(Chapter Nine)

Sirius was thankful for when the stream of students returned to Hogwarts. The packed common room and the return of boisterous voices seemed to ease some of the tension between him and James and, additionally, the tension between Marlene and James. It was clear that the subject of their secret dalliance was left unresolved, for Marlene had an unhappy expression on her face any time James came into view. None of the boys in their group pried, knowing that James was apt to erupt in a temper if they prodded too deeply. Even Sirius, who was accustomed to teasing James into a bad mood, let the subject lie.

As it happened, it was Mathilde Browning who approached James in their third week of the new term. Having perfected their transformation into Animagi, Sirius and James had been playing with the idea of a new project with the help of Remus when he was available. The two of them were together in the library pouring over complex alchemical textbooks when Mathilde flounced up to them, a far too-sweet smile on her lips. Sirius, his cheek pressed into his palm, was frowning down at a set of formulas when he heard her voice break into his reverie.

"Hi, James."

Sirius looked around, having thought they were one of the last students in the library. They had chosen a table encased between two bookshelves in the back corner of the library where they could research without being interrupted by any of the other students. Where James went, often fans followed, and at the moment, he was staring into a book he had nicked from the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor's office during class at the beginning of term. He moved so his arm hid the contents of the book, although Mathilde only seemed to have eyes for his friend.

"What's up?" James asked and rubbed his eyes beneath his glasses, yawning. "You in here studying too?" It was just like James to act this casual. In spite of what she had done to Lily, he had a way with people that kept him in their good graces and appealed to women.

"I was looking for you," she said, leaning against the table so that her back was to Sirius, who raised an eyebrow at James behind her. "I've been hearing a lot of stories about you and Lily."

"This again?"

"It might interest you to know. I could tell you over a Hogsmeade weekend – there's one coming up soon."

James sighed softly through his nose, his brow puckering. After a moment, he shrugged. "Okay, why not? I don't care to hear about gossip, though. Let's just go out for some tea or a butterbeer."

"Really?" Mathilde sounded so taken aback that Sirius had to laugh out loud at her reaction. She had pushed off from the table and spared him a brief, annoyed glance.

"Sure," James replied with ease. "You're pretty enough and I've got nothing going on. Not unless I end up in detention between now and then."

She did not seem to hear his comment about detention and instead beamed at him with a euphoric look that Sirius thought seemed rather ridiculous for the situation. He listened to her gush before James had to stand up and physically guide her away from their table. He could hear their voices fading as he led her, presumably, out of the library.

When James returned several minutes later, he appeared a little disheveled and looked somewhat bashful as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry," he muttered.

"What the hell was that about?" Sirius asked, putting down his quill and frowning across at his friend. James grimaced uncomfortably. "You sure are going off track from what you said at the beginning of the year."

"Actually, I'm hoping this will get Marlene off my case." James sighed, removing his glasses and setting them aside, rubbing his eyes. "This whole thing with Marlene's kind of got me thinking – maybe I don't really understand girls, you know?"

Sirius could only stare at him.

"I don't mind going with Marlene to her summer vacation and she's been back and forth about what she wants during the year, so maybe I can just use Mathilde to make her see I don't care what she says to Evans. And next year, I can come back more experienced and more ready. Evans probably wants a really mature, experienced guy. So, what I should do is date around a little and get a little more variety, right?" James was looking to Sirius hopefully, as if needing someone to justify his bad behavior. Sirius had to admit – his friend was beyond intelligent, but when it came to women, he was an absolute dunce.

"Mate, I don't care what you do in your personal life," Sirius said at last, "but maybe try talking to her more like a person and less like a piece of meat. You can't talk to her the way you talk to these other girls – she's not like that."

"Yeah...that's what Remus has said, too..." James sighed, frowning to himself. "You two have had more conversations with her than I have. I don't know, though, I just get stupid when I'm around her. I can't help it."

"Are we going to keep doing this or are we done for the night?" Sirius asked, gesturing towards their books and parchment.

"No, my eyes are burning from staring at these books. We'd better head up to Gryffindor tower. Remus should be about done with prefect duty, too."

They collected their books, carefully stuffing them into their bags that they had enchanted to extend the size of them. They had not wanted to get caught with the stolen books, so thought this would be the most effective way, although it did take some time getting used to placing the books in a back corner of the bag away from the rest of their normal schoolbooks.

"Whatever happened to Marlene helping you with getting Evans, anyway?" Sirius asked, pulling his bag's strap onto his shoulder, waiting for James.

James grimaced somewhat, pushing his glasses further up his nose. "Well...that's why she seemed fine with messing about because I said I wanted to, you know, impress her. But then it turned into this whole mess. I guess maybe because Marlene and I were hanging out a lot, me trying to see how it was going with Evans and then we'd end up in conversations during Hogsmeade weekends. And then we just started flirting." His brow furrowed and he glanced at Sirius. "Usually, I don't feel so bad about messing with a girl. But this is her friend, so it feels...weird now."

"I don't think she'd care," Sirius told him with a lift of his shoulder. "She probably expects this kind of thing from you. It's not like you have the best reputation."

"Yeah...I guess."

The two of them left the library, James sinking into a deep reverie that Sirius chose not to initially disturb. His own conscience had been doing him a disservice since the holiday break, beating him relentlessly. Seeing James so honest about his insecurities had brought him more discomfort than he would have liked to admit. He knew that no amount of explanation would heal a wound created from learning that Sirius had begun to develop an interest in the girl he liked. James was not even dating Lily, yet he was torturing himself with guilt because he and her friend had been sneaking around in empty classrooms.

As they made their way up the staircase, Sirius changed the subject, asking, "Wormtail's been asking about the next full moon – you still down for your plans for Snape?"

James, stirring from his thoughts, gave a tiny sigh. "About that – "

"You're not seriously backing out, are you?"

"He's left us alone so far."

"Left you alone, you mean," Sirius corrected with a grim look.

After the holidays, Snape had come back to school with nothing short of an unholy vengeance that had been directed towards Sirius. If he was not trying to hex him behind walls, his disgusting little friends Mulciber and Rosier had been attempting to curse him in crowded hallways. It had become rather annoying and while James, Peter, and Remus had caught the attacks from time to time when Sirius was caught unawares, James and Peter had taken it as an attack towards the group as a whole rather than at one singular person. Snape, however, had made it very clear who his attacks were intended for, although he tried to catch Sirius when he was alone or without James near. Oftentimes, Remus was present when such an attack occurred, so he saw the look of utter hatred on his face more often than James. There could be no other way of describing the expression.

"You should be careful," Remus had told him after one such encounter, a worried look in his eyes. "Snape seems a little more unstable than usual."

Now, as James considered over what Sirius said, his mouth pulled down in a displeased frown. Sirius could not conceive of what could have happened over the holidays to where Snape could become so violent towards him. He doubted Lily would go out of her way to tell him anything – she was not that type of girl – and he was certain than no one had seen them kissing. He had made sure of it.

"Even we've had near misses during the full moon," James said quietly as they came to the corridor leading to the Fat Lady.

"Alright, fine, how about this?" Sirius suggested, raising his hands in exasperation. "I'll pretend to be Remus when I've changed over to give him a scare. We won't let him get further than that."

James's expression cleared and he looked a good deal more interested. "That would work."

"I don't look like a full dog, so it'll be perfect. If we're lucky, he'll wet his pants."

The two of them snickered at this prospect and approached the portrait, giving the Fat Lady the password. Inside, the common room was alive with activity. Above them, a crane drifted pleasantly from being enchanted. Unbidden, Sirius's gaze drifted to the end of the common room where Lily was seated by the window, her hair coiled neatly in a bun. She was smiling up at another fifth-year Gryffindor boy, who was leaning against the wall in a way that made it obvious of his conversation.

"We need to talk," a voice said beside him and he glanced to the side to see that Marlene had approached them, her expression set.

"Now?" James muttered, glancing around.

"Yes, now," she said with a tiny roll of her eyes. She stomped past him out of the common room and James, with a resigned sigh, shrugged towards Sirius and followed her outside of the portrait hole they had just stepped through.

When Sirius turned back around, making his way towards the couch where Remus and Peter were sitting, his eyes shifted again to where Lily was sitting. The boy was still chatting, but she had caught sight of him and when their gaze met, she cast him a warm smile that made his stomach roll a bit too excitedly. He couldn't help the smile and then sat down next to Remus, who was in the midst of an argument with Peter to where they did not notice the very brief exchange.

"I don't care," Remus was saying heatedly. "I'm not doing your homework for you! I've already explained it to you five times."

"And it doesn't make sense," Peter whined in return, shaking a parchment towards him.

"I'm not in Divination, Wormtail! Just make something up if you don't get it. It's a worthless subject, anyway. I don't know why you're even taking it."

"What's going on?" Sirius asked languidly.

"I have to do predictions based on where the planets are in the sky," Peter explained in a gloomy voice, "but I'm not even doing good in astronomy. How am I supposed to know any of this?"

"Shouldn't it say in there?" He nodded towards the textbook, Unfogging the Future, which looked battered and worn. He wondered whether Divination or History of Magic had the older textbooks, as they both seemed several decades out of date.

"You would think so," Peter mumbled, "but it just goes on these vague explanations of prophecies and opening your mind..."

"It's a useless subject," Remus said with an annoyed glance towards him, pulling one of his own books towards him. "I don't know why you took it. The only people who are able to do any sort of prophesizing are Seers that have been gifted. What's the point of teaching a class to normal witches and wizards when we don't have the gift?"

"Tell us how you really feel, Remus," Sirius said with a laugh.

"I have enough homework to do without doing someone else's," he said moodily. "The full moon's almost here, so I have to get as much work in as possible before I'm gone."

Peter sighed heavily at this, throwing himself back in the couch and rubbing his beady eyes. "Maybe I'll just do it during breakfast," he said, seeming to have given up on wheedling any help from Remus. "Oh. You have detention tomorrow, don't you?" He peered around at Sirius, who nodded.

"Yeah, with Filch. McGonagall told me that she wasn't in the mood for watching me do more detention, so she assigned me to cleaning duty with him."

"Be lucky it was only a night," Remus said, glancing up from his book.

"She just doesn't like practical jokes. I don't know how James didn't get detention. I swear, she's got it out for me."

Remus chuckled, choosing not to reply, and stuck his nose back in the book for reading.

It was a long time before James returned, looking somewhat disheveled and pink in the face, entering the common room alone. He was adjusting his glasses as he approached their group and outside of an amused glance, Sirius chose not to mention his outward appearance. Instead, his gaze drifted back towards where Lily and the boy were chatting. James, too, had turned his gaze there and was frowning slightly. She laughed at something the boy said and then straightened up, giving a tiny shrug as if to say, "Sure," and the boy grinned.

"Who's that?" James asked, nodding towards the boy.

"Oscar Matthews," Sirius answered readily. "He's in the Potions club and Slug Club." The boy in question had turned away from Lily, dragging his hand through his dishwater blonde hair and looking rather pleased with himself. He went to his group of friends and one of them, a burly, black boy that was on the Quidditch team, bumped fists with him and grinned. "You can't fault her for going out with other guys when you're going out with girls, mate."

"I don't," James said with a touch of surprise, distractedly smoothing his hair down, seeming aware of how out of sorts he must have looked just then. "I've just never seen her with other guys or heard of her dating guys."

"I don't think her and Snape are getting along," Peter spoke up from his sunken position in the couch. "I haven't seen them around each other since break and he made her cry in the Great Hall before Christmas."

All three boys swung their gazes to look at Peter, even Remus who had been pretending to read.

"What?" he said blankly.

"Is that when she came to class?" James demanded in a low voice, leaning over. "When Sirius saw it?"

"I dunno." He shrugged, seeming uncomfortable at the sudden questioning. "I just saw the two of them talking one day when we were leaving and she was crying. I didn't think it was worth mentioning. It's none of our business, after all."

James scowled at him. "It's my business. That git...no wonder she's in a better mood now. She doesn't have to deal with him anymore." He made a rude gesture, nodding to Sirius meaningfully. Sirius laughed at this and then leaned back in the couch, his eyes drifting to the fire flames.

That's right..., he thought to himself, not listening to the further exchange of his friends over Snape and how he treated his friends. This is all for experience, just a secret between her and me. It would make sense for her to try out with other boys, too. His gaze flickered briefly to Oscar, who was now laughing with his friends, leaning back in his chair. He was a good-looking boy, no doubt. He also kept his nose clean, unlike himself or James. He was also, he noticed, the complete opposite of the boys that sought out Lily. While he, James, and Snape were all dark-haired with dark eyes, Oscar could have been an angel in comparison with his bright blue eyes and blonde hair. He was a little stockier for his age, as well, giving him a more filled-out look to him.

Makes sense, he decided at last, looking away and returning to look into the fire.

But even if he had made that decision, he still felt that unfurling sense of jealousy and possessiveness that had been developing when it came to Lily. Rather than acknowledge it, however, he closed his eyes and tipped his head back, listening to the background noise of conversation.

No, he would not acknowledge that piece. That would take him down a dangerous road.

Relationships and all the strangeness that came with feelings were far from his mind as Sirius went through his classes the next day. Detention after dinner with Filch was as boring as it could possibly get, although it amused him to listen to Filch grumble on about the lack of whips and tying children up. He had tried much earlier in his school career to try and tease Filch into a good mood during detention, but it never worked. The man's prejudice towards children could not be swayed, not even with jokes. As a result, he listened now with half an ear as he mopped a hallway by hand, wondering how Filch even had a job. He knew that most of the castle was cleaned magically, yet for some reason Filch was still here using Muggle methods of cleaning.

After detention, Filch sent him off with a, "Straight off to bed or it'll be detention again for you!"

"It probably will be anyway," Sirius muttered under his breath after he had gotten far away enough that Filch could not hear him.

Sirius took his time walking from the dungeons towards the staircase that led to Gryffindor tower. In the dimness of the castle torches and alone, save for the castle ghosts that floated by ubiquitously, Sirius's mind drifted again to the predicament he had found himself in. He had always kept his distance from girls in school, mostly due to lack of interest, but also to avoid the drama he knew would ensue in teenage romance. He had seen enough in James's exchanges to know that he wanted very little to do with relationships. The girls he had dated at Hogwarts had caught his interest because they had been clever, rather than beautiful, but most girls who were smart did not want a boy who pranked students and got in detention. Eventually, they would break up because the girls got too annoyed by him or, in their words, did not consider him "dating material."

This had become a description he had taken to heart.

The more he observed of James's interactions with girls sand his own, shallow relationships with the girls that came to Grimmauld Place, the more he had realized that perhaps he was not suited to be anyone's boyfriend or future partner. He was sure his mother would try to nail him down to some pureblood witch when he was done with school and he would disown his family first before being forced into such a marriage; even so, he had not been able to envision himself in a serious relationship. Every interaction with a girl had been transactional, whether it was him using them or vice versa.

Until Lily.

While he had told himself to take her words literally, he could not see Lily as the type to use men for her own purposes. He certainly had never had any other girl send him a Christmas present after kissing him. It would have been easier to believe that their little secret was nothing more than her gaining experience, but he could not believe it and the war with that had been unfolding ever since he had first kissed her. He liked her enormously, more than just because she was a clever witch or pretty. She was exactly his type of girl in every respect – fiery and sweet, clever and naïve. Talking to her was like drinking pumpkin juice on Halloween and kissing her was like intaking a dangerous potion he knew he should not drink too often.

Since the start of term, he had not had a chance to get to her alone or even send her a note telling her to meet him. He and James had been busy working on their side project, and he and Peter had been planning on the best way to get Snape out onto the grounds around the full moon. Even though it might have been foolish, he wanted a better understanding of what Lily really wanted from their exchanges. He was not about to be used by a girl he actually fancied. He had too much pride for that and would instead, he decided, try to push her into James's circle to be with him. He could give her as much experience as Sirius could.

Speaking of Snape, Sirius thought grimly as he rounded a corner and caught sight of the lanky figure approaching him. "Don't you ever get tired of stalking me, Snivellus?" he asked in a bored tone.

"I want a word with you, Black," Snape said. Even in the gloom of the dungeons, Sirius could see the hard, determined look on his face. Without trying to hide it, he pulled his wand out of his robes, assuming 'word' meant an exchange of spells instead. Snape did not even glance at his wand, his own hands bunched at his sides. It did not appear he intended to go for his wand just then.

"What could you possibly have to say to me?"

"Does your best friend know that you're kissing Lily at parties and outside the Gryffindor common room?"

Sirius blinked.

"What are you talking about?" he asked cautiously. Was he bluffing? Snape isn't part of the Slug Club, so there's no way he would have seen us – or did he go with someone else?

There was a grimly satisfied look on Snape's face, though he did not look pleased. "I saw you," he said. "I saw you kissing her outside of the common room. You're scum."

Sirius laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. "Are you mad? What were you even doing over there, following us or something? If you saw us, then you know I didn't force anything on her. She was a willing participant."

Snape's face suffused with color and his fists tightened further, though he still did not go for his wand. "All you do is use your women – everyone knows it. You're worse than Potter. What are you planning to do with her?"

"It's none of your business. And let's just get this out of the way." He pointed his wand towards Snape, who glared back at him hatefully. "You had four years' opportunity to kiss her and be her boyfriend, but you didn't because you were afraid your Slytherin buddies would criticize you for dating a Muggle – a 'Mudblood,' right?"

"Not criticize," Snape snapped. "I protected her. They were threatening to torture her because they thought I liked her – to use the Cruciatus Curse."

For a moment, neither of them spoke and Sirius slowly lowered his wand, frowning. It was not like Snape to be so honest and forthcoming with information. While he didn't appreciate the accusation that he was using Lily, he had no reason to doubt what Snape had said and after all, he could always ask Regulus for confirmation. Coming from a family of Slytherins, he could very well see some of the older Slytherins threatening to do such a thing to keep Snape in line. By slandering Lily, it kept them from harming her, but it also made her look like a fool seeking out someone that hated her in the eyes of the Slytherins. Snape ought to have told Lily the truth. Instead, he chose the coward's way out and as a result, it hurt her and damaged their relationship.

"You're an idiot," Sirius said at last in disgust. "You really don't know a damn thing, do you?"

"You are going to say that of all people?"

"Yes, me!" Sirius jabbed a thumb into his chest. "Or have you forgotten whose family I come from?"

They glared at each other for a long moment, Snape seeming unable to find a reply to Sirius's statement.

"Stay away from Lily," he said at last. "She deserves better than you."

"Who, you?" Sirius returned scathingly. "She sure as hell deserves better than a guy that would choose Death Eaters over her."

"You're a fool and you're going to die as one, too, Black. Just watch! See what the future brings! You'll see."

"Are you threatening me?" Sirius laughed humorlessly. "Are you kidding? You think I don't know what's going on outside the world? Unlike you, I come from a long line of pureblood Slytherins and I get to hear them glorifying the Death Eaters over summer break. You should be protecting her from that, not joining the cause. I know you love her – it's pretty obvious – but you have a weird way of showing it." Sirius walked towards him and gave Snape a little shove, glaring down at him. Snape still did not reach for his wand, perhaps because he was afraid he would try to kill him rather than just curse him. "Stay out of my way and out of my business. And, for good measure, stay away from Lily, too. All you do is make her miserable."

At that, Sirius briskly walked away, keeping his ears strained for any sound of Snape trying to curse his back. Instead, there was only silence that followed him as he made his way down the dungeon corridor to the steps.

Once he had exited the dungeons, he released a slow breath and dragged shaky hands through his hair. He had not been aware of how angry Snape had gotten him until he had gotten to the grand staircase. He could hear his heartbeat thundering in his ear and there was an intense pressure of rage in his ribcage, threatening to come out in the form of him slamming his fist against the stone wall. It was not that Snape had spotted him with Lily or that he insinuated he would tell James – it was that air of self-righteousness that irked him. He was going around hurting Lily, acting as if he were a saint protecting her future with no regard for her feelings or how better protected she would have been if he had just accepted her feelings initially.

And yet, he had the gall to accuse him, Sirius, of using her for his own means.

As he made his way up the staircase, gnashing his teeth together, he dearly wished the full moon would come sooner. He would make Snape regret his threats and accusations towards him.