Hey guys and welcome to one of three more new fics that I've been working on involving the Number 1 Hyperactive Knucklehead Ninja. In this case, the Big Bang Theory is what's being invaded, though Naruto isn't a ninja in this.
This starts in season one between episode 3 and 4, so the guys are still getting to know Penny, and Leonard is at his most awkward.
This may be an episode a chapter at times and others it may be multiple episodes a chapter. It mainly depends on how much I can work with at times since some episodes have a lot more to work with than others do.
Now I'll just get the people who are canon bound to leave now: Penny and Bernadette are with Naruto, not sure who else will be but those two are 100% going to be with Naruto permanently. Who Leonard and Howard end up with, you'll have to wait and see.
Naturally with Naruto around, things will get worse or better depending on the situation in question. And I will say that while Naruto may seem perfect at times, he has his own flaws, quirks, and moments too.
So obviously, this is a harem, and it will likely have girls from other series in this too, not sure how big it will be, but unlikely to exceed 10.
I think that's it so let's get this show on the road.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Big Bang Theory, or anything associated nor anything else that may be added to this fic later on.
"Speech"
"Thoughts"
"Radio, TV, or altered voice"
"Book, Computer, Letter, Text Message"
*see bottom for note
[Translation]
CHAPTER 1: IT ALL STARTED WITH A MAELSTROM
PASADENA CALIFORNIA, 2311 NORTH LOS ROBLES, LOS ROBLES APARTMENT BUILDING.
Doctor Sheldon Cooper and Doctor Leonard Hofstadter, two physicists of CalTech were entering their apartment building with their friends Doctor Rajesh Koothrappali and Mr. Howard Wolowitz. Sheldon held the door while Leonard entered and immediately went to the mailbox. "Huh, looks like you're getting a new tenant." Raj stated as he could see someone in the super's office, couldn't make out who but they were signing a lease from what he could see.
"Hopefully it's not another plebeian or troglodyte, it would be nice to have some more intelligent people to make conversation with." Sheldon stated as he waited for Leonard to get their mail which included a large manila envelope.
"I'd just like more babes like Penny to be around, much better when it's a small area than to look for them than in a large area." Howard stated making Raj shake his head.
"Yes, I'm sure you'd have fun." Sheldon stated as he was waiting for Leonard to hurry up so they could go upstairs.
"Yeah." Howard stated as Leonard checked the packages left there and headed for the stairs.
"Anything interesting?" Raj asked as they climbed the stairs heading for the fourth floor.
"Bill. Junk. Request to resubscribe. Junk. Junk. Junk." Leonard stated as they climbed the stairs.
"Yet another day of nothing interesting going on." Sheldon stated as they reached the door and Sheldon started unlocking it.
"Huh, here's something. Envelope is addressed to Shadow Lord Sheldor Coopsland of the Free Marshes and it lists our apartment number." Leonard stated as Sheldon froze before he opened the door and grabbed the envelope and stormed into the apartment before he tore it open and he started reading the first page.
"You okay?" Raj asked as Sheldon went through the pages scanning them.
"You're all on your own for tonight's activities, I have something to do." Sheldon stated as he sat at his desk and was looking at the other pages.
"Something wrong?" Leonard asked and Sheldon didn't look at him.
"I don't know yet, but I'll find out." Sheldon stated as he kept looking intently at the pages.
Leonard picked up the first page and read it out loud, "Greetings Lord Sheldor Coopsland; Lord of Shadows and Flame, Hidden One, Archduke of Shelloop Town, bane of the 8th ring of Kazarloon, slayer of Merkthar the Conqueror and Anu-Tamin the Insane, and guardian of Kal'ashi's World Spine; you are hereby challenged to a meNtal battle to see if your mind has withered After 18 cycles of Toophraki. Should you accept this challenge, you will find your instRuctions on the following pages, natUrally you will have to decipher them, Tis no fun if it was easy, nO? I shall warn you that there is a section you will reach that will give you pause, it is difficult enough that even the Guardian of Azuramar would need some time to get an answer, should you wish to make it a bit easier, there's a clue at the back page or perhaps you know the answer already because you've been paying close enough attention? Regardless, I look forward to seeing your fight and hopefully you'll come out victorious. Best of luck, a Grinning Lord." Leonard read as the other two were looking as confused as he was.
"I'm sorry what?" Howard stated as Sheldon was still looking over the papers.
"Don't worry Howard, this was designed to test my mind, not yours. Although, I have to say he's gotten much more creative since the last time he made one of these." Sheldon stated as he flipped through the papers.
"You know who sent you this?" Raj asked and Sheldon kept reading.
"No, I know who made this puzzle though." Sheldon stated as he moved a page for them to see and it looked like a bunch of spam symbols all over it.
"THAT's a puzzle?!" Howard asked incredulously and Sheldon nodded.
"For those of sufficient brain power, yes." Sheldon commented making Howard slump his shoulders and sigh.
"I have a master's degree in engineering, Sheldon, my brain has plenty of sufficient power." Howard stated as Sheldon snorted.
"Yet, you just saw a mess and not a code. I took it as a challenge and studied it. It took me 33.2 seconds to identify that the spam had to be converted from matrix code to binary code, then switched to base eight before being translated back into letters. It then took me another 126 seconds to see that it was then translated to ancient elvish of Li-Sha, which was in the form of a Bacon Cypher which revealed that it was converted into Japanese and translated into the language of the Khali and now it's in English, but it's not straight English. Now I'm working on which form of translation that this English/non English is so I can see if there are more instructions within. I can go into more detail if you want." Sheldon stated as he paused and looked at Howard, who looked completely stumped.
"So, the guy used math, code, other earth languages, and then languages from games like DnD?" Raj asked and Sheldon nodded.
"Correct." Sheldon stated he was looking at more of the cypher.
"Wow, maybe I should talk to this guy about making clues for a scavenger hunt should we get enough people in our group to do one." Raj stated knowing that half the fun was solving clues on where to go.
"So, who do you know that's capable of making this?" Leonard asked knowing that it had to be time consuming and difficult to make sure each thing translated properly to the next.
"Besides me or Stephen Hawking? I know 6 people that could do this. 2 wouldn't waste the effort, 1 wouldn't care enough to do so, 2 would deem it too Troublesome, and 1 would do this just for the fun of it, whether he's the sender or not though is unknown." Sheldon stated as he kept studying the cypher.
The three just looked at each other in slight confusion and worry before shrugging and going to the couch and chairs around the coffee table.
LATER
"Hey guys." Penelope "Penny" Teller, Sheldon and Leonard's neighbor across the landing/hall, stated as she entered and saw Raj, Howard, and Leonard sitting around the coffee table eating pizza while Sheldon had a large white board and a mess of papers around him. "What's up with him? Some kind of science thing?" Penny asked as she took a seat, ignoring Howard leering at her.
"Uh… sort of, he got a massively encrypted cypher in the mail and he's spent the last two hours trying to decode it and he's on what he believes is the last part." Leonard stated as Penny blinked. "He got a really hard secret code message." Leonard simplified making her gain a look of understanding.
"Don't you have a science thingy to solve it faster?" Penny asked making Sheldon snort.
"That would take the challenge out of it, especially since the computer programs are only useful if you know the code you're trying to decrypt. This one has used 27 unique coding approaches and no less than 12 have more than one variant. In this case it's faster for me to do it longhand until I find the one that works." Sheldon stated as he kept looking between the board and his papers.
"Uh… okay." Penny stated, not really getting what he was talking about.
"He wants a challenge and doesn't want to use the easy way, which would take the fun out of it for him." Howard explained making Penny nod as she sat down and got a slice of pizza.
It was five minutes later that Sheldon shot to his feet and dropped his marker. "You okay?" Leonard asked looking at him.
"I need someone to take me to the Comic Book Store." Sheldon stated as he got his wallet, keys, and bag.
"Why?" Leonard asked as he looked at him.
"I finished deciphering the message, now I have to go confront him." Sheldon stated making them look at him in confusion.
"Confront who?" Penny asked as Sheldon sorted the papers before opening the door and looking at them.
"My former best friend and surrogate brother." Sheldon said making them look at him in surprise.
"Fuck it, I'm interested." Penny stated as she stood and grabbed a piece of pizza before heading out, "Just let me grab my keys." She stated as she walked to her apartment.
"I guess I'll come too." Raj stated as he stood.
"Why?" Howard asked and Raj looked at him.
"Tell me you're not the least bit curious to see someone who Sheldon says was his best friend and brother figure in his life plus made that encrypted message?" Raj stated, causing Howard and Leonard to look at each other.
"Dammit, all right." Leonard sighed as Howard nodded and began chomping on his piece of pizza while Leonard grabbed his keys and everything before they all left.
COMIC BOOK STORE
Sheldon quickly entered the shop with the others following him, not paying attention to the owner Stuart greeting them. No, their attention was on a guy that was browsing the back of the store.
"Well, well, well. If it isn't Naruto, come to twist the knife in my back some more?" Sheldon asked as he approached the man making him turn to look at Sheldon.
The guys were surprised because the guy was not someone they pictured being friends with or knowing Sheldon at all. Penny was surprised because the guy was REALLY hot and was in no way a nerd or geek type that she thought would fit in with the guys.
He stood about 6'4", fit yet not overly muscular, crystal blue eyes, tanned skin, golden blond hair that was wild and spiky, and wearing jeans, boots, and a red Henley shirt.
"Sheldon, long time no see. You're looking good, how's meemaw doing?" Naruto asked with a smile as Sheldon looked at him.
"Really? You betray me and then years later you show up and just ask how meemaw's doing?" Sheldon asked as Naruto cocked an eyebrow.
"Betray you? Oh, you mean me having to leave Texas? That wasn't a betrayal, I had to go, I even asked your memaw to explain it, though thinking on it, I think a day later was when her male friend passed away so she may have been too preoccupied to tell you." Naruto stated while Sheldon just frowned at him.
"Okay, I'll bite, what possible reason could you have to leave, not even say goodbye in person, and not contact me? Not that I'd have accepted any contact since you broke our pact and friendship contract." Sheldon stated as the others were just watching.
"Article 26, subsection O, paragraph 3, clause B." Naruto stated making Sheldon widen his eyes in shock.
"Oh no, who was it?" Sheldon asked in concern as Naruto sighed.
"Gramps Hashirama and Uncle Tobirama, car accident. Me and mom had to go and help take care of things and then other things came up, I went to school where I could, and got work in while advancing myself like we had talked about doing together. I only found out you were here when I talked with Missy a month ago, so I decided to come here." Naruto explained as Sheldon slumped his shoulders.
"I'm so sorry, I liked Hashirama and Tobirama, they were always nice." Sheldon stated before shocking his friends as he actually hugged Naruto. "There, there." Sheldon stated as Naruto laughed slightly and patted him on the back.
"Thanks man." Naruto stated as they separated before he noticed the group. "That your new party?" Naruto asked as Sheldon turned and looked at the group.
"Oh, yes. The glasses one is Doctor Leonard Hofstadter, he's my roommate and colleague at the university. The girl is Penny, she lives across the hall from Leonard and I, though she's not anywhere near our intellect. Howard Wolowitz is the scrawny guy; he thinks he's smart because he has a master's in engineering and is a quote "ladies' man" end quote but he also works at the university as a science Oompa Loompa. The last one is Doctor Rajesh Koothrappali, he's an astrophysicist for the university." Sheldon informed, making Naruto nod.
"So, you befriended Leonard begrudgingly and the rest were dragged along." Naruto summed up making Sheldon look at him a moment before smiling.
"I'm so glad you're back, I can finally have a conversation on equal footing." Sheldon stated in relief as Naruto laughed. "You hungry?" Sheldon asked as Naruto shrugged. "We're having pizza night back at our apartment, come join us, we can catch up." Sheldon stated as Naruto shrugged.
"Cool." He stated as they walked towards the group.
"Everyone, this Naruto Namikaze, my best friend and brother figure. He's going to eat with us." Sheldon stated as he smiled and Naruto waved.
"Hey, nice to meet you all." Naruto stated as he looked at Sheldon, "Surprised it took you so long, though I did have plenty of time to browse here and find some stuff I was missing from my collections." Naruto stated and Sheldon shrugged.
"You've gotten better at your cyphers, and I didn't want the hint on the back." Sheldon stated as Naruto smirked.
"But you overlooked the one in the beginning I guess." He stated and Sheldon looked at him in confusion. "Capitalization errors." Naruto stated as Sheldon frowned before widening his eyes.
"I see, clever. I was so focused on the prospective challenge that I didn't even consider those six letters to be a focal anomaly." Sheldon stated as Naruto smiled.
"Still getting tunnel vision I see." Naruto stated as he shook his head before turning to Stuart, who was torn between staring at Penny and watching the interaction between his newest customer and one of his oldest ones. "Stuart if you'll hang onto those items for me, I'll come by in a few days to get them and drop off that stuff I was telling you about." Naruto requested and Stuart nodded.
"Sure thing, please come again." Stuart stated since he wasn't going to have a problem with the guy who dropped $5,000 like it was nothing and was willing to pay a holding fee for them all.
"Thanks." Naruto replied before turning back to Sheldon, "So pizza?" Naruto asked as Sheldon nodded and the two walked out leaving four completely dumbfounded people.
"HOW is he Sheldon's friend?" Penny asked as the other three shrugged and shook their heads.
"Come on, let's go before they end up leaving us here." Leonard stated as they went outside and saw Naruto talking to Sheldon while next to a nice truck.
"I'm amazed you got this model when the other has a higher rating on things." Sheldon stated as Naruto shrugged.
"It does, but I examined the manufacturing, repair, outline, upkeep, and statistic specs and details. The other model is popular at first, but if you look down the line it ends up requiring more upkeep, repairs, patches, and maintenance than this model. While I can just fix things myself, I'd rather not have to do it near constantly." Naruto explained as Sheldon nodded.
"I see, wise decision. It's much like how you can't always trust online reviews of things." Sheldon stated as Naruto nodded.
"Yeah, I don't trust the reviews since for all you know, an employee or the person the review is about made that review to give a positive light. Plus, there's the fact that so called "professionals" are paid to write positive reviews regardless of if they're true or not." Naruto stated making Sheldon frown and nod. "Anyway, let's go, I'm hungry." Naruto stated as he climbed in and so did Sheldon.
"Let's go pardner, yeehaw!" Sheldon shouted as Naruto drove off making the others just stare after them in stunned silence.
SHELDON AND LEONARD'S APARTMENT
The four entered to see Naruto sitting and talking with Sheldon, "Meemaw still sends her cookies during the holidays, though I'm not sure she's 100% forgiven you for figuring out her brisket recipe." Sheldon stated as Naruto snorted and took a swig of a soda.
"I warned her not to make that bet with me. It never goes well for people when they bet against me. That's how I got the prom queen and the two runner ups into a limo for a night of fun, then had to humiliate those steroid heads when they tried to pick a fight afterwards." Naruto stated as Sheldon chuckled.
"I still don't know how you got the prom king naked with various embarrassing writings on him during lunch and then got him to run through the cafeteria." Sheldon stated and Naruto smirked.
"Georgie, Miss Euen, and the girls from prom helped with that. Then it was just timing and a little power of persuasion." Naruto stated making Sheldon gain a look of realization before noticing the others.
"Took you long enough, the pizza is nearly cold now." Sheldon stated as the four just looked at him before shaking their heads and entering.
"So, Naruto, what do you do?" Penny asked flirtatiously wanting to get to know the blonde hottie in front of her.
"Oh, I'm a scientific researcher and engineer." Naruto supplied making Penny laugh a bit.
"No, you're not." She laughed and Naruto nodded.
"Yup, got multiple doctorates to prove it. I study each science in some manner, perform various tests according to what a higher grade hypothesis is at the time, and build and design new equipment to help progress scientific research, progress, and research further and further." Naruto stated and Sheldon nodded.
"It's true, you could say Naruto is what happens when you combine Leonard, Howard, and Raj and then add my own intelligence to mix. It's why he's my best friend, he can actually keep up with any topic of discussion, unlike these three near cavemen. Although, lord knows that Naruto has Alpha Male looks going for him along with his intelligence, thereby meaning he'd be a Supreme Male in ranking and these three would be begging just to literally be in the same room as him in the animal kingdom." Sheldon stated causing the three scientists to just look at him with annoyance.
"I could see that." Penny stated as Naruto easily put many of her exes to shame and he wasn't an idiot, criminal, or, at least didn't seem to be, asshole which was also a bonus.
"Eh, Sheldon sells himself short, put him in a modern suit or tuxedo and he becomes a budget James Bond." Naruto stated as he ate his pizza not caring that Penny was staring so much.
"Somehow I doubt that." Penny stated still looking at Naruto and wondering how much flirting she could get in without the four stooges ruining it with heavy scientific talk.
"I did say budget, not full-fledged wanting to jump his bones and never let him leave the bed." Naruto stated as he sat back.
"So, what brings you to town?" Howard asked as he sat on the floor.
"Oh, well, when I found out Sheldon lived here, I applied to the university and was hired the next day. Apparently, I'm a money magnet and the college would be happy to have me do work for them." Naruto stated making Leonard, Raj, and Howard look at him incredulously while Sheldon lit up.
"That's great! Finally, I'll have someone to talk to without feeling like I'm educating them." Sheldon stated as Naruto snorted.
"I can see I'll need to work on your filter again. Am I gonna have to get you that book series again too?" Naruto stated and Sheldon shook his head.
"No, as per our arrangement, I review them once every quarter, although I think I'm overdue for another review." Sheldon stated, knowing that sarcasm and sexual items were not his strong suit, but the books did help with them.
"So where are you staying, Naruto?" Penny asked as she wanted to know how often she'd see the new hottie.
"Oh, two floors up from here actually." Naruto revealed making everyone look at him in surprise.
"What? You're going to be living here?" Sheldon asked as Naruto nodded.
"Yup. Once renovations are done at least." Naruto said turning the surprise to confusion.
"Renovations?" Leonard asked as Naruto nodded as he chewed the slice of pizza before swallowing.
"Yeah, I paid the landlord higher rent to basically convert two separate apartments into one loft style apartment. I'm also paying for the renovations myself and offered my services for any major repairs the building needs." Naruto elaborated making each of them, except Sheldon, stare at him dumbfounded.
"How much is that costing?" Howard asked in shock.
"Quite a bit, but I don't want a house right now, real estate isn't a great investment at the moment, and I get to be close to work, Sheldon, three comic shops, two pizza places, two Chinese places, one Greek, four convenience stores, one Thai place, and several other notable but desirable locations to make life easier. Plus, I have money to burn so it's not a big deal." Naruto stated casually as he ate more.
"What do you mean you have money to burn?" Leonard asked and Naruto shrugged.
"Well, each time I invent a new device or piece of equipment, people either want to pay me a large amount of money to own the patent for it or to be able to use the equipment they have to pay a royalty fee. Then there's various investments I've made, grants and awards I've won, and the fact that I'm really fucking lucky and have won quite a bit from casinos and the like. Plus, there's some other items that pay out rather well over time and come with some other perks. Bottom line, I have money to get by rather comfortably in life without any major issues so I can spend quite a bit at times without feeling any backlash." Naruto explained as he ate while they all just stared at him as Sheldon shrugged and kept eating.
"Makes sense, you were making a good bit of money in school with exams and tests and homework, plus training the different jocks in things. Makes sense that you would continue to have such success in adulthood." Sheldon stated as Naruto nodded.
"Yeah, though quick question, is Raj a mute?" Naruto asked indicating the fact that Raj hadn't said a word the entire time.
"Oh, no. He's got selective mutism. Whenever he's around a girl he finds attractive, he becomes unable to speak. As you can logically guess, he finds Penny attractive." Sheldon stated as Naruto nodded and then eyed Penny up and down.
"That's understandable." Naruto stated as Penny smiled a bit. "So, Raj, you mind if I ask you a question or two? You can nod or just not answer if you don't want to." Naruto stated and Raj shrugged. "Forgive the bit of psychoanalysis here, but was your father the parent you felt closer to and was more approving of you than your mother?" Naruto asked and Raj frowned and thought before he eventually nodded. "And some of your accomplishments were overshadowed by a sister or two, especially the baby sister who was the favorite of the parents?" Naruto asked again and Raj frowned before nodding again. "So, is it possible your inability to talk to women is because you're terrified that if you talk, then you won't be able to impress them and thus they'll outright reject you or be disappointed in, if not outright dislike you? So, you'd rather just seem weird and not talk than risk that you'll not be liked or be rejected?" Naruto asked as Raj blinked and thought about it before he suddenly began crying a bit as he nodded.
"Sheldon, we have an upset friend, what do we do?" Naruto asked as Sheldon nodded.
"Offer a hot beverage." Sheldon stated as he set his plate down and got up.
"Chamomile, it has apigenin which will help with his anxiety." Naruto stated as he offered Raj a tissue where he promptly blew his nose and then took another to dab at his eyes.
Naruto patted him on his shoulders and rubbed his back, "There, there. It's okay, now that we have a root of the issue, we can work on fixing it and making things better, okay?" Naruto asked as Raj nodded while still blowing his nose.
"So, Howard, Sheldon tells me you're an engineer, but for some reason you didn't get your doctorate." Naruto stated while letting Raj cry on his shoulder and still kept eating his pizza.
"Yes." Howard sighed, already expecting the insults since the guy was Sheldon's friend.
"Was there a reason you didn't go for it? Money troubles? You needed to be at home more to help your family? You didn't see a real reason to?" Naruto asked as he patted Raj's head.
"A small combination of those. My dad left when I was young, it was just me and my mom, I didn't want to financially burden her more and I didn't want to be away from home even longer." Howard stated making Naruto nod.
"And you didn't want your mom to feel like you were abandoning her." Naruto stated as Howard shrugged before nodding.
"Well, yeah, it's just been the two of us for years. We've been there for each other in every heartache, problem, and celebration." Howard stated as Naruto nodded.
"And you subconsciously sabotage relationships as a means to not have to risk leaving her because most women don't want to live with the in-laws? You also overly flirt and seek women to get a different form of intimacy and enjoy the relationship while you can before things get too serious?" Naruto asked looking at Howard, who moved his mouth but nothing would come out as Raj was now sipping his tea.
Howard eventually closed his mouth as he sat back and thought about it, seeming lost in his thoughts.
Naruto then turned to Leonard, who held a hand up, "I don't need psychological fixing, trust me I got plenty of that from my mother." Leonard stated not needing to open that silo of worms again.
"Oh? What does she do?" Naruto asked curiously as Penny sat and ate her pizza, feeling like she was in a real life drama series or even on Dr. Phil.
"She's a renowned neuroscientist, psychoanalyst, and author. Beverly Hofstadter." Leonard revealed making Naruto raise an eyebrow.
"Oh, Beverly? She's a lovely woman, her eldest children are breaking ground in many fields and shaking the communities. She did mention she had a son who was still finding himself, just didn't know it was you." Naruto stated making Leonard look at him in shock while Sheldon just raised an eyebrow, already guessing that Naruto possibly KNEW Beverly Hofstadter more than Leonard probably wanted or would like.
"You know my mother?" Leonard asked and Naruto nodded.
"Yes, we've actually worked on some research together and she's scanned my brain more than once for her own studies and research. Though we did get into a heated debate at one point when I pointed out some flaws in a research paper she was planning to publish but it corrected itself when I showed her factual proof to what I was claiming was incorrect." Naruto stated casually as Raj sat up and began chewing some pizza at a sedated pace.
"You CORRECTED her and she's still willing to talk to you?!" Leonard asked in shock as Naruto nodded.
"I believe that's what I just said. I'm not sure why you are surprised, she's very reasonable when you talk to her as an equal." Naruto stated making Leonard just stare at him.
"It probably doesn't help that Leonard has always felt like the black sheep of the family and thus was always being disapproved of and looked down upon by his mother and siblings while his father did his best to keep him uplifted. To this day, Leonard still seeks her approval and to even have the slightest feeling that she loves him without it just being that she's his mother so she's naturally going to care about him." Sheldon stated as Naruto nodded.
"Ah, the classic bit of child not being able to live up to high standards so they chase it for life while slowly getting resentful and annoyed at anyone who has their own connection to the parent that is superior to their own." Naruto spoke as he took another bite of pizza as Leonard groaned and sat back while rubbing his head.
"Alfred was always nice, helped him out recently when his work hit a snag. A friend of mine and her daughter were happy to have him join them on an expedition they were mounting. Last I heard from him, he was having fun and making some rather fascinating discoveries and research." Naruto continued as he ate his pizza.
"Really? Huh, rare for an anthropologist to make many discoveries that are worth being classified as fascinating, I'll have to read his research when he publishes it." Sheldon commented as he was drinking his own drink and eating pizza.
Naruto then looked at Penny, who both smiled and waved at him. "Yeah, uh, no real need to analyze me." Penny stated, not really seeing much point.
"Oh, I don't need to ask anything about you to see you." Naruto stated making her look at him in confusion. "You're a classic tomboy girl that decided she liked sex and looking sexy and cute as she got older. Your tone and attitude suggest farmer girl, but since you're such a tomboy your dad wanted a son and likely accepted you until you started developing boobs and a butt or had your first period, whichever came first. Then the distancing started and you started to feel less connected to your dad, who probably had a nickname for you like buster, champ, or slugger." Naruto stated as Penny widened her eyes at the last, "Ah, so slugger, after the distancing started he likely stopped calling you slugger and instead went to generics like sweetie, honey, hon, etcetera. Etcetera. till instead of being like a best friend, he was just your dad from then on and it got worse when your younger sibling, likely a brother, was born." Naruto finished as Penny moved her mouth to talk but nothing came out.
"Doesn't mean he doesn't love you, of course, but that's gonna sting that he wanted a son so much and your resentment leads you to likely sleep with guys that you know he'd not approve of to get his attention." Naruto finished as Penny slumped back in her seat and just stared at her pizza trying to process things.
"I must say, this is the quietest it's been in a long time." Sheldon stated as he sat and ate with Naruto as the others were all stuck in their own thoughts or Raj was still stuck being unable to talk since Penny was in the room.
"Yeah, though this will help them later on with things so they may get back to normal tomorrow or in a few days." Naruto stated as they sat and ate quietly.
"Fair enough, though it's nice to see your 'helping people' thing is still going strong." Sheldon stated since Naruto had a bit of a habit of helping people no matter who, when, where, or what, it made him popular with a lot of people especially since it usually resulted in said people improving afterwards.
"Yeah. So anyway, have you been keeping up on comics, manga, movies, and such?" Naruto asked and Sheldon snorted and thus began an in-depth conversation on those subjects before Naruto eventually saw the time. "Ah, it's getting late, I better head out so I can get a good sleep. I meet with President Siebert in the morning to discuss my employment in-depth and he can "wow" me with what CalTech has. Goodnight guys, nice meeting you." Naruto stated as he stood up and Sheldon did too.
"I'll walk you out." Sheldon stated as he walked with Naruto and closed the apartment door as they descended the stairs.
"Gotta ask, is Penny with Leonard or Howard?" Naruto asked and Sheldon giggled.
"Oh heaven's no. Leonard has been pining for her for the past couple months she's been here and Howard has tried several rather blunt attempts at flirting, but no. She's not engaged in any form of coitus or relationship with them." Sheldon stated making Naruto nod.
"Ah, all right then." Naruto stated as Sheldon looked at him.
"I will never understand your obsession with coitus." Sheldon stated as Naruto laughed.
"Exercise, stress reliever, relaxation, and fun." Naruto listed off casually as they reached the lobby.
"Mmm, well to each their own." Sheldon stated as he hugged Naruto and then went back upstairs.
Sheldon got back to his apartment and opened the door to see Raj just relaxing with water before he stood and waved at Sheldon before leaving. "Good night, Raj, drive safe." Sheldon stated making Raj smile and nod to him before leaving.
Sheldon just looked at the others still there and blinked before he slammed the door. "I am not sabotaging my relationships"/"My dad didn't wish I was a boy"/"My mother likes you?!" Howard, Penny, and Leonard all shouted as the slam jolted them awake.
"Naruto left already. He said goodnight and it was nice meeting you, but you were all stuck in your mental spirals from him cracking you all open like a bunch of eggs and Raj just headed home as well. I am going to bed, it's past my usual bedtime, finish the pizza and such but please don't be too loud, goodnight." Sheldon stated he walked past them and to his room making the three blink before looking at the time.
"Man, I gotta go before ma starts getting a nationwide manhunt started for me." Howard stated as he grabbed three slices of pizza and left while giving a halfhearted wave.
"Yeah, I'm gonna turn in too." Penny stated as she left for her apartment, while grabbing a pizza that was still left.
Leonard, still reeling from the fact that his mother actually liked someone that wasn't one of his siblings, didn't even have it in him to try and flirt with Penny as she left and just waved at her as she closed the door.
"Only met the guy for five minutes and he turned us all upside down while making Sheldon seem like the stable one. This is gonna turn out just great." Leonard muttered to himself wondering what kind of a roller coaster they just got on without realizing it.
He needed to go to bed.
Hopefully, things will make more sense in the morning and if not? Well, at least the others were just as lost as he was, except for Sheldon somehow.
NEXT DAY: CALTECH UNIVERSITY
"I can't tell you how excited we are to have you here, Mr. Namikaze." President/Dr. Joshua Siebert stated for what felt like the hundredth time since Naruto got there.
"Once again, Dr. Siebert, you don't have to. I'm happy to be here." Naruto stated as they were touring the buildings, areas, departments, and labs.
"Still, I can't tell you how much of a fan I am. Your papers on the theory of relativity, with M-Theory and Chaos Theory were rather brilliant." Siebert stated making Naruto smile and nod.
"Thank you. It doesn't quite get answers, but it may point some people in the right direction as science advances. If I can't find the answer, then I'll try to build some steps for the person who will find it." Naruto said making Siebert smile.
"Ah, here is our engineering department." Siebert stated as they entered showing several labs and workstations full of electronics and robotics as well as different people working.
"Hey Howard." Naruto greeted seeing the man there working on a large toilet.
"Oh, hey Naruto, going through the tour I take it?" Howard asked as he nodded to Siebert.
"Yes, we're showing our new celebrity employee around. Mr. Wolowitz here is designing a waste disposal unit for the international space station." Siebert stated with Naruto nodding and understanding that it was a glorified space toilet, but waste disposal unit sounded more fancy and catchy.
"I see, these the schematics?" Naruto asked seeing the outlines and diagrams on the table as Howard stood.
"Yup, designed and built this myself after NASA wanted a better system." Howard stated as Naruto nodded and looked them over.
"Oh, you may want to increase the tensile strength and reinforce this part here or widen the piping. The dietary restrictions for astronauts and cosmonauts mean they are going to be a bit... rough with their excrement. If you don't ensure that's reinforced properly it could fail after 4 flushes." Naruto stated pointing to a bit of piping in the back.
"What?! No, no, no, no. I calculated everything carefully, there shouldn't be any..." Howard started as he looked over his calculations and his schematics before pausing as he saw that he had missed a slight factor. "Oh shit." Howard stated in a high pitched laughing voice.
"It's fine, just increase the diameter by 4 centimeters, increase the wall thickness by 6 centimeters, and then insulate the pipe while increasing suction and soaking the waste more and you'll be fine. Materials and cost should be within budget and you get the university and yourself some more money as each time they want one or need repairs they'll have to pay for the new and enlarged parts." Naruto stated marking the spots.
"But wouldn't that-"
"No, the extra suction and wetting will break down the waste more, allowing for easier suction."
"But what about-"
"The diameter increase should be negligible and if not, then whoever last prepared or worked on the station made an error and it's not your fault as you were going by the official blueprints and schematics."
"Then that would mean-"
"That you can in theory charge them another 5 figure sum for the work and adaptations not counting any extra work that would be needed if the station isn't exactly to those official schematics."
Howard just looked at Naruto before hugging him. "You're a genius." He stated before he got to work on the edits and fixes.
"I know." Naruto stated as he turned to Siebert, who was grinning, already happy with how Naruto just earned the university more money and recognition with this, before they left that department.
They continued the tour until they reached the Physics department and found Raj first.
"Hey Raj, feeling better?" Naruto asked as Raj turned and smiled.
"Naruto, so good to see you. And yes, thank you, after our talk yesterday, I had a long conversation with my parents and I feel great, I think we sealed up some issues we had." Raj stated making Naruto nod while Siebert frowned in confusion.
"I'm sorry, have you met before? I assumed you and Mr. Wolowitz met at a symposium or something but..." Siebert asked and Naruto shook his head.
"No, we met yesterday when I wanted to see my best friend." Naruto informed, making Siebert frown in confusion further.
"Who is your best friend?" Siebert asked while Raj bit his lips waiting to see the reaction.
"Dr. Sheldon Cooper." Naruto stated making Siebert look at him in shock before he started laughing loudly and heartily, looking like he was going to fall over from it.
"Oh, oh, that was good, Mr. Namikaze, that was truly humorous." Siebert stated only to start to realize that Naruto was just looking at him and Raj wasn't laughing. "Wait... you're serious?!" Siebert asked in shock making Naruto nod.
"Uh huh, we grew up together until I had to move to help and support family." Naruto stated narrowing his eyes. "Why? Do you have a problem with Sheldon, Dr. Siebert?" Naruto asked in a low tone as Siebert quickly began waving his hands and shaking his hands.
"What?! Nonononoonononononononononono! I have no problems with Dr. Cooper, I love the man. He's such a skilled and dedicated scientist and an asset to the university." Siebert stated as he was sweating and putting on a nervous smile.
If he fucked up and lost Naruto as a member of the staff, the board, donators, and investors were going to skin him alive.
Naruto just looked at him for a long moment before laughing. "I'm sorry, President Siebert, I couldn't resist. Don't worry, I know Sheldon is an acquired taste and needs more patience than a Buddhist monk to deal with at times. He's still my best friend and I love the guy though, it just felt right to make you squirm in his defense." Naruto stated making as Siebert chuckled nervously while noting that he had to be careful of possible pranks in the future.
Still, the amount of money and people he'd attract would be well worth any headache he may cause in the future.
"I see, well, let's continue." Siebert stated as they left, though he had no idea how the hell someone like Naruto was friends with someone like Sheldon.
Raj waited till they had left and closed his door before he laughed, it wasn't every day he got to see Siebert squirm without Raj being at risk for something too.
They continued the tour, eventually running into Sheldon, who merely gave some pleasantries since he wanted to work and Naruto was fine with that, though he knew it was more that Sheldon didn't want to risk Naruto's employment with him saying or doing the wrong thing.
Leonard was in his lab where Naruto looked at one of the projects he was recreating and commented that a simple change in the wavelength of one part would yield a more positive result, which Leonard wasn't sure of but did write down the note to try after the current experiment.
Naruto had also met Barry Kripke, who seemed alright but seriously needed to get laid by someone who didn't charge by the hour and he liked to pick fights with Sheldon for fun.
There was also Burt of the Geology department, he was a bit bland but a nice guy who liked making rock jokes.
Then there was Leslie Winkle, another scientist and physicist that was a bit of a pain in Sheldon's ass. Naruto wouldn't judge her or be a problem for her unless she was going to really be a bitch since someone driving Sheldon a bit nuts would be good for him.
He did note she was checking him out the entire time and pretty much ignored Siebert.
He'd also met Janine Davis of HR and was pleasant and courteous to her, though he could tell she was finding him attractive. He wouldn't risk anything with her unless an agreement was signed that if they fucked and something went wrong she couldn't start accusing him of shit to get back at him.
Eventually they finished and were back at Siebert's office where a young brunette was. "Ah, miss Jensen, I'm so sorry. We lost track of time." Siebert stated as the young woman stood and smiled while shaking his and Naruto's hands.
"It's perfectly fine, President Siebert, I understand how important this was and how busy you are. It's just such an honor to be picked and I'm so excited to learn and experience this." The woman stated making Naruto cock an eyebrow.
"Ah, Mr. Namikaze, I forgot to mention, we were given the greenlight to hire you a personal assistant. Meet miss Alex Jensen, a doctoral student for physics here." Siebert stated as the now named Alex stuck her hand out.
"It's a pleasure and honor to meet you, Dr. Namikaze." Alex stated excitedly as Naruto smiled and shook her hand before kissing the back of it.
"Charmed, miss Jensen, completely charmed." Naruto stated making Alex blush a bit before he let go of her hand.
"Well, Mr. Namikaze, I hope the tour was to your liking." Siebert stated, glad that Naruto told him that he could refer to him as Mr. until he started working there or he'd be in some deep shit.
"I did, thank you, I look forward to starting here next week." Naruto stated before turning to Alex, "I also look forward to getting to know you, Alex, and I'm sure it will be fun to work closely with you." He stated making Alex blush a bit more at his tone and inflection.
"Is he saying what I think he's saying?" She thought in shock while feeling her body get a bit hot that the brilliant and hot man in front of her was so interested in her. "Thank you, sir, I promise I won't disappoint." She stated after clearing her throat a few times.
"I'm sure. Well, I'll be off, Dr. Siebert. I look forward to working here." Naruto stated as he shook Sibert's hand and kissed Alex's again before leaving.
"Oh yeah, I'm gonna have a lot of fun here." Naruto commented to himself since only been here for two days and he'd met 4 hot women to get into bed.
Heh, plenty of sexy and single ladies, Sheldon being here, major movie locations, and close enough to get to ComiCon in a day?
Oh yeah, he was gonna like it here and have lots of fun, though he wondered how long before one of those ladies got into his bed?
He couldn't wait to find out.
DONE! Hope you all enjoyed the start of the new fic. This will at times follow episodes and at times just be from my own head.
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