When I pulled into the driveway at home, and drove up to the house, and then parked, I sat there for a few minutes just staring out the
windshield. It felt like the end of an era, or however they say that. Well, it was the end, wasn't it? There'd been that short few weeks in between
when Doc G died, and then when I started hanging around, helping Ivy, and then working for her thru the program, and well-it was just a long
time that that shabby veterinary office had been a part of my life.
A palm against the side of my truck had me jumping, startled into surprise.
"Hey," Evan said, appearing at my open truck window.
"Damn it," I swore. "You scared me! Why'd you do that?!"
"I didn't think you were gonna jump ten feet in the air," Evan said, and I could tell he was highly amused.
"Well, don't do it again," I said, irritated.
"What's got your tail so twisted?" Evan asked, with customary bluntness.
I turned to stare at him. Really, it was more of a glare.
"Oh, not a thing," I said, with sarcasm. "Everything's just peachy." My sarcasm turned to a flash of temper. "My gosh, Evan! Surely even you could
at least try to understand-"
"Understand just what, exactly?" Evan demanded.
I kept staring, hard, at him.
"You could try to be sensitive," I said.
Evan gave me a hard look, too. "I don't know what in the heck you're talkin' about, Harlie."
"What?" I asked, stunned for a moment. I'd just assumed the whole family had been alerted somehow to the decline and fall of my recent days.
Generally secrets are not kept in our family. Not for long, anyway.
Though secret wasn't the right word. My downfall wasn't a secret. I was just surprised that Evan hadn't been privy to some of the
conversations that I was certain were being passed around the house about me.
Evan shook his head and shrugged, to show that he was clearly in the dark.
"I'm out of the work program," I said, dully.
"How come?"
"You have to keep your grades to a certain average, or you're out," I said.
"Your grades are no good, huh?" Evan asked.
"Nope," I said, and stared ahead out the windshield again.
"That's rough, Har," Evan said.
"Yeah," I said, still staring ahead.
"Maybe you can figure somethin' out," he said.
"Like what?" I asked, turning to look at him. "What do you mean?"
"Maybe you could work for Ivy on Saturdays," he suggested.
I admit, I had thought of that myself. At least, I'd still be able to be a part of what I loved to do, though on a more limited basis. But that wouldn't solve
my embarrassment at having to be back at school full days again-and besides that, Evan had forgotten about one or two major roadblocks
in that suggestion.
"Have you been out of school that long?" I asked. "So long that you've forgotten about Crane? And Adam, too. Or-didn't Crane watch you
like a hawk when you were in high school? It seems like I remember him getting onto you and Daniel about grades-"
"You remember it right," Evan said. "He did."
"Then what makes you think he'll let me work on Saturdays? He won't."
"Maybe if you show him-" Evan started to suggest.
"I don't feel like showing him anything," I said, cutting off the suggestion.
Evan was eyeing me. I could tell, out of the corner of my eye. I thought if he started lecturing me or anything I would scream.
"Don't lecture at me," I said, and turned, gathering up my book bag. I had, as Adam had ordered me to, brought home some homework.
"You're in a real sweet mood, aren't you?" Evan said, as I opened the door, and he moved out of the way.
"Well, I have a right to feel bad," I defended myself.
"You gotta pick yourself back up again, Har," Evan said. "It won't do you any good in the long term to let it get the best of you."
"Easy for you to say," I muttered, hugging my bag to my chest. "And, you're lecturing."
"Ok. Whatever. I'm just tryin' to give you some advice," Evan said.
I had a sudden thought. If I could-
"What are you and Nancy doing tonight?" I asked.
"That's a quick change of subject," he said.
I kept looking at him, hopefully.
"I don't think we're doin' anything special."
"Can I come up for the night?" I asked. Warming to the idea, I turned pleading. "Please, Ev? It would be really nice to get away from
the house-and everything."
"I thought you were grounded," he said, showing that he was aware of at least some things going on around the McFadden house.
"Yeah. But, that shouldn't include spending time with you and Nancy."
"Are you trying to convince yourself, or practicing for Crane and Adam?" Evan asked me, with a grin.
"Can I?" I persisted.
"You know it's alright with me and Nancy. But, you gotta ask them."
"I will," I told him.
"Okay. See you later," he said, heading onto the barn.
"Yeah." I paused. "Hey, Ev?"
Evan stopped and looked back at me.
"I'm sorry about being snarky and saying you weren't being understanding and all of that-" I began. "I just thought you would already know."
"Well, I'll see you later," Evan said, in reply. He didn't say it was alright what I'd said to him, but I could tell he wasn't mad about it, either.
I felt a bit better as I went inside to drop off my school stuff. I went to the kitchen, to see if Hannah was around. I could hear Isaac babbling,
and found him scooting around the kitchen in his walker. Hannah and Clare were sitting at the table, peeling potatoes.
"Hey there, toots," Clare greeted me, echoed by Hannah, "Hi, sweetie."
"Hi," I said, going to pull down a glass from the cabinet.
"How is Ivy?" Hannah asked. Not, I noticed, asking about how my last afternoon there went, but how Ivy was. I knew Hannah well enough, though, to know that it was
her way of round-about, seeing if I was doing alright.
"She's good," I said, filling my glass with water from the faucet. I turned to face them, leaning, and drinking the water.
"Do you think I could go spend the night at the cabin?" I asked, coming directly to the thing on my mind.
Hannah looked at me, still peeling while she did so. "You'll have to talk to Adam," she said.
"I know. I just thought I'd talk to you first," I said.
Both Hannah and Clare were looking somewhat sympathetic, Clare especially.
"I really need to," I said.
It seemed as though Hannah was going to say something. Then she seemed to pause, and what she did say was, "Well, you talk to Adam and see what
he says."
I sighed. And put the empty glass in the sink.
"It's not like I'm asking a lot," I complained. It was a mild complaint, but I felt like I was entitled to it.
Hannah stopped peeling now, and laid the paring knife aside. "I'm not saying that you are."
"I know," I grumbled. "But I know they're going to fuss at me. I just need a night to forget about things."
"Everybody needs a chance to relax at times," Clare offered up.
I sent her a grateful look, wishing for a moment that Clare was in charge. She'd let me go for the night-she'd understand about
everything-
I realized Hannah was saying something and brought back my attention to her.
"There's no harm in talking to Adam about it, Harlie. But-you need to remember to watch how you express yourself."
I sighed again. 'I know." I went outside without saying anything else, and went to do my chores. I fed the goats and herded them back into
their pen, from where they'd been grazing all day. I was feeding the barn cats when I heard the low rumble of male voices from
the other side of the barn. And it was Crane. And Adam. Together. Along with Guthrie, who was holding a handkerchief to his forehead.
I could see the red peeking from the sides of the handkerchief.
"What happened, Guth?" I asked, walking up to him, still holding the full can of cat food. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm okay," Guthrie said.
"Guthrie, you get on in the house, and let Clare or Hannah fix that up for you," Adam said.
"Alright," Guthrie said, and set off towards the house.
"What did he do?" I asked.
"Got in kissing distance to some thorns," Adam said.
"Oh." I studied both of them covertly as I went about feeding the cats, who were rubbing against my legs. They both looked as usual, not really obviously in
a bad mood, or anything, just regular. Talking about fence and all of that. I wondered where Brian was.
I set the bucket back where it belonged, and then, when I turned, I decided to wait until Crane either left or he stayed, and I could maybe
get Adam by himself. At least, that way, I might get somewhere easier.
I puttered around, doing not really anything but petting the cats, until Crane did leave, and I heard the sound of the Jeep firing up.
Adam, meanwhile, went back to the wall where the tools and supplies are kept and started rooting thru a dusty box.
I went over to stand beside him. "What are you looking for?" I asked him.
"Some 10-penny nails," Adam said.
"Oh."
I pulled another box forward and started looking thru it.
"How was your day?" Adam asked me, as he dug thru the box.
"Okay."
"Made it okay at Ivy's?"
I knew he was, as Hannah had been, checking in with me in his own way.
"Yeah. It was hard," I admitted.
"I'm sure it was."
I waited for a couple of moments go by. "Would it be okay if I spent the night at Evan's?" I asked.
"Tonight?"
"Yeah."
"Hand me those, will you?" Adam said, pointing to a box of nails just within my reach. I grabbed the box and handed it to him, at which
point he gave me his full attention.
"I don't know, Harlie," he said, sounding doubtful. "I think you probably need to stay home."
Immediately, I felt emotional. "Why, Adam?" I asked, hearing the pleading in my voice. "I'm not asking to go out somewhere-to the movies or
anything like that-"
"Which you know not to do," Adam cut in. "Because you're grounded."
I wanted to protest so hard, to whine, and badger. Years of training, and the occasional punishment when I did whine, had taught me
that wasn't wise with my brothers.
I was quiet, with he and I just looking at each other. Adam looked serious. Not angry, but not in the mood to be messed with.
I guess he saw the distress in my eyes, because his tone was softer. "I know today was rough for you," he said.
I swallowed, hard. "I just want a night to not think about it all," I said.
Adam studied me, long, and, as usual, it felt as though he was reading me, from the inside-out.
"Did you bring home all your work? Your books?" he asked. I felt a flicker of hope leap at that question.
"Yes. I did."
"They might have something planned for tonight," Adam said, and I could tell he was going to let me go.
"No," I hurried to tell him. "Evan said it was alright-if you did."
"Alright," Adam said, and I felt a wave of emotion rush over me.
"Thank you," I said, feeling still emotional.
"Tomorrow you help Hannah around the house, and then you buckle down with your homework. Don't leave it all to Sunday."
I would have promised anything right then, likely, that's how grateful I felt.
"I will," I said, in promise. "I mean, I'll do it."
He nodded, and I let out a long breath.
"Alright," he said, again, and took the box of nails, preparing to leave the barn. I was suddenly struck by the fact that I should tell him
about the morning-
"Adam," I said, and he paused, waiting.
"I was late to school this morning."
"Yeah," he said, misunderstanding. "You gave the office the note Crane wrote for you, didn't you?"
I nodded. "But I was later-more than I should have been."
"How much later?"
"Second hour," I admitted.
Adam frowned. "Why?"
"I drove a different way. And I didn't exactly hurry."
"Why?" he asked, again, his frown deepening.
I opened my mouth to make an excuse, and then I closed it again.
"I don't have an excuse," I admitted, trying to meet his eye.
"Just felt like it, huh?" Adam asked, in a challenge. "Gonna show the school who's boss, or something like that?"
I felt bad now, for my morning driving jaunt. The way he said that-it made me sound like a real child. Immature.
"I'm sorry," I said, really quietly.
"You don't really deserve to even spend the night at Evan's," Adam said, sternly. "That's nonsense, Harlie."
I stayed quiet, nipping at my lower lip. He was going to make me stay home-
"You don't do that again," he said, then. "Purposefully be late to school like that. You hear me?"
I nodded, subdued.
"Alright." He moved to start walking out of the barn, and I followed him. "And you be home early tomorrow."
I still got to go? Before I thought it out, I reached out to squeeze his hand.
"I'll be home early," I promised.
7