Chapter Three
I'm hiding out in the building this week. Knowing what's going down I have to keep a low profile for the time being. I'm honestly bewildered Hunter and Shawn actually think they can get DX back together without me? No. No. No. Not today or ever.
Since they have obviously forgotten who the real prank master is I took it upon myself to set up a series of surprises for on Vincent Kennedy McMahon. This is just the beginning of Monday Night Raw and already Vince has been given a rooster, visited by an alien, attacked by a pudgy male stripper covered in oil, and delivered a penis enlarger pump.
The last I heard Vince and Shane have been called away. I know that it's Shawn and Hunter's doing which is impressive I have to admit. In fact, they trashed Vince's office and spray-painted DX on Coach's but cheeks. Which is hilarious and I wish I was in on it. Hell, the Spirit Squad even got a present.
When it's time for DX to officially reunite the entire building feels our presence. There is no talking them so I hide until Hunter and Shawn are already in the ring. I stalk gorilla looking for the perfect moment. Once the music is over I hear Hunter ask the crowd if they're ready. Of course, they all scream so loud that no one can hear anything else.
Grabbing a mic from one of the tech crew I rush out to the top of the ramp. " Wait. Wait. Wait. "
Shawn and Hunter both look just as surprised to see me as the fans did last week. " So you mean to tell me DX is back together? "
The fans all yell in confirmation. Hunter and Shawn both lean against the top ropes looking amused at my interruption.
" Hey let me ask you something... I mean I know it's been six years so you can correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't there more members in DX? I mean I know the New Age Outlaws are all doing their own thing and Kid and China is out living their Surreal life somewhere we all know that, but wasn't there one more member? " I ask rhetorically.
Fans cheered DX's name louder at my shout outs.
" So what exactly are you getting at? " Hunter asks me.
Shaking my head in exaggeration I laugh. " First things first, I have to say how disappointed I am. The things I've witnessed the last few months have really opened my eyes to what has happened here. After thinking on it for a while I came to a conclusion. " I say pacing back and forth.
Shawn grabs the mic from Hunter and speaks. " And what exactly is this conclusion you came to? "
" That you both forgot a few things on the way to the top and thought you could get away with the foolery that has gone on in not just the last few months, but the last few years as well. " I tell him and the crowd boos me accordingly.
Shawn rolls his eyes. " Are you going to get to the point? What exactly did we forget? "
" Many things, self-respect, personal responsibility, and brotherhood... But the most important thing you two forgot and thought you could get away with? " I ask them both seriously. " ... Thinking that you could put the band back together and cause madness and mayhem... Without me. " I say grinning like a madwoman.
The crowd explodes at my words and I smile out at them knowing they're eating this up.
Hunter takes the mic back and tries to speak but the crowd isn't letting up. " Do you guys really want this? " He asks them to which they all lose their minds once more. " Really? What makes you all think she still has the girly cajones to be a part of D Generation X? "
They all turn on him and chant " let her in! Let her in! ". " Do I really have to come down there and show you my girly cajones? As a founding member of DX, I say I'm in and there's nothing you two can do about it. "
Setting the mic down I remove my jacket and reveal my old school DX tank. Hunter and Shawn both can't help but grin as I make my way to the ring. Once I'm in we all exchange looks before taking our places.
" Okay, I'll do this one more time... Are you ready? " Hunter asks and the crowd turns the volume up ten notches. " No, I said, Are. You. Ready! " He roars.
We all bend our knees and I take the mic. " Then, for the thousands in attendance, and the millions watching at home. "
Hunter takes the mic again. " And just cus we are back baby. Let's get ready to suck it! " He yells before crotch chopping.
I throw my arms up in the X formation and feel a burst of excitement flow through me. Hunter puts his arm around Shawn's shoulders and Shawn pulls me under his arm.
" And as always if you're not down with that- " The crowd was so loud that Shawn had to stop for a second. Once they calm down he smiles.
Leaning into the mic I say, " Oh no, there's more. "
" We got two words for ya! " He says before raising the mic in the air as the crowd shouts " suck it ".
God, it feels so good to do that again!
" So this is it, baby! D generation X is back! Bigger! Badder than ever! All of the originals- since apparently, Andri refuses to let us have all the fun without her. Right here tonight! " Hunter says looking like a kid on Christmas morning.
Shawn shakes his head and speaks with a look of worry. " You know, I'd hate to bring the mood down a little bit, but I'm guilt-ridden. I. Am. Guilt. Ridden. " Shawn says slapping Hunter's chest. " We did a bad thing tonight! I had to come out here and ask the Lord for forgiveness. All of your forgiveness. Because right now at this very minute Vince McMahon is nervously biting his fingernails. Worried sick over princess Stephanie and her, ya know, labor. Pains. "
Hunter grins. " Liar! " He yells and pointing at Shawn. " You're a liar. That's a lie. "
" That's right it is a lie. She's... Fine. " Shawn admits.
I go over to where Lilian Garcia is standing and got her to give me a mic. " I knew it! I knew you two had something to do with it. "
They grin at me like the little devils they are.
" You know something? Who do you think got her, ya know... Pregnant? " Shawn asks playing on the fact that Hunter and Stephanie's storyline ended years ago so some fans don't know that they're married.
" I don't know but I'll tell you this- " Hunter says. " That guy has to be hung like a stud. He's probably hung down to here. " He says gesturing to his knee.
Shawn interrupts his dirty ramblings about his own jolly stick. " I'm gonna stop you here I don't think this is part of the show. How about we segway if you will. Smoothly segway into a shameless PPV plug. "
" This Sunday at Vengeance, "
Leaning in I interrupt. " Which by the way you can call you cable subscriber to order it live this Sunday in Charlottesville North Carolina. "
Hunter comes up behind us and we all say " Live only on PPV ".
" Now Spirit Squad, I know what you're thinking... " Shawn says with a bemused look on his face. " I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, five on two? The odds are stacked in our favor... You see they don't realize, you're not just facing two WWE superstars. No! You're facing the Game HHH, the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels. Twi thirds of D Generation X! "
I nod my head in agreement. For lesser superstars, five on two would be damn near impossible. Hunter and Shawn are two in a million. Or maybe the whole Kliq is just one whole in a million? Either way, I'm not as worried as I was when it' was just them out by themselves.
" And this Sunday at Vengeance you are not gonna- " Shawn's interrupted by the Spirit Squads theme song.
All three of us look back and forth at each other in mock fear. To my surprise though, it's a midget squad. Hunter is genuinely shocked so it has to be Shawn's doing. Only he'd think of something like this.
The fucking goof gets down to their level as they make their way to the ring. I can hear JR in the background commenting on my facial expression. Can he blame me? This is bizarre even for DX's standards.
Once they're in the ring things get weirder. I figure I can either stand here like an idiot or join in on the fun. Lining a few of them up I bowl with the smallest guy. He rolls into the others and they fall. Hunter looks like a kid in a candy shop. I don't think he has had this much fun in a long time.
The next thing I know Hunter is tuning up the band. The smallest little guy gets sweet chin music. Hunter picks up the mics and hands me mine.
" Now Shawn, I have to imagine that this is your handiwork. " Hunter says winding down.
Shawn shrugs his shoulders. " I thought it would be funny. "
" Please, I beat both of you two tonight. Vince got a cock, assaulted by male strippers, and visited by an alien. " I say rolling my eyes.
Hunter laughs. " That was funny. I forgot how funny you are. "
"Let's hope you never forget again. " I say with a smirk.
Shawn waves his hands. " So you're telling me that what I did wasn't funny? "
" Oh no, it was funny... It just came up a little... Short for DX standards. " I say not being able to help myself.
" You know, I've been thinking about cheerleaders too. I know you put a lot of thought into this. " He says rubbing on his nipple. " I've been thinking about cheerleaders a lot. "
" Hunter! Stop molesting yourself on national television! " I yell away from the mic and slap his shoulder.
You wouldn't believe how many times I've had to tell him that over the years.
" Anyway... " Hunter says snapping out of it.
Shawn pulls out a blindfold and ties it around his eyes. " Yeah, you should probably put that on. "
I know what's coming so I turn around and shake my head. Some things will never change. If I know him, and I do, it's slutty cheerleaders. It never ceases to amaze me how nineteen-year-old girls are so willing to take their clothes off. Not even for money, just to do it.
From what I can hear Hunter is about to get a show from the cheerleaders when the next thing I know Shawn is tapping me on the arm. Turning around I see that the real Spirit Squad has come out with some of the other superstars from the back. Mikey and Kenny come down and get into the ring with us and starts yelling at Hunter and Shawn.
The other superstars who came out with them head back to the locker room not wanting to do their dirty work. Mikey and Kenny gesture behind them like they're big men when they had to get bigger superstars to ( help ) them. Hunter points behind them with a grin plastered on his face. They turn around and even though I can't see their faces I know they aren't feeling so high and mighty now.
Hunter and Shawn both get in position and once they turn around they both fall into the pedigree/superkick trap. Shawn looks at me and then points to Mikey. I know what he wants and I give it to him and all of the fans. Giving him the Walking On Sunshine I get back up and Shawn picks me up from behind and swings me around wildly. We're back baby!
Shawn puts me down and I grin up at him before helping Hunter get the douchebags out of the ring. The other members of the Spirit Squad help them walk back up the ramp. The little Spirit Squad gets back in the ring and line up.
I give Hunter his mic and he says " in case you girls forgot, we are D Generation X! At Vengeance, you are gonna get your asses handed to you DX style! But until then we got just two words for ya. " Hunter says as the little squad drops their pants.
Their bare asses are on full display on the titantron and their buttcheeks all spell out suck It. I can't help but laugh when the chubby guy starts making his cheeks clap. The Spirit Squad retreat like the little bitches they are and we have a celebration in the ring while the fans scream our name.