Chapter 34: A Cool Villain, Not!

"I can't believe it. You're actually a human, aren't you? The same as me? But how did-"

-"Hah! Small world! Who would've thought, after searching this whole damn ocean, that I would have found another human turned pokemon. Put er there- ah, guess you can't with that hand. *switches hands* Well, you've still got one good arm! Come on, let's shake and bury the hatchet!"

"You're pretty full of yourself, huh?"

-"Come on. Come on! There's no more bad blood between fellow former humans! We've got to stick together to make it in this big scary world. Trainers, wild pokemon, no end of dangers out here for a lone little Tentacool."

"...You're right about that."

-"Man, who would have thought pokemon were capable of so many horrible things? All I did was annoy a single pokemon, and suddenly, I'm a turtle! How cruel the world is." He feigns shedding a tear, then quickly gets a sick grin.

-"I mean, not as cruel as me. I did break that old man's legs for trying to mess with my fun little crime spree. But his pokemon going all shrine god on me was completely uncalled for!"

"Pretty sure nobody asked for your backstory, punk."

-"Sorry sorry, I just can't help but brag. It is one of my prouder moments. Hey, have you ever seen the look on a fox's face when they realize they just turned you into a type that's super effective against them? Capital P priceless!"

"Jeez, you are just the worst kind of person... But, if you're that hung up on what happened to you, I actually have a ranger friend I can introduce you to. They say they have a way of turning a pokemon back into a hu-"

-"SCREW THAT!"

-"Listen, I appreciate the thought. But have you seen me? I'm a Wartortle in charge of the strongest group of pokemon in Johto and beyond. I have more power in this body than I know what to do with, and I'm not even fully evolved!"

-"Plus, have you ever heard the legend? They say a Wartortle's tail is magic, has the power to let them live for a thousand years. Know what that means, little fishy?"

"..."

-"It means I get to keep plundering for a long, long time! All the power of a pokemon. All the brains of a human! The Warband will rule these seas, and then? The world will be mine!"

-"So how about it, blue? Wanna join the winning side?" The crude turtle holds out a hand expectantly.

"Sorry, 'friend' but I don't intend to join hands with someone who sees others as tools. Or is crazy enough to think a bunch of turtles is enough to rule the world."

-"Eh, fine by me. I was gonna slice off your other arm anyway." Wartortle used a savage Bite attack! It cuts deep into Jessie's side.
He manages to throw him off with another Screech attack before gaining some distance.

-"Sorry kid, but there's only room enough for one super intelligent water pokemon in this world. And I plan on eating any Slowking I find out there."

"You're a sick bastard!" Jessie flings a barb toward the crazed man, forcing them to dodge to the side. Another twig comes launching out from the battle, dealing a sizable hit.

-"Guh, haven't they caught that little pr- Hurk!" Jessie grabs him round the throat with Wrap!

"Good job, Aurum! Now you, get out of here!" Flinging the man through a patch of Toxic spikes and out of the battlefield! Without this sicko calling the shots things quickly shift towards The Cooler Crew's favor. Leaderless, the mass of The Warband are left defenseless against the crew's team attacks. Finally, things appear to settle down, just for a moment.

"Is everyone alright? Tend to your wounded and get these guys tied up. Call in the land forces and have them move the-"

-"Karp karp!"

"What? Aw jeez, is that what I think it is?"

Unfortunately, the peaceful moment doesn't last long. Riding up over the surf on the back of a Dreadnaw, the mysterious turtle appears with a few new scars, one of which looking infected with poison.

"...Of course it is."

-"What? You didn't think I would just give up, did you? Not when I have you right where I want you!"

-"Pid-Pidgey!"

"Shit, they've got Dexter!"

-"Recognize this? Little caged birdy belongs to you, doesn't it? Yeah, some of my boys shot this little snot right out of the air for me! Can't have you passing messages around and leaving us out of the loop, now can I?"

-"I'd have ripped it's wings off then and there, but then I had a thought. Hey! Those assholes are probably all bleeding hearts. Why not dangle this tasty looking drumstick right out in front of them? I'll fish them out! Bwahaha! Hilarious!"

As the remaining Warband forces rally around their leader, Jessie and his group gather in a tight formation.

"Okay guys, it's not looking good. But that bastard took two whole Screech attacks before I flung him out of here. His shell isn't nearly thick enough to handle us if we get in his face and shake him up a little."

"The problem is that massive pokemon he's riding on. I don't know a thing about Galar, but I'm pretty sure the turtles down there don't normally grow that big."

-"Cool cool, tent."

"...Wait, really? That's so dumb though! I mean, if the pokemon can grow that big then why bother with projections?"

The nearby Tentacool shrugs. -"Tentacool."

"Humans are so weird..."

-"Hey! Did you forget about me? I'm screaming my head off over here about how I'm gonna kill you all! Ah forget it, just go crunch them all up. Leave me a few Goldeen though!"

The Crew begin firing their attacks, aiming to knock down the leader from his perch. The remaining enemy troops launch attacks in turn, churning up the water anew and causing a massive spray to rise with each volley.

-"Getting tired? You have only yourselves to blame! You should have gotten yourselves a titan like I did! How stupid do you have to be to- *CRACK* Gah, damnit! My fucking eye!" The irate turtle holds his head as the shattered remains of an Everstone fall from his fresh wound.

Rising from the ocean with a huge wave which splits the battlefield in two, riding on the back of a massive beast, Jessie holds onto a huge white fin with his one good tentacle.

"We did."

-"GYARADOS!"