I do not own anything, all rights go to CBS and the creators of Mcgyver.

"Die Hard marathon tomorrow?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay."

Mac managed a small smile as he took another sip of his drink. He took a paperclip out of his pocket and began methodically bending it, trying to distract his mind from thoughts and memories that played across his head like a worn out movie strip - fighting with Jack in their barracks in Afghanistan and not knowing how he was going to last 64 days with this arrogant, loud-mouthed Texan / sitting around the fire pit at his house drinking beers / countless hours of arguing over Star Wars and Bruce Willis.

Mac grabbed his drink and quickly downed the rest of it barely noticing the burning sensation in the back of his throat. He got up and walked over to the make-shift bar at the back of the plane to make himself another drink. Desi gave him a concerned look and looked like she was about to get up and go over to him but changed her mind at the last moment and turned away from him, looking out the window of the plane. Mac walked back to the seat across from Riley sipping his drink. The pair didn't say anything else, instead settled into a comfortable silence each knowing that the other was there if they needed it while they processed their grief on their own.

We got a problem

What kind of problem?

The kind you don't want to be near... You should probably get out of here though.

You know I'm not going to do that, if you go kaboom, I go kaboom.

Mac gripped his glass, his knuckles turning white as Jack's voice echoed in his head. Despite what Walker had told him, the overwhelming guilt began to suffocate him. Jack had saved his life thousands of times and the one time that Jack desperately needed the favor repaid, Mac hadn't been there and Jack had paid the ultimate price.

Don't you know a lost cause when you see one?

No, I don't...This is how it works, you watch my back I watch yours.

But he hadn't. He hadn't watched Jack's back this time.

You know me, I ain't afraid of death, I just don't want there to be any pain.

Mac closed his eyes as something squeezed his chest. Walker had said Jack had been caught in the blast in the compound when "Kovac" had supposedly blown himself up but hadn't elaborated more. Had Jack had time to make it out of the compound as he slowly burned alive? Had he suffocated from smoke inhalation, choking and struggling for air that never came? His hands shook and he downed the rest of his second drink not hesitating to get up to make a third one.

"Angus, I think you've had enough for one day my friend." Taylor said, gently taking the bottle of malt whiskey out of Mac's hands.

"I disagree." Mac shot back, grabbing the bottle out of Taylor's hands. Russ opened his mouth to argue with him then hesitated before letting out a heavy sigh and held up his hands in surrender.

"Suit yourself." Russ said with a sympathetic nod and walked back towards his seat. After the day they had all had, he would allow Macgyver to self-destruct just a little bit, but he wouldn't let him wallow in it.

Mac took a sip of his drink, trying to focus on the whiskey on his tongue and the burn in his throat to no avail. His hands still shook and he shakily set the glass down in the cup holder and leaned his head back.

Slow it down, hoss.

Mac brought his right arm up, laying his forearm across his eyes as Jack's voice echoed around him as if he were sitting right next to him.

There's a hole in my heart where Jack was and nothing's ever going to fill that spot.

He subconsciously put his left hand over his chest, feeling his heartbeat. How was his heart pumping so steadily when it felt like his chest had been torn open? Suddenly, he sat up and shook his head, no he wasn't going to fall apart, Jack wouldn't want that. Besides, he had to be there for Riley. He glanced over at her as she took a sip of her own drink then brought her knees up to her chest and leaned her head against the window, closing her eyes. Mac closed his eyes too and let out a slow, deep breath.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed but Riley now had her laptop out and was trying to keep herself busy by writing a new code, Bozer was starting to nod off on the couch and Desi was playing some game on her phone while Taylor had a book open in front of him. It was quiet, too quiet. He had tried to watch a movie on his phone but the noise gave him a headache. He couldn't seem to focus or concentrate on anything, forcing him to sit there in silence with his racing thoughts for company.

For the first time since he had been told of Jack's death he didn't have anything to distract him. There was no mission to focus on, no Codex, Jack's killer had been caught and brought to justice and he now felt his walls slowly starting to crumble as the deafening silence forced him to start to feel the emotions he had buried down deep, preventing him from allowing himself to feel the true extent of the one thing he had yet to allow himself to feel or accept – Jack was gone. His Army Overwatch, his best friend, his partner was gone. He looked around him and realized that everyone else had fallen asleep at some point. How long had he been sitting here lost in his own thoughts? He closed his eyes again and pressed a hand against his chest. The band-aid he had placed over his torn chest was slowly being peeled off and he was finding it harder and harder to ignore the gaping wound that had been festering and threatening to bleed out. Jack was gone. He stood up, making sure he didn't disturb anyone and quietly walked to the bathroom in the front of the plane, gently shutting the door to not wake anyone up.

Once the door was closed, he felt the last pieces of his walls dissolve and his chest burst open. The tears threatened to fall as his eyes stung and his throat constricted. He leaned against the counter trying to ground himself. Jack was gone. A sudden anger coursed through him and he punched the counter once then twice but it didn't help the pain exploding from his chest. He couldn't breathe. He kicked the cabinet under the sink then punched the wall but the pain continued to implode from within him and nothing was easing it. His breath hitched in his throat and he sank to the floor as his knees gave way, unable to support him. He leaned forward, his forehead pressed against his knees as he gripped his hair, his breath continuing to come in harsh, jerky waves as he allowed himself to do the one thing he swore he wouldn't do. He cried. Deep, heavy sobs that wracked his entire body. His hands stayed tangled in his hair as he leaned back banging his head against the counter. Now that he had allowed the wound to open, he couldn't seal it back up.

"Mac?"

He vaguely registered someone saying his name but he didn't have the mental capacity to identify the owner of the voice at the moment, too lost in his own thoughts and pain to respond, let alone acknowledge them.

"Angus, look at me." The voice said next to him as he felt someone sit down next to him. The words slowly made their way through his brain and he managed to force himself to look up at Russ Taylor with the most helpless expression he had ever seen. The closest he had come to seeing the blonde agent brake down was after James Macgyver had died and Russ had gone over to his house, knowing that Macgyver was lost in his own grief, but then Mac had been able to have some semblance of control over his emotions, right now, Russ knew he did not.

"Slow your breathing Mac, deep breaths." Russ instructed as Mac continued to hyperventilate. Mac just continued to cry as his body trembled, his knuckles turning white from how hard he was gripping his hair.

"Come on Angus, take a deep breath." Russ tried again and gently placed a hand on the blonde's shoulder but Mac wasn't to the point of responding quite yet. He knew he needed to ride out his emotions before he would be able to gain control again.

"You're okay, just breathe." Taylor said gently, keeping his hand on Mac's shoulder to offer some form of comfort. After what felt like an eternity, Taylor felt the shaking start to lessen and Mac's breathing while still labored had been reduced to heavy breathing rather then hyperventilating.

"Are you alright?" Russ asked a minute later when it seemed that Mac had come down from the worst of his heightened emotions. Mac merely nodded as he continued to take several heavy breaths and wiped at his eyes even though tears continued to leak down his face, unable to stop the flow of tears that refused to let up. A dam had broken inside of him and he couldn't stop crying despite how much he may want to.

"Jack's gone." Mac choked out, his voice thick with grief. Saying the words out loud caused another wave of sobs to wrack his body. Russ wrapped his left arm around the blonde agent's back as his shoulders shook.

"I know, I'm so sorry." Taylor said softly.

He sat on the floor with him and chose not to say anything else until Mac leaned his head back against the counter closing his eyes. His breathing had finally returned to normal but tears still streamed silently down his face.

"Jack's gone." Mac said again, not opening his eyes. Russ nodded even though Angus couldn't see him with his eyes closed, knowing that Mac wasn't looking for a response. This was Mac forcing himself to accept that Jack Dalton was dead and not coming back. After another several minutes, Mac finally opened his eyes and looked over at Russ.

"I'm sorry." Mac muttered. He leaned forward pinching the bridge of his nose as he felt the beginnings of a headache.

"You have nothing to apologize for Angus." Russ replied gently and offered him a small smile. He stood up and held out a hand to Mac who hesitated for a brief moment before taking a shaky breath and grabbed Taylor's hand and let him pull him to his feet. He put a hand against the counter to steady himself as a wave of dizziness hit him, whether from the 2 and a half glasses of whiskey he had drank in such a short amount of time or his breakdown or a combination of the two he wasn't sure.

"Come on." Taylor said clapping a hand against his shoulder and went to open the bathroom door.

"Yeah, just uh...give me a minute." Mac said. He wasn't quite ready to leave the confines of the bathroom just yet. Taylor nodded in understanding.

"Sure, take your time." He said then turned to close the bathroom door behind him but Mac called out to him before the door shut.

"Hey Taylor?"

"Yes?"

Mac took another deep breath and wiped his eyes on the back of his sleeve. "Thanks." Taylor nodded and offered him a small smile.

"Anytime Angus." Russ said then gently shut the door, giving Mac the privacy he asked for.

Mac placed both of his hands palm down against the counter and bowed his head taking a few deep breaths. He looked up at his reflection and frowned. His eyes were red and puffy from crying for so long and dark circles ran under both of his eyes. His hair was a mess, sticking up in all directions from his constant pulling on it. He sighed and turned on the faucet making the water as cold as it would go then splashed his face a few times and ran his hands while they were still wet through his hair. He stared at himself in the mirror again. He looked disheveled, pale and down right exhausted and his eyes were still bloodshot but he didn't look like he was about to keel over anymore.

"I'm going to miss you." Mac whispered looking up towards the ceiling then opened the door of the bathroom and quietly went back to his seat across from Riley, thankful to see that the only person that he had woken up was Russ who looked up from his book when he saw him come out of the bathroom. Mac nodded at him and offered him a small grin.

He was okay. They would all get through this together.