Too Hot for TV

No, I didn't forget that part. Check the bottom Notes.

****The majority of this chapter is skippable, if AkiMitsu isn't your thing. As of Chapter 16, the two are finally dating in an official sense. Mitsuru will tell Akihiko all about how dating Makoto Yuki went down – mostly a rehash of what was said in other chapters. ****

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United at last, Mitsuru and Akihiko...fell asleep.

In retrospect, it wasn't odd. It had been so long since either of them had slept well, and being together was reassuring. Mitsuru missed the days when she could snuggle up to Akihiko's chest, track his breathing, and relax knowing she wasn't alone. Once Akihiko had realized the depth of his feelings, all he wanted in the world was to hold Mitsuru, yet every force on Earth and beyond seemed to keep them apart, leaving him in a perpetual state of anxiety until he could make sure she was safe.

When Mitsuru woke up several hours later in a cold sweat, having dreamed of her father's disappointment vanquishing her with Artemisia's whip, she was met with the consolation that she had missed so dearly.

"Shh...you're okay. You're safe." Akihiko couldn't tell what she'd been afraid about, but he took his job seriously and there was plenty to catch up on. Had she been freaking out all this time, alone? What did she do after a nightmare when Akihiko wasn't there to ground her? He rubbed her back and rocked her, knowing that she couldn't form words in this state.

Once it had passed, he was surprised to find Mitsuru trying to smile. "You're here."

"I'm here. I love you. It's all right now."

Mitsuru gasped, and Akihiko realized that was the first time he'd actually said the words to her when she could hear them. He couldn't remember why he'd ever thought it would be hard to. It felt as natural as throwing a punch.

"I love you," he said again, "I'm sorry it took me so long."

Mitsuru let the words wash over her before finally accepting them. "I wouldn't have been ready to believe you then," she said finally. "It wasn't that I didn't want to believe it. I was afraid to believe it...because it meant that I had been a fool and a coward for so long. I couldn't let myself believe it." She removed himself from her chest as if his heartbeat was suddenly too harsh for her ears. "I've done that once, and look at where it got me."

Akihiko didn't have a retort for that. It had never occurred to him that Mitsuru might have been upset enough to swear off love forever when she found out Makoto wasn't only dating her. She was a very private person, only opening up to people after they'd completed one hell of an obstacle course to get to her. Of course betrayal would have hurt.

He was still afraid to press the matter further. It wasn't supposed to matter anymore – Makoto was dead, and Mitsuru was here with him – but he still had to know. How much had he hurt her?

"I had to tell him," she began. Akihiko knew exactly what that meant. "He was willing to stand before Shiro and defend what little honor I had left, yet I could not bring myself to reward him in any capacity, and he needed to know why."

She remembered it like it was yesterday. Inviting him into her room went well (now that she wasn't asking him in front of Fushimi), and imploring him to stay a bit longer made his eyes light up. And then he advanced on her, and the room began to shake and it became harder to breathe. Even kind, unassuming Yuki? Her traitorous body had cursed her to remain forever untouched, all because of the traumatic memories of men reaching to hurt her, to invade her for their own amusement. But this was NOT a scientist! This was the man she'd thought she could finally accept affection from...affection she'd been denying herself for so long. He would not hurt her, not deliberately. He would be as gentle and caring as she needed him to be. Yet...

She hadn't realized she was trembling until Akihiko put his arms around her. He had such a safe aura about him that entering her personal space did nothing to set off her alarms. Only now did the significance finally reach her.

"I've dreamed of moments like this. I suppose too many books had me believing in happily ever after...yet they never explained how much pain you had to go through to get there. I was not going to be marrying a man I loved and who loved me in return, whether I liked it or not." She cringed as she added, "Even before I knew Yukari and Yamagishi and the others had dated Yuki, I was envious of them...because they could be with him, because they were free to fall in love, and marry for love instead of for political alliances. Why couldn't I?"

Why with him? was what Akihiko really wanted to say, but he didn't.

"And so I was," said Mitsuru.

Akihiko's heart stopped beating for a second.

"At least, I tried to be."

Now his heart was in his stomach.

"It wasn't his fault," Mitsuru quickly insisted, "He wasn't pressuring me. I knew he wouldn't, so I thought...I thought he would be safer. This was my obligation to the Kirijo Group; I had to prepare myself. If I couldn't manage being with a man I'd willingly chosen, how was I going to endure someone like Shiro?"

Thinking of that asshole in bed with Mitsuru pissed him off even more than imagining her and Makoto. He knew, on some level, that Makoto wouldn't do anything to scar Mitsuru, and he kind of understood why she'd thought so, too. He stood up to Shiro for Mitsuru – without letting his anger get the best of him. He'd been the man she needed. No wonder he was the man she wanted.

"I think he had begun to put the pieces together long before that night." With Yuki hardly ever speaking, it was easy to overlook how intelligent he actually was. "Something Ikutsuki told him may have given him the idea. Meeting Strega just confirmed it. When he asked me who else knew about this, and I told him only you and Shinjiro...he must have figured everything else out as well. He wasn't exactly upset when I ended things between us-"

She felt rather than saw Akihiko react with surprise.

"I suppose you thought it was the other way around?" she chuckled. "No. Yuki didn't seem to be in any hurry to leave. Hmm...perhaps there wasn't time to date anyone after me – it was January, after all."

"You sure there was anyone left?" Akihiko retorted, and Mitsuru had to concede at least that much. Yuki certainly got around.

"In that case, I'm afraid I was a disappointing finale to quite a colorful love life. It didn't seem fair to burden him with a girlfriend who couldn't bear to be touched."

Akihiko said nothing, simply raised an eyebrow – in a style very reminiscent of her own – and waited for her to remember she was sitting in his lap, with one of his hands in her hair, and the other stroking the palm of her hand.

"You only touch me when I want you to," Mitsuru explained.

Well that was reassuring, he supposed. So far, she'd never pulled away from him, so she must want him to touch her most of the time.

Wait…

Mitsuru chuckled again, taking his chin in one hand while reattaching the wayward bandage on his temple with the other. "Don't ever play cards, Akihiko," she said as she leaned in for a kiss. She was beginning to enjoy how his ever-present warmth made her feel...just waiting for her, under his clothes. Kissing him had sparked something deep within her, and now she was warm as well. Those errant fantasies of Akihiko's lips all over her body had returned with a vengeance. The absence of fear was a powerful aphrodisiac.

Akihiko had his own fantasies running through his head, but there was one thing he just had to understand. "You really thought you'd screwed this up?" Mitsuru hid her face from him, but he lifted her chin and made her look him in the eyes. Yeah, Mitsuru's Shadow was a part of her, but it was the part she didn't fucking need; the part that lied to her and spoonfed her insecurities. Blaming herself for a relationship that he'd never tried to start either ended tonight.

"I didn't ask you to stay."

This was also something he instinctively understood.

Mitsuru never broke outright, but she had many hairline cracks that she hid from the world and so when she lost her father, it was enough of a blow to shatter her completely. She was like a zombie the entire trip back to the dorm, not caring if Akihiko had accidentally pulled her hair or stopped to catch his breath too many times. He laid her down on her bed and she just...stayed there, like a rag doll that was leaking stuffing.

"I should have offered to stay." It wasn't fair to pin all the blame on Mitsuru. He was the coward that saw Mitsuru looking like she needed a friend, and left anyway. Oh, she'd Execute me, she'd be angry if the others found out, they'd all accuse me of taking advantage of her...those were just weak-assed excuses.

"Why would you?" Now Mitsuru was sitting up, looking as if she wanted to get out of bed and far away from him. "No, I deserved to be left alone, after-"

"What?"

"...after leaving you alone."

Akihiko had willingly detached from reality after Shinji died. He had so much to process that he mentally checked out. Mitsuru had allowed him to deal with things his own way with no objections. She didn't even bat an eye when he skipped school. But there were times he thought he saw her watching him, times he heard her footsteps coming up the stairs and pausing on the second floor for a long period of time before continuing upward.

She wanted to reach out, but she didn't know how. And it's not like you were letting her in, either.

Akihiko opened his mouth to speak, but it was Shinji that came out. "We're both dumbasses."

Mitsuru made a noise that began as a laugh but continued on as a sob. "He's always known that," she agreed – and damn, was it good to have someone to talk shit about Shinji with. Someone who understood that he'd do the same thing if he were in their place. He must be banging his head against a wall, watching them dance around and take turns screwing up. He'd known all along.

She was still making that weird noise. "Can you ever forgive me for being so cowardly?" His girl thought she was a coward, because he'd never told her that she was the bravest person he'd ever met and it made him so damn proud.

You see this, Shinji? I'm finally taking my head out of my ass.

"Honey," he said, "as brave as you've been all this time, I think you've earned it. Why do you think I fell in love with you in the first place? I've never met anyone who manages to be just as tough and relentless as I am in heels and a skirt. Every day, you amaze me. You're stronger than I am – and I'd tell that to anyone in a heartbeat."

"What if…" Mitsuru looked unsure of how to phrase what she needed to say, "what if I don't want to be?"

"I don't mind if you wanna be soft right now." Akihiko chuckled. "Especially when you're on my lap – you can be as soft as you want."

A sly smile began to dance its way across Mitsuru's face. "I suppose one of us ought to be," she said. There was something intoxicating about teasing him like this. She did indeed have a soft side, and only he could access it.

If he wanted to.

Ohh, did he want to.

For someone who never gave horny schoolboys the time of day, Mitsuru sure knew when and how to be sexy as hell. Usually when he was in bed with her he was too busy trying to reassure her that she was safe to concentrate on the fact that she wasn't wearing a bra. But she'd been rubbing up against him all night, and he just couldn't resist it anymore. He hadn't expected Mitsuru to smirk back at him like that, though. Maybe it was finally time to push back a little further.

Akihiko kissed her again and allowed his hands to slip down her back and across her thighs, waiting patiently for an invitation he was positive he'd get now. When Mitsuru moaned softly, he moved to the edge of the nightshirt she was stretching out, noticing how she shuddered and gripped the back of his neck. There were at least two parts of Mitsuru that weren't soft, either.

His brain started to go a little fuzzy around the edges.

Mitsuru's brain wasn't any better. It had abandoned her somewhere around the time Akihiko had slipped his tongue into her mouth. She couldn't recall ever feeling so conscious of every single part of her body and every single part of Akihiko's body, all at once. It was a bit like scanning Tartarus; she could see everything with her eyes closed. Akihiko's heart was beating out of his chest and she knew hers had sped up to match it. The moment his fingertips hit bare skin, she lost the ability to think coherently – and she didn't miss it one bit. She'd never been this warm before. Before she'd even begun to realize it, she was also reaching to remove her shirt.

Forced to detach in order to breathe, they fumbled awkwardly as the heat dissipated and logic began to reenter Mitsuru. It wasn't welcome.

"Wait, y-uh..." Akihiko sputtered, trying to get the blood to rush back to his head. He had a disappointed look on his face, looking over at Mitsuru and then hurriedly glancing away.

The only reason Mitsuru figured out what he was trying to say was because she had been in the exact same place. She scrambled – why were her limbs suddenly clumsy? Was it because her breasts felt fuller? – over to the nightstand, to where she'd left her small travel case she'd hidden from Kikuno during the packing of her luggage. "It-", she gasped.

"What? What?"

Once she'd managed to catch her breath, she just sort of thrust the container in her hand at him and hoped he would cotton on. "It's...all right."

Akihiko's thought processes were visible on his face as he finally got the message. "Oh. Hey. Great."

It was such an underwhelming reaction that she immediately burst out laughing, and he followed. What had she even been worried about? This was her Akihiko. He wouldn't shame her or judge her for being unsure about sex. It was frankly a miracle that he'd even figured out this much! Mitsuru found it very amusing to imagine Shinjiro facepalming somewhere, watching this play out.

"Do me a favor," Akihiko was saying, "just tell everyone that I was really suave the entire time."

"No," Mitsuru giggled.

"Yeah, I didn't think so." He was still really flushed. "You okay, though?"

Always awaiting her orders. Well, it was now or never. "I am," Mitsuru said. She took a deep breath. "I want you to touch me."

That was the end of both of their brains.

Akihiko was still not entirely sure how to go about this, but he seemed to be doing all right a minute ago, so he figured he'd just pick up where he left off. Some small part of him was bouncing off the walls at the idea of finally getting to make love to Mitsuru. She gasped and moaned and shivered each time he touched her, and it was driving him insane. He wanted to see her, and to let her see him appreciating her.

The shirt came off slowly...but it did come off. Akihiko had gone past the point of nosebleeds into full-on erection territory. His hands moved on their own, but he couldn't stop staring. She's so fucking beautiful. That one brief, embarrassing moment where he'd walked in on Mitsuru years ago had not done her body justice. And here he was, cupping and stroking and caressing as if he'd done this a million times already. Maybe this was easier than he thought. Mitsuru sure was loving it.

Mitsuru had ascended to another plane of existence somehow. She was still a little worried, but the pleasure was starting to dissolve her spine. Was this how Akihiko felt every time she touched him? If that was the case, she was going to have to touch him more often! He was so delicious and delightful that she wanted to please him the way he pleased her – something she'd never considered before. How wonderful it was, to share herself with a man without that fear she was sure would be hanging over her. How easy this was, falling into him knowing he would catch her. There was no overwhelming feeling of THIS IS WRONG, THIS IS BAD that had plagued every other so-called relationship. Akihiko had earned this ten times over. She wanted him to have this. She wanted him.

She'd forgotten how to take off her clothes. She still had the pajama bottoms on, and she really wanted them off because the heat was overwhelming and she desperately wanted Akihiko to touch her, more than she ever would have imagined was possible. Maybe she could figure out his instead. Her hands brushed dangerously close to his arousal, and her mind came up with so many possibilities that she was grateful he couldn't read her thoughts. He jumped, the touch distracting him from a nipple.

Akihiko would have spent the whole night with Mitsuru's breasts if he hadn't felt her tugging on his pants. He was sure he was going to explode any second now. Hoping they wouldn't fall over and wake everyone up, he tried to lift Mitsuru into a standing position (Mitsuru leaning on him was making it hard to concentrate) so he could just yank their clothes off. HOLYSHITherhandswerecoolandtheyweresoftandHRRRGH…! Okay, naked now. Naked Mitsuru. Brain off-duty. No help there. What now? Bed. Bed, naked, with Mitsuru-fffFUUCK YOU ARE SO GORGEOUS OkayIdon'tknowhowtodothisjustgetinthebedand…

Ohh, sweet protein shake, this is the best night of my entire life.

Mitsuru barely had time to get very dizzy at the sight and scent of Akihiko's erect penis before he laid her back down on the bed. Desire clouded her mind, leaving no room for fear as he joined her and she reached out to grab hold of whatever she could get her hands on. She was quivering. Everything was so hot, but it didn't bother her one bit. All of these sensations were so new and intense that she was caught up in experiencing them.

He held her as he took her, that was comforting.

Apparently, some parts of Akihiko knew what they were doing, especially when presented with a soft and sensual Mitsuru. There was little to no resistance as he slid in. Mitsuru made a shuddering, gasping noise of...pain? Pleasure? Surprise? All of the above? He couldn't have her being afraid, not now. Faced with either losing his rhythm or traumatizing his girl, Akihiko decided to take drastic action.

He tickled her stomach.

Okay, that was a giggle! At least she wasn't upset. Her stomach muscles relaxed, and she pressed herself into his embrace, wrapping her arms and legs around him. She must have started to think again, and was dwelling on the pain. By now, Akihiko knew exactly how to put an end to that.

The moans of delight that followed had both of them forgetting everything but each other.

Why had she waited so long for this? Why had she nearly let unnecessary drama keep her from the only man alive who truly knew her? Everything about Akihiko inside her was absolutely perfect. It was becoming increasingly difficult to tell where he ended and she began. She had no idea if they were still in the bedroom, on the beach, or in space. There was only Akihiko and a series of small explosions in her abdomen threatening to turn her inside out. Yukari had not explained this well enough.

Oh, dear god, what is happening? Wh-NOOO-no-no, don't stop, don't stop! D-... G-... Oh, god, I can't breathe...I...I…

!

To say he had been waiting for this would be an understatement. Sex with Mitsuru was everything he'd dreamed it would be and more. Mitsuru's incoherent sweet nothings had been in every language she knew and a few never invented by man, but at least twice he'd sworn he'd heard his name.

His. Not Makoto's.

The wild and unrestrained behavior was just icing on the cake for him. Mitsuru had left all her decorum on the floor with her clothes, and the woman in bed with him was a complete stranger to everyone else. All that holding back in public had finally reached its breaking point. He loved this side of her almost as much as he loved prim-and-proper Mitsuru, or battle-crazed hailstorm Mitsuru. Most importantly, he loved that this was HIS Mitsuru, one that no one else got to have. He was going to cherish every inch of her.

Mitsuru stopped moving, and Akihiko had something else all his own: that beautiful face he loved so much, twisted into an expression he'd never thought he'd see with his own eyes. Not for Makoto, but for him.

He did this.

Mitsuru opened her eyes, and-

she was so radiant!

It was enough to push Akihiko over the edge himself. He might have sobbed out of pure joy. His arms gave out, and he dove headfirst into Mitsuru, drowning himself in her. Whatever I do with the rest of my life...it's for you. Now you really are my everything.

Mitsuru held him close and thanked every force of nature she could think of for continually bringing her Akihiko back to her. She wouldn't waste this chance to love him the way she always should have. She was meant to be with him. It had always been him; warm, protective, and nurturing. Her Persona had drawn her to him from the very beginning, because they were two halves of a whole heart.

It was easier than ever to fall asleep, her muscles relaxed to the point of not caring if the world was going to end again. Akihiko was cradling her. She allowed herself to drift off with him to somewhere glorious as her soul found a new purpose.

Please...help me feel this way forever.

Somewhere in the depths of a neverending nightmare,

Shadow Mitsuru threw her head back and screamed.

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I borrowed from my standalone smutfic and had Mitsuru on birth control, because no matter what angle I looked at it from, I just couldn't come up with a feasible reason for Akihiko to be carrying condoms around. He never shows much interest in girls outside of Social Links, realizes his heart belongs to Mitsuru, and then never has a chance to do anything about it, so buying them would probably only depress him. I think that stopping periods so you can participate in more battles sounds more practical, as far as Mitsuru is concerned. Also, it's sort of a rebellion against the Group wanting her to get married and produce an heir to the Kirijo fortune. Mitsuru strikes me as very much a "my body, my choice" woman.

I also took the tension-breaking moment from my other 'fic. I just think it's cute that two people who everyone thinks are so cool and put-together are actually massive dorks in private. Your first time can be scary. Don't expect it to be something straight out of a movie or compare it to anyone else's.