I wasn't expecting this many people to like my story right off even though there's not too many of you. Usually I get 2 or 3 people to like it and that can take weeks, so THANK YOU!!! I usually don't take so long to update either but I've been pretty busy. Again I hate to edit so sorry for mistakes. PS: Reviews are VERY appreciated!
Waking up to the sound of beeping was confusing to Barry. He couldn't remember why he was in a soft bed, or why his arms felt like they were 40lbs. each.
His eyes felt as though they were glued shut. It took of few minutes of prying to get them open, only to see lights shining in his eyes.
He groaned and tried to look away.
" Barry, stop fighting me." Cait said getting irritated trying to hold her pen light.
He wasn't really cooperative right now, and that didn't help her do her job. She too has some problems with Barry. He changed all of her friend's lives, and maybe hers too. It's not like she'd know the difference either.
" Sit still," She directed.
Barry stopped trying to get away and let her shine the brutally, bright light into his fresh from sleep eyes.
When she stopped, he couldn't help rub them. That was not the best thing to wake up to. The more he came to, the more he saw.
There were heart monitors on his chest, he had an IV in his arm, he could feel a nasal canal in his nose, and couldn't help but see no one else was here. They didn't care if he was hurt?
" W-What hap-ppened?" Barry rasped out. While getting some water from off the stand, Caitlin explained everything.
" I think you had a severe panic attack. You were breathing erratically, and mixed with that and all the stress that has been putting you down, it has damaged your heart. Now because you are a speedster, it can be fixed. The only way for it to be resolved is to take it easy and no running. I'm gonna repeat that one. No. Running. The strain that would go on your heart could leave you with a failing heart. That way you could die."
Barry looked down in shame. He wanted die, he couldn't stand to be around all these people like a kicked puppy and just deal with it. This wasn't like him, he wasn't always weak and stupid.
" Barry, no matter what you did, we still all love you even if we don't show it," Cait smiled softly.
Tears we're building up in Barry's eyes, threatening to fall. They didn't love him. If they did, they wouldn't have left him, or they would be here for him. They would tell him they still loved him.
" Then why aren't they here?" He sobbed softly.
Caitin rubbed his arm to try and comfort the tense man.
" I didn't tell them Barry, in case you wanted to keep it confidential," She replied. She sounded so professional, and not like a friend.
" Oh. Please. I don't want them to know," Barry said wiping his nose. He didn't want them to start looking at him like he was broken too. He just needed to keep some dingnity to himself.
" Okay, but you'll still have to rest at home. You shouldn't be working or doing anything like that. It's too much stress to put on your body," Cait said gesturing with her hands.
" So I can go home?" Barry asked sitting up.
" I'd rather you not, but everyone is frequently coming and going so if you really want to hide it, you'll have to rest at home. But I don't think hiding it is the best way Barry. We all love you, and I think they'd want to know." Cait smiled sadly.
He thought about it for a minute. Barry can't show more weakness, he can't, he can't, he can't.
He started to get more anxious. He's not good at making these decisions, what if he can't, and if he can't then what's gonna happen, they're gonna think he's stupid, or maybe a piece of trash and they'll leave him forever, this can't be happening, no,no,no,no,no.
Cait looked up at the rising heart rate.
" Barry, calm down, it's okay. You can go home. You're gonna put stress on your heart, you have to stay calm," she directed.
" Ok, help me up?" Barry asked reaching his arm out.
Cait hesitantly took his hand and helped him stand up.
" I'll have to drive you home since you can't run," She said grabbing her keys, leaving no room for discussion.
Later that night Barry layed in his bed and stared at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep.
His chest was thumping to a weird beat. There was no luv-lump. It was almost fluttering. It made his whole chest ache, and therefore he couldn't fall asleep. This was aweful. His life feels so aweful because of everything that has been happening. It's all too much, he has never been this bad at dealing with things. He is usually strong and he can handle anything, he's The Flash. But he just cant, he is becoming weak.
For the next week, he has sat at home and he waited, and waited, and waited, aaaannnd waited some more. For a speedster days are like weeks, hours are like days, and minutes are like hours. Time moves to slowly. He has just sat there for a whole week. He can't go anywhere or do anything, and it really sucks. He has caught up on just about everyone of his shows, he picked up the place a bit, he shaved several times, he has eaten almost all the food in his apartment.
He usually doesn't have much food because he eats out or whatever. But recently with the whole flashpoint and heart thing, he hasn't had much of an appetite. He knows that he isn't eating enough for a speedster, but he's not using his speed.
It's okay, right?
Tomorrow he decided to go back to work. He's not supposed to by Caitlin's orders, but if he stays at home any longer he's going to explode. Since he lives so close to the CCPD he can just walk. He has been walking around his apartment all week anyway. Then he can just take the elevator at work so he doesn't have to climb the stairs. It'll be fine.
He set his alarm for 8:30, and he has to be at work at 10. This way if he sleeps through his alarm, he's garenteed to wake up at at least 9:30. But if he does wake up he will take a shower, have some breakfast, and maybe even show up early. Just the thought of that would make Singh's mind explode.
Instead of waking up to beeping this morning, it was his alarm clock. He actually woke up on time, so he should get to work on time too. At least that's the hope.
He stood in the shower and let the warm water fall off his back. He has been so cold lately. His hands are always freezing, and his is constantly shivering. His soul is the coldest though. Everything about him feels cold.
After exiting the shower he put on a plain grey t-shirt, a black sweatshirt, a black pair of jeans, and his converse. He figures this would be good enough. It's not like he's going to court today or anything like that.
Walking through the crowds of people on the sidewalk is always a challenge. There are people bumping into you always, and there are several types of people who do that. One will say nothing and keep going, one with say sorry and keep going, then there is the mad type. That's the one who can go one of two ways. They can either say "watch it!" or they can get up all in your face. Lucky for Barry no one has done that today, but it's not like it has never happened before.
Another thing that people do in these crowds is they ignor everything. If someone was on the ground dying, almost no one would stop. If a person was asking for help, one one would help them.
And what he saw right now is perfect example of that.
There was a little girl off to the right all by herself. No one was standing by her, they even bumped into her. She didn't look homless like many other people in Central City. She has clean clothes, she has had a bath recently, and her blonde hair is done up all nice. She has on a light pink shirt, and dark blue jeans. They were cute little jeans too.
Barry made his way over to her and bent down.
" Are you lost, where's your mom?" He asked her.
She only looked to be about 3. She was really shy, but she shook her head.
" You don't know where your mommy is?" He asked.
She just looked down. Barry looked around once more and didn't see anyone looking around. He sighed and checked his phone. It was 9:15. He has enough time.
" My name is Barry, what is yours?" He asked
" Bella," She said quietly.
" Wow, that's a really pretty name, you must be a princess," Barry smile when the little girl giggled.
" How about we go find you mum?" Barry suggested.
Bella nodded and lifted her arms up.
Barry picked her up and put her on his hip.
He went into the closest store and went up to the front desk.
" Has any one reported a missing child?" He asked.
" No," the worker said coldly. Looks like they aren't having a good day. They could at least pretend like they care about your life.
He moved on to the next store and there was still nothing. He checked the whole line of stores and no one had a missing child. The time was now creeping up on 9:45 and he had to be at work. Since he worked at CCPD, he'll just have to take her there, that way they can track down her parents. They obviously weren't close to here.
Upon entering the precinct, he went straight to Singh's office. He had to wait until officer Wing left before he could enter.
" You're late Allen, by 8 days and 10 minutes." Singh grunted.
He looked at Barry funny. Why was he hold a toddler?
" Uh, I found this little girl on the side walk and she appeared to be lost. No one else was around her, so I figured I'd try and find her mom or whoever she was with. I checked in with all the stores on the line and none said that anyone reported a missing child. So I decided that I'd bring her here so we could find her parents." Barry said.
Singh thought about the excuse and rolled his eyes. Of course Barry tried to help someone else.
" Her name is Bella, but I never asked her last name," he said.
" Do you know your last name sweet heart?" Singh asked sweetly. Barry has never seen Captain Singh like this. He is usually tough and is bossing every one around, but right now he was like a soft kitten.
Bella shook her head to the question, and she nestled her face in Barry's neck and shoulder.
" She's pretty shy," Barry smiled.
" Go take her to Officer Williams, he is working on all lost children cases, so maybe there will be a connection." Singh ordered.
Barry nodded and brought Bella off to the right where Officer Williams' desk was.
" Singh told me to bring Bella here to you. She is missing her parents." He said trying to hand Bella off, but she wouldn't budge. She clung to him like he was her caretaker. She has really started to like him.
" I have to leave you will Officer Williams. He's a really nice guy, and if you ask I bet he'll give you a cookie from his desk," Barry winked at Bella. She smiled at the word cookie and she let him put her down. Williams glared at him, but Barry ignored it. Anything to help the scared little girl.
Now off to work. He took the elevator up to his lab and walked in.
" 'bout time Allen, you're late," Julian said in his stupid accent.
" Last time I checked, you weren't my boss," Barry said while rolling his eyes.
" Keep doing that and you might actually find a brain back there," Julian muttered.
" Y'know if I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laten, and you. I'd shoot you twice," Barry scowled while making his way to his own desk.
" You're comparing me to sick minded murder who killed millions of innocent people, find better comebacks Allen, then maybe we can be friends."
" Why can't we be?" Barry asked sitting down.
" Because I don't trust you. I don't like things I don't trust." Julian said while grabbing one of the lab tubes.
" I don't trust you either,"
" I don't care Allen, now I suggest you get to work, you have a weeks worth to get done," Julian directed.
Barry mocked Julian's facial expressions and got to work. He hated Julian. He is bossy, ignorant, and annoying. His accent got pretty annoying too.
Barry looked over his cluttered desk and sighed.
" What do you need Allen?" Julian asked not looking up from his own work.
" Would it hurt you to help with some of this, you're usually grabbing my cases left and right,"
" Why would I help you?"
" Never mind you're right, I'm pretty sure you'd burn if you did a nice gesture." Barry rolled his eyes while picking up one of the cases.
" Deapite your belief Mr. Allen, I'm not Satin," Julian looked up at Barry.
" Yeah, convince me," Barry laughed to himself.
" I have a life just like you do, and I plan on spending it helping people. That's exactly why I work here, and I'd be just fine if you weren't here."
Barry hates, hates, hates Julian with a passion. He's already having trouble with his life and Julian doesn't help. He needs to be The Flash. There is more metas being created and then there is Alchemy. He has to help but can't because of how stressful his life has been. Working with the devils' spawn doesn't help. He has so much work to do, he has a crappy lab partner, angry friends, a dead father, a non existent love life, and a new heart condition. His life sucks. He started to bounce his leg and tap his pencil on his papers. Only an hour has passed and he has gotten almost nothing done. He's never gonna catch up at this rate. How he has ever worked with a partner, he'll never know.
The clock seemed to tick slower, and everything kept taking more and more time to finish. Working was so boring. He started to get more and more anxious. Being kept in his own mind was a dangerous thing. Flash backs from flash point were constantly running around in his head.
Now who's the villain Flash, who's the villain!
What's so funny?
Your speed! The more you use it, the faster you lose your memory!
I need you to kill my mother!
With pleasure.
It's okay you're safe.
No,no,no,no.
No one knows what I had to do, they don't know what I've been through. They don't understand! I begged him, I begged him to kill her. I can't believe I made Thawne kill my mom! I can't believe I messed it up! I messed everything up!
Barry got up from his chair and went over to the sink. He grabbed a paper cup from under the sink and filled it with cold water. He took a long drink of it and braced himself against the sink.
This day wasn't good at all. He started to breathe faster and his chest started to ache.
He knew he shouldn't panic but every single dark though he'd ever had was hitting him like a sledge hammer.
He started to slowly pace his side of the lab with his hands on the back of his head.
" Allen, you're really distracting you know that? Sit." Julian barked while not even looking up.
He can't even see me!!!
Barry didn't listen to him, he didn't have to. He couldn't sit still. It's like his body had a mind if it's own or something.
" Allen!" Singh yelled swiftly walking in," Are you some with the Ferguson case yet, I needed it like yesterday,"
Shoot, he hasn't even looked at that one yet.
" No sir, I've been doing the other cases, and I-" he was cut off by more yelling.
" I need it now! I thought you could handle tough work, I guess I was wrong. Hand the case over to Albert, let him get it done," Singh scowled at Barry before he left. Now his boss was angry at him too. He can't do this when everybody hated him.
He needed to escape everything. Barry grabbed the untouched case from his desk and flopped it onto Julian's neat and color coded desk.
Barry then started swiftly towards the door.
" Where do you think you're going?" Julian questioned. Why does he need to know!? He's not the boss!
" To the bathroom, or am I not aloud to do that either?" Barry asked sarcastically while continuing to briskly walk out. He made it to the bathroom and he closed himself in a stall after making sure no one else was in there. He sat on the toilet seat and rubbed his now aching head. Every bad though came back and wrecked on him.
As a teenager he was depressed, even suicidal at some points. Some of those thoughts never left, and they were sure here now. He started to panic more. He can't go down that road again. It's like a hole that he got stuck in. He had no latter or rope. It was like one of those dreams where you're getting chased by zombies but you keep falling. Your knees buckle and they give up on you. You fall and get engolfed by misery and death. You are scared, and you wait to wake up. Except in real life you can't wake up. There is no do overs or retrys. You only have one shot, and if you mess it up, whatever, that's your fault. It's all his fault. He still hasn't faced Diggle, or Oliver. What will they think of him? What do regular people think of him?
Is he too thin, or maybe he is just ugly? Do they see what he has done in his eyes? Are they seeing his every feeling and spying on his life? Do they think stupid things about him? Do they hate him? Even though Barry knew the thoughts were irrational, he couldn't stop them from coming anyway.
He couldn't stay in the stall. It's like the walls were closing in on him.
Barry walked back to his lab and sat in his chair. His heart was pounding so hard it felt like it could pop out of his chest. His breathing felt erratic and he couldn't sit still. Blooming pain enfolfed his chest and he couldn't breathe. If felt like the air was squeezed out of him. He couldn't do it, he can't!
" Jeez mate, can you breathe any louder?" Julian growled at Barry.
Barry didn't answer him, he just threw a pencil at Julian.
Julian muttered something, but it didn't seem important to know what. Barry coughed and silently gasped. His chest was like a punching bag. Constant punches were sent to it in rapid fire. He couldn't do this, not right now. He need Cait, or someone. He needed anyone but Mr. England to be with him.
As if his prayers were granted, Caitlin walked through his lab doors.
" Oh hey Caitlin, why are you here?" Julian smiled with delight.
" Oh don't even," Barry thought to himself.
Caitlin looked over to Barry and saw this heavily rising chest and his hand on his heart. She knew he was hiding it from Julian. She had to get him to leave so she could tend to Barry.
" Oh, I needed a few things for a special lab I'm doing and I was wondering if you guys had them?" She asked making up an excuse.
" What is it?"
" Uh-I-Uh, need a few XS sized testing tubes for a tiny sample, I have seemed to run out." She blurted out.
" Sure, anything," Julian hurried up out of his chair and darted towards the door. " They are in the spare room way down the hall, I'll have to take a few minutes to find em," Julian smiled. When has he ever done that? Actually been nice? That is so not him.
" Sure," Caitlin smiled.
Once Julian was gone, Cait rushed towards Barry's side.
" What happened?" She asked desperately.
" I don't know," Barry groaned. He did, he just didn't want to explain. He was getting tired, and he just had to sit and breathe.
" You shouldn't be at work Barry, we talked about this," She groaned. Did he ever listen? The answer to that is no.
" C'mon, lets get you up," she said helping him to his unsteady feet.
They were almost to the door when Julian came back.
" Here you go, was there anything else you needed?" He asked handing Cait the tubes.
" No, thank you. But I do need to borrow Barry for a while," She said politely.
Julian tried to hide his disappointment.
" Sure thing,"
He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Caitlin needed Barry Allen, the cheeky and youngest, most inexperienced CSI to help her. He couldn't figure out what made people like Barry so much. Whatever it is, he definitely doesn't see it.
Barry sat in the front seat of Caits car and squeezed his knee with all his strength. He felt like he was going to pass out. His vision started to become consumed with stars, and his head wobbled. All the blood rushed to his ears letting him her nothing. He remembered seeing the parking lot to STAR Labs, then it all went black. The black part was peaceful. People think that the dark is scary and whatnot. But when your life is nothing but chaotic, a little peace and quiet isn't a bad thing. Having nothing is sometimes better than having something awful.
He awoke again to sounds of beeping, except this time it sound more weird. The heart monitor didn't sound right. His heart wasn't beating normally. He opened his eyes and was stunned to see that he was connected to more machines and tubes than last time. Cait has some explaining to do.
This is a longer one to hopefully make up for the several days it took to write.