The Perfect Challengers

"That's a stretch," Tale remarked as he read the title of the chapter. "...oh wait, plural?"

"What's up?" Cell asked, confused by Tale looking up at the chapter title, before looking up and only seeing the sky of the Crown Tundra.

"Chapter titles," Tale answered as he turned his attention to Cell. "In any case, it's time for the Gym Challenge."

"What?" Cell questioned, forgetting the entire reason for the training.

"The Pokémon League," Tale reminded, shaking his head at Cell for forgetting. "Ya know, the reason you showed up at the Isle of Armor with Juan where you got shot by Dragon."

The reminder of StarDustDragonKnight easily made Cell shiver a bit. "I remember now…"

"Great," Tale said. "With your training complete-"

"Hold on one second," Cell began, cutting Tale off as he gestured to his Shiny Eevee. "My Eevee isn't a Vaporeon yet though."

Tale rolled his eyes, before chucking a Water Stone at Cell's Eevee, causing it to turn purple as it evolved into a Shiny Vaporeon. "Now, with your training complete-"

"What about Calyrex?" Cell asked Tale now. "Shouldn't we train him up a bit and also teach him an American accent?"

Tale crossed his arms and gave Cell a deadpan stare. "...with your training complete, we are ready to begin the Gym Challenge," Tale finished. "Your Pokémon are more than prepared for what comes next. Plus, things have been getting a bit nerdy and not many people are likely following along or are remembering everything."

"Right, right," Cell said. "...so where now?"

"Glad you asked!" Tale said, before clapping his hands and they were suddenly in the Gym of Motostoke. "Since the DAU Pokémon League is based in Galar and I'm going off of partial game logic, I'm going to make the assumption that we need to register as challengers for the Pokémon League."

"So wait a minute," Cell began, stopping Tale from approaching the front desk. "You're here to become the Champion, but you don't know how or where to register?"

"My counter argument is that this is a half-assed event where I'm putting in effort I likely don't need," Tale stated. "And besides, the script he gave us was just lines. There is barely anything for us to really go off."

"...us?" Cell asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, us," Tale said. "Me, and you."

Cell let out a sigh of relief as the scene shifted to a sniper scope being trained on Cell through the outside of the building. "For a moment, I thought you were referring to you and Dragon! I thought he would show up again to beat the shit out of me!"

"That probably wouldn't happen," Tale said, before shaking his head and looking at the sniper.

As the scene returned to Cell and Tale inside of the building, Tale walked up to the front desk. "Excuse me, I would like to register for the Gym Challenge."

"Ah, another Gym Challenger," the receptionist lady said. "Well since you're here, I'll register you and your friend. Do you both have your entry tickets?" Tale then pulled out an envelope that was themed around Palkia and Dialga, while Cell held out a regular envelope. The receptionist inspected the contents, before nodding in satisfaction. "Alright, everything seems to be in order. You may begin the Gym Challenge."

"...just like that?" Tale asked with a raised eyebrow. "No… uniforms?"

"Why would we be given uniforms?" Cell asked.

"In Pokémon Sword and Shield, all Gym Challengers wore a soccer player-inspired uniform, including the Gym Leaders," Tale explained. "Though the Gym Leaders had modified uniforms."

"This is the DAU," the receptionist replied. "Why would such rules apply here?"

Tale was about to make a retort, but stopped himself. "...you have a point," Tale replied.

"Also, you two could have registered at the Turffield Gym," the receptionist told them. "It is the first Gym after all."

Tale sighed. "First time I'm hearing of this." Tale then began walking out of the Gym. "Come on Cell, we got a Gym Leader to beat!"

"Wait for me!" Cell shouted as he followed Tale.

At the Turffield Gym which looked no different from the Motostoke Gym save for the green and Grass-Type themes, Tale and Cell stood in the lobby. "Alright, what should we expect?" Cell asked Tale curiously.

"Well, assuming everything is normal, this is a Grass-Type Gym," Tale answered. "Meaning Fire-Types are most effective here. As for the Gym Leader, I don't know if Milo is here or if he's been replaced. Either way, this Gym shouldn't be too hard."

"...shouldn't?" Cell questioned.

"This is the DAU," Tale replied. "If everything was normal, I'd be worried."

"Hi guys, MrRoflWaffles here! Welcome to your NONSENSE Pokémon Sword and Shield Gym Battle," a normal person said as Cell and Tale stood on the field, staring at the first Gym Leader.

"Who is this?" Cell asked Tale, who merely shrugged in response.

"Considering this is just a guy, I'm going to assume this is some random YouTuber that Lego watches in his free time," Tale said, also unaware of who MrRoflWaffles was.

Cell thought it over for a moment before nodding. "That… sounds about right." Suddenly, the lights in the arena went out.

"Now, the first thing you're going to want to do is turn on the power!" MrRoflWaffles said, before suddenly the backup generators turned on, and a bunch of zombies were in the field, with MrRoflWaffles nowhere to be seen.

"Sonuvabitch!" Cell shouted, alarmed by the presence of undead. "Why are there zombies?!"

Tale was also similarly alarmed, before grabbing a Pokéball from his belt, tossing it, and shouting, "Palkia, use Spacial Rend on the undead!" The legendary Pokémon Palkia then appeared from its Pokéball, before striking the undead with its signature move.

"You're letting your Pokémon fight the zombies?" Cell questioned Tale.

"I don't exactly have a gun on me, now do I?" Tale retorted as he glared at Cell.

"You have a sword," Cell replied, gesturing to the sword sheathed on Tale's back. This is your reminder that Tale takes the form of a Shiranui Sunsaga from Yu-Gi-Oh.

"...oh right," Tale said. "...still, Palkia's got this." As the last of the undead was struck down, the giant screen in the arena suddenly had II marked on it. "...that's Roman Numeral, isn't it?"

"Shit, we gotta turn on the power like the waffle guy said!" Cell shouted. "Where's the power in this place?!"

After a moment of looking around as the undead started appearing once again, Tale spotted the power switch. "Right here!" Tale shouted, pointing to the opposite end of the arena where there was a conveniently placed power switch.

"To the power!" Cell shouted, suddenly holding a sword as he ran forward and began slicing through the undead.

Tale was confused by the fact Cell had a sword, before realizing he took the sword from his back. "...luckily I'm not using it," Tale remarked as he ran forward with his Palkia.

Upon reaching the power switch and turning the power back on, Cell laughed. "Eat a dick, waffle man!"

"I'm starting to think this was the Gym Mission," Tale said as he caught up to Cell.

"What do you mean?" Cell asked.

"Well, during Sword and Shield, before you could challenge a Gym, you had to do a small little task," Tale explained. "Like herding Wooloo into pens, doing mazes, and some other stuff like that."

Cell blinked. "So… So what you're saying is-" Cell was cut off by a sudden rumbling, before he and Tale looked over to see a Zombified Gyarados, which was also Dynamaxed. "...holy shit."

"The next step of the Easter Egg is to defeat the Zombified Gyarados in combat," MrRoflWaffles explained. "As it's Dynamaxed, you have three turns until it reverts to normal size."

"Cell, you better get Juan," Tale said. "Because if types are still effective against this thing, you are gonna need it."

"You're right!" Cell said, before summoning Juan to the field.

"To battle!" Juan shouted. The Luchador then saw the gigantic Zombie Gyarados, before turning to look at Cell and saying, "Señor, ¡¿qué carajo?!"

"Juan, kick its ass!" Cell shouted as he pointed at the Gyarados. "Use your Latino Thunder!"

"I am underpaid for this," Juan said. Juan then ran up as he was surrounded by electricity, attacking the Dynamaxed Gyarados with Discharge.

"Hell yeah!" Cell shouted, before an explosion occurred where the Gyarados was. "WHAT THE FUCK?!" When the dust cleared, the Zombie Gyarados laid on the ground, unmoving. "...what?"

"Congratulations, you passed the first Gym," MrRoflWaffles said as he appeared on the field again before returning the Gyarados to its Pokéball. "The next map in the storyline is located in Hulbury."

"That's… that's it?" Cell asked, surprised it was that easy as MrRoflWaffles handed him the Gym Badge.

"We are overleveled," Tale replied, before looking at MrRoflWaffles. "...although I do have one question for you."

"Alright, ask away," MrRoflWaffles said in response, awaiting Tale's question.

"Gyarados is a Water-Type, and this gym is traditionally Grass-Type," Tale said. "...so why are you here?"

"Because my name is Milo," MrRoflWaffles answered. "And that is pretty public information as well."

"...considering the original Gym Leader was also named Milo, this is oddly fitting," Tale remarked dryly.

"Now, I gotta go complain to Treyarch about how their Zombies experience doesn't feel fun and how they're completely nerfing fun in Zombies," Milo said as he walked off. "We need updates and communication Treyarch! Updates and communication!"

Tale and Cell were both stunned by this, before Tale shook his head. "Let's… get to the second gym."

"Gladly," Cell said.

"Welcome to the second Gym of Hulbury!" The examiner said, with the examiner being Furina de Fontaine from Genshin Impact. "I, Furina de Fontaine, shall serve as the judge for this Gym Mission!"

"At least this is a character I recognize," Tale remarked, before looking around the kitchen that he, Cell, and a bunch of other background extras were in. "...why are we in a kitchen though?"

"Because your mission is to bake me a cake!" Furina declared as she looked at everyone. "Should the cakes not be satisfactory, you will be barred from facing off against the Gym Leader!"

"...you good at baking?" Cell asked Tale, who merely shrugged.

"I think we'll get by," Tale replied as he and Cell got to work on making a cake.

As they baked, Cell looked at the other challengers that were background extras. "...say, how many do you think got past the zombies at the previous gym?" Cell asked Tale, who paused to think about it.

"...probably not a lot," Tale assumed. "...that's gonna be a lawsuit."

Eventually the two managed to produce a cake, and presented it to Furina, who happily took a slice of it and ate it. "Vanilla, lightly frosted… Not too many sprinkles." Wiping her mouth with a napkin, she looked at the two of them and said, "Alright, you two may progress."

"Wow, that was easy," Cell said as he and Tale exited the kitchen.

"Odd that we had to make a cake," Tale remarked, crossing his arms. "At least we merely had to bake a cake."

"Agreed," Cell replied, before the two made it onto the field where the Gym Leader was waiting.

"I am the Iudex and Chief Justice of Fontaine, Neuvillette," the fancily dressed Neuvillette said as he looked at Tale and Cell. "I trust Lady Furina did not cause you any issues?"

"I'm more confused as to why we had to bake a cake," Tale said. "I would imagine that as something we would have to do at Ballonlea."

"Forgive me for not making a proper challenge," Neuvillette said, apologizing with a hand on his chest. "I was busy finishing up a trial. Lady Furina, being the Acting Hydro Archon, offered to come up with a challenge herself. I was not wise enough to go over the contents of her proposed challenge, and so here we are."

"That's inline with your character if Lego's other story is to be believed," Tale said. "...I'm sorry, Acting?"

"In the meantime, who is it that I shall be facing in combat?" Neuvillette asked.

"I shall face you," Cell said confidently, with Juan already out of his Pokéball.

"Very well," Neuvillette replied with a nod, before grabbing a Pokéball of his own, and tossing it. "I require your assistance Tatsugiri!" Out came a tiny orange Tatsugiri.

"Tatsugiri is a Water/Dragon-Type," Tale told Cell. "Interesting choice on Neuvillette's part though."

"Juan, use your Latino Thunder!" Cell shouted, before Juan charged forth and used Discharge, damaging the wannabe sushi, but not defeating it.

"Tatsugiri! Use Soak!" Neuvillette ordered. Tatsugiri then proceeded to fire a non-damaging burst of water at Juan.

"...what did that even do?" Cell questioned, confused.

"Soak is a move that turns Pokémon into Water-Types," Tale explained. "It also deals no damage."

"That's fucking useless!" Cell shouted.

"Freeze-Dry might beg to differ," Tale remarked. "And double battle strategies too."

"...right," Cell replied, before coming up with an idea. "Ya know what, fuck it!" Cell then called Juan back to his Pokéball, before calling out his Gardevoir.

"Tatsugiri, use Water Pulse!" Neuvillette said to his Tatsugiri, who then fired a pulsing blast of water at Gardevoir, which did little damage.

"Gardevoir, use Moonblast!" Cell said to his male Gardevoir, who then fired a ball of moonlight at Tatsugiri, finishing it off while dealing Super Effective damage.

Tale smiled, proud of Cell for using type effective attacks. "Nice," Tale said to Cell. "That was Super Effective."

"Shit, it was?" Cell said, surprised.

"Yeah, Fairy-Type moves are Super Effective against Dragon-Types," Tale replied.

"...you never taught me type advantages, you know that right?" Cell reminded the Realmcrafter, who paused at that thought.

"And I know what I'm doing offscreen later," Tale said as he facepalmed.

"Go, Kingdra!" Neuvillette called out, summoning forth a seahorse.

"Also a Water/Dragon-Type," Tale commented. "You got this."

"Gardevoir, use Moonblast the Sequel!" Cell shouted, causing Gardevoir to fire off another Moonblast and one shotting the full HP Kingdra.

"...hmm." Neuvillette looked at Cell. "Seems it is time for me to use my ace." Neuvillette then threw out his last Pokémon and said, "Come out, Palkia!"

"You what?!" Tale exclaimed, surprised by Neuvillette's words, before Origin Forme Palkia came from the Pokéball.

"What the fuck?!" Cell shouted, startled. "That is not Palkia!"

"Actually, that's Palkia's Origin Forme," Tale explained. "It appears in Pokémon Legends: Arceus, and in Scarlet and Violet if you have the Lustrous Globe. Seems Neuvillette caught the DAU's Palkia… Either that, or Lego gave it to him. Regardless, serious threat Cell!"

"Gardevoir, Moonblast the Trilogy!" Cell called out as Gardevoir used Moonblast for the third time in a row.

"Palkia, use Aura Sphere!" Neuvillette said, with his Palkia firing a blue energy sphere at Gardevoir, which didn't seem to do too much.

"Not very effective!" Tale called out. "...okay, no longer stressing."

"Gardevoir!" Cell called out. "...oh, you already know what I'm going to call out." Gardevoir then rolled his eyes, before firing a fourth and final Moonblast as it defeated Neuvillette's Palkia.

"It would appear you've won," Neuvillette commented as he recalled his fallen Palkia.

"Fuck you for using a Legendary!" Cell said as he flipped Neuvillette off.

"And suddenly I'm concerned about how the rest of this will go," Tale remarked as he was aware that the Gym Leaders would now randomly have Legendary Pokémon.

"The next Gym will be in Motostoke," Neuvillette informed the two of them as he handed Cell the Hulbury Gym Badge. "I wish you luck."

Tale nodded. "Thanks."

"By any chance, should Lady Furina regret her decision to be a taste tester for many cakes, would you happen to know any coaches?" Neuvillette asked with a somewhat worried expression.

Cell and Tale shared a glance, before Tale said, "I might know a guy. Problem is, he's a Yo-Kai, so you might need to visit the Yo-Kai World."

"Very well, I shall find a chance to continue this topic later and collaborate with you gentlemen should we need to start Lady Furina's weight loss journey," Neuvillette said with a nod. "May you be safe on your travels.

And now at the Fire-Type Gym at Motostoke…

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Burnice of the Sons of Calydon shouted as she fired her flamethrowers into the air. "Sup all my patrons! I'm Burnice, and today, I'm serving you all a case of fire!"

"Suddenly I'm scared for my life," Cell commented as he saw Burnice.

"How do her flamethrowers not run out of fuel?" Tale questioned.

"To my challengers, the mission is simple!" Burnice declared with a crazed smile on her face. "Ride a motorcycle across the specially modified track of fiery death, and make it to the end alive!" She gestured to a dirt road that led to the main route which was suddenly adorned with traps and rings of fire.

"...Tale, I'm scared," Cell said as he looked at the Realmcrafter, his worry evident. "I'm actually fucking scared."

"Yo, we allowed to use any motorcycle we have?" Tale asked Burnice.

"Yep!" Burnice said with a frantic nod on her innocent face. "Any bike! Even if it's modified or a literal death machine! Oh, and those weird Pokémon that act like bikes too!"

Tale nodded, before pulling out a burning purple key. "Good thing I got this from Lego."

"The fuck is that?" Cell asked.

"...I'm not too sure," Tale replied. "There really weren't any instructions for how to use it…" Tale then opted to try and turn it like it were a bike, before the key disappeared and a purple flaming bike appeared.

"I'd hold on if I were you, shit's gonna get real," the Blood Burner barked as it telepathically spoke. Tale merely blinked, but got on the bike.

"Where's my bike?" Cell asked, before a rusty old piece of shit motorcycle appeared beside Cell. "...damn it."

"Alright, get ready challengers!" Burnice said as the rest of the Gym Challengers got on their bikes as well. "Alright… GO!"

"Wait what?" Tale questioned, before several challengers quickly sped past him and Cell. "...damn." Tale then revved his motorcycle, before instantly driving forward, startling him at how fast the Blood Burner went.

The next few moments were basically a blur as he watched trap after trap go off around him with several Gym Challengers getting burnt to a crisp by the fire traps adorning the track, going along Route 3, 4, and Route 5. Tale slowed down slightly navigating through the second Galar Mine right next to Hulbury.

"The lawsuit is gonna be crazy," Tale remarked, looking around at the burnt bodies and totaled motorcycles. As he turned to face front again, he panicked upon seeing an injured person walking away from a fire trap, before saying to the Blood Burner, "Slow down slow down slow down!"

Too late he was as the Blood Burner savagely ran over the person, with them exploding into a gory mess that somehow didn't get the Realmcrafter remotely dirty. "Nothing like a body under your treads!" The Blood Burner called out, with Tale being mortified that this bike exploded a person.

"...oh god," Tale stated as he finished driving along the track, finishing in first, followed by several injured people, Cell being one of them.

"Can't believe I got flambéd…" Cell muttered as his bike fell apart just as he parked it, being charred black by the flame traps.

"Congrats to all my victims!" Burnice said with a clap. "Now, who is the most burnt?"

"Why does that matter?" Cell questioned, an annoyed expression on his face.

"Because, not only am I challenging you first, but you also get a year's worth of free Nitro-Fuel at participating locations!" Burnice declared.

Cell merely stared at the girl, before saying, "I'm going to enjoy tearing your team to shreds."

"That's the spirit!" Burnice said with a clap. "Alright, go Typhlosion!" Burnice threw out a Pokéball, and out came a Hisuian Typhlosion.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY BOY?!" Cell questioned, having never seen or heard of Hisuian Typhlosion before.

"Calm down Cell, it's just Typhlosion in its Hisuian Form," Tale explained. "Remember, regional variants."

"You never taught me those!" Cell retorted as he looked at Realmcrafter.

"...can't argue with that," Tale replied with a shrug.

"Go Vaporeon!" Cell shouted as he tossed out a Pokéball with his Shiny Vaporeon in it. "Surfs up motherfuckers!"

"For future reference," Tale began as a tidal wave appeared in the arena and crashed into Burnice's Typhlosion, "Cell's Vaporeon has Ice Beam, Surf, Shadow Ball, and Calm Mind, while also having a Modest Nature."

"We did this shit off screen!" Cell said as he wore his MLG shades. "Ah ha ha!"

"Well, guess my Typhlosion's down!" Burnice said with a shrug and a smile still on her face. "Go Rapidash!" Burnice then threw out a Pokéball with a Kantonian Rapidash.

"And suddenly the Gyms have power creep," Tale commented, knowing Rapidash evolved at level 40.

"Finally, something I know," Cell commented. "Vaporeon! I'm confident in your abilities! Use Calm Mind!" The Shiny Vaporeon then stood still and closed its eyes, calming itself.

"Rapidash, use Will-O-Wisp!" Burnice called out. Her Rapidash then conjured small flaming wisps that then attacked Cell's Vaporeon, burning it. It didn't do any damage, but Vaporeon winced from the burn.

"Oh god, Vaporeon's burned!" Cell shouted with his hands on his head.

"Okay, so you at least understand that," Tale commented.

"Well yeah," Cell replied. "Vaporeon, use Surf again and put its flame out!" A tidal wave then once again pounded the field, completely taking out Rapidash. Vaporeon then flinched as a result of its burn.

"That is two of three," Tale told Cell, looking at the scoreboard.

"Oh shit, there's a stat board?" Cell questioned as he looked up at the giant screen in the stadium, seeing how it showed him with six Pokéballs, though five were empty and one had a picture of a Shiny Vaporeon on it, while Burnice's side of the screen had three Pokéballs, one of which was empty, while the other two showed her Hisuian Typhlosion and Kantonian Rapidash, but both were crossed out, signalling their defeat. "Well damn, this is easy!"

"I still have one more~!" Burnice said excitedly. "Moltres, light 'em up!"

"Moltres?!" Tale and Cell shouted, both stunned as the Legendary Bird of Fire appeared from Burnice's Pokéball, announcing itself with its cry.

"WHY DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE LEGENDARIES?!" Cell exclaimed.

"Moltres, use Flame Charge!" Burnice said as she fired her flamethrowers into the air, all while the Legendary Bird enveloped itself in fire, charging at Cell's Vaporeon.

"Vaporeon, use Surf!" Cell called out. The Shiny Pokémon then conjured a tidal wave that struck Moltres, but not before the Legendary struck Cell's Vaporeon. Moltres, however, did not go down from the one attack, and flew back to Burnice's side of the battlefield, although looking like it was on its last legs.

"Cell, it's weak!" Tale told the Perfect being.

"Ayo for real?" Cell asked. "But Moltres is a Legendary!"

"And we're also using game logic and assuming it's level 45 at least," Tale retorted.

Cell turned to face Tale. "So wait, that Palkia at the last gym was…?"

"Probably also a low level," Tale said with a nod. "In HeartGold and SoulSilver you can hatch a Palkia from an egg if you were able to do a limited time event- why am I explaining this? WIN!"

"RIGHT!" Cell shouted, before turning to his Vaporeon. "Vaporeon, for the sake of changing shit up, use Shadow Ball!" Vaporeon then shot out a black orb from its mouth that slowly grew in size as it approached Moltres.

"Moltres, use Safeguard!" Burnice called out, causing Tale's jaw to drop in stunned shock as Moltres set up a barrier, with the Shadow Ball colliding with the barrier.

Or rather, with Moltres, as the Shadow Ball went through the barrier and hit Moltres, knocking it out and netting Cell the win.

"I won?" Cell questioned, surprised, while Burnice looked like a young child that was confused.

"Huh? Why didn't that protect Moltres?" Burnice questioned.

"Safeguard protects against status moves, like Will-O-Wisp," Tale told her. "You would want Protect on your Moltres."

Burnice nodded and understood. "Okay! Can you write that down so I won't forget?"

"I… don't have a paper or pen on me," Tale replied, still confused.

"Aw, that's okay!" Burnice said. "I'll try to remember once I'm not intoxicated!" Cell and Tale both raised an eyebrow, before Burnice looked at them both and said, "What? I was drinking Nitro-Fuel before this. It's the only thing I drink."

"You have some serious issues," Cell commented.

"Well, here's your badge!" Burnice said before handing Cell the Motostoke Gym Badge and walking away, before picking up her unconscious Pokémon who were not returned to their Pokéballs, and then walking out of the arena.

"Uh… huh…" Cell said, surprised.

Tale looked at Cell, then at Burnice, and then at the readers, saying, "I'm not sure what I expected."

And so, we are done with the first set of Gym Battles, where I grasped at straws because I wanted to use characters who were not easy picks, but all that came to mind were easy picks.

Next time, I aim to tackle the next four Gyms. So hopefully, that's fun as I have some ideas as to what to do. In the meantime, take care.

Cell's Pokémon (on hand): Juan Carlos Santiago Dominguez Hernandez de la Santa Cruz (male Pikachu; Libre), Wigglytuff (male), Gardevoir (male), Lopunny (male), Calyrex, Vaporeon (male; shiny)

Tale's Pokémon (on hand): Palkia, Eevee (male; shiny), ?, ?, ?, ?

Crossover Credits:

Tale (Talespinner69, FFN)