I stared outside for a while, way after Adam had driven down the driveway with Crane.

I felt edgy, and restless, and I kept pushing the screen door open with my fingers, and then letting it flat shut. Push open. Flat shut. Push open. Flap

shut. Push open. Flap shut.

"Harlie. Quit," Brian ordered.

I turned to look at him, where he was sitting on the couch, reading the newspaper.

"Quit what?" I asked, innocently.

"Quit that flappin' of the door," he said. "It's gettin' on my nerves."

"Sorry," I said, automatically, not necessarily feeling sorry. I sighed, and kept staring outside.

"Why don't you sit down or something?" he told me.

"I don't feel like sitting down," I said. "I wish I could have gone along."

Guthrie came bounding up the front steps, opening the screen door and pushing past me.

"Where'd Adam and Crane go?" he asked. "I saw 'em drivin' faster than the Jeep likes to go."

"They went to Kristen's," I said.

Guthrie stopped right where he was. "Huh? Why?" he asked, instantly suspicious.

"There was a fracas going on," I told him. "They were worried."

"They'll be back after awhile," Brian said, from his spot on the couch. He'd put down the newspaper, and was sitting, one booted foot

across the opposite knee.

"Why didn't you come and get me, Har?" Guthrie demanded, and went to the back of the sofa, where he'd thrown his jacket earlier. He

began plunging his hand into the jacket pocket, and retrieved his truck keys. He jiggled them in his hand, and it was plain to me, and to

Brian, certainly, what his intention was.

"Just hold it up a minute, Guthrie," Brian said.

"What?" Guthrie asked, turning to Brian.

"They'll be back once they see what's going on. No need for you to go in there, all lit up," Brian told him.

"There's a need," Guthrie objected. "I gotta make sure Kristen's okay."

"That's what the two of them are doing. Just sit tight."

I heard the no-give to Brian's voice. The warning to not cross.

Guthrie's eyes were snapping. "I can't just sit here, Brian! You don't know what she goes thru in that hell-hole-"

Brian uncrossed his leg, and stood up. "I've got a good idea of it," he said. "And it's a damn shame. But it's no place for you to

be right about now, so just sit tight."

For what seemed like an eternity, they surveyed each other. Males. Strong-headed and stubborn. Youth and authority facing off.

Thinking to help out to defuse the tension, I said, "Adam said the same, Guthrie. You're not supposed to go-"

"Stay out of it," Guthrie said, turning to me, his tone clipped. "You're the one that had her near cryin' earlier today."

I felt his words, painfully. "I apologized," I said. "We talked about it-"

"Yeah. Okay," Guthrie said, and the way he said it was very clear that it was not okay.

"You said you weren't mad at me about it," I reminded him, stung.

"I never said that. You told me you'd call, and I said okay, but I didn't say I wasn't mad at ya about it."

My hurt feelings bobbed in under my temper. "Yeah?" I said, in challenge.

Brian was there, beside us. "That's enough. From both of you."

"My friendship with Kristen is my business, Guthrie!" I flashed at him. "Not yours!"

"You just go around sayin' whatever you want," Guthrie accused.

Suddenly, there was a hand on my shoulder, and one on Guthrie's. A hard hand.

"Enough," Brian said.

I clamped my lips together. I felt as though I was going to explode. Right there in the McFadden family living room. There would be

pieces of Harlie McFadden everywhere, to be scraped off the walls...

"Can I go for a walk?" I asked, feeling desperate to get away. From them both.

Brian sighed. "Yes. Go."

He dropped his hand from my shoulder, and I pushed past Guthrie, not gently, and went outside. I was down the stairs and headed

towards the pasture.

7

I stayed outside until after dark. Sitting in the pasture grass, with Warrior by my side. I could see the house from where I was

sitting, but no one from the house would be able to see me. Not without looking hard.

I petted Warrior, and smelled the grass and the hay, and heard the horses nicker to each other. I began to feel the edges of my

mood relax. I heard the Jeep drive back up, and sat on my knees in the tall grass, wondering if they would have Kristen with them.

They didn't. It was just the two of them. Adam and Crane. The front screen door opened and Guthrie came out in a burst.

I wondered how forceful Brian had had to be to keep Guthrie in the house the way that he had. Guthrie and Adam and Crane

talked for a few minutes, and Brian came out, too. Then Hannah. I could hear their voices, but not their words.

I sat back down in the grass, my back to the house.

A regular McFadden conference, I thought. I hoped that Kristen was okay. Probably her mom had just told Frank to leave, like she

always did.

The sun was setting, and I knew I had to be going inside soon. There was a whistle from a bit away, and then closer.

"Harlie!"

I raised my hand so it could be seen over the top of the grass. "Over here," I called.

Adam swished thru the grass and stood beside me. "Time to come in," he said, dusting the top of my head with his fingers.

I turned to look up at him. "Is Kristen okay?"

"She's okay. Frank left. For the night at least."

I sighed, and turned back to watching the sunset. "That's good, I guess."

"Come on inside now," Adam said, and turned to head back to the house.

He sounded tired. And, I knew that he probably was. He'd had a full day of ranch work, and then family, and then

going to Kristen's, and now he likely just wanted to go to bed.

I sat there for a minute or more longer, and then I heard his voice, maybe about halfway to the house, and he'd obviously

discovered I wasn't trailing behind him.

"Harlie!" This time his call was more of a yell, and it wasn't a call to find where I was, but a yell that I wasn't

moving fast enough.

Warrior, faithful as ever, was sitting and waiting for me to get up, instead of following Adam.

"I'm coming," I said, and stood up. I swished back thru the grass, and to where he was standing, waiting for me.

"You having trouble listening?" he asked.

"I'm listening," I said.

"It doesn't seem like it. What's up with you and Guthrie?"

"No secrets 'round here," I groused, annoyed that Brian, or Guthrie had told him about earlier.

"Are there supposed to be secrets 'round here?" Adam countered. Up close, I could see that his face did show how tired he

was. I felt a sudden wave of guilt. He had so much to do...

"No, Adam," I said, meekly.

"So what is it, then?"

"I hurt Kristen's feelings today. Guthrie got all het up about it, and read me the riot act. I apologized and I thought everything

was okay, but then he tells me that it's not," I said, in a flurry of words.

Adam studied me, looking thoughtful, his forehead wrinkled. Finally he said, "What did you say to Kristen?"

I deflated even more, looking up at him. That's what he was asking me? I couldn't help but feel he should have been more

concerned about whether I'd been hurt, too, but-Of course, he'd just come from Kristen's chaotic house, and was feeling concerned

and sorry for her.

I also did not want to tell Adam that the words Kristen and I had exchanged had been about Crane, and I'd ended it by complaining

about him to her.

I mean, obviously, Adam had to know that, as a teen, I would be put out at family at times, and vent to a friend. In this case, though,

I wasn't anxious for him to hear about it.

"I said stuff that I shouldn't have," I said, vaguely.

"Like what?"

I sighed, blowing my bangs up with my breath. "She thinks Crane walks on water. Because he's been so good to her."

Adam raised an eyebrow and with a nod, to encourage me to keep talking.

"She doesn't have anybody that watches out for her grades, and all that," I said.

"Harlie Marie. Just talk straight," he said, in impatience.

"I told her if she had someone like him always on her back about stuff, she wouldn't like it," I said, in admittance.

The look of utter disappointment on Adam's face made me nearly cringe.

"Harlie," he said, softly now, like it was causing him pain.

"I was just blowing off steam, Adam," I said. "And-"

"Alright," Adam said, holding up a hand to halt my words. "Let's just-stop for right now. Get your shot done, and get

your shower for bed."

"Are you mad at me now?" I asked, plaintively.

"I'm not happy with you," he said. "It's not you having a set-to with Kristen that upsets me. You apologized to her. Obviously, I

don't like it that you're griping about Crane like that-he's good to you kids, damn good, and-"

"I know he is!" I interrupted him. "I was just-blowing, Adam, like I said."

"It's a lot of things with you lately," Adam went on, not acknowledging my 'blowing' comment. "You're off track. And, it

doesn't seem as though you're tryin' to get back on again."

"I haven't failed a test or a quiz in two weeks!" I burst out. Two weeks was a slight exaggeration, but-

"That's good," he said. "It's your attitude, though. Your whole outlook is bad."

I felt like a balloon that had just had every bit of air released from it. "It's hard what happened-I'm trying to accept it-"

"I know that it's hard. We all know that it's hard for you. And, we've every one of us, tried to understand and support you thru it. But,

you have to try too, Harlie. A hell of a lot harder than you have been."

That was it. I was done. I swiped at my face, willing my tears to hold off, until I was out of his presence.

"Okay," I said,

Adam was silent, and it felt as though he was looking through me. He reached out and gripped my upper arm, pulling me

closer. He gave me a hug. It wasn't one of his good ones, though. The kind that make me feel like everything is right in the

world. This hug was quicker, and when he broke the hug off, he patted my back.

"Get ready for bed," he said.

7

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