, she heard you screaming. She ran for me and we got to your house just as your father left. When we found you, we immediately called the ambulance."

"I'll thank her when I see her next."

"She wants to visit you tonight. Are you okay with it?"

"Yes, of course. I can't wait to see her."

Richard was silent for a moment. Then he got closer to Severus and took his hand in his. The boy looked at him in surprise but didn't pull away.

"Severus," Mr Evans whispered. Astonished, Severus saw tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry for what happened. I'm sorry that we didn't do anything earlier to help you."

"It's- it's not your fault," Severus stammered. "You have nothing to apologise for."

"Lily told us about her suspicions that your father was abusing you. Of course we believed her but we didn't know how to help you. We called the social work but that wasn't enough. We should have done more." Mr Evans stood up and started walking beside Severus' bed. "We shouldn't have let you go back home after that dinner a few days ago."

"I wouldn't have stayed. You would have to keep me by force," Severus said truthfully. "And the social worker visited us. On that day, a lady from social work came but father threw her out. That's why he was so angry that he beat me and..." Severus hung his head.

"We should have seen the signs. We should have taken action earlier. Maybe then none of this would have happened. Oh, Severus, why didn't you tell us? We would have done anything to protect you."

Severus became fixated with his fingernails. He murmured: "I was too ashamed, too stubborn and scared."

"Did your father threaten you?"

Severus nodded. "He said that if I told anyone he would keep me in the house forever and won't let me return to Hogwarts. I decided to keep quiet and survive these two months."

Richard sat down in the chair. "Severus, you don't have to be afraid anymore," he said. "Your father won't hurt you."

Severus looked up at Lily's father. There was incredulity in his eyes but also a glint of hope.

"He was arrested just a few hours after we found you," Richard continued. "After the ambulance took you, I called the police and Lily and I told them everything we knew. I have a friend in the police and he told me that they had managed to arrest your father soon after. Yesterday, my wife and Petunia also testified and I believe the police will want to talk to your doctors and social workers as well. To you also, of course. Someone will come when the doctor deems you strong enough."

"My father is in jail?" Severus asked. There was an excitement in his voice which he didn't even try to hide.

"Yes, he'll be there until his trial. He's charged with rape, severe assault which almost resulted in your death, child abuse and negligence. According to my friend, he'll get no less than ten years in prison. Maybe more, but it all depends now on your testimony, Severus. Tell the police everything, alright? Don't be ashamed or afraid. He won't be able to harm you."

"I will," Severus said. "So, when he comes out of prison, I'll be of age. I will never have to see him again." Severus smiled.

"You won't," Richard confirmed. "And after what he did to you, he will probably be deprived of parental rights."

Severus' smile vanished. "But- until I'm eighteen- what will happen to me? I have no other relatives."

"Your grandparents?"

"All dead, and I don't have any aunts, uncles or cousins. Does it mean that I'll go to the orphanage?" Severus felt tears welling in his eyes and he quickly blinked a few times to get rid of them.

"You won't go to the orphanage," Richard said firmly. Severus looked at him with hope.

"No?"

"Instead of staying in the child care home, you can stay with a foster family. It's not an adoption, the foster parents don't have any legal authority over the child. All legal decisions are made by the state, but the foster family cares for the child on a day-to-day basis."

"But who-?"

"Laura and I submitted an application to become a foster family for you," Richard interrupted the boy. "We hope that the court will quickly consider it positively and you will be discharged from the hospital straight to our home. After what you went through you shouldn't be placed in an institution. And after the major surgery you will need special care and frequent check-ups. It's almost impossible to provide that in the orphanage."

"I will stay with you?" Severus asked incredulously.

"Only if you want to. We won't force you. It's your decision."

"Of course I want to! Why wouldn't I?" Once again, Severus' eyes welled with tears but this time of joy. "I can't believe it! You really want me to live with you?" He was still weak but the happiness he felt was visible.

"Of course we do," Richard smiled. "We want you to be happy and safe. We want to give you the best life we can. Lily can't wait for you to move in. She's already started to arrange the guest room for you. Petunia is happy too."

"Thank you. Thank you so much!"

And Severus did something he never thought he would do. He embraced Lily's father and buried his face in his shoulder. Richard closed his arms around him, careful not to jostle his wounds. He gently brushed his fingers through Severus' black hair.

For the first time in his life, Severus felt safe in the arms of an adult man. He didn't bother to hold back his tears and let them run freely. Soon all his emotional barriers broke down and the initial tears of happiness were joined by tears of sorrow, grief and anger. He let it all out, feeling the cleansing effect of his own tears wash over.

"It's okay," Richard patted his head. "All will be fine. You're safe now."

After a few minutes Severus calmed down and moved away from Richard's embrace. He accepted a handkerchief from him, blew his nose and wiped his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice slightly horse from tears.

"Don't be. I'm here for you, every time you need me."

"Thank you. I'm so grateful. You've done so much for me. I'll never be able to repay you."

Richard looked dismayed. "Severus, you don't have to repay us anything. You're like a son to me and Laura. We don't expect anything in return from you just as we don't expect anything from our daughters. We care for you all because we love you."

"I love you all too," Severus said. He loved Lily's parents for a long time but never had courage to admit his attachment.

Richard smiled and put his hand on Severus'. "Why don't you rest? I'll tell Lily to visit you tomorrow."

"No, I'd like to see her today. I'm not that tired. And I need to tell her everything."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, she deserves to know. I can't hide it from her any longer. Besides, she already has her suspicions."

Richard nodded. "Alright, take a nap and I'll tell Lily to visit you in a few hours. Laura is preparing a package for you with fruits, snacks, some clothes and cosmetics. Lily will bring it along. Do you need anything else?"

"Maybe a book? I got some from the ward's library but they are all either pretty stupid or too childish."

Richard took the comic from the bedside table. His face lit up with excitement.

"It's Batman! It's not stupid," he said, affronted. "It's the best comic ever. I read it all the time when I was your age. You should give it a try."

Severus smiled but wasn't too convinced.

"You really should," Richard insisted. "I have boxes full of my old comics in the attic. I'll ask Lily to bring you some."

"Sure," Severus relented. "But- if you don't mind- I'd be grateful if she brings a book as well."

Richard laughed. "Of course, don't worry. I don't want to force you to read something you don't like. But once you read stories with Joker, I'm sure you'll love it!"

As promised, Lily visited Severus in the evening, bringing with her a big package full of sweets, fruits, clothes and other useful things.

"I also brought you some books," she said, putting a few books on the bedside table. "I haven't read them yet but Petunia says they're very good. And Batman comics," she sighed. "Dad insisted. I tried to persuade him that you don't like these kinds of stories, but he was stubborn. He never did manage to interest Petunia and me with comics. I guess now he hopes that you'll share his passion."

"Thank you," Severus said, smiling. "Thank Petunia and your dad on my behalf. I promised him that I'd give Batman a chance."

He opened a bar of chocolate and offered some to Lily.

"Are you allowed to eat sweets yet?" Lily asked apprehensively. "Mum put a lot of sweets in the package but I'm not sure you should eat them so soon after the surgery."

"Don't worry, I asked the doctor and he said that I can eat whatever I want."

"Great," said Lily and took a piece of chocolate. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better. My nose and stomach still hurt a bit but I'm feeling better and stronger with each passing day."

"That's wonderful to hear. I was so scared when we found you on that day. I thought that you were-" Lily's eyes misted with tears.

"Lily, I'm alright," Severus said quickly, taking her hand. "I'm fine and that's because of you. You saved my life. You and your father. I'm eternally grateful for that."

Lily nodded, smiling, though tears were dripping from her eyes.

"Don't cry, please," Severus whispered and gently wiped the tears from her cheek.

"I was so scared. I'd never been so afraid in my life. And I'm so sorry that I didn't do anything sooner."

"But you did," Severus objected. "You wanted to help me and it's me who didn't let you. I know that you talked with your parents about my situation and your worries and that you notified the social worker."

"But that wasn't enough. Your father still hurt you. He could have killed you!" Lily continued on as she gripped Severus' hand harder. "And on that day- I was walking to your house, I wanted to visit you because you weren't answering my messages, and when I neared your house-" she paused for a second and looked away. "I heard your screams. I ran for my dad but I should have- I should have barged into your house and stopped your father. Maybe then he wouldn't have hurt you so much."

Severus paled when he realised what Lily would have seen if she had entered the house at that moment.

"No, Lily, you did the right thing," he reassured her. "Getting your father to help you was the best thing you could have done. If you had tried to stop my father, you would have been hurt as well. He's much stronger than both of us. And if you had used the magic, you would've been expelled or arrested."

"I know," Lily sniffed. "My dad said the same. But still I feel that I should have done more. That all this is somehow my fault."

"No!" Severus said and tugged Lily's arm. "Come here." He moved a bit and Lily sat down on the bed next to him. He put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her closer to himself. "None of this is your fault. Not in the slightest. It's mainly my father's fault. And a bit of mine."

"Yours? Severus, you did nothing wrong. You're a victim, don't blame yourself."

He looked down at her with sadness. "I could have asked for help. I should have accepted your help when you offered it. You and your family were ready to help me and I rejected it."

"Why?"

"I was too proud. I thought I was strong enough to endure all of it until we were to go back to school. I didn't want to burden anyone with my problems."

"Your problems are my problems," Lily said with passion.

Severus looked lovingly at her and smiled. "And I was too afraid," he continued. "My father had threatened that he wouldn't let me go back to school if I told anyone." He paused and took a deep breath. "And after what he did to me, I was far too ashamed to tell anyone. Even you."

Lily frowned. She knew that Severus' father beat him since they were children. Why was he ashamed of something she already knew about? It made her feel that there was more to the story. "What did he do?" she whispered, scared of the answer.

"He- he-" Severus stammered.

Lily looked at him. She saw a haunted look in his black eyes. "Severus?" she prompted gently.

"God, it's so hard to talk about," Severus sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "He- my father-" he took a deep breath and whispered: "He raped me."

Lily gasped. She hadn't expected that. For a moment she froze, shocked, then she threw her arms around Severus, as if she wanted to protect him from all the evils of the world. He buried his face in her hair and clutched desperately to her shoulders. He didn't weep, not a single tear fell from his eyes. Lily suspected he had already shed them all. However, she was crying enough for both of them.

After a while she withdrew from the embrace, enough to look at her boyfriend.

"I'm so sorry," she muttered. "I'm so sorry that this happened to you. What your father did is despicable. I can't understand how anyone can do something like that to their child."

"He never treated me like his son."

"And I'm so sorry that I didn't notice anything." Severus opened his mouth to interrupt her but she hushed him and continued: "Well, I noticed, I saw that you didn't want to kiss me or touch me, that you flinched when touched, but I never thought that those habits could be because of... rape."

"I didn't want you to notice anything," Severus explained. "I was embarrassed, I didn't want anyone to know for that matter."

"Your father is the one who should be ashamed. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"I know. I understand that it's not my fault, that I couldn't do anything to prevent this. He was too strong and threatened me, I was afraid that he'd kill me if I tried to fight or resist him. But there's this tiny voice in my head, repeating what my father always says: that I'm weak, broken, that somehow I deserved all this."

"No!" Lily exclaimed. "No, Severus, you mustn't think that! That's not true. You're not weak, you're the strongest person I know. You didn't do anything to deserve any of what your father did to you."

"Rationally I know that and most of the time I'm fine but sometimes-" he paused and looked at Lily, then hung his head. "Sometimes I have those thoughts, sometimes I wonder if my father is right. I can't help it."

"I'm here. I won't leave you." Lily took Severus' face in her hands and forced him to look at her. "Whenever you need me, whenever you have those thoughts and want to talk, I'll be with you."

"I know. I love you." He kissed her, forgetting for a short moment about his problems.

"Who else knows?" Lily asked when the kiss ended.

"Your father. I didn't tell him, he concluded himself after you found me."

"He didn't want me to see," Lily realised. "He told me to phone the ambulance. And later, when we were talking with your doctor, at one point he asked me to leave the office. They must have talked about that and didn't want me to know."

"Yes, I'm glad he didn't tell you. I think it's better that I told you myself. Coming back to your question, my doctor obviously knows, and I guess your mother."

"Yes, probably she does. My father tells her everything."

Lily rested her head on Severus' shoulder. For a while they sat in silence, taking comfort from each other. Then a terrible thought occurred to Lily.

"Severus," she said, sitting up straight and looking intently at him. He gazed at her, surprised by her sudden change of mood. "When did it start?"

At first, he didn't know what she was talking about. "You mean..."

"Your father. When was the first time he raped you?"

"Two weeks after we'd returned from Hogwarts."

"This summer?"

"Yes."

Lily sighed in relief. Severus understood what she'd been fearing.

"Oh God! Lily, no," he said quickly. "He hadn't done it in previous years. He started this summer. One day he returned from work, frustrated at his boss. He was angry and drunk and beating me wasn't enough for him. So he raped me. Later he did it a few more times, including the day you found me."

"How many times?" Lily asked with tears in her eyes.

"I don't remember," Severus lied. He remembered perfectly every single time.

"I'm so sorry," Lily said, embracing Severus once more. "I know I've said it already but I'm so sorry that I wasn't with you then. That you had to go through this alone."

"I'm not alone now." Severus smiled.

"Yes, I'm here, I'll always be here. If you want to talk, about anything, or just want to sit in silence together, just let me know."

Severus stroked Lily's hair. "I know, sweetheart. And I'm here for you too. This whole situation must be hard for you as well."

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Lily kissed Severus' cheek. "I can't wait till you live with us."

Severus smiled broadly when he remembered that he'd be living with Lily and her family. "I still can't believe it," he said. "I feel like I'm dreaming. I'm afraid I'm going to wake up anytime and return to my father."

"You're not dreaming. It's all real. We're arranging the guest room for you. Dad bought new furniture and mum is making new curtains. Once you're home, we're going shopping to buy you everything you need."

Severus wanted to argue that he didn't need anything, that he didn't want Lily's parents to spend so much money on him but he knew that quarrelling with Lily about this would be pointless and honestly, he didn't have strength to do it right now.

Lily noticed that he was getting tired.

"You look exhausted. You should sleep."

"I don't want to sleep. I'm not that tired. Stay a little longer."

"Then eat some chocolate." She offered him some, with a smile. "Remus always says that chocolate is the best for sadness and fatigue."

Severus wanted to retort with some snarky remark about Remus' condition but bit his tongue and took the chocolate instead.

"It's good but nothing beats Chocolate Frogs," he said, tasting the chocolate melting in his mouth.

"I'm not sure the nurses would be happy if chocolate frogs started to jump around the ward," Lily laughed.