Wednesday 17th March 1982
Tonks' Home, 18:00
Andromeda held her head in her hands. Dora felt like doing the same but she was pretty sure that her mother would tell her that she was being dramatic even if she was just copying her.
"Why did none of us think to check if we could visit him?"
"I didn't think you could," Dora said and then turned to Marlene, "What about you?"
Marlene shook her head. She felt a bit relieved that Marlene didn't know, that meant she hadn't missed something in Auror Training. Azkaban wasn't exactly a place that people wanted to think about, never mind go and visit. In fact, the only time she had ever heard of someone "visiting" Azkaban were Ministry Officials doing an annual check and, of course, certain Aurors transporting prisoners.
"So, we need to go visit him, right?" Dora asked
Because that was the only logical thing to do with this information, right?
"We have to go about this sensibly. Nymphadora."
She huffed at that and crossed her arms. She was done being sensible and following rules and trying to do what was expected. What happened to doing what you wanted? The right thing? Why did there have to be a sensible way of doing that? She lo9ked around the room to see if anyone felt the same way. Marlene was biting her lip so hard that Dora was pretty sure that she was going to see blood. What was she thinking about?
"What if I don't want to be sensible?" She huffed, crossing her arms.
Because she really didn't. Which was the wrong thing to say if her mother's eye roll was anything to go by.
There was a bit of back and forth about if they should visit (of course they should) and how they would even go about doing that until someone said they were hungry and they decided to pull some lunch together.
"What's up?" She asked quietly as Andromeda left to sort out more tea while the sandwiches made themselves.
Marlene shook her head, not saying anything.
"Come on, something's up," she pressed.
"It's nothing."
"Obviously it's not."
"Does anyone want coffee instead?" Andromeda called in. "I forgot to Ask."
"No, thank you," they both replied.
Dora turned to Marlene again, "Come on, what's wrong?"
"Leave it, Nymphadora."
"Don't call me that."
"Then stop asking me."
"Bit something's wrong."
"And it's nothing for you to be concerned about."
"So, there is something wrong!"
That last bit came out a bit more triumphantly than she intended it to, especially since it concerned something being wrong with Marlene. But she was right. There was something wrong and she was pretty sure it was something that she should be concerned about.
They sat in silence for about a minute, Dora feeling increasingly awkward. Maybe she should have pushed and just have left Marlene alone. Obviously, she didn't want to talk. Not yet, anyway. She should have waited until later. She could have brought it up again maybe when they had game back to one of theirs and Marlene had had time to think over whatever she had been thinking about.
Tuesday 23rd March 1982
Dockyard, 10:30
Remus wasn't sure how he felt about this. Actually, scratch that, he knew how he felt about this, he just didn't know what to do with how he felt about this, if that made any sense. He felt like it didn't but the whirlwind of the past few days hadn't exactly made sense.
Did you know that of you were a civilian visiting someone is Azkaban you had to fill out all these forms? Some of those had definitely been doubles. What was the point in that when you had a duplication charm? Not that Remus had said that. He had behaved and filled out all of the forms properly. Forms that Marlene unfairly didn't have to fill out because of her position as an Auror. Even though her visit was in no way related to get being an Auror, she still didn't have to fill out the sheer number he had had to. One form. That was all she had to fill out. One form. And he actually had to give up in counting his and just sign them as they endlessly came. Seriously, he was starting to see those forms in his dreams just endlessly floating by thanks to all that. Which didn't help how he was feeling about this, by the way. He did not need a background of anxiety to go with everything else he was feeling.
Uneasy. Uneasy is how he felt about this. But not frightened or anything. Maybe a bit wary? He didn't know what was going to happen or what it was going to be like so he thought it was pretty natural of him to feel like this. He didn't like feeling like this but there was nothing he could really do about it either, was there? He just had to get this over with. No, that sounded horrible. He wanted to see Sirius. He did. But he also didn't. What was Sirius going to be like after months in Azkaban? He knew that people went crazy in there. How long did that take to happen? It had to be longer than months, didn't it? It had to be. Because the other option was, well, it didn't bear thinking about.
No. Sirius was going to be okay. Well, as okay as he could be for being imprisoned in Azkaban. He wasn't going to be crazy; he was going to be fine. Please let him be fine.
"Come on," Marlene urged.
Remus blinked at her; she was ahead of him. Since when had she been so far ahead of him? Had he really been that lost in his thoughts? It felt weird to hear Marlene's voice, as brief as what she had said had been. They were walking along in silence because, well, what did you say at a time like this? He certainly didn't know. It turned out that he didn't know a lot of things, least of all how to deal with this.
He did feel like he ought to say something. Anything. Even if it was some sort of inane small talk as Severus like to put it. But it didn't feel right. And even for small talk he didn't know what he should say. The weather? Yeah, no, that wasn't going to go down well at all.
Marlene came to a sudden stop, almost making Remus crash into her if it wasn't for his quick reflexes.
"Did you see something?"
He might have the better sight but not when it was blocked by her. She shook her head but said nothing, which immediately put him on edge. Not that not would have taken much to do that, considering where they were heading.
"Marlene?"
Still nothing. They couldn't do this. They had to keep going.
"Marlene."
"I can't do this."
Oh. She couldn't do this. Oh.
"Marlene-" he began but he had no idea what he was going to say next.
"I can't, Remus. Not today."
"If not today then when?" He asked gently.
Her silence spoke volumes and he nodded knowingly. It was nothing to do with today and everything to do with her being afraid.
"This isn't a good idea," she finally said.
"It's not a bad idea either."
Though, he wasn't sure if he believed that himself. But he couldn't think like that. They couldn't think like that.
He thought back to what Banbridge had said to him when he was trying to set all of this up.
"Miss McKinnon has never tried to visit Mr Black," Mr Banbridge said, tapping his quill on the table (A really annoying habit of his).
"No," Remus replied shortly, with a frown.
Why bring up Marlene at all? They were supposed to be talking about Sirius and how to get him out of there.
"Why?"
"We didn't know we could."
Because they hadn't. Who'd ever thought about visiting Azkaban? It was a prison fortress for a reason!
"But she never vocalised the wish to?"
"No."
"Did You ever wonder why?"
"None of us wondered," Remus said, avoiding the question.
Yes, neither he or Marlene had spoken of wanting to see him after all these months. And they were the two closest to him. Yet they hadn't.
"If you don't do it now then you're never going to do it and that's not good for you or for Sirius. Nor is it fair to either of you."
There was a long pause and Remus was seriously worried that she was just going to turn around and head back home. And then Marlene's shoulders slumped.
"You're right."
"I normally am," he tried to joke but it didn't get a smile from her.
There wasn't exactly anything to smile about anyway. This wasn't necessarily a happy reunion. He wasn't sure what this was going to be.
Sure, it might have been odd that he was one of the first visitors instead of his wife. Dora being his cousin and all. But, if you thought about it, it made sense. Sirius and Dora didn't get to see each other until Sirius started Hogwarts - all their communication with each other having to be done by sneaky owl post before then. Even then it had only been a year or so - Andromeda not wanting to involve Dora in talking to family members of hers until she could be trusted to be somewhat discreet. He had gotten to actually know Sirius before her. Perks of being the same age, dame gender and in the same House.
When it came down to it, he and Sirius were closer. That was the truth. The perceived truth anyway. Depending on what it was, different Marauders were more likely to pair up. But he wasn't going to think about that right now. All he was thinking about was Sirius. That was what mattered.
He also had a better grasp on his emotions which would hopefully serve him well today. Though, he was becoming sceptical as they got closer and closer to the office, they had to be in. He wasn't even sure what the office was called, all he knew that it was on the same floor as the DMLE - being an office that handled Azkaban, so off course it was on the floor that dealt with law enforcement.
There was paperwork. So much paperwork for them to fill out. Remus had thought that they had filled out all the paperwork that was needed before they even came here. Banbridge had provided them with the request forms, the forms where they had to outline their relationship with Sirius and why they wanted to visit him. That wasn't to mention all the parchment that they had to sign saying they understood what they were asking and the risks.
So many risks, apparently. How could there be so many risks when they were going to a secure prison? Remus had read them all and he didn't really want to think about them anymore.
It had been a lot. And now they needed to fill out more? Remus looked over at Marlene and she was biting her lip, second guessing herself. Very obviously second guessing herself. They needed to get this done quickly before she could change her mind. They couldn't come all the way here only to not go. They couldn't.
He took a deep, starting breath. They were going to do this.
Marlene took a deep breath in a weak attempt to steady her nerves. Funnily enough, it didn't work. So, she tried it again. And again. And aga-
"Stop stalling," Remus chided.
"I wasn't," she muttered but she knew he didn't believe her.
And, okay, maybe she was stalling. Just a little. Just a tiny, little bit. But could you really blame her? Considering what they were doing? About to do. Trying to do.
"You are."
Marlene didn't bother replying to that. If she answered anything other than yes it would be a lie and Remus knew that.
"Me or you first?" She asked instead.
They hadn't actually planned this bit. They hadn't really planned how this was going to go at all. It was like they hadn't wanted to think too much about it in case it vanished. In case it suddenly didn't happen. Except now it was happening and they didn't have a plan.
How were they going to do this? Merlin, what were they going to talk about?
And then they were at the door. The final door. The door behind which was the whole reason they were here. Which she came to a stop in front of, her hand over the handle. And, she couldn't do it. Couldn't put her hand down on it to open it.
"You first," Remus prompted.
Except, she wasn't ready. She wasn't ready. Panic fluttered in her stomach.
Remus made this weird noise behind her, half annoyed, half exasperated. She didn't get a chance to process it when his arm snaked around her and forcibly opened the door.
"Remus!"
But it was too late. The door swung open, leaving them exposed to the inside room. A very bare room. It had one table in the centre and a chair. A chair with a person in kt-"
"Sirius," Marlene breathed.
Sirius jumped at the sound of her voice, even though he had been looking at her. Well, jump wasn't really the right word considering the fact that he was chained firmly to chair he was sitting in.
He was chained to a chair. Actually, chained to it. His arms were crossed behind his back and probably had even more restraints than she could currently see. And she could see a lot of them. There was a chain across his chest, one around each forearm attaching them both to the side of the back of the chair, completely bypassing the arms of it - probably to keep his hands out of the way. You couldn't do much with your hands if they weren't able to be in front of you. Actually, there were two chains across his chest, she noticed. One just below the other. They looked tight. Would they bruise him? And then his legs. They were attached to the legs of the chair with, you guessed it, more chains.
"Marlene? You're here?"
And Marlene suddenly didn't care about all her thoughts and doubts and confusion, all she cared about was how broken and amazed that he sounded. She choked back a sob and nodded vigorously.
"I'm here, Sirius. I'm here."
She wanted to hug him, shake him, touch him in some way bit she didn't know if he wanted that. She had never had to wonder about that before. To give herself some time, she turned to Remus to see how he was processing this
Now that they were there, Remus looked like he didn't quite know what to do with himself. He was all awkward and shifting from foot to foot. And he had been the one pushing her to go in! He had been the one who was already! She had actually started walking towards the table but then she stopped, my sure what to do. Did she take that chair just opp9site him? Thankfully it had no chains. Did she pace around the room? Would that be rubbing it in his face that they were free to do so?
"Moony?" Sirius said hopefully and Marlene winced at his croaky his voice sounded.
It sounded like it hadn't been used in months, which, let's be honest, it probably hadn't. Who exactly was there to talk to in here? Dementors? They couldn't talk. And would you even want to talk to one if they could? Marlene shuddered at the thought.
"I'm here," Padfoot."
"You're both here?"
Marlene swallowed heavily, her mouth suddenly dry and she made a motion across the table like she wanted to hold his hand but couldn't quite make up her mind. Except the decision was already made for her due to the chains. Chains. He was chained up.
"We're both here."
Azkaban, 15:00
Remus staggered out of the conference room, meeting room, whatever you called that little room in Azkaban. He felt like he'd gone through a full moon or three.
That. That was a lot. That was so much. Emotions, feelings, thoughts, things said, things not said, restraint. It was a lot. And Remus didn't know how he was going to process it.
On autopilot, he walked alongside an almost zombie-like Marlene as they were led down the corridor and out to the dock of Azkaban. The two guards assigned to them said nothing as the loaded them into the boat. Remus didn't even feel the nauseating rocking of the boat as they set sail, his mind was too occupied by thoughts.
The first thing Sirius had done was say that he didn't do it. Hadn't betrayed James and Lily. Which they assured him they knew. They knew that already. Sirius simply couldn't have. But that hadn't seemed to help him at all because he got this wild look in his eyes - it was actually kind of frightening- and told them it was still his fault. Which hadn't made sense.
Beyond that they hadn't known what to say to each other. Not really. There were three of them and none of them knew what to say, it was ridiculous. But really, what could you say to an imprisoned friend? Catch up on what everyone was doing? They had done that, Sirius had seemed eager for that news, but once that was done none of them seemed to know what else to talk about. It wasn't like Sirius was going to start talking about Azkaban.
Remus sighed and let the rocking of the boat jostle his thoughts. He didn't know how he was supposed to process this.