*Why hello there, reader, here is your treat. I fell into a deep descending Twilight spiral the other night, forcing me to write this within a couple of days. While I'm on Twi-Relapse, I'll go ahead and start brainstorming the next one... ENJOY!!!!! :)

It was all too much.

I couldn't listen to any of them say anything else. The words Alice spoke came out distant. Fuzzy. Unreal. Eventually, I tuned them out completely, hearing only the shrill ringing that blared in my ears.

I couldn't be in their house for another minute.

Instinctively, I bolted out of the Cullen's living room. Edward, of course, immediately towed behind me. I think he was yelling, though I wasn't sure—I couldn't hear any of it.

I flung open their front door, attempting to slam it behind me to no avail as Edward followed.

Through blurred vision, I focused on the wooden steps as I stumbled down them.

Edward's muffled hysteria sounded like a mere buzzing now as I sank down on the last step in defeat. There was no use in running.

Feeling under pressure wasn't foreign to me; in fact, it felt as if it were my default setting. Time and time again, my life had been put in danger, and I often had to make decisions fast to save my life or those I loved.

But I felt pressured, unlike before. If I didn't choose to be with Edward, he was doomed to join the Volturi. It would be his new life forever. They would maybe spare my life to use him as a tool in their sadistic arsenal.

And I didn't know what to do.

Sitting on the step beside me, he attempted to pry my fingers from my face. He was speaking, and I'm sure he was saying something about Alice's visions being subjective or that everything would work out between us in the end. It was for the best that I couldn't hear him over my thoughts.

I'd always known the Volturi were going to come for me. In the past, it didn't scare me since there was a plan in place to change me. I felt so sure of changing, desperate, even.

But ever since the doubt crept in, I hadn't allowed the reality to fully sink in. They were going to kill me if I stayed human. They probably still will, even if Edward joins them. Alice said she no longer sees my future—that it's black.

I hated that I realized the truth. It would have been so much easier if I had remained ignorant. I could've been one of them, a Cullen. But my stomach lurched at the thought now.

It's funny how things change.

"Bella, Bella, please!" Edward yelled, finally cutting through my deafening thoughts.

Pulling my head out of my hands, I looked at him, hoping to fall back into that comfortable, ignorant bliss again. Instead, I felt the opposite.

The rain had stopped, and the blinding sun broke through the trees, reflecting off his face in a way I'd never seen before.

The rays distorted his features, making him look like a shattered mirror. Mesmerizing, bright facets deeply contrasted with the many pairs of his abysmal black eyes. It was a kaleidoscope effect, glitching with every unnatural blink.

It was clear as day now: the perfect mask of him was breaking down, along with the story of us.

"What is it, love?" When his lips moved, the illusion warped even more. He didn't look real.

Edward never looked human; there was always a stark difference between him and everybody else. He had never looked real, in an angelic way. Now, he looked more like the type of angel I had read about in the Bible—the ones with multiple faces, eyes, and wings.

"Bella!" The distorted angel screamed while its multiple sets of eyebrows furrowed in anger.

"Answer me!"

He was heavenly. He was hellish.

"Now!"

And I knew I needed to stay in between both, on Earth.

It wasn't my time.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I shouted at the creature, tears spilling down my cheeks. "Let me THINK!"

Startled, he scooted backward on the step out of the shining sun. His face instantly retorted back to normal, and only a tiny glinting ray sprang off his porcelain cheek.

Just then, a loud rustle in the forest caused me to jump. Wiping the stupid tears from my eyes with the back of my hand, I slowly stood up, eyeing the area it came from.

A tall figure peered out from behind a large mossy tree. My heart stopped in my chest, and fight-or-flight mode activated.

Turn me now. The voice in thrall to Edward whispered. Turn me so I don't have to face whatever this is.

The figure stepped into the sunlight. I exhaled when I saw tanned, non-diamond-encrusted skin.

Edward angrily sighed beside me.

"Bella, let's go," Quil said, slightly out of breath. As usual, he wore no shirt, only dark jeans and shorts. The dark curls atop his head were matted. Was he hiding out in the bushes this whole time? Why wouldn't Edward say anything…?

"Quil? W-what are you-" I looked back and forth between him and Edward. Edward's face was blank, unsurprised.

"Come on." Quil extended out his hand but didn't take another step forward.

Despite my unstable legs, I crossed over to him. Realistically, I had no other way of leaving here unless I called Charlie—which would only reveal that I lied about being with Angela—and I didn't want to endure another car ride with Edward.

Quil guided me forward with his hand on the small of my back. I looked back at Edward, who stood on the step in the sunlight. His face was distorted again, though not nearly as dramatically. I could tell he desperately wanted to say something, to object, but I think he finally realized that he couldn't anymore.

—-

"So, are you going to tell me what you were doing there?" I asked, dodging a twig from smacking me in the face. My hands tightly clung around Quil's neck as he ran through the thick, muggy forest. He hadn't said a word since we left the Cullens.

"Didn't you technically go over treaty lines?" I peeked up at Quil's face. His brows pulled together as if I'd said something ridiculous.

"Screw the treaty lines."

He met my gaze for a millisecond and laughed in disbelief, running faster than before.

"What do you mean? Is it… broken? The treaty?"

"Not entirely, but it's practically hanging by a thread each and every day," he muttered, leaping over a bubbling stream in one stride.

I tucked my chin down, heat flushing to my cheeks. Was he saying it was my fault? That every time I saw the Cullens, I was one step closer to breaking the treaty and starting a war? I felt self-conscious about being rescued once again.

"I'm surprised he let you go so easy. He was furious when I first showed up. As if he had the right to be."

"Wait, when you first showed up?"

"Guess I'm not surprised he didn't tell you I was there."

When Edward had left me alone in the living room with Alice, he'd heard something. Considering how annoyed he'd looked, it made sense that it was Quil.

"That brings me to my original question then, what were you doing there?" I asked.

Quil sighed, remaining focused on the towering trees ahead of us.

"That leech lost his mind, is what happened. He got way too close."

I craned my neck to scan his face, hoping to detect any sign of jest. But he was dead serious.

"Way too close to what?"

I patiently waited for him to answer after he hopped through a particularly challenging rocky obstacle.

When we were back on solid ground, he continued.

"Okay, um, let me start at the beginning, I guess. So you know how my grandfather wasn't home when you stayed over?"

I nodded slowly against his chest.

"Well, apparently, when you were in the shower, he came home and fought with my mom about letting you stay there. I know, I know. He can be…whatever, anyway, he decided to crash at Billy's instead."

Heat pricked at my cheeks. I knew I was a burden for staying there.

"Since there was a game that night, the old man drove out to that crappy little gas station food mart here in Forks, what's it called, uh—"

"Ron's?"

"Yeah, that's it. They're the only ones around that sell this specific beer—okay, not important. So he got his stuff and in the parking lot, Edward was there. By his car."

"What? What-"

"Hold on." Squinting, he scanned the area and slowed his speed.

I recognized the small pond in the center of the woods where a few blue dragonflies hovered. The giant downed hemlock that we passed was also familiar. I'd only been this far out when I wandered off after Edward had left me.

"You can put me down now. I can walk. My feet are fine."

Carefully, he set me down, and I stretched my legs to prevent any cramping.

"Okay, continue, please," I whispered unwillingly.

"Alright, so my grandfather had no idea what the leech was doing by his car, but he clearly didn't care enough because he ignored him at first. He threw his snacks in the car and got in, but it-Edward wouldn't let him close the door, just stared at him. He told me something like 'the beast's eyes were hungry, and its face was covered with dirt.'"

I swallowed down a thick lump in my throat.

"At that point, he became afraid. Not really for himself—the man has not an ounce of fear in him—but for everyone in town. He thought the Cullens were finally going to destroy the tribe, then everyone else in Forks. So when leech asked him for our house number to speak with you, the old man laughed in his face." Quil cackled, shaking his head.

I couldn't speak through the pure embarrassment I felt.

"That must've pissed him off, 'cause he got in his face—ugh, Sam said the car still reeks—and growled at him. Telling him that his thoughts were vile. Guess he was thinking unfavorable things about you, which made him nuts. Went on about how our "shack" isn't even "suitable for you to sleep in." That I was "dangerous." But yeah, old man said he tried so hard to not think of the phone number out of spite. Obviously didn't work." He laughed again, but I could sense his annoyance. "I didn't find out about all this till later on, after patrol, when you had already gone home. Then the leech went to your place. He tried to shoo us off, warned us not to go through your window—as if any of us would that." He rolled his eyes. "But a fight almost broke out for sure. Told us all to be grateful he didn't "take us all out." Crazy stuff like that. We weren't sure what his angle was, if he was going to…do something to you, so we hung around."

Fury replaced the embarrassment.

I was fed up.

"When I showed up at their place earlier, he told me to get lost, to stay away from you. That you weren't allowed to stay at my home. As if he hadn't just terrorized my grandfather. I told him I wasn't leaving until I saw you were intact. He went pretty nuts on me, though; I saw those beast eyes like my grandpa was talking about. But, um, yeah. Sorry to lay that all on you, but I don't know how much you know."

I couldn't contain it.

I was done.

"My God, he's unbelievable! Completely ridiculous! "I threw my hands in the air. "In his mind, I'm only safe with him. You're right. It is ironic! I'm so tired of it. You know, he uses the werewolf excuse all the time, but it's anyone. He waits outside my house even if I have my human girlfriends over. I can't even exist!" I yelled, mostly all to myself, but when I remembered Quil was there, I calmed down, looked at him, and asked, "He… didn't hurt him or anything, did he?"

"No. Just hissed at him like a freak and made a dent in the car. If he hurt him, then the treaty would be over. Any more bullshit, and I'm beating his ass, just letting you know that now."

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say."

Quil sighed as he hopped over a large rock.

"You do realize that you are not responsible for a 100-year-old man-child vampire, right? Do you not get that we all pretty much see you as his… victim?"

I stopped in my tracks, my feet steadying in a bed of moss.

"I am not a victim."

Quil turned back at me, pursing his lips. Pity drenched within his features.

"Let's not get into that right now-"

"I'm not."

"Okay, okay. Come on," he said, waving his hand forward. I continued forward, arms crossed tightly to my chest.

The trailhead to Charlie's house was in view, and we were almost through the off-beaten path. The silence between us was filled with the chitters of birds and squirrels—the summer in Washington was much more active. But even the peaceful sounds of nature couldn't stop me from replaying the ridiculous scene between Edward and Old Quil in my head.

We walked the trail until the forest thinned and the back of my house was in view. The cameras installed on the siding by my window solidified my disgust.

Thankfully, Charlie's cruiser wasn't in the driveway. Quil certainly looked nothing like Angela, and he would not have been happy to see us coming from the woods.

"Here she is!" Quil exclaimed, jogging over to the broken-down Chevy on the lawn. It was depressing to look at, so I often pretended it wasn't there to begin with, but I couldn't help but smile seeing Quil so excited by it. At least someone liked my truck as much as me.

I leaned against the bed of my old trusty steed as Quil inspected it. More rust than usual flaked off when I wiped a couple of leaves off the orangey-red exterior.

"Is it really dead?"

"As far as I know."

He came around and plopped beside me, the whole truck shaking from his weight.

"I think we both know someone who could fix it." His voice broke a little, and I could see the pain in his eyes, which avoided mine. Still, a sweet smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

I didn't want to ask if they'd found him. There was no point. I knew they hadn't, and I didn't want to talk about him at all. So I said nothing because I had nothing to tell Quil that he didn't already know.

"Well, it's a good thing we're here," I said, pointing a thumb to the house. "I have your mother's sweater and shoes. Please tell her I wasn't planning on stealing from her…though tempting due to the coziness." I smiled, hoping to shake the stronghold his thoughts had on him.

This time, when he smiled, it met his eyes.

"Oh, trust me, I know. I steal her clothes all the time. Especially her robes, I practically live in those things."

"Jorts and mom robes. Ultimate fashionista over here."

"Listen, the jorts are utility, and the rest of my closet is fantastic. Honestly, I should probably help you with yours." He eyed me up and down, his smile stretching bigger.

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

"Hmm, maybe your outfits either consist of weird layers, plaid, muted-toned henleys, or stuff obviously chosen by old-ass vampires?"

Standing on my tippy toes, I nudged my elbow into his ribs.

"Am I wrong?!" He asked, breaking into hysterical laughter.

"Not one bit." I nudged again, lips pursed.

Then, Quil's laugh abruptly snuffed out. He squinted at the forest, confused. He heard something that I didn't.

"Bry?" He asked, stepping forward.

I followed his gaze to see Embry walking toward us at the edge of the forest. It was alarming how exhausted and upset he looked. He wore only black cut-offs; his chest and feet were bare. I turned around to make sure Charlie wasn't anywhere nearby. Embry was also very much not Angela.

"Bry, what're you doing?" Quil met Embry in the middle of the grass, who didn't even look at me.

"I followed your trail." Embry studied Quil, looking him up and down.

"Okay… why?"

"No one else is listening to me."

"About?"

"Jake."

My heart sank deep into my chest.

"What we're doing isn't working. We keep taking shifts, going around in circles. Every time I think I'm maybe getting close, Sam calls me to come back. We need to all go out on our own with no restrictions," Embry said, a slight bewilderment laced in his voice.

"And you spoke to Sam about this?"

"Yeah," Embry brushed a hand through his long, onyx hair. "He won't listen. He thinks it's best to work in these stupid shifts. Honestly, wanna know what I think? I think he's gonna give up soon. I really do."

Quil sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Will you stop?"

"No. No, I won't stop, Quil. Maybe the rest of you will stop, but I won't!"

Quil grabbed Embry by the shoulders and lightly shook him.

"What, you think you're the only one who cares about Jacob?! You think the rest of us aren't worried sick every day? Do you not hear us or something?"

"He could be dead-!"

"You think I haven't thought that?" Quil scoffed. "What am I even saying…of course, you don't know how I've been feeling about this. You ignore me. You block me out when we're phased! I mean, we don't even talk anymore!"

Embry rolled his sleep-deprived eyes. "Are you gonna come with me or not? Cause I'm going now."

"Where? Seriously, how is your plan going to be any better?"

"I'm going on foot. This way, I don't have to listen to Sam's bullshit orders constantly. Plus, Jake is in his human form since we can't hear him. The last time he ran off after the battle, we still heard him. He clearly didn't want that this time, so he's gotta be on foot somewhere. For some reason, Sam can't comprehend this. It's common sense!"

"You're just going to end up lost. The reason Sam has us doing shifts is so that the second Jake phases, whoever is on shift will hear him."

"But we haven't heard him at all; we're wasting time! One or two of us should be looking on foot."

"Well, I'm staying."

Tremors shook through Embry's hands, and his nostrils flared. I hesitantly stepped forward, unsure if I should intervene or not. He finally glared at me for a second, and I stumbled backward against the truck. His contempt hung thick in the air.

"Instead of looking for Jake, our brother, our best fucking friend, you're busy protecting her! The reason for all of this mess!"

His finger pointing at me felt like a dagger to the chest. But even though he was clearly delusional from lack of sleep, he was right. I was the reason Jacob left. Again.

Quil looked back at me, cringing, before turning back to Embry.

"Just leave. Okay? Seriously. Go."

"Yeah, fine. I don't know why I thought you'd listen, but I guess you're a coward like the rest. Keep running around protecting the enemy. I'll go find my fucking friend." Embry brushed hard against Quil's shoulder as he stalked past him. He didn't look at me at all when he stormed past me.

"You're so full of shit, Bry!" Quil called out, his flustered face now a deep shade of scarlet.

We both watched as Embry jogged down the street, disappearing around the bend.

"God, he's a pain in the ass. I gotta go tell Sam what he's planning."

"Should we try and stop him?" I asked, hesitantly. I really didn't want to confront him when he was so upset.

"Trust me, I know Bry better than anyone and he's going home to sleep right now. It's why he's extra cranky," Quil said, rolling his eyes.

I didn't want to pry. Their argument felt more personal than anything.

"I'll go get Joy's stuff in a bag so you can tie it around your ankle or something for the way home. Does that work?"

"Yes, that's great. Thanks. But hey, my mom really does want to see you again, so come by soon to pick up the, uh, dress."

After Quil had left, I focused on doing some chores around the house before Charlie got back home. Deep cleaning kept my hands busy, not so much my mind.

A nagging uneasiness persisted as the hours passed by. I just felt so…alone. Like I didn't know where to turn. The Cullens weren't an option anymore. They're even convinced that I'm one with the pack now, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Embry's words hurt more than I thought they would. Old Quil's disdain for me didn't feel great either. I didn't know where I belonged now. If anywhere.

One thing I did realize was that, despite what the rest of the pack thought of me, I had a friend in Quil. For some reason, he cared. I don't know what I did to deserve that, but I was grateful for it nonetheless.

And of course, thoughts of Jacob eventually crept up on me. But I had to stop them in their tracks before they got too dark.