Disclaimer: I do not own nor make profit from Mobile Suit Gundam Seed or Monile Suit Gundam Seed.

AN: Okay so wow it's been a really long time since I updated! SORRY! Really I am! Life just sometimes gets away from you and damn but it sucks! As promised here's the blow up scene and yes I am already working on the next chapter so it shouldn't be such a long wait this time but still no promises! Also there is cussing so no littles reading this got that! In any case please enjoy!

Chapter 7: Alone She Stands Broken?

She had fought, she had screamed and thrown tantrums, and she had refused, but the one thing she had never done was complain. She was the Princess of Orb for better or worse, and as much as she had hated everything it had meant she had never backed down from her responsibilities. She would protest but she had never stopped loving her people or her country, but at the same time she had hated it all. Her heart had been ripped from her more times then she could count.

Her personal happiness would always be sacrificed for the good of the people and nation, and yet doing so had hurt not only her but her Orb as well. Her father had sacrificed everything for Orb and in doing so he had left nothing but a broken country for his daughter to strive to rebuild. She had fought long and hard for Orb, slowly but surely building it back and lifting it from the rubble. At the tender age of sixteen she had done what most, older politicians and leaders couldn't have, but the cost had been great. In the end of it all her country was laid bare to chaos and her own heart and mind were in tatters. So what to do now? Where should she go? She knew what she wanted but could she do it?

When she had stepped into the position of Chief Representative she had been so confused and her questions had been the same if not more difficult to answer. She had been in this position before, but this time it was her own actions that had placed her here. She had no one else to blame, not really, and she had so much on her shoulders. She knew one thing though; she would not and could not move forward so long as she was so uncertain of herself. So where did that leave her?

"My children are dead… My country is in shambles… My people are lost and confused… Behind it all is a silent puppet master, larger than even Logos…" Cagalli murmured softly, looking out at the Plants from her window. "I'm in 'enemy' territory, physically and emotionally weak…"

Taking a deep breath she considered what she had just said. "My children are dead… but that can't be undone and I can't let myself deal with it until things are better… I don't have the luxury of breaking apart, no matter how much I want to right now… My people need me and when the time is right we will all mourn our loss… My people need me…"

However, as much as her people needed her, who did they need her for? Did they need Cagalli or Cagalli Yula Athha the Chief Representative of Orb?

"I tried just being the Chief Representative… being what my father wanted me to be…" Cagalli muttered. "I can't be that person; I'm not my father…"

So the question left was she could be the Chief Representative of the Orb Union as just Cagalli? Could she put not just her heart into her nation but her soul, mind, and body as well? Could she rule her nation as herself and not as someone that everyone wanted her to be? To be honest, she had stunk at being what was expected of her. Even though she had tried to live up to everyone's expectations she had still been headstrong and stubborn, which was why so much had gotten done in only two short years. So was it okay to just be herself? It had been two years since she had let that happen, even during the too few visits with Kira and the others she had not forgotten her status.

"Okay… never mind, I have to be Cagalli," Cagalli muttered.

"Who else would you be?" Athrun asked from the door.

"My father… everything everyone wants me to be rather than me…" Cagalli growled. "I can't be that person… She isn't me."

"Your father?" Athrun blinked startled.

"Athrun… you can't tell me you never saw how everyone was constantly pushing me to be a Chief Representative like my father…!" Cagalli eyed him and noticed his confusion, and suddenly her temper snapped. "You're serious! You never noticed! Were you even paying attention when you were my bodyguard or just watching the damn scenery!?"

"I…" Athrun blinked as Cagalli stomped past him and headed down the hall.

"You're unbelievable! How could you not see how I was always being pushed and prodded into this perfect little niche! Not to mention the crap the Seirans were pulling!" Cagalli snarled. "Did you even care!?"

"Of course I did! I hated how tired you always were and how you always pushed yourself… but I…"

"But I what?" Cagalli snapped furiously.

"I knew what Orb meant to you…" Athrun muttered.

"Did it ever occur to you to do something about it! You watched me stay up late and get up early! You watched me barely eat and struggle after struggle! Did it ever occur to you to HELP!" Cagalli screamed catching everyone's attention and bringing them out of the dining room where breakfast was being served.

"Of course I did! That's why I…"

"Why you left! YOU IDIOT! YOU STUPID HAMPSTER BRAIN! There was plenty you could have done in Orb! Without just taking off and rejoining ZAFT!" Cagalli snarled stopping at the top of the stairs to turn and stare at Athrun. "You couldn't even see what was going on in front of you; how was joining ZAFT going to help anything?"

"You weren't much better off!" Athrun snapped. "You let that bastard paint you into a corner!"

"At the time I felt like I didn't have a choice! I'm not like you Athrun!" Cagalli snarled darkly, hiding her face behind her bangs and clenching her fists.

"Cagalli…?" Athrun stared.

"I'm just… I'm not… Damnit!" Cagalli shook and felt like everything was spinning out of her grasp. Turning she went to got down the stairs.

"Hey wait! What did you mean by that!?" Athrun demanded, grabbing her arm gently but firmly.

"…" Cagalli gritted her teeth. "Why can't you just get it!? Why can you never see what's right there!?"

Athrun stepped back, shocked by her outburst. The others were startled as well, but not so much by Cagalli's temper as by her words.

"I'm not a NORMAL Natural!" Cagalli burst out angrily. "I don't get to cry when I get hurt or lay in bed when I'm sick! I don't get to hide away or un when things get to tough! Where would I go anyways!? Everyone in the fucking Galaxy knows who I am! "

Athrun gritted his teeth and let out a slow breath and quietly answered, "I know… I know that now."

"Oh you know! Well Whoop de DO! LET THE WORLD FALL AT HIS FEET ATHRUN ACTUALLY FIGURED SOMETHING OUT! You still blame me for falling into the Seirans traps! WELL GUESS WHAT… I HAD NO CHOICE!" Cagalli screamed, her snapping reached and broken. "I don't get to just say no when I don't want to do something! My people and ORB come first! DO you think for a moment I wanted to marry that bastard! To have his hands on me? To have to fuck him and give myself to him for the sake of my country!? Do you know how disgusting that was for me!? How dirty and used the thought of it made me feel? Yet that's what I've had to live with since I was a little girl! Do you know what it's like to know that you have no control over your future except how you will one day rule your nation and even that's curbed by the expectations of those around you! The first person I ever considered a friend was using me to help her parents! The first person I ever trusted had me kidnapped and tested to make sure I was a fucking Natural!"

"Cagalli?" Kira whispered as Athrun went pale at the truth of her words.

"I'm expected to be perfect! No illnesses, no faults, no damn mistakes!" Cagalli snarled darkly. "I'm hurting, and I'm lonely but I need to stand firm for the sake of my People and Nation! Do you have any idea what that's like!? Of course not you're too fucking blind to see it! You're not your father ATHRUN! You have the choice not to be him! You have never had your life planned for you; yes you had expectations placed on you, but never a concrete destiny you HAD to fulfill! I do and I have to live with it every day!"

"I…" Athrun blinked and tried to wrap his head around everything Cagalli was saying.

"I may be a Natural but I am far from a normal one. I never wanted this to happen but despite what everyone may think I'm not perfect! You made the choice of going back to ZAFT! I don't get a choice! I could step down but my cousins were the ones who had the Archangel and first Gundams built, including the Astray frames! What would they do on the Cabinet or as Chief Representative!? Kira once asked if it was okay to sacrifice my happiness for the expense of stabilizing ORB and if in doing so was it okay if the cost was the rest of the world. The answer is yes, but not because of what he thinks." Cagalli snapped. "ORB is different from other nations… if by example it can ignite hope then what else could I do! I'm not a god I can't merely wave my hand and say a few pretty words and have the war end! Look what happened when I tried to stop the ORB fleets!"

"You still could have done something! You should have stayed in…" Athrun growled out but Cagalli cut him off.

"Make up your damn mind! Stay in ORB and marry that bastard or leave and try to do what I could so legally the power was not usurped!? Do you even realize that by their very actions the Seirans are committing TREASON!? Look I get it! The situation isn't pretty but I would have thought by now you would have realized that WAR isn't pretty! Well guess what my place in the war is what my people demand of me, and if you can't live with that then fine! Get out of my life and stay out! I don't need a man who can't stick by his decisions or live with his own past and who his father is! I sure as hell don't need a man who won't stand beside me and work with me for the betterment of my Nation! So what will it be Athrun Zala son of Lenore and Patrick Zala!?"

*She didn't want to marry Yuna… She knew exactly what it would mean…She… if she had…* Athrun froze, he still had doubts. After everything that had happened he still had doubts?

"You can't just say that!" Meer exclaimed startled by the whole scene that had unfolded like a Pandora's Box in front of her. "Athrun is a good person!"

"I didn't say he wasn't!" Cagalli snapped turning her fury on Meer who nearly crumpled underneath her ferocity. "You know nothing! You're just a silly little actress who thought she was helping, but guess what! Your actions, even more than mine, escalated the war!"

"I… I didn't… I…" Meer stared wide eyed at Cagalli, frozen in fear and confusion.

"Did it ever occur to you how much you were hurting those who really loved Lacus? Do you know how much they suffered seeing a liar in her place? Did you really think for a moment that you could replace her?" Cagalli snapped. "Because of your actions people believed the Chairman and believed in pushing for this war! THAT is why Durandal wanted you for a 'Puppet Lacus'! I may have ignored the world in favor for the struggles I was dealing with in ORB but you ignored everything but what all this would mean for you and the Chairman!"

"I…" Meer stared at Cagalli in horror as her words sunk in. "Oh no… no no no no no!"

Cagalli sighed feeling her anger die down as she saw the pale drawn features of everyone around her. "Do you see now? I'm not some fairy tale princess or a normal young woman. I'll never get to shop and gossip like normal girls do… I can't run crying when I'm hurt, no matter how bad it hurts. I'm not /just/ Cagalli… no matter how much I wish I was. You figured it out, but can you understand what it means?"

"…"

"I'm not saying I don't love my Nation… I probably love ORB and my People /too/ much. I want my country to thrive, and I want my People to be happy." Cagalli stated calmly. "My goal, once I was established as ORB's Chief Representative, was to make ORB into a beacon of hope and peace! To show the world and the PLANTs that, yes, Coordinators and Naturals could co-exist, and what's more, they could thrive and grow. I wanted everyone to see what could be accomplished when you set aside your hate… however my greatest foolishness was in not seeing the corruptness in my own Cabinet. I should have realized there was more to what the Seirans' were doing then it appeared. I failed in rooting out the evils that come with great power… with power comes great responsibility and I failed in upholding that. I'm aware of what I did wrong… I don't need any of you pointing that out, but you need to remember you're not faultless either! You left me alone! All of you left me alone! How could I stand firm when there was no one to stand beside me? I am only one person and it takes more than one person to start a war and more than one person to end it. You can rely on me all you want… I am more then used to it, but I ask this! If you wish to rely on me and entrust our Fate and that of this war to me, then stand beside me! Be my Sword, and Shield but not the chains that bind me! Please don't stand behind me holding onto me as if I have all the answers… I don't. Rely on me but let me do the same!"

"I don't think that's too unreasonable. I'm sorry we forgot that you needed us too." Lacus stated from just inside the doorway with Andrew Waltfeld.

"Lacus!" Kira ran to her and embraced her, but Cagalli stood almost imperiously as she and Lacus looked upon each other.

Okay I'm a brat with an itch! Sorry! I couldn't resist it's the perfect cliffhanger! Anyways I hope you enjoyed and believe it or not this was damn hard to write. I'm sure this isn't Cagalli's last blow up but it is the main one and it's going to force our characters to think, really think about not just Cagalli and ORB but their lack of awareness throughout the series. It really ticked me off that they did so little about anything even though Lacus basically told them to just act mindlessly! Anyways as always please Review and yes I'm still looking for a Beta reader! Please PM me if you wish to apply! Also no worries I'm already working on the next chapter and it will go into depth on their plans of how to get out of their situation, not that everything goes as planned right? ;P!