Chapter 5 - One Month
Wrecker has, genuinely, completely lost track of time since Hunter's been gone. He thinks it's been about a month since they got Omega back, and Echo's dropped in a few messages. There's never anything new, but Wrecker's touched he still checks in now and then. It makes him feel a little better about how their oldest brother is away.
Wrecker constantly worried about him, but Echo can handle himself, so he tries not to worry too much. He knows Echo made it this far, and he's still making it. He wants to think he'll be fine, but he did think the same about Hunter once, even if he's saved Hunter a good number more times.
He really misses both of them.
They're sort of settling in, anyway.
Omega spends a lot of time with Lyanna. She's attending the school on Pabu, even if it's fully optional for her. She's a lot quieter than she used to be, and it hurts.
The only one Wrecker's really around is Crosshair. He kind of hates it. It's nice to feel so close again after their time apart, but he wishes he could be like this with Tech, too.
And Hunter.
Tech's just so, so withdrawn and sometimes, Wrecker thinks he's just trying to make them react. He never used to be so mean.
Wrecker sometimes feels better after talking to Echo. Sometimes, he feels worse.
Sometimes, it's both.
Crosshair doesn't like the ocean. Wrecker thinks it's weird, but he's a bit twitchy when it's cloudy.
Wrecker sorta thought it was just a thing until it starts raining unexpectedly and Crosshair just flips.
Panics, actually.
They don't talk until Wrecker drags him back into the Marauder, with Tech, Omega, and Batcher crowding around.
Crosshair curls up in the chair, pressing his back against it miserably. He's not crying, though it's a near thing, and he's shaking.
Wrecker keeps an arm around him, holding him against his chest. "You okay?" he asks worriedly.
Crosshair sighs miserably. "It's nothing."
"Crosshair," Tech interrupts, moving in and touching his shoulder. "There are things that all of us struggle with. It does not harm anything for us to know. We will never use that against you."
He hisses out a strangled breath, leaning closer to Wrecker. "I know. I just don't like rain."
"You have never had a problem with it before."
"You did nearly drown on Kamino," Omega suggests, her hand over Crosshair's. "Does that have something to do with it?"
He sighs again. Shaking. Wrecker strokes his back, snuggling him closer. "Maybe."
"The rain here will not harm you," Tech promises.
"It will," he hisses, "If you disappear again."
Tech looks at Wrecker with the same helplessness that Wrecker himself is drowning in. He has no idea what to say. He really doesn't know what's wrong, or how to help.
"I don't understand," Wrecker protests, confused and maybe a bit hurt.
"I – I was on Kamino a while," Crosshair answers, "The Empire... didn't show up immediately."
"How long?" Tech queries. "How long was it, Crosshair?"
He shudders. "Too long. Thirty-two rotations."
Kaminoan or Standard? Wrecker feels icy. So many times, he'd worried about whether the Empire would pick up their little brother, but he also kind of didn't? He was there alone for almost a full month.
"They left you there all that time?" Omega asks, eyes wide and horrified.
"So did we," Tech realizes. He sounds angry, and his body is tense with what Crosshair suspects is fury.
They left their baby brother, too. Wrecker thought it was for something, that he'd be fine right there, but he was wrong, so it was really them who hurt Crosshair. He doesn't know how to deal with it.
Wrecker hugs him closer, begging the Force or whatever's listening that they find some way of dealing with all of this. They left Crosshair, and he was trapped there with no food for almost an entire month?
He doesn't really get violent urges, but for the first time in a while his fury flares up again, the desperate need to hurt something or hit and break. He wants to blow something up. He hasn't been this angry since he saw Hunter fall, since Omega dropped from the stunbolt on Ord Mantell, since Cid betrayed them.
Crosshair was hurt. He might never get better.
They left him behind.
The Empire abandoned him there, but they hurt him, too.
**w**
Wrecker doesn't quite remember how he and Tech got out here to one of the caves, but Tech is as angry as he is. They're both angry, because this is about Crosshair, the little brother they jointly share. And they hurt him.
They could've known the Empire was just gonna leave him.
"Why didn't ya know?" Wrecker asks, and he doesn't mean it accusing. He's just genuinely hurt.
"I do not know everything," Tech responds shortly.
"I know," Wrecker protests, "But – but they should've... said somethin'." He doesn't blame Tech, but he's desperate and hurt and in blatant denial of what they caused. They could've killed him.
"The Empire was not exactly informative of what they were intending to do with Kamino," Tech snaps back. "I was not aware of how long they were going to leave Crosshair, or I never would have been willing to walk away so hastily."
Wrecker wishes he hadn't, either. He thinks they all should've guessed it, at least – it was obvious they didn't care Crosshair was still on-world, but he thought Rampart or whoever was in charge would be far cleaner.
He's responsible for hurting his baby brother, too, and he has no idea how he's supposed to deal with that. Crosshair doesn't fault them, but Wrecker certainly does. Any of them could've pointed it out, could have guessed it, but there was nothing. Not even Hunter knew.
Wrecker doesn't blame him, especially with how Hunter was already hurt and everything at that point, but it still hurts.
His shoulders slump. "I know," he mumbles, looking away. He wants to cry, but crying isn't bringing Hunter back or undoing their entire lives. It's been too long since he hasn't done anything. When they were in action with Echo, he was able to focus, at least somewhat, on... the mission. It was easier when he could focus on the fight, on what he was good at, and...
It's been a long time since he's done any fighting whatsoever.
"There is nothing any of us can do to reverse what is done," Tech tells him bluntly, "All we can do is accept it and move on."
He misses Hunter. Hunter would tell him whatever it is he actually needed to hear, not the raw facts of something he already can't accept. Hunter knew how to help. Tech usually doesn't – his strength isn't emotion. It's facts.
Wrecker hates that Tech isn't exactly what he needs. He should be. He shouldn't want anythin' else.
Tech is amazing – most of the time.
"Is there something that can help?" he asks after a long pause of nothing but the crashing ocean waves beyond, and the darkness of the cave.
"I dunno," Wrecker mutters, "I kinda miss... being in action. I don't wanna fight, but at least I knew what we were doin'."
"I – understand what you are saying," Tech tells him, "Though fighting our situation will not alter it."
"The Empire hurt Crosshair." He's fumbling, trying to put his mess of thoughts into words somehow. "I wanna hurt them back." For that, and for Hunter, but no one can talk about Hunter. It always hurts too badly.
"If we are going to prevent him from being hurt further, and continue to protect Omega, we will not have that choice." Tech doesn't say what he wants, but Wrecker thinks it might be the same. Maybe.
"However, if we want to keep our fighting abilities up to par, I would not oppose practicing."
He's suggesting that they spar with each other out here?
Wrecker laughs at the chance of well, thrill. It's been a long time. "Now you're talkin'!"
**w**
They make a practice out of it after that. Wrecker and Tech do it a few times, then come back to the Marauder. Crosshair figures it out fast and asks if he can join. They keep running Omega through training every now and then.
It feels good.
Wrecker thinks it might burn off some of the irritating energy under his skin, so when they finally settle down to sleep, he can a little more often. Though that's primarily only when he's between or at least near all his siblings. Wrecker thinks it helps with the nightmares, at least a little bit.
**w**
There... are good days, Crosshair is starting to realize. It's strange, and he never stops feeling empty, but sometimes, it's tolerable.
Even Batcher is getting tamer. Enough to actively snuggle with anybody who pets her.
Omega takes him down by the ocean again. This time, even the crashing sounds of waves aren't enough to make him panic. That's good. He thinks it's a sign he's getting better. Doesn't want to hope, though.
Not too much.
He still panics whenever Tantiss is brought up. The dark is even worse than water – water is natural. Dark, enclosing gray walls certainly aren't. He doesn't think he'll ever be able to let go of what happened there.
There are people there, who should be gotten out, but...
Echo's taking time. They're still fruitlessly searching.
Rampart should know where Tantiss is. He did send Nala Se there, and Crosshair thinks sometimes that he should probably – say something, but he never does.
He doesn't want to get involved or to see him or Tantiss or Hemlock again.
He doesn't know if that option would work. Hopefully, Echo will find something soon without having to worry about Rampart double-crossing them.
He keeps telling himself he'll seriously think about it.
He'll just... wait a bit more.
**w**
Echo shows up unexpectedly one day. Wrecker's happy to see him in person again, even if their older brother isn't staying around. He's just there bringing three young clone cadets, who need somewhere to stay.
Mox, Deke, and Stak.
They're nicer than Wrecker thought they were gonna be. He could almost say he's friends with Mox and Deke. It's... nice.
He just wishes the brother Echo was able to find was Hunter.
**w**
Omega doesn't miss anything about Tantiss. Obviously. She'd be insane if she did, though hiding from her grief was sometimes easier. But... she does miss Emerie.
Very badly.
It's exhausting sometimes. She doesn't know what happened to her sister, or if she'll be alright there alone again. She wants to get her out, though Omega doesn't even know if she's been able to break free of Hemlock's brainwashing enough to want to come when they do finally make it there. Their entire situation is a mess, and certainly not one she's proud of.
She's not proud of spending most of the day hiding with Lyanna, either. It's easier than facing the one who is so obviously missing.
Hunter wouldn't be very happy with any of them. Omega is, decidedly, more unhappy with herself than she has been in a very long time.
She's running and hiding from all her problems like a coward. Tantiss. Hunter – she hates that Hunter's even on her list of problems. He shouldn't be.
She's back with her brothers – for the most part – but it hardly feels like it for how much she's been avoiding them.
It still feels like she ends up fighting with Tech all the time or that someone starts arguing and it's exhausting to deal with all the time. That's part of why she finds herself avoiding them so much, but she thinks it's just making it worse. She still has no idea what to do about it, though. Every time they're all together, all she can focus on is how someone is so glaringly obviously missing.
At least back on Tantiss, she never fought with Emerie. They never argued. Emerie was always so... gentle.
The way her brothers always used to be with her before everything fell apart.
And she definitely never wants to go back to Tantiss unless it's to rescue everyone there, but she wishes Emerie was here now. Does Emerie still think about her? Is she alright there?
Are they ever even going to find a way back to Tantiss to free everyone who's trapped there? Maybe half of why she wants to get back there so much is so that they can save someone from the Empire, the way they weren't bale tos ave Hunter. As if that'll ever be enough to bring him back.
It just has the potential to put the rest of her brothers in danger again. And she can't believe they're totally infallible anymore after what happened to Hunter. She doesn't want to risk them again even if she does still want to get to Tantiss.
She really, really wants to go back to what they used to be. There's no going back.
She can't stop thinking about all those clones on Tantiss. They needed help. Needed to be gotten out of there. They need to find a way back to help them. Somehow.
**w**
Wrecker doesn't even know how it ends up coming up again. Another nightmare or something – Crosshair gets very twitchy whenever lights suddenly come on. He'd just asked what's wrong, and Crosshair snarls a sharp, furious "that's what happens when you get an engine blown up in your face."
Wrecker pulls back, stung, looking at him. He doesn't understand. "What?" he asks, confused.
Crosshair hisses, looking away. He doesn't really answer, and Wrecker's worry only grows.
"Nothing," he mutters, slumping. He's so defeated now. Wrecker hates it. He always used to be a fighter. Tantiss broke him, and Wrecker hates that.
"W – what happened? Is that how you got that?" He motions awkwardly to Crosshair's scar. How could that've happened?
"The engine backfired," Crosshair mutters, "I'd tried to go for you. It hit me instead. Guess I had it coming."
"That was from Bracca?" Wrecker chokes out panickily. He can't quite fathom that – he'd been focused on not getting fried. Hadn't thought at all about how Crosshair was standing right out there. He thought he was far away enough to be safe. "I – we thought you were..."
"I was trying to cut off your escape." And nearly killed Tech. Wrecker saw Hunter grab him before he fell.
That's twice. Eriadu was twice. He tries not to think about it.
"I'm sorry," Wrecker tells him, slumping a little. He feels awful. They hurt Crosshair in more ways than he even realized when all they wanted was to protect him. He sort of wishes he knew how Hunter would take this, what he'd say to make it right.
"That... was my fault," he mutters, "Not yours."
Well, a little bit, but it certainly doesn't feel that way.
**w**
"I can't believe we've still found nothing on Tantiss," Omega sighs, glaring at her plate. She basically never wants to eat anymore, and it's so hard to find things to even temporarily distract herself.
"The Empire has, evidently, kept any information tightly concealed," Tech responds, "It will take time."
"Those clones are still on Tantiss. They need our help. We should be doing more to help them."
"There is nothing we can do to help," Tech replies firmly.
Omega sighs. "It doesn't feel like that. We know Tantiss better than anyone. We could've pulled the coordinates before leaving."
"My priority is keeping all of you safe," Tech answered shortly. "That is what is important."
"What about them?" Omega argues, "Other people need our help, Tech." Wrecker and Crosshair are quiet. They keep looking at each other, though she doesn't break gaze with Tech. She's never asked where they stand, though Crosshair's made it very evident he doesn't want to go back. He's said it. Multiple times.
"They might require assistance, but that does not mean we are the ones who have to deliver it."
Her rage bristles. She saw all those people and had to ignore their pain for so long. How can Tech be so cold about it? She was a part of enforcing that, and she could only ignore it for weeks. It was awful. They needed help, and they still need help, but Tech only cares about her and Crosshair, because they're the only ones important to him. "How can you be like that?" she snaps. "How can you turn them down when they need us?"
Tech can be a bit cold, but she's never seen it like this before. It's entirely out of nowhere.
"We came to Pabu to settle down and avoid any further entanglements with the Empire. I have no intention of breaking that."
"But –"
"This is what Hunter ordered," Tech continues over her. "This is what he died for, and I will not allow his sacrifice to be wasted."
It's another of the things that are just facts to him, but mean so much to Omega, and he just states them like they're nothing.
Omega looks down, feeling sick and like she was hit even though she certainly wasn't. Tech wouldn't hit her. She still just feels – awful. Helping people wouldn't be wasting Hunter's sacrifice.
It... wouldn't, right? But it's still what she wants to do.
She knows what she wants.
**w**
Omega's been avoiding them for maybe a week – Crosshair's a little worried over her sudden absence. It means she's brooding again – before she returns to ask him and Wrecker what they think.
"I dunno," Wrecker mumbles, "Tech's got a point."
She looks at Crosshair, like there's even a chance he might care to help some random regs. Like he hasn't clearly told her many times that there's nothing even excusably good about him. She's naïve. Maybe he's different and loyal to his family again, but that doesn't mean he's good. Or a self-sacrificing moron.
"They're Echo's mission," he answers, "Not ours."
"Maybe it should be," she objects, "You were on Tantiss, too, Crosshair. You know what it's like."
"I know," Crosshair throws back, "That we are never going back there." The kid must want that, somewhere – she just wants to make sure no one else can go there more. Which is so, so stupid. The regs would never do the same for them.
"We are safe here," Wrecker reminds, "We gotta stay outta sight."
"Why don't either of you want to help?"
Because I'm not an idiot I know even if we make it back to Tantiss, we'll never get inside and we'll be captured and I don't want the screams I hear every day to be Wrecker's or Tech's or Echo's, I don't want them to be people I know, I don't want to get strapped down to a table all day and poked and prodded and electrocuted, I don't want to be ripped apart and be a lab experiment again, I don't want to feel nothing but pain until I can hardly move or breathe or scream anymore, to see you're new best friend staring down mindlessly at me – Emerie tortured me for hours, did you know that? It was over one full rotation, and that's fine to you, because she's your sister, but you're not the one who thrashed and screamed and cried until your throat was raw and you would've begged for death if you could talk at all. I can't see Hemlock again, can't see those mindless gray walls can't spend every second knowing I'll never make it home when all I want is Hunter, and there won't be anyone to come back to if we're all there. I can't do that again. Not when I can finally be free.
"Because that's not our mission," Crosshair grits out instead.
Is he selfish? Yes. He always has been. He's not afraid of that.
"The mission is finding Tantiss. And I want to be doing something to help."
"You are. By staying here and out of trouble."
Oops.
Omega probably hasn't glared at anyone that hard in her life.
"How can we pretend nothing's wrong when those clones are still being hurt because of us?"
How could she have forgotten everything she went through there, too? She talked to him about it every night. It was wearing on her, too. The dull monotony of it all – she used to be so energetic when they first met. Between Hunter and Tantiss, and Emerie – someone she trusted telling her over and over how she's free, how she means something – it was starting to get to her.
It was hurting her. She's a kid. She deserves to be free.
"Omega..." Wrecker shuffles awkwardly. He's at a loss for words, too, and Crosshair glances at him desperately, hoping he'll think of something first. They talked about it after the argument with Tech. Wrecker's terrified of losing someone else. Between, Crosshair, Echo, Hunter, and the kid, he just – can't. "I – I don't wanna fight anymore," he mumbles.
"Same," Crosshair seconds, not to mention he can't fight anymore. "I don't ever want to go back there."
Omega sighs. There's something almost defeated about her now. He hates it. Hates he did this, too. "That's okay. I understand."
She's losing herself to grief. To rage.
Crosshair knows where that goes.
Rage had been what had him corner his brothers in an ion engine and ignite it.
Grief had been what forced him to confront them on Kamino, hurting Hunter and walking away.
Those are what destroyed him.
He doesn't want this kid to walk the same path.
He doesn't know how to stop her.
**w**
Tech admires Hunter's ability to lead them, truthfully. The majority of their interactions with each other now includes some sort of dispute, whether it's serious or minor, violent or mostly calm.
All he does know is that it has been sixty-two rotations since he rescued Crosshair and Omega from Tantiss. It is almost remarkable that they have been able to remain living primarily within the Marauder all this time.
Omega wants to help Echo. She has made that abundantly clear, and she will not let it go, no matter how many times he cautions her against it. Omega is stubborn, far more so than Crosshair, though considering how this involves her wellbeing, he has no desire to give into her demands. He has no desire to make a choice that will allow her or the twins to be harmed.
He cannot understand her desire to help those on Tantiss. Perhaps, in part, he agrees, but she is driving herself and all of them to destruction.
Hunter already died for this. Tech will not allow another of his brothers to die.
He is the one who was insistent on locating Crosshair. Tech is the one who made the miscalculation on Eiradu.
They came here permanently. That is what Hunter had ordered.
He is grateful to have Crosshair back, though his youngest brother is something of a shadow of his former self.
He understands Omega's anger. Tech is angry, too. Crosshair was hurt, but the best they can do to help him is to keep him safely away from Tantiss.
He and Crosshair are together alone – Wrecker is out with Omega and Lyanna – when he notices his little brother clenching and unclenching his hand again. He's been practicing with his rifle every now and then, but it looks wrong without his armor.
He hasn't put it on since they came back.
"Your hand is getting worse," he notes.
Crosshair sighs, shaking it again. "I – it's fine."
"It is not," he objects, "However, if this is not something you desire to speak of, I will respect it."
"I'm a liability," Crosshair mutters, glaring down at it.
"It may be a setback, but there will always be ways to work with or around it."
"I can't use it," he snaps back, "I can't hit a single target anymore."
"We are not fighting any longer. Your ability to do so is not crucial."
"You said yourself the Empire might show up someday."
"It is always a legitimate concern."
Crosshair glares at him, though he's not angry. Tech hesitantly reaches for him, laying his hand over his little brother's. It's still warm, though the slight tremors in it make it... different. "You initially struggled with your aim. As did Wrecker, with losing half of his sight. That is natural. But we must adapt with whatever resources we have."
"Or don't have."
"That is correct."
He curls his fingers over Crosshair's hand and squeezes it gently. "We will always be here to protect you, and to steady you, if that is what you require."
"Thank you," Crosshair whispers. "For everything."
"I was doing my duty to protect you. That is what family does."
"I've done so much to you."
Hunter would have known what to say, but Tech isn't Hunter. But he can still try to be the same support – that is what Hunter would have wanted. "We have all made mistakes. I... would make different choices than the majority of the ones I have made if I knew the outcomes, but at the time, I am aware I made the best decision I could, given the information I had. And it was our going to Eriadu that led to bringing you home. That is not a choice I regret."
"Even if... it cost you Hunter."
"Yes. This is what he wanted. All of us to besafe. And I intend to keep it that way."
Final Notes: Reviews are always appreciated! ^-^
Come hang out on Discord (delete spaces), discord . gg / nqSxuz2 or find us on tumblr at fanfictasia (our more serious blog which does have controversial posts on it; I won't be offended if you choose to block it, promise), and disastertriowriting (which is our fun blog with crack posts or incorrect SW quotes)
We've got a YT channel for tributes! (delete the spaces) youtube channel / UC_g1M5rSCxJUzQCRS29B6pA
ALSO: We have SW gift request forms for General, Anakin-Clones-centric, and Bad Batch fics. :D (delete spaces) bit . ly / CourtesyTrefflinFicRequests