The Noble Sacrifice

by Demented Insane Spirit

A two-week detention their fifth year starts the beginning of a secret relationship that neither Lily nor Sirius were expecting from their brief association with each other. And for Sirius, no matter how much he tries to do the right thing, he can't seem to let her go, not at school and not even in the midst of a wizarding war. Slight canon-divergence. (Sirius/Lily/James)

21. Chapter Twenty-One

(Chapter Twenty-One)

Sirius had quite enjoyed the peaceful silence of Grimmauld Place, thankful that Kreacher had been taken as the favorite house elf when the rest of his family had gone to Italy. He was given a solid week of respite from his mother's nagging by the time he returned from his vacation with Lily and while he missed Regulus's company, it gave him plenty of time to clean up his own room and to indulge in his own leisure time before the end of the holidays. He had the luxury of either reading through old books in his parents' library or otherwise tinkering with arithmancy problems for fun. When he grew particularly bored, he would wander to the nearby corner store and buy several Muggle magazines and post the most annoying centerfolds on his wall with a Permanent Sticking Charm that he hoped would offend his mother into convulsions.

The one benefit of living at Grimmauld Place was that he could do most small-scale spells without the Ministry catching wind. Outside of the protection and charms on Grimmauld Place, because the house elves were often using small charms and spells for their work, it was too difficult to discern whether it was from an underage wizard or a house elf. If he had attempted some more complicated spell work, however, it would alert the Ministry. He had discovered this the hard way several years ago when he had received a written warning, although part of that had been due to him being alone at Grimmauld Place. This had dispelled his earlier assumption that the Ministry could only detect magic in non-magical households and while he was sure he could have continued to do it while his parents were in the home, he chose not to risk it. Expulsion and having his wand snapped in half were quite different levels of punishment, one of which he was not particularly interested in gambling on.

Ironically, however, his father had developed an interesting network of spells so that the Unforgivable Curses could not be detected, even by an underage wizard. This was, Sirius suspected, due to the fact that the children were expected to take part in the festivals and entertainment events that their family hosted.

So, even though he could stick pieces of paper to his wall and curse someone, he was unable to continue his work on the map, which was the one project he was most eager to continue.

Sirius was still lamenting this injustice when Mrs. Black and Regulus had returned to Grimmauld Place, unfortunately with an entire entourage in tow. He had just found a fascinating passage in one of the older history books regarding a wizard experimenting a way in which to track a person in real time through a charm connecting to the parchment and had been contemplating it for several days by the time they had returned. Their map was currently set up in such a way that it would detect someone if they were nearby, but nothing quite so specific. Sirius had packed that book along with a few others that he had found on the subject in his school trunk. The spells were incredibly advanced, but Sirius felt rather confident of his abilities once he returned to school. It was also, he grudgingly admitted, bordering on the line of Dark Magic. He reasoned with himself, however, that he had no bad intentions towards tracing others movements in the castle, so it could hardly be all that dangerous. He was not so sure others would see it the same way.

He was still in the midst of mulling over these spells when Regulus entered his room with Kreacher trudging behind him.

"It sounds like she brought a whole village back with her," Sirius said to his brother from his spot by the window. "How was it? Did she play nice with Camilla?"

Regulus released a hollow laugh. "No idea. Camilla left the second day there."

Sirius raised his eyebrows and turned away from the thick, leather-bound book he had been reading, Detection Spells and Their Properties in the Physical Realm. "She didn't say why?"

"Her and mum got into it," he sighed, shrugging. "I wasn't there when it happened. Kreacher told me. Camilla sent me an owl later telling me that our family is disgusting and that she wants nothing to do with me."

"Just ask Kreacher what she said then," Sirius said, draping an arm around the back of his chair.

"Can't. Mum's given him orders not to tell me." There was a distinct sound of bitterness to his voice now. "I haven't ever had someone break up with me because of my family."

"Get used to it," Sirius advised. "Why do you think I stay single? It's more trouble than it's worth."

"So is being single," Regulus said, moving to the bed and flopping on it. He pulled his legs up, leaning his forearms against his knees. "Mum's got her eye on this girl she's invited over to stay for the next few weeks. I overheard her talking about engagement plans. Sounds like her family's keen on it, too."

"She can plan all she likes," Sirius dismissed. "It's not going to go anywhere, just like all the rest of them."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, Sirius. She's got at least four possibilities, but her and this girl's family have already been in discussions about a wedding date during your sixth year – around Christmas break, it sounds like."

Sirius cast him a disgusted look. "Good God. She would try and get me married as soon as I'm of age. Who is it? Anyone I know that might already hate me?"

"Rosalind Fawley. She just graduated Hogwarts last year, so you probably don't remember her."

"How old is she?"

"Nineteen. She's turning twenty in the fall."

"And this is mum's idea of a great match? Marrying me off to someone older right after I turn seventeen? It's barely legal."

"Seems to be," Regulus answered with a slight shrug. "Two of the other girls go to Beauxbatons – they're sisters – and the other girl goes to school with us. She's in Slytherin, you've probably heard of her. Imogen Bulstrode."

"Imogen?" Sirius repeated, making a gagging face. "You've got to be joking. That whole line of women look like they came right out of a fairytale about trolls."

Regulus laughed, saying, "You're horrible."

"Don't lie. You wouldn't date her, either, if you had a choice."

His younger brother smiled, but chose not to admit his dating preferences out in the open. Instead, he helped Kreacher up onto the bed so that the house elf could sit next to him and he dug around in his pockets before offering Kreacher what looked like a bundle of biscuits. Kreacher crunched on them, sitting next to Regulus. Sirius watched them, frowning slightly. He had never understood why Regulus was so close to Kreacher, who worshipped their mother. Sirius might have been kinder to him if he hadn't gone crawling to Mrs. Black about more than a few unsavory things in which Sirius had gotten himself embroiled. Kreacher had gotten him into more trouble with her than Sirius could have done on his own.

"If you don't agree to one of these arrangements, I'm not sure how she's going to react," Regulus said at last, his brow puckering in worry. "What if she tries to kill you?"

"It's a sign of the family we live in that we can talk about our own mum trying to kill one of us so casually," Sirius dryly noted.

"She tried to curse you before."

"Yeah, I'm well aware."

"It's just marriage," Regulus pressed. "You know how things are with these types of situations. Most men end up having mistresses, anyway."

"Like dad, you mean."

"Well, sure. It's not like anyone knew about his affair until he'd passed away and no one even knows what happened to that witch. He obviously ended the affair at some point."

"Regulus," Sirius sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Do you hear yourself right now? Are we teenagers or old men? This is the type of stuff men talk about while they're smoking cigars in their study. I shouldn't have to plan to take on a mistress as soon as I get married, especially when I'm seventeen. That's mental." He lowered his hand, frowning. "And besides, I'd still run into the same problem. There's no way dad was seeing a pureblood witch behind mum's back. There's only a handful of pureblood families around here still. Someone would catch wind. He probably was seeing a half-blood or something and he hid her away. We've probably got ourselves some illegitimate sibling out there."

"I'm sure we do, not that they'd ever be recognize by any of the family."

"Good for them, they're happier for it."

Kreacher handed Regulus the napkin that the biscuits had been in and Regulus tucked it into his pocket, lowering his legs to hang over the side of the bed.

"What's with him, anyway?" Sirius asked, nodding to the house elf. Upon noticing Kreacher's suspicious silence, he had taken a closer look and spotted several bandages and a good deal of markings on his body.

Regulus's eyes darkened somewhat and he didn't immediately respond. Kreacher seemed to sink back a little further into his shadow, not raising his eyes up from the floor.

"What happened?" Sirius asked more sharply.

"He was dragged into a game with one of the families in Italy," Regulus said, gently resting a hand on Kreacher's back. "I got there too late."

It was clear that Regulus was not going to offer more information than that, but Sirius did not need him to say more on the subject. He had been on vacation with his family before and knew the type of families that his mother preferred to entertain. It did not surprise him that, in spite of Kreacher being the most dedicated and loyal servant of his mother, she would offer him up as a piece of meat for some casual entertainment. To her, she saw house elves as nothing more than pieces of equipment to be used and abused. Regulus had a much more sympathetic view towards the house elves and especially Kreacher, who had practically raised them. Sirius would never understand how Kreacher could fawn over their mother, although his adoration for Regulus at least made sense.

"Sorry to hear that," Sirius said at last.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "So, I've just been keeping him close for now. He's still healing. I've told him to stay in my room while the others are here for now."

"Solid plan. I haven't heard good things about the Bulstrodes and their house elves. They go through them pretty fast."

Regulus nodded and then got to his feet, helping Kreacher down from the tall four-poster bed. He gestured towards Sirius's open trunk. "You look like you've already started packing. We've still got more than a month of break."

"Just preparing some books to take back to school," Sirius said, gesturing towards the one he had been reading before Regulus walked in. "It's impossible to get these without mum throwing a fit about where I'm taking them." He rolled his eyes meaningfully and his brother laughed before leaving his room with Kreacher following close behind.

After they had gone, Sirius tried to return to his reading, but found himself briefly distracted from the tome. Regulus had never been a good liar and today was no exception. It was clear that something more had happened with Camilla and, he would guess, with Kreacher, but he was unwilling to divulge the details to Sirius. In the past, Regulus tended to hide certain things from Sirius to avoid arousing his temper and he suspected that this was another of those situations. He could have come up with at least a dozen things that their mother could have done to cause a rapture in Camilla and Regulus's relationship but the problem with Mrs. Black was that any of them could be true.

The most regrettable part of this was that Sirius knew that, out of all the girlfriends Regulus had, Camilla had been one that he had truly liked. While it was nearly impossible for girls to catch his attention, Regulus was similar to James in that he enjoyed dating and it took a spectacular type of girl to hold his interest for long. Unlike his other girlfriends, Regulus had put in a solid effort in attempting to compromise and make her happy and considering how young he was, Sirius found that to be rather impressive. There were not many boys Regulus's age that put that type of effort into keeping their girlfriends happy.

If what had happened was as bad as all the options that he had compiled in his head, though, he knew there was no possibility of reconciliation.

Shaking himself from his thoughts, Sirius dismissed Regulus's own relationship troubles from his mind and returned to the book. After all, he had himself to worry about now that his mother had returned.

It was not long after his family's arrival that Sirius had the unfortunate discovery that Regulus's predictions about their mother's aggressive tactics regarding his upcoming nuptials was not far from reality. The next few weeks turned into the equivalent of a tennis match between himself and his mother, with him dodging every attempt at joining most evening sessions with the families that stayed at Grimmauld Pace. It took a good deal more effort than typical and there were more than a few times that Kreacher was found blocking him from leaving the house. On these occasions, Sirius was forced into boring conversations with Rosalind, who gave him the impression of being a little too desperate to please.

On the times he did manage to escape his mother's machinations, he would leave early in the afternoon when they were having luncheon and would wander London well into the night when he was sure that most of the house was asleep. He would spend most of his time writing long, sarcastic letters to his friends and Lily detailing his home life. The letters to his friends were significantly darker in tone than those he wrote to Lily.

Mum's idea of a wife is worse than a bitch in heat, he had written to James in one letter. The amount of times this girl has tried to get me alone is pathetic. It's no wonder she's still single.

He tried his best not to stifle the uglier side of himself around Lily. He wanted to be better for her and, outside of that, he did not particularly want to detail another girl's attempts to sleep with him. It was not disrespectful, exactly, but he resented that he was in a situation where he had to beat off any girls from him. The girls at Hogwarts knew better and when in London, no one had dared to approach him while he was with Lily. He never wanted to do anything to where she would experience unease or discomfort like she had with Snape.

During his evening strolls through London, he visited areas that they had frequented when she had been in town and on rowdier nights, he could manage to get a pint or two at some of the local pubs. Memories of her were all that got him through most of those nights walking alone through London. It was not as though he had many weeks left at Grimmauld Place before he returned to Hogwarts and could see her, but he found himself lying on park benches fantasizing about the moment he would see her on the Hogwarts Express or sitting at the Gryffindor table. He could still imagine her shy smile, the way her green eyes would melt into a warm pool when she saw him. While the image of her in his mind's eye comforted him, it also caused such a pang of longing and loneliness that it made the days drag by even more slowly. He forced himself not to think of her, then, not wanting to make the time go by any more slower than it already had been.

His increasing lack of success in avoiding the inhabitants of his home only added to his misery at being at Grimmauld Place. He knew that if he disappeared for the entire day, Mrs. Black would send one of the house elves to find him if Kreacher did not manage to head him off in time; thus, he found himself forced into long breakfasts and tea with some of the most detestable people he had ever had the misfortune to meet. His mother's company, outside of being mundane at time, had the same warped tastes in values and ethics as herself, leaving Sirius with very little to use as a common conversation topic. This never seemed to put off his suitors, though, as the girls would titter and blush at the slightest comments. He became convinced by the end of one such meal that he could have strung together a nonsensical collection of words and they still would have laughed as if he had said something particularly clever.

It was revolting.

He made the mistake of indulging himself too long in poking fun at one of the Beauxbatons girls over tea one day, so that he could not politely remove himself without causing a scene with his mother. As a result, the tea extended into dinner and he found himself sequestered into a corner of the dining room with Rosalind Fawley. Sirius had done his best to play nice with Rosalind, although more for Regulus's benefit than his mother's. He knew how little Regulus liked when they fought. If Sirius had his way, he would have offended Rosalind far sooner in order to dissuade her from seeking him out; however, he took Regulus's warning to heart so that their mother wasn't inspired to try killing him by poison or some other means.

"I'm glad to finally get some alone time with you," Rosalind said to Sirius at length. They been talking about Gringotts and the type of securities some of the vaults had, a painless enough conversation. Smiling, Rosalind scooted her chair a little closer to his. Sirius had a small glass of an after-dinner digestif, a decadent port wine that his mother regularly imported. Rosalind had already had two of these drinks and her face was a little flushed, her countenance a little too over-eager for his taste. Vaguely, he wondered whether her family had been feeding her alcohol for as long as his parents had him and Regulus. Given the effect, he doubted it. "I wanted to tell you, but didn't want to say it front of anyone else. My parents have been talking about you for a while, you see. I was so excited to meet you. I remember you a little bit from when I was at Hogwarts, only by reputation."

"Yeah?" Sirius asked, taking a sip of his drink. "When I was what, twelve?"

She laughed a little too loudly. "You're not that much younger than me."

He gave a disinterested smile and chose not to mention that, if they had been in school, the age gap would have been large enough to be the cause of ridicule. He found it strange that, outside of all of what he considered deficiencies, Rosalind was not already married, considering how quickly those in their families paired up before school.

Unlike the other girls that his mother had invited, Sirius had known from the moment he met Rosalind that she was only interested in him for very specific things. This was fairly typical, as most girls' interest were piqued primarily by his good looks and were further encouraged by the allure of his wealth and blood status. Rosalind had not tried to hide the fact she regarded him as nothing more than a stud to her brood mare. She had tried to coax him somewhere private more than a few times and after his last encounter with this type of girl, he had made more of an effort in avoiding her attempts.

"I think our parents are really pushing for an engagement," she continued, leaning a little closer, her mouth spreading into a wider grin. Sirius shifted slightly, to put more space between them. He glanced over her shoulder. It was only him and Regulus with their conversation partners in the room. Everyone else had resigned to the upstairs drawing room with their drinks for after-dinner entertainment. He had seen the unconscious Muggle they had dragged in earlier and could only imagine what entertainment his mother had planned.

He caught Regulus's eye across the room, but he was stuck in a conversation with one of the sisters from Beauxbatons. "I wouldn't mind it myself, but I'm more of the trying it out before you buy it type of girl. It's better, don't you think?"

Sirius stiffened, looking back to her from where Regulus was attempting to extract himself from his partner. "Meaning what?"

"Well," she lowered her voice slightly and reached out, placing her hand on his knee, "I like to see what type of husband you're going to be first."

It was hard to smother the disgust as he pulled out of her reach. "What's the point of getting married, then? You might as well just taste as much as you like."

She flushed, not catching the insult behind his words and misinterpreting his meaning entirely. "Well, sure, but since we're going to be engaged – "

"Who said I was getting engaged?" he interrupted. "Just because my mum's making promises on my behalf doesn't mean that I'm out here trying to get engaged before I'm out of school."

"We all say that," she said, drinking the rest of her port wine and setting the glass aside. She tossed her thick, ebony hair from her shoulder as she rose to her feet and left her sofa chair to settle herself next to him on the divan. She gave him what he imagined she thought was a dazzling smile. To him, it looked like the smile of a starving panther readying itself to strike and he did not particularly enjoy her being this close to him.

Sirius decided to change tactics.

"Are you stupid or something?" he bluntly asked. "Or do you just follow everything that your parents say?"

To his annoyance, she laughed at him again. "Obviously not otherwise I would have been married by now. I think we're a lot alike, you know." She had leaned in so close that he was forced to set his own drink aside as he was crowded against the arm of the divan. He glanced behind him again and found to his extreme irritation that Regulus was no longer in the dining room and it was now just the two of them. "I remember your reputation from school. You set your own rules and I like that. I bet you're very dominating, too. Men should be confident."

"Hate to break it to you, but I'm just a kid," Sirius told her, frowning.

"I don't think so."

She had pounced before he was given any warning, locking her mouth onto his. He immediately shoved her off him, repulsed, and she went sprawling onto the floor. He got to his feet before she could re-orient herself. Rosalind stared up at him, seemingly confused on how she ended up on the floor.

"What's your problem?" she snapped, stumbling to her feet and glaring at him.

"That's what I should be asking you," he snapped back in return. "Keep your fucking hands off me. And by the way, nobody wants a wife that's been passed through all the wizards. He'd look like a prat marrying someone like that."

Rosalind's face slackened in shock, the colour fading from her cheeks.

Regulus had finally managed to get away from his partner and had returned just as Sirius was turning to leave. "There you are," he said in a falsely chipper voice. He took one glance at Rosalind and it was made abundantly clear that something had happened by her expression. "Excuse me, I'll just be taking him for a moment."

She glanced at Regulus, but said nothing. She had a stony expression on her face and Sirius was pleased to see her giving him a mutinous, resentful look.

"What did you say to her?" Regulus asked in a low tone once they were out of the dining room.

"Nothing all that insulting," he replied distractedly. Bile was rising up in his throat from her assault on him and rage such as he had never felt was coursing through him. He was sure that if he stayed there for a moment longer, he was going to end up doing something regrettable. "I'm leaving before I get dragged into some other boring conversation."

"After that?" He looked at him in alarm. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to just go off now – "

"Good idea or not, that's what I'm doing." Sirius cast him a quick grin and then gave a jaunty salute before hastening down the hallway, ignoring Regulus's anxious stare after him.

As soon as he was out of Grimmauld Place, he hit the stones at a jog just in case his mother thought to send Kreacher or one of the other house elves after him. Once he was several blocks away, he released a breath and dragged a hand through his hair, closing his eyes in an attempt to calm the angry pulse that was thundering against his ribcage. A few seconds later, he knelt down, bracing his hands on his knees as he began to retch. He coughed out the little bit that his stomach allowed him to expel and then he took a few steps away from the waste before collapsing on a curb behind a set of bushes, pressing his face into his hands.

The experience had reminded him starkly of the Durmstrang girl and for a moment, he felt disgusted not at Rosalind, but at himself. The moment he had seen that they were alone, he should have known that things were going to go south. He had mistakenly thought that he could avoid another conflict with his mother this summer by playing the good boy and look where it had gotten him. He had wanted to keep the peace for Regulus, but it seemed impossible in the environment that Sirius was regularly left in. Part of him was angry at Regulus, for leaving him there, knowing how these girls were with Sirius. That did not last long, however, because Sirius knew that the blame lied almost entirely at his own feet.

Aside from the disgust at having that girl's mouth on his, a panic had begun to seize him as he sat with his head in his hands. Regardless of how it had happened, the end result was that he had been unfaithful to Lily and right after their time together in London. How was he supposed to tell her about this? Could he even tell her? He had never thought that his mother's machinations and the inner politics of his world would get to them this way. He had thought he had a good enough handle on it to avoid that. Instinctively, he wanted to hide it from her, but he had promised that he would never lie to her. The idea of her disappointed expression, though, made his stomach churn.

"Fuck," he swore to himself, slamming a fist on one of his knees. His knee throbbed from pain and while it had released some anger, it did nothing to lessen the panicked anxiety that had overtaken him. As he had expected of himself, he had managed to ruin the only relationship he had been interested in pursuing.

This thought became pervasive and poisoned his mind for the next few hours while he walked the streets. He could not sit still and even when his body grew tired and his feet began to throb from too much walking, he found his mind buzzing with restless energy. He had gone through every worst-case scenario in his head and it was only when he started to walk back to Grimmauld Place near three in the morning that he realized he had not even considered what consequences his actions would have with his own family. The only thing he had been worried about had been how Lily would respond. She was less predictable than his mother, who he knew was likely to fly into a rage if Rosalind had said something to her parents about the way he had treated her.

Sirius stood outside in the square for a long time, reluctant to go inside. He couldn't stay here for the rest of the summer, not with that girl there. He had resigned himself to staying in the townhome or going elsewhere if he needed, but he would not stay at Grimmauld Place while Rosalind was staying there. He was done entertaining his mother's idea of suitable partners. At that point, he could care less what his mother thought of him and she could send the entirety of the Black's household house elves on him – he would not return that summer. Nor, he decided, would he return next summer. He would be of age and he could finally be rid of his mother's influence. Perhaps, he reflected, that was his mother's plan all along. She must know that he had no intention of remaining there after he turned seventeen. She would stupid otherwise.

He had been weary and anxious by the time he had returned to Grimmauld Place, but these thoughts had re-ignited his anger as he imagined her trying to drag him back home in an attempt to force him into an arranged marriage.

Grimmauld Place was quiet when he entered, the oil lamps turned low. Sirius headed up to his bedroom and began to throw the remainder of his belongings into his trunk. This was one of the few times that he was thankful for being organized, for this task took only a few minutes. After he strapped his trunk closed, he tucked his wand into his trousers for safe-keeping and inspected the room one last time. Truthfully, there was not much in his room here that he cared to keep. Everything that meant anything to him was stored safely in his trunk, including the many letters and notes he had received from his friends and Lily. There was only one photo of him, James, Remus, and Peter on all of his walls and like with everything else, he had placed a Permanent Sticking Charm on it to ensure it couldn't be removed.

He cast a regretful look at the photo of his friends and then and made his way out into the corridor, shutting the locked door behind him. When he turned, he jumped and went crashing back against his door. "Kreacher!" he hissed. "What are you doing lurking around up here?"

"Master Regulus sent me for you," Kreacher said, bowing low.

"I'll bet it's Regulus," Sirius grunted. He straightened his trunk that had fallen when he had been startled. "Here, then. Take this down to the front door."

Kreacher slanted a shrewd look to the trunk before looking at Sirius. "Is the young master going somewhere?"

"Don't ask questions, just take it down there. Where's the old hag, then?"

The house elf seemed to be trying to prevent himself from scowling and instead said, "Master Regulus is in the upstairs drawing room."

"Right."

While Kreacher took hold of Sirius's trunk and levitated it towards the staircase, Sirius pulled his wand out of his pocket and considered it thoughtfully in his hand. Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery or not, he was taking no chances if his mother was there after his last violent encounter with her. Kreacher's avoidance of addressing anything to do with her had the opposite effect that he perhaps had expected. He was certain she was waiting up for him and he doubted it was for friendly conversation.

Bracing himself for the worst, he made his way down the staircase and to the second floor where the drawing room was located. Unlike the rest of the house where it was dark and gloomy, the drawing room was lit up and Mrs. Black was sitting in a chair, appearing as if she had just been entertaining guests. She was still completely dressed in her finest robes and her black hair was still piled neatly on her head. It did not take a great deal of perception from anyone who had seen Mrs. Black with her children to know that they had not inherited their good looks from her. She had a haughty, regal profile, but was not a beautiful woman. She was a little heavier set and looked much older from the premature brackets that framed her mouth.

Her dark, beady eyes fell on him as soon as he entered the room and with a flick of her wand, the doors locked behind him. Regulus was standing beside her sofa chair, a pinched, drawn look to his face.

"It's about time you came home after that disgusting display tonight," she said to Sirius, rising to her feet and narrowing her eyes at him.

"The only disgusting display was that desperate whore you set after me," Sirius replied. "For someone worried about reputation, you sure choose some of the worst women in the wizarding world."

He was ready for the wordless hex that she directed at him and he deftly blocked it, his wand hand coming up fast to deflect it. His mother stared at him a beat, her wand held aloft for a moment before she lowered it, fingering the end with her other hand as she considered him.

"What a waste of talent," she said at last. "All of the extra lessons, the teachers when you were young, and for what? To have you gallivant off with Muggle girls and lowly-born witches."

A sliver of unease traveled down Sirius's spine.

"And then I find out you've been staying in the townhome, doing Merlin only knows what," she continued with a disparaging glance. "With all those posters on your walls, I can only imagine you're rotating through Muggle women, sullying your body with such filth. That you would dare even bring someone without wizard blood into one of our homes is reprehensible."

"You've really gone away with that one," Sirius told her in a bored tone. "Ever think I just can't stand being around you and the trash you entertain?"

"How dare you call my guests trash?" Another hex, another deflection. "You, who brings shame to our family? To your own pure blood?"

This time, he knew the curse by the colour of it and he dodged it, side-stepping. He saw Regulus stir, looking alarmed, but Sirius shook his head ever so slightly. He didn't need Regulus also getting involved to avoid the Killing Curse.

"Tomorrow, you'll apologize to the Fawleys and you will marry her this winter," she said after a small pause had ensued.

Sirius laughed at her, knowing it would infuriate her. "You're mental if you think I'm going to do anything you say."

There was a swift succession of curses launched at him. He dodged the Killing Curses, blocked and deflected the others, and then directed his own at her. Regulus tried to intercept, but with a swift hand, Mrs. Black had sent a spell that had him sliding along the floor. Regulus hit one of the side tables and there was a crash as an antique glass orb shattered on the ground. A waft of white smoke drifted lazily up, a person's figure briefly illuminated as their mouth moved. Books burst into shreds as spells hit them, vases exploded, and the small writing desk was set aflame from one of Sirius's spells. The chandelier swung violently above them as the spells whipped around the room before, with an ear-splitting crack, it tore from the ceiling and went crashing into the ground between them.

Without thinking, Sirius launched a Killing Curse towards her and a flicker of surprise crossed his mother's face before she threw herself to the side to avoid it. He had not even thought twice before using it. He had never felt so much hate for one person in his life, so much unfiltered, raw anger and while she was on the ground, he hit her with the Cruciatus Curse. She screamed, writhing on the ground, clawing at the carpet.

"Sirius, stop!" Regulus begged, his voice cracking. He had finally managed to get to his feet, but he was unarmed. He did not have his own wand with him. "Stop it! You're killing her!"

"Who cares?" Sirius snarled back. "She deserves it!"

"Stop! Please, stop!" Regulus ran across the room and hit Sirius in full force, sending them both to the ground. The screams had stopped, but now Regulus was wrestling with him, trying to pull his wand out of his hand.

"Get off it, Reg!"

When Regulus wouldn't let go, he had no choice but to resort to punching him in the face. The shock of the hit caused his fingers to loosen and Sirius yanked his arm away from him, panting as he scrambled back to his feet. From the floor, Mrs. Black sent the Cruciatus Curse back at him. Excruciating pain coursed through him, worse than any broken bone, any cut or wound he had ever had, yet he made a slashing motion with his wand with the bit of his strength and it broke the curse.

Shaking and breathing hard, he looked from Regulus, who had managed to get back onto his feet and then back to his mother, who was catching her breath from the spell Sirius had directed at her that was intended to knock the wind out of her. Grimly, he knew that this fight would only end if one of them died and as much as he loathed her, as much as he would love to see her dead, he could not bear the thought of doing that to Regulus. The pain of disappointing his brother would be too much to bear. Instead, he blasted the doors apart, tearing them off their hinges and quickly stepped into the corridor to retreat.

"Sirius." His mother had finally managed to get her feet again, but Regulus was between them, making sure that no additional spells were cast between the two. She was pale and still breathing hard from the effects of the Cruciatus Curse. "If you leave here, you'll forever be seen as a traitor to your family. Is that what you want? To be an outcast?"

He looked from her to Regulus, who had a pained, desperate look on his face, as if begging him to stay. He felt the pull of that pain, of their brotherly connection, and he felt the weight of disappointing him. He had wanted to give Regulus what his brother had always wanted – a normal family, with parents and siblings that loved each other, but he saw now that there was no possibility of making peace with their mother, not even for Regulus. He had gone too far this time. There were gashes in his mother's robes where his spells hit her and he would not soon forget the intense desire to kill her, to cause her pain, the sadistic satisfaction he had gotten when he heard her scream. Years of pent-up rage had come through when he used the Cruciatus Curse and one did not come back from using an Unforgivable, least of all on a family member. In that moment, he had not been himself. He had been like all the other Dark Wizards that used Unforgivable Curses indiscriminately – he had been, for lack of a better description, exactly what his mother expected from a member of the Black family.

No, there was no going back from that.

"I'd rather be an outcast than with you as a mother," Sirius said at last.

"You're going to regret this," she said, her face turning red with anger.

"Rot in hell, you selfish bitch."

Without waiting for a response, he fled from the corridor and took the stairs two at a time as he left. His trunk was sitting right at the front door and he grabbed it, pulling it violently out the door with him as he left. Outside, colour was beginning to touch the sky, bold colours of orange and red streaking across the horizon as the sun began to rise.

His mother did not send anyone to follow him. He hailed the Knight Bus almost immediately when he was far enough from Grimmauld Place and, without thinking, gave them James's address. He knew that James was back from Zanzibar and hoped that his parents wouldn't find his abrupt arrival too unsettling. Once on the Knight Bus, Sirius lay on one of the beds that slid chaotically across the floors, staring up at the ceiling as his temper slowly began to cool. Everything began to hit him at once and, like when he had fled Grimmauld Place earlier that evening, he had the sensation of needing to be sick. He swallowed hard, forcing it down and pressing his hands on his stomach.

He had known for a while that he wanted to leave Grimmauld Place, but had always thought he would be able to make it until the end of his seventh year. He and James had talked about getting a flat together after school and so he had always imagined the two of them living together then. He had quite a bit of money in his trunk still, so he knew that he would be good financially at least until then, but where was he supposed to go in the summers? He couldn't depend on the Potters to house him, even though he was sure that they wouldn't mind. In a matter of hours, he had lost his entire fortune, the connections that came with the Black family, and a roof over his head. In spite of his friends, he was completely alone. They had their families and he had nothing.

Not that I had much, anyway, Sirius conceded to himself, outside of family wealth. After things cool down, I'll still be able to see Regulus at school. He sighed, rolling on his side and closing his eyes. Even though he felt a little nervous about his prospects going forward, there was also a sense of relief that he would never have to return to Grimmauld Place again to endure the oppression that he often experienced there. For once, he was free and it made his heart feel lighter than it had in his entire life.

When the Knight Bus came to James's address, the sun had fully risen and it was nearly nine in the morning. The Potters lived in a wizard-only village just north of London that was hidden by Muggles. They had a three-story cottage that was surrounded by a charming garden that James's mother had developed and a large meadow lied in the back that led to a copse of trees that the boys would often practice Quidditch in during the summer. He pushed open the front gate, dragging his trunk and dropping it at the bottom of the stairs before he ascended the stairs and rapped on the door sharply. He knew he was looking worse for wear with his robes torn in places and smelling of smoke from the writing desk that had been set on fire.

Thankfully, it was James that opened the door and not one of his parents. His face lit up and then he looked alarmed after a second look. "Blimey, what happened to you?" James asked.

"My dear old mum," Sirius said by means of explanation.

"You're joking!"

"Not this time, mate."

James released a low whistle, shaking his head in disbelief. "Well, what'd she do? Throw you out or did you leave?"

"A little of both, actually."

"Brilliant," James said with a grin. He spotted Sirius's trunk and made his way down the stairs. "Let's get this inside. Mum's just finishing up breakfast."

"You don't think your folks will mind if I crash here for a bit?" Sirius asked him, taking one end of the trunk and making his way up the stairs with James taking the lead.

"Doubt it. I know mum'll be thrilled," James said to him. "You know how much she loves you. Remus was going to come stay for the last week of break, anyway. He should be here in a few days. I think Peter's trying to get his parents to agree to let him come, too, but he's in a ton of trouble because of his OWL scores."

"I heard," Sirius said. "He was supposed to meet up with me in London and said he couldn't since he got grounded."

"Not surprising considering how many OWLs he managed to scrape up," James admitted with a reluctant smile as they set his trunk down in the foyer. "I don't even know how many NEWT-level classes he'll be able to do, if I'm honest."

Mrs. Potter was delighted when Sirius walked into the kitchen and when James explained that his mother had thrown him out, she began to fret worriedly over Sirius and reassured him that he could stay as long as he needed since they had extra space. They had a hearty breakfast that morning and the two of them sat in the kitchen talking about their OWL scores until Mrs. Potter left, saying that she had some errands to run before James's father returned.

Once she was out of the house, Sirius revealed everything that had happened at Grimmauld Place since he had last written to him. If Sirius had not already expressed his intense dislike for most of the girls that his mother had invited over, he might have had to make up an additional reason for why he had gotten so angry with Rosalind's behavior since he certainly was not about to disclose anything regarding Lily. After he had finished detailing the duel with his mother, the kitchen was silent for a time as the two of them drank their mid-morning tea.

"I feel weird, if I'm honest," Sirius said after a moment. "I've always said I'd never use Unforgivable Curses."

"Well, she didn't give you much of a choice, did she?" James told him reasonably. "What were you supposed to? Take the Killing Curse in the chest just because of some moral high ground?"

"You don't agree with using them, either, though."

James sighed. "I don't know. Obviously, I don't like them, but what about in situations like this? Are you supposed to just sit there and not defend yourself? I'm sure there's other ways of defending yourself, maybe. Not as effective, though, is it?" He made a face and raised a hand, waving it in a gesture of frustration. "It just doesn't feel like things are as straightforward as that, the more I think about it."

Sirius raised his eyebrows slightly. "That's a change."

"I know. I think it's because of all this talk about Death Eaters and stuff. When we're out of school, we're going to have to defend ourselves against people using these types of curses and some of the hexes and curses I can think of aren't really that effective against them. I'm not sure if that just means I don't know enough or if there are better ones out there."

"There's tons of Dark Magic that I can think of that is effective," Sirius said, "but I wouldn't want to use it."

"If a war breaks out, I don't think there's going to be room for what's right and wrong," James told him, pushing his glasses up his nose as he straightened. "I wouldn't beat yourself up about what you did, Padfoot. I'm not encouraging it, but the more I read, the more I think we're going to be put in positions where we have to use things we don't want to. It's better to be prepared, I think, than dead."

"What's gotten into you? Where's this all coming from? You're usually the moral police of our group."

"Just from conversations I've had this summer," he replied evasively.

"What? With Marlene?" Sirius barked out an incredulous laugh. "I wouldn't take moral advice from her if I were you."

"She's actually pretty smart," James said a bit defensively. "We had a lot of great conversations about what's been happening in The Daily Prophet. She's very political, Marlene is."

"Glad to hear it. I'll be sure to read her gossip column when she gets a job there."

"She's already started writing some good essays. I've read a few."

"Are they titled 'The Feminist Witch and How to Manage the Wizarding Patriarchy'? Or maybe something like 'Ten Ways Your Husband Oppresses You'?"

James smiled dryly. "You done yet?"

"I could go on like this for hours."

"You know, that's probably why she doesn't like you," James pointed out, getting to his feet and dumping the dregs of his tea away in the trash bin. "She probably thinks you're a huge misogynist."

"Good, can you tell her to make a whole smear piece on me in a journal? My mum will love it and maybe it'll keep girls away from me."

"No luck on that, mate. Girls love an old-fashioned git when it comes down to it." James grinned at him as Sirius rinsed out his own teacup. "You're a prime example. You can insult a girl to her face and she'll still want to snog."

The two of them left the kitchen to go to the back meadow where they pulled out some brooms and flew around, throwing the quaffle around for a few hours. James still had to finish some summer homework, so he went inside after they both began to feel the burn of the sun from being outside too long. Sirius stayed outside after they had put the brooms away, laying in the meadow and staring up at the slowly drifting clouds.

He realized, laying in the meadow, that he wouldn't be able to write to Lily while he stayed at the Potters. There was no way that he would be able to get away with reading one of her letters privately, let alone writing one to her that was of any substance. Thankfully, there were only a few weeks left of the holiday. He would explain it to her when they returned to Hogwarts, although how he was going to get any time alone with her was a mystery to him. From talking to James, it sounded like many of those in each of their groups were planning to take similar courses for their NEWT classes. There would be more overlap and, because the classes were smaller, he expected there to be more interaction between all of them.

If she'll even want to talk to me after I tell her what happened, Sirius reminded himself with a bitter twist of his mouth.

He sighed, covering his eyes with his arm. He was so tired. He still had not slept and just then, he could not think of any upcoming problem and he was finding it hard to care about anything just at that moment. He was too emotionally drained. At the moment, he was only thankful that the Potters had been willing to take him in. He would worry about all the later problems that were hanging heavy over his head when it was time.