I didn't see Guthrie any more that night before I went up to bed. I don't know where he was. Whether he had gone to bed already, or if he was
watching television, maybe. I went in the back door with Adam, and then, after my shot, up the back stairs to take a shower. So, it's possible
he was watching tv, since i didn't go into the living room. I didn't care to see anybody, really. My little chat with Adam had taken what was
left of my desire to be family-sociable right now.
My shower was short. The hot water was nearly gone. I went to bed right afterwards, not even reading or anything like I usually did.
7
The next morning at breakfast, sitting next to Guthrie, he didn't talk to me. I didn't talk to him, either. He talked to everybody else,
though. Mostly to Adam, and to Brian, about how he wanted to drive Kristen home after school. Adam began with his usual
cautionary talking.
"You can take her home, Guth," Adam said. "But no way do you go inside, hear me?"
"Frank probably won't be there," Guthrie objected.
"Might be or might not be," Adam said. "Even if he's not, he could show up while you're there. And, we don't need you getting into it
with her brother, either."
"I want to talk to her for awhile," Guthrie said. "There's never enough time at school."
"Then talk to her," Brian said. "Go to the Dari Kurl, or the park. Just not at her place."
Guthrie gave a resigned nod, and I got up, taking my plate to the sink, and going to the living room to gather up my stuff for
school. I went back upstairs to brush my teeth, and then, when I finally made my way out onto the porch to go to school, all three, A, B and C
Brothers McFadden were there. Standing, talking to Guthrie, and in Adam's case, cup of coffee in hand.
"You two could ride together again, you know," Brian said. "Save some gas money."
I restrained myself from rolling my eyes. Brian did have a valid point, and there really wasn't a reason for me not to ride with Guthrie to and
from school, except for the fact that I didn't feel like it. And, I was fairly certain Guthrie felt the same. At least this morning, when we were
at odds with each other.
"Guthrie has stuff to do," I said, in objection.
"I didn't mean today, necessarily," Brian said. "But maybe sometimes."
Since I had little money from Ivy's left, or from my share of cattle sales, which they make me put in savings, anyway, and that meant
that they were mostly paying for my gas, I pressed my lips together and kept silent. Let Guthrie answer.
"She can if she wants," Guthrie said, giving me a side-eye. "Tomorrow, maybe."
"Or you could ride with me, too. It can go both ways," I said.
There was momentary silence, and I gave the circle of faces a questioning look. "Right?" I prompted.
"Good grief," Guthrie muttered. "You always gotta have somethin' to say-"
"Guthrie," Adam said, halting Guthrie's comment. "Let's not start something. Brian's right about savin' some gas
money when you're both going to the same place. And Harlie's right about it being both of you at times. So-let's see what can be
worked out, alright?"
"Yeah, okay, fine," Guthrie said.
"Yeah, fine," I echoed, still irritated. All this conversation had done was reinforce to me what a downfall my life had taken, and how
it wouldn't have even been suggested if I hadn't had to leave the work program.
My eyes flicked over their faces again. It was Brian's expression that caught me. He was surveying me in what seemed like a
displeased way. I didn't like it. Brian can be very intimidating, without much effort at all.
Guthrie was saying goodbye, and I mumbled goodbye, too, and headed towards my truck.
"Have a good day," Adam said, as he always did.
Crane added a 'drive safe' meant for both of us.
7
At lunch I ate with the usual group of six of us. I tentatively greeted Guthrie.
"Hey, Guth," I said, as Kenny and I sat down at the outside table, joining Guthrie and Kristen, and Lori and Trent.
"Hey," he answered.
"Hi, Kristen," I said. I hadn't seen her yet today except for passing the hallways.
"Hi, Harlie," she said, with a small smile at me. She looked, well, she looked all vulnerable, like a turtle who was pulling herself
into her own middle. I wasn't sure how to describe it, but that was what I thought of.
The conversation went on as usual. School, sports, upcoming events, all of that. Kristen was quiet, and I was, too, mostly.
Lori, talkative as always, was chattering on about a girl's sleepover she was going to have the weekend after the upcoming one.
"I was thinking of Mary, and Elise, and then the three of us," Lori said to Kristen and I. "My mom said we can order pizza in, and maybe
go bowling first. What do you think?"
What I thought was that it sounded like a lot of fun. And I wished that I could go. But only a week and a half away-I wasn't sure
if my grades would be up enough that I would be off my grounding.
I didn't want to say that now, though, in front of everybody, even though Lori had known I was grounded. She's forgetful like that.
"It sounds fun," I said, and Kristen echoed, "It sounds great."
"My dad will be gone," Lori said, which to her I knew was the piece de resistance to her whole party.
Lori's dad is pretty much of a hard-ass. So, the fact that she was having a sleepover when her father wasn't going to be home was
no shock.
"I'm not sure if I'll be able to come," Kristen offered, in a super quiet tone.
Lori immediately began to coax. "You have to come-it's going to be great-"
"I want to," Kristen said, hastily. "I'll have to see-about my mom and all..."
"Okay," Lori said, and I was glad she was letting it drop for now. This sure was not the time to tell Lori that I wasn't sure I could come,
either.
7
I was handed back a test paper that afternoon, in Anatomy. It was a B-, and I was full of glee. I couldn't wait to show Crane-
It was the same as ruined later when my psychology teacher also gave a test paper back, and it was a C-. Nearly a D. That wouldn't be a big deal, necessarily,
usually, but it was for me. That's one of the classes that I've had a higher grade in so far, and a C- on this would take my main grade from a B to a possible C.
I wanted to cry. I held it together during Home Ec, and study hall. Megan was gone, thank goodness, though Jacy was
still present. She smirked at me a couple of times, but didn't approach me. Possibly helped along by Chelsea's dagger looks at her.
After school, I began my drive home, then turned around at the edge of town. I drove back to the pay phone that sits near the telephone
company office. I dug for change in the center console, and went to the phone. Someone had thought it was funny to put some
chewing gum on the ear part of the receiver.
I muttered a curse word, and went to get a tissue. I wiped off what I could with the tissue, and told myself I would wash my hair and my
ear when I got home.
I dialed the number to the club where Daniel works. For some reason I can remember it from memory, but not his house phone number.
I deposited the money when told to, and the southern female voice that I've spoken to before answered the phone with a cheery
greeting.
I said hello and asked if Daniel was there.
She recognized my voice as well, because she said, "This is his sister, right?"
I said yes, and she laughed. "I thought it was." I heard her calling out for someone named Duke, and then asking if
Daniel was there yet.
"We think he's here, hon," she said to me. "Hang on."
I said thank you and heard the phone clunk down.
Within a couple of minutes, Daniel was there.
"Hey, squirt!"
Just the sound of his greeting, like he was really glad to hear from me, made me tear up.
"Hey," I said.
"What's up? How are you?" he was asking.
I wanted to talk to him. I did. But-there was only so much time, because I didn't have any more change with me, so instead
I said, "How are you? How is Jill?"
"We're alright. Jill's not feelin' great lately, but we're hanging in there."
"Is it morning sickness still?" I asked. I didn't think Jill had had morning sickness, not like Clare, but maybe that was it now.
"Every once in a while," Daniel said. "What's up with you?"
I was silent for a full moment, and Daniel said, "Hey, you still there?"
"I'm here."
"You doin' alright?"
"I got kicked out of the work program," I said. I thought he might know already, that maybe Crane had told him, but I said it
anyway.
"Kicked out? For what?"
"Bad grades."
"Oh," he said, and then was quiet for a moment.
"Everything's so bad, Daniel," I said, and the tears began dropping down onto my hand that was holding the phone receiver.
"Not being able to work at the vet office-and now I have to go to school all day again-" my voice trailed off.
"That's rough," he said, and I heard genuine regret in his tone.
Feeling he was being sympathetic to me, I pressed on. "Everybody keeps telling me to face up to it, and get over it, and
to take responsibility for it!"
"Are you doin' that?" he asked, and I thought maybe I hadn't heard him right. There was a lot of background noise on his end...
"What?" I asked.
"Are you facing up to it-and takin' responsibility for it?"
I felt a sudden piercing pain. I did. My feelings felt crushed. Why did Daniel have to jump on the band wagon?
"Nobody's even giving me any time," I complained. "To get used to the idea-"
"Sooner is better than later on that," he said. He didn't sound mean-but I still took offense.
"I just wanted you to listen," I said. "I don't need anybody else on my case about it."
"I'm listening," he said. But, it was too little, too late.
"I'm out of change," I said. "I've got to go."
"Now, come on," he began.
"Bye, Daniel," I said.
"Don't hang up!" he ordered.
I paused, still. "What?" I asked him, with attitude.
"Don't do that, either. Have an attitude with me-" he began.
"I'm not. I have to go."
"You are," he insisted. "But, I'm gonna let it slide, because I know you feel bad. Let me get back to work right now, and
then I'll call the house tonight. Six o'clock your time. Okay?"
"You don't have to," I said, dully. I was still put out with him.
Instead of answering that, Daniel said, "I love you. I'll talk to you some more tonight."
"There's no privacy at home for phone calls," I countered.
"You're bein' a sour apple, you know that?" he said. "Go in the kitchen and use the phone in there."
"Fine," I said. I had no intention of talking to him later. It had been a colossal waste of time, as far as I was concerned.
There was a small silence.
"I love you," Daniel said, again.
In spite of my irritation, and hurt feelings, I felt that.
"I know. Even though I'm sour," I said. "And a bitch."
"Harlie."
Now that Daniel had pulled out the 'Harlie' instead of a pet name, I knew he had joined 'team irritation' as well.
"That's my name," I said, smartly. Sassy.
Another small silence. Then-
"You know I'm headin' home in a couple of weeks for a visit, so we can start workin' on the wiring at the club. Maybe we'll
have a different sort of a chat then. Huh?"
Aw, a veiled threat all the way from Tennessee. And from Daniel. My compadre.
"Okay," I said, flippantly. "My future is bleak anyway. Thanks for the chat, Daniel."
I hung up before I lost my nerve to do it.
7