I cried all the way home. I had reached the lowest of the low. I'd hung up on Daniel. True that I didn't think he'd been understanding

of me. But, still-I'd only complicated things further by hanging up on him.

At home I went to do my chores before I even went inside. I did my regular chores, and then I went into the shed to finish

cleaning it. I'd almost had it done anyway. There was just some trash to sack up and tote to the trash cans. When I finally did go in

the back porch door, the table was set and Clare and Hannah, and Guthrie, too, were putting food onto the table. A platter of pork chops,

and two bowls of mashed potatoes had already been put on the table.

"Hi, sweetie," Hannah greeted me. "I wondered when you were going to come in."

I went to the sink to wash my hands. "I was doing my chores."

Clare came to get a large spoon from the drawer. She bumped me with her hip playfully. "Hi, toots."

"Hi."

Guthrie was filling water glasses, and, as I was drying my hands, he said, "Hey." Sort of stiffly.

"Hey."

I was glad he was speaking to me on his own, at least, but Hannah was looking at the two of us with her forehead all crinkled.

I was glad when everybody else began coming into the kitchen, some thru the back door, and some from the living room, so that Hannah

wouldn't ask any questions of Guthrie and me about how we were getting along.

I was quiet during supper. I felt like I wanted to be like Kristen, and turn inward like a turtle. And, besides, I had every intention of

being in my bedroom before six o'clock, on the chance that Daniel did call. I looked up at the round kitchen clock, and saw that it was

already 5:20.

"You and me on dish duty," Clare said to me, as everybody was clearing their plates from the table.

Bat shit. I groaned inwardly. Slim chance we'd be done and I would be upstairs by six now.

"You're tired after your day at work," Brian told her. "You go put your feet up. I'll help Harlie."

I rolled my eyes heavenward. Could my day get any worse? I did not want to be in that close of the range of Brian's possible ire.

"I am perfectly fine," Clare told him, laying her hand on his chest. "You can rub my feet for me when I'm done, though."

"Alright, darlin'," he said, and I sighed with relief.

When it was just Clare and I in the kitchen, I sped thru the drying of the dishes as fast as I could. Some of them were probably still

slightly wet when I put them in the cabinet.

Clare talked in general, about the amount of sick kids that had been coming into the doctor's office lately.

"It's early in the season for that amount of sickness, I think," she was saying. "Is there a lot of kids from the high school out sick, too?"

"A few people have been absent," I said. Truthfully, I hadn't really paid much attention to anything like that. Other than being relieved

that Megan had been gone.

"You and Guthrie need to be taking some extra vitamin C," Clare said. "To try and keep you both healthy."

I said okay, and then, the phone began to ring. I looked up at the clock. It was 5:40. If it was Daniel, he hadn't even waited until

six o'clock. Of course, why would he? He was probably itching to tell Adam or Brian about me. A flicker of feeling disloyal came to me.

That wouldn't be like Daniel at all, to do that. Still, he'd been plenty steamed at me after I'd hung up on him. I knew that.

"What's wrong?" Clare asked me, as I shut the cabinet door harder than necessary.

"I've got a little bit of a headache," I said. It wasn't a lie, though my headache was only slight.

"Oh," Clare said, looking at me with a nurse's eye and a sister's caring. "Well, you ate, so maybe drink some water and

take some Tylenol if it doesn't go away in a bit."

"Okay," I said.

Adam hollered from the living room. "Harlie, phone!"

I stood where I was, by the sink, drying my hands on a dishtowel. Clare, who was still washing dishes, gave me a curious look, when I didn't

head to the phone.

I knew. I knew. If it had been Lori, or Kenny or anybody else for me, they would have called to me right away. But, it had been-I looked up

at the clock again. 5:55. Fifteen minutes. So it was definitely Daniel.

"What's wrong?" Clare asked me, again, tuning in to my agitation. She laid a hand lightly on my arm.

"I don't want to talk to Daniel," I said.

"What?" Clare asked, looking even more confused. "Is it Daniel on the phone?" I knew she wondered how I knew that for sure.

"It's Daniel," I said, with certainty.

"Why don't you want to?" Clare asked me softly.

"Because we had an argument on the phone earlier," I said. It was easier, though less honest, to call it an argument, instead of the actual truth.

It hadn't really been an argument. More of a-

"Maybe if you talk to him, you'll feel better," Clare suggested.

Brian appeared at the kitchen doorway. I moved to scoot up the back stairs.

"Hey. Harlie," Brian said. "Dan'l wants to talk to you."

I stopped just short of the stairs. "Can you tell him I'll talk to him later?"

Brian frowned. "Huh?"

"She's got a headache," Clare spoke up, in defense.

"Oh," Brian said, sounding concerned. "Well, he says he really wants to talk to you. It'll just take a couple of minutes."

"I don't want to, Bri," I said. "Can't you just tell him for me?"

Brian tilted his head, and he and Clare exchanged a look.

"Please?" I said. "My head hurts."

Brian gave me a glint-eyed look, and moved to reach for the phone extension in the kitchen. I took my chance to start up the

back stairs. I paused, though, halfway up, my hand pressed against the wall, so I could still hear, but not be seen.

I heard Brian say. "Harlie's goin' up to bed. Says she has a headache."

There was silence, when I knew Daniel was doing the talking. My stomach knotted. I hated this. I was a coward.

Clare walked over towards the counter where the coffee pot is, and happened to glance up the stairway. She saw me, standing there,

and gave me a quizzical look, as in an unspoken, 'what are you doing?"

I shook my head at her, pleading for her silence without saying anything, and she went back out of sight

"I dunno," Brian was saying.

Silence again while Daniel talked.

"Alright, yeah. Okay. Talk soon," Brian said. "Bye, Dan'l."

I felt relieved, and sad, too, at the same time. And ashamed. Relieved that Brian had put Daniel off of talking to me. Sad that I had

treated Daniel that way, and then ashamed that I was too cowardly to fix it.

I heard Brian hang up the telephone, and then heard him say yes when Clare asked him if he wanted some iced tea.

I was turning to go on up the stairs when the kitchen lights were flicked off, and I heard Brian say, "Don't forget your shot, Harlie," as he left

the kitchen.

He'd known I was there all the time? How? I hadn't made any noise. Maybe Clare had told him I was standing there, listening. No,

Clare wouldn't do that. So, how had he known?

The kitchen was empty now. I slinked back down the few stairs and did my shot, and then took an apple and went up the

stairs the whole way this time to my bedroom.

7

I went to bed not feeling very good about myself. I felt very lonely, and adrift, even though the house was full of McFaddens.

The next morning, I woke up feeling draggy, and blah. I dressed slowly, and went downstairs to the kitchen.

The kitchen was a hubbub of activity. Eggs were being cooked, and daily ranch plans for the day were being made.

"Good morning," Hannah greeted me, as I went to my seat.

"Morning," I said.

"Have some juice," she said, pushing the pitcher of orange juice closer to me.

I ate my breakfast, staying quiet, and avoiding Brian's eyes, and then stood up with a sigh, which Hannah overheard. She managed a private moment with me,

slipping onto the back porch entryway, and putting her arm around my waist.

She didn't say anything right off, just stood there, looking at me. Her expression was full of concern. And confusion.

"I'm worried about you," she said, quietly.

I didn't act as though I didn't understand, or answer her flippantly.

"I'll be okay," I said.

"I'm not so sure that you will be," Hannah countered. "We're all worried about you."

"I got a B on an Anatomy test," I said, changing the subject so she'd stop looking at me that way.

"Did you? That's good," Hannah said.

"You don't have to worry about me, Hannah."

"That's the absolute silliest thing I've ever heard," Hannah said, not so quietly now.

"Everything okay?" Adam said, appearing in the doorway.

Hannah and I met each other's eyes, and she said, "Harlie and I are just having a word."

Adam stepped closer, and his expression was concerned, as well.

"Uh huh," he said.

"I'm telling her that we are all very worried about her," Hannah told him.

Adam nodded slowly in agreement with what she was saying. "We are."

"I'm doing okay," I said. "Please don't worry," I said, again.

"Those are just empty words, Harlie," Hannah said.

I sighed. "I'm gonna be late, if I don't get going."

"We're overdo for a good talking, for sure," Adam said.

"Why am I in trouble?" I asked. "I'm just-trying to move along the best as I can. I haven't done anything this morning besides

eat my breakfast, and get ready for school."

"Nobody said you were in trouble," Hannah began to placate me.

"And-" I said, my gaze shifting to Adam. "You have talked to me lately about it all. I'm trying to follow your advice."

Adam was giving me sort of a hard look, and Hannah's gaze was still concerned.

I tried a smile out on them both. "I better go," I said. "I'll see you later."

"Did you pack some snacks?" Hannah asked me.

"I'll grab a couple of apples," I said.

"Alright," Hannah said, and she and Adam stepped outside, where I saw him put his arm around her waist.

When I finally was able to make my escape from the two of them, it was only to burst into the kitchen, and find Brian there, alone,

leaning against the counter by the sink. He was sipping from his coffee cup, and his eyes met mine over the top of it.

I let my eyes skitter away from his face. "See you later," I said, intent on making yet another escape.

"Harlie," he said, and I paused. I had no choice.

"I want you to go with me on Friday," he said.

"Where?" I asked, startled.

"Fencing up at the far end hasn't been checked over in a good while. We'll take some supplies and go up there."

"Friday night?" I asked, confused now.

"We'll leave when you get home from school."

I wrinkled my forehead, still puzzled. "And ride all the way up there then?" I knew it to be at least a two hour ride, maybe a bit more.

"Right," he said.

"So we'd stay up there overnight?"

He nodded at me. "A couple of nights, more like. There's a lot of area to cover up there."

"Oh," I said. I wasn't sure just what to think. It seemed sort of out of the blue to me. I mean, sure, it probably was a need for

somebody to ride up into that area, and look over the fences. Still-having me being the one to go along with him to help?

"Is somebody else going, too?" I asked, hopefully. "Guthrie? Or Evan?"

Brian shook his head. "Nope. Just you and me."

"Oh," I said, again, still feeling that there was more to this than he was saying.

After a couple of long moments, Brian said, "Better get going. Before you're late to school."

His tone was so very, very calm that I felt my nerves prickle with unease.

7